whitedragon Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 ive edited my spoof and even added some new stuff so tell me what you think the prolog a long time ago in a galaxy far far away...oh never mind lets just get on with it. *Gandalf rides on his carriage singing, "Follow the yellow brick road" * Frodo: Gandalf! You're back! Gandalf: What about my back? Frodo: You know what I mean! It is so good to see you! Gandalf: So, my young hobbit, your infactuation has not ceased, I see. Frodo: Pfft! Like that can happen! Anyway, on to more things, how is the world? Gandalf: You know i can’t tell you important things Frodo: Well that’s good to hear! Tell me, Will you be going to uncle Bilbo's birthday party? Gandalf: They aren't bringing back that clown this year, are they? Frodo: After last year, I doubt it! *frodo gets off carraige* Frodo: Well, see you later! Gandalf mutters under his breath on a lose up shot: good riddance....... *gandalf rides up to bilbos house and knocks on the door* bilbo: oh do come in *gandalf goes to the side of the door and opens it with his staff. a shotgun blast goes through the door and bilbo comes out with a shotgun and looks around* gandalf: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD bilbo: oh hello gandalf i uh...thought you were a sackvillbaggins gandalf: nevermind that do you have the old toby bilbo: shhhhh later *they both go inside* bilbo: i need to ask you a question. do any rings ever talk to you gandalf: so what do you have to drink ring: eat at Joe’s, eat at Joe’s, eat at Joe’s, eat at Joe’s bilbo: yeah....by the way im going away and im taking the evil ring with me gandalf: just tea thank you *later. Bilbo gives his birthday speech* bilbo: you all suck so bye *bilbo dissapears* frodo: ohhhhhhhhh boy gandalf: ok got to run frodo *a few days later frodo finds his house broken into* gandalf: BOO frodo: HOLY $#!+ gandalf: the ring is evil, that’s why it talks frodo: you hear it to, thank God ring: HEY I HAVE FEELINGS TOO gandalf:......yeah so i need to see the obviously evil saruman and get my ass kicked. you need to go to bree and make sure that if you hear tom bombadil shoot him *they hear a noise and gandalf pulls sam out of thin air* sam: ack! gardening at night! gandalf: whatever. i need some one to loose frodo sam: dont worry mr. gandalf i wont loose him gandalf: thats not what i said sam: please mr gandalf sir dont turn me into anything unnateral *gandalf turns sam into a rubber chicken and then turns him back* gandalf: that unnateral enough for you *all three are in a spooky part of the forest* gandalf: so um bye *gandalf takes out two empty halves of coconuts and starts banging them together as he gallops away* frodo: this is gonna be one long spoof *gandalf meets radagast the brown* gandalf: your not supposed to be in the movie radagast: where are you going gandalf: isengard radagast: are you rideing on a horse gandalf: yes radagast: your using coconuts gandalf: what radagast: you have two empty halves of coconut and your banging them to ether. where did you get them gandalf: i found them radagast: in the shire? the coconut is tropical. this is a temperate zone gandalf: LOOK ITS ELVIS *gandalf slips away* gandalf: saruman the dark lord whats his name...star man has found the ring in the shire. saruman: and you didn’t notice it before. have you been smoking old toby again. *they go inside* gandalf: WHAT YOUR JOINING SAMMEY saruman: he said he’d give me 5 bucks *gandalf gets ass kicked and frodo, sam, mary and pippin meet up with eachother* pippen: SHROOMS frodo: scary scream from man in black robe usually means to get off the road *nazgul appears banging coconuts together* nazgul#1: where is this person shire from the land of baggins. *sniff sniff* i smell shrooms. ring: IM DOWN HERE YOU IDIOT *nazgul goes after shrooms instead* mary: it gets dark really fast around here *nazgul chase hobbits to buckelbarry ferry and frodo falls in water* nazgul#1: HA HA HA HA HA HA *hobbits go to prancing pony and drink* pippen: FOOD mary: BEER sam: SPOOKY MAN IN CORNER *agenct all odds by throwing the ring in the air frodo gets it stuck on his finger* sam, mary, pippen: ohhhhhhhhh boy *frodo finds himself in weird shadow world* sauron: peek a boo frodo: HOLY $#!+ *frodo takes off ring* aragorn: do it again uh i mean come with me frodo: can i ask you a personal question do you uh wash your hair aragorn: am i scary frodo: no *scean changes nazgul stabbing beds and finding out that the hobbits aren’t there* nazgul#2: do you know if there are any ring makers in bree *hobbits and aragorn get to weather top* frodo: i hope you know strider that when you wander off where ever your going mary and pippen are going to do something stupid to attract evil. aragorn: yes but i must rescue you hobbits in my own particular...uh sam: idiom aragorn: IDIOM nazgul#1: what’s going on nazgul#2: some midgets are making smoke signals that say "baggins is here" nazgul#1: im glad they know where that place is cause its not on the map *nazgul attack hobbits* nazgul#1: so do you guys know a Mr. shire from... sam: BACK YOU DEVILS nazgul#1: ouch man thats harsh *frodo gets stabbed* nazgul#2: hey aragorn do you think that you could just scare us away like in the book aragorn: sorry but i must fight you more uh... nazgul#3: dramatically aragorn: DRAMATICALLY *aragorn + hobbits meet up with arwen* sam: WOAH BABE-O-RAMA arwen: so you don’t wash you hair on journeys aragorn: oh shut up *nazgul try to ask arwen for directions* nazgul#1: hi uh were lost arwen: if you want him come and clame him nazgul#2: dose he owe us money or something *big wave shaped like horses sweep nazgul away* all nazgul: HOLY $#!+ frodo: gasp choke cough arwen: oh don’t be such a baby *and now we go to the happy land of rivendell* gandalf: ah old toby frodo: gandalf *gandalf hides pipe* gandalf: ok now time for flashbacks *flash back time "yipee"* saruman: embrace the power of the ring or embrace your own destruction! gandalf: there is only one lord of the rings, and i cant remember his name...LOOK ITS TONY DANZA *gandalf hitches a ride with the lord of the eagles* lord of the eagles: WHAT THE...WHOS ON MY BACK saruman: gandalf?...... frodo: your not making any sense gandalf: fool of a took you know i cant tell you important things frodo: wrong hobbit gandalf: oh well i like to say fool of a took he he Elrond : Welcome to the Matrix, wait, I mean Rivendell, Mr. Anderson err uh, Frodo Baggins. frodo: ohhhhhh boy elrond: the matrix has you frodo uh ring i ment ring *gandalf and elrond talk about...stuff* elrond: the ring cannot stay here mr. anderson uh gandalf *legolas and unimportant elves arrive. gimli and unimportant dwarves arrive. boromir and old farts of gondor arrive. boromir drops the shards of narsil * boromir: oops aragorn: im trying to read *arwen meets gimli* arwen: all aragorn wants to do is read his book, he has no time for me gimli: there there. hey do you want to play a game of hide the helmet arwen: how do you play *...then other things happened and aragorn managed to finish "a catcher in the rye"......meanwhile at elronds counsel* elrond: big bombad sauron has found ring and him mucho happey. all:....what elrond: you don’t like my boss nass impression all:.......... elrond: you have to take the ring into mordor and you all mite die horrible deaths. any questions...gimli gimli: how do elves walk on snow elrond: any intelligent questions...boromir boromir: can i borrow the ring elrond: no. anything else...gimli what is it now gimli: can i borrow you JKII game elrond: NO!!! gimli: sheesh sorry elrond: so who wants to die frodo: ill go. the ring is driving me insane with repeating that damn poem ring: everyone hates me no one loves me im gonna eat some worms aragorn: you have my sword legolas: and my bow gimli: and my accent gandalf: well i have nothing better to do boromir: you’ll need some conflict for the story sam: im not supposed to loose frodo mary, pippen: you’ll need comic relief elrond: well at least we'll only loose one elf gandalf: well elrond we cant screw up too bad elrond: no gandalf your men are already dead uh i mean good luck *annnnnd there off....first they try to go around the misty mountains* gandalf: no we cant go that way all: well that was a waste of time *then they try to go on top of it* gimli: how do elves walk on snow legolas: its the shoes gimli: cool. new balance gandalf: no we cant go here either gimli: who wants to go to the spooky place *all but gandalf raise hands* gandalf: what have i gotten myself into *they go to moria and find everyone’s dead* gimli: i thought something was funny when i didn’t get any Christmas cards for 60 years. oh well cant keep track of everthing *frodo gets violated by "the watcher in the water" and all get trapped in the mines* pippen: they still have malt beer here right...right??? gandalf: im lost boromir: who put him in charge again gimli: i like it here. its nice and snug on these sharp rocks aragorn: dwarves are so weird gimli: thats not what arwen thought when we played hide the helmet aragorn: WHAT!!! *aragorn starts choking gimli and gandalf remembers just in time then they see the great hall of dwarrowdelf* aragorn: dwarrowdelf gimli: dwarrowdelf gandalf: dwarrowdelf legolas: its only a model all: shhhh *gimli gets mopey over baliens death and gandalf finds oris long lost diary* gandalf: "bought the new jedi knight 2 game and i can own dori any day on MP" *skips abit* "they have taken the bridge and the second hall. we have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. drums, drums in the deep. we cannot get out. a shadow moves in the dark. we cannot get out....they are coming........P.S. if i get out of this i need to remember to pay gimli that 5 bucks i owe him. *pippen attracts the presence of evil and thus big fight breaks out* gimli: were in my own country and the elf get the better fight sceans peter Jackson: yeah throw those rocks you hobbits *frodo gets stabbed again but has dwarf mail to protect him* gandalf: aww shoot uh i mean hooray for dwarf mail *balrog appears and chases them. gimli thinks he can make a 50 foot jump...right. balrog chases them to the bridge of kazad dum "don’t you just love to say those words* gandalf: YOU CANNOT PASS! balrog: hey your that wizard who stole my wallet! gandalf: uh....if i pay you back will you let us go balrog: yeah gandalf: how much balrog: 10000 gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!! *gandalf and balrog fall into an abyss "bye bye" hobbits have a teary moment* boromir: don’t cry gimli gimli: LET GO OF ME YOU OAF aragorn: quit crying you wusses gimli: i hope that was the horn of gondor that you were jabbing into my chest *they go to woods of lothloriean* gimli: they say there is a great elf witch who lives in these woods mary: ooooooo spooooky gimli: but she wont get me, i have foxy eyes haldir: the dwarf breaths so loud that...HOLY, jeese dwarf what did you eat gimli: gaze into my foxy eyes elf *haldir ignors gimli* aragorn: forgive the company i travel with. they're all...well...stupid gimli: what about the stuff your going to say about "we havent had dealing with a dwarf sence durins bane was awokend" haldir: its in the special edition *they meet galadriel* all: TURN OFF THOSE FREAKING LIGHTS galadriel: muwhahahaha scary aren’t i all: no *yada yada yada blah blah blah* galadriel: farewell frodo baggins. i give you this...shiny thing frodo: where do you put the quarter *company gets to the argonath* the argonath: stop. hey you cant go through here. stop cut it out. no dont do it. awww crap....shut up stupid birds and get out of my ear *.....companey gets to amon hen* gimli: recover strength!? what do you mean by that! legolas: a lot of orcs are on the other side. Can we go aragorn: ummmmm no *boromir fights frodo for the ring* boromir: ill give it right back. i promis frodo: instead ill show you a magic trick *frodo dissapears* boromir: oohhhhhhhhh $#!+ im in deep $#!+ *frodo gets a boat and goes off to mordor with Sam* Sam: im not supposed to loose you frodo: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD *aragorn legolas and gimli kill half saurons army in woods, boromir gets killed and mary and pippen get captured "perfect end to a perfect day"* mary: even after we painted those bullseyes on boromir your still going to capture us boromir: aragorn ive always loved you aragorn: ok ill just be over there *they put boromir in a boat and bury him* gimli: the boats stuck on a rock aragorn: er legolas: don’t look at me, im not getting it THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhantomHelix Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 brilliance........pure, undiluted, thriving brilliance...... dude, thats awesome! owww, my side hurts........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Torque Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 Your story insired me to work on a script :D read it and tell me what you think (lotr and matrix spoof) i love your script its a masteroiece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitedragon Posted November 11, 2002 Author Share Posted November 11, 2002 Originally posted by Father Torque Your story insired me to work on a script :D read it and tell me what you think (lotr and matrix spoof) i love your script its a masteroiece. good luck and wait for TTT spoof around january Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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