zelda 41 Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 Chapter 4: Resue Lili "Lili! Sasha!" Raz was determined to find them, but he didn't have any help and didn't have any phy powers. But then, just as he was turning to head back, Lili started screaming. "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HELP ME RAZ, HE'S TAKING MY BRAIN!!!!!!!! " Just as she screamed that, her brain was taken and Sasha was in the conner yelping. He was tied up! But,how was Sasha was taking Lili's brain out!?! "What the hell?" Raz muttered To be continued in part 2 Not End of Chapter 4
KingCheez Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 WHAT THE ****!? ONE CHAPTER. AND THIS IS A PUBLIC ****ING MESSAGE BOARD, SO TAKE YOUR WARNING AND SHOVE IT. IF YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE FLAMEBAIT, DON'T POST IT HERE. IT WAS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE, WE'VE TOLD YOU FIVE ****ING TIMES YOU ONLY NEED ONE TOPIC, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT SMON AND DARTHAVE BUT I'M SURE THE STORY WOULD BE MUCH MORE TOLERABLE IF YOU PAYED THE **** ATTENTION AND ONLY MADE ONE TOPIC. ...phew.
Smon Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 Hey Zelda, ever heard of a, um oh I don't know... edit button? Or the MOTHA 4^(#ING REPLY BUTTON?!?!?!?
KingCheez Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 See that nice pretty "start a new thread" button? DON'T ****ING CLICK IT. >:\
Smon Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 See that nice pretty "start a new thread" button? DON'T ****ING CLICK IT. >:\ ...IDEA'D! I shall pay Bowyer from SMRPG to shoot the new thread button on Zelda's computer! That way it'll be locked until he shoots a different button.
KingCheez Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 Sweet. I should go... uh, borrow from my friend, SMRPG again.
Megan Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 You need to learn to take some criticism. Even authors take criticism from their friends and editors. It's not fun, but it helps. The story's not very bad, but is severely lacking in details that bring a story to life, and the chapters are way too short to be an actual chapter. The story needs some spice, something unique and mysterious or exciting, depending on what kind of story you're writing. And, you can put this whole story under one topic. There's no need to make a new topic for every chapter, especially considering how many times you've been instructed not to. Not trying to sound witchy...
zelda 41 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Posted February 20, 2006 I couldn't type long because my dumb butt brother kicked me off.
Smon Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 I couldn't type long because my dumb butt brother kicked me off. So? You don't have to make a new thread each time, just post a reply to the first (or in your case, third) topic.
zelda 41 Posted February 20, 2006 Author Posted February 20, 2006 All right. I'm done with this story. It just... sucked. Tell King Cheez and Darth_Ave, would ya.
KingCheez Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Uh, we can read. We don't want you not to continue it, just one ****ing thread and one is all.
zelda 41 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 I'm still done. Storywriting: not my thing
Smon Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 I'm still done. Storywriting: not my thing ...thne why are you sending a story to Oxytoxin?
KingCheez Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 DON'T FORGET THE SASHARAZ MAKERS THAT I HARASSED OUT OF ALL PLEASURE OF LIFE
zelda 41 Posted February 23, 2006 Author Posted February 23, 2006 lol. I'm sending it in because I have an old one I wrote and had fixed 5 friggin times. IT'S PERFECT I TELL YOU!! PERFECT!!!!
DarthAve Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 It's not nice to yell at us you noob. You could be out, Heidi Clum says so. "In message boarding, either you're in or you're out."
Klia Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 It's not nice to yell at us you noob. You could be out, Heidi Clum says so. "In message boarding, either you're in or you're out." Darth_Ave, that's so over. Now I think we should stop spamming these boards with "STOPZ IT ZOMG!!1elventy1!!!11!
Smon Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 Darth_Ave, that's so over. Now I think we should stop spamming these boards with "STOPZ IT ZOMG!!1elventy1!!!11! Yes agreed... we should just banish it. Someone go fetch the banishment stones.
KingCheez Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I kind of lost the banishment stones. We were playing Banishment Dodgeball.
Smon Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 I kind of lost the banishment stones. We were playing Banishment Dodgeball. Oh well that's just great, what're we supposed to banish it with now? Summoning stones? Nice work Cheez, now we can't banish it. Eh... we could... uh... put police tape on it.
KingCheez Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 We wrapped up Jon's birthday present with that
Smon Posted February 23, 2006 Posted February 23, 2006 We wrapped up Jon's birthday present with that ....uhoh... that's why his house has that dead kitten smell.
DarthAve Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 Darth_Ave, that's so over. That's not over. It doesn't end until March 8th, when season 2 is over. So ~Ha~
Klia Posted February 24, 2006 Posted February 24, 2006 That's not over. It doesn't end until March 8th, when season 2 is over. So ~Ha~
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