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i made this book. it's a funny remake of episode I and soon to have a movie sequal (summer 2007). ((it will be on youtube provided by infantryhawk)me))


Staaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg (I’m a pirate!) wars



Were Has Quii Gone?

Wan Can Of Obby

Anakin re-formed particle walker

Dark Maul

Queen I’m a Dolla

Door Door

Clan toper

Gamble droid

Generally Grimleous

Count dukes… ohhh…

The Chowsler

The Impiererer





Princess Lenny


Ayala Shakea

Mace Of Windows

Yo Duh

Luke Re-formed Particle Walker

Chewy back-a

Bo Ba French

Jan go fetch!

Same trooper

Rackety solider

Hun Suno

Darth t’e Aider

Whacked Antlers



Episode one: the pHAMtom menace




Were has Quii Gone?

Wan Kan Of Obby

Anakin re-formed particle walker

Dark Maul

Queen I’m a Dolla (Muppet)

Door Door

Gamble droid


Mace of Windows

Yo Duh




A far time ago in a galaxy long long away?



There is a war. A bunch of robots that are obsessed with gambling against some guys from a clan that top ice cream. Anakin re- formed Particle walker is 9 years old, and a slave on the planet Tootawhine. His master Whato, is very mean. One day a fat frog guy, a young girl with one eye constantly twitching, and a guy that couldn’t stop laughing killed Whato for the heck of it. Then the fat one got beat up by a gambling droid and the laughing guy used a lifesaver! They introduced themselves to the now free Anakin re- formed particle walker. The fat frog called himself Door Door, the twitching eye girl was Muppet, and the laughing dude couldn’t say his name, because he was laughing so hard over killing a gambler. OMG! DID YOU SEE THAT?? I DON”T KNOW WHY IT’S CALLED A LIFESABER IF IT KILLS THINGS. HAHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH OMG! HAHAHAHHA DID YOU SEE THAT, IT WAS BETTING A BUCK IT WOULD WIN! OMG! AHHAHAHHAHAHHAH!


After 19 ½ minutes of this Muppet said he was called Were Has Quii Gone? Then a younger man, who was jumping around like a girl, came in, and they called him Wan Can of Obby. They then went out to Anakin’s house.


At Anikan’s house, they met Ms. Re-formed particle walker, who kindly provided dinner. HAHAHAAHAHAHAH TURKEY MAKES ME LAUGH! Said Quii Gone. We have no turkey in this galaxy, replied Ms. Particle Walker. So, it still makes me laugh. Later, Anakin brought Muppet to his room. This is a droid I’m working on I call it 3cp0-FART. Am I fat naked? Asked 3cp0-FART. RA-AR who came with Quii Gone, beeped which meant, VERY!


After dinner Quii Gone was still on the topic of turkey. There is no turkey in this galaxy! Ms. Re- formed particle walker argued. Oh hahah but is there? Said Quii Gone. No there isn’t. here it is. Quii Gone pulled out a giant piece of turkey and began to laugh.

Were did you get that??? Everyone yelled. In my happy place. He then threw it at Anakin, who started bleeding. Then Quii gone wiped some of the blood up with the turkey. What are you doing? Asked Anakin. I am checking for (drum role please…) MAD TURCKEY DISEASE! Anakin doubted this, but didn’t question Quii Gone.


Quii Gone was finally off the topic of turkey, but now marched around yelling Nudeian. Anakin asked what Nudeian was, and Quii Gone said it was his starcraft. Anakin said if he had a starcraft he should fly to a different planet. But Quii Gone simply said it was missing a few pieces. Anakin noticed he could win these pieces from a pod racing competition, so he tells Quii Gone about it. They both decide to enter.


When the two were painting their pods, Anakin asked what design Quii Gone had put on his. Tell me what you put on yours first, said Quii Gone. I just put my name on the side, replied Anakin. Now, what did you put on yours? It says “Laughing Turkey”. Quii Gone said excitedly.


At the races, Subby, the pod racing champ, was finishing up his pod. He then went up to Quii Gone and said, hey loser what’s a turkey? Quii Gone burst out laughing and said it smelled better then Subby, who was now boiling over with rage. He then threw a tomato at Quii Gone’s pod. HAAHHAHAHAHAHH RED JUICE ON MY POD!


The race started with Subby in the lead, right behind him was Mohawk, behind him, was Quii Gone, who laughed at Anakin’s pod, which wouldn’t start. Anakin caught up with Quii Gone when he got the pod working, and Quii Gone started throwing tomatoes. RED JUICE FOR ME, RED JUICE FOR YOU, RED JUICE FOR ALL HAHAHHAHAHHAH! At this point Anakin saw through a layer of red, Mohawk getting shot by Subby. Then Quii Gone caught up with Subby. DO YOU LIKE RED JUICE??? He asked. Before Quii Gone could “donate” any red juice, Subby made a funny face at him. Quii gone started thinking about turkey and laughing at Subby at the same time. HAHATURKEYAHHAHAAHTURAHAHHAKEYAHAH! He then flew off the track, into a pack of Turkish runners. Now, Anakin had caught up with Subby and simply won the race by throwing some turkey Quii Gone gave him at Subby, who crashed.


You did it Anny! Ms. Re-formed particle walker yelled. In the corner, Quii Gone was admitting to Wan Can of Obby that he risked Anakin’s life. GUESS WHAT??? IT’S A GOOD THING WE WON BECAUSE I TOLD SUBBY ANAKIN WOULD BE HIS SLAVE IF WE LOST! WELL IN EXCHANGE FOR A LOT OF TURCKEY OF CORSE! HEY CAN BOY!


When Ms. Re-formed Particle walker asked Quii Gone about “that one thing” he was supposed to whisper but yelled VERY loud while laughing. HAHAHAHHAHAH what a funny codename! WELL YOU SEE ANAKIN HAS THE FORCE IN HIM HE SHOULD BECOME A JEDI AND GO WITH US IN OUR NUDEIAN STARCRAFT! Anakin heard this and was astonished. Then he headed off with Quii Gone.


When they were near the starcraft, Quii Gone saw a red-faced creature coming at them on a fast vehicle. He tried to warn Anakin, but laughed to hard. HAHHAHAH ANAKIN, AHHAHAHAH… Quii Gone managed to duck in time but Anakin didn’t. Anakin got his head chopped off, and Door Door came running up and said, Mesa repair that now! Using a fusion cutter, he made a collar around Anakin’s neck and put it back on. Mesa says good as new!


When they boarded the Nudeian starcraft, Anakin asked why Muppet’s eye always twitched. She replied, I’ve been trying to get my contact out for ages! Just then, it fell out. Now why’s your ear twitching? Now THAT’S just natural.


They landed on Crescent, and Anakin was tested to become a Jedi. While waiting he noticed a poster it said:



There is laughing, and there is turkey

There is yo, and there is duh.

There is a mace, and there are windows

There is a Jedi, and there is math

There is no death, there is the FARTS.


I made the part about turkey, said Quii Gone from outside the window.




When he was being tested, Mace of Windows asked if Anakin had ever experienced the FARTS. He said P U! no one approved except for Yo Duh. His Humor I like. Stay, he shall. I don’t like it so, LEAVE he shall. Said Ki-add-up-mund+a.


I can’t believe this! Anakin exclaimed. Just because I told a little joke… well Yo Duh liked it. At this point, a random person came by and yelled: BLOODY! Then came back around and said: cheese… come on your coming with me and Can Boy. Said Quii Gone. HAHAHHA CAN BOY THAT NEVER GETS OLD!


They went to Na Bone to help defend the planet. MESA HOME! Door Door yelled. Comey to the cookie machine. Then they saw a skinny frog, which was the leader of Door Door’s species. You shall all go to the… Executioner sir? NO STUPID THE COOKIE MACHINE! There you will receive cookies shaped like you and if you have one, your pod.


Quii Gone burst out laughing in the corner. When everyone asked what it was, he said: it says “laughing turkey” on the side of my cookie! My favorite saying!


They then left the cookie machine to go to war. Quii gone ate and laughed over 302 small cookies, so they made him a life-sized pod racer cookie. Hey, Can Boy, (HAHAHAHAHAH) Anakin, come here. What Quii Gone? It’s 3 in the morning. I decided with high technology, I could make my cookie pod run! That’s impossible, said a gamble droid beside them who was then hit with 39 “red juice makers”.


HAHAHAHAHA RED JUICE FOR YOU! Screamed Quii Gone. Come on Quii Gone. Finish what you were saying. Oh ok. I am going to mix red juice with turkey and laugh into the key slot and it should go. He then walked away laughing about “ a guy that got hit with a tomato when he had 3 aces and 1 king” and then Wan Can Of Obby whispered to Anakin, I can’t believe this guy is my master.


When Door Door went out with the others, Anakin and Wan Can of Obby were waiting. Were is he? Anakin asked. Well, replied Wan Can of Obby, crazy people that power cookies by laughing at 3 in the morning usually don’t wake up to early. Was that a guess? Anakin asked. Yes.


At this point, Anakin and “Can Boy” saw a huge cookie colored flash, that sounded like it was saying, I WANT THE TURKEYS TO WIN THE SUPERBOWL! AHAHAHAHAHAH! They chased it and Quii Gone had actually powered the cookie. Just like he said. They chased him to the battle.


They had arrived in the room in the palace called “the battle room” held for battles in the palace, so the fine china wouldn’t break. At this point Muppet showed she was actually the queen. Anakin was appalled. She gave a speech, which went like this:


I am actually the queen and will defend my planet at all cos- ow! Quii Gone if you threw that turkey ill send the evil cookie squad after you! Uh-ho that wasn’t supposed to come out. At that point Door Door said: MESA’S COOKIE MACHINE GONE EVIL??? NOOOO! NO REASON TO LIVE YOU FIND MESA MAKING HIS HEAD INTO EVIL COOKIE.


Halfway across the galaxy a Yewok said he loved Queen I’m a Dolla. She felt this and so did the Druidika next to her. They both shook.


Then Anakin got in a Na Bone starfighter. He shoot the shaking Druidika and then saw Dark Maul. Ahhhh, it’s the guy that chopped my head off! He said and then flew out of the battle room with other pilots.


Wan Can Of Obby, and Quii Gone ran up to him and they had a lifesaber battle. Then, Wan Can Of Obby got locked out and Door Door came up behind him and yelled” MESA’S COOKIE MACHINE IS SAVED! Wan Can of Obby stared at him and, Door Door said, maybe this bad time. Goy back to cookie machine now.


At the point one Clan Toper thought they should help Na Bone, Quii Gone and Dark Maul put away there lifesavers and Quii Gone asked, your on steroids aren’t you? I use them for baseball, Dark Maul Replied.


In space Anakin told RA-AR to shoot a piece of turkey at the droid federation ship he did so and it was all destroyed. Meanwhile, Down on the ground Door Door were throwing lifesaver candy and gambling with droids.


When the 3 Jedi were fighting again, they all turned into Sar Wars battlefront2 style. Hey Quii Gone! Look my L1 attack is lifesaver throw! Hmm… mines turkey throw! Ok lets go. They chased Dark maul through the Deed Star. until Quii Gone yelled Can Boy!!! Move on without me! I am almost out of lifesaver power! remember me and the last of the turkey… NOOOOOOO!!!! QUII GONE!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS DARK! YOU WILL! But before Quii Gone died he said remember the poster Wan Can of Obby. Remember the poster. He did. He remembered his first days as a Jedi in training and how Quii Gone trained him from the beginning. Before he was struck by lightning which drove him into an insane laughing turkey obsessed state of mind. He remembered the poster then too, it sounded in his head as if Quii Gone was reading it. It said:





There is laughing, and there is turkey

There is yo, and there is duh.

There is a mace, and there are windows

There is a Jedi, and there is math

There is no death, there is the FARTS.


I wrote the part about turkey a random voice said. Were did that come from? Wan Can of Obby asked. He remembered what a friend Quii Gone was and said, may the FARTS be with you dearest departed Were Has Quii Gone. May the FARTS be with you. I’m not departed stupid, well I will be in 10 seconds. Take care of my turkey. I will Quii Gone, I will.


When Wan Can of Obby ran off, a clan toper saw Quii Gone’s body and said, SUPER gamble droids!!! Knock ‘em down!


Wan Can of Obby found Dark and sharpened his lifesaver with a piece of turkey Quii Gone gave him. He threw it at Dark, who instantly ran out of lifesaver power and fell.

Anakin felt something go trough him as the turkey blew up the droid ship, it was like a wave of sadness. He then told Wan Can of Obby who told him about Quii Gone. They then went to Quii Gone’s burning. There was a few speeches which went like this:



Wan Can of Obby’s speech: I knew Quii Gone all my life, since he trained me. For those of you who think he’s crazy he wasn’t always that way. He got struck by FART lightning, and went into a mad, laughing, crazy state of turkey loving. We will all miss him but one day join him in a turkey paradise, (at this Wan Can of Obby though, uh ho, I’m going to see him again! Everyone else shuddered) with the FARTS.


Yo Duh’s speech: miss him, we will. Turkey loving, he was. A good friend, he was.


Ki-add-up-mund+a’s speech: he was a crazy Jedi like many of the rest.


Anakin, Queen I’m a Dolla said, you should make a speech. Ok.

Anakin’s speech: this man made us laugh at 3 in the morning donated over 30000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 gallons of red juice, and raised 2123457990975323579086545467 turkeys, but yet was a good friend to us all. He was strong with the FARTS and a good Jedi. He was such a nice person, so good, that words can not describe this turkey lover. And for that, I say goodbye to him. Everyone was crying and clapping for Anikan’s dramatic speech. Well, they were until Door Door came up to the stand and said: EVERYONE THE COOKIE MACHINE IS WORKING! Then they beat him up. The end.




Random facts by: Were has Quii Gone?


Sar wars comes from the back of the star wars battlefront2 Manuel. They had a huge typo.


My brother was yelling out bloody, so I made the random guy walk by Anakin and say BLODDY! Cheese…


The poster by the Jedi judging spot was actually in the movie.


Darth maul could take about 5-7 Quii Gones and Obi Wans in battlefront2.


Quii Gone is not in battlefront2.


I have watched the real movie twice, and read 2 books on it, so I knew the story line.


Quii Gone will be back in the 6th book.








this is my favorite emotion: :smash:



please rate the book!

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