[short fic]Eternal Darkness

[Rabish Bini]

This was supposed to be the final battle of my fic, The Unexpected Dark Lord. But, since I have abandoned that fic, i'll just post the final battle as a seperate fic. Enjoy!

 

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Eternal Darkness - The Final Showdown

 

Revan walked into the large circular room where The Exile, Rick, now known as Darth Arriadar, was waiting.

"Ah, Revan, you finally came." He said. He was trying to catch Revan off guard. Revan didn't give him that chance.

"Rick," Said Revan, "You can still be redeemed, come back to the light."

"No Revan, the Dark Side is mine now, you could've had it's power, you could've been my apprentice, but now, you must die." Darth Arriadar ignited his lightsaber. Revan did the same.

"And now we shall see who is the more powerful, and more fit to rule the Galaxy. Say goodbye, Revan."

Arriadar dived at Revan with his blade in the air, he swung it down, Revan rolled out of the way.

"Don't do this Rick. End this madness here." Arriadar didn't answer, he just kept attacking, he swung his lightsaber multiple times at Revan, but he blocked them all and countered with his own flurry.

"Why do you persist Revan? When you know you will lose!" He swung at Revan's head, trying to decapitate him.

"I fight for goodness, Light will always prevail over Darkness." But Arriadar did not budge. He ducked under Revan's lightsaber and jumped backwards. He sent a wave of Force Lightning at Revan, he moved out of the way, but not quickly enough, it scraped Revan's arm forcing him to drop his lightsaber. He fell to his knees. Arriadar walked over to him.

"And now, you will face your doom Revan." Arriadar raised his lightsaber in the air. Revan was desperate, he needed something, but there was nothing. So he did the only thing he could. He lifted up his hand and Force choked Arriadar.

"Your tyranny must end!" He launched Arriadar across the room, almost throwing him into the lava that surrounds it. Revan walked across the room, his eyes yellow, he was giving in, even though he didn't want to. He managed to hold it back. But it was still eating away at him. "Return to the Light Rick, or suffer the consequences." Arriadar shot up in a desperate attempt to defeat Revan. Revan sighed. He turned around and struck Arriadar in the heart. He let out a scream, before falling to the ground. Revan softly swore to never use the Dark Side again. He turned around to leave. As he did, Arriadar's old apprentice, Matgr, stood in his way. Revan stiffened.

"You think you've won Revan?" He said. "You are a FOOL!" He ignioted his double-bladed lightsaber straight into Revan's gut. Revan's mouth opened. At this moment, Bastila came rushing through the door.

"REVAN!" She screamed, but there was nothing she could do. Revan was gone. Matgr turned around to face Bastila.

"I have won. Now you shall bow before me!" He didn't realise that Atton was sneaking up behind him. Atton pulled out his blaster and killed Matgr. Bastila ran over to Revan's body. With his last few breath's he said:

"Bastila, I love you." Bastila broke out in tears. Revan was no more. They headed back to Coruscant.

 

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Hope you enjoyed it. Here are a few thanks:

Darth Arriadar's name is credited to Sabretooth.

The ship "Escalade" which Mission and Atton used is off the car.

Anyone who read my original fic and who replyed.

[CSI]

Hey, no problem! Actually, I love your fic, both long one and short one. Keep up and I look forward to see more fic coming up! Got a sneak preview for upcoming fic?

[Rabish Bini]

Thanks. And I don't know what my next fics going to be about. I know it's going to be a shortie though.

[JediMaster12]

This was a good idea, angsty and sad. I do think that it is a bit rushed in terms of your action sequences. You don't introduce your characters in a manner that flows evenly. I was left wondering at how did Atton pop in there? If you had said that your baddie was so preoccupied with Bastila that he didn't notice a shadow lurking in the corner, then I would be satisified. Something like that draws in a reader and keeps them ensnared with the suspense od who it is. Then the next paragraph would introduce Atton lurking there, waiting for his chance. It would give you an opportunity to put in how he is feeling, the thoughts in his head, the things that make Atton, Atton.

As for the posting, it probably would have been better if you had posted the post with spaces between each line of dialogue. It allows some of us forumites with bad eye sight to see what you wrote since the text is in white. Also leave it in the font that is the default for the forum unless it is necessary like a dream or vision.

 

I hope this doesn't discourage you from writing but this is based upon what I have received in critique and what I have observed with other writers. Keep writing. I know you can't satisfy all your readers but do take into account the general limitations that people have. Good luck.

[Diego Varen]

Very good shortie Akuma. You could still post this in your Fic, since I posted one of my shorties as a Chapter in my Fic.

[Rabish Bini]

I could've done that Pottsie, but it's already done, unless a mod moves it.

 

@JM12 - No, it won't discourage me, and I guess I did rush the battle, but I was sleepy, so I couldn't think properly.

[KotO[REvan]]

That fight did't seem rushed in my opinion. If you think about it, really, lightsaber fights would be over very quick. But besides that, great job. Another good Fic to read. I thought it funny how Revan just died so suddenly though, after he just was triumphant against the Exile.

 

Which reminds me of a funny video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw1SbW7UTnY

 

Similar to what you've just posted.

Keep up the good work.

[Rabish Bini]

Thanks for the opinion KotO[REvan]. And that's a pretty good video.