ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Prelude: Two thousand years ago, folk legends originated about an all powerful Sith Lord named Darth Revan, and the terrifying power he wielded. Most Jedi dismiss this legend as standard dogmatic propaganda from which all truth had decayed. Let this be known that, I Gadden Nomi, the keeper of the archives at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant have discovered something horrifying in the archives, a holocron of the notorious Sith Lord with a pregnant woman named Bastilla. Let it be known that not only did Darth Revan exist, every bit as powerful as the legends say, but he may have descendants that are living in our time….. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Chapter 1: Gadden Nomi rushed through the Jedi Temple Halls, rudely shoving his fellow Jedi from his path. Meanwhile the High Jedi Council resided inside the council chamber, awaiting to learn why their beloved archive keeper had called for this emergency meeting. The doors bursted open, startling some of the council members. “Why have you called this meeting, Gadden?” asked Grand Master Arme. Saying nothing, Gadden reached inside his cloak and pulled out an old holocron, he fiddled with its ancient and complex controls for a few moments until he finally got it to work in front of a curious yet frustrated council. Within moments two figures appeared over the holocron, a young man and a beautiful pregnant woman whom the man addressed as “Bastilla”, shock and horror filled the room when Bastilla addressed the man as “Revan”. The holocron ended and an awkward silence hung over the council. “How do we even have proof that his bloodline didn’t end?” proposed Jedi Master Hame. “This is true, if there was a descendant of Revan alive today, we would have sensed it” said Master Otno, supporting Master Hame’s suggestion. “Whether what Master Hame says is true or not, this is an urgent matter that we must investigate” commanded Grand Master Arme “Gadden, you search the archives for more clues, we will need to gather multiple scout parties, composed of republic soldiers and Jedi, led by someone in this room” “I will lead the parties” said Jedi Master Dajron, a man of normal stature with long black hair, medium skin tone, and brown eyes. “All in favor say aye” Arme sternly commanded” A unanimous vote gave Dajron the mission. (one week later….) Dajron sat inside the nameless Republic cruiser thinking about the dire importance of his mission. Through the past week he read about Darth Revan, his assignment was to trace the course of Revan’s family history through the past two thousand years. Six other Jedi followed by a squad of republic troopers boarded the ship. “Master, how do you intend on finding Revan’s descendant?” asked one of the young Jedi Knights. “There are five other squads of Republic troops, one will assume command of this squad, and five others will assume command of the others boarded on five other cruisers in this hangar. I have read all of the limited information that we have about Darth Revan, after coming back to the light, he lived the rest of his life in peace after destroying the Star Forge. The records say his death and funeral both took place in Theed, Naboo. Which is where we will begin our search, I can only pray that Gadden will find more information on the archives.” responded Dajron. The six Jedi bowed and all but one of them left to board the other cruisers. After many long, silent hours Dajron landed upon the grand city of Theed and greeted by the Queen of Naboo herself. The Jedi Master asked to see the head librarian of Naboo immediately. The Queen granted permission, Dajron bowed and began to walk to the library, gesturing for the six Jedi to follow. One of the Jedi walked up beside Dajron and asked: “Master Dajron, isn’t it against the Jedi Code to bring troops on a peaceful planet?” “It is, but if there is a descendant of Revan alive today, the Sith most likely are looking for him too, these troops are here to combat the Sith troops if they cross our path.” Dajron responded. The Seven Jedi halted, Dajron looked and saw that they were at their destination. He signaled for the six Jedi to remain outside the library as he conducted business with the head librarian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 comments and constructive criticism welcome. it will pick up. once again sry for the double post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Chapter 2: Dajron was cordially greeted by the head librarian named Arthana, then he was ushered into the head librarians chamber. “Sit down, Master Jedi,” Arthana requested. “Thank you, but I am afraid I am here solely on business” Dajron said while taking his seat. “What is it you wish to know Master Jedi?” Arthana asked in a friendly tone. “What do you know about Darth Revan and his offspring?” A more solemn tone filled the room, Arthana’s eyes widened. “Ah, you seek information on Revan, by coming here I take it you know he died here, in this very city?” “Yes, what became of his child?” “His son’s name was Xyvion Revan, Revan trained him in the arts of the force all by himself, without the council’s knowledge, Xyvion was a powerful Jedi. He was last seen on this planet when he departed for Alderaan. There were some reports from citizens on Alderaan of seeing him with a woman but it was nothing official.” “This is all you know?” Dajron asked. “Unfortunately, yes. People with extensive knowledge of Revan are hard to find, you must search selectively” “I see, thank you” Dajron said politely. They both stood, they bowed and Dajron exited the room. Once out of the library, the six Jedi followed him back to the ship. Dajron was flustered because he traveled such a far distance for such a small amount of information. Once they reached the starport Dajron was greeted by the colonel of the republic troops who were left in the hangar to stand guard. “Sir, in your absence we received an urgent message from head archivist Gadden, he said it relates to Revan” reported the colonel. A rush of excitement burst into the somewhat demoralized Dajron. He ran into the ship and contacted the awaiting archivist. “Gadden, it is Master Dajron, what did you wish to report?” asked Dajron. “Master, during my thorough investigations I’ve seemed to have come across a second holocron that will aid you in your effort” responded Gadden. “Tell me” “This holocron is precisely eight hundred years old, so it saves you one thousand two hundred years of information to look for” Gadden boasted “Okay so since, Revan, all of his descendants were all powerful force users, most were jedi up until his family was found to having lovers, apparently a secret continuation of Revan’s line had been going on without our knowledge Until eight hundred years ago, when we discovered about their secrets and expelled them from the order. Supposedly the descendant expelled was a woman named Marina Revan, after her expulsion she and her lover spent the rest of their lives on Correlia” “This is very helpful, I deeply thank you.” Dajron switched off his communicator, he was ecstatic about Gadden’s discovery. He found it simply astounding that Revan’s family was so powerful that they made their dealings and very existence undetectable by the Jedi. Dajron walked out of his ship back into the starport where his Jedi and troopers stood conversing with one another, awaiting his orders. “Teams 3 and 5 will accompany mine to Correlia. Teams 2, 4 and 6 will remain here and look for more information on Revan’s family history.” Dajron commanded “ To the teams remaining here, always have someone standing by on the communicator to receive further orders” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Two first great Chapters. I've never had a thought that Revan would have a kid. Looking foward to seeing more. Please check out any of my Fanfics. Oh and welcome to the forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Looks good so far. I had the same idea in mind but slightly different. Welcome to the forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 thanks guys. ill have more up later today so stay tuned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Good stuff so far Sciex. Welcome to the forums Though you may want to consider an extra paragraph or two. Makes it a bit easier on the eyes for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 here 'tis. Chapter 3: Dajron was overwhelmed by the fact that he was closer than anybody to solving the mystery behind Revan’s elusive family history. He sat next to his fellow Jedi Knight on the spacious cruiser that was en route to Correlia. “It is quite possible that this planet will be where our target is” Dajron commented “Which means the Sith are either one short step ahead or one short step behind, either way we have to hurry” The young Jedi said nothing; he was contemplating what his first encounter with a real Sith Lord would be like. The ship shot out of hyperspace, they were at their destination. The young Jedi stood up: “When we land I want this team split in two, half will go with Master Dajron and half will go with me, we will scan the city of coronet for clues, the person we are searching for could very well be on this planet” The Jedi Kinght commanded. Dajron was amazed by the young Jedi’s leadership, he leaned over and asked: “What is your name?” Flattered, the young Jedi responded “My name is Keron Ali-Tibben” answered the Jedi. The ship halted, Dajron and Keron pulled the the hoods to their cloaks over their heads. When they exited the spacecraft they found that their other two teams were already waiting for them in the hangar. The second Dajron stepped into the hangar he felt a massive power on this planet. Once he felt this almost divine power he knew that the person he was seeking was on this planet. He proceeded to give orders: “Jedi, do you feel that? It’s unlike anything I have felt before, it seems Revan’s descendant is standing on the same planet that we stand upon, Keron, you contact Grand Master Arme and report that we are on Correlia, the planet where Revan’s descendant resides. All teams are now under my command. We will stick together until we find this person” Dajron commanded. Soon he felt another power appear on the planet, it was less powerful but more mature, the darkness behind this second power sent a shiver down his spine. As predicted the Sith were in persuit of Revan’s descendant. When Keron emerged from the ship the look on his face told Dajron that he was aware of a Sith Lord’s presence. The squads followed Dajron out of the hangar and then halted when he did. “On second thought, everybody but Keron stay here. We needn’t draw attention to ourselves. Keron and I shall go alone” Dajron stated. Keron and Dajron exited the hangar silently side by side. “How will we learn of his whereabouts?” Keron curiously asked. “This power is large enough to track down ourselves, we simply follow it.” Dajron responded. After hours of searching; their sleuthing brought them to a slum just outside Coronet. “This is a rather odd place for a powerful force user to live” Keron commented, “Shhh.” Dajron commanded “I sense that the Sith Lord is close too. We need to move with haste” The two Jedi silently sprinted until they came upon a back alley. The enormous force power they sensed was radiating from that dark alley. “Keron, stay here and stand guard, I am going in alone. If the person is hostile we should try not to upset it” Dajron commanded. Entering the back alley gave Dajron an adrenaline rush like he never felt before. It was so dark that he couldn’t see the hand that he held out in front of him. The next thing he knew he was suspended in mid air. “Who are you” echoed a youthful voice from deeper in the back alley. “My name is Jedi Master Lio Dajron, I mean you no harm, and who are you?” Dajron responded. “My name is Ayro Revan” echoed the voice. A smirk appeared on Dajron face, he had finally found the descendant of a man powerful enough to destroy an entire army, a man intelligent enough to defeat the Mandalorians. He was in the presence of the Great Revan’s posterity. Dajron heard the hiss of lightsabers coming from behind him, the Sith Lord had arrived. “Listen Ayro, please let me go, a terrible person is coming, I need to defend you” Dajron requested. To his surprise, Ayro granted his request and he dropped to the ground. Dajron sprinted out from the back alley. When light returned to his eyes he saw Keron impaled on a red lightsaber. Then he dropped to the ground, dead. Wielding the red lightsaber was a figure cloaked in black, with piercing yellow eyes glowing from his haggard face. Dajron activated his lightsaber and assumed his battle stance. “Before you die, my name is Darth Vailosis” boasted the Sith Lord. “Arrogance is a sign of weakness” Dajron swiftly retorted. The two warriors began to duel. Dajron used The Force to push Darth Vailosis backwards, Vailosis gracefully landed on his feet; he cut at Dajron’s feet. Vailosis’ attack failed when Dajron lept in the air. “I’ve won this match, Jedi!” Vailosis proclaimed. Vailosis shot Force Lighting at the airborne Jedi. Without panicking, Dajron held his lightsaber out in front of him absorbing the lightning. “The boy’s destiny is with the Sith, as was his ancestor, The Great Darth Revan.” Vailosis argued. “No, Revan saw the error of his ways and his wife and all of his descendants were Jedi” Dajron responded. “Don’t be so sure” Vailosis said. Before he had a chance to explain himself Force Lightning shot out from the back alley. A young boy wearing tattered, dirty and worn garments; he looked unusual with his crimson red hair and black rectangular markings on his chin and both cheeks. Dajron felt a sense of awe and humiliation when he discovered a small boy was powerful enough to suspend him in mid air and bring a Sith Lord to his knees with such an advanced Force technique. “Boy, don’t resist the inevitable, you will be Darth Revan II.” Vailosis said. “Apparently he has no desire to join you, Darth.” Dajron said. “Your kind killed my parents.” Ayro said angrily. Dajron felt Ayro’s power rising, though he was powerful, he had little control over his gifts.He felt controlling Ayro’s rising anger would be a problem, he hoped he would overcome it. “That’s it, release your anger” Vailosis said seductively. He walked over to Ayro and prepared to lift him up. Dajron held his lightsaber parallel to Ayro, in front of the Sith Lords path, “Don’t try it” Dajron said sternly. Vailosis ignored Dajron’s warning and with a quick flick of Dajron’s lightsasber, off came Vailosis’ hands. Vailosis shrieked in pain, “This isn’t over, Jedi scum!” Vailosis threatened. Vailosis levitated his cloak, he dropped his cloak over his body and the cloak collapsed, he had vanished into thin air. Dajron deactivated his lightsaber and muffled Ayro’s hair. “When did you learn to do that?” Dajron asked. “I learned myself. These powers just popped up.” Ayro responded. Dajrons eyes widened in amazement “How long have you been an orphan?” “3 years, Sith appeared in my house one day and killed my parents, they tried to take me but I ran away.” “Ah, well would you like to come with me to Coruscant and become a Jedi?” Dajron asked. “Like my daddy wanted? Yes, I do.” Ayro happily responded. Dajron held out his hand, Ayro grasped it and they walked back to the starport in Coronet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Revan II. It has a nice ring to it. He didn't make the same mistake as his Father luckily. I look forward to reading more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 hey ill prolly have chap 4 up by tonight but dont hold me to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zadi Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Revan's Bloodline is a good concept however your story feels very rushed. Another thing is that the Jedi are known to "love their secrets" and by having so many Jedi on the search for Revan's decendants it really feels out of place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Revan's Bloodline is a good concept however your story feels very rushed. Another thing is that the Jedi are known to "love their secrets" and by having so many Jedi on the search for Revan's decendants it really feels out of place. yea i was worried about it being rushed but its better than just wording around and not going anywhere with it, i mean if he had to go to another planet i was afraid that the reader might lose interest. as for it being out of place, they also weren't sure of his whereabouts, so they wanted to cover more ground in the form of search parties, cliche but it works. and to the people it IS a secret nobody held up a sign saying "HEY WE ARE SEARCHING FOR DARTH REVAN"S DESCENDANT!" so it is a secret. but thanks for your two cents, i appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 another thing i was thinking about with the search parties and all is that the Jedi are also known to break the code and their traditions during times of emergency, and when there is a powerful force user that could be a Sith, id say that falls under the category of emergency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darth traya_321 Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 i like pretty cool!!! it's pretty cool how you describe revan descendants. i also like the fact that you explain them so clearly. if i were one to judge a story your rating would 100%. can't wait to read your next chapter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 ahh here we go again Chapter 4: Back at the starport the floor was littered with dead bodies. “It seems Vailosis’ platoon found mine” Dajron observed. Ayro stood silent looking around at the corpses. Dajron proceeded to speak: “I am-” “That Jedi isn’t dead” Ayro interrupted. “How do you know?” Dajron asked “That Jedi’s heart is still beating, I can hear it” Dajron walked over and felt the Jedi’s pulse, as Ayro stated, he was alive. Dajron struggled to lift the Jedi off of the ground and placed him in the medical bay of the republic cruiser. Then he quickly ushered Ayro into the ship. Before lift off, Dajron contacted Grand Jedi Master Arme: “Master Arme, I have Revan’s descendant, I am on my way back to Coruscant.” Dajron reported. “How powerful is the child?” asked Arme. “Like nothing I’ve ever seen, he is a small boy yet he managed to bring a strong, fully trained Sith Lord to his knees” “Hmmm…Bring him back here, he’s going to appear before before the council. While we are on this matter what Sith Lord did you encounter?” “One I have never seen before, his name is Darth Vailosis.” “Bring the boy back to the temple, he will be safe from the Sith here, we will discuss what is to become of him” “Yes, Master” Dajron turned off the communicator and set a course for Courscant. The vessel lifted from the hangar and vanished into hyperspace. During the hours in transit, Ayro turned out to be quiet but friendly boy. When they landed on Coruscant, Dajron was welcomed as a hero. The wounded Jedi was in stable condition upon their arrival and was rushed to the medical clinic in the temple. Dajron and Ayro were escorted to the council chamber. The Jedi council was unsure about how to deal with this situation; everyone in Revan’s line had been exposed as defiant and arrogant. Dajron and Ayro entered the council’s chamber. They walked into the middle of the circular room, surrounded by the great Jedi Masters. “Masters, this is Ayro Revan, the direct descendant of Revan whom I was dispatched to seek. “Dajron announced. The council looked at his unusual appearance. His dirty, blood-stained clothes, untamed crimson hair, and peculiar markings made him stand out from all the other people in the room. Finally silence broke after many uneasy moments. “Where did you find him?” asked Grand Master Arme. “In a slum on the outskirts on Coronet, Correlia, his abilities amazed me” responded Dajron as Ayro stood in front of him, silent and nearly trembling in the presence of the High Jedi Council. “What did you witness?” “When I first met him he lifted me in the air using the force, and he managed to hold me there. I couldn’t move” said Dajron with a subtle one of embarrassment. “Then this new Sith, Darth Vailosis was struck by his Force Lightning, which turned the battle in my favor. He has the ability to harness both Light and Dark side powers regardless of his allegiance. Then upon our return to the starport, all of our troops had met demise. The Sith brought troops with them as we predicted. He heard one of the wounded Jedi’s hearbeat, if it weren’t for him one of our comrades would have died” “Hmmm.” Arme grunted “He is still young enough to be trained, but there still are a few things we must discuss. Please exit, we will summon you when we’ve reached a verdict.” Arme used the Force to slide the door open and gestured for the two to exit. The wait seemed like an eternity but boredom broke when Dajron caught word that the three search parties landed safely on Coruscant and the leading Jedi had important information for him. Dajron asked the messenger to look after Ayro as he received this crucial piece of information. The Jedi he was looking for sat inside the library of the temple telling Gadden of his find. “Ah, Dajron, you are here, good” said the Jedi. “You called for me?” Dajron asked. “Yes, after hours of diligent searching the library on Naboo, I came across a datapad written by Xyvion Revan. According to him he wasn’t an only child.” “He had a sibling, isn’t that irrelevant?” “Ah, that is what I thought too, until I searched deeper for works about his brother, Ugauco Revan. The reason why Xyvion left Naboo was to take their sibling conflicts away from Naboo to let the elderly Revan live the remainder of this life in peace.” “Describe this conflict” “Master, Xyvion’s brother, Ugauco was a Sith Lord. Revan’s line became divided by Xyvion and Ugauco, Xyvion’s line followed the ways of the Jedi, for the most part and Ugauco’s line has the teachings of the Sith passed down through it.” “Is that it?” asked Dajron. “Almost, Xyvion also wrote about a distant descendant who would resolve this conflict and reunite the Revan family. From how Ayro has been described to me, I have reason to believe Ayro is the boy in the prophecy.” responded the Jedi. “Has Gadden told the council of this development?” Dajron asked. “He is currently on his way to do so.” responded the Jedi. The messenger entered the library with Ayro at his side. “Master Dajron, the council has reached a verdict, they will see you now” said the messenger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 comments???????????????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darth traya_321 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 that's it. what would happen with aryo. and what will the counsil verdict be? will aryo be train in the the ways of the jedi? or somewhere in the trainning will he fall to the teaching's of the sith??? you left me clueless but hey, so good so far. love the story 2 thumbs upp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 the point was to leave u on a cliffhanger, thats what keeps u coming back. no thats not the end. new post will be coming probably tommorrow night. once again dont hold me to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Another great Chapter. Keep posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Sounds good so far. I would suggest spacing between paragraphs, makes it easier on me eyes. Still it sounds good. Keep posting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master_ Tyvokka Posted February 23, 2006 Share Posted February 23, 2006 I know someone said this already but you do need to really slow it down a bit. It would make your story much better. I think it is pretty good so far but if you slowed it down that would make it alot better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 relax, u forget that this is only the beginning of the story, i had to rush it a bit to get to the main part of the story which i am getting close to. so dont say its rushed until i get to the main part of the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 Chapter 5: Dajron and Ayro walked side by side through the halls of the Jedi temple, they were seconds away from learning the judgment that the council would pass on Ayro Revan. The doors to the council chambers slid open, the Jedi Masters all had poker faces. Ayro looked up at Dajron and then around the room, his heart beat was on a steady incline. “As you know we have come to a decision” stated Arme. “Yes, what will become of Ayro?” asked Dajron. “As you know Ayro’s family has been known to be defiant due to their natural power in the Force. But, not admitting him as a Jedi would be making a powerful Sith, for if we do not accept him, the Sith certainly will. With Gadden’s piece of information that was just delivered; we believe the only wise decision would be to have him trained” Ayro’s face brightened with a rarely seen smile, Dajron sighed in relief. Ayro had finally begun to realize his dream. “Since Ayro will not be an ordinary Jedi, he cannot receive ordinary training. He shall not be instated as a youngling as this would merely hold him back, rather, he will be assigned a master immediately. The boy seems to be fond of you, Dajron. Are you up to the challenge?” The Jedi Master looked Arme straight in the eye and nodded. “Very good, now get this boy in his proper robes; this is no way for a young apprentice to look.” Arme declared. Ayro and Dajron bowed, they exited the room. “Come, Ayro we must get you in your apprentice robes, and while we are it, get you a bath.” Dajron chuckled. Ayro smiled and said “I guess from now on I’m going to call you Master?” “Indeed, your training begins tomorrow, don’t expect it to be easy” Dajron responded. The Master and Apprentice chuckled and engaged in friendly conversation as they walked down the hall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 23, 2006 Author Share Posted February 23, 2006 there it is, sry, its short. Preview for the next chapter: 13 years later............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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