[Fic]Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic III: The Lost Empire

[The Architect]

Well as I said, this wasn’t supposed to happen but since my computer has to be cleaned out, meaning anything that is saved on my computer will be deleted, I’ve decided to paste what I’ve done of my abbreviated KotOR III plot suggestion so far and my KotOR comedy so far.

 

Even though KotOR III plot suggestions are pointless since the developers will use their own, I thought for the hell of it I’d just give a brief idea (when I say brief, I mean brief in terms of detail) of how a KotOR III plot could be set up, or at least how I’d set one up.

 

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic III: The Lost Empire

By Me

 

Why is your KotOR III PC powerful?

 

Well, I found the “listening to the force” idea, which is not mine, to be great. However, in my plot suggestion, the force doesn’t have a domineering will over the K3 PC, and it’s because of the mysterious link the PC has with the True Sith (I won’t say any more) that enables him/her to have a strong ah… bondage with the force.

 

Well, your character is a guy (or lady) who during the Jedi Civil War was a padawan with lots of potential who was on the verge of becoming a Jedi Knight. Shortly after the Jedi Civil War ended, you left the Order {insert reason from selection of choices in a conversation during the game} and embarked on various adventures across the outer rim.

 

During the game, you may or may not have conversations with your companions about your adventures. If you do, you have an opportunity to gain LS or DS points and gain or lose influence with your companions, depending on how you view your adventures.

 

During your adventures - even though you left the Order, you didn’t leave the force. In fact, you spent so much time listening to the force during your adventures, that you built a strong relationship with it, to the point where you can interpret its will far greater than most force users in the galaxy.

 

However, when the threat of Darth Nihilus arose, you went into hiding on Corellia. Corellia may or may not be your home world - that’s up to you to decide in a conversation with one of your companions during the game.

 

Despite the fact you left the Order, it doesn’t mean Darth Nihilus can’t gobble you up. You know this, and that’s why you chose to go into hiding. How’d you find out about what happened to Katarr?

 

That’s up to your imagination. You figured hiding on a well inhabited planet would make your force sensitivity difficult to detect, like Zez-Kai Ell figured when he chose to hide on Nar Shaddaa.

 

So why are you level one at the start of the game? Because at some point early on when you’re on Corellia, the force told you to shut up and lay off – otherwise the chances of Nihilus finding you would increase, since you were getting so strong in the force.

 

When that happened, your life went down hill. You became an unemployed alcoholic who used to have a gambling addiction. I say used to because you no longer have any credits to gamble with! But not all is doom and gloom.

 

When the Exile killed Darth Nihilus, the force told you that it’s okay now for you to listen to it and rebuild your once strong relationship with it. This is the first step in turning your life around on Corellia. This is where the game begins. So the game actually begins before the Exile fights Darth Traya in TSL.

 

 

Planet 1: Corellia

 

As you slowly “restart” your strong force connection (it’ll take time to rebuild) you also begin your quest to stay off the booze, make credits and not gamble with them! You’re desperate for work, so you’ll have to rely on Corellia’s equivalent of Centrelink over here to find yourself a half assed job.

 

Coincidentally a few days into your half assed job, you’re approached by a member of the Intergalactic Exchange. The Exchange member sees great potential in you. You’re given an offer to join them. And seriously, why would you refuse such an offer, given your situation?

 

Well, you can if you want. You either join the Exchange and do missions for them, or help the Corellian authorities infiltrate and shut down the Exchange’s planetary narcotics (spice) market on Corellia. Or you can play both sides against each other. See what I mean by I haven’t gone into the details?

 

It’s recommended that you do other credit making optional missions such as bounty hunting, hunting creatures or whatever in the wild, swoop racing and non-lethal dueling as well. You could play pazaak as well but that wouldn’t exactly help your gambling addiction would it?

 

Once you’ve made a certain amount of credits and done all the missions you’re assigned to do, the screen fades to black. When the screen returns, it’s now two and a half years after TSL, you’ve increased by two levels and you have 5000 credits more than what you had just before the screen faded to black.

 

Soon you’ll run into a one eyed, scar faced, witty, optimistic Sullustan named Taleqo Azakaar, who claims to be a friend of your old master, Vandar, who is dead. Taleqo’s a brilliant and experienced ship mechanic who is very skilled with the use of his two custom made vibro-blades.

 

He’s a nice guy who doesn’t whine like Bastila and Carth did in KotOR. He joins your party thus becomes your first party member {for some plausible reason/s a dev could come up with that I can’t think of}.

 

So, why have you made almost no progress in how strong you are in the force in two and a half years? Don’t ask me. Who’d know? Well guess what? Like them or not, the slowly rebuilding Jedi Order led by the Exile’s companions (if you set the Exile as LS) or four alien Jedi (if you set the Exile as DS) may have some answers.

 

I know it’s forced, but you decide to go and fly to Coruscant using Taleqo’s ship, the Avello Crow. According to the latest news holovoids on Corellia, the currently one and only Jedi Academy in the galaxy is located on Coruscant, so that’s why you go there.

 

You can’t avoid coming into contact and talking with a tall Kel-Dor named Woutahn Zyparru on Corellia, who’s been searching for you for seven months. According to Woutahn, you’re linked to the True Sith in some way. Since you have an exceptional aptitude to tell when someone is lying or not, you know he’s not lying.

 

Woutahn once belonged to a group of force users in the unknown regions called the Kahadras who followed the Kyle Katarn philosophy. Woutahn is the last surviving member of them. They were killed in a battle against the True Sith just over seven months ago.

 

A clairvoyant amongst the Kahadras said somewhere in the Core Worlds there’s a former Jedi {with your description} that is destined to destroy the True Sith. She also added that if you fail to confront the True Sith, they would find you, destroy you instead, and the galaxy would enter a millennium of terrible darkness. Before the Kahadras could find you, warn you and help you, it was too late. The True Sith destroyed them in battle.

 

They’re coming…

 

Woutahn is desperate for revenge against the True Sith. He knows you need to become stronger in the force, and quickly, to be able to fulfill your destiny. However, it’s against the tradition of the Kahadras, a tradition he strictly follows, to train you.

 

So he has to rely on four things to help you and give you the time you need to rapidly increase your connection to the force. One, you need to successfully harness the power of the atypical force crystal that’ll help speed up your strength in the force that Woutahn will give you.

 

Two, he has to hope the Jedi leaders know why over the past two and a half years you’ve struggled to reconnect to the force. Three, he has to hope the Jedi leaders will train you because it’ll help increase your force connection and four, he has to hope the outer-rim defensive stronghold of the now joint Republic/Mandalorian forces can hold off the soon to come True Sith invasion so you have some time to grow powerful.

 

And by the way, a skilled female Zeltron pilot

 

Anyhow - you, Taleqo and Woutahn head off to Coruscant. On your way to Coruscant, in a conversation between you, Taleqo and Woutahn, you determine the gender and alignment the Exile. {I won’t go into the details of the conversation}.

 

All I’ll say is, the reason why you don’t decide the gender and alignment of the Exile in a Jedi history test on Coruscant is because presumably you’d do your training after you’ve spoken to the Council (it’s not currently a proper Council so to speak) which the members it consists of depends on uh… the gender and alignment of the Exile.

Revan’s gender and alignment however will be decided in a Jedi history test on Coruscant since it has no effect on who the Council members are.

 

Yes that’s right; LS Bastila isn’t on the Council. Obviously DS Bastila wouldn’t be. And yes, even though she could’ve been killed in KotOR, she’s alive in KotOR III no matter what. Sorry Bastila haters.

 

Planet 2: Coruscant

 

The necessary but not proper Jedi Council believes no proper Jedi training for years is the reason why you’ve struggled to become strong in the force again. You know that’s bull crap, because without your help, you were at one stage powerful.

 

In other words, they don’t know. Oh, and you and Woutahn decide to keep hush hush about the atypical force crystal you now have, which regardless, you will harness its energy or whatever well.

 

The Jedi would probably disapprove of you being in possession of such a rare crystal. And you also both agree to keep quiet about your mysterious connection to the True Sith, since the Jedi might think you’re evil and try and kill you.

 

STAR WARS: KNIGHTS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC

I KNOW WHO I AM FOOLS!

BY ME

 

Introduction

 

This is my first comedy fan fiction, and hopefully it’s a success. Basically the plot is just what it is in KotOR, except Revan knows who he/she is from the beginning and it’s a comedy. Eh, well…that’s the intention of this anyway. Umm…hopefully this won’t be a failure. We’ll see. It probably will be though.

 

You guys know how KotOR goes, right? Well, Mr. Clichéd One Dimensional Cheese Spandex Man Malak, with one of the corniest laughs in fictional character history, ah, is not too fond of the Jedi Order and the Republic. The brutish thing won’t be content until it and its army kill every last one of their enemies.

 

What? Cutting people down is fun. Well, at least it is for the Sith anyway, and for a few emo Jedi, like ah, Vrook, and Atris. We can’t all have the same hobbies can we? Anyhow, Malak’s massive army is trying to capture an annoying, obnoxious, whiny, narrow-minded spoiled Jedi princess known as Bastila.

 

Why? I don’t know you tell me. Well….Malak will tell you that it’s because her mastery of the awesome power of Battle Meditation would help his army kick ass, and while that’s true, that isn’t the real reason he wants her folks.

 

The real reason is because the bald guy in the red pyjama suit, who looks like he needs to get some more sun, has had a crush on her since he was a little girl, and ah, wants to “seduce” her to more than just the dark side, if you catch my drift.

 

PART ONE: THE ENDAR SPIRE

 

So a Sith battle fleet ambushes a Republic ship, the Endar Spire, in an attempt to capture Bastila and make use of her “abilities” *wink wink*. So, on this crappy ship known as the Endar Spire, a little cross dresser named Revan (yeah cry me a river Revan fan-boys) is awoken by the impact of the blasts from the Sith fighters on the ship. An underpaid Republic officer who has grey hair…in his thirties! Comes running in like a kid who’s had too much candy to say to Revan:

 

Trask: We’ve been ambushed by a Sith battle fleet. The Endar Spire is under attack. Hurry up we don’t have much time.

Revan: {Sarcasm} Oh you think. No **** we don’t have much time. Now how about you shut the **** up, get out of my way, and I don’t know, go help your friends, if you have any…which I doubt.

Trask: Yeah yeah whatever hippie. Just shut up, grab your dress, and come with me.

Revan: {Mumbles} Fancy talking to an ex-Sith Lord like that.

 

Anyway, they both kick every wanna-be Sith’s ass to and at the bridge, head towards the escape pods, and then umm…Trask decides to be an idiot. Wow what a surprise. He sees Darth Bandon walking towards him and Revan. He says aloud:

 

Trask: Holy crap could that skinhead walk any slower? This war will be over by the time he reaches us.

Revan: Look, would you shut up, stop checking him out and come with me.

Trask: I’m not running from this baldy. I can take him. You go on without me. I’ll meet you at the starboard section.

Revan: Okay fine, just remember that you’re not supposed to make love to him.

Trask: {Sarcasm} AHAHAHAHAHA SHUT UP!

 

Revan shrugs his shoulders, heads towards the escape pods, and once again, Carth speaks to him via the communicator or whatever. I can’t remember what Revan had that enabled him to communicate with Carth. Revan cuts off Carth by disabling his communicator and says to himself:

 

Revan: Good god I hope I don’t get stuck with that guy. What an annoying, girly voice he has.

 

Revan reaches the escape pods, and Carth says:

 

Carth: You made it just in time. There’s only one escape pod left. Now come on, we can hide out on the planet below.

Revan: {Sarcasm} Well duh. Where else are we gonna go? I’d rather land on a planet than an asteroid. Anyway come on, let’s go; and please, try not to talk much. No offence or anything, but your voice is very annoying.

Carth: Look! My family has—

Revan: Oh just shut up and get in the escape pod before I decide to leave without you.

Carth: …..Uh, okay.

Revan: {Stunned look on his face}

 

PART TWO: UPPER CITY OF TARIS

 

The escape pod crash lands heavily on Taris. Revan is crying like a little baby. That’s not surprising. Carth is trying to drag Revan to safety, towards an upper city Taris apartment before the Sith arrives but Revan is continuously shouting and complaining:

 

Revan: {Crying} Don’t! Stop it! Don’t touch me! I can’t move! I’m too sore to move!

Carth: Oh for ****s sake! Stop whining! Gee I thought I was whiny.

Revan: {Continues crying and moaning, even louder than before}

Carth: {Pistol whips Revan in the face, knocking him unconscious, allowing him to successfully pull Revan to safety}

 

*6 hours later

 

Revan’s been having a good snooze for nearly half a dozen hours. He has that vision; you know, where Bastila is fighting a Dark Jedi. But ah, this vision is an “extended version” from the one you see in the game.

 

Bastila kills the Dark Jedi, then Revan, out of nowhere, shows up, in his pimp outfit. His hair is gelled up, he has a rose in his hand, and he’s wearing perfume. If you haven’t guessed already, he’s trying to hook up with Bastila. He begins sweet talking her.

 

It doesn’t take very long for them to you know, “connect” with each other. But just as Revan’s lovely sex dream is getting really good, Carth punches him in the shoulder and says:

 

Carth: Wake up sleepy head! We’ve got work to do.

Revan: You ****en prick. You just ruined my awesome dream! Wait a go jerk face.

Carth: What, that’s the thanks I get for saving your life?

Revan: Whatever. You didn’t have to punch me in the arm or hit me in the face with your pistol though!

Carth: Umm….yes I did. It was in both our best interests, believe me.

Revan: Don’t get smart pansy.

Carth: Are you homophobic?

Revan: Why do you ask? Have a confession to make do you? {Sarcasm}

Carth: Yeah very funny. Just answer the question.

Revan: No, I’m not homophobic. Heck, my former best friend Malak is gay. He’s not my former best friend because I found out that he’s gay and stopped being his friend by the way. He’s not my former best friend because he betrayed me! That jerk. He’ll deny that he’s gay of course, but you can tell that he is. Did you know that he tried to kill me because I threatened to expose his secret about being gay? I wasn’t really going to though.

Carth: {Laughs his ass off as Revan says his mini-speech about Malak} Hahahahaha!

Revan: What? I’m being serious.

Carth: {Still laughing} You’re a funny guy.

Revan: Clearly you don’t believe me. Fine then. Go ahead and think that I’m delusional. I don’t care.

Carth: Huh? Well okay then, I will.

*Awkward silence

Revan: Well, we won’t find Bastila by just sitting around in here all day will we? Yes that’s right, I know that she’s important in stopping queer spandex man and his army. I know all about Taris and all that jazz. I’m not an idiot.

Carth: {Mumbles} Could’ve fooled me.

Revan: What?

Carth: What?

Revan: What’d you say fat face?

Carth: Nothing - Hypocrite. And when I say hypocrite, I mean that you have a fat face as well!

Revan: Bull**** I do dickhead. Anyway, at least you’re not denying that you have a fat face.

*Another awkward silence

Carth: {Gives Revan the evils} Anyway jerk, I’ll take your word for it that you already “know all that jazz”. Maybe you are Revan after all. {Major sarcasm}

Revan {Pulls rude finger at Carth}

Carth: Hahaha! Okay, enough of this. We’ll get some food, buy some better weapons and armour than what we currently have, and then we’ll---

Revan: Wait. Do we have enough credits though?

Carth: Mate, when you become a high ranking soldier like me, you’ll receive a Republic credit card {shows Revan his - Credit card that is. Nothing suss} I’ve got over 20 000 credits on mine. I’m loaded. {Grins}

Revan: Yeah okay rich boy. Just so you know; I had hundreds and millions of credits when I was the Dark Lord of the Sith, so you’ll never be as rich as me. {Pokes tongue at Carth}

Carth: {Shakes head} As I said, we’ll get some really good armour and weapons, have some food, and then head off to the Undercity and check out those Republic escape pods down there.

 

Revan and Carth walk outside the apartment only to see a Sith patroller with two Sith droids shooting dead a Duros man or woman (it’s impossible to tell since they all look and sound the same) who back chatted the patroller.

 

That’s what you get for back talking someone armed with a blaster without any weapons to defend yourself with yourself. The Sith patroller and the two Sith droids turn around, now facing Revan and Carth. The patroller says to them:

 

Sith patroller: Hey! What’s this? They’re Republic fugitives! Attack!

 

The attack fails of course. In other words they die, or in the droids case, get blown to bits. Revan smiles at the Sith patroller’s corpse and says to the corpse:

 

Revan: Looking good there mate.

Carth: You’re sick in the head…I like it.

Revan: I know.

*The other Duros who kept his or her mouth shut is staring with bewilderment at Revan. Revan notices the Duros staring at him weirdly.

Revan: What, you want to die too bug face?

*The Duros remains silent

Revan: Yeah that’s what I thought jerk.

Carth: {Sarcasm} Oh you’re just so tough aren’t you?

Revan: Pfft, tell me something I don’t know.

Carth: Your mother is a prostitute.

Revan: What are you talking about? I already know that.

Carth: Oh, right.

 

Revan and Carth continue walking towards the door (or whatever you want to call it) that leads to the upper city. Revan stops and says to the Twi’lek shop keeper:

 

Revan: Go on. I can tell you want to say something lime face. So say it.

Twi’lek shop keeper: Actually no. It’s my blaster rifle that has something to say!

*Pulls out blaster rifle

Carth: {Roundhouse kicks Twi’lek shop keeper, causing him to fall, hit the back of his head against the wall and fall unconscious}

Revan: Someone’s been watching re-runs of Walker, Texas Ranger.

Carth: Yeah, I’ve been watching that lately. Did you know that I was the one who taught Chuck the roundhouse kick?

Revan: *cough* Bull****. *cough*

Carth: {Mockery} *cough* Not bull****. *cough*

Revan: {Looks at Carth weirdly} Riiight. Anyhow, carry on. That tentacle head won’t be waking up for quite some time.

Carth: No ****.

Revan: Yeah go suck a bantha dickhead.

Carth: Hmm, sounds like a good idea.

Revan: Why am I not surprised to hear that?

Carth: Because you aren’t. It was sarcasm by the way.

Revan: {Sarcasm} Yeah sure it was. That’s what they all say.

Carth: Whatever.

[DrPhil2501]

I actually found your KoTOR III idea better than the ones I have seen earlier. And man, good job on the comedy thingy. I laughed my head off, it good stuff.

 

Too bad about your computer, man.

[Lord Spitfire]

Your KotOR ideas are very nice! I tell you spent a lot of time into this.

 

But one thing . . . too many aliens. Why do their need to be more humans. People who play the game are humans. Humans like seeing humans. Thus, there must be humans.

 

And the comedy part was quite halarious, heh, lol.

[Titanius Anglesmith]

I like the K3 plot, and I like how it veers off the regular course of "Do this planet first, then this one, now you can choose between four others."

 

And the comedy was hilarious. I literally almost fell out of my chair.

[SilentScope001]

While the K3 plot is good, I saw that it got away from the traditional "Do Turitorial Planet, Do First Planet, Then Choose From Four Other Planets"...

 

Also, for the most part, I think just staying on Corellia to raise money might be quite boring. You could somehow link the player joining up with either the Exchange or the Corellian Police and then have the new Player realize that this conflict is secretly being started by...gasp...the True Sith! Once that happens, you could meet up with Taleqo and Woutahn and start off going to Corsaunt. But, this is just some rambling. Anyway, it is a good idea, and I can't wait to see the conclusion.