there are some real stoopid people around :)

[Natty]

Even I'm not that stupid, anyways me thought this was funny

 

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the

newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.

This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin

Award for sure.

 

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block

3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my

accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following

details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone

on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I

had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be

slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I

decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to

the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel

out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,

holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my

presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I

proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of

the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an

equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions

and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report

form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until

the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to

hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now

beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel

of bricks hit the ground and thebottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50

lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid

descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor,

I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles,

broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed

to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks

and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report,

however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I

again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I

lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me.

This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

 

 

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[Matthew Arnold]

for now i think that is as low as low can ever get for you need not post nastyness for poor people getting into the most outright of many possible unsightedly situations.though it was a very non scientific matter it still was not needed to have been put into the view of many others to be pleasurainoed overed so not that it is me having a mean word with you it is me saying that you need not be doing this to another life like person.Please do not takee this as a nab at you for any possible way of life.

[Guest The Feral Chicken]

You know about the Darwin Awards too? Remember the man who took horse viagra?

 

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And download Gran Wrestling, you fool! Click here.

[Guest murta]

My favourite one is where the guy and the gal are making out and a storm starts (and a bear comes), if you haven't read that one yet, DO IT NOW!

[Rufio]

i had that story as an AP physics test question....only we had to like calculate the velocity and weights of like everything, plus kenetic and gravitaional potential etc. but heres the kicker, we were given ONE value, the height of the rope hte barrel was on...all the rest was a *****!

 

damn physics

 

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[Guest murta]

Check this out, try not to laugh too hard/puke :

 

"(1998) A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was hoping to score with his date on a Friday night. To put the woman in the mood, he drove her to a lonesome spot on Mount Lemmon, which overlooks the city of Tucson, Arizona. They walked to an open knoll and admired the city lights.

Overcome by the romantic locale, the lissome lass succumbed to his pleas. Soon they tossed their clothes off, made a bed of their garments, and began to make love. The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead mingled with the low rumble of thunder inside them. The excited lovers never looked up to see the charred remains of trees on the knoll.

 

Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity that night. With a blinding light, a bolt of lightning struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be the pre-med student's ass, and sought the path of least resistance straight down. Incredibly, he survived, albeit in excruciating pain.

 

The heat of the bolt had fused together flesh and latex so that the two lovers were now stuck together. The woman unfortunately did not survive the lightning strike. When the student looked down into the vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realized she was dead, his immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her. When he found that he couldn't, a wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girl's face and open mouth.

 

Heaving only caused more pain and illness. Finally he passed out. Attracted by the smell, a bear found its way to the lovers and began to lick semi-digested plzza and buffalo wings from the dead girl's face. The student roused from his exhaustion. When he saw the bear, he realized that there was nothing he could do but lay silently in fear.

 

To his horror, the bear became dissatisfied with just a lick and started to eat the girl; loudly crunching her facial bones inches from his ear. The bear also sampled the student, scraping the back of his skull with its teeth, before moving on.

At 11:35AM, a group of camping girl scouts arrived at the lover's tryst, where the pre-med student's car was parked. Minutes later, three screaming girls discovered the student, who had regained consciousness several times in the night and had managed to drag himself and the partially-eaten girl several meters towards the road.

 

Doctors managed to separate the student from the corpse.

 

According to a hospital source, his p3nis resembled "a small piece of cauliflower" in its flaccid state. The first hint of arousal resulted in so much pain that the student was unable and unwilling to achieve an erection. It is doubtful that it will ever again function in a procreatory sense."

 

[This message has been edited by murta (edited April 29, 2001).]

[Rufio]

gross, just gross.

 

[NiKo]

WHOOOOOAAAAA DUDE!!!!!!

is that a REAL story!!!!???

holy crappyola!!!!!!

 

 

 

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[brief]

Ah, urban legends... these story are false. Take a look here and here

 

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"No matter what a stripper tells you,

 There is no sex in the champagne room.

 None.

 Oh, there's champagne in the champagne room,

 But you don't want champagne.

 You want sex.

 And there's no sex in the champagne room."

  --Chris Rock, No Sex (In the Champagne Room)

 

[This message has been edited by brief (edited May 03, 2001).]

[Rufio]

thankyou brief, is there anything u donot know?

[brief]

Well, I don't know the stuff that I don't know... 'cause if I knew what they were, then I would know them. Catch my drift?

 

Oh, whatever the stuff is that I don't know about, plus women. I definitely don't know women. Er... I mean, I don't know women as in I don't understand why they do the things they do, not that I'm not acquainted with women... um.. never mind.

 

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"Time travelling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to studying the other great mystery of the universe: women!"

  --Doc Brown, Back to the Future II

[MegaMonkey]

That's one sick story. I'm glad it isn't true. Almost puked my bananas out, thanks to you murta!

 

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