[Fic] Star Wars: CSI Nar Shaddaa Series

[CSI]

Hi, Forumites, this will be the thread that I put all my future CSI Nar Shaddaa in. Better than indexing thread.

 

This is NOT an epic or adventure fiction. This is indeed a DETECTIVE fiction. If you feel don't like it, please don't read along.

 

Eh...School is really dragging me back, so I'll try my best to write is as early as possible.

 

I want to thank to everybody, includes Topsite, Dark_Lady, Jae Onasi, Jason Skywalker, JediMaster12, Aurora Starfire, Anakin Skywalker and all other members in this forum--that include you, mods.

 

Disclaimer: Includes, but not limited to, Star Wars, and its logo belongs to Lucas Arts Ltd. CSI and its logo belong to CBS Studios, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Atlantic Alliance. This fiction is not intended to be commercial use, just for fun.

[CSI]

Click the appropriate Episode name to jump to the episode.

 

Episode 2 Based on CSI: Miami Episode 104, Losing Face.

[CSI]

During the peacetime of GALACTIC REPUBLIC, many planets showed peacefulness. But of course, during the darkness, many illegal events were occurring…

 

Due to the more and more tides of criminal activities occurred recently, the GALACTIC REPUBLIC SENATE agrees to set up a special Crime Investigation group, BUREAU OF CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATIONS short for CSI. Lead by famed Jedi Master REVAN, this small but elite investigator groups are dispatched into NAR SHADDAA. Their destiny is unknown…

 

Prologue

 

Morning, Downtown Nar Shaddaa was as quiet as usual. The skyscrapers were just standing there, guarding the metropolis below them. Not far from Downtown, there was a group of luxury houses. It was a quiet morning, and we can only hear bird chirping.

 

In a small house, an alarm clock indicated it was 5:59 in the morning. With a small click inside the clock, the digital jumped into “6:00”. The clock chirped: “Tick, tick, tick!”

 

The hostess, a female Zabrak, woke up. She reached out her hand to turn off the alarm dizzily, and then he turned around, and found her husband was not on the bed—he was gone.

 

“Fable?” Clearly she was still not fully waked up yet, frowned and heard a weak moan: “Alon?”

 

Now fully waked up, she asked again, “Fable?” Slowly, she got off the bed and followed the weak moan, which appeared again: “Alon…” She saw her husband was lying in his armchair. She asked: “My dear, why didn’t you come to bed?”

 

Fable didn’t answer. The room was quiet.

 

When Alon walked around to face Fable, she was astonished that Fable wore a strange “necklace”. Then she saw a note just below the bomb, and she shrieked in horror.

 

The note said,

 

THIS IS A BOMB. DELIVER 50,000 CREDITS IN THE NEXT FOUR HOURS. PUT THE MONEY IN A BROWN PAPER BAG. CALL 555-0187. DO NOT CALL THE POLICE.

 

After a while, the bomb squad arrived at the scene with Security Forces’ escort. Their sirens and klaxon are the same—blue and red.

 

The bomb squad’s door opened and the leader, Celreen Helvold, held out hands and shout: “Back it up, and set up a perimeter! No one is within 500 feet!” Then he walked away.

 

Back in the Crime Lab, the HoloNet News reported the bomb threat by the announcer’s good voice: “Quiet calm of this neighborhood were shattered early this morning by…” Revan was watching the HoloNet.

 

“How about a cup of Juma Juice, Revan?” Bao-Dur asked Revan when he was mixing Juma Juice and water.

 

“No, thank you.” Revan’s eye stayed fix on the Hologram.

 

“That looks good. Juma Juice?” Bastila entered the break room and admired Bao-Dur’s Juma Juice making skill.

 

“A little Juma Juice with water,” Bao-Dur smiled, “It will not distract you from cracking a crime. Guaranteed.”

 

“Don’t you just say the sweetest things?” Bastila said happily.

 

Mical complained: “This stuff is no good for you. It’ll rot your stomach out.”

 

The announcer continued: “It is believed that the bomb squad is inside the house right now.”

 

“Is it serious?” Bao-Dur asked Revan.

 

“Change the channel.” Revan answered, clearly evading the subject.

 

“It’s not known if anyone else is in the house or if…” The reporter’s voice was broke off when Bao-Dur changed the channel. Then he saw the similar news in another channel. Using the Force to change the channel, he found many channel focused on one thing: The bomb threat.

 

After a while, Revan’s speeder landed near the bomb threat house. He jumped out of the cockpit when he heard his friend, Celreen Helvold. Revan greeted him: “I didn’t know how they made body armor in triple extra-large.”

 

“They make jockeys in that size, too. But you wouldn’t know anything about that either.” Celreen smiled back and hugged Revan. “Revan, back from the dead.”

 

“Just enough to keep me regular.” Revan said calmly, “What do we have here?” Then he turned his head towards the house.

 

“Schedule-80 Cortosis collar clamped around the vic’s neck.” Celreen explained.

 

“OK.” Revan answered briefly.

 

“Gonna ‘John Wayne’ it, man.”

 

“That’s not the way you taught us, big man.” Revan looked at Celreen calmly. He wished him good luck silently.

 

“Don’t have much choice. Can’t do remote. Gonna be hands-on.”

 

“Best hands in the business.” Revan admired Celreen.

 

Celreen chuckled when he grabbed his bomb gear: “Look, I’ve got to go do this thing, let’s grab a juma juice later. Catch up.”

 

Revan looked at his back when he walked into the bomb scene.

 

Inside the house, Celreen used a mirror to take a close look at the bomb while Fable said nervously: “I-I keep my insurance policies in a wall safe upstairs.”

 

“That’s good to know.” Celreen continued to observe the bomb without big movements, “I keep mine in a sock drawer.”

 

“Would you tell my wife, tell her I love her.” Fable’s eyes are blank. His forehead was filled with sweats.

 

“You can tell her yourself in a couple of minutes. You two will be knocking back in no time.” Celreen tried to calm Fable down.

 

Celreen took out a drill, and began to drill a small hole in the “necklace”.

 

Outside the house, Revan was looking at the X-ray picture of the bomb.

 

Suddenly, KA-BOOM! The shockwave blasted the window out. Revan looked at the scene in astonishment. When he realized what happened and took off his mask, his best friend, his mentor, Celreen Helvold, became one with the Force.

 

He felt something wet is on his face. He touched it and took a look: Victim’s blood. Then he looked at the house, unable to accept the fact that Celreen was gone.

[Diego Varen]

You've really improved CSI. Will you do this along with the Star Wars 24 series, when it is released? Anyway, thanks for mentioning me. I'm looking foward to more.

[CSI]

No, Topsite. Star Wars 24 Series is a seperate series which will not includes CSI: Nar Shaddaa nor CSI: Coruscant. Thank you, Topsite for replying my fic.

[Diego Varen]

No, Topsite. Star Wars 24 Series is a seperate series which will not includes CSI: Nar Shaddaa nor CSI: Coruscant. Thank you, Topsite for replying my fic.

 

I know that they are seperate series. What I meant to say was will you complete the CSI series first, or will you post both series at the same time.

[CSI]

I know that they are seperate series. What I meant to say was will you complete the CSI series first, or will you post both series at the same time.

 

I'll finish these three fics one by one.

[Aurora Starfire]

A good prologue, CSI. Looks like your new fic is off to a bang-up start! I was sad that the bomb went off, though. Didn't see anything to really complain about, and Topsite's right, you've improved since you began writing. I'm looking forward to more!

[Dark_Lady]

Wow, this is getting better and better. Like they said, you've really improved, and I loved the first ones! This is just awesome. KEEP IT UP! ( Yes, that deserved all caps. )

[Grey Master]

Well, I have to say that its a very good job CSI, I hope reading more soon!

[CSI]

[Thank you folks for your advices!]

 

Chapter 1

 

Another speeder whooshed down from sky and landed on the bomb scene. In the speeder, Bastila waved to Atton while Mical jumped out of the cockpit. Bao-Dur got off right after Bastila. Everyone has a grim expression on their faces.

 

“All right, we lost family today.” Atton said calmly, “This is top priority.”

 

“Where is Revan?” Bao-Dur asked Atton.

 

“Inside.” Atton responded.

 

“Have you talked to him?” Bao-Dur thought for a while, “Because, uh, I think he knew the guy.”

 

“Celreen Helvold,” Atton nodded and looked onto his notepad, “He bought him into Bomb Squad, trained him, before he was in Crime Lab. They were close.” Soon, he asked the crew, “Give me a minute with him, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Bastila responded. Then they walked away.

 

----

 

Back in the crime scene, Revan crouched down and looked at his mentor’s remaining silently. Behind him, footsteps approached quietly. It was Atton.

 

When he entered the crime scene, it looked like it has been swept by a hurricane. Revan stood up and sighed heavily and began short introducing: “The victim’s name is, eh, Fable Nivix. He’s a…successful intergalactic importer.” Then he walked to the one sitting on sofa, “This is obviously the seat of detonation right here.” He pointed at the headless corpse, and continued, “The shattering effect here indicates high explosive, and the blast and frag pattern indicates that the explosive, uh, was packed up front.” He looked at Atton reluctantly, and finished, “Everything above the neck is blown away. Below remains intact.”

 

“Revan, this isn’t a great idea…” Atton began.

 

“Is everybody outside?” Revan broke him off without looking at him.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Ok.” Revan answered and he began to think.

 

“You should stand down. Let your crew work this one.” Atton suggested.

 

“This is a crime scene like any other.” Revan explained.

 

“We should at least wait for the M.E. to clear the bodies.” Atton thought for a while.

“What I need you to do is I need to get everybody in here right now to process this.” Revan said without a slightest pause, “I want every hair, nail, fiber and every ounce of...Celreen’s blood recovered.”

 

Atton had to nod and forced a smile.

 

“There are no other crime scenes in Nar Shaddaa today.” Revan said finally.

 

Atton looked at him.

 

Revan walked into another room quietly.

 

----

 

“There are three types of damage here…” Revan used the flashlight to observe the crime scene, “frag from the container, thermal effect from the release of gasses,” He scanned the crime scene and added, “And blast pressure.”

 

“Potentially the most damaging.” Mical observed the whole scene and concluded, “Blast pressure forces air outward in a shock front of up to 29,000 meters per second.”

 

When the bomb went off, the shockwave went outward, and pushing the air away from the explosion center. The air blast pulverized the window frame, and then pushed an Ixll unfortunately enough to fly outside the window. The blast destroyed his bone frames.

 

“When did you ever work a bomb scene?” Bastila raised her head and asked Mical.

 

“I happen to read books, okay?” Mical turned to Bastila and thought for a while.

 

“What does your book say…” Bastila picked up a small objective and took a closer look—it’s a corpse of an Ixill, “About this?”

 

Mical explained: “Blast pressure has two phases: positive and negative.”

 

Atton and Bao-Dur was listening to Mical closely as he went on: “When the air is pushed outward, it creates a vacuum in the center.”

 

Bastila finished it up thoughtfully: “So everything gets sucked back in, right?”

 

The instant after the shockwave that killed our poor Ixll: The poor sentient passed by, and being sucked into the window like being sucked into an endless abyss.

 

“It also means that the components from this device are still in this room.” Revan concluded, “They’re in a thousand pieces, but we should find them.” He paused a while, and ordered, “So, Bastila, let’s find out who had access to the house. Bao-Dur, we’ve got to find that ransom note.” Both Bastila and Bao-Dur nodded. Revan went on, “And Mical, you, Atton and I will find the bomb.”

 

“Find the bomb, find the bomber.” Atton said, nodding.

[Diego Varen]

It's been a while CSI. Good Chapter as always and I'm looking foward to more.

[CSI]

:Force Persuade::Tell me the truth, did you skim?

 

However thank you for your comment. It helps.

[Diego Varen]

:Force Persuade::Tell me the truth, did you skim?

 

Yeah, I did skim, but I did manage to read most of the conversations between Revan and Atton and the others.

[CSI]

^Thank you for skimming, and luckily you didn't point out my near-fatal mistake...

[CSI]

[Offtopic: Sorry for the belated chapter, I took that long to overcome my Writer's block. So have fun.]

 

Chapter 2

 

Revan raised his flashlight and shone it onto the wall. The room was still filled with sulfuric smell of the Thermal Detonator. Revan discovered something is on the wall. He used a pair of Forceps to take it out: A ring. He fell into deep remorse of losing his mentor.

 

I’m sorry, my friend, but be assured: I will find the one who and why your soul became one with the Force. Revan looked at the ring, and said in his heart.

 

At the mean time, Bastila was working on the door frame. She slowly scanned from top to bottom, suddenly, she stopped on a part of the doorframe—she found something interesting—She found a small piece of unknown material, which has hexagonal holes. She used the Forceps to peel it down and put it in a small envelope.

 

At the door, Bastila reported to Revan: “Bomber came in through an unlocked window in the maid’s room. Yesterday was her regular day off.”

 

“Means the bomber knew their routine.” Revan concluded.

 

“And Alon said he liked to stay up late and watch HoloNet.” Bastila noted, “My guess is he got jumped right in the middle of ‘Letterman’.”

 

“Top ten ways to get your head blow off.” Mical added in.

 

Revan and Bastila turned to him and looked at him.

 

Mical responded: “I’m sorry, Revan, I don’t mean to…”

 

“It’s okay.” Revan answered.

 

“I also found some type of fabric on the frame.” Bastila reported.

 

Revan answered her when he walked to Bao-Dur: “Let’s get that to Trace, all right?” Then he turned to Bao-Dur, who was reading the note, “Is that the note?”

 

“Yeah. Note is got some flash burns, minimal blood spatter.” Bao-Dur indicated the brief description to Revan, “It’s certainly readable. I mean, ‘This is a bomb. Deliver 50,000 Credits…”

 

“50 Grand? Atton cut in abruptly, “Did he see the size of that place? He could’ve asked for ten times than that.”

 

“Let’s get it for chemical processing.” Revan, who was silent for 2 minutes, finally said.

 

“You got it, Revan.” Bao-Dur hurried away and took it back to the lab, following the procedure.

 

“You okay?” Atton asked Revan when they were unloading their equipments and evidence envelops into the speeder.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Revan answered.

 

Atton saw Revan put the ring which Revan took from the wall into a small envelop. Then Revan sealed it and put it into his breast pocket.

 

“Revan, what are you doing?” Atton asked Revan.

 

“I’m giving Celreen’s wife his wedding ring back.” Revan answered.

 

“That’s evidence,” Atton reminded him.

 

“I know that.” Revan answered, still in mournfully mood.

 

“You can’t give it away.” Atton warned.

 

“I’m not giving it away…” Revan paused for a while, and patted his pocket, “I’m giving it back. Then he walked away.

 

Atton blinked in astonishment. Then he shrugged.

 

----

 

“Abusive destruction of the face and frontal caldarium.” In the autopsy lab, Brianna explained on Fable Nivix’s corpse to Atton, who was standing on the other side of the bed, “Thermal damage of the epidermis at the edges of the defect.” Then she paused and shook her head, “Thought I’d seen everything.”

 

“I’m surprised it didn’t take his head clean off.” Atton commented.

 

“Yeah. I rushed tox.” Brianna agreed with Atton, “Traces of chloroform in his system.”

 

“That’s how the bomber got the collar on him.” Atton caught up.

 

When Fable was watching the HoloNet, the bomber sneaked up and covered a tower full of tranquilizer. Fable tried to reject, but after a while, he lost consciousness. Then the bomber put on the necklace around him, then with a click, the bomb was armed.

 

“You didn’t know what hit you, did you, sugar?” Brianna said to the Faceless Fable.

 

“Rest of him doesn’t look too bad considering.” Atton narrowed his eyes.

 

“Look can be deceiving.” Brianna said when she opened up Fable’s cavity. Inside it, the organs looked like they were grinded.

 

Atton’s eyes widened in astonishment, “My god, what happened?”

 

“White Butterfly effect. Overpressure can cause massive internal damage. Lungs burst. Other organs turn to soup.

 

The lung began to collapse and begin to change to liquid form. Then the other organs turned to soup.

 

“How’s Revan holding up?” Brianna asked finally.

 

“He’s fine.” Atton replied.

 

Brianna raised her eyebrows at Atton.

 

Atton shrugged, “At least that’s what he’s telling me.”

 

“He told me he wanted to be down here for Celreen.”

 

“For his post?” Atton said in surprise.

 

“Yeah.” Brianna shook her head, “He said he could handle it.”

 

“What did you say to him?”

 

“Told him I don’t need him down here, but I knew someone who did.”

 

Atton fell into silence. He thought for a while.

[Diego Varen]

Nice return Chapter CSI and I was wondering why this hadn't been updated. The only thing is that there is too much dialogue, but other than that, it was okay.

[CSI]

^Yeah, true, true. Dialogs are the problems. I should focus on the facts, but the problem is...I was writing the dialog part. What can I do?

[JediMaster12]

Ok since I have some time while thinking of my interpretations for my final, I will whip out my critique guns.

 

*clears throat*

 

First off, I have to say that this CSI set is an improvement from the Coruscanti version. You did a better job in trying to describe the scene so that we can see it. It still is a bit thin but luckily that I saw this episode and I know what follows. I can see that you did include some description and were able to put thoughts in italics. That is good in that it helps to differentiate from dialogue and other text. I am assuming that you are treating this as a movie script which is the reason that there is little description. I have seen fics like these and it does work out. In my opinion I prefer regular fics but that is just me being that I always have my button nose in a book.

 

I can tell that you tried hard to manipulate the dialogue so that it would fit within the context of Star Wars. Just a word of warning, if you get to the point in decribing the type of explosive within the bomb, be careful to remember that there is no such thing as gunpowder in Star Wars. Rather substitute in a plasma accelerant or something. It will make it sound more high tech and will not place too many raised brows on other readers.

 

“Where is Horatio?” Bao-Dur asked Atton.

I am assuming that you were meaning Revan since I got the impression that revan was assuming the persona of Horatio Caine. Atton of course I am thinking Delco and Bao-Dur as Speedle and Bastila as Callie. You did a nice job assigning characters. You seemed to match the KOTOR characters with the CSI characters based upon personality. That was good and it doesn't betray the nature established by LucasArts and Obsidian and Bioware. What would help to add to the character is to add description of specific movements or phrases that would be characteristic to the individual characters. Take Revan. Since he is being Horation and he comes off one who is all for justice and the kind that is not intimidated by blunderbusses, it would be a good idea to put in a description like a directed stare that is penetrating or something like that. Again it will make your characters more believeable to the audience/readers.

 

Overall this is a better attempt at crossover and has improve much over the Coruscanti version. I encourage you to keep at it. Writing only improves the more you practice kiddo. I hope this helps and you can stop asking me if I have reviewed it. I am sure glad that I didn't have to refer you to the Why Haven't You Reviewed Me Thread. Keep it up.

[CSI]

Uh-oh. Thank you for the lengthy critique--which make me feeling a little guilty for skimming people's work. And another thing, your starring is partially incorrect, and don't worry--I won't disclose them, and I'll leave them to readers to figure it out.

[CSI]

Chapter 3

 

In Celreen Helvold’s home, Revan met Celreen’s wife, Alna Helvold. She welcomed him warmly and said, “We’ve missed you since you left the squad.”

“Been too long, Alna.” Revan said sincerely.

 

Alna noticed the remorse in Revan’s tone, and continued, “Celreen and I were talking about we need to have you over for dinner sometime.”

 

Revan followed her up: “I’d like that.”

 

“He never wanted to talk about…” She paused, and was unable to continue. After an awkward pause, she said, “You always know there is a possibility that something would go wrong…” She began sobbing.

 

“Alna, everything I am, I owe to Celreen. Everything I know, he taught me.” Revan comforted her.

 

She sniffled, and asked Revan: “How do I tell them? What should I say to them?” She meant their kids, who were swimming nearby.

 

“You know what, Alna? I don’t want you to worry about it.” Revan assured her, and took a small envelop out, “I want you to let me handle it.” Then he gave her that envelop and walked away remorsefully.

 

She opened the ring, and cried quietly when she saw Celreen’s ring.

 

----

 

Back in the lab, Atton and Mical put on their latex gloves and faced the bomb remains in front of them. Some strings, several fragments, and those were the only bomb remains. Behind them, a big screen projected the pictures of victims’ pictures and the bomb site remains.

 

Mical took a small polar connector, and observed them closely. Atton kept his eyes fixed on the desk and trying to make notes, and trying to forget Revan’s behavior. Then he took out a cotton stick and began to scan for fingerprints on the bomb fragments. Although their job maybe different, but they share all same aim: To book the real killer.

 

In another room, Revan was using a colored flashlight and scanning on the surface of a bomb fragment. Suddenly, he spotted a small hole. That’s the hole that Celreen drilled to defuse the bomb. Ah, I knew it! He thought.

 

“It’s not here,” Revan announced to Mical and Atton, who just came in and reported: “Casing came back positive for TATP. Homemade explosive.” Mical raised an eyebrow. “Very sensitive. Wouldn’t want to get the shakes.”

 

“Not this guy. This guy is a pro.” Revan commented.

 

Mical cut in: “Well, he sure made a beauty: dummy switches, alternate power source, collapsing circuits…”

 

“We’re still missing a component.” Revan said mysteriously, “The action switch is not here.”

 

“We covered that scene with our hands and knees.” Mical protested, “We got it all.”

 

“Let me say it again: It’s not here.” Revan said stubbornly. He drowned in his thoughts.

 

“Evidence just can’t get up and walk out of the room.” Mical said.

 

“Yes, it can.” Atton corrected Mical.

 

On the HoloNet, Revan and Atton spotted a small shiny part under the NSF officer’s boot. “It’s there.”

 

“So, let’s get it back.” Revan ordered.

 

----

 

“Three branches of NSF responded to that bomb call.” Mical came in the crime lab in the morning, with all boots in his hands, “It was like a freeway through that house.”

 

“And we’re going to check them all.” Revan sighed and took another boot, looking at their bottom carefully.

 

“Any chance that it’s going to lead to anything?” Mical asked.

 

“You tell me.” Revan held the boot to Mical, and through the magnifying glass, Mical saw a small circular object under the boot.

 

“Electric photocell.”

 

“Yeah.” Revan positioned himself upright and commented: “This is what killed Celreen.”

 

Mical stood up, and apologized: “I’m sorry about that, Revan.”

 

“Yeah, me, too.” He seemed that he decided to get the killer, “Me, too.”

 

----

 

Atton came into the trace lab and saw Bastila in front of a microscope: “Good morning, Bastila. Got something on the fabric?”

 

Bastila showed him her smile and answered cheerfully: “Flanders mesh pattern. Machine-made. Size Ten. 32-count Pella Linen.”

 

Bao-Dur entered the room, holding a folder containing the report.

 

“Coruscanti lace.” Atton murmured.

 

“Right.” Bastila then greeted Bao-Dur: “Hey.”

 

“Hey.” Bao-Dur nodded, “What did I miss?”

 

“Our bomber is quite a clotheshound. He has an expensive taste.” Bastila answered.

 

“If he is a he.” Atton added in. Bao-Dur scoffed. Atton tried to ignore him: “A lot of women’s clothing’s made with Coruscanti lace. Blouses, scarves…”

 

“Lingerie.” Bao-Dur cut in. Bastila and Atton stared at him.

 

“What? I shop on major celebrities.” Bao-Dur smiled and explained.

 

Bastila smiled.

 

Atton sighed and tried to suppress his intention of laugh, “How did you do on the note?”

 

“Great. I ran thin-layer chromatography on the ink. It’s, uh, garden-variety laser printer and you can find them at any copy shop.” Bao-Dur announced his findings, and added, “Which made me realize I was barking up the wrong tree.” Then he handled Atton the folder.

 

“You analyzed the paper.” Atton took it and skimmed it.

 

“Exactly. It’s bagasse pulp.” Bao-Dur answered, “It’s a treeless paper made from sugar cane fiber. It’s imported primarily from Corellia.”

 

“Corellia.” Atton raised his head, “We need to find out if any local area stores sell this.”

 

“Done. There are four high-end stationary stores here, locally. All of then are sold out and they’re awaiting a shipment from a Corellian import company that is owned by one Celreen Helvold.”

 

Atton raised his eyebrow and clicked his tongue.

 

Bao-Dur continued: “I also did some fact tracking. There’s been a string of necklace bomb cases, just like this one, on Ryloth. The bombers stalk their victims for weeks, get their routines down cold. They pick only high-profile targets. They’re wealthy enough to pay the ransom.”

 

“Just like Helvold.” Bastila added in.

 

Atton nodded in agreement.

 

“Where is the paper shipping now?” Atton asked Bao-Dur.

 

“It’s waiting in custom impound.” Bao-Dur answered.

 

“Then I’m wondering who else might have had access to that paper.”

 

Bastila said nothing. Instead she raised her eyebrows.

[Diego Varen]

Despite skimming through quickly, there is less dialogue than before and more description, which is an improvement. Good Chapter as always and in a way, reminding me that I should return to writing soon.

[Grey Master]

Nice job CSI!

As always, I enjoy your work. Hope to read more soon.

[Aurora Starfire]

Nice chapter, once again, CSI. A couple of word usage and phrasing problems, nothing serious, but overall you've improved greatly from the earlier CSI fics. Keep it up!

[Kas'!m]

Wow, this is really creative. You're like the Edgar Allan Poe of this kinda of writing. When's the next part coming?