[FIC]Star Wars: CSI vs. CSI: Pilot Episode

[CSI]

Hi, Fellas. CSI series is back. I decided to put CSI: Coruscant and CSI: Nar Shaddaa together.

 

This is NOT an epic or adventure fiction. This is indeed a DETECTIVE fiction. If you feel don't like it, please don't read along.

 

I want to thank to everybody, includes Pottsie, Dark_Lady, JediMaster12, Jae Onasi, stingerhs, and other members in this forum.

 

Disclaimer: Includes, but not limited to, Star Wars, and its logo belongs to Lucas Arts Ltd. CSI and its logo belong to CBS Studios, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Atlantic Alliance. This fiction is not intended to be commercial use, just for fun.

 

This Episode was orginated from:

 

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Episode 222: Cross Jurisdictions

CSI: Miami Episode 100: Cross Jurisdictions

[CSI]

Prologue

 

Nights at Coruscant were as sparky as usual.

 

The parties between upper-class people were as crowded as usual.

 

A lot of speeders whooshed down from the sky and drove into the parking spaces in front of the mansion. A couple of gate guards checked their identification and waved them in.

 

On the grassland, some Humans, Twi’leks, Rodians, Arhans, and other races from various planets were talking excitingly and some girls were giggling.

In the mansion, the lights had not only brightened the house, but also brightened the people’s moods. The rock music was playing, and the volume was loud enough to tear the roof over. Very many people were talking excitingly, giggling, and laughing.

 

A lot of hands were picking up foods, pouring wines, and putting down plates.

In the party, a lot of people were kissing.[i don’t know if I should censor this, but the mod said no further movements beyond kissing, so that should be fine]

 

Outside the house, still more and more people were coming. The guards were parking the speeders. A little girl stood by the window and looked into the dark sky. Even wondering what she was thinking? Nope. You have to guess. From her view, some pairs were playing on the grass.

 

Back into the room, the host was talking with his Togruta “girlfriend” when a Twi’lek came and hugged him. They all laughed.

 

“We should have these parties more than once a month.” She exclaimed excitingly.

 

“I would, but Opralli tend to get jealous.”

 

“I love you, Jabus, but if anybody should be jealous, it’s you.” Lohlaes’irn, the Twi’lek replied to Opralli, the Togruta.

 

They all laughed and Jabus Nelsiri noticed a man was standing near the door, looking at him. Because of the shadow, he can’t see his face.

 

“Who’s that guy?” Jabus asked.

 

“Hey, Jabus, I didn’t know you were into guys, too.” Lohlaes’irn smirked.

 

Then Opralli turned around to see that mysterious guy, but he vanished: “What guy?”

 

The guy was gone.

 

At the second floor, Savcen Nelsiri opened the door alarmly and made sure that nobody will disturb her, then she sighed and closed the door quietly. Then she ran into the warm bed cover. Before went to sleeping, she glanced at the clock: 12:20 am.

 

Then she slept. What a party. She thought.

 

----

 

3:45 am.

 

She was woken up by two blaster shots. Her eyes widened and got up quietly.

 

“Daddy?” She attempted to get a reply.

 

Silence.

 

She climbed out of the bed, then the door opened and revealed a man’s outline.

 

Her face suddenly became as pale as ghost.

 

----

 

The Security Force’s speeders parked in front of the mansion in matter of minutes.

 

“So, two days ago, he had a party.” Arren walked into the mansion with Nihilus, frowning, and Mira, who looked up the stairs, “High-end guest list, very private. That’s when everyone see him. Housekeeper arrives 20 minutes ago. This is what she found.” Arren lead them to the dining room. Nihilus and Mira frowned:

 

A apple blocked Jabus Nelsiri’s mouth. Jabus, stripped off the clothes, posed like a roast pig on the dining table, only without the dishes.

 

Mira’s mouth opened wide and Arren nodded emotionlessly.

 

“Ex-chief of detectives. Left to make the big bucks.” Mira concluded, “Consulting to the security at every major hotel in town, and couldn’t even protect himself.”

 

“There’s only 1 interpretation for this,” Nihilus observed when Arren turned to him, “ ‘Kill the pig.’”

 

“And what about the rest of his family?” Mira asked.

 

“No sign of the wife.” Arren shook her head.

 

“What about the daughter?” Mira asked again.

 

“Housekeeper assumed that she spent the weekend with the grandmother.”

 

“Assumed?” Mira ran upstairs to Savcen’s room and looked around. She looked into the clothes shelves and opened the bed cover. No one was there.

 

Nihilus and Arren came in, Mira said with a sigh: “She’s gone.”

[Dark_Lady]

Sweet! It started off a little shaky, but the rest of it was great. I can't wait to read more (although I guess I have to). Keep up the good work!

[Diego Varen]

Very good Prologue CSI. Thanks for the credit in the first post too. Both Nar Shaddaa and Coruscant together. I like both planets, so I don't know who I'd want to win. Looking foward to more as always.

[CSI]

Very good Prologue CSI. Thanks for the credit in the first post too. Both Nar Shaddaa and Coruscant together. I like both planets, so I don't know who I'd want to win. Looking foward to more as always.

 

Yes, I combined them together, but however, it's not a race. Later I should open a vote for which one is better, CSI Coruscant or CSI Nar Shaddaa in this "Pilot Episode".

[JediMaster12]

Very good CSI. The description is excellent. I see grammar and spelling are improved. As to that part about the kissing, that is fine. What you should censor are things of intimate nature. Often subtle hints imply what is going on and is better than outright saying it like a few erotic novels I have read. I still shudder at the memory of it.

Anyway good job and I'll have your beta for you ASAP.

[CSI]

[Off topic: I want to thank you to be here for showing your support and concern on my story. I'll let crew in CSI Nar Shaddaa appear in next chapter, hopefully.]

 

Chapter 1

 

“His wife and daughter are missing,” Outside the mansion, Nihilus made a short brief to Malak, Carth, and Visas, “His silver Grand Prix GT Speeder is also missing. We’re looking for any signs of forced entry in the house, any signs of ransack that’s not associated with the party.” Then they walked towards the mansion.

 

Visas frowned: “OK.” Such a high profile case, She thought.

 

They were greeted by Malak’s nemesis, Detective Arren Kae. She spoke in a calm tone: “We need serious damage control. When the media gets ahold of it, it’s going to be bad for morale all around.” Arren noted the reporters were just like wind. They will get any valuable and exclusive footages with any cost. “So watch your step.” Arren said finally.

 

“I’ll take the downstairs.” Malak said after Nihilus.

 

“OK, I’ll be above you.” Carth nodded and backed Malak up.

 

----

 

“Looks like Execution-Style.” Nihilus observed the corpse under the aid of Jolee Bindo, the chief medical examiner. Mira was looking around for any trace around the corpse.

 

“At least one shot to the back of the head.” Jolee nodded and indicated the wounds, and he noted the victim’s hands, “And a lot of bruising around these handcuffs.”

 

“So he probably fought back.” Nihilus nodded.

 

“Without a doubt.” Jolee approved.

 

“Found a blaster hole.” Mira announced and both Nihilus and Jolee raised up their heads. Then Nihilus moved to the hole and bent down to do a close observe to the hole: “Nine-millimeter, standard issue. They’re widely used among the Security Force Officers.” The blasters are penetrable through almost every surfaces.

 

“So where do you suppose the chief keeps his gun safe?” Mira asked Nihilus.

 

Nihilus fell back to his thinking. Jolee said nothing.

 

----

 

Behind a secret door, a safe mysteriously appeared when a locksmith opened it. Then he pulled out a lightdagger, carefully inserted it near the lock, then used the Force Sight to spot the right spot of gears of the lock. Behind him, Arren and Mira was looking at him curiously. Slowly, he turned the code plate a few times, then with a faint “click”, the lock surrendered and he opened the safe door.

 

“We’re in.” He said professionally.

 

“Thank you.” Mira appreciated him.

 

“No problem.” He replied.

 

“What do you got?” Arren asked Mira when she bent down to take out items inside the safe.

 

Mira said nothing but handed her a small blaster. Arren took a look at the caliber: “.38.”

 

Then Mira found another even smaller blaster: “Nice.”

 

“Pearl handle .25.” Arren observed.

 

“Clear? I’m looking for that .9.” Mira reached out for that blaster box. Putting it on the desk, she opened the box. The former Security Force badge was inside, but the .9mm blaster was gone. “So you think the chief might have kept his signature piece someplace else?” Mira asked Arren.

 

Arren frowned and thought deliberately: “No. Look at this, ‘For 25 years of distinguished service.’ A honor like that. Keep it in the case.”

 

“Yeah.” Mira sighed, then nodded reluctantly.

 

----

 

On the way to the gate, Mira thought aloud: “So I’m thinking that the wife might be on this.”

 

Nihilus turned to face Mira: “Why didn’t she plan better? Pack the kid’s clothes.”

 

“What?”

 

“The nanny told me that she only took one shirt—one the kid wouldn’t even wear.”

 

“The Security guard.” Zaalbar, the Wookie detective, introduced the security guard to them, “He did see each speeder that left that night of the party, and morning.”

 

“Chief Nelsiri left around 5 a.m.” The security guard looked up at his journal, “5:14, to be exact.”

 

At 5:14 in the morning, he saw a man driving the Chief’s speeder and drove out of the gate. The driver waved to him and Ms. Nelsiri and her daughter, Savcen, sitting by her.

 

“You saw Chief Nelsiri leave?” Nihilus asked suspiciously.

 

“Yeah, he was with his wife and kid.” The Security guard answered, “And he had his baseball cap and sunglasses on, like he always does.”

 

“So you saw a baseball cap and sunglasses.” Mira interrupted.

 

Then the intercom beeped to indicate a call is for Nihilus.

 

Then Mira continued: “Did you actually see the chief’s face?”

 

“Well, actually, I didn’t.” The security guard admitted.

 

Nihilus went away to answer the call. He accepted the call, and Arren’s hologram appeared on the base. With some inaudible conversation, Nihilus went back and announced: “Arren found the chief’s Grand Prix.”

 

Great, just made my day, Mira thought.

[Diego Varen]

Good Chapter CSI. Your Chapter length has improved so much and I'm looking foward to more. Nice to hear the Nar Shaddaa CSI crew might return.

[CSI]

Good Chapter CSI. Your Chapter length has improved so much and I'm looking foward to more. Nice to hear the Nar Shaddaa CSI crew might return.

 

Thank you very much for compliments. I'll work on Chapter 2 later.

[JediMaster12]

Good job CSI. I can see a lot more in terms or exchange and assessment of the situation. What I think would make it better is if you put a bit of the character's personalities from the game into your fic. I see you have Jolee Bindo as your chief coroner. What would make it really good is to have him say a trademark phrase like "Don't talk back to your elders" or "I'm old dammit!" It gives more personality to the character. It will make the characters more fuller. That is what happene d in the TV series, as each episode came on, you learn more about the characters and what makes them tick. Certain behaviors and attitudes and the like. Consider it. I'm sure it will make the journey worthwhile.

[CSI]

Good job CSI. I can see a lot more in terms or exchange and assessment of the situation. What I think would make it better is if you put a bit of the character's personalities from the game into your fic. I see you have Jolee Bindo as your chief coroner. What would make it really good is to have him say a trademark phrase like "Don't talk back to your elders" or "I'm old dammit!" It gives more personality to the character. It will make the characters more fuller. That is what happene d in the TV series, as each episode came on, you learn more about the characters and what makes them tick. Certain behaviors and attitudes and the like. Consider it. I'm sure it will make the journey worthwhile.

 

I will, but can anyone give me a brief list of character's famous personality? Like Bastila's famous line: "Then I suggest we get along" (I don't remember exact words, but correct me if I'm wrong."

 

Thanks again, JM12.

[JediMaster12]

Bastila is very cultured but also a spoiled Jedi Princess (Canderous' words of course). She lectures much about the darkside. Her get moving line is "Then I suggest we move along."

As to personalities, try the official kotor website with all the info on the game. There is a section that lists famous personalities for certain characters like Carth's character did Scrubs or something and Ed Asner is Vrook. I think Shem knows everyone too so give him a PM.

[CSI]

Bastila is very cultured but also a spoiled Jedi Princess (Canderous' words of course). She lectures much about the darkside. Her get moving line is "Then I suggest we move along."

As to personalities, try the official kotor website with all the info on the game. There is a section that lists famous personalities for certain characters like Carth's character did Scrubs or something and Ed Asner is Vrook. I think Shem knows everyone too so give him a PM.

 

Eh, huh. Well, Bastila is a Jedi Princess, just like Leia, right...

 

Well, I'll go check it. Thanks for the info. Also I'll PM Shem about it. Is Shem here?

[JediMaster12]

Shem is a member of LucasForums. He likes to post under the awesome images thread for KOTOR and TSL and he posts the birthday tributes to the voice actors in the Ahto forum. The newest one is to Ed Asner.

[CSI]

[Off topic: I'm just curious about the Hotel Asylum. Well, I heard a lot of people mentioned about it, but I still don't know what it is. Thanks anyway, Pottsie. Slight short chapter, hope you don't mind.]

 

Chapter 2

 

“Who found it?” Nihilus asked Arren when Mira and him were approaching the Speeder parking lot.

 

“In-house security. Blue jacket.” Arren said, “First time he saw the car was Saturday, chalked the tires twice. Saw the bulleting on the chief and called us.” Then she asked an officer when they walked close to the Grand Prix.

 

“Any bodies?” Mira shouted. She sure has an attitude,Nihilus thought amusingly.

 

“I already checked inside the car.” One of the officers answered her back.

 

“We’re waiting on you to check the trunk.” Arren added then let the officer to open the trunk for them.

 

With some precise handwork, the trunk popped open, there laid the Chief’s body. Dead.

 

“Whoa.” Then Arren’s intercom rang. “Excuse me,” Arren reached for her intercom.

 

“Who’s this?” Mira asked deliberately. Nihilus already bent down to study the corpse. When he got up, his left hand was holding a baseball cap with “Coruscant Security Force” sewed on it. Inside the cap, Nihilus noticed a small blood pool: “Chief Nelsiri?”

 

“What’s his connection to the chief?” Mira asked Nihilus.

 

“I don’t know.” Nihilus admitted, “But, if he has gunpowder residue on him, could be our shooter.”

 

“OK.” Arren hung up and announced: “Nar Shaddaa Security Force called. Several swoop bikers saw a human girl matches Savcen’s exact physical description walking along an access road.”

 

“In Nar Shaddaa?” Nihilus asked Arren in disbelief.

 

Mira said nothing. Hope Nihilus don’t dispatch me to Nar Shaddaa. She thought.

 

“Yeah.” Arren said, “Chief was shot at night 2 days ago. You can go buy a ticket for a family and go to Nar Shaddaa by public transportation for 100 Rep credits. It’s a galactic news with galactic attention. I’m not surprised we’re getting call-ins.”

 

“Well, if she’s our little girl, she’s got evidence on her from two Coruscant homicides.” Nihilus frowned and thought aloud, the sound is loud enough to make Mira turned back to look at him. “One of us should be there to process.” He looked at Mira.

 

Mira nodded, but still didn’t catch what he meant.

 

Nihilus looked at Mira, as he was hinting Mira something.

 

Mira noticed the different atmosphere and raised her head and found Nihilus was staring at her. Suddenly, her heart sank.

 

“Take Malak. You can introduce how Nar Shaddaa looks like.” Nihilus smiled grimly.

 

Mira’s mouth widened.

 

----

 

Nar Shaddaa.

 

“She’s seven years old!” An officer with a really, really big mouth shouted the bulleting, and other officers passed the brief around. “She’s wearing a pink shirt! She was last seen by a swoop biker there!” Then he pointed toward the direction of the sun, “She can be two kilometers in either direction. Think of this area as a quadrant. Divide up.” Then he shouted in directions, “You, North.” “You, South.” “Got it!”

 

Not far, Revan was looking toward the direction of the sun and turned

to look at opposite direction. Not far, a Security Force speeder parked over there. A hover transporter passed by.

 

Looking at the direction of the sun again, he seemed to noticed something. He walked towards it and noticed a small Kath Hound snorted and walked away. Revan stopped and laughed quietly. Soon, he noticed something else on the floor. He bent down and picked it up. It was a pink hair clipper.

 

Revan thought for a while and continued to walk down the path. After some while, he noticed a girl was sitting in the bushes.

 

He took a closer look to confirm that she’s Savcen. “Savcen?” He asked loudly. The little girl looked up at him.

 

Bingo, He thought. He walked towards the little girl and called again: “Savcen?” The little girl looked at him alarmingly.

 

“My name is Revan. I’m the head of Crime Unit.” Taking off his mask, Revan sat down beside Savcen and introduced himself as usual.

 

“Revan?” The little girl asked him.

 

“Yeah. That’s a funny name, isn’t it?” He smiled cheerfully, “Well, there was once a Sith Lord Darth Revan, ever heard of him?”

 

“Is your badge real?” Savcen’s eyes stayed fixed on Revan’s badge.

 

“Yes. It is. It’s real.” Revan took his badge off and gived it to Savcen who said: “My daddy’s a Security Force officer.”

 

“I know that.” Revan said when he accepted the badge Savcen gave back, and said again, “I know that.” Then he looked back at Savcen.

 

“They’re looking for me, you know.” She said.

 

“Yeah. Me, too.” He paused for a while and smiled, “Me, too.” Then he asked Savcen, “What do you think that we sit here and get found together?” Revan looked at Savcen.

 

She looked back.

 

Revan smiled.

 

Savcen smiled, too.

 

After a brief pause, Revan sighed: “What a day.”

[Diego Varen]

Another good Chapter CSI. One thing I've learnt is that it doesn't matter about how long the Chapters are (some of my Chapters in Echoes of Darkness are only one page long), it is how good the Chapters are. As long as they are done really well, then you'll be alright. Looking foward to more as always.

[CSI]

Another good Chapter CSI. One thing I've learnt is that it doesn't matter about how long the Chapters are (some of my Chapters in Echoes of Darkness are only one page long), it is how good the Chapters are. As long as they are done really well, then you'll be alright. Looking foward to more as always.

 

Come on...That's your MO, admit it. [Just kidding, no offense meant, besides, you're a nice person, I think.]

 

BTW, thanks for the compliments.

[JediMaster12]

Nice CSI. That was interesting making Revan be Horatio's character. The tough guy burt also caring. Out of curiosity, who is going to play the sister in law? You know Horatio's brother's wife? I have a strange thought in my head but...

 

As to what Pottsie mentioned, quality is just as important as quantity. The style, the amount of detail, the stuff that defines you when you write, that's important. Chpater length doesn't really matter. If you can't really say any more, then the time is to start a new chapter. If Pottsie thinks he can score some points with me, he is sadly mistaken. I am still going to wave the manuscript with Heart of Deception over his head.

 

OOC: The Hotel Asylum, it's all in our heads. Jae is the Directrice and ED is her nemisis though I never miss an opportunity to say something when I feel like it.

[Dark_Lady]

Wow, another great chapter. I agree, it's the content that counts, not the length. Keep it up!

[CSI]

Nice CSI. That was interesting making Revan be Horatio's character. The tough guy burt also caring. Out of curiosity, who is going to play the sister in law? You know Horatio's brother's wife? I have a strange thought in my head but...

 

Oh, you mean Yalina Salas? Eh, I think Nomi Sunrider will work fine...But you gave a good point. I haven't thought about it yet...Besides, I like Horatio.

 

OOC: The Hotel Asylum, it's all in our heads. Jae is the Directrice and ED is her nemisis though I never miss an opportunity to say something when I feel like it.

 

Eh, I still don't get what Hotel Asylum it is, but thanks anyway.

 

BTW, I'll keep your advice of adding their famous quote into the story in mind.

 

*Resists the power of the manuscript*.

 

Don't you have Force Immunity? BTW, what happened between you and JM12's manuscript?

 

Wow, another great chapter. I agree, it's the content that counts, not the length. Keep it up!

 

Thanks everybody for their compliments.

[JediMaster12]

I'm slowly killing him because lately I haven't posted a new chapter though I have three ready to go. The waving of the manuscript involves my current WIP because Pottsie begs for a new chapter or to know some spoilers. Like I will tell

 

The Hotel Asylum is a joke that was started. It is a hotel with the white padded rooms and we get together for our med cocktails. Mostly we are just being silly.

 

As to the different characters, play the game a few times to get a feel for the dialogue and it always helps to have the dialogue editor so you can view the dialogue with all possible responses. That's how some people have been able to use whole lines or take the line, change it but use the same attitude.

[CSI]

 

Before Nihilus left Crime Lab on Nar Shaddaa, he left a big notebook of weapon descriptions of all weapons he know, and asked Revan to let Bastila to be his successor, and Bastila really spent time to read them.

 

 

Chapter 3

 

The Corellian star shuttle landed on the surface of the Nar Shaddaa.

Just as beautiful as I left here, Mira thought, I left too many sad memories here.

 

“Burgundy speeder. Human female.” A Nar Shaddaa Security officer reported to Revan quite loudly to cover the noise of the landing Corellian shuttle, “Age 32. Traveling with a Quarren male, indeterminate age.”

 

“I got a female in distress.” Revan shouted back, “I want the HoloTrace to extend to the whole planet.”

 

“Yes, sir.” The officer shouted back.

 

“Good.” Revan replied. When the officer went away, he turned back to look at the landing shuttle. After the shuttle landed, Mira climbed out of it first, and then Malak. Revan went up to greet them.

 

“Revan.” He offered a handshake.

 

“Mira.” Mira accepted it and announced herself, “And Nihilus sent me here.”

“Ah, Nihilus. That guy. He didn’t change a bit.” Revan said amusedly and said to Malak, “Revan.”

 

“Malak.” Malak replied politely.

 

“Child Services sent a doctor and she is going to give the kid a diagnostic.”

“All right. Let’s just be clear. This is a Coruscant case.” Mira attempted to cover the roaring noise of the shuttle, “This is our victim, and we do the processing.”

 

“OK, I didn’t say he processed her. I just said he was here.” Revan replied.

 

“I appreciate the respect.” Mira smiled.

 

“You sure about that?” Revan smiled and asked.

 

“Does she know about her father?” Malak asked Revan.

 

“Not yet.”

 

“Well, I’d like to get started processing.” Malak said, “Can you show me where you found her?”

 

“OK, I found her right in here. And…” Revan pointed into the point where he shared a chatter with Savcen, “this is the young lady right over here.” He pointed to Savcen, who was sitting in his speeder.

 

“Hi, Savcen,” Mira approached her with a sweet smile, “And…” She paused for a while and looked at her eyes, “I need to ask you a few questions, ok?” Then she opened her kit and noticed Savcen turned to look at her kit, too.

 

“My kit.” Mira winked and asked Savcen, “Did the man touched you?”

 

“He hit my mommy.”

 

Mira looked at Savcen, full of love: “Did he hit you?” Then she used the tape to collect evidence, “Did he hurt you in any way?”

 

“He acted like I wasn’t there.” Savcen shrugged.

 

Mira sighed: “Well, you know what always happens to bad people? They leave behind a part of themselves, and that’s how you can help us find your mommy.” Mira smiled, “Now I need to look into your fingernails.”

 

Savcen retracted her right hand and hid it behind her as she was holding something.

 

Mira’s eyes filled with suspicions, and it vanished after a second. Putting back her smile, she asked, “You want to show me what is in your hand?”

Revan stood by Mira.

 

Savcen looked at Revan.

 

Revan nodded: “That’s okay.”

 

Savcen said nothing, after a few minutes, she pulled her hand out and opened her hand. It revealed a small blaster clip.

 

Mira’s eyes opened wide.

 

The speeder’s door was opened and a woman shouted after the running away Savcen: “Go! Run, Savcen, run!”

 

Then a few blaster shots. Then a reloading noise. The shooter opened fire on Savcen’s mom, and the empty clip fell on ground. Savcen ran and turned back. She saw her mom was killed.

 

“I ran out after they drove off.” Savcen added.

 

Mira picked up the clip and took a close look at it.

 

“I picked that up.” Savcen added another sentence.

 

Revan observed and guessed: “I bet it felt cold when you picked it up.”

 

“No.” Savcen shook her head, “No…hot.”

 

“Hmm…” Revan hummed.

 

“You’re tricking me.” Savcen announced.

 

“You’re too smart for that.” Revan smiled shallowly.

 

Savcen smiled back.

 

----

 

“You can spot a 9mm Security Enforcer* cartridge from a block away: rectangular firing pin impression, and lots of unburned gun powder.” The fire-arm tech announced while she looked at the clip, “The trip is no Security Enforcer.”

 

Security Enforcer: The standard blaster for Security Force officers.

 

“Well, whoever this guy is, he’s a lousy shot.” Malak remarked and rose the remaining 5 clips.

 

“Five clips, no hits.” She responded. Suddenly, she seemed to recall something, “Oh, by the way, I’m Bastila Shan.”

 

“Mira. Coruscant.” Mira said.

 

Revan made a small laugh.

 

“You got a theory that the mother and daughter ended up in Nar Shaddaa from Coruscant?” Bastila asked Mira.

 

“Well, we don’t actually work theories. Do we, Malak?”

 

Malak looked at Mira and answered: “No, just evidence.”

 

“We’re much more fanciful down here.” Bastila said proudly, “Aren’t we, Revan?”

 

“I think that’s a fair description.” Revan answered when he looked at the datapad.

 

“My guess is, this belongs to the M-7 blaster, made in Dantooine Exchange corp.” Bastila said without any stops, “It’s a cheap Enforcer knockoff, and you may not see many of them in Coruscant, but we got them down here all the time. Which makes me think this guy wasn’t fleeing Coruscant.”

 

Revan said deliberately: “He was coming home to Nar Shaddaa.”

[Diego Varen]

Well this must be your longest Chapter yet. Very good CSI and I'm looking foward to more.

[JediMaster12]

Which makes me wonder if he really reads my fics

Just kidding

 

CSI: That was a good chapter. I found a slight difficulty and I think it was just tense issues but overall you have gotten better at writing in English. You've come a long way from the other one that I have read.

[Diego Varen]

overall you have gotten better at writing in English. You've come a long way from the other one that I have read.

 

I do agree with that JM12. I've noticed it too.