[fic] A Memory Best Left Forgotten

[Rev7]

A Memory Best Left Forgotten

 

Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, walked down the durasteel surface of the ultimate weapon, the Death Star. He had taken it upon himself to interrogate a special prisoner. This prisoner was supposedly a spy for the ever rising Rebellion, and supposedly had plans for the Death Star. That included it's fatal design flaw. The rhythmic sound of his boots clacking on the cold, gray surface seemed oddly soothing to him. He was still acquainting himself with his new body. The simple task of walking was still excruciating, his flesh was still slightly raw and burnt. He took an immediate left and walked down yet another corridor. At the end of this corridor he saw the signature white armor of a stormtroopers, but also noticed an Imperial officer. Vader could smell the fear in these beings, and smirked unnoticeably behind his black helmet. "Yes Lieutenant?"

 

"My Lord, the prisoner has not been talking. I am....sorry for my failure." the interrogation officer said apologetically.

 

"Did you get any information at all, Lieutenant?" mused Vader.

 

"Yes...yes, I managed to get his name. It is Ralon. I have done a brief background check on him and it seems that he was at one time a freelance mercenary. He is also very intelligent, my Lord."

 

"Very well then, that will be all for now, Lieutenant. The failure was not yours." Vader responded. With that said, the Lieutenant and the stormtroopers walked away. He walked through the now opened door to notice an average sized man bound to the wall, with an interrogation droid beside him.

 

"So you, 'The Dark Lord of the Sith', are doing the dirty work." Ralon said sarcastically. "Phhff, you are no better than the other guy that you sent in to 'just talk' to me."

 

Vader remained silent. Thinking.

 

"What? Nothing to say to me? Your not so tough." Ralon said aggressively.

 

Vader just looked at him. Finally he gave a hand gesture to the interrogation droid in the room. Suddenly a large needle silently appeared and the droid slowly hovered towards Ralon. In anticipation, the prisoner closed his eyes, and bit his tongue. The droid pricked the needle into Ralon's arm, and injected a blue, cold, poisonous substance into his arm.

 

"AAAAAHHHHH!"

 

"What do you know?" Vader questioned in a harsh, menacing tone.

 

"About what? I know a lot, my dark friend." Ralon answered with a haughty expression on his dull, unshaven, dirty face. He was still trying to recover from the substance that was injected into his blood stream.

 

"What information did you uncover?"

 

"Be specific."

 

Vader reached out in the force and grabbed his neck.

 

"Are you going to....to kill me like you.... killed your....wife?" he responded. "I uncovered that."

 

That remark seriously wounded Vader. He couldn't take anymore of this scum, but restrained himself from killing this 'person'. Vader eased grip on Ralon's neck, but didn’t fully let go.

 

"On...Mustafar? She went there to try to...talk you out of _this_. You...you would have none of it, and choked her like you tried to...choke me. " Ralon explained with a raspy voice. "You then engaged in battle with what seemed to...to be your former master."

 

Vader's blood was boiling, but just stood there with his arm reached out. The only sound that he made was to breathe through that annoying respirator used to regulate his breathing. He was re-living this moment that he has thought about every day since that moment in time. He was not even able to sleep somewhat soundly at night, let alone rest. He was contemplating snapping his neck right then and there.

 

"Cutting to the chase...the two of you fought...and your....master won." he said with a slight smirk. "With a single stroke...he cut off both of your legs, and an arm...and left you to burn. This is how you....became you...."

 

Burn. This made him furious; however, Vader released his grip on the man, and made another hand gesture, and the 'interrogation' droid injected yet more poison into his blood stream.

 

"AAAAARGGGGHHHH!!" Ralon screamed in agony.

 

"HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!!??" Vader yelled with anger and then moved his hand in a swift motion. Even for a non-force sensitive, one could easily feel the dark flurry of power emanating from the Sith Lord. "TALK!!"

 

"I...I was a mercenary tech hired by a...private...corporation...and was in charge of monitoring activity on the surface of Mustafar via spy....spy satellites. I witnessed most of what happen..." Ralon admitted because of Vader's mind trick.

 

Vader reached out in the force to try and verify what this man had just told him. He sensed no deception; however, was still furious. "You just committed treason, which is an Imperial crime. Mustafar was under control of the Empire at the time that you admitted 'monitoring' that planet. You did not have the Empire's approval!"

 

"What--why did I just tell you that?" the spy muttered in confusion. "I know a lot about what happened that day. I could tell you more."

 

"Nothing more will be needed from you." Vader said with utter hate. "Stop his heart" Vader ordered the interrogation droid, while beginning to walk out of the room.

 

"NOOO! You can't kill me!!" pleaded the soon-to-be deceased prisoner.

 

Vader just continued walking with a tear painfully rolling down his burned, scar-ridden cheek which was unnoticeable behind his dark, black mask. A memory best left forgotten...

[Arcesious]

Awesome! You've got my vote...

[Bee Hoon]

Not bad for a first try The language could use polishing, for example, describing Ralon's screams instead of just typing "AHHHH", as well as describing exactly how Vader used mind tricks on him (although Vader seems more likely to rip the information from Ralon's mind with brute force). I doubt that the Death Star was completed so rapidly (as Vader still had not fully recovered from Mustafar), and Ralon's character seems inconsistent; provoking the interrogator is *not* an intelligent to do by any standards! A mercenary (a reasonably successful one, anyway) would have better survival instincts to than do that! It's also out of character for him to plead for his life; perhaps he would mourn the that knowledge of the Death Star's flaw would die with him, or express regret that his luck ran out, but he definitely would appear more prepared than he is portrayed.

 

Btw, having Ralon use the name "Padme" on Vader would probably have more of an emotional impact.

 

A solid first fic, but lots of room for improvement, so keep writing!

[Tysyacha]

I second everything that Bee Hoon mentioned, and by the way, I'm going to run counter to conventional wisdom and tell you that spell-check is not the end-all, be-all of story editing. Sure, it can tell you when you've mistakenly typed "teh" instead of "the", but it won't catch a misused "your" or "to" or "there". For that, you need a beta reader or two. Ask someone else to read what you've written before you post it, if you can.

 

That said, I want you to keep writing. You delve into Vader's memory very well, and I could feel the rage boiling in his veins as he injected Ralon with the poison. Great job!

 

My personal rating: 7/10

[igyman]

A good effort, but needs polishing. Bee and Tysy have already addressed everything that needs to be addressed on the technical side, so I won't repeat them. I do have to say that I liked that you chose Vader for your protagonist and put the story in a time between the movies.

[Rev7]

Thank you all. I know that it was a little rough, and what-not but I really didn't have the time to do much more to it. I was tempted to pitch it and start over. To me, my writing will only get better the more that I write. Thank you all for the comments.