John Skywalker Posted November 5, 2005 Author Share Posted November 5, 2005 thanks Hallucination chapter 3 will be done soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 yeah, thats good, though i think it would be better if you used the sith code from KotoR. that is somewhat more easy to memorise and is kinda more threatening too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Hmmmmmmmmm..........I like where this story is going....I like it a lot I think hope that John will turn light. I never did like the Sith. Though, they do hav the right mind about somethings Keep it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 7, 2005 Author Share Posted November 7, 2005 cheers jedi knight. Rc the reason why i used this sith code is because it is in this time i think the sith code would have evolved from KOTOR and thats why i never used it hope u understand;) cheers for the idea though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Cheers to you to Yeah, I think that it would have evolved after 4000 years too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 sure would. good story btw. whens the next update?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 10, 2005 Author Share Posted November 10, 2005 i think the next update would be in a couple of days. Im just finishing reading attack of the clones the novelization! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 WAHAY!!! ive got over 200 views to everybody thanks for reading my work its well appresciated and chapter 3( long) will be posted on sunday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 Ok people chapter 3 is here!!!! i said sunday but i just finished it quick. After this chapter you will be reading about a older John Skywalker at 15 but anyways enjoy this:) FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!!!! Chapter 3 The ship landed on Coruscant. Whilst contemplating on what Lord Sidious looked like, John really was'nt scared,he was excited at the prospect of being trained by someone better than Maul himself. "Come boy, we must move quickly Master Sidious is a busy man", Maul said as he opened the hatch door. They got off and Maul started moving rather quickly, John was trying all he could to keep up with Maul even breaking up into a small jog. John passed many things that interested him their were many species he had never seen in his life and buildings that he looked at with glee,this is a beautiful place, John thought to himself then started again to keep up with Maul. They seemed to finally get at their destination as Maul stopped outside a door and knocked. "Come in",came a reply.Maul and John came in and John saw Sidious. He could'nt see his face as it was covered by the hood on his robe but John could tell that he was old. John admired Sidious without even talking to him, he looked very wise. "Master this is John,the one you wanted",Maul said. John was confused the word wanted sprang in to mind, so i guess i didnt meet Maul by chance they were looking for me, he thought. "oh yes", Sidious said with a smile,"excellent my boy you will be a good jedi no doubt, Maul i think you better get back to Naboo i will attend to the boy now" "Yes master", Maul left not saying goodbye to John. Sidious looked at John and then put his hood down. He looked old but he still had dark brown hair,he had a father type smile and John felt comfortable in his presence. "So John, i have been expecting you,take a seat", he motioned to the seat "Thank you Lord Sidous", John said when he went to sit down and putting his folded droid on the floor, "when will i start my training sir", John asked curiously. "We will begin straight away, i think i have to tell you what were about", he studied John for a while and then continued,"were are Jedi of course but we do not go by that name we go by the name of Sith", John had never heard of that name before and Sidious sensed this so he went on,"we protect the republic against threats any way possible the other set of jedi try and destroy it", Sidious said calmly,"they have thined our numbers and we need help and your just that. You have a bright future as a sith and it is my honor to train you". "No", John said with a smile,"it is my honor to be trained by you". After their talk Sidious got John to have a bath,being a slave he hadnt had many of these but when he got out Sidious came to him,"John here are your robes", he said placing them down and walking off he said,"when your dressed your room is down the hall on the right and i shall see you in the morning" "Goodnight Master", John said looking at his robes he had the robe that Sidious was wearing which was black and he also had a black Tunic. Smiling John took them into his room and put his pyjamas on, he could'nt believe it he was going to be a jedi. John woke up having had a great sleep,he put his tunic on and started for the door he could hear Sidous' voice. "The Queen is more foolish than i thought,this will work to our advantage Lord Maul be mindful,let them come to you" "Yes my Master",Maul said "So we have permission to procede my lord?",came a voice that John had never heard. "wipe them out...all of them", Sidious said and then the transmission must have ended as John could hear nothing else. After the next couple of days John was in extensive studies learning about the history of the sith and how they were always overcome by jedi in the last millenia. Also with Sidious' assurances John started to hate these fake jedi as he callled them. Sidious and John were eating when Sidious sensed a loss in the force John felt it to but not that great he just started his force sensitive training. Sidious' had a grim face and John knew who it was. "Im afraid these Jedi have killed our beloved Maul", Sidious said and John felt rage was building. "Master i swear to you i will avenge the death of Maul" John replied with clenched fists,Sidious started smiling. "Yes boy we must have vengence so i will intensify your training and in time", Sidious strayed on eyes gleaming,"they will be no match for you". John smiled at Sidious he had every trust in his Master,But also he wanted to go at these fake Jedi now but knew he had to wait,my time will come, he thought. my time will come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vladimir-Vlada Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 Excellent work. One thing, though: 15 YEARS? O.o Wasn't it 8 years? Anyway it's excellent. Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaV™ Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 Excellent work, i'm expecting more like this from you John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 Great work, you are a great writer Man, I awnt the next xhapter out soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 12, 2005 Author Share Posted November 12, 2005 @Vladimir i meant after this chapter John will have grown for chapter 4 it will be 6 years later thanks for the compliment @RAV i love your comment and thanks for this im am sure i can give you more like this @jedi knight now ur comment is sumthing!!! me? a great writer? i wish!!!!! lol. Ill try and do the next chapter as quick as possible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 Of course your a great writer!!!! Keep it up. BTW can you write the next chapter in about 30 seconds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 Great work John, keep it up! *gives John +10 cool points as motivation* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 12, 2005 Author Share Posted November 12, 2005 30 seconds!!!! i am not a jedi(wish i was though lol) and thanks for the points Hallucination Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 and thanks for the points Hallucination No problem. I'm kinda liberal with them around incredible talent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 12, 2005 Author Share Posted November 12, 2005 incredible is a strong word Hallucination i dont think i deseve it yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 15, 2005 Author Share Posted November 15, 2005 Ok ive done Chapter 4 and its 6 years after chapter 3and John is 15(hope that clears everything up:)) Its just a brief chapter of what John gets up to now. FEEDBACK PLEASE Chapter 4 "I hope you have my money or some bad things will happen to you", the man said, his face hidden under his black cloak. "im so sorry i only have half of the money", Dexter,the cafe owner,said obviously scared of the man. It was quite funny from a view as Dexter was triple the size of this hooded man but still pretty shook up. The hooded mans reply to Dexter's answer was a bad one. He grabbed Dexter by the throat and hoisted him,he then pummeled him in the face and stomach and put him down. "If you dont have the rest of the money at the end of the month Dex you'll be in big trouble". The man walked out and Dex knew he was trouble he would have to bet extra on the Podracing. John walked out of Dexter's cafe smiling and putting his hood down. He always had money nowadays because no one would mess with a Force User, he was learning new ones by the day his Master Sidious is the best. Now 15 John had realised that he was starting to grow into a handsome young man,but he still looked young for his age. His Sith training was getting better and harder at the same time but he loved it, Master Sidious said that John might be the greatest of all Sith. He was halfway to the Senate chambers were all the senators argued about issues he found that intrigueing, he found it this way because they were arguing for a lost cause his Master told him so. He was heading to that place but then he stopped,"actually i'll see how my old freind is doing", he thought to himself and he set off to the lower levels of Coruscant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vladimir-Vlada Posted November 15, 2005 Share Posted November 15, 2005 Nice! It just keeps getting shorte... I mean better! Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 Good work, I hope another update is coming soon (like the next 30 seconds? ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 incredible is a strong word Hallucination i dont think i deseve it yet. Incredible natural talent then. P.S. Just read the last chapter, gotta love 15 year-olds beating up giant ugly things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 16, 2005 Author Share Posted November 16, 2005 thanks for the comments jedi knight keep your fanfic coming too!! i thought i should put Johns strength in this chapter to show how the dark side is changing him, its making him stronger and his teacher(Palpatine/Sidious) is Also making John more cunning. Hope that clears it up for ya Hallucination:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Sounds like it would, remember though, don't force your writing, or else it isn't fun. And when it isn't fun it isn't as good as it could be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Skywalker Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 thanks for the advice Hallucination ill take my time with chapter 5:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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