[Poem] Into Exile

[Lord Spitfire]

Hi, guys! I'm new here, and I just whipped this up out of nowhere when I was feeling bored.

 

Anyways, this is a poem about how Revan's party members react to his leaving to the unknown regions. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Into Exile

 

 

He stood over the brink of chaos,

where he would unleash himself,

letting his anger vent, and passion

flow through him, as he freed himself

from the grasp of the force.

I say goodbye. As the force binds me,

I shall break my shackles. And charge the fray.

If I do not return . . .

it means I have succeeded.

 

But there is another. He abandons himself

to bloodlust,

as he did all those years ago

on the barren wasteland,

now his will binds him to a promise.

I will bring back what you have destroyed

at Malachor.

I promise.

The Mandalorians shall rise again!

 

Then there is the captain,

the leader,

the admiral,

who is lost.

I promise.

I shall strengthen that which

you rely upon.

I will not let the emblem of the galaxy f

all into ruin.

For the Republic!

 

But then there she lies.

Alone.

Lost.

Waiting.

The fires that in her

heart are the very thing

that she grew up learning

to avoid.

But she was no longer afraid

to love.

I will wait for you until the end.

I shall obey your orders.

I would die for you.

I would die for your words.

The light is always strogner than the dark!

 

I will come back.

I promise.

But what is a promise?

 

I will wait for you until the end.

When the darkness falls,

I shall be there.

Still waiting.

 

Malachor.

 

The Star Forge.

 

The Infinite Empire.

 

Mandalore.

 

The Republic.

 

The Sith.

 

The Jedi!

 

 

 

Phew! I'm done. Well, that was a long poem. What do you think?

[Diego Varen]

You are a much better poem writer than I, Lord Spitfire. Perhaps you could do a poem with the Jedi Exile's reactions to him/her leaving for the Unknown Regions. One mistake I noticed was that Mandalorins is spelt wrong. It should be Mandalorians. Also, I believe that every line should have a captial at the beginning of every new line. Good poem and I'm looking foward to more of your works.

[Lord Spitfire]

Thanks for the comments!

 

I never realized the Mandalorians typo. Though in poetry, it's not neccessary to cpatalize the beginning of each stanza.

[Diego Varen]

I never realized the Mandalorians typo. Though in poetry, it's not neccessary to cpatalize the beginning of each stanza.

 

Isn't it? I really need to read some more poems .

[JediMaster12]

Not really Tops.

 

Anyway kid this is an interesting poem and reminded me a bit of Walt Whitman. Whitman was known for writing his poems more like a prose version but he used other elements to keep it together. Tops can tell you that I like the rhyme having produced two of my own and rewriting his. I like how you give differing views of Revan's departure to teh Unknown Regions and it seems to reflect acurrately the personalities and the end results in TSL like Carth becoming an admiral. Perhaps to make a better transition would be to place like a refrain stanza in between each point of view that expresses all their opinion together like Revan has gone, and...etc. It would continue this theme of sorrow but also unite the various opinions. I am one of those people who like to have a good transition. It's a habit from Eng. 101 that I carried to the muttered musings of the anthropological world.

 

I say keep it up kid. Poetry only gets better the more you practice. Tops seems to think that I'm a natural and quite a few others but like I said, it's practice. It's the same advice I give to those writing fics. There is always room to fix something or change it if it isn't right. Good job kid.

[Lord Spitfire]

Thnks for the advice, I'll try to improve my flow. I suppose that is what you meant by transition.