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Things that they would never say


shinzuku

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Walt was probably entombed in a vault of Disney paraphernalia. As for Mr. Rogers, I'd say a quiet graveyard is the sort of thing he would have wanted. Must have been a huge service. Think of the guest list: all those people wanting to pay their respects.

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That's not the news I'm talking about. Mr. Rogers scared me. I made friends with a guy, a cute guy, who goes to my school, and I really hope he likes me too. Even though, he's a total ladies man. Backstage at the christmas program, before our solo, all the chicks were talking to him. He makes me forget about what's-his-name.

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  • 5 months later...

Dogen: HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Die, everyone, die! How I LOVE exploding your heads! HAHAHAHAAAAAA!

 

Vernon: How did my sinuses get cleared? It's a long story...but I won't bore you with it.

 

Sasha: Milla, I cannot deny my feelings for you anymore. You make my manhood tremble. I WANT YOU!

Milla: Screw you, Nein. I've got a new man in my life who's ten times the man you'll ever be...and his name is Caligosto.

 

Lili: Raz, you've got to do something!

Raz: Forget it. Being a Psychonaut sucks. I'm going back to the circus. But don't worry, I called in one of my old friends to save the day. His name's D'Artagnan. [cell phone rings] Yeah? Dart? You can't make it? Oh, you suck. [hangs up] Dart can't make it...but don't worry. I'll call in another old friend of mine, who's a schizophrenic ostrich.

 

Evil Dad: I hate psychics! I wish my psychic son was never born!

Good Dad: I must say, he IS a real bad seed. I remember all those times he started fires in the caravan whenever he was bored, or when he used telekinesis to draw on the wall without touching a crayon, or when he hid in my room, invisible, while my wife and I were making out, then yelled outside, "MY MOMMY AND DADDY ARE MAKING KISSY-FACE!" What a little bastard.

Evil Dad: Hey, why don't we talk about him some more over coffee?

Good Dad: Sure. But first I have to try and kill him again, without making it LOOK like I'm trying to kill him.

 

 

 

Rain Woman

 

"Looks like they'll be 'dragon' your ass outta here!"

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