[Fic] "I can sing and I can love"

[Daft Adidas]

I can sing and I can love

 

Derek Ferado a teenage boy who had a love for singing. He was always trying to bring people together as a band but no one else was interested. So he went solo. He only had one friend to help him and she was a girl called Vivian. Now this is a tale which take's a bit of a telling but let's see it from his eyes................

 

 

"What you going to do?" said Vivian, "Without the band?"

 

"I'm going solo, I'm better than them" I sighed.

 

"Good luck, where's your next gig?"

 

I chuckled at that but she looked at me and then I realised she was serious.

 

"Er it's on the picnic table near theed on Naboo." She stopped herself from laughing. Yes I was doing very bad at this time, very I was hoping someone would spot my talent and make me big but I have little hopes.

 

"And when?" she then asked still trying not to laugh.

 

"Tommorow" I sighed.

 

"I'll come see you and give out leaflets before hand near this theed."

 

"Thanks but you don't need to do it."

 

Vivian seemed angry now. Why?

 

"I'm helping you!" she shouted.

 

"Ok, ok thank you" I said after the shock.

 

Near Theed, Naboo

 

I stood up on the picnic table and waited fo people to gather. I could see Viv in the distance handing out leaflets and calling.

 

"Roll up, roll up for Derek's mini concert, right here right now!"

 

Two children sat down on seats and looked up. They seemd rather odd but they were human just odd.

 

"When you gonna sing?" they asked at the same time.

 

"When more people arrive" I muttered.

 

"Now!" they shouted. I almost fell off the table so I began.

 

I started tapping my feet and then I pulled out my guitar. It was a slow beat which got faster and then plucked some loud notes. Vivian looked over and dropped all her leaflets and ran behind the picnic table and said.

 

"You starting without me?" she whispered behind my ear.

 

"I didn't know you could play?" I whispered back to her. It was hard doing these two things at once with two more annoying kids looking at you.

 

"No I cant!" she shouted over the guitar beat "But I could have missed the whole bloody concert!"

 

"Sorry, now go, you're messing things up and oh I love you."

 

She ignored that comment she always would If i say it. I get the feeling I'm not made for her sometimes but really I am.

 

Then I started singing.

 

"Sometimes you feel!... Rather down, then somethings goes up it's so good you get a frown! This may not make sense, you may say! But some day, it will happen which changes your life!

 

Yes, yes, yes, yes Its's your life, It's my life, oh It's everyone's life then someone cut it with a knife and I can't help but feel that I wanna travel by wheel!"

 

I repeated all that three times and finished with my guitar thrown up in the air and caught in one hand.

 

I then noticed their was a very large crowd and one man stormed through the middle. It was my rival, well more than that I hate him! Though he could sing, but only by stealing my songs! He kicked me and threw me of the table and grabbed my guitar and sang my best song "It's you."

 

I got up form the dirt and walked away to a damp wall and sat down. The third time in a row he had done this. What was this mans name? Aidan?

 

Half the crowd followed me and threw fruits and crisps at me. They all shouted. "You suck!"

 

Vivian came over.

 

"What you said earlier, I don't love you because you are weak and you don't believe in yourself, everytime Aidan come's along bang you mope off! They were right you suck!"

 

"But"... I muttered.

 

She then said.

 

"Face it Derek, you can't sing" and she walked off.

 

"Oh I can sing!" I shouted at her, you watch!"

 

I ran up to the picinic table jumped up and headbutted Aidan in the stomach. He dropped the guitar and I picked it up.

 

"Do any of you know him?" I asked. "Well he copys my songs and that was my best one and I can sing it twenty times better than him!"

 

"You may think I suck and so does she!" I pointed at Vivian who looked away as the crowd glared at her.

 

"But, at least I love to sing!"

 

"Yeh, yeh, It's you, babe It's you!" "Yeh Viv It's you!" Vivian looked up. I changed the lyrics for her.

 

"It's you the one and only yoooou, hoo hoo, hoo but If I knew how special you were then I just might faint In love today" "Yeh it's about You Viv!" I shouted blowing kisses.

 

"And it reminds me that you, yeh Viv you are so good for me, so good for me!"

 

I finished the song within minutes and the crowd cheered. There was at least one hundred more from that song I sang.

 

"Thank you Derek!" she said to me. Then she kissed me.

[Sabretooth]

Wow, that was one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

 

To be frank, I don't think this was the best story here. It's good, no doubt and has a high-school charm to it. I thought the story was pretty good, but it should have been executed better. The story seems to torpedo too fast once the concert starts and I don't get how all the people seem to suddenly like the Derek near the end (considering they threw fruits at him earlier). But otherwise, I found the story very creative and energetic.

 

My frank score: 5/10. Sorry.

[Daft Adidas]

thanks. in a way my first love story. Thanks for the feedback I'll work on it.

[Jae Onasi]

You certainly captured the theme of love in a unique way. I had a little trouble understanding Vivian--one minute she likes him and wants to help, the next she's screaming at him. An explanation for her behavior would have helped me understand her character more. Part of writing is learning what works and what doesn't, Darth Aida, and the only way to find out is just to write it and see what happens. Keep writing!

[Daft Adidas]

thanks Jae. Hmm maybe I should of said that she can be very stubborn and changes her mind easily.

[Emperor Devon]

Hmm maybe I should of said that she can be very stubborn and changes her mind easily.

 

Ehh? Being stubborn means you're very reluctant to change your mind.

 

A nice enough idea, but I felt it could've used a fair amount of polishing and slightly more relevance to Star Wars. If you didn't have "Near Theed, Naboo" I would've thought it took place in a high school on Earth.