Overheard in an Irish pub

[Mace MacLeod]

Had a little giggle the other day, thought I'd share it.

 

Was sitting in my local nursing a pint reading the paper, when at the next table a bunch of guys were talking about the IRA and the Irish Civil War. One fellow was telling the others about his grandmother who was in the IRA and buried with full military honours some years ago, when this one huge, shaven-headed English guy walks up full of piss and vinegar and says, "Oi! Two of my brothers were killed by the IRA!"

 

Cue a whole lot of sideways glances and general tension. The Irish guy who was talking about his gran started to explain, "Well, my gran was in the IRA in the 20's and 30's when they were fighting the Irish War of Independance followed by the Civil War after that where DeValera's boys were fighting with Michael Collins' boys over partition of the North, and after that they set up the Republic of Ireland in the South here, but the Brits were still in the north, long before the provos split with the regular IRA in the late 60's and took up armed revolt and Thatcher sent in the army, then along came your boys...long after my gran had stopped being any kind of participant...so...what happened to your brothers...?"

 

The English guy says with a completely straight face, "They were travelling in a lorry and a tree fell on it!"

 

Cue a thought bubble with absolutely nothing it in over heads around the pub. The Irish guy looks at him and says, "...Do you mean to tell me...that the IRA planted it...?"

 

The English guy leans over and says, "What, you heard that one before?"

[JediMaster12]

Hehehe

Nice funny.

I actually had a family member who served with Zapata. Yeah I have famous family members.

[Hayden Kered]

LOL! Sounds like that English guy had one too many.

[Sabretooth]

I could have sworn I've heard that joke before... in probably one of those Horrible History series of books.

 

But LOLz anyways, it was funny!

[Emperor Devon]

Very funny. You can run into all sorts of characters at pubs.

[RC-1162]

hehe...the poor dude must have almost let it go in his pants

[Phantom Joker]

I used to drink at a local bar here in Florida with quite a number of ex-patriot citizens of the British Isles. One of my friends was an Englishman named Nick, a good guy with some amusing stories and an off-the-wall sense of humor. One afternoon some of his fellow-ex Brits (and Welsh, and Irish...) were engrossed in a discussion of Isandhlwana and, more specifically, why the British lost to the Zulus. Reasons ranged from Lord Chelmsford's lack of respect for his enemy to overwhelming numbers to poor dispositions by the troops, etc. One of the guys looked over at Nick and knowing him to be a military history buff asked him, "Well, Nick, what do you think? Why did the British get beat at Isandhlwana?"

 

Nick took a swig of his beer and answered, with a perfectly straight face, "Simple. Lack of air support."

 

Note: to those of you not up on history, Isandhlwana was fought in 1879. A large force of Zulu tribesmen armed with spears annihilated a British force of regulars and militia supplied with the latest in firearms tech.

 

==========

 

On the subject of Irishmen in pubs. I can't claim to have written this, but it is pretty funny.

 

One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each proceeded to buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and became stuck in the thick heads.

 

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

 

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking as if nothing had happened.

 

The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, “Spit it out! SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!”

[MachineCult]

I used to drink at a local bar here in Florida with quite a number of ex-patriot citizens of the British Isles. One of my friends was an Englishman named Nick, a good guy with some amusing stories and an off-the-wall sense of humor. One afternoon some of his fellow-ex Brits (and Welsh, and Irish...) were engrossed in a discussion of Isandhlwana and, more specifically, why the British lost to the Zulus.

How exactly are they "ex-patriots" or "ex-brits"? And FYI, Wales is in Britain and technically a part of England and a good portion of Irish are also British.

 

Note: to those of you not up on history, Isandhlwana was fought in 1879. A large force of Zulu tribesmen armed with spears annihilated a British force of regulars and militia supplied with the latest in firearms tech.

Great point, there were 1,400 British soldiers and 22,000 tribesmen but whatever. It's not like we didn't win all but two of the rest of the battles of the Anglo-Zulu war and win the war in a final battle (with only slightly less overwhelming odds than Isandhlwana) in which only 10 British soldiers were killed.

 

Oh wait, we did.

[Phantom Joker]

How exactly are they "ex-patriots" or "ex-brits"? And FYI, Wales is in Britain and technically a part of England and a good portion of Irish are also British.

I once made the mistake of calling a Welshman "English" and nearly got pounded. I am well aware of the geographic and political boundries, but it appears that there's still some regional rivalries there. I merely refer to these guys as they refer to themselves. As for the "ex-pat" reference, while they are very proud of their heritage (and rather loud about it, especially when there is a game on and the beer is flowing), they are also citizens of the United States. Seems a reasonable description to me.

 

It's not like we didn't win all but two of the rest of the battles of the Anglo-Zulu war

I am also aware of that. Wasn't the point of the coversation. Nor of the post, for that matter...

[Mace MacLeod]

Might have told this one here before, but here goes anyway.

 

Once upon a time, an American tourist was enjoying a holiday in Spain. He had a great time lounging on the beaches ogling the lovely Spanish girls and drunk English girls on display, then one evening, he went into a local restaurant for dinner. As he browsed the menu for something really authentic and foreign, he was suddenly overwhelmed by the scent of some completely unfamiliar and exotic dish being carried by a passing waiter to a nearby table. This waiter set the plate down, and removed the cover with a great flourish to reveal two gigantic meatballs covered in sauce, and the diners dug in with eager relish. When his own waiter came to take his order, he said, "Hey, what's that those guys are having over there?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, those are a very special local delicacy. Those are the...eh, testicles of the bull, just from the bullfights!" The American mulled this over, and thought that this was certainly as authentic as it came, so he said, "Okay, I'll have that then!" The waiter replied, "Oh, very sorry senor, but that must be ordered one day in advance." So the American placed his order for the next day, had some paella for dinner, and returned the next day, awaiting his dinner with mouth-watering anticipation. He sat down at the table and gripped his cutlery, but when the waiter came over with his order, the cover on the plate was removed to reveal two tiny, olive-sized pieces of meat instead of the bounty he saw the day before. "What the hell is this?! That's not what I ordered!" said the American indignantly. "Ah yes senor," said the waiter sheepishly. "But you see, in the bullfights, sometimes the bull wins..."

[MachineCult]

I once made the mistake of calling a Welshman "English" and nearly got pounded. I am well aware of the geographic and political boundries, but it appears that there's still some regional rivalries there. I merely refer to these guys as they refer to themselves. As for the "ex-pat" reference, while they are very proud of their heritage (and rather loud about it, especially when there is a game on and the beer is flowing), they are also citizens of the United States. Seems a reasonable description to me.

You wouldn't call a Welshman "English" for the same reason you wouldn't call an Irish person Northern Irish, or you wouldn't call Bush a yankee, it's just incorrect.

But it depends on whether you mean a psuedo "Welsh" person who was born in the US as were their parents but their last name is Jones, or a real Welsh person born in Wales.

By all means, refer to them as they want, I just found the "ex-brit" and ex-patriot" names a little strange when any American whose ancestors moved to the US a hundred years ago from Ireland calls themselves Irish, especially when before the 1920's the whole of Ireland was part of Britain.

 

I am also aware of that. Wasn't the point of the coversation. Nor of the post, for that matter...

The point of the "Note:" part of your post was the British got owned by the Zulu, which is untrue. I simply felt obliged to point it out.

[Phantom Joker]

By all means, refer to them as they want, I just found the "ex-brit" and ex-patriot" names a little strange when any American whose ancestors moved to the US a hundred years ago from Ireland calls themselves Irish, especially when before the 1920's the whole of Ireland was part of Britain.

If I was not particularly clear, I apologize. When I refer to "ex-pats," they are either American citizens or permanant residents, but were born and raised in the British Isles.

 

 

The point of the "Note:" part of your post was the British got owned by the Zulu, which is untrue. I simply felt obliged to point it out.

The point of the Note: was to point out to those unfamiliar with Isandhlwana what happened and when. It was not a treatise on the history of British arms in southern Africa, any more than a brief mention of the Battle of First Bull Run would be intended to encompass the whole of the American Civil War.