Guybrush122 Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 Mods Note: this is not a game (frankly, nor was my Runnie awards) so please, don't move or close this topic. Thank you. Alright, everyone....I wanna hear some jokes. We love humour, so let's give us some humor. I want the dumbest, funnyiest, stupidest, cleverest jokes around! Post away! Here's one to start off with. Two sausages are in a frying pan. One looks at the other and says, "Whew - tt's hot in here." And the other sausage says, "Oh my God, it's a talking sausage!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snafu7 Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 Heres a classic one... 2 guys walk into a bar, 1 ducks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reaper Girl Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 this put a girl on my bus, Julianna, in TEARS...she tends to laugh over stupid things... A mushroom walks into a bar and sits down...he orders a drink, but the bartender says "We don't serve your kind." The guy next to the mushroom says "why not................HE'S A FUN-GUY!" in tears she was. for ten minutes. it was scary... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ernil Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 WARNING: Not for any children under 20 A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints away and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, gently slapping his face and shaking him, "Are you alright?" In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say?" The big dude says, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions almost everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet 3 inches tall, 385 pounds, 12 inch penis, 2 pound left testicle, 2 pound right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn Around'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 What are the odds, the day i buy 'The Best Pub Joke Book Ever #4' and someone starts one of these threads. Closed. Okay, so that was my first joke, and it stank. Now turning to random page and typing out the first [good] joke. A long time ago, there was a king who had a daught. he wanted huis daughter to marry a worthy man so much, that he spread the word far and wide that if anyone could clear the Kings 1000 metre lake filled with crocodiles and come out unharmed, he could choose either the castle, great riches, or the kings daughters hand in marriage. Peopla cam from far and wide wanting to do this. The First man stepped up. 'I can do it!' He shouted. he jumped in and was instantly killed by the crocodiles. A second man stepped up. 'I can do better than that!' he jumped in and was instatly eaten by crocodiles. Before a third man couls say anything, there was a splash. eveyone looked around and saw a man in the water. instantly, he swam away from all the crocodiles and swam the full legnth across the lake to the other side. The king goes round to congratulat him and says 'So what would you like, My caslt, my riches or my daughter?'. The astonished man replied 'None of them I want to bloody git who pushed me in!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elTee Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 There's some white tarmac sat in a bar. All of a sudden, some black tarmac bursts in. "Oh God!" thinks the white tarmac. "Its the black tarmac! He's so tough, he can hold all the cars and lorries that come along! I better buy him a drink." So, he tells the barman to get the black tarmac a drink. At the same time, the black tarmac is thinking as well. "Uh-oh" he thinks, "white tarmac is here. That guy's so tough, all the cars and lorries that come along can't even drive over him!! I better buy him a drink." So, he tells the barman to send a drink over to the white tarmac. So, they're both sat there drinking their drinks quietly avoiding each other, when the door bursts in again. This time, its red tarmac. Simultaneously, the white tarmac and the black tarmac tell the barman to get the red tarmac a drink. The barman rolls his eyes: "why are you getting him a drink?" "what, are you joking?? he's a cycle-path!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Groovy Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 Guy sitting at a bar looks over to this other guy, and says "hey, I know this great Polish joke". Before he can continue another guy at the bar walks up to him and grabs him; "Hey buddy, I am the Black Belt Karate Champion of Poland! See those two guys over there? One knows Tae-Kwan Do, the other is a champion at Judo. Now, do you still want to tell that Polish Joke? The guy responds: "Nah that's ok, I don't feel like telling it three times..." Disclaimer: *Quoted from Stuff Magazine, so please do not flame me* *runs for cover* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scabb Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barkeep remarks: "Hey, nice newt - what's his name?" "Tiny", replies the man. "Tiny? Why'd you call him tiny?" "Because he's my newt" It doesn't get much better, boys and girls! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reaper Girl Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 Can I post two?..yes?..okay! this is from the book "Collection of Urban Legends" almost veribatim...here goes Mr.Gay worked at the airline company, so he got a free flight to Haiwiie (kant spel) during a busy season. However, the airline had over-booked the flight, and a stewardist was sent on the plane to "bump" any one taking a free ride. When Mr.Gay boarded the plane, however, he found a paying costumer in his seat who refused to budge. So Mr.Gay just moved a few rows back. Just then, the stewardess, armed with her list of names and seats, walked on. She went to the seat that was supposed to be Mr.Gay and asked "Are you Gay?" The man thought about it, and then said "Yes. Yes i am." The stewardess then said "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get off." Meanwhile, Mr.Gay heard all this, stood up and said "Wait. You've got the wrong guy. I'm Gay. I'll get off." At this, another man stood up and yelled "Hey! They can't kick us all off!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guybrush122 Posted September 13, 2003 Author Share Posted September 13, 2003 Hahaha! Great jokes guys....here's one: A professor was asked to give a talk on "Sex". When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone just so. He said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure . . ." And he sat back down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 A man walks into a bar and immediately shouts "All lawyers are b******s!" At that moment, a huge guy stands up, walks over to him and picks him up by the scuff of his neck and says "I take offense to that my friend!" to which the guy replies "Why, are you a lawyer?". "No," replies the man "I'm a b*****d!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.