Daft Adidas Posted March 16, 2007 Share Posted March 16, 2007 Hope you can give me good criticisim on how to improve and a rating. His last battle was as a clone fighting at Kaskyyyk. What a battle it was. This is what happened in his story. Just a normal troop he may be this was him fighting off droids. These odd veichles came rolling onto the shores Wookies trying to blow them up. Some were hit some were not. Some wookies were killed and some were not. Back to what he sees is war. Nothing fun. No excitement just pain, death injury and what hurt him most was that some clones were in pain, alot of pain and no one could be bothered to help another up. Not even squadmates or best friends. This Clone did not have a name. That was quite upsetting for him. He was just a number. With a letter at the front. Nothing else. He was just a worthless number behind a helmet. He was T-445. Boring isn't it? Though let's give him a name to brighten things up? How about hmm Dan? Ok now let's see what happened. Dan pulls out his new blaster only to be used on special occasions. This was one. Thye were losing to droids. Silly robots given blasters. "I want everyone of them in scatters!" shouted the Commander. "Yes sir!" shouted Dan with confidence. "Did I ask you to speak!" He roared over the battle. "Get shooting you worthless clone!" This was common. Dan would just suffer in silence. You see Dan is no clone. He is a original human. In an accident they thought he was an astray clone out on tatooine. Why? He looks like the clones under the helmet. This is why they treat him bad. Like maybe he had ran off... The droids came onto the shore getting blasted back onto the beach as they came. Then that odd machine-veichle thing came along. It was firing at our defence turrets. Then it came closer to Dan. He had no clue he was not watching. He was crouched down reloading. He got up and jumped out the way. Though it ran over his two legs. There was a large crack. "Unit dead sir, I think" a private said seriously. "That was the coward, he deserved it" laughed the Commander. It was so painful he could not cry or make any noises. He could hardly breath. His squad ran off. After at least ten minutes had passed by they had won. His side had won. His side had turned turned against the wookies and all were killed. In packs either Clones went of the beachhead into the real part of Kashyyyk or they left. He slowly crawled up the the beach and one clone helped him up. "You are?" he said brushing the sand of him. "I'm a First class Clone Cameron and you?" he said proudly. "T-445" he sighed. "Oh well I'll get you to join our squad by the way we won, we didn't even need the droids!" So that's what happened. Some years later. This thing called the Death Star was made and he was now a Stormtrooper. In a year of his time as a ST he fled back to Tatooine. Sadly several months later they found him and killed him. He had doen his duty. All he wanted was to stay with is family...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Um, actually I think its a bit too fact paced. Maybe you should explain more about the part about Dan not being a clone. I found that bit hard to understand, but the work shows some effort. Keep practicing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daft Adidas Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Ok. That's always been one of my thigns though. Going a bit too fast. I'll work on it. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fredi Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 It's a good Fic , the part of Dan not being a clone is very strange I belive impossible since I douth we wold wear his healmet all the time ha-ha , But I did like the story , I hope to see more since I like the way you express yourself..... Good Job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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