[fic] [FIC] Never Blind in the Force

[DrPhil2501]

Nice job, regardless of the spelin' erras

 

And yeah, to quote Padme, "Luke needs to hit Cade over the head with a lightsaber". This fanfic truely expreseses the potential blind people have to do anything. I saw on this news report that some kid, whom was born blind, could play the piano.

 

Anyway, keep it up. And I'm looking forward to reading those good parts you mentioned.

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks, PK! I totally want to finish this fanfic for everyone to enjoy. (That is, if I do finish. )

 

And you guys are right. Blind people have the ability to do amazing things. Say like Ray Charles and Stevie Wonders. They also played music, even when they were kids. I love to make stories that'll touch people's heart.

 

Anyway, I want to thank you both. I'll get to the next chapter as soon as possible.

[SkywalkerRules]

Chapter 8

 

Deliah Blue and Jariah Syn flew the Mynock towards Tatooine. Could they possibly get a job there? Deliah thought so. There was nowhere else they could work at... so Tatooine was the only choice.

 

"Kark, Blue! Why are we even here in this Planet of a Rock?!" Syn asked, as he complained.

 

Deliah frowned, and turned to Syn. "This is the only place we haven't been to. Or at least I think it isn't. Anyway, stop your whining, and keep flying this piece of old metal!"

 

The view of Tatooine was beautiful as they entered into the atmosphere. Once they landed in Mos Eisley and got out of the Mynock, Deliah and Syn looked around. All sorts of species walked on top of the sandy ground, and spaceships of all kinds flew in or out of Tatooine. This was a good day to find a job.

 

"C'mon, Syn. Maybe that shop right there looks like a good place for new workers. Don't you think?"

 

Syn looked at the little shop ahead. It invovled mechanics and ship repairs. As much as Deliah loved mechanical things, he had no other choice. "Fine, Let's go see what's up."

 

They walked towards the building, which had the title of its workshop called Mechanical Repair Shop.

 

" 'Help Wanted'. Perfect timing," Deliah said to herself. She and Syn walked inside the little building.

 

 

* * *

 

Some of the Sith on Korriban were ready to take off for Coruscant. At the other building on Coruscant, other members were waiting for Atrocious' arrival and orders. They planned to take over Ossus and Coruscant... again.

 

Atrocious walked towards his shuttle, along with young Jazk. This time, Atrocious thought, the Jedi wouldn't stand in his way. After what they did to him.

 

Jazk, on the other hand, didn't know what was going on. As young as he was, there was much to learn about being a Sith. "Daddy? Why are we going to Coruscant?" Atrocious glanced down at his son, and smiled.

 

Then he replied, "My son... when you grow older, you'll understand what it means to exterminate the Jedi. They are the enemies. And we have to deal with them. Do you understand?"

 

Jazk looked down and shrugged. "Yeah. I guess." As they walked into the shuttle, they were greeted by Darth Fury.

 

"My lord. The ship is ready for Coruscant. Is there anything else you'd like to order, before we leave?" Atrocious glared down, and thought of what the Sith could do next.

 

He looked back up towards Fury. "No. Not until we reach Coruscant." Fury bowed, and went up the docking ramp of Atrocious' shuttle. Both father and son followed Fury, and were ready for take off.

 

The shuttle flew in the air, and departed from Korriban.

 

 

* * *

 

It was beginning to become morning, as Amora was sound asleep in her bed. As she continued to sleep, someone shook her. The young girl grew frightened and turned on the lights near her bed.

 

Amora looked up and saw Zane. She sighed. "Oh my gosh, Zane. You scared me half to death. What's wrong?"

 

Zane smiled nervously. "I'm sorry to wake you on short notice... but it's time to pack your things." Using the Force to guide him, Zane turned and walked towards Amora's drawer, to pull her clothes out. As he did, a smile crept up into his face.

 

Amora got up from her bed, confused. "Wait. What are you talking about?"

 

"You were right, Amora. My hopes and dreams can come true. All I have to do is go out there, and prove myself. I'm tired of sitting here on Ossus doing nothing! There could be so much adventure going on out there in the Unknown!" After saying this, Zane grabbed Amora's luggage, and placed it on the bed.

 

The young teenage girl shook her head with a frown, and came close to Zane. Then she asked, "Does your dad know about this?"

 

"No, but I'm gonna prove him wrong! Now less talking, more packing!"

 

Amora shrugged, and helped Zane with her clothes into her luggage. After they packed, Zane and Amora tipped-toed out of her room, and down to the Docking Bay.

 

As they got there, they were greeted by Mordy. "Welcome to the Docking Bay of the Jedi Praxuem!" he said, with a bright smile. Amora looked at the huge Jedi Shuttle, and grinned.

 

"Woah. No wonder kids can't play in here!" She turned to Mordy and Zane. "Well... c'mon! Let's go!" She excitedly ran towards the shuttle. Zane could sense in the Force that Amora was ready to have an adventure of a lifetime too. This made him smile.

 

Inside the Jedi Shuttle, Zane, Amora, Mordy, Brock, and Rosy were ready to fly the ship out to space. As they fastened their seat belts, Mordy was checking for everything that was needed.

 

"Food supply? Check. Coordinate set? Check. Weapons? Check. Friends? Check. And lucky goggles..." Mordy placed his lucky goggles on his eyes and grinned. "Check. All right, you Jedi players! Let's get this piece of junk into space!"

 

Mordy pressed the red button on. Suddenly, they felt the shuttle being lifted up in the air. This was going to be one bumpy ride! "Heeeeere we go!!" The shuttle flew out of the Praxuem, and into space.

 

As the Jedi Shuttle departed from Ossus, Mordy turned to Zane.

 

"You know your dad's gonna kill you for this, right?"

 

Zane grinned. "Yeah. I know."

 

 

* * *

 

The sun rose up on Ossus, as all the birds sung to wake sleepers up. Cade rose from his bed and yarned. After her placed his clothes on, Cade walked into the Dining Hall. All the Jedi were there eating happily. But there was one person he didn't see. Zane.

 

Cade walked towards his son's room and opened his door. "Zane? Time to get up." He gently pulled the covers off. But what he found was... a whole stack of pillows under the covers!

 

Cade gasped in surprise. As he ran out of Zane's room, Wolf, Shado, and the other Jedi Masters ran towards him in the hallway.

 

"You went to your son's room?" Shado asked, panting.

 

"Yeah! Where's Zane?! Where's my son?!"

 

K'Kruhk tried to calm Cade down. "Be calm, Master Skywalker. I'm sure he's here in the Jedi Temple somewhere. Maybe he's with his friends out in the Jungle."

 

"I don't think so." A female Bothan Jedi Master stepped up, and handed Cade a datapad. Then she added, "Brace yourself, Master Skywalker."

 

Cade slowly grabbed the datapad, and glanced down at it.

 

It read:

 

DON'T WORRY, DAD. MY FRIENDS AND I WILL EXPLAIN

LATER.

 

LOVE ZANE.

 

After reading the message, Cade glanced up with a shocked look on his face. Outside the Praxuem, all is quiet, when all of a sudden....

 

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Cade screams.

 

Birds flew out of their trees in shock, and small animals in the jungle looked up, startled. Zane Skywalker was in a world of trouble.

[Empress Padme]

*laughs* love the last sentence.Someone's gonna have a sore tush when they get home.Great chapter.In Zane you have definately created a character to root for. I wanna see him successed.

[JediMaster12]

After reading seven and eight I can see that you have taking the advice of separating people and their thoughts with a new paragraph. You still have some awkward sentences like the first one when the sun rose and Amora is being shaken awake. It is awkward and doesn't fit quite right. What could work is something like, "The sun started stretching its waves over Ossus but Amora was sound asleep, dreaming..." It flows better if written that way.

 

As to when Amora and Zane are joined by their friends, you really didn't elaborate as to how they decided to go through the plan. Obviously Amora gets the rundown from Zane but how do the others get involved? Events like these allow for character development.

 

The initial description of Tatooine being beautiful from the window is a paradox at best. Almost everyone knows that Tatooine is the biggest sandbox there is. Often certain attitudes are attributed to certain planets. Tatooine always seems to have sarcasm around it because it is a dustbowl and there are nothing but wretched hives of scum and villany and moisture farmers, Sand People and Jawas.

 

Overall I like the plot and its development. It is amusing and understandable about Cade Skywalker and his worry for his son. I can also the overpreotecting theme there. Keep it up and I look forward to more.

[SkywalkerRules]

Thank you.

 

Chapter 9

 

As Morrigan walked down the streets in the Underworld of Coruscant, she looked around cautiously. The lower levels were not a friendly at all. There were so much scum in the Underworld; you wouldn't even want to count them.

Keep walking, and don't bust a move on anyone. That's what Morrigan did.

 

Morrigan continued to walk down the streets when all of a sudden...

 

"Help! Somebody help me!" That scream came from a nearby woman, screaming for help. A male Trandoshan was trying to snatch the young lady's bag. This looked like a job for Morrigan Corde!

 

Morrigan walked over to the Trandoshan, and tapped his shoulder gently. When he turned around, however, Morrigan punched him square in the face, knocking him down to the ground. She then turned to the woman.

 

"Run." The young woman thanked Morrigan, and ran as fast as she could. Morrigan smiled. Suddenly, four thugs surrounded her.

 

The male human with black hair stepped up. "Well, well, well. Look what we've got here, boys. A lady causing' trouble! Let's show her what we've got." The thugs began to run towards Morrigan.

 

But she had plans of her own. Morrigan back flipped in the air behind a Rodian thug, and kicked him hard on the back. The other three came towards her as well, but as soon as they were about to hit her, Morrigan spun around in the air, and punched all three thugs hard.

 

After her little showdown, she said to them, "That'll teach you to mess with a grandmother!" She walked away. Suddenly, the comlink on her belt began to vibrate.

 

"Mom?! Mom, you there?" It was Cade's voice, her son, whom she hasn’t seen for a longtime during his childhood.

 

Morrigan grabbed the comlink, and smiled. "Go ahead, Cade."

 

"Mom! Have you seen Zane anywhere? We just found out that the Jedi Shuttle's gone, and there's no sign of Zane and his friends!"

 

Morrigan laughed quietly. "Calm down, Cade. It sounds like you've just seen a Force ghost! Now don't you worry about Zane. He and his friends will be fine, I'm sure. I'll come down to the Praxuem... see what's going on. Over and out."

 

After her little conversation with her son, Morrigan glanced up at the morning sky, and wondered if Zane was going to be all right. "May the Force be with you, Zane."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Zane sat in the co-pilot seat, staring at the view. He looked down in deep thought. "Dad must've found out about our runaway. I'm so gonna be dead. But no matter... I've got my friends and the Force!" Zane looked back up and smiled.

 

Amora came in from the passenger room, and came behind Zane. "So Zane? How did Mordy, Brock, and Rosy get involved?"

 

Zane grinned with twinkling grey eyes, but kept looking at the view. "You see... before I went to bed, I gathered them in my room to plan out our little getaway to another world. I felt that they were excited to go on the adventure in store for us. But then I forgot to tell you."

 

The young girl nodded, and smiled. She was glad to have a friend who cared so much about his destiny. But she was also worried about him. If anything or anyone tried to hurt Zane… she’d be there for him.

 

“What are the others doing?” Mordy asked, as he piloted the Jedi Shuttle. He was very skilled at piloting a ship. If you asked Mordy to fly passengers to Hoth, even when the wind blew hard… he’d do it.

 

Amora glanced at Mordy and smiled. “Brock and Rosy are playing a game of dejarik.” She squinted her eyes at the view. “So… where are we going?”

 

Zane and Mordy looked at each other. Then they gave each other a smile.

 

“Next stop: Coruscant!!” both boys yelled. Mordy pulled the lever up, as they all sat tight for hyperspace. The stars became lines, and the Jedi Shuttle blasted off for Coruscant.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Marasiah stood in her throne room, and looked at the view of Coruscant. The beautiful sun's ray reflected on the buildings. Coruscant shone brightly. But not Marasiah.

 

She still couldn't understand why Moff Lee wouldn't want to negotiate with Jedi as the Empire's ally. And if any case... she herself might try and ally with the Galactic Alliance too. But it wasn't that easy though. Marasiah sighed and looked down.

 

"Are you all right, my lady?" Astraal Vao, Marasiah's missionary and old Twi'lek friend, walked up to her side. Ever since they've been through hard times, Astraal was always there for her. Only a true friend would be like Astraal.

 

Marasiah kept her eyes on the view and smiled warmly. "Yes. I'm fine, thanks. But... I don't get why Moff Lee doesn't want the Jedi on our side. Cade Skywalker saved my life, and I want to repay him." On Vendaxa, the Sith wounded Marasiah badly... but then Cade used his healing technique to save her. She sighed.

 

"What do you think is right, Astraal?"

 

Astraal turned to Marasiah. Then grinned. "I think the Jedi should have a chance. If you want them to join us... I agree."

 

Marasiah looked at her friend with tears in her eyes. All she wanted was for the Galaxy to be at peace. "Thanks." The two old friends gave each other a friendly hug.

[DrPhil2501]

I liked the part where Cade's mother was beating up those thugs. That was kinda funny .

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks, PK. And guess what: Zane's mother is coming later in the story. But I'm not telling who it is... yet.

 

Chapter 10

 

The Sith shuttle reached Coruscant in front of the tall building where some of the Sith met. They were about to have a meeting with some of the other Sith to overthrow the Jedi on Ossus. They were also planning on having a new Sith Temple on Coruscant. It would be much stronger than Krayt's. At least Atrocious hoped it would be.

 

"We are now landing on the platform, my lord," the pilot said.

 

Atrocious nodded, as he and Jazk sat side by side to each other. Once the Sith shuttle landed, Atrocious, Jazk, and Fury got out, and were greeted by their fellow Sith.

 

As they went inside the building to the other Sith for training, Fury spoke to his master. "Our plans are coming as it should, my lord. The Jedi will be weakened, and the Sith will once more rule again."

 

"Yes," Atrocious replied, "and the Jedi will pay for what they did to me." He clutched his fist. "Ever since I trained under Cade Skywalker, I was his best student. But he never looked at my point of view on how the Galaxy should be. Thanks to him, I'm banished now."

 

A smile came upon his face.

 

Then he added, "No matter. I got plans for him... personally." The Sith continued to walk down the hallways of the tall building.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Cade paced back and forth on the floors of the meeting room. There were going to be some major explanations from Zane when he got home! Or if he did come home. Cade was steaming angry when he thought about Zane sneaking out like that.

 

Wolf glanced at Cade. "Calm down, Cade. He'll be fine. His friends are with him, so there's no reason to be worked up."

 

Cade stopped his pacing, and slowly turned his head towards Wolf.

 

"Worked up? Worked up?! Who said anything about being worked up?! That teenage son of mine is going somewhere probably dangerous! What if they land on Hoth? Or Mustafar? Or worse... Korriban?!"

 

Suddenly, they heard another voice. "Quit whining, Cade. Like Wolf said, Zane's gonna be fine."

 

The Jedi Masters turned, and the voice belonged to no other than Morrigan Corde. Cade sighed.

 

"Oh thank the Force your here, mom. But see... Zane's--"

 

"Blind? Hm. Should've known you'd say that," Morrigan said. She came closer to Cade. "Let me help you find him. My instinct tells me that he's probably going to Coruscant. I just left from there. What do you say?"

 

Cade squinted his eyes at his mother. The thought of being with her again made him feel uncomfortable all of a sudden... because she left him and Kol Skywalker. He then sighed.

 

"Fine. You and I will go look for him. Let's go." As they went out, Cade turned. "Master K'Kruhk? Can you watch out for everything?"

 

The old Whiphid smiled and answered, "Of course, Cade."

 

And with that, Cade and Morrigan got in her shuttle, and took off. Good thing they brought R2-D2 with them... just to be on the safe side.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The Jedi Shuttle landed in the Underworld of Coruscant. Zane and the others got out of the shuttle, and left it in the local docking bay. This was going to be some crazy adventure for the five teenagers!

 

"Oh, kark!" Mordy yelled. "I forgot the lightsabers!" He thought he left the lightsabers in the locked Jedi Shuttle on accident.

 

Brock turned to Mordy, confused. "Uh, Mordy? Rosy's got them in the bag."

 

The young Twi'lek glanced at Rosy. Then at the brown bag. "Oh. Well... I was being sarcastic, darn it!"

 

Zane smiled. This was to prove to his dad that he could do all things... even if he was blind. He turned his head slowly to his friends, while Amora held on to him.

 

"We should stop to get something to drink. What do you guys think?" Zane asked.

 

The young Jedi padawans thought about it. They were getting thirsty after that hour trip they had coming to Coruscant. And besides, if any thug stood in their way... they'd be ready for anything.

 

Mordy and the others nodded. "Yeah. Let's stop at a cantina." He glanced at a nearby cantina called Rik's Cantina. "Hey! That looks like a good spot."

 

The five friends went to the cantina, as other species were coming in and out of it.

[JediMaster12]

The two chapters were a nice introduction to Morrigan, Cade's mother. You also giving an interesting quirk to her personality. It seems that in her endeavor to help others, she leaves that which sould be the most important behind. It also provides the basis for Cade's overprotectiveness of his son. What I find interesting and I don't know if you know it is your use of the Morrigan. In Celtic lore she is the Celtic goddess of war which seems fitting to the character in the story since she has a liking to get into a fight.

 

The explanation of Zane's other friends joining him was well thought out and the careless remarks of palnning the getaway but forgetting to tell is typical of a teenaged attitude. It goes to show that even though Zane knows the ways of a Jedi and the like, he is still a child. It is also reflected in the comments made by his friends when they talk of leaving the lightsabers in the shuttle. It also gives a good commadre, a much needed thing if you have a group of friends.

 

Overall you have gotten better in your presentation of the chapters. you separate your paragraphs well along with the individual thoughts and the like. There are some minor grammar errors but nothing that a beta can pick out and help with. Keep on going. I am curious to see how Cade develops his relationship with his mother.

[Empress Padme]

loving it.you really do get better with each chapter.look forward to more!

[DrPhil2501]

So far the only mistake I could point out was this line:

 

"Quick whining, Cade. Like Wolf said, Zane's gonna be fine." I assume you meant "Quit".

 

Don't worry about it, its nothing. Mistakes are bound to happen when people write, and its only one little mistake.

 

I wonder what those kids are gonna drink when they enter the cantina? The possibilities are endless: Juma, Coreilian Ale, Jirly Juice... mmmm, alcoholic... I wonder what the legal limit it is in the Star Wars universe?

 

I'm just kidding.

[SkywalkerRules]

That's where I made the mistake! But thanks, PK. I looked over my story and changed a few things. And I hope Zane and his friends don't get drunk.

 

Thanks for loving it, Padme. I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying it.

 

And JediMaster12, thanks for everything. Cade's relationship with his mother maybe skeptical to him, but he needs all the help he can get to get Zane back home. Their relationship might grow during their journey.

And Zane, along with his friends? Teenagers. What are you gonna do with them?

 

But other than that, I want to thank everyone.

[SkywalkerRules]

Chapter 11

 

In Mos Eisley of Tatooine, Deliah and Syn worked at the little workshop of the Mechanical Repair Shop. As Syn worked with the weapons at the front counter, Deliah worked on repairing some ships for the customers.

 

Mr. Ling, their Rodian boss, checked up on them. He said to them, "Once you're done with the weapons and speeders, you can take a ten minute break." He walked back into his office in the back.

 

Deliah sighed. Working this hard almost made her faint.

 

"Gee... thanks," she mumbled.

 

Syn turned to her, and asked, "You think we're gonna get paid enough for this? I really miss killing those criminals with my thud bug!"

 

"You and your bugs, Syn. Just keep working, will ya?"

 

The two old friends continued to work on their duties. After they were done, Deliah and Syn let out a sigh of relief.

 

"Boy, I'm glad that's over!" Syn said. He took a clean towel, and wiped the sweat off from his forehead. Then he added, "I hope we don't work in here for the rest of our miserable lives."

 

"Don't worry, Syn. Things will get better..." She glanced up at the ceiling, wondering. "I hope." Deliah was still thinking about Cade. After all the things they've been through, she wanted to see him again. Life was getting boring without him. She smiled sadly, as she pictured Cade's young handsome face.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Cade and Morrigan flew the ship from Ossus to Coruscant. The journey was going to be pretty tough for the two. But they knew how to take care of the obstacles that would stand in their way. All they needed to do was find Zane and his friends, then go back to Ossus.

 

Morrigan eyed at Cade. Then she continued to look ahead as she flew her shuttle. "You're thinking. What's going on?"

 

Cade glared at his mother. Then looked down at his lap. He responded, "Nothing, mom. It's just that... I don't get why you left dad and I. Why'd you do it, mom?"

 

The old Empire agent had a glint of sadness in her eyes. She sighed.

 

"I left because... I was afraid."

 

"Afraid of what?" Cade asked, curiously.

 

Morrigan looked at him. "Afraid that I wouldn't take better care of you. I was also scared about the fact that the Jedi wouldn't appreciate me being there with you and Kol." She shrugged. "The Empire wanted me back on the field. So... I went back."

 

Cade understood now. He could sense the hardship she's been going through. For a Imp agent, she was sure tough. But deep inside, Cade sensed a loving mother and grandmother.

 

He smirked. "Yeah, well... I just hope that I won't do the same to Zane."

 

"You won't. Trust me." Suddenly, she laughed. Then she replied, "I just noticed something... Zane's got his mother's eyes, and your hairstyle when you were a bounty hunter... only thing is that his hair is combed."

 

Cade closed his eyes. "Please don't mention my wife, mom."

 

Morrigan squinted her eyes. "Why?"

 

"Whenever someone mentions about her... it stings my heart to picture her beautiful face... and name."

 

Morrigan felt the same way. When she heard that Kol Skywalker died, it pained her. But she kept moving on... like Cade.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As Zane and his friends drunk some good refreshments, they began to talk with one another. Music, entertainers, and hologames were everywhere. And every species were having a time of their life in Rik's Cantina.

 

"Boy, that was good!" Zane said, as he spun his stool towards the dance floor. "And it's good to hear that everyone's having a good time here. Right, Mordy?"

 

There was no answer. Zane got confused. "Mordy?"

 

Brock sighed, and shook his head at the dance floor. "On the dance floor."

 

Mordy looked like he was having a crazy dance competition on the dance floor of the cantina. He danced with two girls. One was a human girl with white hair and a female Balosar with brown hair.

 

"Yaw gonna make me lose my mind! Up in here! Up in there!" Mordy sang.

 

Zane sighed, and said, "Yep. That's Mordy all right." The others agreed.

 

"Looks like he had too much of that juice," Rosy added.

 

Mordy looked at the floor. "Wow!! The floor's breathing! Hey, guys! You should come see this! Haha!"

 

Brock stood up from his stool. "I better go help him," he told the others. When Brock came back with Mordy, the two sat down on the stools again. Mordy placed his head down on the counter to rest.

 

Suddenly, they heard a voice from the other area. "Children? Here? Interesting..."

 

Zane turned his head to where the voice came from. "And who might you be?" he asked politely.

 

A green female Hutt smiled. "I'm Queen Jool, sugar. But you kids can call me Aunt Jool." She slid over to the group of friends. Suddenly, she focused her cybernetic eye on Zane.

 

"What a sec! Aren't you Cade's son? Sweet old Cade?" Jool asked.

 

Zane grinned and nodded, as he rested his elbows on the counter. "Why yes. Yes I am."

 

Jool's smile became even bigger. "Wow! you just look like him! Same handsome eyes, looks, voice... it just takes my breath away! Your dad was such a sweetcake. Just like you."

 

Zane smiled. He wasn't sure about sweet, but he thought his dad was an okay guy. He almost forgot to introduce himself and his friends. "Oh! I'm Zane Skywalker. And these are my friends. Amora, Rosy, Brock, and sleepyhead Mordy."

 

The five of them waved. Jool bowed. "The pleasures all mine, kids. I'm glad to see Cade's good-looking son and his young friends around here. Beautiful!"

 

Amora nodded. "Oh, yes! We're having a blast. Zane's also the nicest kid in the Galaxy. He can fight good too." She placed a hand on Zane's shoulder.

 

The young man looked down, closing his eyes. "Problem is... I'm blind."

 

Jool felt so bad for Zane. He seemed like a good kid... but having poor eye sights made her feel sorry. "Oh! Oh, you precious little thing! I'm so sorry."

 

"It's okay, Aunt Jool. I ran away from home, because my dad and I got into a huge fight. He thinks I shouldn't be a Jedi Knight, because of my blindness. So I want to prove that the Force is strong in me..."

 

The five teenage friends gathered together.

 

"And my friends."

 

Jool placed her hands together. She adored it when friends came together for each others helps and needs. "Oooh! That's so sweet! Friends having an adventure of a lifetime. You kids have a place to stay?"

 

"No ma'am," Zane answered, standing up, "but... can you tell us where we could stay awhile?" He and Jool's hands met when he stood up.

 

Jool responded, "Well, there is one inn you can stay awhile. It's just about... three blocks down."

 

Zane was excited to hear that a local inn was near. Finally, they could rest in comfortable beds. "Thanks, Aunt Jool. And thanks for everything. We appreciate it."

 

"Anytime, sweetie pie. Anytime. You little blossoms be careful out there."

 

Zane and friends bowed, and turned towards the exit. But before they could go, Jool called out to them.

 

"Hey, Zane! Just remember: Even if you're blind, don't give up hope. Just keep moving on."

 

Zane turned his head towards the side and smiled. "Thank you, Aunt Jool. I'll keep that in mind." And with that, they went out.

 

Jool smiled sadly. "That's a wonderful kid with a beautiful heart." She went back to business as usual.

[Empress Padme]

LMAO ' the floor's breathing' I...can't even write I'm laughing so hard. Great chapter !

[DrPhil2501]

I never really liked Jool. S/he always creeped me out (Hutts are Asexual, I think...).

[JediMaster12]

Nice chpater. With Jool though I would think that there would be some wariness. Usually if someone asks are you so and so's boy, you get on the defense. Especially if you know that your parent is well known. Most want to dissassociate from the parent because they know the risks. Of course it is your story. I don't really know who Jool is but she sounds like an interesting character.

 

The conversation between Cade and Morrigan was full of insight but probably rushed. I got the impression that there would be some awkwardness, maybe an accusation like "You left us! What was I supposed to do?" kind of thing. It was slightly rushed. If they hadn't spoken for awhile as was seemed to have been implied, there would be quite a few pauses and hesitations.

 

The description of Morrigan being an Imperial agent fits with the name you gave her. Morrigan is the Celtic goddess of war and given your character's temprament, it fits well.

 

Hope that helps.

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks, JediMaster12. If I rushed things, I'm really sorry. But thank you though.

Jool creeps you out, PK? Well... can't argue with that.

Yeah, looks like Mordy's had too much of that "Juma Juice".

 

Chapter 12

 

"Listen, Cade..." Morrigan sighed. "I know how it feels to lose someone you love... but you have to understand that your wife is still with you... even if you don't mention her name."

 

Cade grew angry. Then he snapped, "Mom!! She's all I ever had! Her and Zane! Those two are what I hold dear." He glanced at his side, looking at the porthole.

 

"Since the day she died, I can remember her being in bed, not breathing. I still have that horrible thought..."

 

Cade was in the kitchen, fixing breakfast. When he was done, he brought the food up to his and his wife's bedroom.

 

He smiled. "Honey... I brought food for your hungry stomach." His wife still had her eyes closed, not responding.

 

"C'mon. Ya know you want it." She still didn't answer. "Sweetheart?"

 

When Cade placed a hand over her chest... her heart wasn't pumping. "Sweetie! Oh my God!" Cade placed his wife in his arms, and cried. He rocked her gently. "Please don't die..."

 

Zane, who was about two years old, climbed on the bed, and went to his mother's side. Although Zane was born blind, the little boy sensed everything that surrounded him. That was a way to get on the bed... by using the Force. He had much to learn about it.

 

When Zane touched her hand, he felt, through the Force, his mother's cold hands. The little boy began to cry softly. Suddenly, Zane said, "Mommy, don't go."

 

Cade turned to Zane in surprise. Hearing that his son said his first words made him cry. What suprise him the most was that Zane knew what was happening.

 

"It's gonna be okay, buddy," Cade said to Zane, as he placed both his wife and baby Zane into his arms. "Everything's gonna be okay." He began to cry again. "Everything's gonna be okay..."

 

Cade closed his eyes tightly. Tears came out of them.

 

"I gotta go meditate."

 

Morrigan turned to him. She asked, "You gonna be okay?"

 

Cade nodded his head as he got up to walk out the cockpit. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

 

"Well... do you need anything?" Morrigan asked.

 

"I said I'll be fine!" Cade shouted, and closed the door.

 

When Cade was gone, Morrigan sighed and shook her head silently. The thought of Cade being angry like that made her feel hurt. But she took it well, anyway.

 

Morrigan continued to fly her shuttle to their destination.

 

 

* * *

 

As the five teenage friends walked out the cantina to the local inn, they spotted an old Bith being beaten up by four thugs. Zane glared his grey eyes. He disliked it when an innocent person was beaten.

 

"Stop! Or suffer the consequences!" He said, calling out to the thugs.

 

The thugs stopped, and looked at the the young friends. The Bith ran in horror, not wanting to stick around.

 

One human thug, named Blor Renu, stepped up. He looked middle-aged. "Who you talking to, boy?"

 

Zane continued to glare, and took one step towards them. "I'm talking to you... you no good dirty scum!"

 

Amora held Zane's arm worringly. She didn't want anything to happen to him. She pleaded, "Zane, come on. Let's just walk away and leave from here. Please."

 

Renu smirked. "Yeah. Listen to your little girlfriend, boy. Things could get messy if you do anything reckless." He stared at Amora. "And you might lose your girlfriend too." The thugs began to make howling sounds at Amora.

 

Zane grew very upset. "She's not my girlfriend! She's a good friend, and you better leave her alone."

 

"Oooh! I'm scared!" Renu turned to his boys. "C'mon, boys! Let's get em'!" They ran towards the young friends, ready to fight them.

 

Zane gestured the group to stay back. "I'll handle this."

 

When they ran behind a ship, Zane stood where he was. Suddenly, he heard one human thug jump in the air, ready to kick him. The vibration of the thug's yell and body motion was clear to the Force. The young man moved aside, and letted the human thug fall down to the ground, breaking his leg.

 

The next thug, who was Trandoshan, swung a chain at Zane. But before the chain could hit Zane's face, Zane leaned backwards, bending his back. When he stood straight again, Zane Force pushed the Trandoshan into a nearby wall, hard.

 

The third thug, who was a Cathar, was about to swing a fist at Zane. But Zane ducked, and punched the Cathar's stomach. The Cathar fell down in pain. One last member left was Renu.

 

Renu glared at Zane. "I don't know what you are, boy... but if I see your face again, it's gonna be much worse!" He then began to run away, as the other thugs were moaning to get up.

 

Amora ran to Zane, and hugged him. She said, "Oh Zane! I was getting worried! And... you've beaten those thugs one by one too!" It was amazing that a young blind kid had defeated those tough thugs. Amora shook her head, and smiled in astonishment.

 

"Yeah, that was great and all, but... let's get outta here before more trouble comes," Mordy replied to the others.

 

The others agreed, and began to proceed to the inn.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Marasiah was in her room, resting from all her hard day's work. As she slept, she felt a murmur in the Force.

 

Marasiah shot her eyes open, and stood up. She breathed, and placed a hand on her forehead. Then she called out to Antares.

 

"Antares! Come quick!"

 

Antares, who stood by her door from the outside, rushed in. He asked concernedly, "Are you all right, Sia?"

 

Marasiah nodded. She sighed, and looked down. "I felt a murmur in the Force... like a soft wind. Someone... here on Coruscant... is a Jedi." Marasiah turned to Antares. "Can you and Ganner go see who's here on Coruscant? I want to know who the Jedi is."

 

Antares bowed. "Yes, my lady. Anything for you." He then went out the door to instruct Ganner on their mission.

 

Marasiah sighed heavily, and sunk back in her bed, trying to figure out what that was all about.

[Empress Padme]

lovely, liked the flashback of Zane's first words *tissue*.

[SkywalkerRules]

I know, right? *cries along with Padme* It was real beautiful on how Zane knew his mother died and that he loved her as well.

And the part where Zane's beating up those thugs without his lightsaber... I thought that'd be cool to make him fight like that.

[Rev7]

I love the story so far! Wonderful work! Keep the chapters coming!

[JediMaster12]

The memory itself was very well constructed. It revealed the source of Cade's over protectiveness at least in part and provided a basis for a complex character. I especially was delighted to see how you still put up the barriers concerning his relationship with his mother. There is still some tension there even though they are working to find a person they both love dearly. The thing that bothers me was why Zane's mother died. The questions piling on are was she sick? Did she decide one day to kick the bucket? Why leave behind a son and a husband who love her? It is something that I think should be answered even in part.

 

Zane picking a fight was quite interesting. I especially like how you tried to describe the situation from not being able to see. I always maintain that one of the best ways to grasp the personality of your character is to become your character. RP them in a sense. For it to work, you would have to sit blind folded and use your other senses. Good learnign experience too. I think you could have added something like the only sound he could hear were the footfalls resounding or something like that. It would really give a sense as to what a blind person sees through their other senses.

 

Suddenly, he could hear one human thug fly in the air, ready to kick Zane.

This was awkward in that we already know it is Zane. It would floe better if you just left it as a pronoun, use the word him. It makes it awkward and is bad grammar. Overall the chapter was good. That last bit gives us a bit of a cliff hangar as to what will happen next.

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks, guys! And thank you, JediMaster12. I fixed the mistakes I made. And don't you guys worry. The mystery on how Zane's mother died will be coming soon.

 

Chapter 13

 

As Atrocious stood on the stage in front of every Sith Master and Sith apprentices in the auditorium, he thought about what the future would bring for the Sith. It was going to be a glorious day for Atrocious' revenge against Skywalker and the Jedi. They should've listened to his advice on how the Galaxy should be controlled... but they banished him for such ignorance.

 

He glared down at everyone. Then he silenced them by raising his hand. When all was quiet, Atrocious began his speech.

 

"Many of you have become loyal Sith Lords and apprentices! I am proud. But the main point is that we can overthrow the Jedi, and conquer the whole Galaxy!! Are you ready?!"

 

All the minions of the Dark Side cheered and roared loudly. The Jedi were all to be exterminated, and never be seen again. Krayt may have lost the battle a long time ago... but Atrocious would make sure that the Galactic Empire and the Jedi would soon fall.

 

Atrocious turned to Fury and the other Sith Masters. "Prepare the apprentices for their training. This shall be the last Massacre of Ossus." He chuckled to himself coldly as he walked out of the auditorium.

 

The students were gathered for their training in separated rooms. When they pass their tests, they would invade Ossus, along with their masters.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jazk was on the lower levels of Coruscant, with Sith bodyguards. He had asked his father if he could explore the Underworld of Coruscant. Atrocious let him go, only if he brought bodyguards along with him. It was going to be adventurous for young Jazk!

 

"Jazk, please! Don't go too far! Or your father will have our heads." One of the bodyguards said to him, as they walked the streets of the Underworld. "This place gives me the creeps!"

 

The eleven year old made a 'tsk' sound. "I'm not gonna go far! Just let me see what's going on!"

 

Suddenly, he saw an old Yarkora, begging for food as he sat at on the corner. Jazk felt really bad for the old being. He took out his bag of credits, walked over to the male Yarkora, and gently handed him the credits.

 

"This for you, sir... to buy food," Jazk said to him, smiling.

 

The old Yarkora smiled warmly. "Bless you, child. Good things will happen in your life. Thank you."

 

The young boy smiled. Then he heard his bodyguards urging him to come along. Jazk ran back to them, frowning.

 

"What were you doing? Do you want us to report this to your father, Jazk?!" The other bodyguard warned him.

 

Jazk glanced down. "I was only trying to help him." They continued to walk down the streets of the Underworld. As they walked, Jazk saw that his lightsaber fell from his utility belt accidently. It began to roll away. The young boy gasped.

 

"Oh no!" He ran after it.

 

The two bodyguards called out to him. They yelled, "Jazk, wait!" There were too many people in their way. They couldn't see the sight of Jazk, because of his height. The two slowly looked at each other. "We're dead," they both said, and gulped. the son of Atrocious was lost in the Underworld of Coruscant.

 

 

* * *

 

While Zane's friends were in the lobby getting something to eat and having fun, Zane decided to stay in the room. He rested in the comfortable bed he laid on, dreaming.

 

In his dream, he dreamt that he could see better, and that he was powerful enough to fight off any enemy that stood in his way. His eyes, bright blue, stared at the sky. The sun shone, as the Galaxy was at peace with itself.

 

As Zane slept, he felt a cool rush through his body. He shot his eyes open. It was only a dream. In his dreams, he could see. But in reality, he was blind.

 

Zane sat up, and folded his arms on his bent legs. The young man began to cry, resting his head between his folded arms. If only there was some way to prove that he was strong in Force. People saw him as a blind boy. But he saw himself as a strong Jedi Knight.

 

As he continued to cry, he heard a voice.

 

"Zane."

 

The voice was soft-spoken and smooth as the wind. Zane shot his head up, startled. "W-Who's there? Show yourself!"

 

A ghostly woman appeared before him. Her long hair flowed gently, along with her white gown. Her eyes and feature were really beautiful. The ghost woman smiled at Zane sadly.

 

The young man pulled the covers close to him. He sensed through the Force that the person was a Force ghost. He asked, "Who are you?"

 

The ghostly woman continued to smile. Then she answered, "I am Lyna Honso Skywalker. Your mother."

[Empress Padme]

I feel I may need a tissue for the next chappie.Look forward to the next chappie!

 

Favorite line : " We're dead." so funny!

[JediMaster12]

That last bit was interesting in revealing Zane's mother. Of course it is possible to return from the Netherworld and communicate with the living. The dream that Zane had was a nice way of introducing the setting for the meeting. Of course you made it like any teen's best dream of being the best there is so that keeps in line with the baddies.

 

Glad to see that you haven't forgotten the baddies themselves. I am curious as to how they get involved and if Zane and co. meet up with them at some point. I do also wonder if the baddies have some vendetta against Cade for at one point it seemed that way. Nice suspense with the cliffhangers.

[Rev7]

Wonderful job, can't wait for more!