Guest Thrawn Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 You may not know it, but I am a writer of sorts. I guess you could say I'm like a Dave Barry. I write a lot of sarcastic columns and such, and I've even had a column in my school newspaper and lit magazine. However, I have recently been trying to find a place to publish my columns outside of school. Getting paid would be a nice bonus, but it's not necessary. I just want to publish some of my work. If anybody knows of a place where I can do this, or just a publication that likes to get my kind of writing, would you please let me know about it. Even if it's just a person who could help me. You can just post about it here, or mail me at bilbo070@yahoo.com Thanks. ------------------ "Noobies Suck" ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Sceltor Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 I'm uninformed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Zaarin Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 If you're uninformed, what does that make me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taarkin Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 I don't think there is an informed amongst us. ------------------ Was I supposed to eat the heads too? 'Cause I took nooo prisioners! Once again, evil is defeated through the use of decorative agricultural technology! Official forum Psychic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Redwing Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 I'm not informed. But then again, I never am. ------------------ At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zoom Rabbit Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 Well, if you're willing to forgo to luxury of payment, an excellent place to try your hand with writing is RIGHT FREAKING HERE. The forums on the internet are instantaneously publishing, and you get the benefit of feedback, continuing discussion of your thoughts, etc. You get to find out firsthand how your ideas are received by others, and which were misunderstood by your readers (an insight which is rare with printed media, but obvious in a discussion forum.) So why not do your columns here? If it's an editor you want, just e-mail me your password and I'll do it for you... (Joking!) I look forward to seeing your stuff. ------------------ 'What's up is clearly defined as the opposite of what is down, in this case being the strongest source of local gravity...failing that, in space, what's up is opposite the direction of accelerative G-force--or what I'm targeting with these laser cannon. Die, b*tch!' --Official forum space terrorist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 Be careful what you whish for guys I'll post a couple if you want. I guess I'll post my Star Trek one first. I don't consider it to be one of my best. It just made me mad that the President, well former president now, said "Star Trek is the most popular sicence fiction franchise in the world." Next post will be the column! ------------------ "You'd have to use a ladder to rise to my level of crap!" ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 Stardate 1.079152.3719.1138.1800-CALL.ATT. The U.S.S. Voyager has finally returned home to Earth and Federation space, leaving enough lose plot lines to fill an entire wormhole. It is a happy time, both for the cast, crew, and fans. Some of the later episodes in this series made me want to hit something with my Bat'Leth (I can’t believe that I’m writing in Klingon. I feel so dirty now). Don’t get me wrong here, I like Star Trek, I really do. I’ve watched it since The Next Generation (TNG). I’ve also watched the show evolve from featuring strange aliens, senseless violence, and bad special effects, to one that features strange aliens, senseless violence and good special effects. Who says that time doesn’t change television? But now there seems to be light at the end of the trans-warp tunnel. The next Trek series, Enterprise, is scheduled to debut this fall on UPN, or the Ultra Pathetic Network, known far and wide in television circles for its lack of any kind of programming whatsoever. The president of UPN, Tom Nunan, unveiled Enterprise a few days ago. In a speech given to the press, Mr. Nunan revealed the catch phrase for the fifth installment of the Star Trek franchise: “The Final Frontier has a new beginning.” Translation: “Hey, let’s take everything we know about the origins of Star Trek and throw it out the air lock!” Yes, that’s right folks, in one swift stroke, thirty-five years of Trek history has been wiped from the data banks. The Enterprise commanded by Kirk and Spock was not the first starship to be designated Enterprise. I’m sure that angers Kirk more than being trapped in the same room with a bunch of Klingons and Tribbles! Mr. Nunan went on into further detail. Apparently, he was trying to enter the Guinness Book of World Records by using as many Star Trek clichés and phrases as possible in the same sentence. Think I’m kidding? Here is an actual quote from the press release: “Every version of the Star Trek franchise takes off the landing pad at warp speed, with thrusters on full, blasting away the competition, living long and prospering.” I don’t even have a joke for that. Well, not another one anyway. The real question is that with so many ships bearing the name Enterprise, how will the common folk be able to keep track of them all? I’m sure that the answer is as far away as a warp jump to go see your friendly neighborhood Trekkie. Only they have the three thousand encyclopedias, dictionaries, technology books, and chronologies for you to assimilate all of the information you could ever want to know, and some that you don’t. Will Enterprise be the show that saves Star Trek’s aft? Let’s hope that it is the light at the end of the tunnel. Unless of course, it’s a photon torpedo. ------------------ "You'd have to use a ladder to rise to my level of crap!" ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Sceltor Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 Heh, interesting. That does sound like something that ex-President Dumbass, er, Clinton would say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rogue 9 Posted July 21, 2001 Share Posted July 21, 2001 I like it except for the Star Trek bashing...good writing though, and for all you evil ones out there I liked voyager so naay and don't tell me it doesn't compare to the others it wasn't meant too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Zaarin Posted July 21, 2001 Share Posted July 21, 2001 Very well written, I must say. That almost completely sums up my opinions on modern Trek. I used to be a fan (although by no means an obsessed, cross-section-diagram-wielding nutter, much as some of you might think.) I never really watched the original, but I liked most of TNG, and a fair bit of DS9 (before they threw the whole show out the window into the realm of supreme badly-written nonsense in season 7. Not to mention the reusing of special effects - did anyone else notice how almost every single battle sequence in S7 had been seen somewhere before? Did they suddenly lose two thirds of the CGI budget or something? (</bracketed rant> ) ). What I think they fail to realise is that ST is a done concept. It's been going for what, 30 years now, gone through hundreds, if not thousands of plotlines, and it's almost impossible to come up with anything new. At least not without utterly destroying the cosy each-episode-is-completely-separate, nothing-is-ever-allowed-to-happen-to-the-Federation system, and I don't think they're going to do that somehow. Voyager was shallow and unbelievable (I mean come on, how can you have a ship, completely alone, on a quest to find it's way across 60000 light years of space, stopping for useless scientific exploration every 2 seconds?), and Enterprise sounds pathetic. For goodness sake, will someone just end it..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Sceltor Posted July 21, 2001 Share Posted July 21, 2001 I kinda like Trek, but I'm mainly Star Wars. I'll see ST:X when it come out, but I'll see E2 twice as many times, if not more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jabba The Hunt Posted July 21, 2001 Share Posted July 21, 2001 Trek is good so is wars, the problem they have with trek is that they do "character building episodes" which explain why belanna torres blames her self for her father leaving her or 7 of 9 wants to screw commander wierd face tattoo. This is wrong to me, star trek is supposed to be escapism, not mindless drama, at the moment i prefere star wars to trek, but im waiting to see what enterprise is like, although i think ill still watch it im not to sure about it, oh and i liked season 7 of ds9 except for the fact that they kept reusing the same effects again and again, even in the last episode nothing was new. ------------------ "Its Going down his leg i think we are going to have to amputate. "No, dont take the leg, dont let them take the leg, they cant take the leg!!!" "Its heading for his testicles" "Take it, take the leg!!!" jabbathehunt@hotmail.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Zaarin Posted July 21, 2001 Share Posted July 21, 2001 What I particularly didn't like about S7 of DS9 was them far, far overusing the whole 'prophets' thing. The war was almost sidelined in favour of that, and if there's one thing I can't stand it's the old TOS 'We've got a good story, but we can't think of a way to end it, so let's make up an omnipotent energy being!' routine. Once there's someone all powerful, able to see the future, or whatever, it makes the whole thing kinda pointless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 Nice Job Thrawn. I was looking forward to the war in DS9 however I stopped watching it when the killed the original Dax. I loved watching TNG, That has to be the best series and the movies were also enjoyable. I'll hold my opion on the new show for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 Thanks for the input fellas. I'll post another one tomorrow. TNG was and is the best series by far. DS9 I agree was good till S7. Voyager had it's good shows. The problem is that they've left ST's core message. It's a show about values and humanity. It isn't an action movie. They forget that a lot in those shows. One of the best ones I think was with Belana having issues about her baby being half Klingon. ------------------ "You'd have to use a ladder to rise to my level of crap!" ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 Question: Which column should I post? One about traffic in and around Washington D.C., or one about Women and their purses? ------------------ "You'd have to use a ladder to rise to my level of crap!" ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zargon Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 purses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Sceltor Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 Yes, purses! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coffeebean_uk Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 I think it is very good. But how do they do it? Pike was the first Captain of the TOS Enterprise. By teh fact it is NCC 1701 Not 1701-A it is the first NCC ever to carry the name Enterprise. I suppose it could be an SS some one told me that the Federation did not exist in Enterprise. Either way. Thrawn, is good give us more. And i think that 35 years of star trek history is not the only thing going out of the airlock. Any hope of star trek ever being succesful again goes with it. ------------------ Yea as I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death. I shall fear no evil, For I have The BIGGEST F***ING Stick in the valley. - Deep Blue Sea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 Here's the one about purses for ya DS. Perhaps you have shared the same experiences with them as I? Scully’s Got A Brand New Bag There is a part of the female body which no man understands. It isn’t really alive, yet it moves with surprising agility and speed; completely synchronized with the rest of the body. At times, it seems to act like another appendage, but it isn’t an arm or leg. What is this body part? Why, a girl’s purse of course! What did you think? The enigma of the purse has eluded man for ages. We have, and most likely never will, understand completely this part of a woman. What is its purpose? Where did it come from? What lies at the bottom of its murky depths? I shall try to spread some light onto this puzzle. Most likely, I will create more questions than I will answer. This is starting to sound like an episode of the X-Files. Rumor has it that the purse is used for the storage and the transportation of a woman’s belongings. My reliable sources confirm this. I have watched many of my friends (who are girls) to see what they put in, and take out of their own purses. Normal items include pens, pencils, make up, tissues, and a lie detector for their boyfriends. It seems that there is no end to its storage capacity! From personal experience, I know that the purse can be an elegant and formidable weapon. Yet at the same time, it can be a pillow or a teddy bear. How is this possible? The plot thickens! Where did the purse come from? There are two ways to view this answer: with faith or with science. My personal belief is that women have had purses since the beginning of time. When God created Eve, she came complete with a purse, though she had no clothes. Go figure. The scientific explanation was developed by Darwin. As humans evolved, females adapted to their surroundings. They needed a tool with which they could discipline their mates and keep order. Thus, the purse was created. A growth developed over the generations on their sides, that eventually developed into a purse, and detached from their side. What lies at its murky depths? Nobody knows for sure. Man has only gotten close enough to see the outer edge. Perhaps there is no bottom. Could the purse be never-ending, a seemingly miniature black hole? Is it an alien device? This would certainly explain how some things fit. But how can a woman use it without getting caught in the vortex herself? This is an X-File after all! ------------------ "You'd have to use a ladder to rise to my level of crap!" ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flying Beastie Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 I don't like purses. Women are allowed to carry a small warehouse around with them, but we men are socially prohibited from carrying anything that we can't fit in our pants. Originally posted by Thrawn: Stardate 1.079152.3719.1138.1800-CALL.ATT. Captain's Log, stardate . . . Oh, crap. Quick, Number One, what's the date? . . . No, I know it's Tuesday, what's the date? The U.S.S. Voyager has finally returned home to Earth and Federation space, leaving enough lose plot lines to fill an entire wormhole. Anyone interested in reading my alternate history version of the Voyager finale (when it's done)? (If so, i'll make a new thread, sorry for hijacking you, Thrawn.) I make it a point to clean up plot threads, respect the characters, and, unlike the Star Trek writers, I can actually write aliens. “Hey, let’s take everything we know about the origins of Star Trek and throw it out the air lock!” Yes, that’s right folks, in one swift stroke, thirty-five years of Trek history has been wiped from the data banks. The Enterprise commanded by Kirk and Spock was not the first starship to be designated Enterprise. The really sad part is that the new ship appears to be based on the design of the Akira-class. A class which was only designed during the frickin' Dominion War!!! <small>Once again, sorry for getting here late, not on to the handbags.</small> ------------------ It's like I always say: When the going gets tough, the tough . . . switch to artillery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flying Beastie Posted July 22, 2001 Share Posted July 22, 2001 BTW, Thrawn, about getting published, try your local paper. If you're in a (fairly) small town, they may be interested. You might even get paid! ------------------ It's like I always say: When the going gets tough, the tough . . . switch to artillery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zoom Rabbit Posted July 23, 2001 Share Posted July 23, 2001 Great columns, human! Personally, I'm waiting to see the new Trek series before passing judgement. Note: remember the rec room in the Enterprise from the very first Star Rek movie, with the lighted mural of all the previous ships named Enterprise? Well, it seems there is room for a preceding ship in the Star Trek universe after all... Purses? Unfair cargo advantage for women! That's why the 'ass pack' is so popular with men. By putting it around the waist, it's suddenly not a purse anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted July 23, 2001 Share Posted July 23, 2001 I've sent letters to the local papers about getting published recently. I'm waiting for responses. Which column do you want to read on Tuesday: Traffic or School Food? ------------------ "You'd have to use a ladder to rise to my level of crap!" ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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