Jump to content

Home

Xbox Goddamn Live


Yufster

Recommended Posts

Can somebody please explain the Xbox to me? I'm getting one for christmas, to play Psychonauts. But I thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if I didn't just play Psychonauts, but also OTHER games, too!"

 

So I did a little bit of research and now I'm confused.

 

How do you connect to the internet with an Xbox? You need broadband, right? Can you just connect to your home broadband, or do you need some sort of Xbox Broadband. And do you have to pay for the live subscription?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Caller number 1... what's your problem?

 

Well bob, it's like this. I live in the back arse of nowhere, and we're not going to get broadband any time soon. That means Xbox Live is essentially useless to me! I'm making an educated guess you can't connect with a 56k modem connection, either! What the **** am I supposed to do, Bob?

 

Um, yes. Caller number 2!

 

Hi Bob. What, was this controller designed for giant Ape robots with assholes instead of hands? What the **** kind of marketing idea is this? Design controllers like ****, so people will buy the newer, more expensive controllers? **** you, Bob!

 

Caller number 3!

 

**** you, Bob!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have the X-box love it :) I kinda like the big controller at times but a lot of people had the same complaint so I believe it comes standard with the small one now. The Ethernet port (x box live thing) is pretty much like the modem on the Sega Dreamcast –useless.

 

which reminds me where is my free keyboard SEGA! Its been years and still no keyboard! I dont care if the system is now a paper weight I want my free keyboard!

 

Anyway you hook it up to a local network where you can play people locally on another x-box. Ive done that before with 3 x-boxes and a game of Halo :) but you most likely wont be doing any of that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN EIRCOM EMPLOYEE

Instigated by Rusalka Clarke.

 

 

 

GUY: Hello, Eircom Customer Support.

 

ME: No, my name is Salks.

 

GUY: ....How may I help you?

 

ME: I'd like broadband.

 

GUY: No problem. We now provide faster speed broadband with-

 

ME: Yes I know. That is why I am phoning you.

 

GUY: Okay. We also provide ASDL and---

 

ME: Just broadband, please.

 

GUY: Okay. No problem. Now there is a setup fee and--

 

ME: Just tell me what I have to do.

 

GUY: Okay. Where do you live?

 

ME: In Ireland.

 

GUY: Where in Ireland, though?

 

ME: Waterford.

 

GUY: Waterford... waterford... I'm just looking it up now on the

service map...

 

ME: See the way there's one little spot that says, "NO

BROADBAND?" That's me.

 

GUY: Whereabouts in Waterford?

 

ME: Piltown.

 

GUY: That's in Kilkenny.

 

ME: No, it's in waterford.

 

GUY: It's in South Kilkenny.

 

ME: Look, I just want---

 

GUY: Okay now we're using your phone number to test the---

 

ME: Yes. Yes. Yes. Uh huh. Yes.

 

GUY: Here we go! You... don't have Broadband available in your area.

 

ME: What?

 

GUY: It says here there are no lines installed.

 

ME: What about the lines you were installing last year?

 

GUY: We weren't installing lines last year.

 

ME: Yes you were. I phoned you, and I was told you were installing lines in the general Jamestown area, and I asked when they would be ready, and you said, "six months." And now it's a year, and I'm asking for Broadband, and you're saying, "What lines?" And I phoned every week after that as well to check how they were ****ing going and you kept ****ing saying, "Oh yeah, they're being laid"

 

GUY: That wasn't me.

 

ME: Well let me talk to whoever the hell it was!

 

GUY: Excuse me.

 

*click*

 

WOMAN: Hello?

 

ME: You're not the ****er I spoke to last time.

 

WOMAN: We're sorry we're unable to provide Broadband at the present. However, we have looked up other services available in your area, and we do have a new package you may be interested in. It's slightly faster than a 56k connection but---

 

ME: I don't want dailup. I want my mother****ing broadband, you whore. Quit offering me your other **** packages because---

 

 

She hung up. What kind of customer service is that?

 

ME: Hi. My name is Susan Longstocking, and I'm phoning about broadband access.

 

(different)GUY: Okay susan. Where do you live?

 

ME: South Kilkenny. Piltown.

 

GUY: Okay.... we don't actually have lines there at the moment, but we are in the process of installing them. We can offer you some of our other packa---

 

ME: Oh, good, so the other two where just mother****ing liars after all?

 

GUY: ....Uhh.....

 

ME: When will they be finished?

 

GUY: You'll have broadband access in about 6 months. Until then, may I suggest our other service, which is---

 

ME: Is 6 months the new term for TWO ****ING YEARS? Because you said that two ****ing years ago, too. Do you remember telling me that two ****ing years ago? And then again, a year and a half ago? And then again, a year ago? And AGAIN, six months ago? AND JUST ****ING NOW.

 

GUY: That wasn't me.

 

ME: Then who the **** keeps ****ing lying to me!? What the ****?!

 

*click*

 

 

 

 

ME: Hi, my name is Mary, and I'm phoning to inquire about the availability of Broadband in the Piltown area, south Kilkenny.

 

GUY: ta da da da... let's see... We don't provide access in that area.

 

ME: Are you planning to lay lines here?

 

GUY: There are no plans at the present. We can offer you our other packages though, which are faster and more---

 

ME: Who told you that?

 

GUY: What?

 

ME: Who told you there were no plans to lay lines?

 

GUY: Well it says there are no development plans right here....

 

ME: So, let me get this straight. There are no development plans for the lines that are currently being developed in the development scheme that plans to develop in Piltown the lines which are in actual fact not being developed because there is no development schemes for the lines being developed in question?

 

GUY: We're not laying lines in Piltown. But we can offer you some of our other packages, which I think you'll find--

 

ME: **** you, you mother****ing whore.

 

*click*

 

 

I feel no remorse. Sure, they're only doing their job. And their job, apparently, is ****ing lying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I rarely ever get that angry, except they have persistently lied to me for two years straight, and they have this big ad in the papers that's a lie as well: EIRCOM, broadband access throughout Ireland. When what it SHOULD say is, EIRCOM, repeated liars and cheats, or maybe even EIRCOM: Broadband access occasionally. Or EIRCOM, Broadband Access if you live in Dublin or Cork. Or, EIRCOM, Broadband Access for 2% of the population. Or EIRCOM: One Company, One Choice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...