Smon Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Ma-ti: Darth Vader lend your assistance! DarthVader:K... 1, 2, 3... Ma-ti & Darth Vader:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*splodes* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent-Sarah Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Ew...Now I have to clean up the place! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smon Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Naw, that what Gi is for, Gi:I signed the deal, thinking it wouldn't occur, "in the event of Ma-ti's simultaneous death with Darth Vader, Gi must clean it up" WATER! *all the parts drain into the sewers* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Hello still can't upload the chapters to my story so if anyone has any experience in mediaminer help is truly appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smon Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Ask Zetz Darke, he has his fics on MediaMiner... hehe... "dude that glasses guy is her EYELESS ZOMBIE SLAVE!" He would probably know... Quami:What happened to Ma-Ti? Smon:YOU GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE WITH THE REST OF EM! Wheeler:We'll get out! Smon:Not without your precious monkey... you won't risk anything. Quami:Grrr... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent-Sarah Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Speaking of Sasha and Milla, I've been doing some drawings of them before I came across this message board. I hope you like them. http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/21924800/ http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22124666/ http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22431638/ http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22703131/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smon Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Well, time to review them, 1:Very good, except... he looks like spock.... O.O 2:The second is perfect. 3:I've seen it before,(did a search once) and it made me laugh. Mission accomplished! 4:Good except Milla looks a little... unnatural.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent-Sarah Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Well, time to review them, 1:Very good, except... he looks like spock.... O.O 2:The second is perfect. 3:I've seen it before,(did a search once) and it made me laugh. Mission accomplished! 4:Good except Milla looks a little... unnatural.... 1. I know. I was trying to do semi-realism. 2. Thanks. 3. I'm glad I made you laugh. 4. I'm still working on her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smon Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Oh I see... well then you pulled it off! Congratz! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Ask Zetz Darke, he has his fics on MediaMiner... hehe... "dude that glasses guy is her EYELESS ZOMBIE SLAVE!" He would probably know... Quami:What happened to Ma-Ti? Smon:YOU GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE WITH THE REST OF EM! Wheeler:We'll get out! Smon:Not without your precious monkey... you won't risk anything. Quami:Grrr... Not the monkey! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Watchoo be talking bout? You dissin my story? I diss you, sucka! *smack* ...plus I have NO idea what is going on or what you guys are talknig about. (Secretly, I'm assuming you liked my story. That's good.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Sasha is a boys name in several countries. ...although my siblings and I already discussed a dress... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Naw, that what Gi is for, Gi:I signed the deal, thinking it wouldn't occur, "in the event of Ma-ti's simultaneous death with Darth Vader, Gi must clean it up" WATER! *all the parts drain into the sewers* Who was that punk from New York? The fire one. I hate him. A lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smon Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 I watched this show a lot as a kid, their names were: Wheeler:Fire Quami:Earth Gi:Water ...russian girl?:Wind Ma-ti:Heart Gaia Captain Planet Darth Vader Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinzuku Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Sasha is a boys name in several countries. ...although my siblings and I already discussed a dress... you're going to put sasha in a dress? actually, that would make a good picture. it's kind of creepy though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinzuku Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 i drew a couple of pictures if you haven't seen them already http://shinzuku.deviantart.com/ this picture is best http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22583762/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smon Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 The best one is pretty good, but with scans I recommend either coloring them or retracing them with a computer program like Flash or Photoshop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 you're going to put sasha in a dress? actually, that would make a good picture. it's kind of creepy though NO. I would NEVER put him in a dress. EVER. Because I can't find any fabric that matches his skin tone. (...it would be quite creepy...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 I found this excellent picture of sasha and milla, take a look! http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/19459091/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 I love that picture! So... accurate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetz Darke Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 Speaking of Sasha and Milla, I've been doing some drawings of them before I came across this message board. I hope you like them. http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/21924800/ http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22124666/ http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22431638/ http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/22703131/ Haha, I've seen these on deviant art already. There really good, I like them. I'll have to add you to my friends list so I can remember to comment on them and keep up with your work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent-Sarah Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Haha, I've seen these on deviant art already. There really good, I like them. I'll have to add you to my friends list so I can remember to comment on them and keep up with your work. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 I've uploaded my story at fanart central instead. Tnx to Zetz Darke for his advice! here's the link and chapter 2 is coming soon.(I hope...) http://www.fanart-central.net/stories.php?sid=20327&chapter=1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetz Darke Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 I've uploaded my story at fanart central instead. Tnx to Zetz Darke for his advice! here's the link and chapter 2 is coming soon.(I hope...) http://www.fanart-central.net/stories.php?sid=20327&chapter=1 *Blush* I'm uh...I'm female. Sigh...ah wounded pride. ^^ I'm thinking of switching all of the fics on my website to Fanart Central. The formatting is SO much better. (>.< I think I've given up on Fanfiction.net.) I'll tell you how much I adore your story as soon as I have time to read it...at the moment I'm quite busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smon Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 Just read it, very good! Though you may want to put more then just a font change when Sasha snaps out of it, I was stuck on that part for a few seconds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klia Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 Fanart Central is the Pit of Voles as I call it. This is where most of the crapart and crapfiction reside. Not to say that I haven't met some amazing artists there but jeez, it gets pretty bad. I like DeviantArt better. Also if you don't like fanfiction I reccomend Oxytocin and thornytowers for Psychonauts fanfiction posting. On to the reviewing. Jazz music erupted from the bandstand in a luscious garden of a gothic mansion as a party took place This is worded a little strangely. I would suggest seperating the mansion and the music. First we start off hearing music at a bandstand...reel back to mansion..to party. This is a little choppy but still a great start. Prominent government and political figures, even the president went around mingling to the beat of a music. This is worded strange also. The reader is concentrated on the political figures as you have started the setence off describing them. The second sentence combines two ideas that should be placed in a different sentence as I almost read the second part of that setence to be a description of the policical figures making the next paragraph confusing to me. Vice-President Raymond Marshall gazed at the crowd in a secluded balcony in the mansion overlooking the garden as he sipped from a wine glass A little choppy. He gazes at the crowd IN a secluded balcony IN the mansion...AS. This makes for a lot of action to take up in the space of a sentence. “Soon, all of you won't have the brains to even manage a sentence let alone the entire country! Then I will be next in line to rule! I'll appoint officials sympathetic to me and be top dog!” he thought ruefully then added an evil laugh. When I started to read this I was confused as to who was talking until I got to the end. I would also suggest sharing about how he was thinking in the paragraph I reviewed aka "terminated" above. %$#&...to gargle This doesn't add much and I would suggest to taking the curse word and gargle part out. (A lot of suggestions huh?) Nearby two people are preparing to enter the party as they added the finishing touches to their attire This suddenly changes tenses and is confusing. A good start but needs a few touch-ups. Thank you for allowing me to review such a wonderful story that has potential to be one of the better Psychonauts fanfiction. (I believe I have reviewd two stories that I thought had a lot of potential to be the best.) Also, thanks for allowing me to work upon my editing skills. Lastly, remember you don't have to do all of this. They are really just suggestions in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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