[fic] [FIC] Never Blind in the Force

[SkywalkerRules]

Star Wars

Never Blind in the Force

 

 

It's been years since the galaxy's been in peace again, and the Jedi are rebuilding once more. But out there in the opening, the son of Cade Skywalker tries to find out who he really is. He is blind, but he wants to keep his faith in the Force.

 

Zane Skywalker, son of Cade Skywalker, wants to be a great Jedi Knight, just like his ancestor, Luke Skywalker. But just because he's blind, doesn't mean that the Force is not strong with him. It is always strong in him...

 

 

Chapter 1

 

 

[Ossus] 155 ABY

 

 

After the fall of the Sith Order, Cade Skywalker brought peace to the galaxy, along with some helpful friends. His old bounty hunter friends, Deliah Blue and Jariah Syn, tried to find a new life from bounty hunting. Cade Skywalker, on the other hand, became a great Jedi Master. He was teaching new padawans at the newly rebuilt Jedi Praxuem of Ossus.

 

It was evening, and the sun set down from the beautiful skies of Ossus. Rain poured down, but it wasn't heavy. Someone sat down on a rock in the jungle, and tried to focus on the Force. Fifteen-year-old Zane Skywalker's eyes were closed, and legs were crossed. He opened his mind to the Force, which was his ally.

 

A rock lifted up from the ground, and into the air. "I must be calm. I must never have anger, fear, or hate in me." As the rock in front of Zane floated, he was startled by a voice.

 

"Zane?"

 

The young man opened his eyes, and the rock fell down. He turned around, recognizing the voice.

 

"Dad. Hey. I was only... I didn't mean to..."

 

Cade Skywalker laughed heartily. "It's all right, son. I know you were focusing on the Force."

 

He looked at Zane. The young man's iris' were light grey, while his pupils were dark grey. But the rest of his eyes were white as well. Zane had the same blonde hair style like his, when Cade was a bounty hunter, but combed, and it flowed in motion with the wind. He also had the most handsome face.

 

Cade worried about Zane though, because of his blindness. But he felt that the Force grew strong in the boy.

 

"Hey, Dad?" Zane asked. He got up, not knowing where his father was.

 

Cade came near Zane and held onto him. "Yeah, Zane?"

 

Zane narrowed his eyes, trying to remember on what to say. Then, it came back to him.

 

"Dad? Do ya think I'll be a great Jedi Knight?"

 

The question stung Cade's heart. Although the boy was strong in the Force... he wasn't sure if Zane should be a Jedi. Cade glanced down at his teenage son, and cleared his throat. "Well, uh... I think that... maybe one day you will. You just gotta keep trying hard to be with the Force."

 

Zane shrugged, and grinned. "Yeah. I guess."

 

While the rain poured, Cade replied to Zane, "C'mon. Lets get back to the Praxuem, before we catch a cold."

 

"All right, dad."

 

Both father and son walked back to the old Jedi Temple. Cade wondered if Zane will be all right by himself in the future. Maybe... just maybe...

 

When they reached the Praxuem, and went inside, dinner was ready at the dining hall. Everyone sat down and ate. The food was delicious, and all the Jedi talked with each other.

 

"Cade?" Shado Vao, Cade's old friend and Jedi Master, whispered, "We're going to have a meeting at the Rhysode Room. Master K'Kruhk expects all the Jedi to be there."

 

Cade nodded, as he played with his food with the spoon. Shado sensed that his old friend was buried in sadness.

 

He asked Cade, "Hey? You okay?"

 

Cade glanced over at Shado, and smiled. "Hm? Oh yeah. It's just that... it's been a long day." He looked at Zane, who talked with his friends. His son had a good spirit and heart, even if he was blind. The boy had great faith in him, and he was never bitter about anything.

 

Cade smiled faintly, and ate his food peaceful. He was grateful to have a son with a warm heart. Zane continued to talk with his friends, while the others talked and ate as well.

[The Doctor]

Not a bad start, but it could be longer. I don't like the tense style, either. You change a few times from present to past, then back to present. The last paragraph is an excellent example. You also need to use paragraphs better. There are four main reasons to start a new paragraph:

 

• Change in Speaker
  
• Change in time period
  
• Change in location
  
• Change in subject

 

There are a few times where you need to slip in a hard return. It makes it easier to read.

 

The story itself, though, is looking good so far. Keep going, you're doing fine!

[SkywalkerRules]

I'm sorry, Doctor. It's just that... it's my first time doing this, and I'm kinda nervous.

[The Doctor]

Don't be. You're doing a fantastic job. Keep going!

[SkywalkerRules]

Chapter 2

 

On Korriban, Graveyard of The Sith Lords, a dark hooded figure walked through the Valley of the Dark Lords. As he walked through, he noticed an old temple. It was the Sith Academy. A pleased smile appeared on the dark figures face. He walked in, looking around the enormous academy.

 

Suddenly, he saw an alter ahead. The dark figure paced towards it, and as soon as he got on the alter, he knelt. He then placed a holocron, which he carried in his hands, on the alter. He bowed his head, and began to speak the Code of the Sith.

 

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.

Through power, I gain victory.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

The Force shall free me.

 

A flash of light surrounded the dark temple. The light came from the holocron. Suddenly, an image of a Sith Lord came out of the holocron. The Dark Lord of the Sith was Darth Krayt himself.

 

The dark figure bowed his head in respect. "Master. I've waited so long to meet you."

 

The hologram of Krayt looked down at the hooded man.

 

"What is your name, and what is your question?" Darth Krayt asked in a cold voice.

 

The dark figure slowly looked up at the Dread Lord. "I am Kajo Mark. And my question to you, my lord, is: How can I become a powerful Sith Lord?"

 

Krayt folded his arms on his Vonduun armored chest. The question he'd been asked was an intresting one.

 

Krayt answered, "First, you must complete three tests. Your first test: Challenge this Dark Jedi." He indicated his hand towards the shadows.

 

As Kajo got up, he stared into the darkness, waiting. He suddenly saw a person with black clothing on and red hair. His yellow eyes glared into Kajo's. It was Kajo's old friend, Milo. He took out his lightsaber, and pointed the red blade to Kajo.

 

Kajo was rather pleased at this. He took out his lightsaber as well. A glowing red blade came to life. As the two men were ready to duel, Krayt said to Kajo, "Now, apprentice... kill him." Kajo charged at Milo. The two men dueled each other as hard as they could. As Milo swung his lightsaber, Kajo made a front flip behind Milo, and kicked him on the face.

 

Milo fell, panted, and looked up at his old friend.

 

Kajo had his red blade pointed at Milo. "Any last words... old friend?" Kajo asked coldly.

 

Milo smiled. "Go ahead. Kill me. It's the last thing you'll do to anyone." He waited for Kajo to strike. Milo yelled, "Do it, fool!!"

 

Kajo's anger rose up. "I... am not... a fool!!!" He slashed Milo into half.

 

The image of Krayt was pleased at Kajo's actions. "Good. Good! You learned how to use your anger. It's your weapon. Now... I have another test for you. There is another person that I want you to challenge." He turned towards the shadows. He added, "And this time, its..."

 

The figure came out of the darkness. She had long silver hair and yellow eyes.

 

"Mother!" Kajo exclaimed.

 

His mother, Lola, nodded. "Yes. It's me, Kajo. And I'm glad that you want to learn the ways of the Dark Side." She pulled out her lightsaber, and ignited her red blade.

 

Kajo glared at Lola. He felt like he had no mother anymore. He plunged hard at her. And the mother and son dueled.

 

When Lola Force pushed Kajo into a nearby wall, she laughed. "You're weak as your father was. Do you give up?"

 

Kajo looked up. His eyes were full of anger. He exclaimed, "N-N-NOOO!!!" Suddenly, Kajo raised his arms in the air, and created Force lightning on his mother. The scream from her pleased Kajo, as he smiled wickedly.

 

Lola was finally dying, after he kept on electrocuting her. Finally, his mother was dead. He stopped his lightning, and glanced at Krayt.

 

The Dread Lord nodded. "You learn quick, my apprentice. Now, your last test is... kneel before me."

 

Kajo walked in front of Krayt and knelt, bowing his head. Krayt raised his hands, and released full of darkness into the man.

 

"You have done well, my apprentice. You have learned that family and friends are nothing to you, and your anger is your greatest weapon. And for this, I name you... Darth Atrocious, Dark Lord of the Sith."

 

Kajo Mark, now known as Darth Atrocious, slowly looked up at Krayt. His yellow eyes burned for power. He smiled coldly.

 

"Thank you, Master."

 

Krayt returned a smile. "Now go, Atrocious. Make the Jedi pay for what they did to me."

 

Atrocious bowed and answered, "As you wish, my lord." The image of Krayt disappeared back in the holocron. Atrocious picked it up, and walked out of the academy to his shuttle.

 

As he went inside, and sat on his pilot seat, he thought of making an army of his own. An army of Sith, just like Krayt. Atrocious smiled, as he punched in the coordinates for Coruscant. The shuttle flew into space, leaving a trace of Kooriban behind.

 

 

* * *

 

Back on Ossus, the Jedi Council discussed the trainings of the Jedi learners in the Rhysode Room. Master K'Kruhk raised his hand to settle the noise.

 

"Now... many of you know that the Jedi padawans are doing well. They have been training hard, and they've learned the ways of the Force. But now... it's time to put them into the next level. A level in where they would become... Jedi Knights. "

 

When Cade heard this, he looked down, with his fingers on his forehead. Master Wolf Sazen turned to his former student and fellow Jedi Master. He noticed that Cade looked worried.

 

Sazen asked him, "Master Skywalker? You look troubled. What's wrong?"

 

Cade glanced at his master. Then at the other Jedi Masters. All eyes were on Cade. He didn't like that much attention, but as a Jedi Master.... he had to answer. "Well... there is one particular Jedi padawan. You know my son... Zane, right?"

 

The Jedi Masters nodded, and smiled. "Good kid," one of them said. Cade smiled faintly at the comments, and turned his face serious again.

 

"Well, he's kind of... kind of blind. And... what if something happened to him? Like... being easily killed in a duel?"

 

This question made the Jedi Masters wonder the same thing. K'Kruhk glanced at Cade, and replied, "Master Skywalker? To tell you the truth, he'll do just fine. I'm sure the Force is strong with him, and he can do whatever he puts his mind and heart to."

 

Cade looked down, and nodded quielty.

 

K'Kruhk nodded as well, and turned back to the Council. "So... we're clear on what we can do for the Jedi padawans?" The Council glanced at each other, and nodded in response. "Good. Now... let's get some rest. And may the Force be with all of you."

 

The Jedi Masters got up and walked out, except for Cade.

 

In his mind, he wasn't sure if Zane was ready to take the challenges in store for him. But in his heart, he had to have faith in the boy. Cade sighed, and followed the Jedi Masters out of the meeting room. It was dark outside, and the stars were twinkling in the night sky.

[The Doctor]

Length is much better this time, but you're still jumping around with your tense. You should give each chapter a read-over before you post it. You might even want to send it to a beta-reader, as well.

[SkywalkerRules]

Well... I do read my posts before posting the story, making sure I did everything right. But I didn't know I made some mistakes with the tense. I read about how tense work, and I think I got the idea of what you're trying to tell me. I'll work harder on the tense. I promise.

[The Doctor]

If you're still having problems with it down the road, send it over to me through PM, and I'll give it a once-over before you post it, if you want.

[SkywalkerRules]

Sorry I couldn't reply sooner... But thanks, Doc!

 

Chapter 3

 

Zane sat in his room with some other friends, and talked about their training. As the conversation gone on, one of them asked, "Hey Zane? I was wondering... will the Jedi Council accept you as a Jedi Knight?"

 

Although Zane couldn't see, he heard his friend's voice from that direction he was in. He turned his head a little. "Well... I don't know. Maybe they will or maybe they won't. If they don't... well, it doesn't matter. I'll still train as hard as I can."

 

One of Zane's best friend, Mordy, was a young blue Twi'lek male. Mordy was the funniest teenger in the Praxuem. He got up, and jumped on Zane's bed.

 

"Aww, don't worry, Zane. I bet if the Council saw you as a great Jedi..." he picked up Zane's old wooden sword, and swung it, as if he was a pirate. "They'll be cheering for you! Zane Skywalker, Jedi Knight!"

 

"Yeah! And they'll probably give you a golden medal!" Rosy exclaimed. She was a teenage Zabrak who was soft-spoken, and loved music.

 

"For a fine job well done!" Zane's last friend was a Bothan named Brock. Brock was cool and collected, and he was always there to help his friends. "Relax, man. Everything will go on just fine. You gotta be... cool."

 

The padawans were quiet for a minute. Then they started to laugh. "Oh, you guys!" Zane said, as he shook his head and smiled. Brock, Mordy, and Rosy were the only true friends he ever had. They would go lightsaber training together, go out into the jungle, or even get into mischief. He had great times with them.

 

Suddenly, he heard a knock from the door. Zane sensed that it was Cade.

 

"Zane? Can we talk for a minute?"

 

Zane was curious of what his father had asked him. He shrugged and nodded. "Okay. Sure, dad." His friends got up from their sitting positions, and walked over to Cade. They bowed in respect as they walked out of Zane's room. Cade bowed back at them, and smiled.

 

When Brock, Mordy, and Rosy were gone, Cade shutted the door. He sat near his son on the bed, and sighed. Then he looked over at Zane.

 

"Pretty good friends you got there, Zane." The young man smiled, and looked down. "Thanks dad. Um... what was it that you wanted to talk about?"

 

Cade grew worried about telling his son about not letting him become a Jedi. He sighed deeply, and said, "Zane? Do you... really want to become a Jedi?"

 

Zane turned his head at his father's direction, confused at where this was going. "Yes sir. Why?"

 

"Well... because..." Cade knew he had to tell Zane, so he letted it out. "I don't think you should become a Jedi."

 

This brought shock to Zane's ears. The young man shot up from his bed, and faced Cade. Angrily, he asked, "What are trying to say, dad? That I'm blind and can't be a Jedi?!"

 

Cade stood up, and tried to calm Zane down. "Calm down, Zane. I'm just saying that... I don't want you to get hurt. And I love you as my son."

 

Zane turned his back. He was furious at what his father had said. "Dad, I'm fifteen years old, and I can take care of my self! Why can't you just... back off?!"

 

"Don't use that tone of voice at me, young man! I'm your father, and I know what's best for you!"

 

Zane turned back around, and faced his father. Then he yelled, "You don't want anything that's best for me! You just don't want my dreams to come true to be a Jedi Knight!" Zane tried to find the door, but he stumbled when he got to it. He got up and looked ahead.

 

"I may be blind, dad... but I still got the Force on my side! So why don't you just leave me alone!" And with that, Zane walked out the door, and kept his hands close to the wall.

 

Cade looked down and sighed. He sunk back on Zane's bed and covered his eyes. The thought of Zane becoming a Jedi Knight was just not right for Cade. Even as a father who loved his son very much. Cade glanced up at the ceiling, and wondered what he could do for Zane.

 

"Dad? Is it right for me to let Zane become a Jedi Knight... or not let him become a Jedi Knight," Cade whispered. There was no answer. Cade got up, and went to his room, to take a rest.

 

 

* * *

 

Zane walked into another room, which was the meditation point. He stood in the middle of the floor, sat down, and crossed his knees. As he closed his grey eyes and meditated, he heard a voice, which he never heard before.

 

"Zane..." The voice whispered into his head. Zane opened his eyes and looked around.

 

"Hello? Is somebody there?" Suddenly, a glowing figure appeared before Zane. The young man turned back ahead, and looked up. He could feel in the Force that a Force ghost stood in front of him. Zane squinted his eyes and asked, "Who are you?"

 

The Force ghost smiled down at Zane. "I am Luke Skywalker, Grand Jedi Master and your ancestor. I've heard much about you, Zane."

 

The young man couldn't believe his ears! His legendary ancestor talked to him! "Wow! This... this is amazing! I'm actually talking to my ancestor!"

 

Luke chuckled heartily. "Yes. But you must listen to what I say to you, young Skywalker. Being blind can be tough at times... but you must hold on to the Force, no matter what you go through."

 

Zane lopsided his lips, and nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I guess. But... my dad doesn't think it would be right for me to become a Jedi Knight." The young teenager sighed.

 

Luke stared at Zane. The thought of Cade brought back a memory of a stubborn young man. Luke shook his head and smiled. He replied in a gentle voice, "You, Zane, have to make the choice. Whether you want to become a Jedi Knight or not. Your father made the choice, and his father before him. Now... you make the choice."

 

"Yeah... but how? Hello?" The spirit of Luke Skywalker was gone. Zane sat in the middle of the floor, and wondered whether he should follow his dreams... or not. The young man got up, walked out the meditation room, and headed off to bed.

 

 

* * *

 

Darth Atrocious' shuttle headed for the planet Coruscant. As he got there, he noticed a building, that was rather dark. Although it was night, the building made Atrocious feel the Dark Side. His shuttle flew towards the building's platform, and landed.

 

When Atrocious got out of the shuttle, he was greeted by a man with a red face and black tattoes. "Welcome, Master Atrocious. We've been expecting you. I am Darth Fury, your new servant. The Force ghost of Darth Krayt told me to aid you on any circumstances."

 

Atrocious grew pleased with this, and said, "Very well. Let's talk... business, Darth Fury."

 

Fury bowed. "As you wish, milord." The two men walked back into the building, without saying a word.

 

Atrocious glanced around inside the building, and smiled. This could be his palace, when he would become ruler of the galaxy.

 

The two Sith went inside an office, sat down, and faced each other from their chairs. Fury folded his hands and smiled coldly. "Now, milord... how would like to prepare an army to destroy the Jedi?"

 

Atrocious gave Fury a satisfying and evil smile.

[DrPhil2501]

I can't believe I am actually going to say this (especially when it is coming from me, which isn't like me at all) but the plot behind Zane is... kinda touching. The story about some blind guy wanting to be a jedi is courageous. (Ugh! Listen me! I getting all soft here!)

 

The descriptions are okay, and you have improved greatly. Keep it comming !

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks! Zane's really working hard on becoming a Jedi, even if he is blind. It means a lot to him. And I'm glad you love it, PK! I'll continue with it. I promise!

[Empress Padme]

I love it .You improve with every chapter. Zane is a very likable character and one can't help but root for him.Being someone who has a disability I must say Zane is quite inspiring. May I suggest that when your done with the story to take it to the nearest hospital and see if you can read it to the ill children. I see this as being very insperational. Even your nearest church might let you read it to the kids.

[SkywalkerRules]

You know what, Padme? That's a great idea! I might do that for my church friends and the hospital kids. And thank you for loving it. I'll still do the best I can on it!

 

Oh and Doc? I changed every tense on the first and second chapter.

[The Doctor]

Yes, it's much better now.

 

Good work, Skywalker. Keep writing. I'm looking forward to more!

[SkywalkerRules]

Aw right, then! And thank you!

 

Chapter 4

 

Deliah Blue and Jariah Syn drunk Corellian drinks at Rik's Cantina, their favorite cantina. Syn sighed after he drunk his glass. "Whooo! Them Corellian drinks really fills you up! Ya know... I wonder how Cade's doing."

 

The thought about Cade stung Deliah's heart. Even though he married another beautiful girl, didn't mean that Cade wasn't still her hotshot. Deliah still loved him, even if Cade did have a son. "Yeah. Wonder what he's doing." The two former bounty hunters drank.

 

As the two drank, a woman sat by their side at the counter on the stool. She glanced at them and smiled. "Deliah Blue. Jariah Syn. Former bounty hunters and friend of Cade Skywalker."

 

Both Deliah and Syn looked at the woman. "Who are you suppose to be?" asked Syn, confused.

 

The woman laughed and shook her head. "Don't you two remember me? I'm Morrigan Corde, Mother of Cade."

 

Syn grinned, pointed his index finger in the air, and shook it. He replied, "Oh yeah! Cade's momma! Good to see ya again!" They all shook hands together.

 

"Yeah. I came by to say "Hi" and get a drink. Hey, Finn? Can I get a Corellian as well?" The bartender nodded, and fixed her a glass. When Morrigan got her drink, she swirled it.

 

"Aah. That's more like it." She took a sip. Then she turned back to Cade's old friends. "So. How you two been doing?"

 

"Meh. Pretty much nothing. Just... trying to find another job, that's all. After Rav sold us out!" Syn answered. Morrigan nodded, and drunk her Corellian drink.

 

After she was finished, Morrigan said, "My blind grandson, Zane Skywalker, is training at Ossus. Man... I hope he passes every test, and become a great Jedi Master. I know Cade keeps telling me that Zane shouldn't be a Jedi. But to me... Zane's got a big heart. Even though he's blind, he still fights well, and come to think of it... the Force is strong in him. I know I can't feel the Force... but he's really a special kid with a good spirit."

 

Deliah smiled and looked down. She wished she had a son or daughter that was good-hearted like Zane.

 

Syn grinned. "Yeah. That's a tough grandson you have, Corde. I know..." The trio sat there silent for a minute. Then when that minute passed, Morrigan got up.

 

"Well, since I've got a few errands to run, I'll leave you two kids alone. See ya. And take care."

 

Morrigan started to walk out the door. But then came to a stop. "Oh. And if you see Cade anywhere... tell that worried son of mine that Zane will always be a great Jedi, no matter who he is." And with that, Morrigan went out the door.

 

Deliah and Syn sat at the counter, and smiled. Deliah turned to Syn, and said, "Yeah. I believe that kid will be great one day. Do you, Syn?"

 

Although Syn hated the Jedi before... he believed that Zane was a good and hard working kid. "Mhm. I believe too. C'mon. Let's continue to find a good job. And not here, Blue."

 

Deliah frowned. "I didn't say anything about working here, Syn!" The two left some credits, and walked out the door, into the starry night of Coruscant.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The two Dark Lords were at room with controls in it. Darth Atrocious and Fury stared at the screen, wondering how their plans would go. "Very good, my faithful servant. You have done well on gathering as many army as you can possibly get. I am pleased at this."

 

Fury bowed to his master. "I am honored, master. But we do have a problem."

 

Atrocious didn't like the sound of what Fury said. "What is it?"

 

Fury turned to the screen and pressed a few buttons. There, in the screen, appeared Cade Skywalker. "At the Jedi Praxuem of Ossus, there is a great number of Jedi rebuilding. It maybe hard to stop... but we must act, if we are to stop them. But there's more."

 

Fury pressed a blue button, and in the screen... young Zane Skywalker appeared. Fury said, "This young boy is Zane Skywalker, son of Cade Skywalker. He is next in line to be a Jedi Knight. Though he's training as a Jedi, the good news is that he's blind."

 

Atrocious glared at the sight of the teenager. Yes, he was blind... but even a blind Jedi could be more powerful than ordinary Jedi. Atrocious turned to Fury. "Is everything ready?"

 

Fury glanced at his master. "Almost, my lord."

 

Atrocious nodded, and headed off to the meditation room. "Finish here, Fury. I'll be in the meditation room."

 

Fury bowed. "Yes, milord."

 

When Atrocious entered the room, he sat in the middle of the floor, and closed his eyes. The thought of having another Skywalker was just... wrong. Maybe Krayt made a mistake after all. There should be no more Jedi... or Skywalker.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning at Ossus, the Jedi gathered up for a meeting at a large room. Master Sazen stepped up in front of all the students. "Many of you are all doing a wonderful job at training. Some may pass. Some may fail. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that we all can make a difference, even if we're children. But now... we have a new student. Her name is Amora Land. Amora?"

 

A young girl about fifteen-years-old stepped by Wolf's side. She had long brown hair, bright green eyes, and a beautiful feature. Amora waved at everyone, nervously. Sazen smiled, and turned back to the students. "Now lets make her feel welcomed, everyone. Get to know her."

 

When the meeting was over, everyone started to greet Amora. The young girl smiled, and she felt like this was home. Brock, Mordy, and Rosy led Zane to her, and when he got to her, he smiled.

 

"Although I'm blind... I bet you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met." Amora looked at Zane, and gave him a warm smile.

 

"Why... thank you. No one has ever said that to me before. And to me... you're the most handsome guy I've met. It's nice to meet you. What's your name?"

 

Zane smiled timidly. "Zane Skywalker." Amora nodded. "Zane Skywalker. Cool name. Amora Land." The two teenagers shook hands together. Zane scratced his head. "Maybe... we could hang out sometime?"

 

Amora grinned, then nodded. She replied, "Sure. I'd like that very much. And you guys are..."

 

"Brock Melo," the young Bothan answered.

 

Rosy said, "My name's Rosy Young."

 

Mordy stepped up, and bowed. "And I'm Mordy Kag, your ever lovin' Twi'lek kid!" They all started to laugh at Mordy's remark. Then, it was time to depart from the room.

 

"It was nice meeting you all. I'll see ya later, Zane."

 

The young boy smiled, and waved. "See ya." When Amora walked by Master Sazen's side, Mordy nudged Zane's arm.

 

He raised his eyebrows. "So..." Zane turned his head to Mordy's direction. He asked, "So what?" Mordy grinned. "What do you think of her?"

 

Zane shrugged, and said, "I dunno. She seems... nice."

 

"Yeah, that's what they all say. You like her... don't ya? C'mon, tell the truth."

 

Zane narrowed his eyes. Then replied, "No! As a friend, I do."

 

Mordy, Brock, and Rosy glanced at each other and nodded. "Mhm!" Then Rosy said, "C'mon! Lets go have some adventures at the jungle." And with that, the four young friends ran out the Jedi Praxuem, screaming and laughing.

[DrPhil2501]

As far as I can tell, I can't see anything wrong with the story. Spelling and Grammar are fine, and I see we have a love interest for Zane (which is good, cuz every story needs a little lovin')

 

Comming good, SR. Keep up the good work

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks, PK!

 

Chapter 5

 

As the the four teenagers went to play in the jungle, Cade stood at the entrance, smiling, as he leaned his arm against the wall. As he watched them, Master K'Kruhk walked by his side. The old Jedi Master smiled at the sight of the young teenagers.

 

"He's growing up fast. I sense that the Force grows strong in him every day. I'm pleased."

 

Cade grinned. "Thanks, Master. I keep thinking that he won't make it... but in my heart, he's gonna make it. I believe in Zane."

 

K'Kruhk glanced down at Cade. "You must always remember something, Master Skywalker: that even if Zane's blind, he can never be blind in the Force. Understand?"

 

Cade nodded weakly. Then he smiled. "Yeah, well... I can see a very eager teen, like me. When I was fourteen." Both the Jedi Masters chuckled. Cade sighed after he laughed. Then he replied, "Well'p... I'm gonna check up on the other students. See if they need any help on training. Good bye, Master K'Kruhk." He bowed to his former master.

 

K'Kruhk returned a bow. "Good bye, Master Skywalker." As Cade went back in the Jedi Praxuem, K'Kruhk looked back at Zane, as the boy had fun with his friends. "Someday, young Skywalker... Someday, you'll become as great as your ancestor." He smiled. Then he went back in the Praxuem.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Zane followed his friends through the beautiful jungle. As they walked, he smelled a nearby flower. "Mmm. Wonderful. I'm guessing... a lily."

 

Brock looked at the flower, and smiled. "Yep. That sure is. Wow, Zane. Even if you can't see, you got some great senses with you."

 

Zane laughed. "Yeah. Thanks, Brock."

 

The young boy had other senses that helped him to survive. Sensing with the Force, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching. Those he trusted the most. An old Jedi named Obi Wan Kenobi taught "Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them." Exactly what Zane did.

 

He smiled, and jumped over a large tree branch on the ground. "I'm glad I have you guys for friends. You all are the best."

 

Brock, Mordy, and Rosy blushed. "Aww, shucks, Zane. You don't have to give us credits on anything. We're all pals, no matter what," Mordy replied.

 

Zane grinned. "Thanks, guys. C'mon. Let's see if we can collect some stuff." So Zane, Brock, Mordy, and Rosy did just that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Empress Marasiah Fel sat on her throne, wondering how things would go for the galaxy. She had her right hand rested on her cheek. Then, she began to close her eyes.

 

Antares Draco walked up to Marasiah, and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "My lady? Are you all right?"

 

Sia, as she liked to be called, looked up at Antares, and smiled faintly. "Yeah. It's just that... I'm worried if things won't go right as me being Empress. Sure I got rid of all those scheming Moffs... but I'm worried for the galaxy." Antares smiled down at Sia.

 

"Don't worry, Sia. I'm sure you'll do just fine. If you need anything, I'm here for you." He stroked her long brown hair.

 

Sia smiled and replied, "Thanks, Antares. Could you get something to drink for me? Water would be nice." Antares bowed, and left the throne room.

 

Sia continued to rest her hand on her cheek. She also thought about the Jedi, wondering if they were all right too. "I'm pretty sure they are. If they need my help, I'll be there for them." Sia smiled, and got up from her throne. She looked at the view of Coruscant, thinking about the future for all.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Darth Atrocious sat in the middle of his meditation room, thinking about the future. He saw a vision where a Sith army was built. Powerful and unstoppable. But suddenly, a young boy stepped up, and destroyed them, one by one. Atrocious shot his eyes open, and gasped.

 

His servant ran in by his side, and placed a hand on Atrocious' arm. "My lord? Are you all right? I sensed that you were troubled." The Sith Lord looked at Fury with a worried look.

 

"I had a vision... that Skywalker's son will destroy the Sith. We must put an end to the Skywalker line once and for all!!" Atrocious exclaimed, as he got up. "What is your report, Fury?"

 

Fury looked at his master. "We... were able to get apprentices for Korriban. We have about... twenty of them."

 

Atrocious grinned evily. "Excellent. Make sure more of them are gathered there. And I would like to set a course for Korriban."

 

Fury bowed. "As you wish, my lord." As Fury headed out, Atrocious went to his shuttle, and setted a course for Korriban. The shuttle flew into space, leaving a trace of Coruscant behind.

[DrPhil2501]

A little short than I expected, but I suppose it was nicely written. I wondered what's going on with Darth Atrocious, but meh!

[SkywalkerRules]

Sorry, PK. I edited the story on Chapter 5, because I had to go to bed. It's longer now.

 

Also, I changed the year on Chapter 1. It's suppose to be 155 ABY, because Zane was born on 140 ABY. Sorry! But other than that, thank you.

[SkywalkerRules]

Chapter 6

 

After the young teenage apprentices collected a few things from the jungle, Zane sat in the middle of his room, meditating. Suddenly, Mordy ran through his door, excited. "Zane! Come on, man! We're starting our skills in front of all the Jedi Masters!"

 

Zane opened his bright grey eyes and smiled. When he got up, he went to the door by Mordy's side. "Finally... we get to show our skills to the Jedi Masters. Let's go." Zane closed his door, and walked down the hallway with his best friend.

 

As they got to the Training Area, there were lots of students gathered there. The Jedi Masters sat in their seats on a long stage. Zane and Mordy sat down with the other friends. Then, Cade began his speech.

 

"The Jedi Masters are impressed with your works. You have done well in all your trainings. But now, it is time to see if you're ready for the next level." Then he added, "Futhermore, we will all see how you are doing in your skills. So spread out, so you can give the other students that are dueling some room." And with that, the Jedi students spreaded out.

 

Mordy smiled and whispered, "I can't wait to start this." Master Wolf Sazen looked at his datapad, and said, "The first students that will be dueling is... Brock Melo and Suvan Remoth."

 

Brock and Suvan got up, took out their lightsabers, and ignited them. "You ready for this?" Brock asked, grinning. The male Rodian seemed pleased. "Bring it on."

 

Wolf stared at both students. "Now... begin!" Brock ran foward to Suvan, as did the Rodian. When they finally got to each other, their lightsabers clashed together. Both young men dueled with all their might.

 

As they dueled, Suvan swung his lightsaber at Brock, but missed. Brock front flipped behind Suvan, turned around, and Force pushed him against the wall.

 

The Rodian gained conscious, but found himself defeated, when Brock pointed his green lightsaber at Suvan. Everyone clapped their hands for the young Bothan's victory.

 

Brock helped Suvan up, and they shook hands together. "Good duel, man. Keep up the good work," Suvan said.

 

Brock nodded his head and smiled. "Thanks. You too."

 

Both students sat back down to their places. Wolf nodded his head. "Very impressive, Brock. Good work. As did you, Suvan. Now the next person..."

 

Many students went on dueling each other, including Zane's friends. But then, it was down to the final people. "The last people will be... Amora Land and..." Wolf gulped, and smiled nervously. "Zane Skywalker."

 

Cade's eyes widened when he heard his son's name. Zane jumped up, and went to the middle of the large floor excited. His friends yelled, "Go get em', Zane!"

 

Amora came to the floor and ignited her lightsaber. It was a purple bladed saber.

 

"Ready to get toasted, Land?" Zane asked, sarcastically.

 

"Oh, you bet your guts I am." Amora readied her lightsaber. "Now...begin!" Wolf said.

 

Amora ran towards Zane, while the boy still stood there. Cade whimpered, and covered his eyes. "I can't watch!"

 

Zane used his special technique in the Force by sensing Amora's presence. Zane grinned as Amora came closer.

 

When Amora swung her lightsaber, Zane back flipped, and landed on the ground softly. He then gestured his fingers at Amora to come and get him. Amora grinned, and ran towards him. Both Jedi students dueled in a way no one has ever seen before. Zane jumped high in the air, as did Amora. Both of them dueled, until Zane used the Force to push her down towards the ground.

 

The young girl fell down, and landed to the floor. Amora shook her head, and looked up. Zane had his blue lightsaber pointed at her. Everyone cheered for Zane.

 

Cade, who had his eyes uncovered, stared at his son. Zane helped Amora up, and smiled. "Not bad, Amora. Not bad at all." The young girl smiled in amazment. She never knew a blind kid could fight so good like that.

 

"You too, Zane. That was... pretty impressive." They sat back down in their original places.

 

Master K'Kruhk got up, and smiled. "Good job, apprentices. You have all done well in your training. Now to see who will become a Jedi Knight." As he was given the datapad, K'Kruhk looked at it and called some of the Jedi students names.

 

Finally he said, "And last, but certainly not least... Zane Skywalker!" Everyone cheered loudly for the young boy. Zane got up and smiled. "Thanks, everybody! I appreciate it."

 

As everyone met with each other, Cade remained in his seat, and stared at Zane, worringly. He wasn't sure if Zane was ready for the challenges in store for him. He got up, and walked away.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The Dark Lord had reached Korriban. Atrocious couldn't wait to see all the Dark apprentices gathered up in the old Sith Academy.

 

As his shuttle landed in front of it, he was greeted by Fury and other Sith Lords. "Greetings, my lord. We are glad you could make it. Allow me to introduce the others."

 

He gestured a hand towards a male Chagrian. "This is Darth Letum." He introduced a female Twi'lek. "This is Darth Sting." The last person he introduced was a male human. "And this is Darth Abaddon. They teach each and everyone of the apprentices."

 

Atrocious bowed. "I am pleased. Now... lets see the other students, shall we? Where are they?"

 

Fury answered, "At the old auditorium, my master."

 

Atrocious nodded. "Good. Let us proceed there." And with that, the five Dark Lords went inside the old Sith Academy.

 

As they went in, there was like thirty apprentices there. Atrocious smiled, and went on the alter. Then he raised his gloved hand in the air, and everyone stopped talking. "I'm going to enjoy this," he whispered to himself.

 

When he placed his hand down, he shouted, "Apprentices of the Dark Side! I am glad you are all here. I am Darth Atrocious, leader of the Sith! If we work together, we will stop the Jedi once and for all! But if you betray me, some of you will die!"

 

This struck fear into the hearts of all the apprentices. Atrocious felt it, and grew pleased. "And once the Jedi are through, we will rule the galaxy under pain, suffering, and death! Are you in... or are you out?"

 

All the students got up, and cheered loudly. "End all Jedi! End all Jedi! End all Jedi!" they shouted. Atrocious smiled, and turned around to Fury.

 

"Prepare their training. We have work here to do."

 

Fury bowed. "Yes, my lord." Fury turned, and gestured the others to get their apprentices.

 

As they walked off the stage, Atrocious walked up to a young boy about eleven. "Are you ready, Jazk?"

 

The young quiet boy was scared to answer, but looked up at Atrocious, and smiled. "Yes...father." Jazk hugged him.

 

As Atrocious hugged his son, he knew he would be next in line to rule the galaxy.

[JediMaster12]

I read through up to chapter six. In short, I like the plot and where it is going. It will be interesting to see how you will run with the idea of a blind Jedi who can see but through the Force. At first I thought it might be a Hortoth tale of Jolee's but you managed to dispell that.

Some of your wording could use a little polish like that one sequence with the Rodian getting knocked unconscious. Usually most people say he regained consciousness. It seems to roll better of the tongue.

With the dialogue, it is still confusing slightly if I don't pay attention. Most people usually start a new paragraph when a different person is talking. I believe Doc mentioned this earlier. It separates out the thoughts and allows it to flow coherently. In short it makes it easier for people to see who is talking and what are they doing. Sometimes facial expressions tell a bit as well.

I hope this helps. The Doc seems to have been giving similar advice so I think I may be just repeating myself.

[Empress Padme]

very good,you get better with each chapter

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks, Padme! And JediMaster12... I'll do better on my story, I promise. But thanks for enjoying it. I also want to thank everyone else too.

 

 

Chapter 7

 

Marasiah sat in the meeting room with other Moffs, as she discussed the matter on how the Empire and Jedi should work together. She had new Moffs she trusted: Moff Nas, the Kel Dor Moff Yoshu, Moff Lee, and the old female Moff Jona.

 

"As you can see, the Jedi can help us on the days of battle. If a threat comes to the galaxy, the Jedi are willing to help. I'm pretty sure it might work," Marasiah said. Moff Lee cleared his throat gently, leaned on the long table, and frowned. The thought of having the Jedi was... not worth it to him.

 

Lee replied, "But what if the Jedi doesn't want to help us? Surely, they might think of us as the enemies still... after what happened at the Massacre of Ossus."

 

Yoshu nodded his head. "He's right. Even if we did negotiate with them on helping us, the Jedi might think it's a trick. What do you say about that, my lady?" Marasiah narrowed her eyes, looking at the the Moffs. How can they not want the Jedi's help? After all they've been through... they deserved help as well.

 

"I say... that's not true. Cade Skywalker, the Jedi Master, might be willing to help us. I should know. He saved my life once... and I want to repay him. His ancestors went through a lot, but the Skywalkers held on. I want the Jedi to know that we are their allies. And I won't give up until we settle this."

 

Moff Jona looked at Marasiah, and nodded. "I agree with you, my lady. We, as the Empire, must try and gain the Jedi's trust. How about the rest of you?"

 

The other Moffs thought about this. Suddenly, Yoshu and Nas nodded their heads. But Lee, still unsure, said, "Pray that this works, my lady. But I just have one question for you: What if the Jedi betrays us to the Galactic Alliance?"

 

Marasiah sat back on her seat, and thought about this. Her father's old Admiral tried to negotiate with the leader of the Alliance... but something went terribly wrong on The Wheel. She sighed, and replied, "This meeting is over."

 

She got up from her chair, walked out the door, and headed to her room to rest.

 

 

* * *

 

It became nightfall on Ossus, as Zane ran to his dad's room, using the Force to guide him. When he bursted into his father's room, Cade was just reading his datapad. The young man jumped up and down happily.

 

"Dad! Dad, did you see me today? I was using the Force, and defeating Amora! The crowd was going wild! Man. It was totally awesome." He sighed, and glanced down at the floor, grinning. His bright gray eyes shone with happiness, as he thought about today's duel.

 

Cade looked up at his son with angered eyes. He placed the datapad down, and got up from his seat. "Awesome duel, huh? Now... what if you could've got hurt out there?" Zane turned to his father, and narrowed his eyes. He shook his head. "Dad. What are you talking about? I was fine."

 

"I was worried about you, Zane! Amora's a new student! She could've gotten you hurt!" He sighed in frustration. Then he said, "Can't you become something else... like an entertainer!"

 

Amora walked down the hall to her room. Suddenly, she heard yelling. It came from Master Skywalker's room. Amora hid herself by the closed door, and listened on Cade and Zane's argument.

 

Zane shouted, "Listen to me, dad! I want to become a Jedi Knight! Like my ancestors! Can't you except that for once?!"

 

Cade tried to calm down, but his anger was rising up. "No! I don't want you hurt because you're blind!!" Suddenly, he gasped and covered his mouth. What he said hurted Zane deep inside.

 

"Son. I'm... I'm sorry, I..." Zane raised his hand, and shook his head. "Forget it, dad. You... you maybe right. I might get hurt, because I can't see. But hey. Doesn't matter. Forget it." And with that, Zane walked out the door. As he walked down the hallway, tears fell from his eyes. He started to cry.

 

Amora felt so bad for Zane. She wanted to make sure that he could become the best Skywalker the Galaxy's ever known. Amora sighed heavily, and followed Zane silently.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Young Jazk walked down the hall of the old Sith Temple on Korriban, happily. He wondered what his father was doing. "Hey. Maybe he's at his room meditating! I'll go check up on him." Jazk walked to Atrocious' room. Being a Sith would be awesome! He could boss anyone that treated him mean, and... he could use the Force too. He smiled.

 

As Jazk reached his father's room, two Sith gaurds blocked him. One on the left asked him, "Excuse me? Where do you think you're going?" Jazk crossed his arms, and looked at the gaurds sternly. How dare they blocked the son of a great Sith Master!

 

"Out of my way! Or you'll feel my wrath!" Jazk exclaimed, as he frowned at the gaurds still. They laughed at him. The one on the right asked, "What are you gonna do? Force choke us to death?" They kept laughing.

 

Jazk wasn't going to take it no longer. He used the Force to push the two gaurds into a pillar. He nodded his head and snorted. "No. That's what I was gonna do." He walked in his father's room. It was cold and scary. Jazk looked around worringly. He called out, "Daddy?"

 

Suddenly, he heard an evil chuckle from behind. He turned around, and faced Atrocious. "Welcome, my son," he replied, "I've been expecting you." Jazk smiled frightfully. "R-Really?"

 

Atrocious laughed, and picked his son up in his arms. He then walked him to a big view of Korriban. "Look, my son. This and the galaxy will all be yours, when you become a powerful Sith Lord... and Emperor." Jazk grinned brightly at the view, and said, "Woah. All of it?" His father nodded. "And once the Jedi are extinct... the Sith will be free!"

 

Jazk rested his head on his father's shoulder. He thought about it... but deep inside, he wanted friends. "Dad? You know I love you, right?" Atrocious haven't heard those words for a long time. He nodded his head weakly and smiled. "Of course, Jazk. Of course." They continued to look at the view, as the sun shone over the horizon.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Zane sat on top of the Praxeum, where he looked at the stars. Tears kept falling from from his eyes as he wiped them. Then he said to himself, as he glared down, "I don't care what dad says! I'm gonna be a Jedi, no matter the circumstances!"

 

"Sounds like a big risk."

 

Zane turned around. As he used the Force, he sensed it was Amora. He smiled, and turned back around. "Hey, Amora. What'cha doing here?"

 

Amora shrugged. "Oh... just getting some fresh air." She sat next to Zane and smiled. The stars were so beautiful that night. Amora sighed as she looked up. "Wow. No wonder you come up here."

 

Zane grinned. This was his main meditation point, where he could think and imagine. He replied, "Yeah. I come here to mediate on things. You know, personal things." He looked up, wishing that he could see how beautiful the stars were.

 

Amora felt his hurt inside. She came close to him, and placed a gentle hand on his face, turning his head towards her.

 

"Listen to me. I don't care who or what person doubts you... I have faith you. Your hopes and your dreams... can come true. Keep that in your heart. Always."

 

Zane's eyes kept looking at Amora. How he wished he could see her face.

He looked at the stars, and grinned. "You're right, Amora. I will follow my dreams, and keep my hopes up. My legacy... is the most important thing I have to keep for my generation. Thanks." Both teenagers gave each other a hug.

 

They got up, and strecthed. Suddenly, Zane added, "And one more thing. I got a plan for you, Mordy, Brock, Rosy, and I. Tomorrow... we're gonna have our own adventures."

 

Amora looked at Zane, confused. She didn't know what he meant by that... but she was pretty sure he knew what he was talking about.

 

With that, Zane and Amora walked down from the roof of the Jedi Praxeum, and back inside to go to their rooms and rest.

[Empress Padme]

6 minor mispellings other than that great chapter. It makes me think of the Young Jedi Knight Books.Luke needs to hit Cade over the head with a lightsaber,lol. Zane may be blind but he's very capable, more so sense the other senses are heightend when one of the senses is lost.So his hearing should be very good like Daredevil.I like Amora. She's good for Zane.Keep up the great work!

[SkywalkerRules]

Thanks, Padme! I gotta be more careful on those grammers, though. This is my first fanfic, and I'm really trying to do a good job on it. But you're right. Zane and Amora are good together too, and Cade's a bit stubborn like he was before. Thanks again, Padme. I'm glad you're enjoying it. And guess what? The good parts are gonna come soon...