[Fic] The Exam

[Diego Varen]

Star Wars - The Exam

 

Summary: Based on The Exam segment from the pilot episode of the British comedy series, Mr Bean. What happens when Darth Vader has to take the exam?

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Wars or anything related to the franchise. I don’t own Mr Bean or anything related to the franchise (I added this, due to the plot of this short).

 

Author’s Note: As it says in the summary, this was based on The Exam segment from the pilot episode of the British comedy series, Mr Bean. I was recently watching this scene on my DVD, Mr Bean Volume 1 and I got the idea from there. I wasn’t going to enter this competition originally and this is a last minute short (I wrote this on the 26th July), so if this isn’t one of my best, you’ll know why. I know Mr Bean isn’t my favourite comedy (that goes to Only Fools and Horses), but Mr Bean is a pratfall type show and I thought I would do this one based on that scene. Also comedy isn’t my thing (I can only read, listen and watch it), so you’ll also know why. Sorry for the long Author’s Note and enjoy.

 

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Darth Vader accelerated faster on his speeder. He was late for an important exam that he had to take.

 

In front of him, another speeder was in front, with Sebulba the Dug on it. Vader could remember when he was a little boy and he beat Sebulba in a Podrace. Swerving left and right, Vader still couldn’t get in front of the Dug, so he decided to take drastic measures. As he got closer to the speeder, he ignited his lightsaber and sent the speeder flying.

 

He had five minutes left, before he would automatically fail.

 

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After breaking the speed limit and getting arrested by the droids, C-3P0 and R2-D2, Vader finally arrived at the exam hall. He had to park his speeder first though. Without thinking, Vader quickly reversed into a parking space and accidentally blew up several Protocol Droids.

 

Trying to ignore the catastrophe he had caused, Vader an inside the exam hall and saw many new and familiar faces. Some of the Jedi were from Vader’s time, while others were from approximately four thousand years ago. Some Jedi from Vader’s time included Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Luke Skywalker and Yoda.

 

After taking a short look at everyone, Vader sat down breathing heavily. He was sitting next to a Jedi who he hadn’t met before. He had short bald grey hair and had a fat face.

 

“What is your name?” Vader asked.

 

“Vrook Lamar at your service,” He told him, “And the only reason I’m here, is because I got demoted, after the Jedi Civil War.”

 

“Save it,” Vader interrupted, “I don’t need some pathetic excuse.”

 

Before Vrook could reply to Vader’s comment, a short Jedi Master walked onto the stage. At first, Vader thought it was Yoda, but once again, it was another Jedi from four thousand years ago.

 

“Hello Jedi Masters and Sith Lords,” He began, “Begin exam soon, you will, for all failed, you are.”

 

Vader raised his hand.

 

“Excuse me, but do you have something wrong with your voice?” Vader asked.

 

Everyone else in the room began to laugh.

 

“Nothing wrong, assure you, I do,” The Jedi Master replied, “Jedi Master Vandar, I am, bad cold, I have.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t have a problem?” Vader asked, interrupting again.

 

“Assure you, no problem, I have,” He told Vader, “Have problem, you do.”

 

Everyone began to laugh again and Vader knew that he had embarrassed himself. He decided to keep silent for the rest of the exam.

 

“Open your relevant exam papers, you will,” Vandar told them all, “Start now, you will. Go and watch pirate copy of Star Wars, I will.”

 

Everyone began their exam. Vader took out his relevant paper and looked at it. His vision under his mask began to blur. All the questions looked really difficult and it made Vader realise that he should’ve revised.

 

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The questions were as followed:

 

1. What is Binorrak the anagram of?

 

2. How many successful Jedi are there?

 

3. What is the species of Jedi, such as Master Vandar?

 

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The rest of the questions were a blur. It was at this point that Vader realised he would fail this exam.

 

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“Stop, you may,” Vandar told them.

 

Vader breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t answered a single question, despite the fact he had been trying to copy Vrook for the entire exam.

 

“For Jedi who did the exam from four thousand years ago,” He continued, “Give them to me you shall. If you did the present day exam, burn them you shall.”

 

It was then that Vader realised something. He had done the wrong exam.

[JediMaster12]

I understand what you were trying to do but I have to admit that you lost me on it. I had my head cocked to the side when I read this piece. I am not saying that it is bad but I just didn't follow. Part of the reason is that I haven't really watched too much of Mr. Bean. I tend to prefer comedy similar to that of MASH or as my own entry drew upon, The Daily Show and the Colbert Report. I see the attempt and I think it is a good one but when considering comedy, you have to think in the mindset of whatever you are basing it on and add the flare of the parody. That was ow I could make a diddy work to a Christmas tune.

 

I think with a little practice you could be better at the comedic point. I am not saying that I am good because according to my family I can't do a funny for the life of me unless it is unintentional. Still I think that in order to be good at a particular genre, you have to work at it to make it work.

[Emperor Devon]

The writing in your fics has been getting progressively better, (kudos for that!) but I think you need to work more on the humor-related part. Maybe I'm missing the joke since I don't watch Mr. Bean, (or any TV at all for that matter ) but I didn't quite get what the punchline of this was. Was it that Vader was taking the wrong exam, or something I didn't catch?

 

The piece isn't inherently bad, but I didn't get the joke.

[Diego Varen]

Thanks for the reviews JM12 and Emperor D. I was afraid of actually writing this, since humour isn't what I normally write. But yeah, I was going to say that Vader took the wrong exam (which is what Mr. Bean did), but I can't execute comedy as well as the other stuff I write.

 

Thanks all the same.