Anakin Skywalker Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Wow! That's a good Prolouge and First Chapter LDB, you are truely talented in the Arts of the Dark Side.... lol. Good job seriously though, can't wait to see more... all I can say at the current state is welcome to Hell
Hayden Kered Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 I'm glad you liked it! I will start chapter 2 later tonight, and maybe be able to post it by next sunday, or sooner.
CSI Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Good chapter though. Keep up. BTW, I agree with RSM, you and him are indeed very talented in Dark Side.
The_Catto Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Great start to the story LDB, looking forward to the next chapter!!!
Diego Varen Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Very good start, LDB and I like your Fic so far. Hopefully for Christmas, I might get the Darth Bane book, but this will be a good replacement at the moment. A suggestion though would be to have the Prologue and the Chapters in different posts. The writer is allowed to double post in the CEC. Looking foward to more LDB.
Hayden Kered Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Pottsie said: A suggestion though would be to have the Prologue and the Chapters in different posts. So should I go ahead and do this then?
Diego Varen Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Lord Darth Bane said: So should I go ahead and do this then? Not now, since it looks alright, but when you have two or more Chapters to post, do them in different posts and if you finish this Fic, when you post the finished version, seperate both the Prologue and Chapter 1. Other than that, your Fic is really good.
Hayden Kered Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Pottsie said: Not now, since it looks alright, but when you have two or more Chapters to post, do them in different posts and if you finish this Fic, when you post the finished version, seperate both the Prologue and Chapter 1. Other than that, your Fic is really good. Well thanks for the info, and I'm glad you like it. I have just started on chapter 2, and I already have an idea for chapter 3. So you could expect to see chapter 2 some time this week.
HK-42 Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Good fic Bane, is this the sequel to the book. If it is good. the bok was good.
Hayden Kered Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 I really never thought it to be a sequel to the book, but it should be! Chapter 2 is coming out great, and is well on its way.
HK-42 Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Well it makes since. It could be Your sequel to it. Bane in the book found Rain who was a girl, and made her his apprentice. Darth Zannah is a girl. Zannah could = Rain.
Hayden Kered Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Darth Grivis said: Well it makes since. It could be Your sequel to it. Bane in the book found Rain who was a girl, and made her his apprentice. Darth Zannah is a girl. Zannah could = Rain. Rain IS Zannah. Rain was just her nick name from when her and her cousins lived on Somov Rit. According to legend on Somov Rit the mythological beast called the Swamp Demon would swallow anyone who said their real name aloud. Since Zannah was better known by her nick name Bane used her real name as a way to conceal her true identity.
Balderdash Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Rain is Zannah. She calls herself that in the Jedi vs. Sith comic, Grivis. It's not this guy's original name. Pretty good first chapter, but it seems to me that it jumps into the story a bit too quickly. You need to set the scene a little better. Maybe in the next chapter. Two things: - There were a few errors, didn't see any spellings but there are missing words and stuff. You could do with reading through it a few times. - Darth Rivan is far too much like Darth Revan. It's not very original and it could be confusing for people.
Anakin Skywalker Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 yeah, i though it was a simple misspelling of my name....
Hayden Kered Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 \ said: Pretty good first chapter, but it seems to me that it jumps into the story a bit too quickly. You need to set the scene a little better. Maybe in the next chapter. I felt that way when writing it, but I am happy with the way it came out. I just didn't want to spend alot of time on Ziost. Things will start slowing down in the story. \ said: There were a few errors, didn't see any spellings but there are missing words and stuff. You could do with reading through it a few times. I ran a spell and grammar checker on the story before posting. Please tell me if words are missing, since me being the writer it is dificult to see mistakes. \ said: Darth Rivan is far too much like Darth Revan. It's not very original and it could be confusing for people. This has been a problem for alot of people, and I hope to clear it up in my story.
CSI Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Sometimes spell checkers fail to tip out your mistakes. Like my fic, CSI series, I ran spell check, but they can't pick up my mistakes, and a lot of people tell me that I made mistakes in my fic... Keep up, nice avartar.
Hayden Kered Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 CSI: Nihilus said: Sometimes spell checkers fail to tip out your mistakes. Like my fic, CSI series, I ran spell check, but they can't pick up my mistakes, and a lot of people tell me that I made mistakes in my fic... Keep up, nice avartar. Yeah, then the checkers try to make changes that are not needed.
Anakin Skywalker Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 As a Dark Force user like you, if you want, you could PM me the story and i'll proof read it and make sure there are no mistakes, if you want me to. But if not then ok... if you want me to, then PM me.
Hayden Kered Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 ^^^ Sounds good. I'll send you something when I get more done.
HK-42 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 did you ever decide how your going to get your crystal?
Anakin Skywalker Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 yeah he did, he's gonna synthesis it. to make the process more of a ritual
Hayden Kered Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 ^^^ Yeap! I have something special planned for it. A heads up to every one that has already read the prologue and first chapter, I have decided to revise chapter 1 by adding new details, and more activities. I have also decided to merge what I have got writen for chapter 2 with chapter 1. I've got alot of new ideas and will surely get them out. Keep watching my first post for the big change.
Hayden Kered Posted December 22, 2006 Author Posted December 22, 2006 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I have revised my Fanfic. The Prologue and the Revised version of chapter one is up and ready. Please enjoy and let me know of any mistakes.
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