Agen Posted November 21, 2001 Share Posted November 21, 2001 One day, Kyle Katarn woke up, grabbed his lightsaber and went outside. He gasped as he saw a humongous rancor on his porch. It said "GONK!" in a loud booming voice. Kyle almost laughed himself to death then he said "what the hell are you trying to do be pesky gonk droid!?!? I think you need a life you Son of a mother less goat, Taste hot light saber. So Kyle ignited his Lightsabre, and cut-off the Rancor's ...right arm. The rancor screamed in agony and proceeded to Dance the Macarena. Then Kyle said, "How can you dance the Macarena with only one arm while still holding that delicious looking chocolate sundae in your hand?”. The Rancor said im very good at doing all kinds of dances. Just then, Kyle stupidly tripped on bootlace, fell, and got back up, but then desperately fell into a deep depression, started smoking crack, and then out of pure luck, kicked the habit. On the downside his gambling forced Kyle to sell himself as a male escort, but suddenly Jan ignorantly orders a male escort not knowing it is Kyle who will show up. Kyle gets angry that she was going to cheat on him and takes back the friendship ring he gave to her, flys off to Coruscant, and finds himself the nearest Intergalactic Strip Club. Kyle walks up to the Doorman and says "Excuse me sir, if this is an intergalactic strip club, does that require this be a starship of some sort?" To which the doorman replied "If Ya hafta' asks Ya don need come in Ya scruffy Nerf-Herder! Nows lift outta here b'fors I call George Lucas and tell him to leave Jar Jar out of Episode 2 because he is more distracting than this thread, so Kyle got high, then rented TPM DVD, snarled at the fact Lucas didn't wait 1 more month release the DVD with the Episode 2 trailer, as Kyle sat around eating cheesypoofs and drinking grog (he was hanging out with space pirates) he suddenly realized he was overweight. The scale said 450 and Kyle said: "What have I done with my life?" I used to go around the galaxy looking all chiseled, and now, I'm fat?" So he begins his search for richard simmons when kermit the frog steps out and pulls a lightsaber out and challenges Kyle to a duel and immediately explodes from the stack of mines that Max the Rabbit had stacked in his way ahead of time. HEH HEH HEH HEH Then Hulk Hogan busted the door down and angrily uttered, "NWO 4 Life! I am here to wipe your foul stench from the Force!" Kyle replied “foul stench! That's what your mama Sold her soul 2! and then stepped up, blew him a rasberry and ran between his legs and out the door, when suddenly Jedi Master Yoda appeared in front of him. Yoda looked up at Kyle, squinted his eyes and said “Mama jokes, a jedi makes not, look at me judge me by my mama do you?" Kyle abruptly turned and "here, a puff off this bong you should take, feel the smoke FLOWING through you." Then unexpectedly, Yoda started dancing to the Macarena, Like a pus*y when kyle saw this dance again he screamed and took a freaky and put on his concrete slippers and booted hell out of yoda and choked him and made him say: I will never dance the macarena again!, so then kyle continued to kick yoda until he was sick and then after that he said “I will not do it again he gasped” Kyle twitched in his sleep, he heard something. In an instant he lept from his bed, and ran to the kitchen to stop the leaky faucet. "While I'm here," Kyle thought to himself, "I might as well order a pizza." So Kyle ordered a pizza and kermit the frog was in his pizza box, so Kyle said don't even think about doing that! Suddenly kermit whipped out a hi-fi and set the cd to Dance to the Macarena! Kyle fell on his knees and started praying to obi wan: how can this happen who inveted this song!!! Obi Wan faintly appeared infornt of him and said : Take this lightsaber... "u'll need this 1 for jk2. it's blue u can dingy that green 1 because u don't need it because the guys at raven like blue better". Anyway said Obi.. The guy who invented this song was we don’t know. And over somewhere else in the jk2.net galaxy a feud borke out and here’s we have osme highlights… Well, even though this thread is practically dead, I am proud to say that my Macarena joke lasted to the end. Oooooohhh, Yeah! -------------------- A toll is a toll, and a roll is a roll. If we don't get no tolls, then we don't get no rolls...I made that up. - Little John from "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" Posts: 104 | From: | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged KordKelly Mercenary Member # 376 posted October 31, 2001 12:58 AM ^^^^^^^^^ Your Macarena joke WAS the end -------------------- Posts: 105 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged JediKnight_114 Mercenary Member # 248 posted October 31, 2001 01:21 AM *smacks KordKelly to the ground and proceeds to dance the macarena on his grave. Notices that people are staring at him funny, and runs off giggling while add-libbing the unknown words to the macarena.* "HEEEEEEEYYYYYYY Macarena" But here we are back at Kyle… kyle walked in and proceeds to hack up JediKnight_114 for making stupid macarena jokes. Kyle then walks down to the local jedi temple and orders some grog. the man standing next to kyle gave to the darkside and started dancing the macarena! But then the the hero over 2 lightyears away appears (you guys made this bit bloody hard!) He walks into room and says "You shoulda done a better job Superstupidstormie. I live" *Ignites lightsaber* "Heeeeeeeyy Macarena" But a Depressed kyle because of the macarena jumps in between the saber clash of Dumb stormie and the jedi guy and gets cut in 2. A while l8r they have kyle's funeral and while they're singing nice little hymns a raid breakes out and hold all kyle firends hostage (Jan and mara (what a nigel)) and then the official members of the universal concert come in and sing the........................................................... MACARENA! but then everyone regainse their brianpower, and sings something more approprate for the death of a great jedi... something liek, 'Ride On'. then wouldnt you know it, Kyle’s casket opened! Kyle lived, and just couldn't help but sing the Macarena. "Heeeeeeeeeey Macarena." he wailed over the crowd of "Ride On" singers. Suddenly everyone who sang the macarana started feeling woozie, and their head suddenly exploded. the the rest of the sane people left with kyle to head down to the bar. to bad they encountered A herd of man eating Jawas! But luckily, a giant Kermit The frog walks through the door and says.... " Live this fight with me and u shall be granted permission to eat kyle and unlimited time tyo dance the macarena!!! Muhuwahahahahahaha!!!!!!" So he ignites his lightsaber and sings The Beastie Boys' "You Gotta Fight (For Your Right to Party)" and slices his own frickin' head off. Kyle picks up the head and forever damns him to listen to Hansen's Mmbop. While the drunken Rancor at the far end of the bar gets upset cos Kyle started to dance the macerena. The Rancor cam over and cut off his right arm bought a lollipop and started dancing to the macarena in memory of his brother. Then Luke Skywalker walks in and says Starts dancing 'N Sync style. *shudders* I think that's worse than the Macarena Then everybody spontaneously combusted And kyle said "Lat time i'm gonna dance to anything" and shoots the guy behind him who is attempting to steal his lightsaber, then he realises he is being ripped in half by some unseen force from across the room. Kyle turns around, only to see Barbra Streisand. and kyle said ..."Arrrrrggghhhh!!! You're uglier than a Rancor!" To which Barbara replied “I'm flattered." Then Barbara tried to kiss Kyle. Kyle, frightened, immediately Exploded in a million pieces and barbra ate all the peices..... and Yoda walked through the door and said to her... "U killed the main character, You retard" and Barbra said "Burp, Kiss my smelly, Saarlac shaped animal house." Yoda sliced her head off, and out came a terminator. "Hasta LaVista" he grunted as he pulled a shotgun on poor Yoda. Then Yoda dropped to his knees and tried to do a jedi mind trick on it..... The Terminator got angry and kicked yoda across the church (remember we're in a chrurch because of kyle's funeral) adn then Yoda murmered " have some respect dude" so the terminator dragged yoda outside and ripped off his mask!!!! it was terminator Yoda said " Why were u dressed up as a terminator and why the hell did u come out of barbra!!!!! Terminator said.." She ate me" and then he aimed at yoda's head and threw a rubber bouncy ball at it. Yoda, of course, being allergic to rubber, immediately began to Melt as the ball went through his head. Suddenly, Luke rushed onto the scene "OMG, You killed Yoda! You bestich!" With that he pulled out his lightsaber and struck a walking fish that was taking down notes for Mr. Lucas and the Luke fell to his knees and started to cry and terminator let KordKelly test his new sig. Everyone who saw it said "Hey, Kord, your sig is NONEXISTENT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" After that, they all left and decided to go play some pin the tail on the Barbra Streisand, luke got first place and termie got second and then luke went and said "hey wasn't i supposed to kill u" termy looked around and said " Look it's ur dad" Luke quickly turned around and then terminator took it his famous double barreled shotgun and hit luke over the head with it.... He dragged him down a hole (not that type, u evil person) and locked the door then suddenly a ravenus Man/Metal eating T-Rex burst out form the ground and ate KordKelly. So Kord suddenly burst out of the Rex's chest, (not unlike that famous Alien ) and immediately attacked Barbara. Luke and the others into their collective pockets, and each extracted a fully grown Bantha, much to their expectation. Yoda (suddenly alive for osme reason), dismayed at such wanton displays of the Force chided, "Away put your Banthas! KordKelly means you no harm!" "You're wrong, master Yoda. I can feel the bad in him", was Luke's defiant reply. "He's actually quite right ... Yoda is it? I'm really rather quite an evil little person", KordKelly explained. "My own council will I keep on who is evil!", was Yoda-I-know-it-all's response. A bell tolled in the distance, portenting events yet to come. A space donkey brayed. The wind blew a tumble weed across the dried, dirt street running through the center of the abandonned town, as ominous dark clouds set the mood for the coming confrontation. After a moment of dramatic pause, KordKelly quickly walked up to Yoda, picked the muppet up, and promptly shoved him inside the ... er ... aft cavity of the largest, smelliest Bantha in the previously produced herd. A Bantha named, Umpta, then proceeded to barf up a fully rejuvenated Kyle Katarn. The ORIGINAL (and hopefully continuous) STAR of this story then proceeded to make some Terminator-Chunkies ™. Luke, disturbed by the fact that HE didn't get to kill the Terminator And Kyle challenged Luke to the fact that he didn't kill term so Luke ignited his saber, and a horrendous battle insued. Kyle blocked the first hit, but as he dodged the second, Luke struck down an innocent Ugnaught. Kyle, totally P.O.ed, threw his saber straight at Luke. Luke, with his fast reflexes, easily dodged the saber, which narrowly missed Princess Leia by a few inches. As Kyle pulled his saber back to himself, it struck a small boy in the crowd. Luke, of course, was now even more P.O.ed than Kyle, so they began to fight, sabers flaring and flashing. Kyle, wanting to play dirty, blocked on of Luke's attacks, grabbed Luke's neck, and did a little "Force Discharge" (or at least that's what I like to call it). Luke, surprised, stumbled backwards. Kyle prepared to impale Luke, but Luke suddenly disappeared and reappeared right behind Kyle. Our hero seemed about to meet his end... (cue somewhat sad Star Wars music, like when Vader died in RotJ). but fortunately, the ghosts of Yoda, Anakin, and even Kyle's father showed up They spoke to them, chatted a little, talked about the after-life, and eventually forgave each other And as the images parted, Kyle's father gave a little farewell, and one last message of advice "Kyle... your saber... remember to turn it off whenever you're not fighting." "Oh, yeah, forgot," Kyle answered, switching his saber to off position. "May the Force be with you, Kyle." "May the Force be with you." Behind there was a soft vader breathing that kyle heard but took no notice…. THE END. You may rate this and later i will give credits i give it a 5/5 [ November 22, 2001: Message edited by: Agen_Terminator ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben_Walker Posted November 21, 2001 Share Posted November 21, 2001 Hey cool... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KordKelly Posted November 21, 2001 Share Posted November 21, 2001 Awesome!!! Great job, Termie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philbo Posted November 21, 2001 Share Posted November 21, 2001 Good job, Term. I couldn't have done it better myself. (Matter of fact, I probably would have done WORSE.) Kick @$$. Thanks to everyone who contributed to the story/stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agen Posted November 21, 2001 Author Share Posted November 21, 2001 I'm also gonna edit the mistakes peole made and put the credits at the bottom. Thanks fr the Thankses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainRAVE Posted November 21, 2001 Share Posted November 21, 2001 Anyone else going to start a new story???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agen Posted November 21, 2001 Author Share Posted November 21, 2001 Give us a rest eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agen Posted November 22, 2001 Author Share Posted November 22, 2001 Changed name so more poeple would read it and i don't think people know it's the "let's make a story thread" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philbo Posted November 23, 2001 Share Posted November 23, 2001 Yes, CaptainRAVE, GIVE US A REST. This story took well over a month to write, if I'm not mistaken. Let's not get too hasty. We should probably wait AT LEAST until February. That's my thought, anyway. Let's just let things quiet down a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GonkH8er Posted November 23, 2001 Share Posted November 23, 2001 Originally posted by Santa Philbo: <STRONG> We should probably wait AT LEAST until February. That's my thought, anyway. Let's just let things quiet down a little.</STRONG> Trust me, by february, things will be so not-quiet you'll forget about this thread altogether........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
access_flux Posted November 23, 2001 Share Posted November 23, 2001 i don't think febuary is enough time.... : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainRAVE Posted November 23, 2001 Share Posted November 23, 2001 By feburary we should almost be having a review of the game....and we definatly will have a lot of information on this site Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agen Posted November 23, 2001 Author Share Posted November 23, 2001 ok what about a christmas special one? 15 dec til 20 jan? [ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: Agen_Terminator ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agen Posted November 25, 2001 Author Share Posted November 25, 2001 No comments then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainRAVE Posted November 25, 2001 Share Posted November 25, 2001 That would be too early for a review of the game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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