machievelli Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 A note before you go on. This is NOT Slash. While the characters are both supposed to be women, one is a boy in disguise. This is an excerpt of a 177 (So far; it keeps growing! I may need to use nuclear weapons to stop it! By the time this is posted it has now passed 188 [midnight on Sunday the 18th] and after reposting it with some of the edits suggested by Jae it is now 192) page work that I am going to try to sell to one of the smaller presses. It is very loosely based on a Manga entitled Pretty Face. The songs I used during the dance all have special meaning to me. Before your ask, it’s none of your business. Like Jolee would say, leave an old man some privacy. For those who have never read the series; Pretty face is a Japanese comic book (called Manga) that portrays a year in the life of a young boy with a rather unique problem. After being injured in a bus accident, and assumed dead, and now a ‘john Doe’; he falls into the clutches of a rather odd doctor while still in a coma. That doctor used a photograph in the unconscious boy’s wallet as a model to reconstruct his face. The problem is; the picture is of a girl at his school he had a serious crush on. So when he wakes up right before the doctor can finish making him a woman, he has real problems. While running around like a chicken with his head cut off, he bumps into her, and she automatically assumes he is really her missing sister. Out of love of her, and an overwhelming desire to be close, he assumes that identity. All of this can not be said about my own work, of which you will see only an excerpt. About ten percent. The doctor in mine just assumed, since the hospuital had told him, that it was a girl. It sounds implausible, but to a doctor, a patient is the gender he is told. If he isn't operating on say an appendix, he's not going to reach down and examine the patient and discover it. As I mention in the work, if an orderly or candy striper gives a patient a sponge bath, he or she isn't told 'go give the guy in this room a sponge bath', they are merely told 'go give the patient in this room a bath. Doctors look at charts, so do Nurses. Orderlies do not. Since all injuries are in the upper body, the only one who might have noticed is the nurse that had to catheterized him and all she would mark on the chart is that the catheter is in. Again, in an emergency, would she notice that one small centimeter square box is marked instead of the other? However unlike the author of the original, who had so much fun with so many different possible sexual situations, I do not do comedy worth a damn. My work as anyone who has read it will tell you, is serious, and angst ridden. So I examined the angst he would feel. I put myself in his place, pictured myself as an attractive 15 year old girl (As if I was an attractive anything at that age!) who is really a sixteen year old boy and pictured all of the inner mental play his mind would have in this specific situation. The scene you are going to read is not part of the original manga. Halloween is not that big a holiday in Japan, but I had relocated the story to Virginia Beach Virginia and Halloween is a big thing here, even with the Catholics. The boy has spent the last six weeks dressed and pretending to be a woman to be near the woman he loves, but he considers that Halloween is the one time he can dress as himself, and be accepted… I hope you enjoy it. The Mirror of My love: Trick or treat The school was talking about having a Halloween party. The Catholic Church had an on again off again way of dealing with the holiday. They had banned it around the time St Thomas Aquinas then finally relented early in the 20th century, though the basics every American would know was still there even during the ban. The kids of the town would go to door-to-door, and if you gave them money or food for the poor, they would bless your house, and if you didn’t they would call down curses. It was brought to America in the 19th century and had been adopted by the American people more thoroughly than any other European holiday. Serena had a costume, but was keeping it a secret. I had one planned too… I had been living in her house for almost six weeks by then. Every day I saw the woman I loved most in the world. She would hug me, play with my hair, and sit curled up against me. But it wasn’t me she was doing this with. It was the person she thought was her sister. I was there, but I was not. You think that sentence is confusing, think about it from my point of view. But Halloween is special. You wear a costume you become something or someone else. I had been struck by a horrible little idea… What if I took off my costume and became myself again? For the week before Halloween I obsessed over it. Who would know? For that matter, who would believe it if they saw it? It wasn’t like I had my own face again. I would be just her older sister dressed like a boy. And no one would believe the truth. Zim was able to have his friend make me a wig that matched how my hair had looked before the accident. He had even offered to make me a full mask, but I refused it. I wanted to be able to back off, to apologize, say it was a bad joke if Serena freaked. With a wig that was easy, but a full lifelike mask would have been impossible to explain. I left school to go to the gym, telling Serena I would meet her at the party that would be held at the school. Instead I went to Zim’s clinic. I had slipped him a few thousand dollars, and he was able to advertise and get more patients. He was starting to really make money, enough that he was able to hire two nurses and more orderlies. They waved me through. I visited at least once a week for him to check the hormonal levels, and the way he’d greeted me that first time told them I was a special patient. He waved me into his office, and brought out a wig box. “Ready?” “As I’ll ever be, Doc.” He opened the box, and lifted out the mannequin head. It looked like my old hairstyle; the color was spot on, the hair nice and thick. “I spoke with Janice, the woman that runs the salon down the street. She’s expecting you.” “Thanks. Tell you’re friend he’s a life saver.” “May be good news for him before he goes.” “Goes? Where?” “Visa expired. Work kind of slow in New York. Not enough money to relocate to Las Vegas or Hollywood.” “How much does he need?” “He can get money. Problem is with immigration.” “Tell him I’ll loan him what he need to relocate.” I motioned toward his phone, and called the local law firm, and they referred me to one in New York that specialized in immigration problems. I told them to sic the other firm on the case, and also told them to wire the money before close of business. I took the box with half of me in it, and ran down to the salon. Janice, who had helped me before in my rendition of Executive Secretary, was a huge fat black woman that my father would have called a mulatto. I called her Janice, and she called everyone sugar. I told her my plan, and she clucked at hiding my hair. She got out a handful of bobby pins and began laying my hair flat. “Pretty girl like you hiding it! Least you ain’t cutting it! The bible says hair is a woman’s crowning glory. Why you putting that thing on.” She jerked a nod at the wig as if it were an unwanted houseguest. “Halloween, Janice. I’m going as my sister’s boyfriend.” “And why ain’t he here to do it for her?” She was the kind of woman the Jews would call a Yenta, the overenthusiastic aunt that just can’t stand seeing you unmarried. “Because he’s dead.” I said softly. “Me and my big mouth. I start interfering, you tell me next time!” She pulled my hair savagely pinning the last of it down. I smiled a bit at that. Asking Janice not to poke her nose in was like convincing a lion to become a vegetarian. But she meant well. Finally she was able to slide the wig on. “How do I look?” I asked. “Well sugar, you still have that make up on. Let me take care of that.” She pulled out creams and whisked away the eye shadow and lip-gloss I wore. Face it, after this much time I had learned how to do make up in self-defense because Serena would giggle and make me up. It was funny that first week after I joined the family. I would come to school sweet, sedate, looking like a young Madonna of the church; she would come looking like the other Madonna. Lucile her manicurist came over, cleaned away the light red nail polish, and redid my nails with a clear varnish instead. Then Janice turned me around. I look like a boy dressed in his sister’s clothes. Long thin face, girlish figure of course with the prosthesis still on. “I don’t look that much different.” “It’s the clothes, sugar. Makes you look like a boy pretending to be a girl. Why don’t you change and take another look?” I went to the lady’s room and changed. I had chosen a boy’s uniform from St Bartholomew’s, and I removed the prosthesis and packed it in the bag before I got dressed. It was a little odd to feel cloth directly against my chest again, slacks instead of tight pants, and buttoning the shirt with the buttons somehow on the wrong side. The shoes felt like clodhoppers. I felt strange. It was like i really was a girl and this really was just a costume. I stepped back out, and Janice guided me to a three-way mirror in the corner. I now looked like Amanda’s twin brother. “I think it will work.” Janice said. “But you listen to me sugar. Don’t leave those wrappings too long. Blood circulates back in afterward, you going to have some very tender puppies there.” I was confused, but she touched my chest carefully. She thought I had bound down my breasts! “And when you walk, forget about wiggling it like you do when you walk normally. You a boy, not looking for them. Get that?” I had never considered it, but the movement when a girl walks of her... rear is mostly nature, and every one does it. Guys just don’t spend a lot of time examining it in other guys. I assayed a walk. I though of Yablonski, and tried to walk like that oversized gorilla. “No girl, I said less, not more!” She looked confused when the comment made me laugh. I was able to pass inspection after a few minutes. “Best I can do with what you got, sugar. Oh.” She opened a bottom drawer, and came out with a pair of socks and a safety pin. “Go back in there, pin the top at the waist, and let ‘em hang. Give you what a girl don’t have.” I obediently did as I was told. There was now a very obvious bulge. God, is that what every girl assumes? She grabbed my shoulders, looked me up and down. “Now don’t you get fresh with that girl now that you have the equipment!” I blushed and she laughed. “You have fun at that party. Tell me all about it next time you come in, hear? “I hope so.” I hugged her then attached a nametag to the blazer above the blazon. It read Peter Stankowski. I caught a cab back to the school. The gates were open, orange jack-o-lantern shades had been attached over a string of lights, and there was music from the gym. I walked up to the door. Mr. Laughlin the creative writing teacher saw me and did a double take. “Amanda?” “Yes, sir. Is Serena here?” “Yes. She said she was going to wait over by the buffet for you.” “Thank you, sir.” He leaned forward, looking at the tag. “That’s a name I haven’t seen in a long time. He was in my class.” I knew that. “He was?” “He didn’t have much of an imagination. Never seemed to grasp the idea of fantasy.” “Oh from what I heard he had a very active imagination.” I replied. I went in. Every possible costume was in that room. My favorite was someone wearing a little league baseball cap over a sheet that he’d run over with a car, so that a tire ran across the chest. Josh was dressed in a costume that looked like it came from the original Star Trek television show, and his eyes widened at me. “Wow. You look… like a hunk! He said. “Why thank you, Mr. Spock. Just what every girl wants to hear. Have you seen Serena?” “Not yet. Want to dance?” “I promised Serena the first dance.” I told him. I could see the buffet table, but a girl in a full wedding dress was between it and me. I walked around him, and as I did the girl turned around. My heart stopped. Serena stood there in a dress I recognized from the picture album as the one her mother had been married in. It was satin and lace, floor length, with the bridal veil pulled down in front. She saw me coming, and her eyes widened in surprise. Then she looked at the nametag, and looked at me with such pain in her eyes. I caught her hand. “My sister, my love. You never had a chance to speak with Peter, to dance with him, to spend the evening with him.” I lifted the hand and kissed it gently. “Please, pretend for an evening that this is the Halloween ball he missed. Let me stand in for him.” I pleaded with my eyes. “Dance with me.” She stared at me as the music segued into a slow song I had heard on an oldies station. Chris De Burgh singing ‘Lady in red’. I pulled gently. She followed me to the dance floor, and I held her in my arms as we danced. ‘I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight I've never seen you shine so bright I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance I have never seen that dress you're wearing Or the highlights in your head that catch your eyes I have been blind The lady in red is dancing with me cheek to cheek There's nobody here, it's just you and me, It's where I wanna be But I hardly know this beauty by my side I'll never forget, the way you look tonight ‘ She looked me in the eyes as we moved. I knew what De Burgh was trying to say. There was no one there but us. It was a timeless moment of love. I saw tears start to flow in her eyes, and I held her face to my chest as she cried. But the dance went on. ’I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight I've never seen you shine so bright you were amazing I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side And when you turned to me and smiled, It took my breath away I have never had such a feeling Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight’ The lady in red is dancing with me cheek to cheek There's nobody here, it's just you and me, It's where I wanna be But I hardly know this beauty by my side I'll never forget, the way you look tonight ‘ She looked back up, and for the moment, I knew she had accepted the fantasy. I was the man she loved, and we were having that first romantic dance we didn’t have. If only she knew… ’But I hardly know this beauty by my side I never will forget, the way you look tonight The lady in red The lady in red The lady in red My lady in red (I love you.)’ As De Burgh whispered that last line, I echoed it aloud. We stopped moving. I was staring into the eyes of the woman I loved, and I didn’t know what to do. They should issue manuals on what to do! ‘You are holding the girl after the dance. The music has stopped and the next song hasnt started yet. It is time for that first romantic kiss but are unsure how she will react. So you-‘ Yeah, and they don’t sell those manuals. I’ll leaned forward as if to kiss her. She can pull back, she can tell me ‘it’s all right to pretend but sis, this is as far as it’- Our lips touched. Her eyes widened, then I was kissing her gently on the lips. Her eyes closed, she gave a small whimper, and her body was pressing into me, and I felt her hug me tighter. As a ‘romantic’ kiss it wasn’t even close, to the ‘shove yourself halfway through your partner’ type the movies do all the time. Maybe- “No dancing so close!” we leaped apart, staring at Nemesis. It was Miss Harrigan, a woman ten years older than God, music teacher and the arbiter of morals for the school. “How dare you dance so close young man!” Serena laughed. Harrigan glared at her. “I want your name!” She demanded of me. “Miss Harrigan, this is my sister Amanda.” She glared at me then leaned closer. “You’re Amanda O’Neal?” “Yes, Miss Harrigan.” She looked me up and down. “You walk almost like a boy Miss O’Neal. And from the back I was so sure.” Then she shrugged. “Try not to dance too close together, all right? We can’t have the real boys complaining.” She stormed away and we laughed. I considered that I had been asked to dance, and probably so had she. “If there’s someone else you’d rather dance with-” “No.” She kissed me on the cheek. “I will dance with my love. And since he is not here, and you were sweet enough to stand in, I will dance with no other.” The music segued again. Lady by Styx We danced until the ball ended at ten. Boys tried to cut in, but we didn’t want our evening to end. I chose which songs we danced to. If it was slow, I would lead her out. There were times when she cried, when I cried. Because for the first time since this deception began, I could pretend; pretend that the accident had never happened, that we were having that dance; that we were falling in love like we should have if fate had not dealt us such a wicked hand. When they called last dance, they played another oldie. Lady by the Little River Band. I stood, extending my hand to her. She looked up at with me with so much love in her eyes that I wanted to blurt out the truth. Tell her who I was, what I had done. Not that I had already spent as much as her father had made in the last year to find her sister, not that I would spend all of that million plus to have them back together again. But that I was the man she still mourned. Then the moment passed as she held me. I could feel her shudder against me as she cried. As the second verse began, I realized it might have been written for me alone; ‘Look around, come to me I have no answers, but know where I wanna be I look around, play a part I was born in the winter and cooled by a warm heart’ My life before we met had been the winter. My father could be nicknamed Jack Frost for all of the emotion he showed. This girl had remade me just by existing, and her warmth had thawed me. As I looked into her eyes, I realized that even when I went back to being Peter Stankowski, I would be forever changed by her gentle presence. The music ended, and the lights came up. I wanted to keep dancing, to never have the night end. I could see the same thing in her eyes. We moved reluctantly apart. We stood there staring at each other. I don’t know what she saw in my face, but in hers I saw a wordless yearning. “We had better get home.” I finally said “Yes.” I extended my arm in an old fashioned courtly gesture, and she took it. I picked up the gym bag from my locker. Then arm in arm, we headed for the bus stop. We walked in silence. We boarded the bus, and went to the back. She looked at the dress, hands plucking at it as if not sure where it had come from. “Serena-“ At the same instant she said, “Amanda-“ We looked at each other. “You first.” She said. “No. You first.” She stared at the dress for so long I thought she would remain silent. “Mom thought this was just a costume tonight.” She whispered. “That I had let him go. But you understood, even if you didn’t tell me.” She looked up; unshed tears in her eyes. “When he died… When he was taken from me… I wanted to follow him into oblivion. I wanted to die right there. Only the thought of you kept me from ending my own life and being damned for all eternity.” Serena-“ “Please, let me finish.” She looked away, then held my hand so tightly my fingers hurt. “I couldn’t do to you what you had done to me. I know that sounds harsh and mean, but I knew that where ever you were, you would know I was alive, and part of you would want to come home some day. I didn’t want you to find an empty house… an empty soul. To be devastated as I had been.” “I was stupid.” I whispered. “Knowing you were alive kept me sane. When it became too much for me, I had to come home. I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t have died without telling you I loved you.” She hugged me, and we cried against each other’s shoulder. We reached our stop and she stopped me, a wicked gleam in her eyes when we could see the house. “The porch light is still on.” She said. “That means they’re still up waiting for us.” “I know that silly.” She leaned to me, and whispered in my ear. I think I had the same look of evil delight on my face as we walked up to the door and rang the bell. Matt opened it, a bowl of candy in his hands, and we caroled ‘Trick or treat!’. More pictures had to be taken. Marion considered our garb, and we did one with me sitting like the lord of the manor, Serena’s hand on my shoulder as she stood behind me. Then we reversed. Then one of me on one knee, holding an open jewelry box Serena’s eyes on it and so happy. Marion considered, then went upstairs. She came down, carrying a garment bag. “Put this on Amanda.” I went into the downstairs bathroom. It was an old tuxedo, faded with time. I touched it gently. The one Matt had been married in. I put the prosthesis back on, then put on the tux. It was like an eight-year-old girl playing dress up in her mother’s formal gown. I stepped out, and they all laughed at the look. Matt had a 22 inch collar, and was seven inches taller than I was, so the pants dragged. Marion tucked and pinned until it only looked ridiculous instead of absurd. “All right final picture. I want you to stand there, looking into each other’s eyes, because it’s your wedding day.” “I turned to her, she to me. Wordlessly I put my arm around her waist, she put hers around my neck. In heels she was two inches taller than I was, and she leaned forward, lips less than an inch from mine, then her eyes closed, and I could feel that trembling again. A tear started down her cheek, and I instinctively reach up to brush it away. “Hold it! Perfect!” The camera flashed. I looked at them later. I know they say the camera doesn’t lie, but that last picture doesn’t tell the truth. It shows two young newlyweds, lost in each other’s eyes. The man has put his arm around her waist possessively, instinctively marking his territory. She has put her arms around his neck, also instinctive, giving herself utterly to this man. He has raised his hand to his love’s face, cupping and guiding it. He doesn’t care who sees it, he will taste her lips again, right here, right now. When we had taken that last picture, Matt had begun to cry. He knew how much Serena had loved that now dead boy. That she had tied her entire emotional life to someone gone forever. Marion had tears in her eyes as well. They probably thought this was as close as Serena would ever let herself get to a real wedding ever again. “You both look so radiant.” Marion husked, then she turned wiping her eyes. “I can almost picture you as man and wife.” Serena and I looked at each other uncomfortably. I ran from the room, and when I came back, I was the devoted daughter again. It had been a magical night, but Cinderella- No, I remember the fifties movie with Jerry Lewis. ‘Cinder-Fella’ has to return to real life. I kept copies of all of them for the wall I had started. Not an ‘I love me’ wall but an ‘I love and want to remember every second with these people’ wall. As I stared at the copy I had tacked on the wall I realized they were right. The camera doesn’t lie. It showed a truth that went beyond the sterile joking little scene we had been playing out for the enjoyment of all concerned. Maybe it only showed the real truth of my emotions, and the longing of Serena. It hurt even more when I thought about it then. That all of our love was there, but couldn’t be expressed. ***** Everyone had to joke with us the next day at school. The guys were asking me to join the ‘boys’ teams, and several girls came over, pretending to flutter fans as if they were belles from the War Between the States, ‘oh suh, how rude of you not to dance with me!’ slap me with the fan, and flounce away. The teachers even got into it. When I went to Gym the girl’s gym teacher looked at me, and shouted ‘Young man! How dare you dress out with the girls! Leave or I’ll report you!” When we were walking down the hall to a class Miss Harrigan stopped me. “I’ll not have such disgusting behavior in my school again, young man. Is that clear?” Then she winked at me and walked on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I think you capture the emotions during the dance quite nicely--I felt some of that angst to be sure, and I think there's room to explore that even more if you like, and it wouldn't feel over the top. I caught a few grammar/spelling things--comma usage and 'you're' instead of 'your', the usual editting things we all have to do. This may be a reflection of the fact that it's an excerpt and not the full thing (which I'll have to look at--got part of it read last night, but not all, since it's so long and I was dog-tired by then), but I wanted to point out a few things about the timing of some of the scenes here. If these scenes are supposed to be in separate chapters already, and you just put them altogether in this post, then ignore these comments. I know this is part of a larger work, but I found the bit about the guy needing help to get thru immigration to be distracting here--it doesn't help this chapter build, so I'd clip it and maybe have Zim focus on Peter and what's going to happen that night. You could do more with Janice if you want--maybe she gives him advice on girls. She sounds ornery/sassy enough just from your brief description of her, and I could see her telling Peter just what he 'better do that night with that Serena girl, gosh darn it'. And, since I'm assuming this is Peter's first kiss of Serena, what the heck is this boy feeling in the lead up right before it and the kiss itself, physically? Emotionally? Mentally? The songs are nice to help describe that, but it doesn't quite cut it for me--I want Peter's reaction, not the songs. It also feels weird to be describing "Lady in Red" as an 'oldie' since it played during my college days, and it doesn't feel like it was _that_ long ago. Harrigan's interruption was perfect, btw, to keep Peter from going too far. I might cut the last parts right after he offers Serena his arm for that particular chapter, though I do like the idea of the 'wedding' pictures. If you add in Serena's and Peter's feelings and the looks on their faces in those pictures, or have someone comment on how 'real' those pictures seem, I think that scene could work better then--you could do a _lot_ with the undercurrent of feelings there if you want. I'd shift the school scene to the next chapter if it's not already--doesn't quite fit here with what you're trying to accomplish with the feelings, but it sure is funny and too enjoyable not to keep. That all being said, I hope you don't get the impression from the comments that I didn't like the piece, because I really did, and I'll be looking forward to reading the rest of it in the next couple days or so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 Let's face it, I'm an exhibitionist. The reaction so far (Very little of it VERBAL) made me think, they saw a bit in the middle, but have they considered what's going to happen when Amanda returns? Why don't you take a look... It was the Monday after Valentine’s Day that I noticed that someone was following me to school. There was this figure in a sheepskin coat balaclava and sunglasses on the corner. It watched us drive in when Caitlin drove us to school, then as we drove out. When I went to the gym that week the silent figure followed me. I wondered who it might be. The holidays and all of the time since September had eaten up all but the million and had started making inroads into that as well. Still no joy. I beat up on the bag, and as I did, I saw the silent figure enter the gym. I looked at whoever it was then shrugged, going back to what I had been doing. I was gasping when I finished. I went to the locker room, took a shower, and had just stepped out wrapped in a towel when I saw the person standing at the end of the lockers. “Can I help you?” I asked. Slim hands came up, and pulled off the hat and glasses simultaneously. “Yes you can. You can tell me who you really are.” Amanda O’Neal was staring furiously at me. “Oh god… Finally.” I said. “Stop with the soft soap bull. You have been living in my parent’s house, pretending to be me, going to school in my name, for all I know seducing my sister and I want to know who you are.” I collapsed on the bench. “It’s a long story.” “I have all day.” She said implacably. I told her the truth. Again not all of it. I didn’t mention spending almost 300 thousand dollars trying to find her. But I told her who I really was, that the face was not my choice, it had happened because of a well-meaning doctor, and that when I had run into Serena, she had assumed I was Amanda. “So you pretended to be me.” She repeated. “You lied to my family, lied to the school, lied to God for all I know. That ends this very minute.” She stalked forward, standing within striking distance, fists clenched. Then her hand lashed out, my head rocking from the slap. “I don’t care what sick purpose caused you to do that. I don’t care who your father is or you think your father is. You will stay away from my sister, stay away from my family, and if you come within a mile of them so help me God I tell the police your some sick perverted stalker and have you arrested!” I nodded. “I’ll stay away.” She nodded sharply then left. I didn’t know what to do. I packed my gear numbly, and left the gym for the last time. I found my feet leading me home- No, to Serena’s home, where even now Amanda was telling them all that a monster had been doing for the last six months. I didn’t have a home any more. I went to the clinic and sat in a chair numbly. I know the secretary talked to me, I know the nurse and an orderly did as well, but I was numb. My entire life had come crashing down, and I couldn’t find it in me to care about anything else. I heard the bell on the door, and looked up. Doctor Zim was locking the door, then he knelt in front of me. “Amanda? What’s wrong?” “Amanda is back, Doctor. "She’s back, thinks I’m some kind of pervert and told me to stay away from Serena forever.” “So what are you going to do?” “I don’t know.” I started to sob. “I don’t know!” I threw myself at him, and cried. Banishment It was like being in a fever dream. I knew I ate and slept, but every waking minute for three days was spent staring at the ceiling. I could tell you that each tile had exactly 164 holes, but beyond that my mind was blank of everything but despair. I could never see her again. I couldn’t speak to her, touch her hold her ever again. On the third day, something broke through at last. I was lying there, staring at the ceiling when I heard the sound of an action movie in the next room Doctor Zim like American action movie genre a lot. Then I heard someone signing. Part of me didn’t give a damn, the other part listened. It must have been the movie Against All Odds, because that was the song. Then as if God had wanted me to hear, the words reached down and ripped into me. ‘I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why You're the only one who really knew me at all’ No one in this world knew me as well as Serena did. I would live, I could live without her. But it would be an empty shell of a life. I would be a walking talking robot with no more heart than the tin man from the Wizard of Oz ’So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face’ But I didn’t even have that did I? Like the character in the movies, I was under sentence of death. It had been commuted, but only as long as I stayed away from Serena. I got mad. I rolled to my feet, looking at that face. Fine. All my good works, all I had done to make her happy was trash to throw away. Fine! I could change back to who I really was. Become Peter Stankowski again. But I liked the new me inside that Serena by her very existence had brought out But like any suicide, I could always leave with a grand gesture flipping the bird at the world. I would find my father and beat him over the head with his own twisted sense of honor by suggesting he have his own clinics do the DNA testing to prove who I was on the condition that he promise not to mess with the tests or their findings. He’d do it because he’s the kind who bets knowing he can’t lose. Well this time he would because I had all the genetic aces. I’d get enough out of him that I could move away, I could go to Europe, become a remittance man, spend my life in wine women and song, and I’d never have to see this face again. This face- -That my hands were clutching, tears pouring out of my eyes like a flood. This face that I loved so well when it was attached to a woman named Serena. The only woman I would ever love, and now could never have. I went to see the Doctor. He was happy to see me up, and called his friend who now lived in LA. The guy promised to send something to me by FedEx, and then I called the lawyers and went to the bank. The church stood there, and I walked into the Rectory. Father Monahan was on a ladder, and I came up behind him and cleared my throat. “Father?” “He looked down. “Amanda? What are you doing back so soon?” “It wasn’t me, father. It was… It was the real Amanda. Father I beg you, will you hear my confession?” “The real…” “Father!” I wailed. “Please! Only God can help me now!” He climbed down, and led me into the nave to the confessional. I knelt down as the screen opened. “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It had been almost nineteen months since my last confession, and I swear before our Savior that it will be full and complete. Nothing shall be hidden from you. “I am not Amanda O’Neal. My name is really Peter Stankowski. I was injured in a bus accident on October 17th of the year before last, and until the second week of August this year, I was in a coma. During that time, I was declared dead because Tom Casey, an orphan from St Anthony’s boys home was beside me, and they assumed his body to be mine. “When I awoke, I had Serena O’Neal’s face. My doctor told me that I had been declared dead, and I was now a Jane Doe because the hospital had made a mistake and marked my file as female. I discovered among my effects a bank card given to me by my late Aunt Glenda which has given me money to do what I must, and I had tried to contact my father, but he has not been back to Virginia Beach since my reported death. “I had been getting off a bus when I met Serena, and she automatically assumed that I was her sister Amanda…” ***** Phase one complete. My penance was lighter than I could imagine. He had felt that God had punished me enough. Before I left the church for the last time I gave him fifty thousand. I would have given him more, but I had a use for it still. There was one last thing I had to do before this incarnation of Amanda O’Neal disappeared. I might up end up in jail. I knew that. I also knew that I would end up dead within a month, because without Serena, I had no reason to live. I picked up the dice, rolled them in my hand. Asked all of the female saints to blow on them, then threw them for the last time… The next morning I went to the doctor’s office and looked at what I had asked for. I took it out, looking at it. Then I put it on. It was a long way to the school, and I had hired a limo. It arrived as school was getting out, and I climbed out. My legs felt weak, I could barely stand because of all the emotional pain I was suffering but the Doctor had loaned me a cane. The students stared at the car, but a lot of people gasped when they saw me. I walked slowly forward, and like a school of fish before a Great White, they separated until I was staring at Serena and Amanda. Serena looked as if she had been gut shot, Amanda was noncommittal. I walked up until I stood less than five feet from them. And looked into my true love’s eyes. “Serena.” I whispered. “Oh God, it can’t be… Peter?” “Do you know how long I have hoped to hear you say my name?” I asked her gently. “To see you again?” I looked past her at Amanda’s furious face. “I’ve been in a coma and in and out of the hospital ever since the accident. I wasn’t cleared by my doctor to even be here before now.” “But Peter, what hospital, where-“ “I’ve been forbidden to see you ever again.” I said. “I was told to never ever come close to you, and I will honor my promise. But I have to say this to your face regardless of what happens to me afterward. “I love you. I have loved you since St Michael’s school. I have always loved you and always will love you. “If fate had not intervened, perhaps I could have proven this to you, and one day I would have asked you to marry me and prayed that you would say yes. But that is not to be. I must give you up and I ask, no I beg you, forget me. If I can’t be with you, I will die knowing you are still waiting for me to return. “I heard you sister finally came home, and I rejoice that she is with you again. May you live long and happy lives together. May you find a better man than I to marry, and I swear by all the saints that on that day I will dance in honor of your wedding wherever I am, and I will drink the health of every child you have, and if possible help them in their later life as if they were my own.” I looked at her one last time, my heart a shattered lump on the ground. “Goodbye.” I turned, and walked back to the car. “Peter?” I heard her whisper. “Peter?” I heard her cry, but I couldn’t see. I fumbled for the handle and finally caught it and clambered into the car. “Peter!” She was running toward me. I couldn’t take it. If she reached the car, touched me, I’d hold onto her even as the police dragged me away. “Drive.” The driver looked confused. “Damn you drive!” The tires spun smoking and I ran away. I saw her stop in the street, staring after me. Then she fell to her knees. Then she was gone. ‘A compromise would surely help the situation Agree to disagree but disagree to part When after all it's just a compromise Of the things we do for love, the things we do for love The things we do for love’ Reborn I handed the card to the doctor when I got back to the office. “Doc, there’s just under a million left. Play St Nick for me and give it away.” “But your face.” “Yeah. Give me my own face back first.” When can we do it?” “I can have a full team here by tomorrow evening.” The next evening, I lay on the table, the prosthesis finally gone for good, looking up as the mask was lowered over my face. “Count backward from 100.” The anesthesiologist said. “100, 99, 98…” ***** The room was dark when I awoke, but I knew that ceiling. Unlike the last time, I felt bandages. A figure sat in the chair beside me. I licked my lips. It hurt. “Doc?” I whispered. “You lied.” The visitor said. A hand came forward, and the table lamp came on. Amanda looked at me coldly. “I told you to stay away from her and you said you would. You lied to me!” I was having trouble tracking. I lied? Oh. “Had to see her one last time. Tell her how I feel…” “You implied to her that I had forbidden it!” “No… Ask anyone at school… Everyone knew what my… my father is like… Would have cut me off without a cent for even looking at her… Hurt her if I refused… She would assume it was him… Not you…” “So now she knows you’re alive. What makes you think she won’t look for you?” “My father again… He would hire detectives… body guards… Better protection than the Pope… Even if she tried, she wouldn’t get near me…” “So what now?” “Won’t get near him… Except to get money so I can go away… never come back…” I was drifting in and out. “Won’t want to be happy without… her…” “You love her that much.” “Yes.” “And the money you already had?” I looked at her. Had I told her about the money? “Gave it away… Not… Not important…” “Oh really. And where did you give this money away?” “Not your concern… All gone…” She glared at me hissing. “You are the most disgusting irritating man I have ever met. And working in New York, that’s saying something.” “You… were there?” I shook my head, confused. “Detectives… Looked for you.” “If they had checked the records, they would have found an Adorato O’Neil at the school. The Italian word for Beloved, as Amanda is the Spanish word. I knew dad would check hoping against hope. “Yeah. I already know from talking to Serena that you tracked me as far as Yellow Tavern, and they told you about New York. What she didn’t know was why you went there. Any answers?” I merely looked at her. “You knew I wanted to go to the High School for the Performing Arts?” I nodded. “I’m in the junior class there. In fact, I’m supposed to become a senior in June.” “But Serena… only freshman.” “No one told you about us, did they?” I looked confused. “Serena is a wunderkind. So am I when I exert myself. She could have been a freshman, jumped two whole grades the year I left. But she wouldn’t do it because of me.” “Because of… you?” “Yeah.” She shook her head. “Didn’t want to leave me high and dry by moving on to a new school before I got there. When I left, I finally found a reason to bust my hump.” “Acting…” “Yep. I played Sarah Fontaine in the Colonel’s Child bride, and right now I am supposed to be in rehearsals for an off Broadway production of Lolita. At least I was until someone found an old paper and asked me if I was related to the O’Neal’s of Virginia Beach. “It took me over a month to track down a video tape of the story. Seeing my sister walking into school. Then imagine my surprise when I noticed that I was with her. “I took time off from school. Sucked up to the director; and no, not in that way, to get two weeks off from reheasals. All I knew was that something weird was happening to my family and I wanted to know what the hell you were doing there. “Serena just acted like I hadn’t left when I finally came home. She’s so much more affectionate now. No doubt your doing.” “Most important person in the world.” I was starting to come out from under. I looked at my hands. “I gave up half a year of my life to be her sister when I could have just gotten my face fixed.” I looked at her. “She wouldn’t even have come near me after you left. She felt she would be betraying you if she was happy and you were still missing. So I did what had to be done to keep her happy.” “Let’s see… It’s taken me almost a week to discover all I had been doing. I had to talk to a lot of people and be very subtle about it.” She leaned back, fingers steepled in front of her. “First, Serena runs into me purely by chance. She immediately knows it is me, and drags me home. I spend that evening not really talking to dad and mom but listening like a spy; learning a lot about what has happened since I had left. They are under the impression, you see, that I have lost my memory. “Then I show up at school, looking for the picture of one Peter Stankowski. Yes I have heard all about Stankowski from the students there. That he was a standoffish little prig that wouldn’t give you the time of day. Killed in a tragic bus accident. When she discovers my interest, she shows me a photograph, because she foolishly loved this little monster and thought I felt the same. When she cries because he is gone, and I have returned, I promise to never leave ever again. I take the tests necessary, and get into school so I can be with her all the time. “I go to Mass, and Father Monahan, who is a very good friend of the family is surprised. I don’t greet him; I don’t go to confession or Holy Communion. Instead I ask him some silly question about which saint to pray for in helping to find someone. He gives me the names of three saints, and as he stands there I say a prayer to each as I light candles to them. Alarmed, he asks me who I am looking for and I say, ‘myself’.” “Then I defeat the biggest bully in the school with two blows. I met him last week in the hall and he actually went around me with his head down as if hoping I wouldn’t look at him “Then surprise, surprise, I become an expert on American Literature. Imagine Mr. Kaufman’s surprise when I have trouble explaining how much the later working conditions on whalers were affected by Herman Melville’s novel Moby Dick. He asked me if I was mad at him because he had ‘spurned my affections’ the last time he was here. I told him I had a lot on my mind, and I would do better. “Then I show up at the Halloween party dressed in a boy’s uniform with a name tag marked Peter Stankowski and proceed to monopolize my sisters’ entire dance. “My older sister Caitlin returns to go to work at the school. She teases me that I whisper my sister’s name in a dream, and I don’t react right. What I should have done is profess undying love and try to nibble on my little sister while she giggles. But she really gets suspicious when I can’t even remember her birthday. Imagine that!” She gave me this gamine look. “But Caitlin forgets her suspicions when someone kidnaps my sister, and I go berserk. I almost kill three men; verbally threaten to kill one and to neuter another. Why would someone who was guilty of some criminal conspiracy risk their life for some girl they had only met a month before? Just in case you were curious, you broke one man’s jaw, ruptured three discs in another, and if you had kicked him a little harder, you would have gelded the other with that kick. Both your coach at school and the woman who is your weight trainer were not surprised that you could be so lethal when told the circumstances. I am sure Yablonski would agree. “Then suddenly I just have to go Yellow Tavern. Serena refuses to let me go alone, and when I get there I do what? I leave her sleeping where she is safe and make a beeline for the Regimental Club. She wakes up, follows, and runs into an old friend named Yancey Stokes. I come in ready to commit murder, and calm down as soon as I know Serena is safe. I get my photo album and a brief synopsis of what I had been doing a year earlier and as an aside, the problems that family had suffered. Suddenly out of nowhere someone donated 50,000 dollars anonymously to rebuild their little theater. Would you know anything about that?” I bit my lip. “Then when we are going to buy Christmas presents, I find an envelope, and in it is 20,000 dollars in two 10,000 dollar bricks, fresh from the bank. I use logic and I will admit a sister who remembers a similar incident to convince my dad to post advertisements rather than handing it to the police. “A local newspaper and a local TV station pick up the story, and a month later the money is handed to dad in a very touching and highly televised ceremony, and who is standing behind him with Serena? Why me!” She gave me this little miss innocent blink. “Let me guess. You were the one that conveniently ‘lost’ twenty thousand dollars so you could ‘find’ it. That is why no one came forward to successfully claim it, right?” I kept my mouth shut. “I thought so.” “Then I go on a skiing trip with the school. Serena gets lost on the slopes. Do I sit in the lodge and wait? Do I have hysterics? No. “I break into the emergency locker, steal a bunch of gear, disobey every safety instruction, risk my life by going up the mountain in the worst blizzard of the season, find my sister and her companion, build them a shelter, bind their wounds, then I try to go back down the mountain in that blizzard trying to get help. Somehow I am knocked unconscious. “The rescue workers arrive, and when they find me I immediately tell them that the others are there and refuse to go down the mountain without them. I fight like a lioness against them until they finally go looking where I tell them to look. When they find them, I demand that the others who were more seriously injured be sent down in litters. “The boy with Serena was very badly injured. He had stepped in a hole and his leg is very badly broken. In fact the local doctors are sure he is going to lose his leg.” I snapped up right at that. “You didn’t know.” She said. “Then it is also probably a surprise that less than an hour after they say they might not be able to help, a very efficient doctor got a rather odd phone call. Someone told him that he was needed desperately. When the doctor told this unknown person that he was about to go on vacation, the person told him they would not only pay for that vacation, but all of his usual fees. He thinks they are joking but less than twenty minutes later a very reputable lawyer calls him, tells him his client has already authorized the funds transfer, and the lawyer is arranging a vehicle to get him there. You probably don’t know anything about that either, right?” I looked at her. This wasn’t as hard as dealing with Caitlin, but she already knew too much. “Again, an aside. The doctor said that if they had waited even until morning Tyler would have lost his leg. The damage was severe and only the best man for the job could have worked that miracle.” She cocked her head. “Do you know what he did with the fees he was paid for that job? And the money that he didn’t have to spend on the trip?” I just stared at her. “He gave it all to that Podunk little hospital to help them finally buy an emergency ‘life flight’ helicopter they have been trying to fund for three years now. If you ever go skiing there again, you will see it. That forty odd thousand dollars he donated got them the helicopter. When they wanted to dedicate it to him, the doctor refused. “He asked instead that it be dedicated to, and I quote ‘the unknown person that saved a young boy’s future life and leg at my hands. The person who like the Good Samaritan of old helped someone he didn’t even know, and left without saying a word’. That is why the Helicopter is now named ‘Good Samaritan’. “Then we come to the day after Valentine’s Day. I go to the gym as I always do three times a week. Odd that, did you know that while I can fight to protect myself, I prefer stiletto heels and nails. But suddenly i am enamored of boxing. I meet some lunatic who claims to be me. I tell her some cock and bull story that I am really a dead man who by pure accident has my sister’s face, and when I am challenged, I don’t fight her, I walk away. Whether I know it or not, I am an extremely deadly person in such a tiny package. I have proven that violence is not beyond me. But. I. Walk. Away.” She looked at me for a long time. “Now think of my last week from my point of view. I face this imposter, and hear this story. I think; whoever this person is, they are lying. The man she claims to be is dead. I don’t know what she is thinking or plotting or planning, but I tell her to go away and never return. I return to my home, where my sister acts like I never left. To ease her suspicions, I decide to spend what time I have left of this vacation I have arranged pretending to be the imposter. I go to school where I begin to find out all of what I was supposed to have done. “I went to church, where I hear all of the interesting things I had done. Did you know I always go to confession, pardon the pun, religiously? But for six months I didn’t go. Father Monahan was so sure I had become apostate. He felt so much better when I did go to confession that Sunday. He thanked me for returning the trust he had always had in me. I asked him if anything odd had happened during that last six months. He did mention that I suddenly started lighting candles and why, then as an aside he mentioned something really odd. “You know what that parish is like after being there for six months. Most of the people are the genteel poor. Yet suddenly right after I came home, someone began stuffing money by the bagful into the poor boxes. Two or three hundred dollars a week. He knew it was the same person but not a local, because the average family that lives there would be giving up their food budget for a week or more by doing that. But I was the only new face in the congregation. Over six thousand dollars to date; where would I have gotten that kind of money? “Then that very night I get an interesting call. He calls my house, asks for me directly, then once he is sure he’s talking to me, he said, ‘It may surprise you, but ‘you’ came by totally despondent, positively frantic and gave me such an interesting confession’. He wouldn’t tell me what ‘I’ said of course, but he ended with an odd comment. He said, ‘I think you have misjudged yourself’. “Then I am at school when this limo shows up. A rental, I know the type, and out gets the supposedly late Peter Stankowski. I assume that this must be plan B. He comes up, professes undying love for my sister, tells her he is forbidden to see her ever again, begs her to forget him and marry another and then escapes leaving my sister a heartbroken wreck. “So I tell myself, there is evidence of what kind of monster he is if I only look for it. So I look and what do I find?” She opened her bag, and pulled out the ledgers. My heart stopped. I had recorded every emotion, every minute of my life with Serena in those damned books. “I read them last night. All of them. You even kept an accounting of what it cost in your attempts to find me. I had all the proof I needed to show my sister that you were a lying bastard. But I hadn’t told the family anything yet. “I mention to her that night that maybe ‘Peter’ really didn’t care. That he had said that only to hurt her. She defended you with such ferocity I would have thought you were the sister, not I. She said to me that Peter’s father was a demon from hell, and that the only good thing the evil man had done in his life was father the boy. That she would storm the gates of heaven and hell herself to get him back, and until she did, she would never rest. That he was the only man she would ever love; that she would take holy orders if she could not be your wife because ‘the only other beings in the universe beyond reproach were God himself and me’. “That shook me. How could I leave her deluded about you and go back to what I am trying to do? I mention as an aside that I might have to leave again. If the first reaction was surprising, this one was nothing short of alarming. She began wailing that I were going to leave, and it took five hours and a promise that I would never leave ever again to get her out of her room. During all of that she was wailing that it was bad enough that you were gone from her life forever, but if I went as well, she would have nothing to live for. “I did notice comments about Doctor Zim. You respect him a lot. But do you know you never wrote his address down? If you had we could have had this discussion before your operation.” She looked at me. “So you see my position. I cannot just give up my dream, and it is close enough for me to taste it. I have to go back to that life, if only for a short time. I have to finish school so I can use my acting credits and the fact that I have been through their curriculum and graduated to build a career on. But I can’t do that here. And I can’t go without destroying my sister like I almost did two years ago. “I see these-” She handed me the journals which I took with a trembling hand, “and as much as I want to believe it I don’t see a monster. I see a man that has given up his own future to protect the woman he loves. That spent in excess of four hundred thousand dollars not only looking for one foolish woman, but to help everyone he met that needed help in between. Just because in some small way they helped either Serena or I, or like the doctor, could help one of those people. “I have only one question of you. How far were you willing to go?” “I’ve cut myself out of her life forever.” I said dully. “I burned the bridge, salted the earth, and once I have the money, I won’t even live in this country with her.” I looked at her, and I almost screamed, “What more do you want from me? My death? Hand me the knife!” She looked at me for a long moment. Then, softly, she said, “I want you to pretend to be me again. Just until I get out of school in New York.” I looked at her in shock. I fumbled for the call button, and buzzed. Then I touched my face under the bandages. “I don’t know how fast the doctor can fix this. I’ll have weeks of swelling.” “That quickly?” “You don’t get it.” I sighed. “Heaven is beside Serena. Even if you told me to leave and never come back when you do return for all time, I would give my soul for these last moments." Doctor Zim came in. “So you are awake. The operation went well, and you can be out of the bandages in a week-“ “Doc, put my face back. Give me Amanda’s face again.” He stared at me, then looked at Amanda, who nodded. “Human skin is not like plastic or rubber young man. I can’t guarantee that you will ever get your real face back if I do this. I can’t guarantee that I will even be able to return your face to what she looked like. If we wait a couple of weeks-“ “No doctor. I can’t wait that long.” I touched my face. It hurt a little. Probably the painkillers were taking off the edge. “Do it.” “So bossy, all the time you are bossy.” He waved a finger at me. “Did you even look at yourself? You don’t care that you may be a circus freak if I operate again in so short a time?” “Doctor, I don’t care if I end up looking like the Elephant Man when you’re done. I have to take the chance. Please, do it.” “No. You look at what I do. You see real you again. Be happy with your face.” He grabbed pair of scissors, slashing through the bandages. “You look at all of my work you want to waste. Then you tell me again to ruin it!” I closed my eyes, and felt the bandages being ripped away. He thrust a mirror in my hands. “Look.” “Doctor.” I said patiently. “I don’t think I’ll have the courage to go through with this if you force me to look. I know what I looked like. I will treasure that memory. “But the only face I can love is Serena’s. If I cannot be there with her, and Amanda cannot, then you leave me no choice but suicide. I have already destroyed her love, and at least my death as Peter would give her some closure.” I heard a step, and a gentle hand touched mine, pushing the mirror up. “Look Peter.” Amanda said. “No, Amanda. I won’t look at what I might have had. I will look at what I want to see.” “Open your eyes!” they snapped open at the command, and she pointed. “Look!” I looked hesitantly down. The hair had fallen over my face, and I couldn’t see it. I carefully pulled the hair back. Serena’s face looked back at me. I stared at it, then at her, then at him. “She arrived just as you were going under. Didn’t even get a chance to start. I think you are bossy. Oh boy! Stay around her; get lessons from a master! She chased everyone out, and spoke to me, told me what she needed to know. I promised to help. Put the bandages on you, let you wake up.” “But my face hurts…” “Small sterile needle. Poked you along lines where I would have worked right before you woke up.” He shrugged. “Pain for a few more hours, then nothing. Not even scars “I had to know.” Amanda said softly. “I know what your ledgers said. Fifty thousand to the Stokes, over two hundred thousand to different detective agencies, one hundred thirty thousand to one a doctor,” She waved at Zim, “and forty seven to another. Dumping 20,000 dollar on the off chance that you could convince Dad to keep it; giving the good doctor here almost a million dollars and saying; ‘Play St. nick for me’. “What kind of man throws money away like that? A conman? You couldn’t have gotten a tenth of what you have already spent out of them. Someone who was trying to rip off Marcus Stankowski? The guy would laugh at the attempt.” She sat on the bed, and touched my face gently. “No. The only kind of man that would do all of that is a hopelessly romantic fool doing everything he can to make the woman he loves happy. That has given up half of a year at the same time to be there for her every minute.” She leaned forward, and kissed my cheek. “A man I will be proud to call brother and law when I return. I told Serena that I had spoken to you. That between us we would make your father see sense, and you would be together if we had to move heaven and Earth. That if she challenges heaven and hell I will be on one side of her, you on the other. “That is if you can do this for me starting tonight.” I stared at her in amazement. I could step right back in, become Amanda again until she returned. Then I could come back as myself, sweep her off her feet, live happily ever after… “That is if you want to. Far be it from me to force you into-“ “Yes!” I cried. Then I stopped, whispering. “I’ll do it! I’ll do anything for the woman I love.” “Then you had best get dressed. Mom and dad will already be so upset that you were out late, but I am sure you can walk widdershins around that. You’ve done it before.” “But you still have a week of your vacation.” “Peter, you remember what you said a moment ago? That you didn’t think you had the guts to ask him to change your face again if you saw it in the mirror? My lovely brother to be, I knew exactly how you feel. If I don’t go now, I don’t think I will have the guts to go back to cold and friendless New York.” She raised an admonishing finger. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t ask for say two weeks during summer vacation.” “I’ll even pay your way round trip.” “You’ll do nothing of the sort. I expect you to squirrel away whatever you have left and spend it on my sister. Now get dressed.” I leaped from the bed, putting the prosthesis back on; slipped into the clothes she handed to me, and then I looked at her hesitantly. “How do I look?” “Like you belong.” She kissed me on the cheek. “Someday we will; all three of us, look back on this, and regale your children with what you have done for love. No man has ever done more.” She kissed me on the lips. “Take care of her. Protect her, be with her, love her for both of us.” “I swear I will.” Doctor Zim gave me a lift to the house. He handed me the card. “You might need this.” I climbed out of the car, staring at the house. I wanted to run away, I wanted to run in. I wanted to stand here and couldn’t think of what to do. I walked forward, I had barely walked in when Serena tackled me. “Where did you go? I was worried!’ “I’m sorry my love.” I hugged her, kissing her on the cheek. “I just needed some time to myself tonight.” “You almost ended up with the police asking you oh so politely to head back home after they cuffed you and threw you in the car this time.” Caitlin commented, coming from the kitchen. “Dad and mom are driving around trying to find you.” “All right!” I laughed. “I promise, and will repeat the promise when they get home. I will let them know where I am. I’ll even call them if I am going to be late from the Gym. I will try to never worry them again.” I looked into Serena’s eyes. “I have far to go and promises to keep.” I kissed her cheek, and hugged her to me. “But I will go with you every step of that way, and I will always be there for you no matter what happens. That I promise.” ‘Ooh you made me love you Ooh you've got a way Ooh you had me crawling on the floor’ The things we do for Love: 10cc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 Come on, say something!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Sorry mach, I haven't gotten around to reading the whole thing just yet (work, other real life obligations, yadda yadda), and I don't really want to spoil myself by reading the excerpts here. But from what I've read, I can definitely say that it's one of the better pieces of fanfiction I've ever encountered. I may have a very unique perspective on the whole thing, since I've actually read the manga from which you derive your story from and while it is certainly very different, you've managed to stay pretty much in line with the tone of the story. I was kind of disappointed with the ending of Pretty Face, so I'm quite interested in how you're going to resolve things with Amanda and Serena. I promise I'll have a more comprehensive feedback post once I actually get through the whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 I may have a very unique perspective on the whole thing, since I've actually read the manga from which you derive your story from and while it is certainly very different, you've managed to stay pretty much in line with the tone of the story. I was kind of disappointed with the ending of Pretty Face, so I'm quite interested in how you're going to resolve things with Amanda and Serena. Hey kid, no worries. You and Jae are my only Beta readers, and I was venting at the forty-odd who rerad it and said squat. Read posting 3, which is the end as I saw it. Of course I have added three bloody pages (Two of them in the ending) and it is different now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth-Meatbag Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I WANT THE REST!!! That was great. I read the whole thing so far. It was very intresting when the real Amanda came into the story. I appreciate all your hard work to make this. ~Darth-Meatbag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 8, 2007 Author Share Posted March 8, 2007 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I WANT THE REST!!! That was great. I read the whole thing so far. It was very intresting when the real Amanda came into the story. I appreciate all your hard work to make this. ~Darth-Meatbag I am trying to sell this to a normal mass market publisher. But if you want the whole thing, I can post it on lulu.com where it can be had for a nominal fee. I would just give it away, but that is why I now have to first copywrite my other non SW works, then demand that they be removed from websites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth-Meatbag Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 I don't really care where its posted, could you post it on lulu.com or something so I can get it? Its really good and you left me hanging . Anyway if your going to wait and publish it I understand, let me know. ~Darth-Meatbag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 8, 2007 Author Share Posted March 8, 2007 I don't really care where its posted, could you post it on lulu.com or something so I can get it? Its really good and you left me hanging . Anyway if your going to wait and publish it I understand, let me know. ~Darth-Meatbag All right. For anyone interested, I will post the entire book on lulu.com under this title and my last name of lorance. later today. It should be up and ready by tomorrow morning. The price for a paperback is set by them, but an e-copy pdf costs 2.00 of which I get a buck and change. Addition: It is now 8:03 PST and it will take 24 to 48 hours to go on the list. To find it search for Lul.com, when it tells you it is self publishing, click on it, search on the site for Lorance, which will give you eight books to choose from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth-Meatbag Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Is it posted? ~Darth-Meatbag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 mach, do these have ratings on them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machievelli Posted March 8, 2007 Author Share Posted March 8, 2007 mach, do these have ratings on them? The books at Lulu.com are acessible by ratings. I.E., anyone can see a family rated book but if it is marked adult or mature, you cannot or at least are not supposed to. As for MOML, it should be posted somewhere between 8 this evening and eight in the evening tomorrow. 11 march: The lulu.com site is having problems with their search engine, so going to my page or trying to search directly is futile. I will try to let you know when it comes up. May not be too quick at it though because between now and tuesday I will be packing stuff into storage, and will spend next week trying to find a job and place to live in vegas. 12 March as of around 10 AM the book is finally up on lulu.com Before anyone says it, yes I know you can;'read the full title on the cover. 28 MARCH. After all of that flak I got from you, DM... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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