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Wife v1.0

Jiro Kage

By Jiro Kage
in Yoda’s Swamp

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Jiro Kage

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Posted

An old email I had, enjoy =]

 

Girlfriend to Wife "Upgrade"
 Dear Tech Support:

 Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon
noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing
that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of
this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife
1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches
during system initialization, where it monitors all other system
activity.

 Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and
Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background
while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking
about  going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work
on Wife1.0.

Please help!!!!!! Thanks, A Troubled User.

 REPLY:

 Dear Troubled User:

 This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and
Entertainment program.

 Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to
run  EVERYTHING!!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to
return  to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause
Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from
the system once installed.

 You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
to  not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but
end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in
your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I
recommend that you  keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes
Dear to alleviate software augmentation.

 Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the
entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults' (GPFs). You
must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that
occur, regardless of their cause.

 You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course of
action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use
of  C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE  command before the system will return to normal anyway.

 Remember the system will run smoothly as long as you share the
blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to
be very  high maintenance.

 Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and
Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills
4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these
programs. Improper  use will cause the system to launch the program
Nag Nag 9.5. Once this  happens, the only way to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0  should this happen.

 WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary
With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife
1.0 and  will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

 Best of luck,

 Tech Support

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