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To a loyal friend.

 

Once there was a time when the conquest of pain

was all that I could hope for, had been my only aim.

Happiness or joy, merely "unwords" with meaning,

they were unwanted anyway, as surely out off place.

All I wanted was the voices to be silent,

a brief moment in the dark, in loneliness and chill.

How I wished, my mind could escape the carnal dungeon,

that was flying silently through space,

while I lay gagged and chained within...

 

Today my view -strangely increased- it is beyond compare,

but nothing became easier, I’m still struggling to be free.

A thousand different things dare to appear before my eyes

now,

they come and leave untouched, because still I cannot see.

In true darkness there is no choice than to discover

the uselessness of eyes, giving birth from their own

despair.

Here eyes can nothing but decay,

and if I fail and do identify myself with them,

then their destiny I’ll share...

 

You are with me all the time... -all the time.

So very unreasonable had been my fear !

How could I ever believe, that I might be losing you,

when forever we’re connected, and you’re part of me !

It’s your omnipresence that defines the way in which I do

exist.

Forcefully leading me back to where I do belong,

opening my eyes to see the essence of my being,

by dissolving the distractions of the outer world.

In the loneliness of the pain you bring,

the isolation of my soul guarantees

the maintenance of the only thing that I know:

my natural and obvious differency.

 

Beloved old friend and life-time companion,

without you to nothing I would fall.

Your power pervades me and lies my low,

but at the same time a new strength is born in my soul.

In a universe of change and continuous movement

I am counting on you, since I know you shall last.

Being my darkness and basis of splendor,

light-giving background as most fertile past.

You "trance-formation", source of understanding,

you are the power that is pulling my down,

whenever a lightness seeks to carry me away,

you connect me savely to the ground.

You, chill of my winter, eternal saturn-sphere,

petrified and frozen, with a logic cold as ice

I walk through the world, look in surprise at the "living",

without being able to share their strange delight.

 

Beloved old friend and bringer of sadness,

shadow-like cloak, almost matter, so real.

You slip right through me, like I was merely membrane,

my feelings, so ambivalent, when my wounds refuse to

heal...

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