Jason Skywalker Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Ok,this is my first fanfic,so bear with me.Actually i have some experience.Anyway,this is set a month after Jaden killed Tavion in Korriban.Jaden is the brown-haired,white guy.He has the first clothes(tan ones),black pants and a Sentine Hilt orange lightsaber.Rosh now has another yellow lightsaber,both Praetor hilts,i think that's the name,the one that comes before the Sentinel. Star Wars Jedi Knight: Jedi Heroes. After Jaden Korr killed Tavion on Korriban, and imprisoned Ragnos forever, he went back to the Academy. Everyone congratulated Jaden on the Academy, and Rosh was also made a Jedi Knight. But little everyone knew, was that evil was lurking in the shadows by the name of Kayn. Chapter I New Beginnings, New Enemies. Jaden woke up in his room. He put his tan Jedi clothes on, and picked up his lightsaber. He got out of his room and found Rosh. He then greeted him. Rosh replied with a friendly smile. Jaden wandered a little while in the halls of the Massassi Temple, until he found Kyle, Jan ,Han and Chewbacca working on the Millenium Falcon. “Hi Kyle. Were are we going?” asked Jaden. “We’re going to the old planet of Geonosis. There seems to be many activity there.” answered Kyle. “Just five more minutes, and it will be ready to go.” said Jan. Jaden then went to Master Skywalker’s chambers. There he found Luke. “Hello Jaden. You have sensed it too haven’t you?” asked Luke. “Yes. There is a new Dark Side energy.” answered Jaden. “I have sensed that energy on Geonosis, and that’s why I’m sending you, Kyle, Jan and Rosh there. You shall go in the Raven’s Claw. And Jaden, be careful with the darkside.” said Luke. Jaden nodded, and got out. He went back the garage, and the Falcon was ready. Han told him to get in.C-3PO and R2 were also there.When they were all inside, Han fired up the engines, and they left Yavin. He set a course for Geonosis, and they jumped into Hyperspace. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile ,in Geonosis, a armoured person was walking. His face was covered by a hood, and he had a cape. It was Kayn. Suddenly, a Kel Dor with a lightsaber appears. “Master, the Jedi is coming to Geonosis.” said the Kel Dor. “Good Cyrus. You are dismissed” said Kayn. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile in the Falcon, Jaden was talking to Rosh. “Hi Rosh, how are you feeling?” asked Jaden. “I’m okay Jaden, you worry too much. I got my arm cut off, but now i have a new one. No biggie.” Answered Rosh. “Alright, but be careful.” Said Jaden. Suddenly, Kyle came in and told them they had arrived in Geonosis. Kyle, Han, Rosh and Jaden got out. The planet was practically deserted. Some ship wreck there and some droid wreck here, but nothing else. “I have a bad feeling about this.” Said Kyle and Han simultaneously. They walked a little until they found two Reborns with a squadron of five Storm Troopers. Han shot two in the head, and Kyle fried the remaining with a bolt of Force Lightning. Rosh threw one of his lightsabers at one of the Reborns, and it cut his hand off. Rosh then ,with his lightsabers, slew the Reborn with a Medium Kata Attack. Meanwhile, the other Reborn and Jaden were duelling, until he started Force Gripping Jaden. Jaden then countered by throwing his lightsaber at the Reborn’s throat, cutting his head off. They then found a base, hidden in the rocky mountains. After entering it, they saw the welcoming party. 5 Reborns, ready to battle with double-bladed sabers. Rate,hate,advice.Wish me luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_exile Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 well to be honest the just of the story was good, not great but good. it felt as if you really didnt want to write it, it was borring and had no feeling to it, but other then that it was good. if you would like to see some examples of work with felling just check out my fan fin http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=164383 it should help you. hell leave a remark if youd like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I like the first Chapter. Kayn and Cyrus, good Sith names. Kyle and Han are both the funny guys and I would like to see how they interact. Your Jaden sounds similar to mine. Same head, same top and same colour and same Lightsaber. The only thing that is different is the legs. I sort of feel I've inspired you to do this Fanfic. My Chapter 1 was called New Beginnings and the title is sort of similar. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Also don't change it now, but I think it would have been better if you posted this in the Coruscant Entertainment Center as more people go there (Including me). Thinking about it, where is Chewbacca? You can't have Han without Chewbacca. Oh well. I remember I was going to include Han and Chewie in Jedi Forces - Shadows Of War, but removed them, because I didn't think it was that good. I've talked too much now. Anyway looking foward to more. Hopefully the Chapters are slightly longer. I also recommend you delete the other Thread by editing your first post and press delete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 Well,jedi exile,is my first Star Wars fic,it will get better.And this one was a bit rushed.Next one will be longer and hopefully better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_exile Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 if i offended i didnt mean to, i was just trying to give some instructive critisizm. you said it was rushed, y? y didnt you just wait a little bit to post? well i reread it a couple times my mind has changed, i now like what youve done. defintly looking forward for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 No hard feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Jason, are you planning to write a Trilogy like me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_exile Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 or are you just writing a novel like me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 I don't know.Never thought of that.Maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_exile Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 i sugest making a novel and then see were you wanna go from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 Good idea.Expect Chapter 2 after Sunday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_exile Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 cant wait, but remember, take your time, make it good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 Yeah,you should never rush a fic.Just like Obsidian shouldn't have rushed KOTOR 2.Atleast make a patch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 And like I rushed my first Fanfics on LF... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 Well,here are Rosh's,Jaden's and Kyle's profiles: Name: Rosh Penin. Gender: Male. Age: Around 20's. Affiliation: Jedi/Rebel Alliance. Class: Jedi Knight. Equipment: Jedi Robe,Yellow Lightsaber,DL-44 Blaster. Homeworld: Coruscant i guess. Force Powers: Core Powers,Heal,Absorb,Protect,Mind Trick,Lightning. Master(s): Kyle Katarn. Apprentice(s): None. Name: Jaden Korr. Gender: Male. Age: Around 20's. Affiliation: Jedi/Rebel Alliance. Class: Jedi Knight. Equipment: Jedi Robe,Orange Lightsaber,DL-44 Blaster. Homeworld: Coruscant. Force Powers: Core Powers,Heal,Absorb,Protect,Mind Trick,Lightning,Grip. Master(s): Kyle Katarn. Apprentice(s): None. Name: Kyle Katarn. Gender: Male. Age: Probably around 30's. Affiliation: Jedi/Rebel Alliance. Class: Jedi Master. Equipment: Clothes,Blue Lightsaber,Blaster Rifle. Homeworld: Sulon. Force Powers: All. Master(s): None. Apprentice(s): Jaden Korr and Rosh Penin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jedi_exile Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 oh that actually helps clear things up. and its cool that a jedi has two apprentices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 Spoily Spoily! Kyle will also have another apprentice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Nice to know. To do Spoilers do a: Kyle will also have another apprentice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 Thanks.And try guess which race and gender is the apprentice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 A Male Kel Dor? Or a Female Twi'lek? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 None.Keep guessing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Human Male? Human Female? Zabrak Male? Zabrak Female? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 Right!Human Female!And it will have an interesting plot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Yes I got it right! Also this plot, will it be like: A romantic Plot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 HOLY ****!Bah,that was too predictable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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