Top ten ways to calm down. Very serious.

[Eternity]

I have noticed that a lot of you are really, like, looking forward to this game, Jedi Outcast. I have observed that a lot of you sometimes, when the pressure grows too great, scream in capital letters that you want this game, like, really badly.

 

I have observed all of this.

 

Now I will stop inserting ‘like’ in all my sentences or I will be forced to kill myself.

 

To help you poor and distressed people, I have assembled 10 ways to help reduce the general wanting of Jedi Knight 2: Jedi Outcast. (Boy, sounds dirty, doesn’t it..) It might not be exactly ten because I am making this up as I go along. This is because I have pretty much nothing else to do.

 

Right, okay, starting at #10 and working my way downwards. Erm:

 

10) Pick your favorite screenie of this really cool game. It can be Kyle frying some stormtroopers (TASTE LIGHTENING BOLT, SCUM!) or two Jedi people going at it (TASTE SABERBAT, SCUM!). It doesn’t matter.

 

Now, make this screen-shot yer wallpaper. I don’t care if it’s blurry. BITE ME. This is my Top Ten, so you have to do what I say.

 

Now adjust the resolution of yer monitor to the lowest possible setting. I want 16 Bit color. Scale down the light settings, too. Now, turn off all lights. By now, it must be pretty hard to see the picture. This is okay. Do not panic. Instead, download some Star Wars music, unless you have it already, and have it ready.

 

Squinch your eyes so you can barely see. They should be almost slits.

 

Now, turn on the music at full volume. Violently wave the mouse around in random directions, and, with the vision impediments, it should look like a light saber!! Make your own light saber sounds by gurgling in your throat, spitting all over everything, and making whoosing noises.

 

It’s almost like you have the game!!

 

9) Buy a stress ball and squeeze it a lot. Whenever you have the impulse to log on to the boards and shout in capital letters that you really want Jedi Outcast, GET THE SQUEEZE BALL. And squeeze it.

 

The Stress Ball is your friend.

 

Note In extreme circumstances, this might not dissolve all the stress. In these cases, bite the stress ball.

 

8) Damn man, I’m only on 8!? This sucks. Okay, if you really want Jedi Outcast and the other two things don’t work, rob a bank. With any luck, they will shoot you dead. This will get rid of any unwanted impulses like wanting Jedi Outcast.

 

7) Play lots of Phantom Menace. That game is really bad, man. PLAY IT FOR FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT. This will get rid of any Star War games impulses, believe me. You will probably get several impulses to kill Anakin and every character in sight, but you can’t have everything.

 

6) Do steps #7-10 all at once. Play Phantom Mencace on your laptop, rob a bank, bite the stress ball, and narrow your eyes to slits and make spitting and whooshing noises.

 

5) Scream at intimate family members and close friends that you need help.

 

4) Whee, I’m already at 4! When you get the impulse to want Jedi Outcast, ram your fist through the monitor. That way, you are in too much pain to think about anything, and you can’t tell us how much you want the game because your monitor is broken.

 

3) Watch Space Balls and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. This will not do anything, but it’s funny.

 

2) Give Eternity large sums of money. You can do this via PayPal. The resulting emotions of gratitude and joy from me will make your day that much better.

 

1) Okay, okay, I give in. IF EVERYTHING ELSE FAILS, you may log on to these boards and scream in capital letters how much you want the game.

 

Then we all can kick you and laugh at you and the mods can ban the hell out you.

 

I hope this top ten list has been a helpful one.

[Walker of Sky]

Hmmmmmmm, maybe I'll try that 'Bank Robbing' solution, I can see it now..........

 

Hands on ur head everyone, I got a BatSaber and I know how to use it!

 

I could also just Mind Trick the guard, oh the possibilities are endless................. and #7 should definately kill my suspense.............Yeah uh huh.............uh can't do #1 or I'll be banned......................hmmmmm

[JR2000Z]

What I do is buy a new game and play it to keep me occupied when JO comes.

[Kwup]

to be banned or to get shot...that is the question!

[Eternity]

Just give me lots of money, boy-eee.

[TimTheEnchanter]

Easiest way to turn off your Star Wars impulses is to start talkin like a da jar-jar binks mesa thinkin we sa in trouble oke day. Yousa thinkin we sa in trouble with da bosses. I spake. Me sa so clumbsy me sa step in poo doo.

 

Hopefully reading that helped if not try walking and talking like him, that should do it

[Bowen]

Ya know....one of the best things about waiting for the game is well.....waiting for the game! I'm sure many of us will be playing JKO in a couple of years still but most of us won't have the same enthusiasm like we do right now. In some games, hype is all anyone will ever have i.e. Duke Nukem: Forever. I think it's safe to say that Jedi Knight II: Outcast will not be a disappointment because we know about the game engine, the developer, game engine, previous JK game. The only thing that might be better than JKO might be JKIII sporting the new Quake IV engine!!

[Ham Yoyo]

11. Just play JK & MotS over and over nonstop for two weeks straight with no sleep and that might keep the want of Jedi Outcast down a little.

 

12. Break into Raven's headquarters with a gun and scream "LET ME PLAY JEDI OUTCAST NOW OR YOU WILL BE WASTED"!!!

 

13. Take your tent to EB and camp out on the doorstep until March 28th.

[GonkH8er]

Abracadooved, this thread hath been moved.

[MuRaSaMuNe]

.....if anyone I said ANYONE talks like Jar Jar again... someone is going to die.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEEE HEHEEEE

HhahHHAAAAAHAHhHAAAAAAaaAAAAAa

AHHHHH!!!!!

[ZePhyR]

You know, when I get these 'urges,' I find something else to do.

[Brick]

It's okay, ZePhyR. It's perfectly natural to get these "urges"... Everyone does sometimes...

[WD_ToRMeNt]

The local cops know not to shoot me, it only makes me mad.