[fic] Star wars kotor Cinderella (warning:not serious)

[Revan sama]

Title: Cinderella Star Wars kotor version.

Pairing: HK-47 x Male Revan (Yes, you have correctly read that, there is no problem with your eyes)

Summary: A kotor parody: Cinderella or should I say HK-Rella lol.

Two or Three chapters.

 

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away from here...

 

On a planet called Coruscant, lived a very unhappy genderless droid.

 

"Query: Do I have to remind you that I was designed to be programming Masculine?"

(HK-47 as Cinderella)

 

I know but it's for not scaring off the people who had just read the pairing of this story.

 

"Interrogation: Pairing? ! What Pairing?

 

Uhm...Let us continue the story, shall we?

 

"Statement: Yes I am desperate...Desperate house wife."

 

He was no ordinary droid.

 

"Statement: Obviously..."

 

For he was a servant.

 

"Indignation: Hey !"

 

And served his step mother

 

"Query: By serving, you mean shoot her?"

 

Er...No...And it's a 'he'.

 

HK-rella turned around and saw his step mother.

 

"Horrified: THIS is my step mother? !"

 

Er...Yes...

 

"Query: since when my step mother has a beard?"

 

"What are you still doing here HK-rella? Go to work !"

(Canderous Ordo, Mandalor as The mean step mother.)

 

And his very mean step sister :

 

"Yeah work faster!"

(Bastila Shan as the mean step sister)

 

She also have psychological problems.

 

"Nya Nya Dark side Nya Nya Dangerous Nya Nya I'm immunised to your charms Nya Nya."

 

"Query: May I shoot them all before I shoot myself?"

 

You don't have a blaster...for now .

 

They took much joy in making HK-rella's life hell...

 

In one word he lived a crappy life...

 

"Wait a bit until I find something to shoot you, you'll see then..." said HK-rella while cleaning the toilet.

 

All HK-rella really wanted in his wretched, miserable existence was...blowing someone with a grenade...

 

But one day, one faithful day would change him forever.

 

"Explanation: Yes. Cleaning the toilet has changed me forever."

 

Not THAT.

 

HK-rella's step family was invited to prince Revan's ball.

 

And of course HK-rella had to stay home and do chores.

 

"I'll make the prince fall for me, then I will reject him and then I will make him fall to the dark side HOHOHO." said the step sister Bastila. She was wearing a beautiful brown robe and the step mother...well...

 

"I have no dignity."

 

He was wearing a mini skirt and you could see his non shaved legs...Very ugly by the way.

 

So HK-rella's step family got all dressed up and went to Prince Revan's palace for the ball.

 

And so HK-rella stayed at home doing laundry.

 

"Statement: Thank goodness that droids don't possess a nose, I would have died of horror if I were to smell their disgusting sweat."

 

Still, HK-rella was really sad not to go to the ball.

 

Thinking of all the meatbags he would have to shoot there...

 

Through the lonely night.

 

HK-rella wept and wept.

 

"Statement: I'm a droid , I can't cry."

 

I SAID, he wept and wept and then all of a sudden...!!

 

There was a burst of light and two fairy appeared before HK-rella. One had blue skin and the other one had fur.

 

"Don't worry HK-rella! We're here to help you!"

(Mission Vao as the first fairy)

 

"'Mumbling in wookie language'"

(Zaalbar as the second fairy)

 

"Yeah, Yeah Big Z we'll eat something once we are done helping him."

 

"Query: who are you? And Why are you blue and him with hair all over his body?"

 

"I'm your fairy godparent! And this is my assistant Zaalbar."

 

"'Greeting in wookie language.'"

 

"Fairy godparent? Then why did you let me suffer all those years under those stinky meatbags? !"

 

"Uhm...Good question...I was busy...I guess..." said Mission the fairy while thinking.

 

"Anyway I heard that you can't go to the ball and I decided to do something about it! Right Big Z?"

 

"'Cheer in wookie language'"

 

"Query: But how are you going to make me go to the ball?"

 

"Simple! With magic!" Said a cheerful Fairy Mission.

 

She put something on HK-rella's head.

 

"...That's a blond wig..." he said.

 

"Yeah and all we need now is a pink dress!"

 

"'Praying in wookie language'"

 

After a few moment of preparation, HK-rella was ready to go to the ball with a big blaster and a few grenades.

 

How was he convinced to be dressed in a pink dress ?

 

Well as long as he got to shoot someone he doesn't care.

 

"Now go HK-rella, your carriage is waiting outside to bring you to the ball. Good luck!"

 

"Whining in wookie language"

 

"Use the Ebon Hawk to go to the palace, T3 will drive."

 

"Query: I have to use a Ship to go over a palace?"

 

"It's faster that way...Oh by the way, You'll have to come back before midnight." said Mission the fairy.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because the glue on the wig will fade away after midnight. Now go!"

 

Meanwhile at Prince Revan's palace.

 

All around the room, couples danced on the central dance floor so blithe and carefree, managing to portray it even within the strict confines of the dance steps. And they should be, for it was not every day that such a happy occasion came to light, to be celebrated in such a manner, that allowed them such freedom that would still remain seemly.

 

The foreigners mingled and tried new things...

 

Sadly, some people had to be turned away at the door...

 

And Prince Revan sat at his throne bored...

 

You see, ever since the original heir, prince Revan's brother, Darth Sion ran off with that...Thing...Lord Nihilus, he was never the same anymore. He couldn't bear it that his brother would be in love with a guy who doesn't even have a face! He's been so tyrannical, he complains about the party but he wanted it in the first place!!

 

"Remember, when I say orange juice, I mean Tropicana and NOT minute maid!" Said prince Revan while beating the crap out of his servant.

 

"'gaps' Prince Revan is sooo noble..." Said the step sister Bastila.

 

End of first chapter.

[Tysyacha]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAinfinity! XD

 

Revan sama, since you made me laugh so hard, I'm going to share with you a funny little story I hope will make YOU laugh so hard! It's really short, so here it is. It's true, too.

 

One evening at her former chess club in her old hometown, a curious and proud Tysyacha tried to challenge someone to a game of chess in French:

 

"Tu veux jouer l'echecs? Tu voir perdre!"

 

FIN (THE END)

 

My French sucks,

Tysyacha

[Revan sama]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAinfinity! XD

 

Revan sama, since you made me laugh so hard, I'm going to share with you a funny little story I hope will make YOU laugh so hard! It's really short, so here it is. It's true, too.

 

One evening at her former chess club in her old hometown, a curious and proud Tysyacha tried to challenge someone to a game of chess in French:

 

"Tu veux jouer l'echecs? Tu voir perdre!"

 

FIN (THE END)

 

My French sucks,

Tysyacha

 

I thank you for the praise my lady. I am glad that my ridiculous humour and insanity made you laught.

If it's any consolation, my English is very bad as well. (I try the best I can though).

Next time try to say, "Tu veux jouer aux Echecs? Tu va perdre!"

I'm sure it make you very classy (If you say it correctly...)

[Revan sama]

Chapter two.

 

Finally the Ebon Hawke made it through the palace. Though it was difficult to park the ship outside.

 

"Sigh: Thank goodness, we're finally here! Next time I'll find a better driver than this stupid trash compactor." said HK-rella.

 

T3 answer with a lot of angry Beep which could be translated as a lot of vulgarity.

(T3 as the carriage driver)

 

"Statement: Oh, do shut up, you beeping little trash compactor."

 

HK-rella took out his blaster and said:

 

"As a meetbag would say: Viva la fiesta!"

 

Then he went to the front door of the palace. No need for invitation, he blasted the guard in the front door.

 

T3 was making a lot of angry noise that could be translated as:

 

"After all that complaining and no tip? !"

 

In the palace.

 

Prince Revan was really bored out of his intellectual mind. There was a cat girl who keep having switching moods, One time she admired him and then she hated him.

(Juhani as the courtesan)

 

Then there was Bastila who keep rejecting him and keep telling him she love him in the dark side.

 

Yeah...

 

The day was really boring...

 

Suddenly he heard a cry out of nowhere:

 

"Aaah! Help! She is blasting everything!"

 

What he saw made his eyes widen.

 

A beautiful girl with long blond hair, with red skin, red eyes and in a pink dress was throwing a few grenades on the people invited at the party.

 

"Statement: Take that, you low meatbags!"

 

Aaaah what a magnificent voice she had...A bit masculine but still it add to her charms.

 

Prince Revan was enchanted!

 

He had to ask her name and had to dance with her!

 

While HK-rella was putting the table on fire, someone asked her:

 

"E-excuse me miss, would you like to dance please?"

 

"Unsure query: Uhm...Do I still have to blast the place all over after the dance?"

 

"Of course!"

 

"Then I guess I can do that master."

 

And so began the not so romantic dance between HK-rella and prince Revan.

Bastila and Juhani were destroyed that this... this Blondie girl got to dance with prince Revan.

 

While HK-rella was trying to keep the dance up, Prince Revan was...well staring at her and touching.

 

" Statement: What the hell are you doing?"

 

"You're not a girl anymore as I can see, you're quite a woman aren't you?" said Prince Revan while...giggling?!

 

"Horrified query: Pardon?!"

 

"What is your name?" asked Prince Revan.

 

"Answer: HK-rella"

 

Then he smelled her hair. (Remember it's a wig)

 

"Hmm, so soft and smell like peach."

 

All HK-rella could think was: "WHAT? ! Pervert!!!"

 

"Recitation: Come on HK-rella, come one, One more minute and then you got to shoot at things, endure it for moment,...Think of something positive...A burning body, a meatbag with acid in his eyes..."

 

Prince Revan looked in her red eyes and said:

 

"You know, I never felt that way...about a girl before."

 

"Horrified: Do that mean you feel for Guys? !"

 

"My lady, I have a request."

 

"Angry query: Now what?"

 

"Kiss me."

 

"Indignation: WHAT?! Kiss a meatbag?! Male? !"

 

"I'm a prince, so You'll have to do as I say! Pucker up!"

 

"First answer: no. Second answer: NO and third answer: Hell NO!"

 

But it was too late prince Revan had grabbed HK-rella for a kiss.

 

Until he heard the first stroke of midnight!

 

The glue on the blond wig has faded away and HK-rella was...bald again.

 

"Statement: I know this will sound very girly but...My first kiss...with a meatbag...EW!"

 

"HK-rella? ! It was you all along!" Said the step mother canderous and step sister Bastila.

 

"Aaah Your kiss are so sweet HK-rella." Said Prince Revan in love.

 

"Query: How in hell could my kiss be sweet since I'm a droid? !"

 

"And you even used you tongue...Very sensual."

 

"Statement: I don't have a tongue!"

 

"Then what was that thing inside your mouth?" asked prince Revan blushing and very in love.

 

"Answer: I don't know and don't want to know!"

 

"Conclusion: It is time for me to go."

 

HK-rella ran off to the ebon hawk as fast as he could.

 

But prince Revan was rushing toward him very fast.

 

"NOOOOO, Don't leave! I love you! My little love droid!"

 

"Yell: Aaaaaah! He is running after me! Quick you little trash compactor, hurry up with the Ebon Hawk!"

 

T3 insulted a few time HK-rella for not giving any tip again then proceeded to drive the Ebon Hawke at home.

 

The prince was Heartbroken. His beloved ran off and there was nothing he could do...

 

Or...is it?

 

HK-rella in a hurry forgot about a little something that could bring him to his doom.

 

His blond wig.

 

End of chapter two.

[Tysyacha]

*snorts pop out of nose* Again, bravo! Question: Is it "tu va" or "tu vas"--perdre?

[Revan sama]

Sorry about that, it's "Tu vas"

 

Chapter three.

 

Prince Revan, who was now madly in love with HK-rella, picked up the blond wig and said to his minister :

 

“Go and search everywhere for the girl whose head will fits to this blond wig. I will never be content until I find her!”

 

"Since when are you ever content?"

(Carth Onasi as the minister)

 

"You did not just roll your eyes on me..." said the suspicious prince Revan.

 

"What? NO, of course not! I love you Lord prince Revan!" said quickly the minister Carth.

 

"Well I don't love you, now stop being such ass-licker and bring me my bald red droid wife!!!" Said prince Revan while beating the crap out of his minister.

 

"'sob' How could such wonderful man be taken 'sob'" The step sister Bastila was crying with all her broken heart.

 

It almost took an entire week to try the blond wig on every bald girl on the planet Coruscant.

 

You can't imagine how much bald girl or woman there is in there.

 

Some girl even shaved their hair on purpose.

 

But it didn't end well.

 

As for HK-rella, he came back home rather quickly and closed the door.

 

Then he went to his room to talk with his godparent fairy Mission Vao and Zaalbar.

 

"Query: Are you both there meatbags Slaves?!"

 

"Shh! We are in a middle of séance of Spiritism here. And we're not your slaves!" said Mission vao the godparent Fairy.

 

"Though, for the meatbag part it fit well big Z."

 

"'Angry whining in wookie language.'"

 

"I was Kidding Zaalbar don't take it so seriously."

 

Indeed, HK-rella's godparents fairies Mission and Zaalbar were trying to bring back the ghost of the father of a young Blondie boy. That was part of their second job. The first one is godparent fairy and the second is Spiritism.

 

"Please, I want to talk with my daddy again..."

(Luke Skywalker as Blondie boy)

 

But little did he know was that Mission doesn't bring back dead people...She do ventriloquism on the photo of the dead guy and pretend to be him.

 

"Luke. It's me...!" Said the false voice of Darth Vader.

 

"Father! It's really you? ! But your voice sound a bit strange..." said Luke.

 

"Uhm...'cough' that is because I have a cold." said the false voice of Darth Vader.

 

"In heaven?" asked Luke.

 

"Who said I was in heaven?"

 

"Anyway I have to ask...Are you my real father like uncle Obi-wan said?"

 

"No Luke...I am...YOUR MOTHER!!!" said the false voice of Darth Vader.

 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo-" Blondie Luke just fainted.

 

"Statement: I don't have time for that, hurry the hell up!"

 

HK-rella dragged Mission and Zaalbar in the dining room and leaved the poor Blondie boy cold on the floor.

 

"Why are you so upset HK-rella? Haven't you found a sexy prince during your time at the ball?" asked Mission with a small smirk.

 

"Thread: Don't you smirk on me!"

 

"Query: Did you make my master fall in love with me?"

 

"No, but it was bounded to happen since it's a corny fairy tale." answer Mission.

 

"Horrified query: WHAT? !"

 

"It was in the script, now you have to marry the prince and it will be the end!"

 

"I don't want to marry that perverted meatbag!" retorted HK-rella

 

"Come on, it can't be that bad. Bastila romanced him in kotor, you can do that as well, even better, right?" Mission's logic didn't make any sense.

 

Knock, knock.

 

Someone was knocking at the front door.

 

And that someone entered the house without even ask permission.

 

"Query: Who are you?"

 

"I'm minister Carth Onasi, I must absolutely try this blond wig on every bald girl to find my prince's wife."

 

"Damn it, too late." said HK-rella.

 

"First, we will try it on the blue girl..." began minister Carth.

 

"Hey! I'm a Twi'lek! I'm always like that and I don't need a blond wig."

 

"Hmm...True, And the girl is supposed to be red anyway."

 

Only HK-rella was left.

 

To everyone's amazement, the wig fitted perfectly.

 

"Come with us HK-rella! The prince is waiting for you!" said minister Carth with joy.

 

"Statement: But...I'm a male droid!"

 

"Ah? Nobody is perfect." Said minister Carth.

 

"You'll have to shoot me first!"

 

After a few dead people and a lot of soldier got hurt, They finally captured HK-rella and dragged him to the prince. The prince was really happy and decided to wed HK-rella immediately a few days later.

 

Though...needless to say that the newly-wed Ms HK-rella-Revan remained catatonic for a few weeks (especially during the honeymoon and after giving birth to the prince's children)

 

"Recitation: As step mother meatbag Canderous would say, I have no dignity..."

 

Until he realized that being married to a prince meant you could shoot the servant as much as you want!!!

 

Few years down the road...

 

"Hello my beautiful family!" said Prince Revan while coming back from work. (By work I mean as a tyrant)

 

"Revan Papa!" Four little half droid and human boys came toward him with big expressionless faces.

 

Killing is the way to someone's heart after all...er...I mean, they lived happily ever after despise that HK-rella is emptying the planet Coruscant more and more.

 

"There's just more of him to love!" Said a blushing prince Revan.

 

The step mother Canderous Ordo was forever type casted as a transvestite.

 

The step sister Bastila committed a suicide because Revan broke her heart and she was all EMO about falling to the dark side.

 

As for Mission and Zaalbar:

 

"I'm sorry han...I love incest...I'm in love with my brother Luke!" Said the false voice of Leia.

 

"NOOOOOOOOOooooooo-" Han Solo fainted.

 

Still causing trouble to the world as always.

 

"I've heard complains Kid..."

(Jolee Bindo as the Fairy boss)

 

"Ah...Er...Yeah...Well they were estatic!" said a nervous Mission.

 

"'Sigh in wookie language'"

 

END OF THE MAGNIFICENT STORY OF HK-RELLA.

[Tysyacha]

8/10. The last part, when Darth Vader et al. entered the story, mixed me up. Still:

 

PLEASE write more, and don't disappear for so long in-between stories like you did one time!

 

Also, I have a request for you. "Peau d'ane" (Donkey Skin) is a fairy tale that 99% of American people don't know, and it's one of my favorites. Could you do it in the KOTOR setting? *wink* I'd love to see it.

[Revan sama]

8/10. The last part, when Darth Vader et al. entered the story, mixed me up. Still:

 

PLEASE write more, and don't disappear for so long in-between stories like you did one time!

 

Also, I have a request for you. "Peau d'ane" (Donkey Skin) is a fairy tale that 99% of American people don't know, and it's one of my favorites. Could you do it in the KOTOR setting? *wink* I'd love to see it.

 

Donkey skin...Yes I remember that tale. that's a good idea, I'll try once I have inspiration for that.

[machievelli]

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