DiRtY $oUtH™ Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Hi again swampies. I am a senior in high school and have begun my applications to Universities I wish to attend. I currently have applications to the University of Florida, Florida State University, and the University of Miami. My dream has always been to attend the University of Florida. GATORS!! W00t! Initially, I was only going to apply to UF but my friends, teachers, and college advisor said it was a very bad idea to only apply to one University. So, I picked my next best choices. I have found that the most difficult part of the application process is writing your personal statements (essays). State Universities in Florida require 2. Now I am not familiar with the application process out of the State University system of Florida. So if there are any other people here who are in the process of, or have knowledge of applying to universities, your help is welcomed and greatly appreciated. This is one of my personal statements. The topic is: Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievement in your life (this could be a book, movie or an activity or experience at work, home or school) that has been particularly meaningful to you. I will never forget an experience I had in 7th grade. Ms. [name of influence] offered to help me out on a couple of problems I had been experiencing with Civics and after a short while she became not only a tutor, but a true friend. I cannot even begin to imagine how many hours I spent in her classroom after the last school bell had rung. Colorful manifestations of her character covered her walls. It was a very spirited room for the lively woman she was. She went over the course in great detail while also informing me of how eminently important it was for academics to be my top priority. As a loyal friend, when I was at the brink of surrender, Ms. [name of influence] would always be there to repeat her unforgettable phrase, "Nothing worth your time in life comes easily." Although Ms. [name of influence]’s main purpose was to perfect my Civics, she did so much more of which she was unaware. She convinced me to believe that anything was possible if I put my mind to it. If I wanted to be president, she would jokingly say "If Bill Clinton can do it, why can’t you." Being a Republican, I took the statement as encouragement. After the year ended, my goals had unconsciously changed for the better. I believed in capabilities, my accomplishments, and myself as though the world was an open door to endless possibilities. I did not just want to be an architect; my desire was to have people look up at one of my creations and say, “[my name] designed that magnificent structure”. The knowledge that the University of Florida is one of, if not the, best educational institutions in the world presents a challenge. It requires the best of my ability and nothing less. Under the mentoring and guidance of Ms. [name of influence], I do not fear the intimidation that college unavoidably brings; I welcome and look forward to it. My other personal statement that is required is in the process of being reviewed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiRtY $oUtH™ Posted October 3, 2003 Author Share Posted October 3, 2003 Wow...that's pretty sad that nobody here has a college education or even knows anything about college. Guess these forums are for ppl with GED's and only high school diplomas, if even that. Anyways... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JSM Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 most colleges nowadays (particularly the big ones) are requiring personal statements. its just a way to peek into what kind of person they are (have you ever met a stupid person that writes intelligently?) if you can afford out of state tuition i would look into the following schools near you: Georgia Tech and U. of Georgia and maybe College of Charleston or UNC-Chapel Hill (excellent public school) as for your essay, lets see: "experience in 7th grade" - somewhat generic, but its always good to write about educational experiences, but always write out numbers; seventh not 7th. "...colorful manifestations..." - very good, always flaunt your vocabulary and creativity; nobody likes formulaic essays "...eminently important..." Noooooo!!!! always, always, always check your spelling and grammar!!! this is crucial!!!! "...being a republican..." - not really a good idea to state your affiliations, political or otherwise, when you are only 18 or so. you still haven't experienced this world too much (then again it might be a good idea, since your governer is a Bushie) remember, those who review your app. could be Democrats! other than those it looks pretty good. the thing i would stress is creativity. do you know how many applications they read? they want something that stands out, and that they can easily think back on and say "this one really caught my interest, because instead of ________ he talked about ________. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiRtY $oUtH™ Posted October 3, 2003 Author Share Posted October 3, 2003 Thank you very much for your help. I guess there are higher life forms here! (Just a few) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XERXES Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 I didnt have to do any essays for the colleges I applied to. They only wanted me for my mountain bike racing skills. Also here is something to think about...guess how many times the people who read the essays have to read this sentence for the opening sentence. "I will never forget an experience I had in Xth grade." where X = to the grade level relevant to the paper. btw, personally I wouldnt consider Chapel Hill, now 3 of my cousins went there (1 still there now) and they are literally treated like a number among thousands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swphreak Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 meh... i gotta get my apllications done. It'll probably apply to UNF, UF, and some other Florida Colleges around here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiRtY $oUtH™ Posted October 3, 2003 Author Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by StarWarsPhreak meh... i gotta get my apllications done. It'll probably apply to UNF, UF, and some other Florida Colleges around here. Oh so you're in Florida too? Tight work. What part? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost Welshman Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 Originally posted by DiRtY $oUtH™ Wow...that's pretty sad that nobody here has a college education or even knows anything about college. Guess these forums are for ppl with GED's and only high school diplomas, if even that. Anyways... Lost Goes To College Next Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swoosh Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 That essay was pretty good...I would agree with what JSM said about what should be changed. I am impressed with the aim you took with it and saying that you have a much higher goal than simply becoming an architect...college app reviewers would certainly be impressed with that. Your job is to convince them you will be a successful graduate no matter what field you go into. They are ultimately investing their capacity in you, so any way you can convince them that you are a good investment will help you. Get your english teacher to review your essays and ask them to help you improve it...they should know what buttons to push with the essays. Good job though, and good luck, college is fun (I'm a junior )! Swoosh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Wilson Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 wilson also goes to college next year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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