Darth Kalverys Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 The Destruction of the Star Forge "Revan, come on, we have to go!" Carth and the redeemed Jedi Knight Bastila yelled. "I'm coming, I'm coming..." Revan mumbled, taking one last look at his magnificent Star Forge. It's too bad, that it's a factory of the Darkside. He thought. "Come on, Revan..." Mission said. The Star Forge began to collapse... Revan and Mission both ran on board, barely making it up the ramp before it closed on them. "Uhhh... we have a problem..." Carth said... all my instruments are jammed, I can't get the Ebon Hawk started. Revan rolled his eyes, and grabbed his hydro-spanner and took T3-M4 to the circutry room. "Come on T3, we've gotta get this workin'." Revan said. T3 beebed a reply, saying he knew that was what his job was. Revan and T3 began working on the hyper-drive/ engine. ZAP! "Owwwww!" Revan yelled, but the Ebon Hawk started up. Revan walked to Jolee, who had a medpack ready when he heard Revan scream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrPhil2501 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Okay, an improvement since your last fic "Juhani's death", but this is way too short. Even for a Short Fiction. You could have added more to the story, like say for example; how the Ebon Hawk escaped from the Star Forge or the victory party at the Unknown World. These sort of things aren't just passages and small paragraphs, so you'll need to add more to the story. M'kay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 Wow, that was, re-he-he-he-he-heeeeallllly short. But good, none-the-less. I do agree with Phantom Knight though. This is alot more added onto it. Alot more. But as I said .... good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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