exoduz Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 CH1 there i was battered and broken, beyond known space. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "richter, it is time. your death shall finish the resurrection of the sith lords!" yelled a younger Exodus Deltrada "Exodus. i will fight you if i must, but try for some remorse." said a young jedi named richter "when hell freezes over!!" the flashes of red and blue were in deep contrast to the pale colors of the alderaanian city of pavlo. lightning flew out of exodus' pale fingertips. a blast of blue energy met it in mid-transit. the energies cancelled eachother out. exodus followed by rushing him and swinging his blade, and Richter matched it move for move. a saber lock ensued "this is your final chance Exodus! lay down the blade!" "no, i don't think i will!" "alright then." a huge blast of energy hit EXodus pushing him 20 feet away. the red saber was reduced to rubble. "kill me!" "no. Exodus, you have lost. you are forever exiled. if you return to the republic, we shall destroy you. i shall not cut your connection however. to live and not have life is the very worst punishment." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 6, 2010 Author Share Posted June 6, 2010 chapter 2 that was the bane of my existence. he could have easily killed me. he did me a disservice. 15 years have gone by. the blue freighter named 'cobalt' flew toward a broken planet. it had been broken twice, held by the hatred of the trayus academy: this is Malachor V. "this is not how i raised you wayne." said a grey mist. mists cannot speak. "i know master. i have lost my way. like my great-grandfather." said exodus "your great-grandfather was lost due to master hortath's ignorance." "still master singion, i have lost my way." "i am sorry i led you down this path. if i remember correctly, this temple holds a library. start your search for meaning there." the library holds many secrets. the lady of the triumvirate knew this. "the battle of iignio defeated the ancient lords, and they fled to an area yet unknown." recited exodus. a ghost stepped into the core. "who are you?" asked the ghost. "i.....i do not know."replied exodus "your name?" asked the ghost who took an old woman's form "Exodus." "exodus is your title. your name is different. wayne bigrodd you answered wrong again." "kreia i was worse off than the first time i came to malachor, 20 years ago." "quite." "you still won't tell me who killed you." "it was the one who you shall fight alongside one day." "cryptic as ever." "at the end of 300 years of war, the forlorn empire was annihalated in one month by the true sith."recited exodus. "ah." said traya who stood alongside singion "how many years of peace have we had since the old wars?" "not a one. the triumvirate wars, mandalores, sith, and civil wars have gone on during the days of peace." said singion. "history is going to repeat itself, primary lesson of future sight, to see the future clearly, look into the past and look for patterns." "do you see it?" asked traya "traya, the true sith are preparing for war.i need to break the treaty." "you will never survive without a proper plan." said singion "i will need help." "where do you get help?" "correlia." "good. get packed. and put on a space jacket." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 6, 2010 Author Share Posted June 6, 2010 chapter 3 correlia had the most amount of scoundrels of any planet. if you need a street smart guy, go to correlia. the city of hessler was the epitome of the ' every man for himself ' state of mind. "i need a triple quantum hyperspace engine for a lervukk class freighter." said exodus "quite a part, 50,000 dactaries." said the owner of the junk shop "i think i will take it for 2,000." said exodus, using his force abilities to persuade the cashier "you can take it for 2,000, maybe you'll spend more money again." "that should do it." said exodus as he tightened the last bolt of the hyperdrive. "we saw you buy that hyperdrive." said a bald young man holding a carbine "did you now? very observant." "don't talk to me like that jedi!" "who do you think you are boy?" " who do you think you are jedi? no lightsaber on your belt?" "what are you going to do boy? argue with me all day?" "naw, i am going to kill you." he raised his carbine exodus drew his pistol BOOM. the bald man had a singe in the back of his neck. he dropped dead. a young, black haired woman stood behind him. "not the best idea to pick a fight with elrigo." said the woman "and who are you?" asked exodus "manile. roseane manile. and you?" "wayne. more commonly known as Exodus drezzar meaning "evacuation of strife." "ah. i don't know what my name means." "common. y'know, i came here looking for a co-pilot, you interested?" "where is the next stop?" "coruscant." "i'm in." coruscant. "master vandar, there is a disturbance in the force." said jedi master richter "yes. check the docks you must." "yes master." dock 67 "i remember when i ran from the Telosian police, back in the days of Lieutenant Dol Grenn's leadership." said rose "yeah how many seconds did it take you to get caught?" asked exodus "twenty, but so what?" "i told you to stay out of republic space exodus!" said richter. "and i would have if i did'nt still care for the republic." "meaning?" "away from common folk richter. this is jedi buisness." "alright. we shall speak before the council." "Exodus, were told to stay out of republic space via the alderaanian treaty during the war. if you don't have a good reason, then imprisonment is required." said master kavar "rose, stop it." said exodus. rose stopped spinning in her chair and whistling. "i had a vision. i exiled myself to malachor V. i wald almost dead in one of the ravines. i foresaw an invasion." "where did this invasion take place?" asked atris "iridonia. i saw the city of havuuskk's palace being decimated by bombers." "indeed. did you see any particular factions?" "the sith." "obviously he is trying to get his travel priveleges back!" yelled richter "richter, remember the code." said kavar "and these sith were not of my armies, malak's or sion's. they were far more advanced. they had crimson skin and led leigions of beastly war machines. the republic fighters stood no chance." said exodus "is that it?" "no. they will attack iridonia in exactly one standard month." "your proof to this statement?" exodus took a sith holcron out of his travel sack. "how dare you bring that to coruscant?!" screamed richter. "richter, this is a simple hisorical record." the holocron spoke. "after 300 years of war, the dying forlorn empire, who lasted for 25,000 years was completely destroyed in one month. the first strike of the mid worlds led to a quick defeat. one month after it's creation anniversary, forlorn was ash." "this settles it." said atris "you don't actually believe him?" asked vrook "yes especially with who just landed in bay 89." "is that-?" asked richter with wonder "that is the ebon hawk. revan has returned." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 7, 2010 Author Share Posted June 7, 2010 chapter 4 a man in a black suit exited the ebon hawk. he had black hair and a goatee with a gray stripe down the middle. it was darth revan. "revan, we have long awaited your return." said atris "anyone know where a jedi can get a bed? let's hold the explanatories until i waken. the beds are worse than the food dispenser on the hawk, get a mechanic to fix that hunk of junk, and while they're at it, my turrets are sticking. fix that too" said the gritty voiced revan. "yes, the 695th floor has a free room. #89. the code is enigma." said Atris " and Exodus, take room 90. code gruff. the council chambers midnight. "exodus was always the best medic the jedi ever had. remember the battle of ashwood grove, onderon? -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "they won't stop coming!" yelled sergeant sullivan "sergeant. activate the prototype." said exodus, carrying his blue sabre. sullivan threw a thin capsule. it opened near HK-50 droids being used by sith forces. the capsule sucked the droids' energy from their chasis. it imploded and caused a supernova of ion energy. the factory was in flames. suddenly, the supernova repeated, blasting sullivan and exodus. "leave me, kill malak!" screamed sullivan "no."said exodus with a defiance rare of jedi and sith. exodus' hads lit blue as he bandaged sullivan's leg, his own face gushing out blood. exodus fainted. "MEDIC!!"screamed sgt. sullivan -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "he still has that scar on his left eye." said richter. "so what's the verdict?" asked vrook "we will wait for revan's story." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 7, 2010 Author Share Posted June 7, 2010 chapter 5 revan, exodus, richter and the council were in the chambers. "the star forge was a toy compared to the war machines that the true sith utilize. their inherit abilities make the adept lightsaber combatants. and yes, exodus' premonition led to correction. on my way here i slipped through the sith military blockade. they were about to make the jump when i fired on the capital ship's primary engines. that will take a while to repair. a month at the least." explained revan "well this settles it. we will send a convoy to iridonia along with uber cannons and jedi knights. and exodus is cleared. revan stay here." said Kavar "Exodus is being reinstated as a jedi knight. and we ask you revan to be his master." "me? i'm only a padawan." said revan "yes, but you have the cross of valor from lehon. please. train him. he has a decent ship." "i'm in." exodus was ecstatic. a jedi again! "but, exodus, as i said you are a jedi, we need one who can use the force more aggressively, as such you are permitted use of the dark side of the force to an extent. and revan;STAY HERE!!!!!!!!!" yelled Kavar." revan, you also may do so. and i believe you need a lightsaber blade exodus. you are a jedi guardian. here is your blue crystal. the bench is in the training room. exodus was levitating his lightsaber in awe. he was reinstated! a miricale! "oi!" yelled revan hitting exodus with a datapad. "hey!" "only way to get you out of your happy place. it's time to train you in blade combat. first, ignite the blade. now, to start off we will train in forms. shii cho. it has no real weaknesses and is best used against multiple foes. i see it as the beginners form. lets practice with drones. the training drones were basic blaster droids similar to security sentries. the droids fired their blasters as exodus deflected and swung his blade to chop them down. at the end of training, chiss was in sight. they had arrived in the war zone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tysyacha Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 You're doing a great job of making your fics longer, but this story is still confusing. I am having a very hard time keeping all the characters straight. Is Exodus Drezzar the Exile? And by Singion, I assume you mean Darth Sion, yes? Does this take place before or after the events of KOTOR II? I know that Revan shows up, but how does he really fit in? This fic is truly a mystery! Tysyacha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 thnks for reading! 1. no. the exile is going to show up as a different character. exodus is something of a mixture of revan and the exile: exodus waged war on the republic but lost during a battle on alderaan. richter, the jedi who defeated him, and his old best friend banished him to the rim and beyond. after 15 years, he lands at malachor, and enters trayus in pursuit of knowledge. 2. yes. as sion's name is unknown i added my own. sion was exodus' sith master. 3. this is 10 years after kotor 2. 4. revan was placed as a catalyst for several major events as already seen. revan will cause more events in motion which i cannot mention for obvious reasons! once again thanks for reading my story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 chapter 6 "why we at chiss?" asked rose "because chiss is the second strongest nation in the regions outshadowed only by sithar, the sith nation." said revan "so, we are going to recruit them." said exodus "indeed. we need to meet up with deitra." "who?" "deitra delarkoi, jedi exile. my first general. great spokeswoman. persuading the chiss army." fojokau "deitra, what's the situation?" asked revan "not good. the chiss are divided. most want to join us in war, but the best warriors wish to fight both. i think another trip is requiered revan. we need the mando'ades." said the red haired deitra " alright. but first, i have a little problem. the council gave an apprentice, exodus drezzar here." "and?" "well, i was hoping you could help me out. he was in exile and foresaw beyond his time. he is inept at lightsaber abilities and could use some more practice in his abilities of mind. while i'm gone teach him a bit. and smack him is he gets mouthy." "aye aye." chiss training room "so revan has taught you in the shii cho, shien, and masaki forms. and he has shown you how to push others with energy. i however believe in passive force. talk it out. if talk is impossible, then beat the crap outta the enemy. to demonstrate this, we practice juyo. juyo is the harshest of all forms. except sith forms obviously. when using juyo you must use only that which is neccesary. no more no less. you must be lightning, but faster. you must be diamond, but more durable. you must be as strong as your opponent, but stronger. lets begin." the raw speed of the exile was above that which is unseeable. exodus was able to survive on instinct alone. "it is a start. c'mon, you have to try chiss stew." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dxun jungle outpost "who goes there?" asked a young mandalore lieutenant "it is i, revan, the greatest military strategist of the republic!" yelled revan "revan! i am davrell a lieutenant in the great clan. mandalore will love to see you." said the lieutenant. "as will i davrell." the mandalorian base had been upgraded. 13 sensors detect all suspicious activity on dxun and onderon. triple-power lazer turrets capable of piercing raw durasteel. "revan it is a pleasure to see you." said mandalore the preserver "c-canderous? is that you?" asked revan suspiciously "yes! i have collected the helmet of mandalore on your orders." said canderous,pulling off the helm. "i thought you would have searched to turn it away. it was a page out of traya's book." "well, it dose'nt always go with the old woman's choices." "canderous, are you itching to wage war again?" "where you fight i shall follow." "good. meet us at chiss in thr unknown. follow the 18th ion trail of ryloth." "yessir. zuka, call the clan." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "are you saying revan was here and you forgot to tell us? just crossed your mind?" "calm carth. where did the cobalt head?" "chiss mi lady." "prepare the hawk." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Read; Tysyacha said it best, you’re confusing your readers. I’ll make a deal with you, kid. Send me the entire thing, and I will gladly flesh it out a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 11, 2010 Author Share Posted June 11, 2010 tnks, but il take my chances. but thnks for the offer machievelli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 CH7 "read your opponents eyes. you can tell what the enemy will do next. read my movements. this is essential to niman." said deitra. the blue blades clashed like thunder. exodus overwhelmed deitra, knocking her blade into the wall. exodus lowered his blade. it de-ignited. "ugh,....very.....good....i have nothing left to teach you." said deitra. "commander, revan and the mando'ade have landed." said major riiken. "good. we are going to plan an assault." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "the sithar are getting major supplies from ilum. if we take ilum, we will have the crystal caves on our side." said General ignav of the chiss. "true. add that to the natural tibanna in the air and we can cut off their major supply line." said canderous "but how?" asked exodus. "by being faster than lightning." said deitra ilum has 3 cties and a lot of villages. rorkidos is the industrial capital. wervhude is the buisiness center and sephine is the political capital. "the chiss armies led by ignav will go to wervhude, the mandalores to Rorkidos, leaving sephine to us. exodus, you will have to stay out of the battle of sephine. we need you to secure the acuvann vilas, near the cave of guvv. you will take a small platoon of 30 men.clear the villas of sith and then move on to secure the cave." briefed revan "move out." Rorkidos: 500 hours "are the tibanna cannons active?" saked bralor. "yes sir." said zuka. "fire." the red blasts leveled the factories. mandos shot their rifles, overwhelming the sith. suddenly, three tanks built of triple durasteel rolled down, firing endlessly on the mandalores. a sith walked in front, twin sabres in tow. canderous donned his helmet and tremor swords and charged. wervhude: 400 hours "ujjal! attack!" yelled the chiss troops. the obsidian blades of the chiss cut down sith soldiers like the plague. the ilumian business men assisted, throwing tibanna barrels at the tanks which exploded. the city was taken. sephine: 450 hours the reds and blues frantically cut each other down. revan and deitra's abilities over whelmed the the sith. the machines of sith conquest were useless against the republic advance. that is.....until a red skinned man with a red blade stepped out. the sith emperor had greeted his rivals. the villas: 425 hours onderonian troops stormed each villa seperately as put the sith in a stasis and chopped them. a sith lord jumped in front of the burning baragwin tank. he attacked exodus. their movements were faster than light. faster than the battle of alderaan. faster than time. the red cut exodus' left eye. the blood squirted everything. the sith struck again, but failed.exodus sped around him slicing his heart. "Major riiken, lets secure the cave. regroup." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 CH8 Ilumian crystal cave "sir......the gems....." said General kadron "i see, general....it is terrible." said exodus the crystals were greyed by energy sucking kinrath. "general,fire on the kinrath." the primal kinrath put up no challenge to the former palace defenders. then, a large beast came forth. the ice drexl had come forth. "riiken, do we have any heat charges left?" asked exodus "yessir. 24." "load them into the sticky gun." the drexl demolished the hordes of onderonian troops, until riiken fired a cannon which left 24 charges on the drexl which exploded, the blood splattering the crystals. suddenly a large ice piece glowed. "sir....it is a droid.......in the ice?......" "give me a frag." exodus planted the frag in the ice, destroying the ice. "no power source.......huh?" a crystal glowed in the same violent manner. exodus put it in the chassis. it fit. the droid awakened. "HK-47 activated. what is this? my power cell was removed and destroyed? yet it has been replaced by.....a ROCK?????" "er......HK_47....that crystal came from ilum." said exodus nervously "query: who inserted this ro-crystal into me core?" "i did." "query: why?...master?" "master?" "you are my master upon reactivation. and answer me." "because you and the crystal glowed." "strange." "let's go. HK, riiken.we are to move in to assist the mado'ade." "query: mando'ade? led by mandalore?" "yes, HK. mandalore the preserver." "we have met before." "interesting." sephine "i am vosshk, sith emperor. you are revan. this world is yours, but i will not leave without your death." said the red skinned sith "then you shall leave dissappointed. prepare yourself, vosshk." the opponents' blades clashed endlessly. neither elite swordman gave ground. the battle continued on through time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted July 3, 2010 Author Share Posted July 3, 2010 the dark jedi slashed canderous' helmet. the mando'ade were pushing the sith armies back. "why....won't you....die already?" "i cannot be killed by a common footsoldier." announced the dark jedi named shlekk mandalore opened a sack on his leg. in it was a lightsaber. "i am no common soldier. i am companion of revan. you will fall. for manda'lor!" the green and red swords clashed. then a blaster bolt hit the sith on the side of the head. a leather jacket clad black haired pilot stood twenty metres away with a aratech rifle. "good shot rose." said exodus as he arrived in town. "is the cave secure?" asked bralor "affirmative. is this town secure?" "affirmative." the radio on mandalore's helmet spoke. " all troops: rendevous in rorkidos. revanchist out." "canderous. take a look at this droid." "HK-47 all right. bloodthirsty. rusted durasteel. and carries a fine mandaorian assault rifle." " i miss something?" asked revan "what happened to your hand?" "well...." " i have never met another brilliant blademaster like myself. this is quite enjoyable." "quite sure of your swordsmanship eh, mi lord." "why not? i have learned from the greatest of sith: tulak hord,marka ragnos,and naga sadow." "yet i can match you blow for blow." the emperor cut off revan's right hand as he swung the red blade in an uppercut. revan was on the floor. "this is the end. general revan. die." the red blade was stopped in transit. a cyan blade met it. the saber of deitra had defended her best friend's life. "who are you?" asked voshhkk "deitra. the exile. and you are about to leave." said deitra as she pushed vosshkk away. "very well. we shall continue this at another time. revan, exile, you have earned the eye of the sith lords. bad idea." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exoduz Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 chapter 10 ilum anti-sith resistance base "the sith have seven bases, coinciding with intel from our mole in malachor. we know three;rakata,malachor and tsulus." said revan "tsulus?" asked deitra "world outside the known. inhabited by people known as kevine. nasty force cancellers. to defeat the sith we must cut off sith force networks. this has been known be 12 jedi and 4 sith. only 5 jedi know today. 1 sith knows. the jedi are leianna atris, atton rand, visas marr,bastilla shan,tobias richter and the sith is darth drexium, alive but force froze at malachor. telosian polar power facility "atris you know why we come. malachor lived. drexium will return. his protege has already risen. it is time. admiral onasi is en route to tatooine for the first part of general bindo's operation join or watch the galaxy burn." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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