Darth_Yuthura

I don't have a very strong will at all. I would say I'm like a mimic who would emulate everyone else around me and then take an extra step to stay above average or be noticed. I already let two goals slip and could have/should have forced myself to not simply let them pass.

I simply have to get my present goals done because I can't advance unless I have mastered the basics of GIS and mapping software. It's not will that will get the job done, but knowing that I can't progress without providing a foundation for myself.

I would say that I have a strong will for subjects that matter to me, or that I have a strong interest it. I have to learn to exert that will on matters that may not matter much to me. Does that make sense?

How's the family right now?

I told you about my uncle's death before; there's much more than I realized.

He had a 1 million dollar life insurance policy that SHOULD have been rejected, but wasn't. If you don't pay for the insurance, you don't deserve the coverage... my crazy aunt should have lost all that, but her stupidity was enough to get that cash.

Here's where things get even more terrible... she had not paid the IRS any taxes for three years! And she is going to have to pay penalties, but did not deserve any of the breaks she was been given. I'm really starting to curse her very existence. She had life so easy, yet she squandered everything and exerted hell on everyone around her.

Do you have anything planned for the weekend?

I have discovered the source of my 'illness.' I think it was all a mental thing so I had an excuse from certain obligations. After some point two days ago, I realized that I could get back up to speed and just forced myself to get back to business.

I had an exam today, so I have that out of the way with confidence. I have some projects due in a week, but have lot's of time still. One exam next week, but I have my favorite teacher giving it.

I was ill again today, but got my confidence back and realize I make myself feel terrible if I've got deadlines looming... got to get on them so I'll feel better.

Is the ear still bleeding? I hate imagining what it was like for you.

It's only been a few days, but I realize I've allowed everything in my life to slip a week behind. Now that I'm back to grips with the real world, (I've been sleeping like 18 hours a day for the last week and have let all my classes build up into past deadlines) I realize that I can't afford much time here until I get everything situated.

I hope that your ear is not causing you too much agony... the shear dedication I'll need to get back on top of my classes will leave me wishing I were still out of it. The last week was miserable, but now I've got to compress all that I missed... all that I didn't get in the first week... and all that's coming up into one week of shutting out everything else from my mind. If my uncle's funeral was another deadline, that would make me go into a coma.

I just want you to know that I didn't just forget about everything... I've still got something to give to K3 when I can. If I can't get back online tomorrow, I wanted to wish you well.

Good evening.

Hope the ear stops aching soon.

Interesting you mention that. I was replacing ram module on my sister's computer and had assumed I could do it in a moment.

I'm going to have to get off soon because I need to get to the library at Whitewater before it closes. I had postponed a deadline too long and need to commit to it before I regret it. You also would have to get some sleep and shouldn't have to be bound here.

I will be off in about 15 minutes or less, so if you need to say anything else, I'll be offline soon.

Don't be ashamed of a few cigarets. The fact that you're actively stopping is difficult and it should not discourage you if you give in once in a while. Even if you give in more times than you would want to admit, don't feel weak or ashamed if you are ultimately committed to stopping altogether.

My opinion hasn't changed and I would encourage you to keep both goals in tact.

I guess the worst incident was when I jammed my right index finger during an American football practice. It itself was bad, but the pain came from moving or jostling the hand in any way. The injury lasted for months because I had to keep using the hand and it has never been the same since.

The pain is gone, but the it is something that I certainly will never forget. I think that the pain would have been bearable to face, but the fact that it could have(and has) had permanent effects, I was concerned that it would not heal properly.

It wasn't so much the pain, but rather that the long-term effects that bothered me most. Even for your ear, you have to sleep on it every night right? You can't just leave it alone and avoid the pain all the time.

Having a piercing extracted was no small thing. I can take having a dentist drilling at a cavity w/out novicane, but only because there's a cap to the level of pain... it doesn't go to 16 or 19, but reaches a peak and stops at 10. Something like that wouldn't have stopped at 10 on the painscale.

A procedure such at that wouldn't reach a peak and stop, so don't think it weak to react in such a way. Imagine a me acting exactly as you describe or worse?! That's exactly what it would have been like if I had been there!

Nope. I think it's like assigning AI to a large number of drones who act in a group. Is that sorta like what you mean?

I am surprised that you never visibly react to pain to levels between what I can tolerate and what you describe. If that were me, I would be a LOT less stoic than you. Do you also take painkillers? Anti-biotics are not complete w/out something to mask the extreme pain.

The piercing must have been bad, but how did the last procedure compare on the pain scale? Was it simply because it was more like picking a wound instead of creating a new one?

Ouch! I don't understand why you went to such drastic measures for that kind of piercing. I know it wasn't what you intended, but I would not have a piercing of the cartilage if it were expected to be so painful for so long.

I hate that it will amount to just a few months without anything from it. I understand what it must have been like to hear it was all for nothing.

I told you how I'm phobic to needles. I gave blood to confront it directly, but the wound from the needle has never completely healed. It's nothing like what you had, but it's the closest thing I had to continually be reminded of it. I hope that if it doesn't last that the scar at least vanishes.

How are you feeling now?

I think that people can be understood, but then when I look at people like my aunt, there is so much about humans that I don't understand. It's not that I can't understand, but there is just so much more than we can ever understand.

Sometimes, I think that if I were god and capable of influencing the balance of resources and beliefs, it would be far beyond my mental capabilities. The world is far more complex than I could ever realize, so instead of trying to grasp it all, I should just understand only what I can affect.

It is a bit unnerving, but humans are extremely dynamic. Some are rational while others are not, but I think I know what you mean about understanding people by simply finding what drives them.

I would admit that I wouldn't profess whether or not I has gay, but I seriously don't have those kind of feelings for males. I appreciate women, but I try to think it's because of more than my genes. I just can't back that because I don't know what the opposite sex thinks of us. I know that in the US, women represent 50% of the population, but are still regarded as a minority. Surely that would bear some resentment from them.

I also wanted to thank you in advance for simply reading and replying to my posts. I really find it odd that anyone can have sympathy for an American who really has no reason to complain when things start to go wrong. The US is so fortunate compared to the rest of the world that I dislike hearing people complain when they raise the price of gas by a nickel when others have real problems to deal with.

I really just want you to know that I appreciate your input and will stop throwing trivial issues in your direction. If I want things to change, I need to actively act on them and not complain like I accuse the average American of acting.

So... how about I talk about that dream of yours?

I don't know how the opposite sex would view others, males or otherwise. I can... appreciate males that have toned themselves, but I don't know if I ever was attracted in that regard. It would seem more socially acceptable for women to be attracted to women, but I really think it's more because of male's perception that reality.

I don't think any differently one way or another, but I just don't want to to actively give an impression that doesn't hold true to reality.

I've recently gone to a hospital... not immediate medical care, but for a diagnose. I'm not likely to be online again until at least Tuesaday, but things might change. This is not anything life-threatening, but I am going to not be very capable in the next few days. When I am, I'll have to deal with projects and studying for classes.

I'll tell you of who you remind me of: My grandmother on my father's side of the family. She was a very cunning, spitfire-like woman. She had all the manipulative qualities of my crazy aunt, but used them against her family so they would improve themselves for life.

Maybe one day, i'll tell you more of her, but for now, I need to get back to sleep. I hope that thinkg are goingmuch better where you are.

Thanks for telling me about that offer, but I'm not likely to do anymore artwork again. I'm flattered that someone suggested me, but I just don't enjoy doing it enough.

Hi there.

Just got back from a stressful day. I've got some deadlines looming and haven't made much progress even after devoting several hours to the work. I've got a problem that can't be overcome through trial-and-error, so it's no longer a matter of how long it takes, but rather that it can't get done until the problem is solved.

It's miserable if I know that I've got a lot of work ahead of me, but it's even worse when something stands in the way and I can't do the rest of a project if everything depends upon correcting something I can't figure out. Have you come across issues such as that?

Do you remember how I used to tell you that the US empire was on the verge of collapse? It's started.

Now it looks as though my sister is going to be kicked out much sooner than I had feared. The problem is that it will be because much of what my grandparents passed down is gone. Many of the stocks have tanked and I see where things are going to end.

So if I sound a bit cynical in the near future, it's because I'm upset with what is about to happen. The press may say otherwise, but I can see through the lines. I'm going to see if I can convert my savings to Euros.

Anyway, how are things going for you?

I'll shift to Deviant Art now.

You remember how I have been itching to get 'the force unleashed'? I've played a demo of it and have realized just how disappointing it is. I'm glad I don't have any of the game councils, or I would be throwing them out into the street. If my word means anything to you, then I would advise that you save your money and not buy the game if you haven't already tried it.

It's better than KOTOR in terms of action and effects, but I prefer the Jedi Knight series more than TFL. If you want to know what happens in the game, read the novelization and watch the in game movies on You tube. It is a disappointment.

I am now starting to take the 'applied knowledge' courses and will have to exert myself more than ever. Biogeography is a favourite, but will involve keeping on top of deadlines. GIS will be even more stingy, but I could do it. Cartography is another class that revolves around GIS... difficult. Intro to Marketing... I want to kill myself!

Most people around are not people you can just meet and share a beer with. Either they already have their own friends, or are solitary creatures. I'm closer to my professors than any students... how demeaning. At least with them, I could discuss serious issues. For the students, serious topics are football(American), baseball, and the price of fuel.

That's why I don't approach the other students.

I'm back, but will have to keep working if/while I chat.

I'm completely inept when it comes to the XP operating system, but that's soon going to change. The GIS software package is for windows only, so I'm going to have to take a crash course for both Windows and GIS(Global Info System)

Anything of interest lately? Outside of Gadspay, how are your other classes?

I meant that he used 'touche' improperly. You only use that when you make a point; not when someone else does.

I've got about an hour to kill.

'Touche?' What point has Mr_BFA proven to say that? Given that you've swallowed a dictionary, you must have laughed at that.

I'm sorry that I wasn't around most of today. I didn't have classes all day, but I had other obligations. We went through a nature preserve (boring!) and I was trying to find seedlings (young trees) that I could remove before they did a controlled bonfire.

Since fires are a way to maintain the ecosystem, I figured that I at least save some of the trees that would not survive. The biggest problem is that the choicest ones are the least likely to survive a transplant. I was also saddened to see the few elm and ash trees starting to die from invasive species. I'm not one of those tree lovers, but it's hard to watch so many species of tree die off and make way for garlic mustard and buckthorn... very resilient and undesirable vegetation.

I hope that your time has been more enjoyable than digging in the dirt.

I'm going offline shortly. If you have something to ask or say, you should do so now.

I've started my new K3 chapter two and will have it so that it can fit with whatever you currently have. I'm not advancing the plot, so you should just do whatever you want and not concern yourself with getting it to fit with Burnseyy's. I'll be the buffer for that.

I rather like the new avatar. I was thinking if I should just stay with what everyone has come to recognize, or just cycle through like Rev7. The signature quote is less important, but I really should change mine to something more... catching.

As for Law School, I know what it's like to be interested in something. If you know that there are complications or undesirable aspects, it's better to recognize and confront them early. I made the mistake of taking a number of desirable courses first and was stonewalled by subjects like macro economics and accounting. Although I like Macroeconomics, actually doing it for a profession sapped all the joy from it.

I only say this because I don't want others to make the same mistake I did... it's important to confront the undesirable or difficult issues first because they are often not what we expect. After that, only the enjoyable subjects are all that stand in your way.