CommanderQ Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 The Bridge of the Mandalore's Fist Malachor V Mandalorian Wars 1300 hours "Sir! We have Republic soldiers in the hangar, they're moving fast!" said the floor commander. Mandalore the Ultimate stood at the front of the bridge staring at the raging space battle. "Commander, scuttle the ship and prepare the evacuations. I will stay here." The Commander's eyes widened, "Mand'alor! We cannot leave you to Revan! They will have no mercy upon you!" Mand'alor sighed, "A warrior does not expect mercy, commander. You have your orders." The commander saluted and went to carry out his Mand'alor's will. The bridge was in chaos, Mandalorians everywhere were bustling around, destroying important documents and preparing defenses. Mandalorians never talk about defeat, but today, everyone knew the end was at hand. Mand'alor turned and walked down the walkway that led to the entrance of the bridge. He walked solemnly and slowly, his cape flowing behind him. So it has come to this,he thought, My Empire in ruins and my soldiers in dissarray. What I was told to do was a fools errand. Mand'alor continued walking until he was in one of the command trenches that lined the bridge. The trench was not manned, the Mandalorians had already gone to the escape pods. Mand'alor pressed a small button next to a larger screen and looked at the Republic soldiers through the security camera's. If only Revan was on our side,he thought. The sounds of battle were heard everywhere, starships exploding and cannons discharging. In all of this, Mand'alor felt secure. All Mandalorians love to fight and to war on other nations. All of this was honor bound and glorious. But Mandalorians have always died this way, and for them it was the best way to die. The floor commander rushed over to where Mand'alor stood, "Mand'alor, please, you must come, we can still win with the small amount of men we have left!" Mand'alor turned toward him and stared, "You have your orders, obey them." The floor commander shuddered and was on the verge of tears. "Hail Mand'alor,"he said and walked away. Mand'alor looked again at the security screens. He noticed the Jedi Revan in his cloak and armor leading the Republic soldiers forward, slaughtering Mandalorians in their wake. Hmm, maybe a final fight is in order... There was one last weapon that Mand'alor has yet to use, something more deadly then a billion nuclear warheads:Knowledge. He knew that Revan wanted to know why these wars started, he will never find out. Suddenly an old frase came to Mand'alor's mind: Knowledge is power, his father had said it often. Mand'alor walked back up the stairs to his command seat and sat down in his large chair. Oh, Father he thought,Only if you were here now. He then closed his eyes and thought of his father, a long time ago... Dxun Twenty years before the Mandalorian Wars 0400 "Gir'rak, keep your eye on that beast" said Father. A young Gir'rak Derekil steadied his rifle and aimed for the cannok's chest. His father had brought him hunting many times by now and had taught Gir'rak to survive well. Gir'rak took a breath and pulled the trigger. The cannok squealed and fell instantly. All the other wildlife scattered without a trace. Gir'rak and his Father climbed out of their jungle tree and went over to examine the beast. The cannok was very dead, but their was a small piece of metal sticking out of its stomach. "What's this?" asked Gir'rak as he pulled the metal out. It was a triangle of sorts, with red markings on the sides. It came out out slickly and covered in cannok blood. Gir'rak's Father took it and rubbed the blood off with his glove. "Hmm," he said, "This is a holocron of some sort." Father then handed it back to Gir'rak. The boy was really excited, "I must show this to Bralor and Kex! They'll love it!" Gir'rak wiggled back and forth with excitement. His Father settled to one knee and took off his helmet. He put his hands on Gir'rak's shoulders and said, "Son, I'm proud very proud of you, and now here is the final lesson for today: the most dangerous weapon is not made of metal and does not explode." Father pointed to his head, "This weapon is knowledge." Gir'rak nodded and understood. "Son, I know that Bralor and Kex are your friends, but some things are better kept to one person, for future use. Knowledge is power." Gir'rak nodded again and slipped the holocron into his backpack. "I will be the only one who knows, Father." Gir'rak and his Father exchanged smiles, "Love ya, son." "Love ya, Dad." Malachor V The Present Mand'alor smiled as he remembered those days, but the sound of war brought him back to reality. A small tear came to his eye, but he bit the urge back and he stood to head to the gunnery control. He walked to the command consel and started a firing sequence into one of the Republic warships. The blaster cannons ripped the ships to pieces and it exploded, sending Republic soldiers flying into space. Mand'alor smiled at the sight. Another small victory,he thought. Mand'alor walked to his quarters and looked at his numerous trophies. The room rocked with an explosion, reminding Mand'alor that Revan was coming closer. Revan exmained his trophies carefully to make sure that nothing broke in the next couple of exlposions. He had a Rancor's head from Tatooine when he had gone there to form a diplomatic alliance with the Hutt Cartel. Of course, the Hutts disagreed and threw him to a Rancor. He obviously killed it and then killed the Hutts. He also had at least 45 lightsabers kept together in a glass box. He had collected these on numerous Jedi-snatching missions. The Jedi didn't talk under interrogations so, he killed them, he won most the battles without their information anyway. He looked at his numerous animal trophies until he reached the final trophy. His Sith Holocron. Mand'alor smiled as he remembered the trip to discover its use... Dxun Shortly after being proclaimed Mand'alor the Ultimate "Good job, son! You are Mand'alor now!" Father said at the celebration. There were thousands of Mandalorians celebrating the new Mandalore. They were all happy to be united as one clan under Gir'rak. Gir'rak had repeatedly proven himself a strong and noble leader and warrior. The people loved him. "Father, there is something we must speak of in the backroom." Father nodded and left the crowded loud room. They walked into a dark room and sat down in two corner chairs. "What is it, son?" Gir'rak put his hand in his pocket and brought out the holocron. "Father, I've studied this for years, and now I know what this is, it is a Sith Holocron!" Father's face registered shock, and then it changed to joy. "This must contain knowledge that could make us the most powerful people in the galaxy! The Clans can use this to their advantage! We would have the power that Exar Kun dreamed of!" Suddenly the Holocron activated and both men jumped. A small red hologram appeared of man wearing a horned crown. "A Sith Lord name, like EXAR KUN unlocks the information stored inside to whoever owns this holocron." It said in a low and sinister voice. Both Mandalorians said in unison,"We own it!" The hologram acknowledged and said, "These coordinates will lead to our place of knowledge and power of the dark side. If you are true Sith than you will do well, be you not Sith, your fate will be decided." A red star map appeared with different coordinates to the unknown regions, mapping out thousands of unknow systems. The men looked each other in the eye, and instantly they both knew We can do it. Father stood, "Gir'rak, I'll prepare a task force and plan the crusade. You, as Mand'alor, can do as you wish, but whether you like it or not, you're coming along!" Gir'rak grinned, "The galaxy will fear the Mandalorians once again..." End of part 1 Part 2 will be coming soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Ok you have a nice start. The problem is that you don't have a separation of who is talking and to whom. The general rule with talking quotes is that whenever you have someone else talk, it is a new paragraph. Your format makes it difficult to read and distinguish the difference. Also separate your paragraphs with a space. Again it makes for easier reading. Another part is that I am not sure what tense you are writing in. Part of it is because All the words bunched together make my eyes crossed. The other is that I see a lot of dialogue but not enough description. I suggest editing your post to make it easier for other readers who view this. Keep at it though. Writing is a skill not obtained overnight but through years of practice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inyri Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Indents would be more appropriate than line breaks. Line breaks between each paragraph just make a story look excessively long and potentially bring about tl;dr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 Thanks for the advice, I'll apply it and try my best. The next part will be better thanks to your feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 This is weird, I can't indent, it won't let me. I'll figure out something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inyri Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Put the pre tags ([ pre ] [ /pre ]) around 5-10 spaces + your first letter of the paragraph. Results in the following: This is a paragraph with an indent. Look at all these nifty lettars I need to add to actually make it wrap down to the next line. Ugh I'm really not very clever. Maybe I should start putting the lyrics to some bad 80's songs. And you don't stop, sure shot! Go out to the parking lot and you get in your car and you drive real far and you drive all night and you see a light and it comes right down and it lands on the ground and out comes the man from Mars and you try to run but he's got a gun and he shoots you dead and he eats your head and then you're in the man from mars. Must love 80's music! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 What. What did you do... that's weird. Is this the best idea? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inyri Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 I told you what I did. Read the first sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted October 17, 2008 Author Share Posted October 17, 2008 Well, thanks. I'll remember this in further fanfics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 Dxun Underground Hangar Less than a year before the Mandalorian Wars 0600 Boots and drums filled the air of the underground hangar. Thousands of Mandalorian Warriors were being loaded into transports. All of them, ready for the new crusade into the Unkown Regions. Mand'alor Gir'rak stared from a small balcony above the loading area, overseeing the movements of his troops. It was only 6:00 o'clock and everything seemed to be gray with the dawn. The hangar had a lot of open space, now that most of the Mandalorians were already in orbit with the rest of the fleet. Drums sounded to keep the Mandalorians at a steady loading rythm, a tradition that had been practiced for centuries. Gir'rak stood like a statue, not moving except when his skills were needed to help the troops. Suddenly, the door behind Gir'rak opened. His Father stepped through with a smile on his face. "Gir'rak, 1st through 10th divisions are already with the fleet. The 11th through 16th divisons are being loaded as we speak." Gir'rak nodded, "That is good, Father." Gir'rak's Father turned his head slightly to the left, "You nervous?" Gir'rak nodded again, "Launching a crusade like this doesn't come without considerable risk." "Wise saying, Son," he then stood by his son and put his arm around his shoulders, "Everything will be fine, we are the galaxy's best warriors, and you are their leader. We have the utmost faith in your command." Gir'rak smiled, "Thanks Father, that cheered me up a bit." The door behind them opened again and a soldier dark purple and black power armor came in. He walked with a confident stride and had an intelligent aura about him. Gir'rak turned to face the man, "Cassus Fett! It is good to see you again!" Cassus offered his hand for shaking, "It is good to see you too, Mand'alor." Gir'rak chuckled and shook Cassus' hand," No reason to stand on ceremony with me, Cassus. Or have you suddenly softened up?" Cassus laughed a bit and responded, "Well, Gir'rak, wouldn't you soften if your best friend became Mand'alor?" The three men laughed aloud and punched eachother in the shoulder. "Well," said Gir'rak's Father, "I must see to my division, you two keep from blowing up the place, will you?" They laughed again, Gir'rak spoke quickly," We've grown since the raid on Ryloth, Father." "I should hope so,"Father said, he then left the room chuckling to himself. Cassus and Gir'rak were quiet for a little while, just observing the troops, when Cassus said, "I have word from our men on Onderon, their Government has begun rearmanent. They know we're rising." Gir'rak grinned, "Finally,we can deal with those scum once and for all. Cassus, I want you to lead an invasion force and burn Iziz's defenses and government buildings to the ground. Then I want their leaders executed and their heads displayed publically. Is this too brutal, Cassus." Cassus smiled,"Of course not, Gir'rak. By the time you arrive from your crusade, the Onderonians will be speaking Mandalorian." Gir'rak nodded and waved a hand to dismiss Cassus to his invasion. The first stages of the Mandalorian wars had begun... Malachor V Present Trophy Room near the bridge Mand'alor stared at the Sith Holocron for a while, not noticing the recurring attempts the Republic had made to break into the bridge itself. He then blinked and shook his head, refusing to remember the rest of what happened when he left for Sith space with his armies. He was victorious and had somehow gained favor with the Sith Empire, but how he did escaped him. The Sith had probably done something with his mind when he left, for the events with the Sith Empire were all blurry. He did, however, record what happened onto his Sith holocron, but he could not access those files. Only a Jedi or Sith could get them. Another Weapon of Knowledge, he thought. Mand'alor would never let Revan have this holocron, lest he betray the Sith secrets, secrets that would destroy the Jedi and the Republic should it not fall into Revan's hands. I will not let him have this Mand'alor grabbed the holocron from its case and carefully put it in his armors ammunition bag. He then left the room and stood once again on the bridge staring at the battle that was raging. It reminded him greatly of a battle that he had fought against Admiral Saul Karath above Serroco, or what WAS Serroco. Mand'alor sighed under his breath as he remembered... Serroco A year into the Mandalorian Wars The bridge ofMandalore's Fist 1200 hours "Mand'alor! The Republic cowards have placed their camps near the cities, this is dishonorable!" said Admiral Serc. "They give us no choice. Destroy everything, leave nothing for these traitors," Mand'alor said. Admiral Serc nodded and commenced the bombardment. Suddenly, the sound of thousands of missile being launched filled the bridge. Mand'alor watched as the Republic fleet converged on the missile to defend their main capital ships. He imagined the shock that Admiral Karath must've been feeling when the missiles manuevered past the ships and continued to the planet. The nukes then made contact on Serroco and the whole bridge went silent as they listened to the distant boom boom boom. Mand'alor smiled, "They have learned..." Serroco, a lush green and brown planet from space, now looked like a moonscape from Mand'alor's position. Admiral Serc shouted, "Mand'alor, all Republic camps have been decimated, there is nothing left. Also, Republic forces are engaging our right flank Norik-class destroyers. Should we open fire?" Mand'alor nodded, "Ordered the destroyers on the right flank to fire and hold position. Then have the our center forces converge on the Republic Fleet's flagship, Courageous. Before this happens though, have fighter squadrons A and B converge on the attackers on the right flank." Admiral Serc nodded and started shouting orders to his crew. Mand'alor turned around and sat in his command chair and stared at the unfolding battle. The highly manueverable basalisks from and A and B squadron engaged the Republic warships and attacked key systems like life support or engine control. The droids literally walked along the surfaces of the warships and tore out these systems while spraying heavy fire at Republic fighters. In minutes, a couple of the Republic ships were lying dead in space, doomed to a slow death and miserable death. The Republic attack crumbled under the steady flow of Mandalorian ships that were enroaching the Courageous' space. Suddenly, a small alarm went off and the whole bridge of the Mandalore's Fist went into chaos. Admiral Serc rushed to Mand'alor, "Sir, the Courageous is attacking us in particular! What are your orders, Mand'alor!?" Mand'alor sighed, "So Saul Karath wants a crack at us, we'll give him one. Launch boarding parties one and 2 to begin boarding procedures. Lay down suppressive fire to protect them, all gunnery stations are to focus on key points of this Super-class capital ship, don't fully destroy it, though. That ship is could be of use to us." Admiral Serc saluted," Anything else, Mand'alor?" Mand'alor smiled, "Yes, prepare my bodygaurd battalion, its time I raised our troops morale." Serc smiled and laughed softly, "Yes sir." Serroco space Boarding Ship 1 The ship was filled with Mandalorian commandoes from top to bottom. All of them filled with the adrenaline of knowing that their Mand'alor would be fighting with them. They shouted praises to their leader and beat their drums as they marched in place to prepare themselves for the coming battle. "Mand'alor!! Koy'vez vode on oya!" chanted the large boarding party. Mandalore!! We will hunt together! Mand'alor looked through a viewport at the Courageous. He stood in his own world, not listening to the praises of his men, but the booming of the guns and machines. War was his world. The Courageous was in flames, pieces were flying everywhere and escape pods were jettisoning toward Serroco. As if they stood a chance, Mand'alor thought. "Boarding Party! Gear up!" said one of the commanders at the front of the ship. "Ship incoming! Prepare for glory, vode! Today, the galaxy will remember us forever!" Mand'alor shouted. A loud roar of humans and aliens was his response. Suddenly, the lights turned green and the boarding door slid open, and Mand'alor led the charge. At first, the white hallways of the Republic's ship were clouded with smoke, but it quickly cleared and Republic soldiers swarmed out of their barricades and engaged the Mandalorians in close combat. Mand'alor fired his flame-thrower into the first wave, quickly dealing out death. The second wave came quickly and Mand'alor ejected his cortosis blade and fought with a Republic officer, who was brandishing a vibro-blade. Everything moved in slow motion. The Officer swung his blade from side to side, trying to knock away Mand'alor's blade, but Mand'alor parried each attack. Mand'alor then lunged at the man with a loud battlecry. "FOR GLORYYYY!" He cried as beat repeatedly on the other man's vibro-blade. The other soldier tried his best to block all the attacks, but missed one. The blade and gooten stuck in his shoulder blade, blood staining the man's uniform. Mand'alor pulled it out with a sickening SSHHLIK, and swung his blade at the man's hand. Severing it completely. The Republic Officer, unfazed at this, barely noticed until he tried to punch Mand'alor, hitting him with a bloody stump. The officer's face registered shock, then changed to anger. The man was furious and hit Mand'alor with the other hand and tried grabbing him by the neck. The man was taller than Mand'alor by at least a foot, which was increased by his combat boots. The man pushed Mand'alor into the wall and kept on pushing until Mand'alor's head bumped against the ceiling. Mand'alor kicked the man in the gut and jumped off the wall, body slamming him. He then reversed the situation and grabbed the Republic officer by the neck and sighed. "You are a good fighter, Republic. You have given Mand'alor himself a good fight, and will be remembered for that," he said. Mand'alor stood, pulling the man with him. The Republic officer tried choked out some retort but it didn't get past his throat. He then reached in his pocket, and took out a frag grenade. Mand'alor reacted quickly. He stabbed the officer with his cortosis knife. Then fired a small rocket off his wrist launcher, throwing the Republic officer onto the incoming third wave of soldiers. The frag grenade activated, blowing everyone to bits. Mand'alor then took out his hand blaster and started charging the 5 remaining soldiers of the third wave. These soldiers however, instead of charging to a needless death, took cover behind their comrades' bodies. They then started firing in short bursts to increase accuracy. Mand'alor picked his first two targets, who were only five feet away. Mand'alor shot the first one quickly, but the second dropped to the ground, seeking cover. He adjusted his attack and took the second man down while he was falling. A blaster shot whizzed past Mand'alor, scraping his helmet. He reacted by launching a gas grenade and securing his helmet. The shots didn't stop, most of them, however, were deflected by Mand'alor's armor. The rest grazed his flesh, leaving raw tissue exposed. Mand'alor ignored this, he switched his small blaster from semi-automatic to fully-automatic. He sprayed the hallway with his remaining rounds, killing two more soldiers. The last Republic soldier through a smoke grenade and disappeared. Mand'alor fired a few shots into the smoke then, moved in slowly, beckoning his men to follow. Mand'alor crept slowly into the smoke, maybe 4 or 5 steps, when a scaly arm got across his neck. Mand'alor elbowed the attacker in the stomach then grabbed the hand arm around his neck. He brought the soldier's arm into a reverse-wrist lock and quickly broke it. After that, he delivered several blows to a human's pressure points. But this soldier was no human. Mand'alor looked closer and saw, A Trandoshan. The trando extended his claws and hit Mand'alor hard in the mask, leaving a huge crack in the visor. The trando then proceeded to hit key points on Mand'alor's armor, jamming him in awkard positions. Mand'alor tried to stop the attacks, but couldn't get his arms moving. Blasted Armorers! he thought, They didn't think of this! Mand'alor did the only thing he could, he head-butted the Trando with all his might, hoping he hit hard enough to do brain damage to it. The Trandoshan wobbled a bit and was about to launch another attack, but noticed something. There was blood coming from his mouth and his eyes were unaligned. Perfect, thought Mand'alor. He had the tender part of the Trando's skull, and probably destoyed the Trando's key brain lobes in the process. The Trando, fell to his knees and slid slowly to the ground. The Courageous had been taken. The Serroco Campaign won... Malachor V Present The Bridge of theMandalore's Fist Mand'alor smiled once again at those campaigns, the first victories of the war. Now, those days had passed, and Mand'alor knew it. What Mand'alor also knew was that new days would begin, and eventually the Republic and the Jedi would be destroyed. He didn't remember the Sith's plan exactly, but he knew enough that if a certain secret was kept, then victory would be his. Mand'alor smiled, Knowledge is the best weapon of all... Suddenly the bridge rocked with an explosion, and the main door fell down in pieces. Mand'alor knew this time would come. Smoke covered the entry way, but Mand'alor knew who was there. Sure enough, out of the smoke came a man in a black cloak and armor with a mask. It was Revan. "So Revan," said Mand'alor, "I suppose a final fight is in order?" The man nodded, "We'll see, Mandalore." Mand'alor Gir'rak the Ultimate grinned under his helmet and let out a laugh that grew louder with length. Mand'alor turned quickly, twirling his black cloak and brandishing his black cortosis blades. "We'll see, Oya Manda!" End of Part 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted October 19, 2008 Author Share Posted October 19, 2008 Revan and Mand'alor stood absolutley still as they tried to size eachother up. The only sounds in the bridge were the two men's breathing and the distant sounds of the space battle around them. Revan moved first. He activated his lightsaber and twirled through the air at Mand'alor. Mand'alor blocked the attack with his cortosis blades, batting them away. Revan launched a combination of attacks at Mand'alor's sides. Parry to the right, to the left, to the right again, and lunge!thought Mand'alor. He lunged forward, dodging Revan's lightsaber. Mand'alor's right arm's blade stabbed into Revan's thigh and the left scratched some paint off of Revan's mask. Revan recoiled quickly, putting a hand on the gaping wound in his leg. A blue light showed over the wound, and it quickly healed. "Jedi! You aren't brave enough to fight a Mandalorian without your precious force, are you?" shouted Mand'alor. Revan straightened up, "Fine, Mandalorian. I will kill you without the force, you will find me just as powerful." Mand'alor sighed,"Those are not words of a Jedi, scum. Your words echo of your "so called" dark side!" Revan and Mand'alor circled slowly around eachother. Revan chuckled quitely," The Jedi do not understand power, the power that I now have!" Revan jumped forward again, blocking Mand'alor's defense out of the way. He then slashed at Mand'alor's neck, but he missed slightly and burned a scratch on Mand'alor's armor. Mand'alor retaliated quickly by kicking Revan in the stomach and cutting a piece of Revan's cloak off. "Ahhhh, so you have fallen, Revan. You have turned against your Jedi friends." Revan circled again, "A Sith has no friends." Revan dropped into a Soresu style attack stance. He brought his his lightsaber's hilt close to his face and pointed the saber at Mand'alor. He then began to wave his lightsaber all over the place, lowering Mand'alor's gaurd. Mand'alor chuckled and leaped towards Revan. Revan quickly stepped aside and clipped Mand'alor's knee, sending the man to the ground. Mand'alor held his knee for a second biting back the pain. He stood and launched a rope cord at Revan. The Jedi\Sith became entangled quickly and Mand'alor charged. He then stabbed Revan on the side and was trying to decapitate him, until Revan broke lose. Revan activated his lightsaber again and moved at a blurrying speed at Mand'alor, and a second later, his lightsaber was stuck through Mand'alor's stomach. Revan pulled the lightsaber quickly and withdrew a few meters. Mand'alor looked at the smoking hole in his armor. He crumpled to his knees and started to cough. Blood splattered against the inside of his helmet, blocking his vision with a red haze. Then suddenly, Mand'alor remembered something, Knowledge is Power, a powerful weapon. Mand'alor reached inside his ammo bag and gripped the Sith holocron. Mand;alor coughed again, "I know why you fight this war, Revan. And it was never for the Republic." This caught Revan's attention, "What do you mean, Mandalorian, are you questioning my loyalties?" Mand'alor tried to chuckle, but couldn't, "Yes and no. You came on your own agenda, fighting for your own reasons. The people under you may fight for your petty liberty and things like that. But you don't." Revan quickly said, "Then what do I fight for, Mand'alor?" Mand'alor coughed again, "You want to know why the Mandalorian's invaded, what gave us the power to destroy millions and to defeat everyone. You want that power." Revan sighed slowly," Keen analyzation, Mand'alor. You are right, before I kill you, tell me why the Mandalorians fight." Mand'alor coughed again and smiled, "Only one thing do I have to tell you." Revan stepped closer and Mand'alor took out the Sith Holocron. "Knowledge is a weapon, you have fought a war for this weapon, you've won the battles, but lost the war." Mand'alor drew his hand blaster and started shooting the holocron. Revan gasped and unleashed an attack of force lightning at Mand'alor. But it was too late, Mand'alor had destroyed the holocron and the exploits of Mandalorian knowledge of the Sith was gone. Mand'alor let out a slow laugh and fell to the ground under the electricity. My time as Mandalore is over thought Mand'alor, but we've won our greatest battle... Mand'alor let out his final breath and Mand'alor Gir'rak the Ultimate died a Mandalorian's death... Epilogue Malachor V The Bridge of the Mandalore's Fist Present "Alek! Come here!" Shouted Revan. A bald man in a red Jedi's tunic ran from the smoke filled entrance. He looked hard at the Mandalorian's body. "I guess we won, Master," Alek Squintasarius said. Revan shook his head, "We've killed their leader, but the information that we needed was destroyed." Alek looked at the Mandalorian's body and saw pieces of red glass near the corpse. Alek stepped closer and picked up the most complaet piece he coul find. It still blinked with energy, surprisingly. "Master! Look!" Alek said. Revan stepped closer and felt an immense joy. The piece displayed a red star map of the unknown regions. Revan clapped his apprentice on the shoulder and Revan walked out of the bridge, his black cape flowing behind him. Mand'alor, you acted wisely in this war, but today there is yet another war to be fought, thought Revan. The years of the Dark Lord Revan had began. THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CommanderQ Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 Please leave some feedback if you'd like so that way I know what I can improve on, for future storys:). Thanks for Reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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