Emalin Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Much obliged, machievelli. Yes, it's been a long time. I just got back into the KOTOR series again, and I would love to produce more work in the future - if/when I can find the time. Good to know you're still reviewing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Thank you mach for your review. I do tend to put a lot of cultural tidbits in there and that is probably with my obsession with multiculturalism and I wanted to try an emphasize that just because you live with a people all you life doesn't mean you know everything. I will say this though when I wrote it, I had just finished seeing my holiday favorite The Little Drummer Boy so I had much of the traditional stories on my brain plus some facts about Yule and ideas about the dead. Thanks again mach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center The story of Revan Darius Kreia001 No specific era given, though probably after ROTS: The son of a Bounty Hunter sets out on an adventure. The piece is fast paced, and that is part of the problem; you go from sixteen watching his father die, to waking up on a ship with nothing intervening. The only character that has any depth is the father. Slow down a tad. Draw the story out more. Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: The Shadow Empire Kreia001 Three years post TSL: Remember conversation breaks. Also, the word would be lay or lie, not lied. That isn't caught by a spellchecker Again, as I said above, you're pushing the pace. What I have seen so far is good, but I feel it could have been about five pages longer. Zero-Sum Game Tysyacha Post TSL: A new class of Jedi train on Coruscant, and young love begins to flower. The piece is sheer Tysyacha, with all the flair she usually shows. Waiting for more. kotorfanmedia Displacement In The Old Republic, Chapter 1--- CPunchMaster KOTOR on Taris: An extra person is added to the mix The author added the character so smoothly that it would have fit perfectly. The only thing I wondered about was how long before KOTOR does start? He was pre-positioned perfectly. The Gizka Problem Crystal001 KOTOR on Korriban: The Pied Piper of Korriban? The piece was funny in that I don't think anyone else would have considered this option. Sort of like the Trouble with Tribbles when they beamed the entire lot of them onto the Klingon ship. As the Fires Blaze Far Pre- KOTOR: What if they had not tried to redeem Revan? The piece is good from the introspection point of view. You have the clumsy miner who you know is Revan, dreaming of being a great warrior, and the council still discussing why they did what they did. Escape LordRevan KOTOR on Dantooine: Reaching out in friendship makes Sasha escape from her torment I loved the piece because most see Sasha as just the side quest they made for her. In my own work I made Sasha part of the team. Pick of the Week Brejik's Cleverness Crystal001 KOTOR on Taris Alternate Universe: The Swoop Bike race ends tragically I love an author willing to tweak the story this much. It throws the entire story completely out of kilter, meaning someone else will have to become the hero(ine). Pick of the Week Part 1: The Endar Spire/upper Taris Crystal001 KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: A retelling of the beginning The piece starts well before the attack, laying the ground work for the reactions of the characters. My favorite line is the end considering the piece before it. Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net A Sisters Empathy Eaving1989 Eight years Post KOTOR: The heroines return, but we're only sure of one happy ending. The piece is well laid out, the angst of returning to the unknown well portrayed. The counterpoint of one happy ending with the other still up in the air perfect. Pick of the Week Coming Together Helena L KOTOR on Dantooine: What do our heroes want from the future? The piece is basically a generic retelling, but there is added depth to Jacob (Revan) and Bastila. KotOR III The Lost Ones Childe At Heart Post TSL: Bastila sets out to track down the crew from TSL, with only two options on who to contact The piece was too short to get more than an idea of where to go. Don't let that disturb you, however, I just did not have the time to read more than the first portion, and there are 30+ more chapters... Bring Me to Life Roach4 Life KOTOR Probably after Leviathan: The song by Evanescence is used for a song-fic The song is one of my favorites in the last decade, and the thoughts flooding their minds fit the song perfectly. Pick of the Week Consequences Iluvbaodur Post KOTOR: The Exile struggles with memories and the feeling that the force might be returning. The piece flows well, the character fighting the memories and feelings. Nightmares CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR Revan is driven by her nightmares Technical note: January is tied to the Roman Empire, violating the 'Long ago in a Galaxy Far, Far away' of George Lucas. Also, the time you're using appears to be standard, meaning you are setting it on a planet with exactly the same as our own 24 hours. Both minor. That said, I loved it. Revan falling back into the dark, but holding her friends safe by escaping, only to be hunted down by those same friends. Very tragic. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Running way late this week, sorry. Coruscant Entertainment Center Zero-Sum Game: Ch. 1 Interlude Tysyacha Post KOTOR: The race for the Grand master post heats up The piece is up to Tys' usual stand meaning its a fun read. The characters are a lot of fun to witness, and the situation is fun as well. Fanfiction.net KotoR I Duel of the Fates The Black Dragon Ranger KOTOR: The climactic battle The word is dying, not dieing. The piece is confusing because you see it just as the typical fight for Sith seniority until the end. Lessons Learned Zerbinetta Post TSL: A quick course in becoming a Jedi... Yeah, right The piece is light and amusing. The Exile comes across as 'it's easy', and the ending line was just too much fun. KOTOR The Jedi Civil War Lexington's Hammer KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The adventure begins It would be fight(er) pilot, not fight pilot. Technical note: Melee is a form of combat. A melee weapons is anything you can hold to hit your opponent. Go to http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164363&page=2 post #45 where I explain it. The piece is a generic rendition of the fight aboard Endar Spire with no surprises. Danger Beyond Vader Typewriter King Post ANH: The Warlord art of negotiation The piece is bland and needs punching up. The one battle is confused. Discarded KOTOR scene 5872 Crazyocelot KOTOR on Manaan: A fan-fic author has it out with the uncooperative characters The piece starts out normal, then collapses into farce as characters arrive who are not supposed to be there, revealing parts of the back plot, arguing over what should of happened and what they think they want. The poor author is caught in the middle, the fractious characters complaining when they don't get their way. Finally the author just throws his hands up in disgust and leaves. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia Sage Advice PlutoSpawn Post TSL: An unlikely group decides to follow the Exile into the unknown The piece is fun in it's owen way, just a few people ducking the victory party, it would seem, but their motive are suspect. By the end you have the Disciple, Mission, Jolee and Zaalbar off on their own expedition to find Revan. Pick of the week What Possible FutureVanillaLatte KOTOR on the Unknown Planet: Which future will ring true? The piece is a well wrought nightmare of what could have happened from that point on. The author kept a lot of people alive who would have died in a dark side ending, but that didn't save them from eventually dying anyway. Pick of the week The show Must go on Arrow Post KOTOR on Coruscant: Dustil spends a night celebrating an anniversary The piece is interesting in that Dustil's entire evening is disjointed until the very end. His sadness paints the scene even when he is taking the girl to bed, and the end is poignant in giving us a reason for what he has done. The Hidden Stash The Disciple KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: It's really bad with tach glands added. The piece is funny because you just know Jolee is a moonshiner at heart. The characters slip as the dreams begin, Saul apologizing for bombing Teloe, and Carth accepting it was bizarre. Killing Princess Artemis KOTOR aboard Leviathan: Visions while in pain The piece is confusing as most nightmare are. The warning not to kill 'her' is interesting, the other speaker, obviously his late wife warning him not to harm Revan Bastila's Ambition Joysweeper Pre KOTOR: Who created Revan's new Personna? The piece starts disjointed, someone working frantically to save a life. By the end you feel loathing for Bastila, someone willing to destroy a mind to save the universe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Zero-Sum Game: Ch. 2 Tysyacha Post KOTOR: There is always time for a prank... Like all of Tys' stuff, this was well done. Reprogramming a droid to act as comic relief was fun and the snap choice of who would give the lecture instead a riot. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia Lost Jedi chapter 1 Aftermath Darth Red Head Post TSL: The Exile deals with the loss of Atton, and the future The piece is well done and the feeling and voice of each character is distinct and clear. The angst felt by not only the main character but all who journey with her comes through like a carillon of bells. The ending, with another dark fate on the horizon is very well done. Technical note: It is a common problem for people to use common words landsmen would use but applying them to ship areas. Please read the website below Ship nomenclature, or; It's not a door, it's a hatch blast it! Machievelli for the correct terms. Pick of the Week Rogue Lady-Rogue Jedi RogueLadySabyne Post KOTOR: Revan deals with the death of her mother. RLS has always turned out quality work, and this is no exception. The ritual of cutting her hair to leave on her mother's grave fits with her anger at the Council. Pick of the Week Past Mistakes; Prologue Nivenus Post KOTOR: Dustil's training under of all people, Jolee It should be take over (Present tense) rather than took (Past tense) The piece flowed well, and Dustil's rationalization of why his renewed attack perfectly done. Fearless RC773 KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: The death and soon to be rebirth of Trask Ulgo. You left a word out 'you (into) a monster'. The piece flowed well, and one reviewers comment was welcome, since there are few Trask stories out there Bastila's Touch Joysweeper Pre KOTOR: Bastila's thoughts on what has been done to Revan The piece is a clear concise rendition of how Revan becomes the main character. The specifications are tight, and you can follow step by step what had been done to mold the nascent mind. Alive Chapter 1-Hunters Kagi Vayun Pre KOTOR: With Revan dead (He thinks) Bastila is now the primary target The piece has a smooth flow and the bounty hunter chosen is perfect for the job. Fanfiction.net The Jedi and the Jacket Woman of Rohan Post KOTOR: A man and his jacket... The piece is thoroughly delightful. It reminds me of a commercial from the 70s when a woman is traipsing around in her boyfriend's shirt, accepting a call and blithely answers, 'Oh, I was just thinking about you'. Worth every second of the read. Pick of the Week KOTOR II Retold N-Android Pre TSL: A paid of Jedi prepare to go on their adventure. Should be console instead of council Also 'you're (You are) rather than your (Possessive). Also through (past) rather than threw (hurled) and deleted rather than deleated. Also off instead of speaking of signs of life. Also the body lay, not lied, and the woman was calm (relaxed) not clam (Shellfish). Didn't have a chance to read beyond chapter 1, but that was enough to know it is quality work. Pick of the Week The Leviathan CortessaBlatt It's thrashed instead of trashed. The scene is well laid out, the Sith merely continuing the torment because they were ordered to. Darkness Setre No specific era given: What you must do as a Sith. The piece is cold and hard. If you have read the Extended Universe, you will remember Iron Fist, where Republic warriors pretending to be mercenaries are given the choice to kill a captured agent. The difference is that there is no timer pretending the man is alive; it is three children killed because 'they will come back to attack when they get older'. Mirrored Paths Jakia TSL on Peragus: The twin Jedi go their opposite ways to carry out the same mission. The piece is well laid out, the separate Jedi complementing each other . The Night She Left Trillian4210 Post KOTOR: Neither spoke of it... Until it was too late The piece is excellent!. You have two point of views (You need to work in a break there, kid) with Revan breaking down because of her own ghosts, followed by Carth exploding when he discovers her gone. You want to bitch-slap both of them because they aren't thinking about the partner. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 If there is anyone even remotely interested, I finally found provenance that Revan was a man, so I have rewritten my KOTOR novel. Now have to go to my TSL and make the changes there. Grumble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 Fanfiction.net Juhani Cant Fly CortessaBlatt Sometime during the aftermath of KOTOR: A confused look at an emergency The piece is irreverent, and amusing in turns. Two different crew members suggesting spaying Juhani made it even more confusing. Dark Lord Tea Party CortessaBlatt Not linked as such to KOTOR: When you're the heavy, sometimes you have to hang with the same type of people. The villains are nothing if not amusing. Sauron running around in an apron, Voldemort complaining that the opponent that had bested him was almost 2. Early Morning Rendezvous CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR on Manaan: A secret assignation. The piece was supposed to be a fluff piece, but turned out way too serious. The angst was well done, and Jolee looking for a bowl of popcorn was just icing on the cake. Pick of the Week An Unwelcome Recollection Crazyocelot Post KOTOR on Coruscant: Revan talks with Jolee about their first meeting on Kashyyk The piece carries an intersting view because people tend to forget Jolee must have seen them on Kashyyk when they came through the first time. His characterization of Malak being not only weak but probably a coward was I feel a bit harsh. The Darth Malak Redemption Malak Gam Several centuries Post KOTOR: The son of a cloned Darth Malak is raised among the Jedi Remember conversation breaks. It's Echani, not echini. If this is supposed to be the Yoda from the series you're not talking a few centuries, you're speaking over three millennia Touching Humanity CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR: Carth won't take no for an answer The piece is smooth and at the same time ragged. The idea that they would have littered the plains of Dantooine with statues of Bastila among others. Having Carth almost drag Revan into his room to have his way with her. kotorfanmedia Toys Elena Post TSL: Revan would have decided to pick such a boring place to hide. The piece is cute in that the Exile is so ticked off, it's surprising she wasn't alone when she arrived. Fragments of Rebellion Katara Ironarm KOTOR on the unknown planet: Bastila plots regaining her love The piece is well done, if a bit fragmented. He Watches Falnangl9124 KOTOR en route to Korriban: Carth has to take...matters in hand. The piece is fun because being my age, I remember many times where I have refused to flirt with a woman because of the age difference. Like Carth here, I have been blindsided by those younger women. Pick of the Week Visions Noneko KOTOR on the unknown planet: Bastila gives Revan visions of what can be The piece is excellent, Revan seeing all the things he could do if he returned to leadership of the Sith. It is sort of what you might from the bible story where Jesus is offered the world. Nothing left to lose AWilson KOTOR aboard Leviathan: Carth discovers he still has things to lose. The confrontation between Carth and Karath is little seen in these pages, yet this is a well wrought piece because even as he is dying, Karath can't resist getting in a few more digs, The idea that he told Malak that there was a Jedi Academy on Telos is funny considering where Atris chose to set up hers. Falsities Elena A series of vignettes: Maybe Elena meant plot gizka It's an interesting ensemble; Juhani as a bounty hunter working for Kang, Mira as Canderous' daughter, Bao-Dur in charge of Endar Spire instead of Carth Onasi among others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 After three months of job hunting I need a break. Will post my next review in a week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 I took a week off because I have been worrying that I would be on the street in a week, and have sold off a lot of my library of books and DVDs just assure I would still have an apartment next month. But I was able to cobble enough finances together to keep my home, and as of Monday, I;m working again, so a big load came off my shoulders. In return for your kind forebearance I extended the normal article from twelve to 16 entries this week. Coruscant Entertainment Center Dreading the Indifference Revan Sama KOTOR pre Star Forge: Revan contemplates facing the woman he loves, whether to redeem or kill... Should be defeat instead of defeated,thought instead of though. Revan Sama turns out first class work, and this is no exception. Palpy Darth Vada Post Battle of Endor: A clone of the Emperor decides to get tough The piece is confusing and a bit irreverent. Having lived as long as I have, and seeing some of the whack-jobs that had been leaders of governments, it was a nostalgic look into the past for me Fanfiction.net Confrontation Akemi Haruka KOTOR On the unnamed planet: Bastila considers her relationship with Revan as their confrontation approaches. Well written, all of Bastila's emotions are there in view. Pick of the week Korriban L Long KOTOR en route to Korriban: As Malak begins tormenting Bastila, Revan arrives on Korriban The piece flowed very well, moving from Bastila's predicament to Revan's considering the situation. Guilt Daemonetta19 Ebon Hawk no specific time given: Anger leads to a conflict, then to intimacies. The piece was well done, it might be a first work, but it is good as it sits. Glitter and Glass CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR on Coruscant: A rainy evening brings up old memories The piece is called crappy by the author, but I do not agree. Everyone needs downtime, and creating a slice of placid life fits the bill. Impure Pazaak Woman of Rohan TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile play by Nar Shaddaa rules, and get more than they bargained for. The piece is light and amusing, with each player first ascendant, then in despair. The denouement, everything off and scattered, and the reaction of the crew to such things was too choice for words. Pick of the Week Untitled Amme Moto Post KOTOR: Carth Canderous and Revan settle down, but not as you might think... The piece flows well, Revan and Canderous as parents was so much fun, and the twins a riot. Stupid Mical FeeldaForce TSL en route to Nar Shaddaa: A stolen kiss. The piece as the name implies concentrates on how Mical's primary enemy, Atton feels about him. The kiss at least changes Atton's tune, afterward, he's happy the other was there, since his presence caused Atton to at least try. A Gift for the Future Amber Penglass Post KOTOR: A present is passed not to a loved one, but to a generation several millennia parted The piece is interesting in that the gift goes not to an unborn child but to the descendant. kotorfanmedia Light Side Female Exile Fitchers Apprentice songofamazon Pre KOTOR but no dates specified: Even a remote can be a hero remember conversation breaks, remember to do a sight to remember all of the words such as 'an old man' The piece flows, but there are unexpected ripples, such as forgotten words mentioned above. Having a remote as one of the heroes was a fresh twist. Dark Side Female Revan The Depths of Ibea part 1 songofamazon Pre KOTOR: A dog in the manger story I don't know how many of you understand there term so I'll explain. A manger is a holder for food for an herbivore like a horse sheep or cow; in other words, filled with something a dog would not eat. If a dog were to block their path, or climb into it, the herbivore cannot eat, if the dog weren't in the way. So it means doing something to stop someone else, even if it is something you cannot use. The Jedi seem confused here, even the one who was sent in incognito. However his actions to remove the targeted property was masterful Other KOTOR characters Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic: The Endar Spire Revan Jast Beginning of KOTOR: The hero fights across the ship Pretty much a generic retelling of the start of the game. Nothing added. She Listens Falangel9124 KOTOR after Leviathan: Old ghosts are put to rest A pretty much generic make up scene between Revan and Carth. The piece is good because the main characters still feel the pain. History Part 1: Taris NaTsu4417 KOTOR on Taris: The main character extends A generic retelling of the start of the game The piece is a generic retelling of the Taris module of KOTOR without extras Moments 1 WinterOnasi KOTOR from Taris to Manaan: A drawn out story The piece went through four locations without slowing. I had problems following primarily because the author covered too much in this posting. How Vrook Stole Christmas General Grievous KOTOR runs head on into Christmas: Who will win? A rather silly attempt at a Dr. Seuss knockoff. Due to the terms used, it doesn't rhyme very well because of that. But the picture of Vrook as Santa Claus and Zaz Kei El taking the roll of Max the dog caused me to chuckle. School Days Crystal001 Alternate universe Pre KOTOR: A number of the members of the first crew as kids in elementary school The piece is a bit silly really; Canderous (In his late 50s) going to the same school with the others. Few characters were really fleshed out. You know that Carth is the studious type, Canderous is a fighter, and not a whole lot more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center reflections Chevron 7 Locke TSL Aboard the Ebon Hawk: The Exile sees a might have been slaughter when she meditates Like a lot of this author's work, the style is crisp and clean. Discovering at the end that she was meditating did explain a lot. Keep writing, kid. kotorfanmedia Light side Female Revan The road to rediscovery Songofamazon Post KOTOR: The Jedi of the crew return to the temple on Coruscant The piece is a bit dry but the situation gives us depth into the Jedi trials. Under the Shadow of the Builders – Prologue Songofamazon KOTOR at Taris: The survivors of the Endar Spire regroup. The piece starts at an odd point, the actual launch of the escape pod with our heroes. Some of the injuries that had been suffered, requiring the heroine to wake up from her injuries. There was not a lot more, but what I read was good. Other KOTOR characters A day in the life Katara Ironarm KOTOR en route to Manaan: Revan takes one fateful step The piece is a bit fluffy, with Revan finally taking Carth to her bed. The part leading up to that act was fun because it's Revan trying to decide. Revan;s Final Battle Crystal001 Post KOTOR: Revan fights for Carth's life one last time. The piece was well written, the fight a joy to read. The way the Sith died was funny; having him die while being Force tickled just too cute for words. Pick of the Week The Gizka Problem, Revisited Crystal001 KOTOR en route to Manaan: Well it's one way to deal with the Gizka... The piece is a lot of fun with Carth acting like a petulant child, Bastila dropping information ahead of time, and a barbequed mess of Gizka. What struck me as I read it was the comment by Kermit the Frog in the first Muppet movie; all those poor frogs on crutches... Pick of the Week Traitors in the Theater Darkling Angel Post KOTOR: Enemies meet in a theater. The piece is delightfully skewed, with Bastila and Carth as the villains. The last scene, with Dustil lambasting his father for turning to the dark was choice. Fanfiction.net Where Is My Mind Cantbel Post KOTOR: Revan slides off the edge of sanity The piece, as the author said, is not nice. It is cold, stark and unrelieved Pick of the Week Haunted RowenaR Post TSL on Citadel Station: The Exile explains to Atton why she has to leave The piece is angst riddled, and I am happy the author commented on being a non English speaker. It kept me from lambasting her. I for one wonder if the masters had been theorizing rather than speaking from knowledge when they describe the 'wound' they claim was there. Not Always What it Seems Prometheus71 Post TSL: Revan considers her last few years. The piece was confusing. I wasn't sure if this was a reunion when Carth and Revan got together, or if the Manda'lor was there to kill him depending on which name he called her by. Beyond the Rim StatlerWaldorf Post KOTOR: Revan is having visions calling her to the unknown The piece is too short to get a good feel for it. A pity I don't have time to read further Backwater Planet CortessaBlatt KOTOR no specific time given: The crew deals with the aftermath of a crash. The piece was well done with a frantic feel to it. The acrimony between Jolee and Canderous as the Jedi worked on healing him was perfect Pick of the Week Prophet Thing of Evil Yimmy-Kins KOTOR on the Star Forge: Revan tries to protect Bastila as Malak attacks them both The piece was excellent, with a lot of the back story explained and the attack on Bastila's mind perfect. I only had time to read the first section, and I wish I could have read it all. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center Just Keep Running Chevron 7 Locke Five years after TSL: The last survivors of the Ebon Hawk's crew face a surprising opponent As always, you turn out good work. The enemy was surprising, and knowing that of them all only the Exile has survived the attacks makes it more interesting. Pick of the Week The Arrival of a Hero Mandalore The Shadow During attack on Hoth from TESB: The attack from the Empire's side. The piece is too short to get a good feel for the writing style. What is done is crisp and well done. Fanfiction.net Coruscant CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR: When is it enough? Carth and Revan getting together, and the question is not moot; How long must he grieve before it is possible? The piece flows well and the question remains; how long must he mourn? A Flight of Stairs CortessaBlatt TSL on Citadel Station: How long can you grieve? The piece flowed well, and the situation well portrayed. The Passions of a Sith Lord CortessaBlatt AU Post KOTOR: The dark lord reminisces The piece is well written, and the one plaint the author made is accepted, after all, Carth is a wuss here. Have you tried diet tea instead? A Game of Chance CortessaBlatt During TSL with no specific time given: The Exile foolishly plays Pazaak with Atton. The piece is funny from start to finish. Another game of Pazaak with Nar Shaddaa rules, and a twist that makes it even more funny at the end. Pick of the Week Dustil's Mission CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR no specific time given: Kids will be kids The piece merely shows how little Dustil and Mission know about how to insult each other. Like most kids argument, it begins for a silly reason and doesn't improve much. A Gift to Her Love Bald as Malak TSL no specific time given: The Exile lays a trap to catch Mical and Atton The piece is cute with a well laid trap requiring both of the men to be present for it to work. Her reasoning is obvious; to get some breathing room with two different men pursuing her. The end was just too cute. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia kotorfanmedia has juggled everything again, so... Light Side Female Revan After the Storm NikkiD KOTOR En-route to Korriban: Dealing with the revelation of her identity, she also has to deal with the burgeoning relationship with Carth. The piece is cute and fluffy, and includes a Gizka. Descent's Stop LordRevan KOTOR on Lehon: Revan faces off against Bastila The piece is well wrought and runs as you would anticipate. The confrontation was well done, and the internal monologue flowed well. For Identity Marin Dakari Originally reviewed June 9 2006 That review is below: During KOTOR: After the confrontation with Jagi, Revan struggles again with her identity The style is excellent, the subject matter near and dear to my heart. How do you deal with discovering everything you remember is a lie? Reprise Pick of the Week Happy R Rose07 Post KOTOR: Well they had to name it something... The piece flows well, and the idea that Carth created a special day to celebrate his love of the woman is choice. Destiny (Chapter One: Escape Revans Pet Duck Originally reviewed 30 June 06 That review is below: The events on the Endar Spire in KOTOR I This flowed well, and I wish I honestly had time to read everything RPD had written. There are changes from the original script, but none that are glaringly improper. Reprise Pick of the Week Carth's worst fear sithangel 77 Originally reviewed 30 June 06 That review is below: The view of a suicide’s mind as Revan give in to her sadness. I have to agree with the ones who said this is a logical progression. Over at Lucasforums where I am a critic (You think I do comments in this manner all the time? Well, since October, yes...) if you read my entire KOTOR novel, I have my Revan going through all of the angst too. She even decides on suicide. In fact the only reason she survives is Sasha, who I made a continuing character. There is commentary about using the word slice over and over, and while it is noted, the Author’s comment that it is her own mind cutting herself again and again is perfectly acceptable to me. Great work. Reprise Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center Star War Knight of the old republic : Lost colors Revan Sama Pre KOTOR: A student and his master The piece flows very well, the interplay limited primarily to the narrative. I agree, keep it up. A Long Campaign Mandalore The Shadow Star War during TESB:The battle of Hoth from the viewpoint of the 501st. A well drawn narrative, there is no characterization, the main character merely narrating the scene. kotorfanmedia Connections Bluestar705 KOTOR on Taris: Revan and Carth begin to work on how to find Bastila The piece is primarily generic, with some interesting twists. Carth comes across as doom and gloom with Sam as the eternal optimist. A Sith's Honor Briavel KOTOR on Korriban:Uther deals with Selene The piece is well written, the characters and scene clear. Making her end an enforced suicide was choice, and the voices of the dead an exquisite choice. Pick of the Week The Security of Betrayal Belladonna Pre KOTOR: Saul Karath aids in the betrayal of Revan The piece is interesting because we see Saul also assisting in destroying the flagship. His reasoning is flawless, and his actions assure his position. Memories GeneralTacticus Originally reviewed 31 may 2007. That review is below: The climactic battle aboard the Star Forge from Malak’s view The story flows well, going from the fight to the flashbacks through their younger lives that led the two warriors to this point. Sad an poignant. Reprise Pick of the Week Malak Aminta Jae Pre KOTOR: Malak deals with his existence as a Sith The piece flowed well, so well in fact that I forgot to notate it previously. I Am I, Sith Lord Malak Karacat A one shot from the Behind the Game series by the same author: Malak gets himself in the mood for his next scene The piece is light cute and amusing. Using the specific song they used (From Man of La Mancha) made it very fun. Fanfiction.net The Greatest Gift of All Crazyocelott Post KOTOR: Bastila delivers a gift to a still pensive Revan The piece is short, but the reactions of Revan to the news makes up for the brevity. Pick of the Week Strange Alliances Darkmanmod Pre KOTOR: Revan hides her powers in an odd place The piece is interesting in that even while Revan is being captured, she is finding a repository for hercapabilities, and transferring them as the Jedi capture her. I do wonder what change Steve makes in his world, but had no time to read further. Which Wookiee Mr. Crusty KOTOR on Kashyyk: A case of mistaken identity The piece is amusing because the pair sent to retrieve Zaalbar can't recognize him. It was a funny read. Pick of the Week Star Wars KOTOR Unnecessary Evil RevanTheLight TSL After Malachor V: Deciding to follow Revan, The Exile admits her feelings to Atton The piece flowed very well, and I wished I could read past chapter one. Pick of the Week The Hunter of Destiny Fateemperor 15,000 before the Battle of Yavin: An Assassin stalks the Jedi The piece is set far enough back almost to impinge on my own work of 25,000 years earlier. As to why he is hunting them, we have yet to have a clue Force Blind Princess Artemis KOTOR on Lehon: Darth Revan is back, and in full cry The piece flows very well, the scenes crisp and clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 Fanfiction.net Blind Side GaggedCenobite KOTOR on the Star Forge: As they lay dying, Revan and Malak consider the new lord of the Sith The piece is short and sweet, both characters have their own blind side, and admit it. Sight Noneko Pre TSL: The attack on Katarr seen through Visas' eyes. The piece is well done, the visions before and after the event surreal. Pick of the Week I Say No CortessaBlatt TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: Mical and Atton have a... discussion Wildly confusing, and unfortunately, the author explained what was happening at the end From the Heart CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR: Revan gives up the only thing she has left to Carth The piece started out light and fluffy, but ended angst filled. Revan wants to lead a normal life, and to do so, gives up her lightsaber and the force. Well done Pick of the Week Its the Thought that Counts Trillian4210 Post TSL on Coruscant: At the Yuletime ball Mira and Atton finally express their feelings. The piece was well written, the characters believable, and the situation right for the feelings expressed. Pick of the Week A Casualty of War Sith Lord Darth Revan PreKOTOR: Revan butts heads with the council over more support for the Republic Numbers appear to be a problem. You have 100,000 Jedi during the War of Exar Kun, and 10,000 serving with Revan, yet both numbers are greater than any listing for the Jedi at any time. Technical note: Militarily, it does not make sense to take Onderon first; Since it is a settled planet it would naturally have a larger garrison than the moon would have. Also, the citizens would tie down more troops. I think what you should do is read the histories of the Pacific invasions by Halsey and MacArthur. Not even the Philippines campaign (15 separate landings) took less than six months. kotorfanmedia Feared Alexandra KOTOR on Korriban: Dustil lashes out as others because of his hatred of his father An excellent beginning. Tormenting the prisoner was more an add on from the look but his casual murder strikes deep into Dustil's anger. Pick of the Week Fall Into Place Plutospawn KOTOR On Korriban: Dustil plans on his meeting with his father The piece is interesting in that it appears Revan along with Canderous and Mission succeeded in infiltrating the Academy, and died there. Change Noneko Pre KOTOR: The war from Malak's viewpoint The piece is masterfully done. As one commenter said, both second person and present tense throughout. You can watch Malak's fall with an almost clinical precision, where what is right is replaced with expediency, where love and compassion turn to hate. Pick of the Week Bastilla's Conversion Joysweeper KOTOR on the unnamed world: Bastila is tormented by Malak and the visions she is plagued with. The writing is tight and concise, the emotions, torments, resistance are clearly marked and very well done. Pick of the Week Old Wisdom RogueLadySabyne After ROTJ: Instead of Ben, Luke channels Jolee The piece is funny because you get to see both Luke and Jolee interacting with someone from another millennia, and doing a good job of it. Each has their own experiences, but 4,000 years makes no never mind to good advice and willing acceptance. Jolee joking that Ben would chase him through the hereafter was too choice for words. Pick of the Week After The Darkness Auros Sopherai Post TSL: A new Jedi arrives on Coruscant, with a special reason for her choice. The piece is outstanding. The unchosen Padawan wondering why she had been chosen until the final line, the pompous diplomat put in his place by a single sentence. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 Pick of the Week The Adventures of Jolee Bindo Jae Onasi Originally reviewed 10 Nov 2006 over at Lucasforums. That review is below: In the interim between KOTOR I and II. An Apprentice gets an unlikely master. Jae had sent this to me, asking me to proofread it and offer corrections. Sadly the copy I sent to her disappeared, and will have to be redone, but i can say it all in one sentence. You don’t need advice. Just keep writing. I think it is interesting that this is the first mention that an apprentice can refuse to accept a teacher as master. Though the idea makes sense. Like a lot of the kids I have read in my year of critiquing, I want to go back and read it all. Reprise Pick of the Week Juuust right WinterOnasi KOTOR on Dantooine: Sasha as Goldilocks. The author used my favorite secondary character, but in a different way. My Sasha was a lot tougher than this, and needed more coaxing. But considering that Sasha was after all a secondary quest, I'll cut Winter some slack. Bastila's Creation WinterOnasi KOTOR after Korriban: Bastila has to reprogram her charge after the Rakatan box. The piece is interesting in that Bastila is more of a, eminence Gris here than she was in my own work. Bastila is controlling Revan almost like a puppet, able to reset her mind to a previous time regardless of circumstances. Unresolved Sexual Tension Charamel KOTOR, so specific time given: Revan and Malak share a kiss, but did they? I read a great deal and not all of what I read is related. The end of this dream sequence reminded me of Shirley MacClain'es 'Out on a limb' where she was being pursued by a gorilla in a dream. Trapped against a cliff, she screamed at it, asking why it pursued her, and the gorilla replied, 'Hey kid! It's your dream!'. Fanfiction.net Discovering the Stars xLintux Post TSL: The Exile prepares to head out, but not without misgivings of her own and Atton's... The piece flows very well, the Exile's internal dialogue trying to find a way around leaving virtually alone. Her final confrontation with Atton highlights the problem. Lies http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2717163/1/Let_Sleeping_Laigreks_Lie Let Sleeping Laigreks Lie Ilea Dreke TSL on Korriban: After dealing with the cave, the Exile needs some downtime... The piece flowed very well, Atton so worried about what he has to do to keep the Exile together that he can't think of anything else. Bad Boys Rhiannoin87 Pre TSL: Atton at his worst I was struck by the last line because you have a torturer who has grown blasé about his craft. Torment, taunt, finally kill someone he relalizes only after is innocent. The Disparity of a Grey Jedi Rhiannoin87 TSL, no specific part given: The Exile goes her own way The piece was too short to get a handle on the way the character is thinking. She is compassionate one moment, hard the next, with no rhyme or reason for it. Lost Love Clover64 Post TSL: After her loss, the Exile still misses her Mical. The piece flows well, the grief deep and unrelenting. Her own feelings resonate with Selene the apprentice now bereft of a master. Pick of the Week Apathy Is Death Amme Moto TSL after Korriban: When does the nightmare end? The piece has a nightmare feel to it; First the tomb of Ludo Kreesh repeated (As happened in my own version) then having the scene repeat aboard ship. The end was better to my mind because you get to kill the old bat before you get to Malachor V. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Fanfiction.net Hatred Rhiannon87 Pre TSL: The Exile wants to hold onto her hate The piece parallels the two lives, Revan's from being redeemed to the Exile still wandering. I understand the Exile's frustration. She had not fallen, not needed to be redeemed, yet she is still being punished. Hatred Revisited Rhiannon87 TSL on Onderon after the revolt: She can't keep hating him, but is not yet willing to forgive. Kavar and the Exile speak of their shared past, and how Kavar had cast her love aside. The emotions, of betrayal and regret come through, but the dark foreboding; that the council has already decided to strip her of her powers again before she arrives at Dantooine looms. Loneliest When I'm With You Rhiannon87 Post TSL: Atton and the Exile cling even as they know it is no use. The piece is split, Atton picking up women in bars, and the Exile ignoring it. Both are miserable, yet neither is willing to let go. Pick of the Week Can't Recall the Name Rhiannon87 Post TSL: Revan struggles with her memories, especially of the woman that had been her best friend. The piece has a nice flow to it. Looking into the stream of memories, but the Exile's name is elusive until she meet Revan again at the end. The Stalker Chronicles Rhiannon87 Maybe Post TSL: How to deal with the ever present stalkers... The piece is a riot from start to finish. Kavar having to separate his Valentine's day male by marriage proposals and just 'luv ya-s'. Commenting on the fact that 'only' half of his candy has been spiked with aphrodisiacs. Then frantically chasing the Exile as she absconds with a box of the good stuff; Atton and Kreia getting shot by HK-47. Having Mira sell the lot of the male characters (except for Kavar) to the fan girls was just the icing on a sweet cake. Pick of the Week Dance With Accents Amme Moto Dantooine post TSL: Carth still searches for the woman he loves. But why didn't he recognize her when she was in his arms? The piece is nice and fluffy; making Revan a master of disguises was choice, especially when he recognizes that he had been dancing with her minutes previously. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia Beautiful Darkness Jedi Serenity During KOTOR on Ebon Hawk: A quiet evening discussing the past. The piece has a nice flow to it, Revan considering her companions, then settling down to help Carth over his emotional hump. The end was good because you know more will happen An Inverse of Stars DarthPazaak Originally reviewed 7 April 06 That review is below: An Alternate ending to KOTOR An excellent work by this new writer. The problems are the same as I dun into all of you. reread and rewrite. This needs so little revision I hated to actually tell her to do anything with it. Reprise Pick of the Week Bastila's Holocron Joysweeper KOTOR on Tatooine: Bastila deals with her father's death and her mother's impending loss. A well done emotional look at Bastila's dealing with her mother. The piece flows well and you can picture both women; one bound for more treatment, the other to complete her mission. Perils of Swoop Racing: Manaan Alexandra KOTOR on Manaan after the Leviathan: Revan needs to relax, and Swoop racing might fit the bill... I wasn't interested enough in the swoop racing to go beyond Taris, but I can understand and enjoy the metaphor. When you enjoyment of life is at it's least, there has to be something to bring you out of it. Rejected Miraea Starr Post KOTOR: An interesting interview. The piece is a riot, the character so far away from what you might expect from an interview that you wonder why he thought he might pass. Not to know Greengrass1914 Pre KOTOR on Nar Shaddaa: Carth looks desperately for his son. The piece is poignant in that the Twi-Lek begins thinking of him as a mark, but by the end pities him The flashbacks drive the story like a searing whip. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted April 11, 2011 Author Share Posted April 11, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center Antihero Ryan PM TSL on Dantooine: The situation looks grim. The piece is a generic retelling of the opening sequence on the planet. Except for Kreia pulling an Obi Wan, little is revealed. Welcome to the forum. KOTORNATURAL Teaser: Hyperspace Hurling JediMaster12 No specific era given: A blind leap takes them to adventure The piece is like all of JM12's work, tightly written and flowing well. Keep it up. kotorfanmedia Made Known Manjoy KOTOR Aboard the Ebon Hawk: Sometimes, you just have to tell her... The piece flowed well, both Carth and Revan following through what you might expect. Her reactions from frustration at his attention to the kiss well portrayed. As another reviewer said, there was some that could be done with it, but don't lose that gentle reaction. Torn Apart Crystal001 KOTOR enroute to Manaan: The Bitch is back The piece flowed, but not as I would have anticipated. The switch from Jast to Revan was too quick and her actions unanticipated. Maybe Next Time Dinah Lance Pre KOTOR: Carth regrets his leave The piece is good because we get to see Carth before he meets Revan. The byplay between him and the 'honest whore' was up to DL's usual high standards. Pick of the Week Love Beyond Words Mayla Post KOTOR: Revan makes her decision The piece flowed well, and the rejection of Carth was well done. Her later words to Bastila fit very well, including her mirth at Bastila's reaction. Pick of the Week A better offer Alexandra Pre KOTOR: Carth's last meeting withj Saul before Telos is attacked The flow is smooth but the words used by Saul don't quite jell. Is words are too ambiguous, and I can understand Carth rejecting him. If he had said 'Revan feels we can fix this problem with your help' it would have made more sense. As the heros of the Mandalorian Wars, it would have echoed within Carth as well. Instead we get vague 'The Republic is dying' and what sounded to me like threats against his family as well. About to Crash Mayla KOTOR Alternate Universe on Korriban: It isn't Dustil he confronts An interesting twist having Morgana the one who survived instead. Having her be the one who reveals who Revan is even more sick and twisted. I liked it. Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net Meditation Envy Skeiler Innocenti TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: Atton feels left out. The piece is really too short to get a grip on. I felt more was needed, at least an internal explanation of why the Exile refuses to teach him how to meditate, though I can guess why. The Dying Wish CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR: A Dying Sith Lord Revan asks a last boon of Carth The piece is well wrought, the idea of a Sith thinking in a dynastic way different. Her dying request is not what you think, but excellent. Pick of the Week Emotions MLyn1990 TSL on Nar Shaddaa: Love never flows smooth A case of two people reacting to the outer reactions without understanding the inner ones. Atton comes across as an automatic flirt, which ticks off the Exile, who makes Atton confused as to why which makes him react to her. Typical love. Atton to Mercy CortessaBlatt Pre TSL: Atton takes down another victim The piece flowed well, another of CB's excellent works. Pick of the Week The Gift Kendoka Girl KOTOR aboard Star Forge: Revan contemplates Bastila's final gift to him, and his final gift to her The piece is excellent, staging the fight between Bastila and Revan, and the bleak prospects that lay ahead. Pick of the Week To Revan's Rescue Crazyocelot Pre KOTOR: The eventual Exile helps Revan with her latest prank Like most of the 'Jedi kids' stories, Revan is the eternal prankster. In this one they did a make up job on Vrook that was almost a nightmare to visualize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 Thank you for the review mach. I appreciate your honesty in critiquing my work especially on a piece that was conceived and written in between finishing a paper to submit to a conference and inputting data. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 Fanfiction.net Never Too Late For Redemption Clover64 TSL on Malachor V: With the Exile gone to the darkness, Mical still prays for her redemption The piece left you hanging. Will Mical succeed? In the Medbay CortessaBlatt TSL on Nar Shaddaa: When Atton is wounded, it is left to the Exile to treat the wound. I think it was more the position (Upper inside thigh) than any other reason for the women to refuse to treat it. The scene, with the Exile trying not to look at other exposed parts that makes it funny. Oh, and an assassinator should be merely assassin. Pick of the Week Star wars beta squadron Flaming Burrito Clone War right before ROTS: A clone unit is caught on the outer rim as the enemy fleet leaps to Coruscant. The piece is confusing, you kept forgetting conversation breaks. The battle to come sounds like it might be interesting. The Revan Chronicles I The Outer Rim Wars Master Alabe Post KOTOR on Coruscant: Still trying to get over having killed an old friend, Revan finds there is no rest for him. The piece I was able to read (Chapter one) was a bit abrupt, but there are elements that will make it worth the effort to come back and continue. A Tale of Two Dark Lords Rogue Jedi Princess Crossover: Revan Vs Voldemort? The piece is far too short to get a good feel, though I did have a few questions. One, is this a Dark Lord Revan or light side? Is the evil she feels From the dark lord or the dementors? Seja Kimura From Jedi Assassin to Wandering Jedi SuperSaiyaMan12 Pre KOTOR during Mandalorian Wars: A Jedi looks back on his service to the Republic The piece flowed well, but having the character be a Jedi Assassin rubbed me the wrong way. A character has to have good and bad qualities, calling him a Jedi does not make 'assassin' palatable to me. kotorfanmedia Forgiveness Jae Onasi Post Exar Kun War: Jolee has been forgiven by the order, but refuses to forgive himself The piece like all of Jae's work is a neatly cut gemstone needing only setting. She had done more work than anyone of our friend Jolee and his argument before the council is not only pure Jolee, it is pure Jae as well. Pick of the Week Not Yet Jiara Pre KOTOR: Jolee's first talk with Revan The piece give you so much of the back story with so little effort. The same cantankerous Jolee, but a different colder Revan. Jiara has scored yet again. Pick of the Week Of love and war Aminta Jae Originally post 16 May 2007, that posting is below: Prelude to the attack on the Endar Spire: Trask and Aminta reminisce. An interesting take on the Endar Spire and her crew. The dialogue suggests a long association between them, yet we know that can’t be the case. It begs the question; how many people aboard knew who Revan was? The style is excellent, the scenes crisp. Reprise Pick of the Week Best Friends in Love JediMaster09 Pre KOTOR: It is really love, but don't tell him... My only problems with the piece were; having to attach a (normal) name to the character, Rick Revan, Mark Malak, etc, and using Valentine's Day. If you go to Lucasforums where I also post and go to the resource center-> Expert Forum->post 118, you will find a dissertation on holidays not to use. St Valentine's day (Before it was linked to juvenile hormones) was to celebrate a martyr killed by tying him to a post and letting passers by take pot shots at him with bows. But it is linked to Earth History. That said the piece was fun and the end perfect. Pick of the Week The Jedi Not to be Exar Kun During or just after KOTOR, no specifics given: An attack against the Jedi Council begins The piece is interesting in that it goes from a little quiet sparring to full blown attack with almost no pause. I would have liked to see more. Pebcak Briavel KOTOR facing Leviathan: What if the characters had a say? For those who don't know it and the author explained at the end; the term PEBCAK is tech support slang for Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard. In other words, operator error. Having one of the characters suggest a way to totally avoid the torture scene is choice. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center Code geass lost colors: Love time reversed Revan sama Non SW: A wish to change time brings more the wisher bargained for. Revan Sama may be a rookie but the fiction is improving slowly but surely. Ten Minutes Jalana KOTOR aboard Star Forge: So much can happen in ten minutes. The piece is stark and cold. You witness her own pain as Juhani records this. Her own denial of what is happening, recording even as she wants it not to be true. Pick of the Week The Promise Crystal001 KOTOR on Dantooine: Juhani has time to consider everything she has done wrong. The piece is sad; I succeeded in defeating then saving Juhani, but I know that just because I did doesn't mean it could have not gone the other way. I for one liked a view of might have been Pick of the Week Hidden Strength Briavel KOTOR post Tatooine: Even Griff finds he has hidden strength. Briavel created a moving end to someone's life here. When he could lie, tell Karath anything and everything, he cannot bring himself to place his sister in the same place. Pick of the Week Duty Awilson KOTOR aboard the Star Forge: Revan has failed Bastila, will she fail herself as well? The piece is sad because you have Revan falling a second time and being redeemed, but Bastila is unwilling to accept that she can be redeemed. The end is poignant and terribly sad. Pick of the Week Bull Run Johnny KOTOR Characters at the battle of Bull Run: Our favorites on either side The piece is short and not too descriptive, though the first battle of Manassas (Remember, first rule of history; the winner names the battle. Only the Union called either of the two battles fought there Bull Run) was also the first time long ranged rifle fire was used against massed formations right out of the Napoleonic Wars. The author forgot two comments when the book excerpt was posted. The most common phrase used regarding the men that came home from the War between the states was that they had 'seen the elephant'. Like WWI and WWII, this war also spawned it's own genre if you will. The two decades following the War between the states is when most of the 'Wild West' occurred. The decade following WWI lead to the rise of organized crime, and the decade following WWII lead to the rise of 'bike clubs' starting with the Hells Angels in 1948. Replay Noneko Pre KOTOR: Trask Ulgo says his goodbyes before his final mission. As another reviewer said, it's bittersweet. We, the audience, know he will not return, even though he blithely assumes he will. Pick of the Week Fanfiction.net Droid Troubles CortessaBlatt TSL aboard the Ebon Hawk: Bao-Dur has to deal with HK47 for the first time. The piece is lightly amusing and satirical, HK is his normal homicidal self, Bao-Dur unsure how to deal with that aspect. Manda'lor reacting as you would expect him to when he sees HK, and T3 giggling like a kid in the corner/ Pick of the Week An Overwhelming Love Clover64 KOTOR after the Star Forge: How do you deal with having to say goodbye? The piece is smooth as silk in the first chapter. Bot Carth and Hayley (Revan) are afraid the other doesn't wish to be together, yet are also afraid of asking. Her hiding under her bed like a child, and Mission, another child being able to find her though neither Carth nor Jolee could, is fun. Pick of the Week Silence in a Time of Victory elenathehun At the End of the Mandalorian War: They won, but at what cost? The piece is stark and cold. I am reminded of a song by an Australian called Waltzing Maltilda when he mentions the civilian reaction to the wounded coming back from the battle of Gallipoli. Pick of the Week To Die With Honor Arkatrine TSL on Dxun: The last thoughts of Davrel The piece focuses not on honor, but on one obsessed with it. Davrel is one of the parts of the game I changed when I worte my novelization; I hated the way he obsessed on fighting her just because he was a rookie who got beaten. I at least, like this author, made his death worth something. Carth Weather CortessaBlatt Post KOTOR on Manaan: It's a snowy day, and Revan has just the way to warm up. The piece is light and fluffy, Revan only standing in the cold because she knows Carth will warm her up soon. Pick of the Week More Than Useless DWH No specific era given: Two Jedi go to stop a war and do so, but at cost Dwh has given us a story that shows the futility of why people fight. The main character of the story is only doing it to impress someone else, and his death is suitably meaningless. His friend is left with the survivor's guilt every soldier know; that maybe it should be him in the grave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted May 1, 2011 Author Share Posted May 1, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center Shreds of a Dying Belief Bee Hoon Post TSL: Revan and the Exile get together for the first time since the war I am sorry I missed this one earlier. But I have finally read it and both Bee Hoon and Saberetooth are doing their typically good work here. Pick of the Week Star wars kotor Cinderella (warning:not serious) Revan sama Post TSL: When the author says it's not serious, it's no joke. Revan Sama has done it again. HK and Canderous in drag and in one case bad drag at that; reminding me of the movie Hair Spray. The main character going to the ball armed for combat, a droid french kiss. It was all just too much. Pick of the Week Donkey skin KOTOR version Revan sama Sort of TSL: Another totally fractured fairy tale. Revan Sama has a lot of fun with fairy tales, weaving them into KOTOR and TSL like a demented weaver. This piece is rollicking good humor, Kreia as a bumbling fairy godmother, The Exile as a daughter looking forward to marrying her father, HK as the beautiful (?) queen, and Atton with Mira sharing the donkey. Fanfiction.net Dark Legacy Myst Dragon Post ANH: While the Alliance is still fighting, there are still Jedi in hiding. One of them leaves her home to join the struggle I didn't have enough time to read past the first chapter, but what I saw looked good. The characters are well written. The characters clearly defined. Data Packets of Love Kendoka Girl TSL no specific period given: Was it really a dream? The piece was funny in an oddball way. The Exile witnessing a love triangle between T3 HK and GOTO. When she wakes up she thinks it's all a dream, but later actions make you wonder... His SydneyVaughn01 From Pre-Mandalorian wars to Post TSL: Revan pursues what he wanted, and finally gets it The piece is too short to really get a feel for style, but the romance flows to it's logical end as the two are finally reunited. The Final Step SydneyVaughn01 Pre KOTOR: Revan takes the final step to the dark side, but regrets her loss Again too short to get a feel for it. The first halting line is Jedi code, but becomes the Sith code easily, and while her followers are pleased, she is not afterwards. The Language of the Stars ElenaTheHun TSL when Visas is sent to find the Exile: Nihilus as he should be The piece focused on only one thing and worked superbly. As the author commented Nihilus is perhaps the suckiest of the villains of the piece, and this shows him when you would still be fearful of his might. The Miraluka and the Mask CortessaBlatt TSL en route to Dantooine: What lays below the Miraluka's mask? The piece focuses on that one thing. Despite warnings, he has to know and he finally beats her refusal down. The end is anticlimactic, as I for one did not see the horror the author is describing. It ends with you wondering if the relationship will continue. kotorfanmedia A good muse is hard to find Alexandra Out in the real world: When a writer gets writer's block, and her muse is nowhere to be found, she falls back on the three back up muses with surprising results. Having dealt with recalcitrant muses, I got well into the story. When I wrote 'Family of Choice' I had a tightly written scene where the Mandalorans are pulling off a retreat under fire (Think of Hoth in the Empire Strikes Back). People thought Leia had become a wuss because she is assigned to be the load master for the evacuation, but knowing history, I know it is something you assign to the one person who will focus on the job, because as Dunkirk proved, this is also the one person that will be closing the doors of the last ship while still on the ground. Zakal (My favorite character in the story) was to be my Leia. She would end up captured or killed as the other Mandalorans ride off into the sunset. Yet as the first shuttle is loading to take off, the main character, a nine year old girl Merissa jumps off the shuttle running back to save Zakal. As I am screaming “WTF!” they arrive. Zakal (Just saved from capture) Berek the man that admired her and assisted, and Merissa. The conversation (Aloud mind you, thank all the gods I was home when it happened) went like this: Merissa: “You're a meanie! You were going to let those core slime catch or kill her!” Me: “Now wait a minute-” Berek: And you give me a love interest about to get the chop. Not very fair.” Zakal: “Now I know why I was chosen, so you two have no reason to complain.” Merissa (Stamping her foot): I don't care; he's still a big meanie! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” Me: “In real life the people assigned to be the load master end up captured or killed.” Merissa: “I. Don't. Care! Fix it.” Zakal (With a let's get to it air): “Well we'll have to do a rewrite of the last seven pages to return to where your plot led. Why not let me survive and you can kill me off later in the story.” So that is what happened. Zakal survived, and Merissa, now a woman in her fifties exacts her revenge on the man who later had her murdered. Everyone was happy. But plot bunnies, gizka, and recalcitrant characters is something we have to live with. Pick of the Week Musings Jiara No specific game/ period given: The character wonders what would have happened if they had not met. The piece is interesting in that nothing is done to tell you who is thinking this; pick your characters and they fit in smoothly. I Once Had A Girl Darby OGM KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: A guys night out as the guys reminisce about women they have known. Having gone through nights like this, I thoroughly enjoyed the story, especially the line about what happened with Ki: 'Ki?' Canderous queried. 'Oh, she caught me cheating on her with her twin sister. Shot me right in the head. Killed me dead. Big mess and all too.' Pick of the Week Bastila's Hand Joysweeper KOTOR on the Unknown planet: Bastila tries to use the secret hole card she had, but it didn't work quite that well Other authors have tried the 'brainwashed Revan' but this came close to be totally acceptable. The fact that Revan is still resisting comes as a surprise to her as well as the reader. The last two paragraphs suggest more is coming though. Pick of the Week Inhibitions Jedi Serenity KOTOR enroute to Tatooine: A drunken Revan contemplates her feelings The piece was fun because it reminded me of Rachel Weiss in the Mummy. At least this couple consummated that first kiss. Pick of the Week A night in Manaan Darby OGM KOTOR on Manaan: A girl's night out to rival the previous work by the same author The piece like it's predecessor was too choice. The main women on the story all sitting getting quietly blitzed with whomever makes the negative comment having to buy the next round. Having them try the same thing on Canderous was merely icing on a very fun cake. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center Betrayal and Redemption Stingerhs Just before Attack of the Clones: Strikes against Separatist mines on one planet lead to violence Another one that slipped through the cracks; Stingerhs does quality work, and this is no exception. The lines are clearly marked, and you belong on one side or the other, just like any strike. The Great War Primogen Non SW fiction: New pilots join veterans in the struggle The scenes are clear and crisp, the characters clearly defined. Using Egyptian gods for the ship classes is interesting. lighter shades of grey Kado Sunrider Post TSL in an alternate universe: Another of the crew gets married The story starts off slow, nightmares, preparing for the wedding, Jolee commenting that Revan and Bastila spent part of the night hovering off the deck, and Canderous' comment makes it more amusing A Day in the Life; Near misses JediMaster12 Sw no specific era given: Just another day in some soldiers' lives It's rampant (Amok) not rampart (Wall), lobbed (threw) not lobbied (Political maneuvering) The scenes flow well, but it is JM12 after all, and I know her work. The two main characters are total opposites, and the change of view refreshing. kotorfanmedia The Path of my Heart Jedi Knight Revan Pre KOTOR: Chloe Star decides to accept the Republic's 'invitation' to go aboard the Endar Spire For a first work, this isn't too shabby, except for a technical point. A police officer would be talking about dropping charges or mitigating the sentence, not of foregoing punishment. Whispers from the Past Darby OGM 23 years pre TSL: Canderous remembers a young warrior going on her first mission. The piece flows well; the information that Piper is female is slipped in at just the right time to make Canderous confused. Pick of the Week Beyond the Rim Darth Xia Jade Post KOTOR: Revan has nightmares linked to the True Sith Remember conversation breaks; it can be confusing keeping track of who is speaking otherwise. Once a Jedi Wyvern Several years pre KOTOR: The parents of Revan bring her to the Jedi The plot twist that was most interesting was thet Revan was Jolee's daughter. We have all the characters, Revan, Jolee and Kreia to play with and I for one hope there is more. Fanfiction.net Knights of Redemption Soser KOTOR at Taris: Our heroes escape at the last minute as always The piece flowed very well, I am surprised that the author said it was a first attempt, not too shabby. The Wolf and Sheep in Me Cap'n Dragera Pre KOTOR: Apprentice versus Master in the Sith way The piece covers a portion of Revan's life most do not try to look at; Revan as she falls, and how Malak loses his jaw. The piece was cold and stark, and very well done. Pick of the Week Look at the Dawn MustardGal Pre KOTOR: The Day Telos was bombed The author is good at exploring the chaos of the bombardment. Having Jordo do more than see Dustil later was a good twist. What Love is to Me CortessaBlatt Pre TSL: Jaq kills his last Jedi, and loses himself The piece is pure CB from the constant self denigration, to well portrayed characters. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Thanks for the review mach but I also owe the parts written about Alriana, the Jedi to Chevron locke 67. It was a collaboration and it wouldn't have worked if he hadn't wrote the character that he developed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 Fanfiction.net Me from Paragus CortessaBlatt Pre TSL: The last few minutes of the technician's life. The only negative I have to mention is the tech states he's not the average Telosian 'Broad', suggesting being a woman when the character is male in the game. The piece has that nice 'at the brink' feeling, and the last moments, seeing HK watching and picturing laughter was well done. The Entire Planet VanillaLatte KOTOR orbiting Taris: Saul Karath contemplates the orders he is about to give The piece is introspective and in a way good for Karath at least in a way. He had the fleet in position to blast the planet, but claimed he needed time to properly position it. Rethinking what he has done. The fact that he gives the order anyway makes him now someone beyond redemption. Just Another Crazy Beginning FreeSourceFull KOTOR above Taris: The fight aboard Endar Spire with a comedic twist. I was laughing about three paragraphs into this and chuckled throughout. The descriptions are well done, the humor nicely ironic and satirical in turns. The very end, where it appears to be a dream that Revan is having is even funnier due to her commenting on Malak's gorget, then pretty much says shut up before I chop your jaw off. Both the sharing and threat suggest this probably happened when they were still Padawans. Pick of the Week Azuva ElenaTheHun Post TSL: The Jedi begin to hunt someone murdering Czerka Officials, and HK seems to be the culprit. The author's notes at the start confused me, because it didn't appear to match the story itself. The piece is short but easy to read and fun. Too short to get a clear grasp of the story though. A Night Atton Would Never Forget Bald As Malak TSL aboard Ebon Hawk En route to Onderon: Never mix cards and booze. The piece surprised and delighted me. So many guys have thought 'get her drunk and do what you will, but the worm turned so effortlessly I didn't anticipate it. A riot! Pick of the Week Star Wars Heart of Evil Darth Saboteur 3 years Post TSL: A new Dark lord arises The piece has a problem with flow, action happens too quickly to keep track, and this distresses the readers making them stumble. My advice is reread, rewrite, and polish. kotorfanmedia Knights in Tights Miraea Starr Originally reviewed July 13 2007. That review is below: After KOTOR: The Ebon Hawk makes a brief detour thanks to a black hole. As much as I get upset with people dragging Earth into the Genre, this looks interesting. Especially when you have such logical explanations of exactly who and what the members of the crew are. As one of the people who commented said, it’s insane, and I loved it. Reprise Pick of the Week Cold Evil Shall Giggle Originally reviewed July 13 2007. That review is below: After KOTOR: Carth reminisces The writing style is good, the ending surprising. It sneaks up on you, and part of me wanted to scream ‘No!’ when I read it. Pick of the Week Looking For Something to Die For Nivenus Post KOTOR: A Jedi and an old friend infiltrate a Sith warship. The piece flows well, and as one reviewer said, it's nice to see Jolee go out with a Bang. Grains of sand Zulu86 KOTOR on Tatooine: The Sith use a sandstorm to get close enough to attack The piece tends to drag, more foreboding than action. All I See is Darkness Jedi DWH KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: Dreams and nightmares The piece as another reviewer commented was frightening then funny. The end was a bit confusing, but on the whole I liked it. Stowaway Belladonna KOTOR aboard Ebon Hawk: The hiding of Sasha after Dantooine The piece does as I did what few others have; Looked at the world from Sasha's eyes. The author portrays a small girl afraid, but not giving up. Pick of the Week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted May 22, 2011 Author Share Posted May 22, 2011 Coruscant Entertainment Center In Misery And Hope Mr_BFA TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile is tormented by his own doubts in human form. Mr BFA does some good work and part of me wishes he'd waited the three weeks or so by posting it to the challenge. It would be worth voting for. Pick of the Week kotorfanmedia Dueling Destinies Infanta Magdalena KOTOR orbiting Taris: The intro with a new twist. The idea of making the main character something other than scoundrel, scout or soldier was a unique twist. Her working with communications as a translator helped explain her computer abilities. Well and tightly written. Pick of the Week Mandalore's Promise Revanrand16 TSL in the Onderon system: Mandalore remembers Revan, and eagerly awaits the arrival of the Exile The piece is well written, with Mandalore as the tragic father waiting for his daughter's return. I have a feeling from what little I read that when the Exile heads for the Unknown Regions she had better expect to have Mandalorian back up. Shifting Loyalties Nivenus Pre KOTOR: Saul and Carth's last meeting before the Admiral changes sides I liked the idea that Saul was not sounding Carth out about treason, only examining his own feelings on the corruption above him. The idea that Carth is beaten out for a promotion by an incompetent politically connected officer makes it easier to understand Karath's willingness to change sides. Technical note: Most navies assign a personal steward to officers ranked Captain and above on ships larger than a Destroyer, and have one steward assigned just to officer's country on smaller ships. That means he doesn't have to heat up or cook his own meals unless cooking is a hobby. I have met very few ship commanders who had to cook their own aboard ship. Only Time Will Tell PhantomMenace KOTOR after Korriban: Dustil remembers his last meeting with Saul Karath, and considers the reconciliation with his father. The piece is short and sweet. Dustil goes from a proud Sith warrior to a saddened boy wishing his love had not died. The end suggests hope, however. The future might be bright. On The Other Side of Things Onasilvr KOTOR aboard Leviathan: Three men on guard duty share smokes and banter The piece has a soft feel of men just talking about what is on their minds. Suddenly you see the Sith not as faceless evil, but as normal people on the wrong side of a war. Moment of Truth Prisoner24601 KOTOR aboard Endar Spire: Trask considers his task The piece is very interesting in that it is said this is the fourth time Revan has been reset as it were. The idea that the Jedi would have implanted a kill switch makes a great deal of sense, it always bothered me that only two people seemed to know of her existence aboard the ship; Trask and Bastila. Fanfiction.net Battle of the Heroes Chris Ganale KOTOR after Leviathan: The crew deals with the revelation. The piece is basically a generic retelling of the scene. Toys ElenaTheHun Post TSL: The Exile searches for Revan in the Unknown Regions The piece is funny due to the interplay between the droids and the one Sith they meet. The Exile's sarcasm is a lot of fun to deal with. Meditation Omega TripleGuess Republic Commando era: A Jedi tries to cut one important bond The piece is introspective on the surface level, the Jedi tied to one squad of Clone troopers trying to sever that link emotionally. But knowing the outcome and who she is, I know it's a last gasp of Jedi sanity. The Fragile Male Ego ElenaTheHun During the Mandalorian wars: Two shipmates say goodbye The piece was fun. Having Atton and Bao-Dur meet before they crew the Ebon Hawk wasn't too bad, and having all of the women throwing themselves at Bao-Dur to the detriment of Atton's ego was just too choice. Pick of the Week What Dreams May Come Wook Originally reviewed 20 January 2006 over at Kotorfanmedia. That review is below: Set in KOTOR; Revelations during the final battle may change Revan forever. I had never seen the concept that Revan and Malak were siblings before. Just as I made them people who almost became lovers, wook made them brother and sister. An excellent concept, and excellent read. Reprise Pick of the Week Insanity of Revan Hitokiri Akins Post KOTOR: When your love is dead, Revenge is sometimes the only option The piece has a Vengeance is mine feel. Quite interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Catto Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Cheers, Mach! Yeah, a day after I posted it I was thinking maybe I should've held off, but ahhh, too late, haha. I might squeeze something else out if I have the time and inspiration, before the deadline, but will just have to wait and see. Glad that you like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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