Joshi Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 NI! what sad time are these when passing ruffians can say 'Ni' at will to old ladies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuicidalXWing Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 You must acquire a shrubery! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 19, 2003 Author Share Posted January 19, 2003 then you must cut down a tree with... ...a herring!!! **surprising music** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feral Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 No! I refuse to do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuicidalXWing Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 *cut backwards to Black Knight* No man may pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 19, 2003 Author Share Posted January 19, 2003 **cut forward to entire bridge scene** Bridge keeper: whoever wish to pass by me must answer me these questions three there the other side he see. What is you name? Lancelot: I am sir lancelot of camelot Bridge keeper: what is your quest? Lancelot: i seek teh holy grail. Bridge Keeper: what, is you favorite colour? Lancelot: blue Bridge Keeper: okay, off you go. Lancelot: oh, okay then. **walks across the bridge** Sir Robin: that's easy! **runs to the Bridge Keeper** Bridge keeper: whoever wish to pass by me must answer me these questions three there the other side he see. What is you name? Robin: i am sir robin of camelot Bridge keeper: What is your quest? Robin: I seekt he holy grail. Bridge keeper: what... is the capital of Isseria? Robin: i don't know that. **get's flung into the bottomless gorge** Bridge keeper: whoever wish to pass by me must answer me these questions three there the other side he see. What is you name? Sir Galahad: I am sir galahad of camelot. Bridge keeper: what is your quest? galahad: i seek the holy grail. Bridge keeper: what is your favorite colour? galahad: Blue, no gre- ** get's flung into bottomless gorge** Bridge keeper: whoever wish to pass by me must answer me these questions three there the other side he see. What is you name? King arthur: i am arthur, of the britons. Bridge keeper: what is your quest? Arthur: i seek the holy grail. Bridge keeper: what... is the air-speed velocity of a new laden swallow? Arthur: what do you mean, and african swallow or a european? Bridge keeper: i don't know that. **get's flung into teh bottomless gorge** hee hee, my favorite bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benihana14 Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 I personally love the black knight fight...and the Lancelot going ape. MESSAGE FOR YOU SIR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al-back from the BigWhoop Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 after watching the movie for the 9373u749th time, i realized that in the beginning the castle guards are discussing with arthur bout where he got the coconuts, because the european swallow could not carry a cocunut, but the european swallow could... interesting, funny AND smart. they r the best!! can i have my money now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 21, 2003 Author Share Posted January 21, 2003 actually, the castle they shot at was the same throughout the movie because they had little money (i.e, no money for horses, ergo, the coconuts) but different camera angles made it look like swamp castle, the castle of AAARGH!, castle anthrax and camelot. and i didn't know you could watch a movie 9373u749 times, the u makes things complicated. **french take in giant wooden rabbit** Arthur: Okay, now what happens. Benevir: Well, now lancelot galahad and i wait until night, and then leap out of the rabbit taking the french completely by surprised. not only completely by surprise, but totally off guard as well. Arthur: Um... who jumps out? Benevir: Lancelot Galahad and i, umm **everyone looks at lancelot, galahad and Benevir, obviously not inside the rabbit** umm..., okay, i've got this wooden rabbit idea- Arthur: oh just shut up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feral Posted January 21, 2003 Share Posted January 21, 2003 Castle AAARGH! was also a cardboard cut-out in places. Strange but true. And it's a wooden badger idea that Benevir had an idea for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 21, 2003 Author Share Posted January 21, 2003 i noticed that as soon as i clicked submit, but was too busy to edit it. and camelot was also a cardboard cutout considering they never actually rode to it, they just began to and then came back after the song. (which i won't quote right now) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feral Posted January 21, 2003 Share Posted January 21, 2003 You mean... We're knights of the Round Table. We dance whene'er we're able. We do routines and chorus scenes. With footwork impeccable. We dine well here in Camelot. We eat ham and jam and spam and lot. We're knights of the Round Table. Our shows are formidable, But many times we're given rhymes That are quite unsingable. We're opera mad in Camelor. We sing from the diaphragm a lot. In war we're tough and able, Quite indefatigable. Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable. It's a busy life in Camelot. I have to push the pram a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 21, 2003 Author Share Posted January 21, 2003 yeah, that's the one. now someone put down the 'always look on the bright side life' song down from life of brian (big nose). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guybrush122 Posted January 21, 2003 Share Posted January 21, 2003 *points at natty* SHE TURNED ME INTO A NEWT!!! what? i got better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuicidalXWing Posted January 22, 2003 Share Posted January 22, 2003 *historian talking about history* *man rides by and kills him* (Lancelot? He got arrested.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frenchyd Posted January 22, 2003 Share Posted January 22, 2003 YAY! I recently discovered Monty Python. SO funny. Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah." [Everyone gasps] Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself! Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse?!?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 22, 2003 Author Share Posted January 22, 2003 damn, i loved life of brian (more than holy grail) unfortunately i lost the video and can't find it anywhere. oh well. let's refere back to Gubrush's reference. man1: i witch a witch, we found a witch. woman: i am not a witch, they dressed me up to look like a witch benevir: did you dress up the woman. man1: No! No! No... well yes, a bit, we did do the nose, and the hat, but she is a witch. man2: She turned me into a newt! **everyone looks at the man** i got better. Benevir: now there are ways of telling if she's a witch. everyone: there is? Benevir: what do we do with witches? everyone: burn em!! Benevir: and what else do we burn. man1: more witches! Man2: shut up... um, wood? Benevir: exactly. and what can we make out of wood? Man1: bridges? we can build a bridge out of her! Benevir: ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone? Man2: oh yeah, um... Benevir: doesn't wood float? Man1: yeah yeah. come on, lets throw her in the river!! Benevir: ah, but what else floats? Man1: horses? Man3: Churches? Man2: very small pebbles. Man1: a duck! Benevir: exactly, so... Man1: so... if... she weighs the... same as a duck... then... she amde of wood? Benevir: and therefore? Man1: a witch! Benevir: yes. i'll get my big scales. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feral Posted January 22, 2003 Share Posted January 22, 2003 It's actually Arthur that says "A duck!". OK, I'll stop correcting your Pythonese now Man 1: What did he say? Man 2: I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers" Woman: What's so special about the cheesemakers?" Man 1: Well, obviously, you aren't supposed to take it literally. It applies to all makers of dairy products. MANDY: Well, what is myrrh, anyway? WISE MAN #3: It is a valuable balm. MANDY: A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him. WISE MAN #3: What? MANDY: That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the trough. WISE MAN #1: No, it isn't. MANDY: Yes, it is. It's great, big mmm... WISE MAN #3: No, no, no. It is an ointment. MANDY: Aww, there is an animal called a balm,... or did I dream it? So, you're astrologers, are you? Well, what is he then? WISE MAN #2: Hmm? MANDY: What star sign is he? WISE MAN #2: Uh, Capricorn. MANDY: Uhh, Capricorn, eh? What are they like? WISE MAN #2: Ooh, but... he is the son of God, our Messiah. WISE MAN #1: King of the Jews. MANDY: And that's Capricorn, is it? WISE MAN #2: Uh, no, no, no. That's just him. MANDY: Ohh, I was going to say, 'Otherwise, there'd be a lot of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 22, 2003 Author Share Posted January 22, 2003 The emaning of life was pretty good. i'm still trying to work out how the BBC let them hire small children to sing "every sperm is sacred." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brief Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Spam, lovely spam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frenchyd Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Originally posted by brief Spam, lovely spam! hey, quit raining on our monty python parade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brief Posted January 23, 2003 Share Posted January 23, 2003 Originally posted by Frenchyd hey, quit raining on our monty python parade. Tut tut, Frenchy That is a Monty Python sketch. They're the reason why we call some of this Internet stuff spam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 24, 2003 Author Share Posted January 24, 2003 Shut up! Bloody Vikings! best...quote...every. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Groovy Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 Announcer: And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks! Host : I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton who... (pause) Mr. Frampton, I understand that you - um - as it were... (pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that whereas most people have - er - two... Two. Frampton: Oh, sure. Host: Ah well, er, Mr Frampton. Erm, is that chair comfortable? Frampton: Fine, yeah, fine. Host: Mr Frampton, er, vis a vis your... (pause) rump. Frampton: I beg your pardon? Host: Your rump. Frampton: What? Host: Er, your derriere. (Whispers) Posterior. Sit-upon. Frampton: What's that? Host: (whispers) Your buttocks. Frampton: Oh, me bum! Host: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well now, I understand that you, Mr Frampton, have a... (pause) 50% bonus in the region of what you say. Frampton: I got three cheeks. Host: Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well we were wondering, Mr Frampton, if you could see your way clear to giving us a quick... (pause) a quick visual... (long pause). Mr Frampton, would you take your trousers down. Frampton: What? (to cameramen) 'Ere, get that away! I'm not taking me trousers down on television. What do you think I am? Host: Please take them down. Frampton: No! Host: No, er look, er Mr Frampton. It's quite easy for somebody just to come along here claiming... that they have a bit to spare in the botty department. The point is, our viewers need proof. Frampton: I've been on Persian Radio ... Get off! Arthur Figgis knows I've got three buttocks. Host: How? Frarnpton: We go cycling together. (Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (Graham) looks down, looks up and exclaims 'strewth '.) Announcer: (sitting at desk) And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks. (Interview studio again.) Interviewer: Good evening, I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton, who.. Mr Frampton I understand that you, as it were - well let me put it another way... I believe Mr Frampton that whereas most people... didn't we do this just now? Frampton: Er ... yes. Interviewer: Well why didn't you say so? Frarnpton: I thought it was the continental version. (Cut back to Announcer sitting confidently at desk) Announcer: And now for something completely the same - a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers) Hullo? ... Oh, did we. (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for something completely different. A man with three noses. Off-Screen Voice: He's not here yet! Announcer: Two noses? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted January 28, 2003 Author Share Posted January 28, 2003 I can't believe no noes done the opening credits to Holy Grail you'll really want to read the bits in italics. the line across show when a new screen comes along. but some of the actual credits are quite funny, especially toward the end. check it out. PYTHON (MONTY) PICTURES LTD in association with MICHAEL WHITE presents -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Monty Python and The Holy Grail Mønti Pythøn ik den Hølie Gräilen -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Written and performed by: Graham Chapman John Cleese Eric Idle Terry Gilliam Terry Jones Michael Palin Røten nik Akten Di -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- With Connie Booth Carol Cleveland Neil Innes Bee Duffell John Young Rita Davies Wik -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Also appearing Avril Stewart Sally Kinghon Alsø wik -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Also also appearing Mark Zycon Elspeth Cameron Mitsuko Forstater Sandy Johnson Sandy Rose Romilly Squire Joni Flynn Alison Walker Loraine Ward Anna Lanski Sally Coombe Vivienne Macdonald Yvonne Dick Daphne Darling Fiona Gordon Gloria Graham Judy Lams Tracy Sneddon Sylvia Taylor Joyce Pollner Mary Allen Alsø alsø wik -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Camera Operator HOWARD ATHERTON Camera Focus JOHN WELLARD Camera Assistant ROGER PRATT Camera Grip RAY HALL Chargehand Electrician TERRY HUNT Lighting TELEFILM LIGHTING SERVICE LTD ANDREW RITCHIE & SON LTD TECHNICOLOR Rostrum Cameraman KENT HOUSTON Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër ? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sound Recordist GARTH MARSHALL Sound Mixer HUGH STRAIN Boom Swinger GODFREY KIRBY Sound Maintenance PHILIP CHUBB Sound Assistant ROBERT DOYLE Dubbing Editor JOHN FOSTER Assistant Editors JOHN MISTER, NICK GASTER, ALEXANDER CAMPBELL ASKEW, BRIAN PEACHEY, DANIELLE KOCHAVI Sound Effects IAN CRAFFORD See the løveli lakes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Continuity PENNY EYLES Accountant BRIAN BROCKWELL Production Secretary CHRISTINE WATT Property Buyer BRIAN WINTERBORN Property Master TOM RAEBURN Property Men ROY CANNON, CHARLIE TORBETT, MIKE KENNEDY Catering RON HELLARD LTD. Vehicles BUDGET RENT-A-CAR LTD The wøndërful telephøne system -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Assistant Art Director PHILIP COWLAM Construction Manager BILL HARMAN Carpenters NOBBY CLARK, BOB DEVINE Painter GRAHAM BULLOCK Stagehand JIM N. SAVERY Rigger ED SULLIVAN And mäni interesting furry animals -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- With special extra thanks to Charlie Knode, Brian McNulty, John Gledhill, Peter Thomson, Sue Cable, Valerie Charlton, Drew Mara, Sue Smith, Charlie Coulter, Iain Monaghan, Steve Bennell, Bernard Belenger, Alpini McAlpine, Hugh Boyle, Dave Taylor, Gary Cooper, Peter Saunders, Les Shepherd, Vaughn Millard, Hamish MacInnes, Terry Mosaic, Bawn O'Beirne Ranelagh. Made entirely on location in Scotland at Doune Castle, Castle Stalker, Killin, Glen Coe, Arnhall Castle, Bracklim Falls, Sherriffmuir. By Python (Monty) Pictures Limited, 20, Fitzroy Square, London W1 England. And completed at Twickenham Film Studios, England. Copyright © 1974 National Film Trustee Company Limited. All rights reserved. The Producers would like to thank the Forestry Commission, Doune Admissions Ltd, Keir & Cawdor Estates, Stirling University, and the people of Doune for their help in the making of this film. The Characters and incidents portrayed and the names used are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters, or history of any person is entirely accidental and unintentional. Signed RICHARD M. NIXON Including the majestik møøse -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Songs NEIL INNES Additional music DEWOLFE A Møøse once bit my sister... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Costume Designer HAZEL PETHIG No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law -an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked. Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Production Manager JULIAN DOYLE Assistant Director GERRY HARRISON Special Effects JOHN HORTON Choreography LEO KHARIBIAN Fight Director & Period Consultant JOHN WALLER Make Up Artists PEARL RASHBASS, PAM LUKE Special Effects Photography JULIAN DOYLE Animation Assistance LUCINDA COWELL, KATE HEPBURN Møøse Trained by YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lighting Cameraman TERRY BEDFORD Special Møøse Effects OLAF PROT Møøse Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILL -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Designer ROY SMITH Møøse choreographed by HORST PROT III Miss Taylor's Møøses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME Møøse trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Editor JOHN HACKNEY Møøses noses wiped by BJØRN IRKESTØM-SLATER WALKER Large møøse on the left hand side of the screen in the third scene from the end, given a thorough grounding in Latin, French and "O" Level Geography by BO BENN Suggestive poses for the møøse suggested by VIC ROTTER Antler-care by LIV THATCHER -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked. The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Executive Producer JOHN GOLDSTONE & "RALPH" The Wonder Llama -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer MARK FORSTATER Assisted By EARL J. LLAMA MILT Q. LLAMA III SY LLAMA MERLE Z. LLAMA IX -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Directed By 40 SPECIALLY TRAINED ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS 6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS 142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS 14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS (CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA) REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON 76000 BATTERY LLAMAS FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY and TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES and then the bit after. EXTERIOR - CASTLE WALLS - DAY Mist. Several seconds of it swirling about. silence possibly, atmospheric music. SUPERIMPOSE "England AD 787". after a few more seconds we hear hoofbeats in the distance. They come slowly closer. Then out of the mist comes KING ARTHUR followed by a SERVANT who is banging two half coconuts together. ARTHUR raises his hand. ARTHUR Whoa there! SERVANT makes noises of horses halting, with a flourish. ARTHUR peers through the mist. CUT TO shot from over his shoulder: castle (e.g. Bodium) rising out of the mist. On the castle battlements a SOLDIER is dimly seen. He peers down. SOLDIER Halt! Who goes there? ARTHUR It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of all Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England! Pause. SOLDIER Get away! ARTHUR I am... And this my trusty servant, Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join our court at Camelot.. I must speak with your lord and master. SOLDIER What? Ridden on a horse? ARTHUR Yes! SOLDIER You're using coconuts! ARTHUR ...What? SOLDIER You've got two empty halves of coconuts and you're banging them together. ARTHUR (Scornfully) So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea. SOLDIER Where did you get the coconuts? ARTHUR Through ... We found them. SOLDIER Found them? In Mercea. The coconut's tropical! ARTHUR What do you mean? SOLDIER Well, this is a temperate zone. ARTHUR The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover seek warmer hot lands in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. SOLDIER Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? ARTHUR Not at all. They could be carried. SOLDIER What? A swallow carrying a coconut? | ARTHUR | Why not? | | SOLDIER | I'll tell you why not ... because a swallow is about eight | inches long and weighs five ounces, and you'd be lucky | to find a coconut under a pound. | ARTHUR It could grip it by the husk ... SOLDIER It's not a question of where he grips it, It's a simple matter of weight - ratios ... A five-ounce bird could not hold a a one pound coconut. ARTHUR Well, it doesn't matter. Go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here. A Slight pause. Swirling mist. Silence. SOLDIER Look! To maintain Velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings four hundred and ninety three times every second. right? ARTHUR (irritated) Please! SOLDIER Am I right? ARTHUR I'm not interested. SECOND SOLDIER (who has loomed up on the battlements) It could be carried by an African swallow! FIRST SOLDIER Oh yes! An African swallow maybe ... but not a European swallow. that's my point. SECOND SOLDIER Oh yes, I agree there ... ARTHUR (losing patience) Will you ask your master if he wants to join the Knights of Camelot?! FIRST SOLDIER But then of course African swallows are non-migratory. SECOND SOLDIER Oh yes. ARTHUR raises his eyes heavenwards and nods to PATSY. They turn and go off into the mist. FIRST SOLDIER So they wouldn't be able to bring a coconut back anyway. SECOND SOLDIER Wait a minute! Suppose two swallows carried it together? FIRST SOLDIER No, they'd have to have it on a line. Stillness. Silence again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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