Burnseyy

I suppose that's all you really can do, isn't it?

I just hope that college is for me... I think I've enrolled into one of the most strict colleges around.. but at least I'm getting £30 a week, because my household income is below average. and every now and a gain, I get treats of £100. I can't wait for that lol.

I think I'm going to be a little more... friendly to the teachers this time round. I hated them in High school, because they treat everyone like they're stupid. Unless you're best friends with the teachers, of course. Can't stand those people.

HOPs a month older than me so that makes me the youngest. the education is different in England, anyway, so HOP and I may or may not be at the same level, regardless of age.

Either way, you definitely have the upper hand when it comes to more life experience. I mean, look at the posts you start... some of that stuff I don't even think about. So whilst HOP and I have probably written more, you have more experience that could go into the story. I can definitely see it in your SiD.

It feels strange telling someone older than me about grammar lol sorry if it sounds a bit patronising.

and you should go through and look specifically for errors. I rarely get told that I've made an error, and if I have it's usually a typo, or people just disagreeing for the hell of it!

Should Alayna discover that Kreia was telling the truth, yet? Doesn't sound like a very good idea, to get the main inner conflicts out of the way before even the end of chapter one. If anything I think you should leave it at a point where the exile is unsure whether Kreia is lying or telling the truth, because she doesn't know whether it applies to everyone else.

Yeah I get what you mean..

So say someone was trying to describe a sith planning to attack someone... you'd say it like:

The sith planned to conform to his attack, however, the present moment would not suffice. He would have to wait until later.

Would, had, did, hadn't, 'ed' ... always use those kind of things if you're speaking in past tense.

Sometimes there are strange sentences, but you've got to be sort of 'creative' about how you word it. Sometimes it can't be worded in a straightforward way.

It's good you weren't online all that time lol my screen went blank, and it took ages to figure out what to do. Fixed it though.

Past? Well, give me a few examples in your story that you couldn't keep in past tense, and I'll show you how to overcome it. It's simple really, but I get what you mean. If you don't like it, then you don't want to do it.... subconsciously, anyway.

Thank you very much - I tried to get a lot of description in the first few paragraphs, to save myself from having to write so much during the dialogue. But... I still wrote a lot during the dialogue... It's a habit. '

I think that's how I view myself I guess. I'm not so vain as to say I'm extraordinary lol

And I notice that you tend to skip from past to present tenses on certain words and sentences. I think it was the last paragraph, instead of putting 'ed' on the end of a word, you put 'es'. Nothing big.

I liked the update nonetheless, it's really coming along. The dialogue between Alayna and Visas is great, definitely has emotion in it. And you portray the Exile as imperfect, which is great.

How did you compare yourself to a ship? lol

What glitches did you find in my story? I'd like to be able to pay attention to those parts, especially.

& I'll read the update, now.

You may well post your part when you've finished so we can read it as one piece, and then modify it later.

As for that, yes, poetic pieces in stories are always good. As long as there's a limited amount of them, then it works well. Good idea. I've become so obsessed with 'symbols' in stories, I actually think that way myself, sometimes.

Thank you.

And yeah, they were meant to be in italics but since it was rough, I couldn't be bothered lol

That's what would tell the narrator from the thoughts - italics.

We'd have to agree on one method, or else it'd become patchy. So let's ask HOP what he thinks is the best approach.

Sorry I can't stay, I've got to rush off. But I've put a part of my carth and bastila thing on K3.

That's a big stereotype. People who think writers don't need to communicate. Of course they do - what's writing all about?

And alright. Later.

Sure thing. And how I hate chores. I tidied my room yesterday, and it's messy again. I tell my parents 'there's no point!' but alas, I don't get through to them.

(probably because if I didn't tidy, I'd be living in a swamp by now.)

I hate not getting my hopes up, but I also hate disappointment. So I try to be happy about it but remember 'I don't need other people to remain content' so I don't let it bother me, what they do/say.

And I'm sure a lot of people have already seen it, passing through our pages. so don't worry about readers - they'll come.

People get interested in stories for about a second, and then throw it out the back of their mind. It happens a lot. I just never believed anyone when they told me they were interested (unless they write themselves) because... really... they're not.

I know every lie in the book

And that doesn't make you ignorant. It makes them selfish.

I think I must have logged off the second you commented me last night lol

But yes, another sleepless night. And I hate people, too! More specifically, I hate ignorant, using, stupid people.

What happened? If you don't mind me asking.

You don't know about English education?

Well we leave school at the ae of 15/16, and go to college until we're 18 (choice), and then we go to uni, but we can move across the country for that (choice again).

I did an extra class in Photography and got an A. Booyah!

Advanced classes? Pah, they only 'look' good on your CV. If you can't back it up in real life, they're pointless! Ah I love the truth lol

I know - but I'm not going back to school... I'm going to college meeting lots of new people, doing new subjects, new places. Ahh, I hope the fun lasts.

Hey

Hows life?

Fair enough.

And I meant like... for example:

Alayna walked over to Visas and thought, I can't believe how horrible her clothes are

And I'm not sure I'd have to read it. Just... try to be 'unique' with your descriptions. It always attracts peoples attention.

ps. we have to pay for buses y'know! £3.70 to town and back, so it isn't better. ¬.¬

Haha - something tells me Mandalore in K2 isn't exactly as 'funny'.

I'm not looking forward to getting a car '

or a house for that matter.

Stupid prices.

But yes, a page and a half of mine is done. Have you put actual thoughts of the exile in, like HOP advised?

I guess so. The non-Jedi I usually took out was Mission. Canderous is much stronger.

And alright then. It's good to hear that your connection is better! Though when I'm on holiday I might come across similar problems.

Hmm, I use a simple word pad. 2500 words would be aproximately 3 and a half A4 pages. I guess that's why I freaked out when you said 20 pages, a while back. I thought you meant A4 lol

Oh yeah, and I've been keeping Canderous out with me, on K1, and he just said the most hilarious thing, to that woman who's obsessed with her droid on Dantooine - "hah, I guess that droid is really going to serve that woman, tonight."

Really? I can't really explain A4, but it's the same size as a standard piece of paper.

What are you using?