[fic] The False Peace

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

The False Peace

 

Prologue:"Darkness Revealed"

 

With the death of Darth Malak and the defeat of the Sith Triumvirate, a fragile peace has settled over the galaxy. Five years have passed since the exile vanquished Traya, and headed into the unknown regions, in search of Revan and the true sith. The Jedi Order struggles to rebuild and there are those who would take advantage of this weakness, and exploit it. When a plot is uncovered to kill the leading candidate in the upcoming chancellorship election, Jedi Knight Jacen Zarek is sent to investigate. This unleashes a floodgate of treacherous plots, emotions, death, and betrayal that will change the fate of the galaxy. In the urban decay of Narr Shadda a Corescant Central Intelligence agent, Kane Ja’arn, receives vital information that prompts these drastic events… events that will forever change the future of those caught up in them…

 

Agent Kane Ja’arn sat in the corner of Navaek’s Cantina on Narr Shadda, his eyes darting back and forth between his datascreen, and the surrounding area. He did so very carefully. No one looked twice at anyone else in Navaek’s Cantina: it might provoke a fight.

 

The cantina was dark and dingy and Ja’arn’s table was covered in so much grease and grime (and a dark stain on one end that looked suspiciously like blood) that he doubted it had been cleaned in years, - if ever. Still, being a field agent for Corescant Central Intelligence (CCI), he had been in places far worse. There had been a time when he had been stranded on a moon so obscure that no one had bothered to name it. It was known only by its coordinates: TN44. The nights were freezing cold and the days scorching hot. It took five days for search and rescue to find him, and when they did he was in terrible condition. All the while, he thought of nothing but his family back on Corescant, and he prayed that he would be able to see their faces again. Now he was torn away from them again. He loved them more than anything and wept bitter tears when he had to leave them, but he continued to serve his Republic.

 

Ja’arn shook his head to clear out these intruding thoughts. He had to concentrate. He scratched at one of his green lekku and sipped his drink trying to appear casual. He had been chosen to go to Narr Shadda because of his twi’lek heritage. The theory was he would blend right in. But he had decided that this would be his last mission. Afterwards, he would work close to home so he could see his little daughter, Nenya’s smiling face. “I love you daddy,” she would say, her big brown eyes glowing with emotion. Then she would hug him and he would scoop her up in his arms and hug her tight. As Kane thought of this, he fingered the woven wristband she had made for him just before leaving on this mission to Narr Shadda. It was one of his most treasured positions. Kane smiled sadly at the thought of how far away she was now.

 

Suddenly he heard a soft beeping that snapped him out of his reverie. He glanced down at his datascreen. Two words appeared on it: Attempt Confirmed. At this, Ja’arn snatched his comlink from his utility belt.

 

“This is Kane Ja’arn,” he whispered softly but quickly.

 

“This is CCI director Jorrin, I’m listening,” a voice said from the comlink.

 

“The attempt is confirmed, the target is Senator Matrik Jace,” said Ja’arn, his eyes raking the room. He noticed a Phlog by the bar, staring at him. As soon as Ja’arn looked at the phlog, the phlog looked away.

 

“Good work, Kane. Obviously Taran wasn’t stupid when he appointed you for this mission.”

 

“Yes sir,” said Ja’arn distractedly, eyeing the phlog. “I’ll call you with an update once off planet.” He ended the transmission. “Well,” he thought, “I better contact the guys at the transport and tell them its time to leave.” Ja’arn spoke into his comlink again.

 

“Hey Menka, everthing is set, get the ship fired up so we can blow this cesspool.” No answer came from the comlink. There was a slight pause and then nothing but static.

 

Kane’s eyes widened. “Damn it,” he hissed under his breath. His cover was blown. Someone knew he was here and they weren’t at all happy about it. Kane rose swiftly from his seat. He had to find a way out. He noticed a server coming through a grimy swinging door and he sprinted through it. Ja’arn found himself in the kitchen, and saw, at the opposite end of the room, the door that lead out of the cantina. Pushing a table laden with food out of his way, and ignoring the shouts and protests of the cooks, he rammed through the exit.

 

The ground just outside the exit was covered in some sort of slippery goo and Ja’arn slipped and fell hard on his left shoulder. White-hot pain shot through his arm. He tried to pick himself up, but a rough gravely voice from behind stopped him.

 

“Don’t move or you’re dead!”

 

With a quick glance, Ja’arn saw that the owner of that voice was the phlog who had been watching him inside the cantina. He had a blaster leved at Ja’arn’s head. Suddenly two long, leather, boots appeared blocking out all else in Ja’arn’s vision.

 

“I got him,” said the phlog excitedly to the new comer.

 

“I can see that,” came another voice, in a condescending tone.

 

Ja’arn’s eyes darted up and saw a petite human female standing over him. Her black leather boots ran up to her knees. She was wearing short, and very tight leather shorts and a matching shirt that left little to the imagination. In contrast to the outfit, she wore a variety of holsters for guns, throwing knives, and grenades. She had long black hair that ran freely down her pale skin and sported prominent, black, eyeliner. She appeared to be studying Ja’arn carefully.

 

“Not a very good agent, are you?” she said mockingly. “Obviously not since you were caught by that stupid oaf,” she sneered jerking her head towards the phlog. Her complexion changed from one of superiority to anger. “What did you tell the CCI?” she snapped. The sudden change in her voice was alarming. It was not silky anymore, rather, it was cold and hard as steel. Ja’arn shut his mouth resolutely.

 

The woman smiled as if amused. “Tell me now, or you die, just like your friends on your ship.”

 

“Go to hell,” Ja’arn snarled painfully, hoping in vain that his friends were somehow alive. He hated this woman with a burning passion for what she had done to them.

 

The woman’s eyes flashed with red-hot anger. “I’ll see you there.” She said taking aim with her blaster. She shot Ja’arn twice in the chest in quick succession. As Ja’arn’s vision faded he heard his daughter’s voice in his head – “I love you daddy.” “I love you too, baby girl,” he whispered almost inaudibly, in despair, knowing that he would never again see her bright smiling face. His last breath left him.

 

The phlog looked shocked. “Mandy,” he stammered “what did you do? He was the leader, what happens when they come looking for his body?”

 

Mandy eyed him coolly, pushing a strand of ebony hair delicately from her face, and fingering her blaster thoughtfully. “You’re right. One of us will have to stay here so the other can escape. When an investigation team comes, they won’t leave until the find the one responsible”

 

“So…so one of us has to stay?” said the phlog, clearly not catching on.

 

“Yes, and it’s not gonna be me.”

 

With that Mandy shot the phlog right between the eyes. She knelt down beside the dead phlog. “Now they’ll think you killed each other,” she whispered into the phlog’s dead ear. She holstered her blaster. The only emotion on her face was a slight tightness in her jaw. She searched Ja’arn’s body and copied all the files off of his datapad onto her own, before smashing his to pieces. She saw the wristband that Ja’arn wore, the one his daughter had made for him, that was so special to him. She removed it from his wrist, but on further inspection, apparently decided it wasn’t worth much. She tossed it carelessly down one of the many bottomless pits on Narr Shadda.

 

Mandy stood up. She plucked a tube of red lipstick from a small pouch at her waist, and lightly smeared her lips with it, as if nothing had happened. She placed the tube back in its pouch, walked over to her swoop, which was parked nearby. She mounted it, and sped off into the night, leaving Kane Ja’arn’s body, eagle spread, in the decay of Narr Shadda.

 

-----------------------------------------------------

 

As I reread this, it seemed a bit rushed, but this is only the prologue, so I didn't want to make it too long, but there was a lot I had to get in. Obviously these are not the main characters of the story. Jorrin will appear again, and most liklely Mandy, but neither will be that major. My next addition will be chapter 1 and will be about the main characters.

 

~HOP

[Darth_Yuthura]

It's Nar Shadaa.

[Burnseyy]

wowwiie awesome prologue here.

i have a love for these types of stories lol. you know, the calm and casual guy doing 'under cover' work. thrillers, if you will.

just star wars makes it better.

 

 

loved the description.. just saw a few grammar mistakes. Also, it's Nar Shaddaa but everyone makes them.

looking forward to when you update.

[Darth_Yuthura]

No. That's not all. I really like how you started with a random scene as though life was just going on and something interrupted it.

 

The Daughter hearing her father's words was a great piece and this story has my attention. Wondering what this will lead to.

[Burnseyy]

No. That's not all. I really like how you started with a random scene as though life was just going on and something interrupted it.

 

The Daughter hearing her father's words was a great piece and this story has my attention. Wondering what this will lead to.

 

That's true. It was like something you'd see in a real film. I pictured it well.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Ah yes, I thought something was fishy with my spelling. I honestly only read it though once before submitting. I never was good at grammar, but I'm improving. Mandy really is a detestable character...I have not decided what to do with her though...thanks for the compliments guys! Glad you liked the family backround and voice I put in.

 

As for the undercover thing: Yeah even though Ja'arn is dead, the general theme of the story will continue, only this time with Jacen Zarek doing most of it. I plan to have him working with the CCI which is kinda like a CIA, of the SW world. Also Sen. Jace will be a major character. Just before, I post chapter 1 (probably early next week) I just thought I'd stick in a character list, of all the major ones with descriptions and pronunciation key.

 

Jacen Zarek:(JA-sen ZARE-ek) Jacen was promoted to the rank of Knight early, and was a padawan in the Jedi Civil War. Left the order b/c they turned on Revan and the jedi who fended off the Mandelorians. He trained himself extensively during the war but chose to stay out of it. Does what he thinks is right, even if it means not following the jedi code.

 

Virago Nual:(VEER-a-go NOO-all) Jacen's new and 1st apprentice. He often bites off more than he can chew but is surprisingly compassionate under his sarcastic exterior.

 

Marit Thel Tanis: (MAR-it ~ rhymes with dare it~ THEL TAN-is) Jacen's best freind. She is training to be a jedi tech and researcher. Due to the scarcity of the Jedi at this time she works with CCI and learns there until she is ready to train new jedi techs. She covers for Jacen's rule bending.

 

Senator Matrik Jace: (MA-trik Jace)- Senator from Ipaga II, leader in the chancellor election, a charismatic and strong leader.

 

Vorzar Kahbei:(VOR-zar KA-bay) A Vurk jedi who has worked with Jacen on previous missions. What is a Vurk? http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Vurk

 

Marlena Jace:(mar-LANE-a Jace) Wife of Matrik Jace.

 

Jorrin Ptakh:JORR-in TA) head of CCI.

 

Taran Vhek: (TAR-an VEK) Head of Logistics and Tactical Strategy at CCI, does not like jedi very much, especially Jacen.

 

Aruil Nenenitosael:(AR-ooeel ne-ne-NIT-o-sale) a humanoid Teevan, Aruil is a graceful jedi apprentice, however she has an odd personality and believes in extraordinary things, and is considered weird by her peers. What is a Teevan - http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Teevan

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Chapter 1: Dark Dreams

 

Rain fell from the deep purple sky of Corescant. Lightning brilliantly lit up the heavens and thunder boomed in an angry rage – rage that was felt in the heart of the Jedi Temple. A conflict was brewing within. Sixteen year old Jacen Zarek stood barefoot in one of the many wide, sweeping, corridors of the Jedi Temple, this corridor, just outside his room. His master Ankare Solaar had woken him in the middle of the night to tell him important news.

 

“You’re leaving?” asked Jacen in a hurt voice.

 

“The council has decided that Revan and his followers are a deep threat to the galaxy. They must be stopped.” Ankare bent down so his huge body would be at Jacen’s height. His long brown, russet-streaked hair flapping in an unfelt wind. He put one of his large, strong, hands on Jacen’s shoulder. “I have to face them, I have no choice. They are not jedi anymore, I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes looking into Jacens, which were full of sadness.

“Why do you have to go? Just because the council ordered you to?!” said Jacen in an angry, choked voice, afraid of what he was going to hear next.

 

“It’s more complicated than that, Jacen,” Ankare said, “I don’t have the luxury of explaining fully. I have to go. The council has ordered that my ship is to leave within the hour. I-”

 

“Revan saved the galaxy by what he did! Those Jedi who followed him are heroes! How could you betray them?” Jacen shouted,”You just obey the council and leave me here?”

 

A single tear rolled down Ankare’s chiseled cheek. He stood up, removing his hand from Jacen’s shoulder. “I hope one day you will understand. I’ll see you when I return,” he said confidently, though they both knew he would not. Ankare looked at his padawan one last time, his eyes meeting Jacen’s,- green meeting brown- which were full of confusion and hurt. Ankare could bear the sight no longer and turned around, heading down to the hanger, to his ship…and to war.

 

Jacen fell to his knees, not noticing the pain as they hit the hard, unforgiving, polished stone floor. Tears fell thick and fast. His master…his only friend in this cruel world, was gone.

 

He tried to run after Ankare, but his body would not cooperate. His tears of grief turned to hot tears of hate, hate for the council, as they trickled into a pool on the floor…He unclipped his lightsaber from his belt and held it up to his neck, his finger mere centimeters away from the power button. One push of a button to end all this pain and suffering. Jacen could feel his heart beating, and he could hear it too – like drums. It beat louder and louder and his finger slid closer to the power button…

 

A harsh beeping sound startled Jacen awake. He jerked his head up and threw off the soft, pale blue, sheets that had encased his body, trapping in the warmth. Jacen shook his head as if trying to get a squeeter fly off it.

 

He realized that he had only been dreaming of painful memories…memories from five years ago…memories he wished to forget. Jacen looked over at the comm device mounted on his wall and realized that this was what had woken. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!, the device droned incessantly. He sighed loudly. So much for a good nights sleep. Only when he stood up and started to make his way over to the comm. Device did he realize he was covered in cold sweat. It had soaked through and drenched his undergarment, in which he had been sleeping. He peeled it off, and felt somewhat better that he was free of the cold, wet, fabric. He ran his hand through his dark brown hair and pushed a small, red, button, answering the comm device.

 

“This is Zarek,” he said groggily into the comm unit.

 

“Jacen, it’s Marit…you sound terrible,”

 

Jacen sighed, leave it to Marit to pick up on his discomfort. Marit was Jacen’s best friend in the new Jedi order established by the exile, before he had left in search of Revan in the unknown regions. Jacen and Marit had grown close, and both shared similar views on Revan and the Jedi Civil War.

 

“Well how am I supposed to sound, since you’re waking me up in the middle of the night?” said Jacen dryly, trying to throw her off. He wasn’t in the mood for past sharing. “Whats up?”

 

“I just got a message from Master Shan. She says CCI director Ptakh wants us to report to CCI headquarter immediately…said it had something to do with Jace.

 

All tiredness left Jacen’s body. Matrik Jace was the senator that he had been assigned to protect. As the leading candidate in the current chancellor race, was a likely target for many criminals.

 

“What’s going on Marit? Does he need our help?”

 

“Good to hear you’re finally awake, “ said Marit in a teasing tone, “And I don’t know the details. All Bastila told told me was that we need to be at CCI in fifteen minutes. We’ll be briefed there.”

 

Marit was knowledgeable and well integrated into the CCI’s system. She was training to be a Jedi tech, one you worked with computers. She was an expert at programming, decryption, and analysis. Since there were no Jedi techs to teach her, due the Jedi Order’s rebuilding stage, she got her training at CCI and in turn helped them on missions. After the Jedi Civil War, many people had become distrustful of the Jedi, even at CCI. Taran Vhek in particular was prejudiced against them. He and Jacen had been at constant odds ever since they met.

 

“I don’t suppose Bastila could have told us more?” asked Jacen, slightly agitated that Bastila was keeping them in the dark.

 

“Yeah, but you know Bastila,” muttered Marit, “probably thinks she’s too important to tell us herself.”

 

“You must trust in my greater wisdom,” said Jacen imitating Bastila’s voice and accent. “I’m far too superior to spend time on petty things such as telling you what is going on. I’ll just annoy you be speaking in preachy riddles.”

 

Jacen heard Marit snort with laughter over the comm. “You better hope she never catches you poking fun at her,” warned Marit jokingly, “Iv’e seen Bastila when she is angry – it’s not pretty.”

 

“Anyway,” said Jacen getting back on topic, “Can you meet me in front of my room and then we can head over?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll meet you there. We should probably wake up Virago on our way out. The more Jedi the better.” Virago Nual was had been Jacen’s padawan for only a month now, but their bond had formed quickly

 

“O.K., see you in a few” Jacen switched off the comm device. The conversation with Marit had pushed aside his dark thoughts like unwanted cobwebs…at least for now. Though he still felt a heaviness about himself.

 

He quickly dug through his footlocker and with some difficulty, pulled on new, clean, underwear, vaguely cursing whatever nut-brained son of a wompa rat had decided to go with a one piece spandex uni-suit as standard issue undergarments. Jacen rummaged through his clothes, pulled out a fresh, black, jedi robe, and hastily put it on. He then plucked his double-bladed lightsaber off the plasteel nightstand, next to his sleep couch. The cool, notched surface felt like a comforting weight in his hand. He remembered with an uncomfortable squirm that his lightaber’s sapphire blade had almost taken his life. He shuddered at the thought. Jacen clipped his jedi tool to his belt, put on his boots, and started for the door.

 

Just as he reached it, the door slid open to reveal Marit standing outside. On any other day, he would have made a comment about her not knocking first, but today, he chose to ignore it. They had more important things to deal with.

 

“Ready to go?” she asked briskly. Marit was a tall human female with light brown, shoulder-length, spikey hair that shone in the moonlight. She wore a tan robe who’s bulk could not hide her thin, but shapely frame. Her lips were a calm shade of pink.

 

They walked in silence down the corridors to Virago’s quarters. They took a shortcut through the room of a thousand fountains. The sound of rushing water always soothed Jacen. His closed his eyes as they walked, savoring the sound and picturing the sparkling, crystal clear water in his mind.

 

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” asked Marit bluntly,

 

“I don’t know what you mean,” said Jacen elusively, but opening his eyes.

 

“Oh, come on, Jacen, do you really think you can hide it from me when something is bothering you?”

 

“Was I so obvious that you could tell?”

 

“A blind gizka could tell, now spill,” said Marit impatiently.

 

“Just a bad dream is all,” said Jacen staring at that floor as they exited the room of a thousand fountains and turned right. Why did Marit have to be so nosy? Marit looked at him with concern and care.

 

“Well when you want to talk, I’m here for you.”

 

“Thanks,” Jacen said sincerely, meeting Marit’s large, amber, eyes. He smiled slightly. It felt good to have a friend who cared about him.

 

They reached Virago’s quarters, and Jacen knocked on the door. No answer. He tried again. Still no answer. “Virago?” Jacen stretched out with the force, trying to feel his padawan, but felt nothing. “Marit, can you?-”

 

“On it,” said Marit crisply, taking out her security set from its pouch on her belt. Within a minute she bypassed the locking mechanism. Jacen dashed into the room. Virago’s sleep couch was empty. The sheets did not even look like they had been touched. Marit poked her head into the bathroom to see if Virago was there.

 

Jacen scanned the room for some sort of clue. His eyes fell on the open window at the other end of the room. A gentle breeze wafted through it. Its soothing effect, was marred by the sounds of speeders zooming by, honking their horns. Jacen stuck his head out the window and looked down. Only two floors down was a courtyard and a walkway, that lead to the hanger, where the Jedis’ speeders and ships were docked. Many had not moved since the Jedi Civil War. Virago could easily have used his liquid cable launcher to skirt the wall and sneak out. Jacen felt an enormous weight drop into his stomach. Virago had snuck out, and could be anywhere.

 

* * * *

A sleek silver cruiser shot through the busy space lanes of Corescant. Flanked by an escort of four well armed fighters, the ship pulled out of the lanes and landed smoothly on a circular landing pad in front of Senator Matrik Jace Campeign Headquarters. The senator’s eighteen year old son, Leo, watched the criuser’s progress and when it touched down, his mouth twitched upward in a relieved smile.

 

Senator Matrik Jace quickly rose from his plush seat, aboard his ship. He walked with long strides to the boarding ramp. He clenched and unclenched his hands impatiently. Being cooped up on a ship, even for a short while, did not suit him. Jace was a tall, broad human, with dark brown skin. He had calm but strong features. His very being exuded confidence and assurance. He forced himself to stop moving his hands. Jace waited with a controlled patience as the boarding ramp lowered. His Chief of Staff, Tyro Cahlgael, a Mon Calamarian, came up beside him, concern written all over his face.

 

Jace glanced down at his aquatic friend. “What is it Tyro?”

 

“Matrik I’ve just got through talking to the director of CCI,” said Tyro tentatively.

 

“About what?” asked Jace in his deep, calm, yet commanding voice.

 

“They just got intell from their undercover agent on Nar Shaddaa. They believe there will be an attempt on your life within the next twenty four hours,” said Tyro grimly.

 

Jace sighed in relief. “Is that what this doom and gloom look on your face is all about?” It had taken years, but Jace could now read his friend’s alien face as well as he could read any human’s. “I get death threats every morning with my munja juice. You know that, as well as I do.”

 

“I don’t know the details yet, sir, but it sounds like this threat carries some weight.”

 

“I respect their assessment, but I’m running for Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. I can’t very well sit in my room and hope to win,” said Jace as he, Tyro and his bodyguards descended down the boarding ramp. “I-” Jace looked up to see his son, Leo, coming towards him, a huge smile on his face.

 

“We’ll talk about this later,” said Jace in a hushed tone so that only Tyro would hear.

He stepped forward and embraced his son warmly.

 

“Leo, how was the campaign rally?”

 

“Aww it was great dad, thousands of people were there and they watched your speech. Through all of Senator Grimke’s speech, they chanted “We want Jace!”

 

Jace chuckled, “That’s great.”

 

As the group entered the turbolift that would take them up to campaign headquarters, eighty floors above them, Jace could not help but feel, that despites his comments, something was wrong. Very wrong.

 

* * * *

 

Location: CCI (Corescant Central Intelligence) Headquarters, Corescant.

 

The main floor of CCI was a broad level, filled with curving metal desks, laden with computers. The walls were covered by chrome monitors displaying things such as feed from security cameras, or a building schematic. A conference room was situated in the middle of the floor, its walls made of a frosty glass, so that only an outline of what was inside could be seen. The whole place was bursting with the latest technology.

 

Nakaya Li, CCI’s main code breaker and hacker, strode, in a slightly irritated manner, into the main floor of CCI. She had been out at a party, when her collegue, Taran Vhek had called her into work. It was an “urgent matter” he had said. She walked up to Taran.

 

“Nakaya, glad you’re here, we could really use your help,” said Taran, in his rough, yet silky voice, looking up from his computer.

 

“All I can say is somebody better be dead or dying,” said Nakaya tartly. It wasn’t often she could go out partying, and the twenty five year old relished every chance she got.

 

“Oh, are we interrupting your social life?” asked Taran sarcastically, eyeing Nakaya’s hair which had been dyed a bright purple, and her naval piercing that showed due to her skimpy party clothes. Obviously she had not gone home to change first.

 

“At least I have one,” Nakaya muttered in a singsong voice.

 

“Cute,” said Taran. “I’ll choose to ignore that. Listen, we got some info from agent Ja’arn on Nar Shaddaa. Now I don’t know the details yet,” said Taran, quickly, as Nakaya opened her mouth to speak. “Director Ptakh said he was sending in help, do you know who he meant?”

 

Nakaya looked at Taran carefully through her slanted eyes taking in his short black hair and soul patch. “I don’t know, but this mission sounds big, so maybe he’s bringing in Jedi.”

 

“That’s what I was afraid of,” murmured Taran, dropping his head in frustration.

 

“Who else is here?” asked Nakaya scanning the large room, searching for a change of topic. It wasn’t smart to get Taran talking about Jedi unless you wanted to hear a long, but admittedly a well rehearsed rant, about them.

 

“Everybody but Director Ptakh…and his - ehem…help,”said Taran clearing his throat.

 

“I’ll start digging up everything we have on Jace,” said Nakaya.

 

Taran, immersed in his own thoughts did not hear her. Jedi coming here? Other than Marit who was here on a regular basis, Jedi rarely came to the CCI. “Well if they do,” he thought, “I won’t let them get in my way.”

 

-----------------------------------------------------

 

Well thats chapter 1. I'll be posting #2 soon. I'll be introducing one of the more intersting characters, Aruil Nenenitosael, for whom the chapter is named. After typing, I was too tired to proofread (I'm a really slow typer) so there are probably mistakes throughout.

 

~HOP

[Burnseyy]

what an amazing attachment!

i thoroughly enjoyed it. great descriptions, nice and suspenseful.

 

few typos, i saw. nothing much really.

 

oh oh and one last thing. The name "Tyro"? i used that in an original prose i wrote, when i was about 11. haha.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Haha, that funny! I got the name from a SW book...don't remember which one though... what a coincidence that we've both used the same name.

 

I went through and fixed some of the more blatant typos, but I'm sure there are plenty that I missed. Can't wait to finish up writing chapter 2. Aruil is my favorite character (after Jacen of course) and I'm looking forward to introducing her. Thanks for the comments and support! I really appreciate every single piece of feedback on my fic, especially since its my first here on the forums.

 

~HOP

[Rev7]

I really like it. I think that you are doing a great job with it.

 

One thing that I did notice though is you are spelling "Coruscant" wrong. It should be spelled the way that I just put it as. That was probably the major mistake that I found. Other than that, I know that it has already been pointed out, but there were some other simple spelling errors. Nothing too big, or not understandable. I am really looking forward to chapter two. I like your description, and the suspense. It adds a lot to a story, and really makes your readers want more. Keep up the great work HOP!

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Urrrgh- why can't I spell my SW terms right? First Nar Shadaa and now Coruscant. I guess part of the problem with the typos is that I type it late at night, when I'm tired...probably shouln't do that.

 

Anyway, thanks Rev! In this story I'm trying to focus on suspence and descriptiveness, though there will be some action a little later, probably chapter 3 will have a lot. Chapter 2 will introduce many more characters and a new storyline and will probably be up later today or tomorrow.

 

~HOP

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Chapter 2: Aruil Nenenitosael

 

Jacen Zarek strode down the empty corridor of the Jedi Temple, Marit at his side. Their footsteps echoed in the gargantuan hall. Large, ceiling to floor – length windows lined one side of the corridor, separated by thick, marble columns. With each window they passed, Jacen glanced out it, as if hoping to see a large sign saying “Heres Virago.”

 

“We shouldn’t have left,” murmured Jacen remorsefully into the air, referring to Virago’s room.

 

“Look,” said Marit, obviously choosing her words carefully, “Virago is a tough kid…and he has a level head. He probably just snuck out with his friends or something. He’ll be fine. But right now there are a lot of people at CCI counting on you. You made a tough call by putting the mission first – and for what it’s worth…I think you made the right one.

 

Jacen stopped walking and Marit followed suit. “It’s just…my master abandoned me, to fight on the side of the council in the Jedi Civil War. He just left me here…alone. I needed him and he left. I – I – just don’t want to make that same mistake with Virago,” Jacen, said, his face saddened, his eyes echoing with pain from the past. “It hurt me when he left; so much that I contemplated suicide,” As he said this, his lightsaber, hanging from his belt, seemed to get heavier, dragging him down.

 

“I know,” whispered Marit, her eyes watery, as she thought of how close she had come to losing a friend, “But, Jacen, this isn’t the same thing, you’re not abandoning him. You are choosing not to abandon the mission, and that counts for something.”

 

Jacen remained silent.

 

“Hey, it’s okay, if Virago isn’t back by the time we return from CCI, I promise I’ll help you look for him – I’ll even scour all of Coruscant if I have to.”

 

Jacen reached over, and gave Marit’s hand a compassionate squeeze. She was right; Virago was probably just trying to get away and relax for a while. How many times had Virago told him that he didn’t like being cooped up in the temple all the time? This thought lifted Jacen’s spirits out of the gloom. He gave Marit a small smile.

 

Marit smiled back, and the pair exited the Jedi Temple and stepped onto the landing pad where their speeder was waiting. Next to the sleek, metallic-black, transport was a tall, hulking figure that Jacen would recognize anywhere.

 

“Vorzar!” Jacen exclaimed excitedly, quickening his pace to reach the figure. “What are you doing here?”

 

“The same thing you are, friend Jacen,” boomed Vorzar in his deep, melodious voice. “We are urgently needed at CCI it would seem.”

 

Vorzar Kahbei was a tall, Vurk, Jedi Knight, with emerald green skin, and a magnificent head crest that ran from his nose to the base of his skull on the back of his head. Jacen had become fast friends with the vurk ever since Vorzar had rescued him and Marit from a sith prison on Radon 5 six months ago. Though the bulk of the sith had been destroyed, there were still scattered remnants throughout the galaxy. At this prison, the sith tortured Jacen and Marit, trying to break them and twist them towards the darkside. They had been separated during this time, but neither gave in.

 

Finally, they had been rescued by a republic strike team headed by Vorzar, but Jacen had only seen Vorzar once or twice since. To this day, Jacen remembered, with startling vividness how Marits beautiful skin had been burned and slashed by the sith. The bacta bath had removed all signs of it, and Jacen was re;ieved that she looked normal again. Jacen ran his eyes over Marit’s features, admiring her smooth, flawless skin.

 

“Vorzar, you remember Marit Thel – Tanis.”

 

Vorzar blinked once and nodded, shaking Marit’s hand. To anyone who did not know Vorzar, this lack of verbal greeting may have seemed curt, but Jacen knew better. Vorzar was the strong, silent, kind of person, and waqs not one to mince words unless necessary. Jacen smiled inwardly at his friend’s typical greeting, his spirits soaring at being reunited with his friend.

 

The trio climbed into the hawk-like speeder. “Who’s going to brief us when we get to CCI, Vorzar?” asked Jacen as he and Marit climbd into the back seat. HE squirmed uncomfortably. The dark, leather, seats were freezing cold.

 

“A Taran Vhek,” grunted Vorzar shortly, from the driver’s seat, as he powered up the speeder. Jacen had to restrain himself from groaning out loud. His face must have showed his emotions though, because Marit piped up.

 

“He’s not that bad once you get to know him. He doesn’t hate the jedi – I mean I’m a jedi and he’s nice to me.”

 

“Well I’m not a pretty girl,” said Jacen slyly, with a grin. Marit turned a pale shade of pink and suddenly became very interested in her boots. Jacen thought he saw her smile shyly, but it was gone so quickly, that he wondered if he had only imagined it.

 

Vorzar shook his head from the front seat, expertly navigating though the crowded space lanes of Coruscant. He, for the life of him, would never understand human behavior.

 

*****************************

 

 

Virago Nual felt excitement coursing through his veins. He constantly whipped his head around, trying to take in everything a once. The hanger in the Jedi Temple was full of beautiful, sleek, new ships, and he was itching to take one out for a drive. His friend, Duran Thul, a male, zabrak, jedi apprentice, strode up beside him. “I’ve never been out in the Coruscant night life before, except on missions,” he said animatedly.

 

“You’ll love it, Duran, the city is so full of life,” said Virago, “Humans, aliens, pazaak, - anything you can imagine. Plus this time we won’t have to ride the public shuttle. We’ll be cruising in one of these babies.” He ran a hand over one of the sleek, speeder’s hoods, appreciatively.

 

“Are you sure you can fly this thing?” asked Duran in a challenging tone, jerking his head towards the red speeder next to him.

 

“Of course I can, I’m sixteen now aren’t I?” he said smiling cockily. “And besides, who’s the best in our piloting class?” It was a rhetorical question. Virago was known throughout the temple as a skilled pilot. His cocky smile faded slightly at the thought of what Master Zarek would say if he knew what he was about to do. He ran his hand through his short, spiky blonde hair. But it didn’t matter; he had been sneaking out for months, and Zarek had no clue.

 

Virago had grown up in the Lower City of Taris, despite the fact that he was human. His parents had died when he was very young, and he did not remember them. He had made his living selling salvage. Virago always seemed to find things that others missed. He remembered how he had escaped the destruction wrecked on Taris by Darth Malak’s fleet. He had hidden in the Undercity, in the outcast village. When the assault began, a voice inside his head urged him to flee, and guided him to the Undercity, to safety. At the time he had dismissed this as good instincts or just plain luck, but now he realized that it was the force inside of him that guided him. Later, Virago had been recruited by a visiting jedi who sensed the force inside him, and brought him back to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, for training.

 

However, the temple, for all its beauty and grandness, did not feel like home. Virago would rather be out doing things, than sitting inside and “meditating.” “Duran,” Virago said thoughtfully, “do you ever feel trapped inside the temple, like a prisoner?”

 

Duran thought for a moment, “No, I don’t, why?”

 

“When I was on Taris, I had heard of the jedi. Of course the descriptions were blown way out of proportion but…the jedi sounded the most free people in the world…traveling the galaxy in fancy starships and whatnot. I felt like I was enslaved on Taris because I had to work so hard just to scratch a living. Each day I’d make enough money to buy food for the next one, but that was it. When I was invited to join the jedi I jumped at the chance… but now, I wonder, if I just traded one form of slavery for another.”

 

“I never considered myself a slave to the order,” said Duran, “but I see your point…we do whatever the council tells us to, and what ever the mission requires.”

 

“Yeah,” murmured Virago pensively. Suddenly he seemed to snap out of his thoughtfulness “But not tonight,” he said grinning. “This night is about doing what we want for a chance – so what are we waiting for?” He opened the door to the red, convertible speeder that Duran had indicated, Duran following with much anticipation. Virago was just about to climb in when suddenly a misty voice from behind stopped him.

 

“You’ll get in quite a bit of trouble if you get caught you know.”

 

Virago jumped in alarm and whirled around. Duran spun on his heal drawing one of his two purple lightsabers.

 

A girl, about Virago’s age was hanging upside-down from the prongs of a forklift (used to carry cargo to the ships) clutching a datapad. She had bright, pale skin that a silvery tint to it, and very long, white-blonde hair that was swaying gently. But most prominent were her large protuberant, bulging, pale blue eyes. Virago recognized her a a jedi student, one year behind him, Aruil Nenenitosael, a girl known for her strangeness. As far as he knew she had no friends because everybody thought she was so weird.

 

Duran cursed, realizing that she was not a threat, and that he had almost killed her, his lightsaber inches away from her neck. Aruil seemed thoroughly unfased at how close she had come to being decapitated.

 

“What the- you scared the crap out of- what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Virago demanded angrily, wondering how he could have possibly failed to notice her all this time.

 

“Reading,” she answered simply, indicating to her datapad.

 

“So you came all the way down here, in the middle of the night, to read?”

 

“Yes that’s right,” she said pleasantly.

 

Virago opened his mouth to retort, but could not think of anything to say, and shut it promptly.

 

“Blibbering Buzzsnapper got you?” she asked in a mildly interested voice, still hanging upside-down.

 

“A what?” asked Virago in a slightly agitated, but curious, voice.

 

“The Blibbering Buzzsnapper is an invisible insect that flies around biting people’s tongues,” said Aruil matter-of-factly. “When it bites you, you will find it very hard to speak – that’s why you can feel at a loss for words – the Blibbering Buzzsnapper got you. I thought I felt one buzzing around in here.” She began swatting the air with her datapad-free hand.

 

Virago glanced over at Duran, who was the animal expert, but Duran had stuffed his knuckles in his mouth to keep from laughing. He took them out long enough to utter, “They’re not real, just a myth,” before stuffing them back in.

 

Virago felt the urge to laugh, himself, but resisted the temptation. “So…so,” he stammered trying to keep a straight face, “you came down here, to the hanger, at two in the morning…to read…and now invisible flying this arte biting my tongue? You know, that’s about the loopiest thing I’ve ever heard!”

 

Virago expected an angry retort, or a “Go away!” at the very least, but Aruil merely continued to stare at him as though he were a semi-interesting holovid. After a moment Virago realized that Aruil was not hanging from the forklift at all, rather she was suspended in midair, through the force. As though she sensed his thoughts, Aruil, gracefully righted herself, and landed smoothly on her feet.

 

“So where are we going then?” she asked conversationally.

 

“If be we, you mean me and Duran, then we are going to the Hive, the best pazaak den in all of Coruscant, to play a few rounds.”

 

“I’ll come with you then,” she said in her maddenly patient voice, “I find pazaak quite enjoyable, you know.”

 

Virago looked uneasily over at Duran, knowing they were thinking the same thing: They didn’t want Aruil to tag along; she would ruin the night with all her oddities and babbling about insects that didn’t exist. On the other hand, if they didn’t let her come, she could run straight to their masters, telling them everything. In a split second, they both came to the same conclusion.

 

“Get in,” he muttered unceremoniously, eyeing Aruil’s necklace, which was made of what appeared to be different brightly colored, lumpy, pebbles. It clashed horribly with her midnight blue jedi robe.

 

Virago took the pilot’s seat of the streamlined red speeder and flew at top speed out of the hanger, relishing the roar of the engines. Duran whooped in excitement, while Aruil clung to the handle on the door for dear life. Virago smirked, glad that he had unnerved her for a change. The speeder shot into the space lanes, its occupants unaware that they were being watched through a pair of binoculars, by two glowing, yellow eyes.

 

The owner of these eyes spoke into a comlink.

 

“It’s me. I have the kid in sight.”

 

There was a pause then a voice answered, almost incomprehensibly through the static. “Good, you know what to do.”

 

“Yes,” grunted the yellow eyed alien. He climbed into his cruiser and streaked off into the night – in the same direction as Virago.

 

*********************

 

Agent Taran Vhek slammed his fists down on his desk, releasing his pent-up frustration. First he called in to work in the middle of the night, then found out that jedi would probably come and muck everything up with their “jediness”, and now some schutta had changed the pass codes on the computers. Nakaya Li walked over from her work station to Taran.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked in a concerned voice.

 

“Somebody changed the password for the mainframe. I need to get into it and it won’t open,” snapped Taran, jabbing at the “Enter Mainframe” button on the screen repeatedly.

 

“Whoa, easy now Taran, -hold on. Can’t you just ask Director Ptakh for it?”

 

“Oh gee, why didn’t I think of that?” said Taran in a sarcastic voice. “Why don’t I just go saunter right over to his office and ask him. Oh, wait, I know why not – he still not here!”

 

“Calm down,” said Nakaya tapping a few buttons on the control panel. Suddenly the flashing “Access Denied” on Taran’s screen turned into “Access Granted.”

 

“How did you do that?” asked Taran in amazement.

 

“I used the manufacturers’ override code. I made sure to memorize it…for a time like this.” There was an awkward pause.

 

“Uh, thanks, Nakaya.”

 

Nakaya started to walk away, but Taran stopped her.

 

“Hey, Nakaya,” he called. She turned around, her eyes watery. “I’m sorry I blew up at you. I’m under a lot of pressure here, but I shouldn’t have taken that out on you…sorry…are we okay?

 

“Yeah, we are okay,” she said smiling slightly.

 

Taran’s comlink buzzed. He held it up to his mouth. “This is Vhek.”

 

“Agent Vhek, three jedi have just passed through security. They said you are supposed to brief them.”

 

“Alright, thank you Marci”

 

Jacen, Marit and Vorzar, stepped through the automatic, sliding glass doors and onto the main floor of CCI. Jacen took in the flashing monitors, high ceilings, and numerous narrow corridors that lead to other parts of the building. His boots squeaked on the shiny, black, floor with each step. He looked around uncertainly, not sure where to go now that he was here. He had only been here twice before. Marit, who was quite familiar with her surroundings took the lead. She confidently strode over to the conference room, with Jacen just behind, and Vorzar bringing up the rear.

 

No sooner had they entered the conference room, when Taran came in from the frosty, glass, doors at the opposite end. He looked from one jedi to the other, clearly uncomfortable with the position he had been put in. He looked at Jacen, and gave him a look of loathing that he always reserved just for him, before looking away.

 

“Uh – well I’m not really sure why Ptakh called you here, as we are perfectly capable of getting through this without you, but I’m supposed to brief you on our situation. So, let’s do it.”

 

“No need, Taran,” came a voice from behind. “I’ll take over.”

 

Jacen craned his neck around Vorzar’s large head to get a look at the newcomer.

 

“Director Ptakh,” said Marit, shaking the man’s hand. Jacen thought Ptakh looked like a stereotypical crime boss. This was the director of Coruscant’s main crime fighting unit? He had a shiny bald head and beady little eyes that were offset by his bushy mustache. His corpulent stomach looked as if it was going to burst from his shirt.

 

“Sorry I’m late. And Marit, how many times have I told you, call me Jorrin. I don’t like this ‘Director Ptakh’ stuff,” he growled in a falsely irritated voice, hiding a smile. What a strange character, thought Jacen.

 

“Thank you Taran, that will be all,” said Jorrin waving his hand in dismissal. Jorrin quickly briefed the jedi on Jace’s schedule, and likely target points for assassination on it. When he finished, Vorzar and Marit stood up to leave and Jacen did the same.

 

“Jedi Zarek, a moment if you please,” said Jorrin. It wasn’t a question. Jacen who had been half standing up sat down again. Marit and Vorzar exited the room, and Marit through Jacen a significant look as she did so. Jacen could not imagine why Jorrin would want to talk to him. After all, they had only met about ten minutes ago.

 

“There is a… problem inside the agency that I want your help on.”

 

“My help?” asked Jacen in a confused tone.

 

“Yes, Marit told me I could trust you with this.” Jorrin stopped, he was bouncing on the balls of his feet nervously. Jacen could tell he was on the verge of saying something important.

 

“Yes, sir?” he prompted.

 

Jorrin took a deep breath, and exhaled, trying to calm himself. “I have a friend, by the name of Arno Aering, who monitors all files that are sent electronically in and out of this building. While doing this he discovered some encrypted files that he didn’t recognize as CCI standard ones. He managed to partially decrypt them and Jace’s name was in every one of them.” Here Jorrin took another deep breath. “We both believe that there is a traitor, here on the inside…sending information out to the people who are trying to assassinate Jace.”

 

Jacen did not know what he had expected Jorrin to say – certainly not this. Jorrin continued. “I don’t know who it is. That’s where you come in. Normally I’d ask Marit to look into this. But since she works here, it would look suspicious if she starts asking a bunch of questions all of a sudden.”

 

“And it won’t look shifty if I start poking around?” asked Jacen bluntly.

 

“Yes – well – ah – well to be quite frank, everyone expects you to be nosy anyway, seeing as you are the visiting jedi and all. You have Taran’s jedi hate-mongering to thank for that. I wouldn’t ask you to do this if I thought I had another choice.”

 

Jacen studied the pleading, desperate look in Jorrin’s eyes and sighed reluctantly. “Okay, I’ll do it, but who can I trust here?”

 

“Until we find out more,” whispered Jorrin leaning closer to Jacen, “don’t trust anyone.”

 

****************

 

Arno Aering, Jorrin’s informant, sat at his desk in his office on Coruscant. His office building was completely deserted at this time of the night, except for the maintenance droids of course. He sifted through everything he had found, trying to decrypt a file. If he was correct, (and he usually was) this file was the source; in short, when it was decrypted, it would show which computer in CCI the traitorous files had been sent from. He had saved the file to a chip, and had been working all night to decrypt it. Sleep was starting to overtake him.

 

Suddenly Arno heard the turbo lift ding softly as it reached his floor. Who could this be at this time of night? He heard the turbo lift doors open and people step out, conversing quietly.

 

“Find him,” he heard a silky female voice hiss.

 

Arno, grabbed the chip that contained the file and stuffed it hastily into his pocket, his large stomach bumping his desk as he did so. This caused a small glass ornament, perched on top of the desk to fall, shattering into a million tiny pieces on the floor.

 

No sooner had it shattered, than a petite human female, wearing baggy, black cargo pants and a skin-tight black shirt dashed into his office. Arno reached for his gun on his belt. For a man so large, Arno was quick… very quick. But not nearly as quick as Mandy. She shot him expertly in the chest.

 

Mandy’s minions, hearing the blaster shots, sprinted into Arno’s office. On seeing Arno’s dead body, they quietly congratulated Mandy on her success. She smiled coldly, and sarcastically, as if she knew something they didn’t.

 

“The files are on his computer. Give me an ion bomb.”

 

One of her henchmen quickly handed her the bomb. She set the timer for five minutes and placed it lightly on Arno’s computer. “Now, republic soldiers are going to be here any minute, because of the blaster shots. I’m going to leave now, but you all stay here and search the office. See if you can find anything else useful.”

 

“Hold on Mandy,” said a trandoshan henchman, who was holding a wicked looking vibro-blade. “That wasn’t part of the deal. We are leaving now,” he said with a snake-like hiss in his voice.

 

“No,” said Mandy coldly, “you’re not.” There was a crashing sound on the floor below them. The Republic soldiers were here. “I’d love to stay and see how this plays out boys, but I have a speeder to catch.”

 

Before anybody could stop her, she blasted the glass from the office window with her pistol, and jumped out of it, into mid air. She landed hard on the passenger seat of a yellow, convertible, speeder. The rodian driver, whipped his head around and squawked with dismay at the strange woman who suddenly appeared next to him. Mandy, calmly kicked out, hard with her leg, pushing the rodian out of his seat and into midair. He fell, from the craft, screaming. Mandy took the controls, of the speeder and with a smirk on her face, sped off into the night, just as the ion bomb in Arno’s office went off.

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Well thats chapter 2. It came out longer than I had originally intended, so sorry for all the scrolling. I typed this up at midnight after a hard day so I'm sure there are plenty of typos. So there are plenty of new characters in this one, including the "Virago" I kept mentioning in chapter 1... and Mandy is back. (she was in the prologue as well) Anyway, all feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

 

~HOP

[Rev7]

“He’s not that bed once you get to know him. He doesn’t hate the jedi – I mean I’m a jedi and he’s nice to me.”

Virago jumped in alarm and whirled around. Duran spun on his heal drawing one of his two purple lightsabers.

Eh, these were the only mistakes that I found.

 

I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. I like all of the descriptions that you have been using. They just make the story come alive. You are even giving me ideas for my fic, that I am working on. Thanks for that. Get some rest too.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

He's not that "bed?" Ooops...my bad. I'll just go fix that. Two things:

 

1)I was just wondering who everybodys favorite character is. I know we don't know much about them yet, especially Jacen, who will show his true tough side next chapter. But as of now, who is it?

 

2)Also, who do you think the traitor (or mole as they are oftern referred to) is?

 

As for chapter 3, there will be a lot more action and some pazaak playing. I plan to have Jacen working outside of CCI, running around with his lightsaber and such, while Marit helps from inside CCI. Also a little more on Jace will be added, advance his character a little. Each chapter will most likely contain three of four main story plots ( Jacen, CCI, Virago, and Jace)

 

As for when an update will come, I'm going out of the country for five weeks and I don't know how much internet access I have since its a "cultural immersion" thing and I'm technically not supposed to take up time with it. I intend to ignore this rule...we'll see how successful I am at tricking my teachers (I'm learning Spanish there). Wish me luck with that! Any advice on this would be appreciated. I really don't want to make anybody wait five weeks for an update.

 

@Rev: I'll try. Glad I'm worth getting ideas from. Hope you fic goes well, I'll keep my eyes out for it.

 

~HOP

[Rev7]

1)I was just wondering who everybodys favorite character is. I know we don't know much about them yet, especially Jacen, who will show his true tough side next chapter. But as of now, who is it?

I like Jacen and Marit. I like Jacen because of his hardship with his old master leaving. And because it looked like I could see him in the scene where he was having the 'nightmare' and when he was putting on his dark robe. I could see the room in my head. I could see that whole scene in my head. I like Marit because she is the tech.

2)Also, who do you think the traitor (or mole as they are oftern referred to) is?

There is a traitor? Hmmm, I think that it might be Virago, or someone in the CCI. :/

 

As for when an update will come, I'm going out of the country for five weeks and I don't know how much internet access I have since its a "cultural immersion" thing and I'm technically not supposed to take up time with it. I intend to ignore this rule...we'll see how successful I am at tricking my teachers (I'm learning Spanish there). Wish me luck with that! Any advice on this would be appreciated. I really don't want to make anybody wait five weeks for an update.

I wouldn't rush yourself. Whenever is fine with me. Oh, and have fun.

 

@Rev: I'll try. Glad I'm worth getting ideas from. Hope you fic goes well, I'll keep my eyes out for it.

Okay. I still have a lot of work to do before I would release it. I want to have at least a few chapters done before I release the prologue. I hope. I just have way too many ideas. We will see though.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

 

 

Jorrin took a deep breath, and exhaled, trying to calm himself. “I have a friend, by the name of Arno Aering, who monitors all files that are sent electronically in and out of this building. While doing this he discovered some encrypted files that he didn’t recognize as CCI standard ones. He managed to partially decrypt them and Jace’s name was in every one of them.” Here Jorrin took another deep breath. “We both believe that there is a traitor, here on the inside…sending information out to the people who are trying to assassinate Jace.”

 

 

 

Yup there is a traitor. I know I kinda squished that important fact into that one paragraph...kinda easy to miss unfortunately. Thats why Mandy came and got Arno - he was very close to figuring out which compter inside CCI had been transmitting the traiter's messages. Once the computer is discovered it's a simple matter of seeing who works at it, to identify the traitor. Thats why I bothered to put in the Arno sub-plot. Now he is dead, but has the chip with the info but it's in his pocket. Luckily Mandy didn't find it. The chip will obviously play a large role in the next chapter.

 

That said, you can probably rule out Virago, at least for now. I'm pretty sure who I will make the traitor, but could easily change my mind...

 

I'll try to have fun. Even if I can't post while I'm there, I can still write. I'll probably come back with numerous chapters written.

 

~HOP

[Burnseyy]

i really liked this update. certainly has a nice perspective to it, with the different point of views in it.

and the description is superb (Y)

i think the only mistakes i found are listed above...

 

also.. Aruil Nenenitosael is, if you've read/seen Harry Potter, JUST like Luna Lovegood.

it seemed weird reading this, and remembering a Harry Potter character XD

 

great work.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Yes, thats where I got the basis for the character what with her believing in creatures that don't exist and all that. made up the creature however. In future chapters, you will probably begin to notice the difference though.

 

Luna was a favorite in Harry Potter for me so I decided to incorperate a similar character. (I have not read the book in ages though) Though as you will see in chapter 3, Aruil has unique talents that Luna does not posess. Plus this girl can kick some butt when she has to.

 

I figured that everybody was too serious in this story and I needed a form of comic relief, a character who is just pleasant but quirky. I hope in the coming chapters, while there still will be some similarities in dialogue and such, I can show that her background and abilities are different from Luna's. Just a peek: Aruil can control water through the force and does have a rather interesting background on how she learned it, plus a Mando Wars tidbit.

 

After a reread I realized she looked a little more like Luna than I was going for. Oh well,... that will definatly change next chapter. Not the wierdness though...I'm keeping that in.

 

Any thoughts on who the traitor is Burnseyy?

 

~HOP

[Burnseyy]

i loved Luna and yeah, comedy in a story is a must-have for me lol

 

the traitor? i'm not sure. but i have an idea it's got some tie ins to Virago.

 

she did sound a little too Luna like. but future chapters are there to patch things up. ^^

[Rev7]

 

I'll try to have fun. Even if I can't post while I'm there, I can still write. I'll probably come back with numerous chapters written.

Nice.

 

I'm sure the 5 weeks will go by quick...

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

i loved Luna and yeah, comedy in a story is a must-have for me lol

 

the traitor? i'm not sure. but i have an idea it's got some tie ins to Virago.

 

she did sound a little too Luna like. but future chapters are there to patch things up. ^^

 

Yes, my plan is to take out the ridiculous creature dialogue and have her say other more original weird stuff. But next chapter you´ll see her fight, this should make her seem quite different.

 

Just a question: Why does everybody think Virago is involved with or is the traitor? I´m curious as to what gave everyone that impression. And no I won´t tell you if you are on the right track!

 

Actually, I should be posting more chapters sooner than I originally planned. Probably have a long one up sometime this week.

 

-HOP

[Burnseyy]

because he's the only one 'out of line' except for that crazy-kill-everyone woman. (forgot her name >.>)

lol

[Darth_Yuthura]

I should have posted this earlier...

 

With all the work that goes into something like this, I hate seeing readers not willing to invest a moment to compliment the addition. I do like your comic relief and all the behavior that's not standard for jedi. Mandy stealing a speeder... it was a very simple act that was memorable!

 

Although I'm still trying to get the gist of most of these characters, I like the fact that they are misfits and not going with the flow like everyone else. I hope to see some more dialog that explains more about where these characters came from. It's difficult to understand Jacen when he's under pressure.

 

Sorry this didn't come when I first read it. I look forward to more.

 

-DY

[Rev7]

Just a question: Why does everybody think Virago is involved with or is the traitor? I´m curious as to what gave everyone that impression. And no I won´t tell you if you are on the right track!

Well to me, Virago has a shady nature. And because of his personality, I guess. Just a guess though. ;

[Burnseyy]

We want chapters!

We want chapters!

We want chapters!

 

I suppose I should wait... I'm sure with all this time dedicated to writing it, the next chapters will be double the great standard the other chapters are.