Clefo Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 Classic stuff: Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 14 Dearest John, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised. With deepest love and affection, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 15 Dearest John, Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves! I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They’re just adorable! All my love, Agnes 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 16 Dearest John, Oh, aren’t you extravagant! Now I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity – three French Hens! They are just darling, but I must insist – you’ve been too kind! Love, Agnes 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 17 Dear John, Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful – but don’t you think enough is enough. You’re being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 18 Dear John, What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings – one for every finger. You’re just impossible – but I love it! Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves. All my love, Agnes 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 19 Dear John, When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps! So you’re back to the birds again, huh! Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket……..PLEASE STOP…! Cordially, Agnes 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 20 John, What’s with you and those ****ing birds? Seven swans a-swimming! What kind of God damned joke is this? There’s bird **** all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can’t sleep at night and I’m a nervous wreck! It’s not funny. So stop with those ****ing birds! Sincerely, Agnes 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 21 OK Buster! I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It’s enough with all these birds and eight maids a-milking but they had to bring their God-damned cows! There’s **** all over the lawn and I can’t move in my own house! Just lay off me, smart ass! Agnes 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 22 Hey, ****head! What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there’s nine pipers playing! And Christ, do they play! They’ve never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they’re stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me! You’ll get yours, Agnes 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 23 You rotten prick! Now there’s ten ladies dancing! I don’t know why I call those sluts ladies! They’ve been balling those pipers all night long! Now the cows can’t sleep and they’ve got the diarrhea. My livingroom is a river of ****! They Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn’t be condemned! I’m siccing the police on you! One who means it… 69 Cash Way Beaver Valley, Colorado Dec. 24 Listen, ****head! What’s with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies!? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows! All 23 birds are dead! They’ve been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you’re satisfied, you rotten vicious swine! Your sworn enemy! Agnes Law Office Badger Bengaraw 303 Kave Street Chicago, Illinois December 25 Dear Sir, This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitariam, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find a warrant for your arrest. Cordially, Dick Badger, Attorney At Law Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 they gots it wrong: *thinks back to remember all of them* a partrage and pear tree 2 turtle doves 3 french hens 4 calling birds 5 golden rings 6 geese a-laying 7 swans a-swimming 8 aids a-milking 9 ladies dancing 10 lords a-leaping 11 pipers piping 12 drummers drumming I think thats what they all are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 IG, I think there is mucho versions...I know I've heard a million... anyway. *claps* Hilarity in a can. Me likes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 Mine's the originall! But whatever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artoo Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 Where'd you find? The obvious holiday parody is what makes it wonderful... all you gotta do is imagine Lewis Black or Sinbad giving the delivery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 Originally posted by Artoo Where'd you find? The obvious holiday parody is what makes it wonderful... all you gotta do is imagine Lewis Black or Sinbad giving the delivery. ... Miss Agnes McHolstein.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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