Purple Squid Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 *Blush* I'm uh...I'm female. Sigh...ah wounded pride. ^^ I'm thinking of switching all of the fics on my website to Fanart Central. The formatting is SO much better. (>.< I think I've given up on Fanfiction.net.) I'll tell you how much I adore your story as soon as I have time to read it...at the moment I'm quite busy. NOOOOO. NOT THERE. NOOOOOO. Does the format matter? Psych-fiction is fantastic no matter how ugly the format is, foo! I knew you were a girl, homie. I saw your picta' on your bio. (vurry pretty. Love your eyes.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetz Darke Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 NOOOOO. NOT THERE. NOOOOOO. Does the format matter? Psych-fiction is fantastic no matter how ugly the format is, foo! I knew you were a girl, homie. I saw your picta' on your bio. (vurry pretty. Love your eyes.) Hehe, thanx. Yea, I know it doesn't matter...it's just sort of annoying having to put all of those spaces in between paragraphs. (It really is a pity FF.Net is evil and lets sections like Ping Pong, Tetris and Solitaire in but not Psychonauts when I ask for it...and email them several times...sounding more and more irritated each time I do...stupid ff.net.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 Hehe, thanx. Yea, I know it doesn't matter...it's just sort of annoying having to put all of those spaces in between paragraphs. (It really is a pity FF.Net is evil and lets sections like Ping Pong, Tetris and Solitaire in but not Psychonauts when I ask for it...and email them several times...sounding more and more irritated each time I do...stupid ff.net.) Besides, there's too mch stuff there. How do you filter out the crap? You don't, that's what. And it turns into FF.NET. And then it goes around being a total game-ist, and hating psychic people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 SORRY ZETS-DARKE! Youre user name sounded like a boy... So Sorry! Anyway its my first fic so I'll try to fix that spacing and the do more than font changes for flashbacks. I really thought the prologue sucked from the start so thanx to Kila for telling me what exactly was wrong with it now i have an excuse to edit it a bit without confusing everyone about the sudden changes! hehe! Though I did like what I did with chapter 1, typing chapter 2 and am still trying to brainstorm for chapter 3... I was thinking of sending them to each others minds for a change(I'm giving out the story! :-p)...But I'm still not quite sure...Tnx for the comments! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klia Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 SORRY ZETS-DARKE! Youre user name sounded like a boy... So Sorry! Anyway its my first fic so I'll try to fix that spacing and the do more than font changes for flashbacks. I really thought the prologue sucked from the start so thanx to Kila for telling me what exactly was wrong with it now i have an excuse to edit it a bit without confusing everyone about the sudden changes! hehe! Though I did like what I did with chapter 1, typing chapter 2 and am still trying to brainstorm for chapter 3... I was thinking of sending them to each others minds for a change(I'm giving out the story! :-p)...But I'm still not quite sure...Tnx for the comments! Your welcome. It is a really good idea. (I have trouble writing new characters and Sasha and Milla.) *Here lies the body of something that was once witty* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 Chapter 2 is done hope you guys like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 Chapter 2 is done hope you guys like it. Excellent/Fantasmical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klia Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 Heh. I'm just reviewing Chapter 1. It's excellent and superb except in a few places. But I seriously was blown away by how in character they were in. The only issues I have is this. yada yada... soo predictable…” This is really hard for me to imagine Milla saying this. The whole dialouge sounds a little bit too percise for here to be saying as I found her dialouge to be a lot more general. “Correct” interjected Sasha. “Are you ready?” as his cigarette lost its flame and flicked away. The as his cigarette part needs to be placed in with the interjected Sasha. as they hopped into a flashy red sports car and drove off to their mission Milla's dialouge is spot on. However this reads too vauge as it goes from a specific moment of time, her talking, to an extended moment of time, them driving off, in one sentence. They arrived at the man a few minutes later. The guards at the entrance asked for their identification. Try to add some senseory words so the readers get a feel of where they are. No that doesn't mean making them taste things, and you don't have to do all five. But it would help to describe a bit by sharing. Basically showing not telling. You are very good with dialouge and Sasha is again greatly expressed. However your transition lines need a bit of work. The guards checked then checked their I.D. This is worded strangely and rips the reader away. as the guards flagged the car towards the entrance. Take away the as and it will be fine. Or they speculated as... Something along those lines. He thought of the pitiful lives they're in. Why would he suddenly think of the pitiful lives he is in? Also the sentence makes it seem as if he is two people. It's not that it isn't a good idea. It just needs to flow better. Sasha walked into Psychonauts headquarters for the first time. He marched up to its lobby. He tried his best to conceal his excitement amid the hustle and bustle. He then saw a burly looking man holding a bunch of papers He walked up the stairs. He saw a man. He waved hi. These sentences are a little too short and choppy making the flow strange once again. When Sasha opened his mouth to say something Milla was for once actually hoping he would say something meaningful but what came out was “There, we should be able to get inside the mansion and find the vice-president before he does any real damage.” He pointed into a set of double doors. Milla nodded remorsefully as they walked away from the crowd, turned themselves invisible then slowly opened the doors and crept up inside. Best segment ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Oh, it was meant to be like that I always wanted to have a suddden change of pace when writing, keeps people from being bored by reading overly long details! Hope you don't take it against me! The guard thing was just a typographical error. Tnx for noticing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klia Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Oh, it was meant to be like that I always wanted to have a suddden change of pace when writing, keeps people from being bored by reading overly long details! Hope you don't take it against me! The guard thing was typographical error. Tnx for noticing I don't take anything against you. This is your story I just am saying my opinion. A lot of people think different things. I like editing. It keeps my brain resourceful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Resourceful....ooookay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klia Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Resourceful....ooookay. I need to call on Vocabular now don't I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Vocabulor might eat everyone. I did it well. Good night. I always get mixed up. And I have a splinter in my thumb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 You know...if someone who hasn't read my fanfiction go to this post it'll totally spoil my story... :-p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Seriously, Psychoporn. Put spoiler tags on, lest I have this spoiler censoring eel eat your soul. And I'd hate to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klia Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Vocabulor might eat everyone. I did it well. Good night. I always get mixed up. And I have a splinter in my thumb. That did take me a while to figure out. It made me learn that the English language sucks in terms of grammer. Seriously, Psychoporn. Put spoiler tags on, lest I have this spoiler censoring eel eat your soul. And I'd hate to do that. If only to have my sould still intact will I listen to your request. I'm having it sold on E-bay for three bucks and they're still betting on it. It's 11:00. One more hour and I get to show you all the Fred's thong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipmunkrfuzzy Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 or if you have any comments that would probably spoil the story(for those who just can't resist highlighting those spoiler tags...) send a private message to me! I'll reply faster! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 WOO! Thong! WHOOOO! I have no idea what you're talking about! But I'm so excited! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klia Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 WOO! Thong! WHOOOO! I have no idea what you're talking about! But I'm so excited! If you get too excited then it won't be exciting. Put your hopes down. Crush them and give me 20 soldier! Why does any army comment suddenly sound like Coach Oleander's saying it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 D: Uhohsigaveyou30. Because he's awesome and he pretty much says every military command you'd want to say in the game. Okay. Not excited anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinzuku Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 This thread is way off topic. It's so cool. Random Question: Hey If you used Clairavoyance on Milla, How do you think Sasha would look? Like through her eyes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smon Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 Off topic? OFF TOPIC?!?!!? Dude, if mighty God-blor didn't instate me as Vocabulor I would've taken up a position of Loki the Chaos God. (its pretty chaotic to have a real god name in that weird list) So don't tell me about OFF TOPIC. Ever survive a TGTTM hate war on the [AS]Forums? *shudders* I am a forum refugee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 This thread is way off topic. It's so cool. Random Question: Hey If you used Clairavoyance on Milla, How do you think Sasha would look? Like through her eyes? HOTNESS. I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Squid Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 God-blor sounds like a monster in a Godzilla movie. Hey, Vocabulor. Are you related to Webster? Because if you were 100 feet tall and battled him that would be awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinzuku Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 Off topic? OFF TOPIC?!?!!? Dude, if mighty God-blor didn't instate me as Vocabulor I would've taken up a position of Loki the Chaos God. (its pretty chaotic to have a real god name in that weird list) So don't tell me about OFF TOPIC. Ever survive a TGTTM hate war on the [AS]Forums? *shudders* I am a forum refugee. *cries* well i don't need you. i'll make my own thread. ..... see you tommorrow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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