[FIC] The Prodigal Jedi

[JediAthos]

Since my first fic is now finished I have decided to begin posting my second while I edit the first one for posting in the archives. As always, I hope I have written an entertaining story.

 

 

 

Star Wars: Prodigal Jedi

 

It is a time of great conflict for the Republic, the Clone War rages throughout

the galaxy, but an end is coming perhaps sooner than anyone thinks. On Corellia, a world relatively untouched by the fires of war, a young CorSec officer flashes back to his past, a past that will soon come back to haunt him…..

 

Prolouge: Jedi Lost

 

My green lightsaber sparked and flashed as I brought it up to meet the menacing red blade of my attacker, and I backpedaled trying to regain my balance after the ambush. The hooded, masked figure had come out of nowhere and attack me in the last place I ever expected it, inside the walls of the Corellian Jedi Academy. I had no idea who he was or how he got here and right that second I didn’t care.

 

I dropped into the defensive stance my Master had taught me as the attacker came at me again. I was ready for him this time and parried his thrust easily, but he struck again at my off hand and I turned him aside. Swordsmanship was not my specialty as my Master reminded me time and again, but I didn’t have a choice at that moment as I deflected another strike. If I didn’t do something whoever it was would certainly kill me. I went on the offensive striking at the figure’s saber arm, but the strike was blocked. I reversed striking at the off hand but his defense held, and he countered swinging at my head. With the Force guiding me I ducked and swung my saber at his legs literally cutting them out from under him. His scream echoed through the halls as he fell, and I moved off preparing to defend myself again, but there was no need. He fell and did not move again. As I extinguished my lightsaber Master Si Leone, a beautiful blue skinned Twi’lek female and my Master, and Master Jorus Tirith, a human, came running toward me with lightsabers ready. As they approached and saw the scene they switched off their blades.

 

“Athos, what has happened here?” Si Leone asked me.

 

“He attacked me Master; I was forced to defend myself.”

 

Master Tirith walked over to the fallen attacker and pulled away the mask and hood.

 

“Master Leone, this is...”

 

“Khan Lin.” I finished for him.

 

I knew Khan well; he had been my roommate and my friend. As I looked at him lying dead on the cold floor of the academy a wave of sadness and regret washed over me that I was unable to control.

 

“I sense your sadness Padawan Thorin,” Si Leone said looking at me “but if you defended yourself as you said then you have done nothing wrong, and have nothing to regret.”

 

“I understand Master, but Padawan Lin was my friend at one time.”

 

“It appears that your ‘friend’ had lost his way Padawan.” Master Tirith stated coldly as he lit the red lightsaber and examined it. “This is the mark of a dark Jedi.”

 

“You may return to your quarters Athos. Master Tirith and I will take care of Khan Lin and stand the remainder of the night watch.”

 

“Yes Master Leone,” I replied bowing.

 

Sleep did not come to me that night and for many nights after that. Then came the inquiry of the Corellian Jedi Council. Master Tirith and Master Leone were present as well as Master Karyn Sol the head of the academy. I stood before them in the council chamber hoping that they couldn’t sense the fear and sadness I felt but knowing that there was probably no way for me to hide it.

 

“Padawan Thorin, we have examined the security holos from the night in question,” Master Sol began, “and we have seen the events as they happened.”

 

“We know that Khan Lin attacked first and that you had no choice in your actions,” Si Leone said.

 

“For that reason, we find you have no fault in the events that resulted in Padawan Lin’s death, and you will be permitted to remain in the Order and complete your training,” Master Sol stated, “You are dismissed.”

 

“Thank you Masters,” I replied as I bowed, and then I left the chamber.

 

Even the Masters telling me Khan’s death wasn’t my fault couldn’t let me forget what had happened. I had killed a friend, and something in my mind would not let me write it off. After many more sleepless nights I asked for an audience with the Council. My request was granted, but when I walked in the chamber that morning I received a surprise. Along with the three Masters from the academy there was a fourth Jedi present, Master Yoda himself! I stood frozen in the doorway of the room, hesitating.

 

“Come in Padawan Thorin,” Master Sol bade me.

 

Trepidation filled me as I entered the chamber and walked forward until I was standing in front of the assembled Jedi Masters.

 

“Thank you for honoring my request Masters,” I began bowing.

 

To my surprise, it was Yoda that answered me.

 

“Requested an audience with this council you have Padawan, why?”

 

“Masters, the death of Khan Lin weighs on my mind. I find that I am restless, and unable to sleep or concentrate on my studies.”

 

“We have told you that you have no fault in that incident,” Si Leone said.

 

“I understand Master, but...”

 

“But consumed you it has,” Yoda said finishing my thought.

 

“Yes Master Yoda and I feel that it would be best if I left the Order.”

 

“You believe that you will find your peace outside the Order Athos?” asked Sol.

 

“I don’t know Master; I only know that I cannot stay.”

 

“Taken lightly this decision cannot be,” said Yoda “Difficult will you find it outside these walls. So certain are you that this is what you wish?”

 

I nodded “Yes Master, I must do this.”

 

The little green Jedi Master looked at me intently as if he was searching for something and then I thought I could see sadness in his eyes.

 

“Then respect your decision this council will, if change your mind we cannot.”

 

“You may leave whenever you wish,” said Master Sol “but you must surrender your lightsaber to us.”

 

I reached for the weapon, but Yoda held up a hand.

 

“No. Keep his weapon he should, need it again he may.”

 

“But Master Yoda,” Tirith said speaking for the first time “He will no longer be a Jedi.”

 

“Perhaps Master Tirith, but all things are not as they seem,” he turned back to me, “Dismissed you are.”

 

***

[Daft Adidas]

Wow nice story there JA that is very nice. You used Yoda in it which was good and had some good names as masters. They speak like real Masters would. I hope there are more chapters because i really like your fic. Keep it up.

[JediMaster12]

Good introduction to a potentional good adventure. The grammar usage for Yoda fall well into his character. As a suggestion, I suggest that you leave thoughts and dream sequences in Italics. With this segment, there is no indication that it is a dream or a memory. What I would have done was place the introduction into italics and leave the rest as normal font, no italics. Keep in mind that some of the forumite here are over 21 and can have eye problems. I'm 22 and I am nearsighted.

 

You did good in spacing your dialogue out so that there is a distinction between who is talking. You are also descriptive in the emotions and feeling of the time and I suggest that you continue to utilize it. Good description leaves for good impresions and gives satisfaction that you are developing your characters.

 

The cliffhanger you leave with Yoda saying that your Padawan may need his saber though he is not part of the Jed Order is good. Good suspense and cliffhangers leave the reader begging for more. Though in Pottsie's case you have to dangle the flying manuscript

 

Overall you have a good start and it is thorough. As a word of caution, I suggest that you take your time. Just remember that this isn't a movie but a fic. It is important that the reader has a firm grasp of the world you are trying to create and that comes through good description and your discretion. For more help, look at the Good Tips for a Fanfic thread located in the Resource Center forum. I hope this helps and encourages you to write more. A writer writes because they want to and it is something that they can think about doing when they wake up in the morning. Good Luck.

[JediAthos]

Chapter 1: False Truth

 

Athos! Hey, Athos you awake?”

 

I looked around and realized that I was not back at the Jedi Academy, but sitting next to my partner Sia Vasch in our Corellian Security or CorSec patrol craft. I looked over at Sia, who is about my age with short blonde hair, and blue eyes that I’ve always found fascinating. Right at this moment she was looking at me like I was crazy.

 

“You know, I really hate it when you zone out like that.”

 

“Sorry Si.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” she replied shaking her head.

 

Sia pushed the patrol unit forward and banked over Coronet’s spaceport as we continued our daily patrol route. As she piloted the unit over the open landing pads I thought again about the Jedi Academy. It had been almost ten years to the day since I walked away from the Order. The first month had been difficult for me. The Jedi had given me what help they could in finding somewhere to stay and even offered me work in the Jedi Service Corps which I turned down feeling it best to distance myself from the Jedi altogether. Soon after that I found CorSec.

 

I breezed through the CorSec academy relying primarily on my Jedi training to help me while trying to hide my Force abilities from my instructors. Sia was in my class and we were assigned to the Coronet precinct after graduation. We arrived together, and after a year we were made partners. Since then, we had been inseparable and made quite a name for ourselves when we broke up a major smuggling operation that had been running out of Coronet’s Entertainment District.

 

“Shift is almost over Athos,” Sia said glancing at her chronometer, “time to go home.”

 

She guided the patrol craft passed the capital building, and pointed us toward CorSec HQ.

 

“So, how long do you think this war will last Athos?”

 

“I don’t know Si, I guess until the Republic gets the Separatists under control.”

 

“Well, they got Count Dooku, what more do they want?”

 

“General Grievous would be my guess.”

 

“Right, well I hope the get him soon.”

 

“Me too Si.”

 

She eased the patrol craft back into its berth and we stepped out, and with a wave we parted ways. I go home after every shift, and Sia goes to the blaster range. I hate blasters, and while every CorSec officer carries one I’ve never used mine. I guess there are just parts of my Jedi training that stuck with me.

 

I took the subway from CorSec HQ to my meager apartment. As I walked in the motion activated lights came on and I glanced over at my lightsaber hanging on the wall. Had I been right to leave the Order? I had thought so at the time, but some days I wondered where I’d be if I had stayed with the Jedi.

 

“Probably on some pit of a planet slicing up droids,” I said to the empty apartment.

 

This cursed war had touched so many planets in the Republic, but thankfully Corellia wasn’t one of them…yet. There were a couple of Republic cruisers in orbit, but they pretty much stayed out of business planetside. I sighed as I stepped into the refresher. A long day on patrol and all this thinking had drained me. I needed to relax, and a good night’s sleep.

 

I woke to the enunciator on my door sounding.

 

“What the hell,” I groaned “This is my day off!”

 

I threw back the blanket and grabbed my robe off a hook by the bed. Without thinking I grabbed my blaster and hid it underneath my robe. I may not like blasters, but CorSec officers aren’t going to win any popularity contests on Corellia either. I stood back from the door and called on the Force, yes I still use my abilities from time to time, to push the door release. The door slid back and revealed Sia standing on the other side in her street clothes. I instantly knew something was wrong, Sia never comes to my apartment.

 

“Athos, have you heard?!”

 

“Calm down Si, heard what?”

 

“The Jedi tried to kill Chancellor Palpatine! He’s declared all Jedi traitors and enemies of the State!”

 

“What? That’s crazy! The Jedi aren’t killers! They believe in peace!”

 

I stepped outside and glanced toward the Academy off in the distance. Nothing appeared to be amiss.

 

“What are you thinking?” Sia asked.

 

“I’m thinking I need to go to the academy.”

 

“If you go there you’ll be consorting with traitors.”

 

I shot Sia the sternest look I could muster. “Sia, don’t ever say that again. The Jedi are and always have been protectors, not killers, and certainly not traitors to the Republic. Something isn’t right here, and you know it.”

 

“I’m sorry Athos, it’s just a lot to take in, and I’m a little scared.”

 

“Look Si, go home. I’m gonna go over to the Academy and find out what’s going on.”

 

“ No way, I’m coming with you.”

 

I sighed knowing there was no way I was going to convince her otherwise.

 

“Look, go get into uniform and meet me back here in twenty.”

 

“You got it.”

 

As I changed I tried to figure out just what the hell was happening. I knew damn well the Jedi hadn’t tried to kill anyone. The only thing I could figure out is that someone had it out for the Jedi, and set them up. From what Sia said, things were sure to get really ugly for any Jedi really fast. I had to get to the academy before something really bad happened and figure out the truth.

 

Twenty minutes later Sia and I were headed for the academy in her private speeder. I had decided against borrowing one from headquarters on our day off, it would look suspicious. We pulled up to the academy and to me the place looked eerily quiet and deserted compared to what I remembered. We entered and approached the human man who was at the security station.

 

“Can I help you officers,” he greeted us

 

“CorSec Officers Thorin and Vasch to see Master Sol.”

 

“I’m afraid Master Sol is no longer here.”

 

“What about Master Si Leone?”

 

“Yes, Master Leone is here. You may find her in the council chamber. If you will proceed down-

 

“I know the way” I said abruptly cutting him off.

 

Sia gave me a funny look as we walked past the security station and down the main corridor of the academy.

 

“How do you know your way around here Athos?”

 

I had never told anyone besides the head of the CorSec Academy about my Jedi background. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of it, it was more that I was afraid of how people would react. Oh well, no time like the present.

 

“I used to live here Si.”

 

“What? Wait, so you’re a..”

 

“Former Jedi,” I finished for her “I left the Order right before I joined CorSec.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Long story, and maybe some day I’ll tell you, but not right now.”

 

We stopped at the entrance to the council chamber. I flashed back to ten years prior when I stood at this very spot. I remembered the fear I’d felt then to be facing the Masters. I decided there was no point reliving it now, and I stepped through the doors with Sia behind me. Master Leone was sitting cross-legged on the floor in what I recognized as a meditation posture. She was as beautiful as I remembered, and her eyes opened as we entered.

 

“What is the meaning of this intrusion?”

 

“Has it been so long that you have forgotten your prodigal padawan Master?”

 

She looked at me intently and then I saw the recognition in her eyes as she smiled.

 

“Athos, is it truly you?”

 

“Yes Master, it is me.”

 

“You are a welcome sight in these troubled times, and who is this?”

 

“Master Si Leone, my partner, Sia Vasch. Why are you the only one here Master? Where are Masters Tirith, and Sol, and the students?”

 

“Jorus, and Karyn were called to fight in the war, and after last night’s events I fear the worst. There have been almost no students since the war began. It has only been I here maintaining the academy until the war’s end.”

 

“So what I heard is true then?”

 

“Yes, I’m afraid so. Jedi are dying, I can feel it in the Force.”

 

“What will you do?”

 

“I will remain here, it is my duty, and I have nowhere else to go.”

 

“If they come for you?”

 

“I will not go without a fight.”

 

“There is nothing I can do to change your mind?”

 

“No, this is where I belong.”

 

“Master, if you need anything, please contact me at CorSec headquarters.”

 

“Farewell Athos.”

 

“Goodbye Master.”

 

Sia followed me out of the chamber and stopped me when we got into the corridor.

 

“You’re going to just leave her here?”

 

“I can’t force her to leave Sia.”

 

“You could arrest her.”

 

“Not even if I wanted to Si. Have you ever seen a Jedi Master fight?”

 

“No.”

 

“Pray you never have to. Let’s go.”

[Daft Adidas]

one hell of a story? Good nice story. 10/10 from both chapters. Keep it up!

[The_Catto]

Nice start, Athos! i wonder if it will be as good as the last one.

Awaiting for the next chapter

[JediMaster12]

That was good for a chapter. I noticed that you are writing in the first person. From experience, I know that is the hardest to write in. You are doing a good job so far and you are keeping it realistic in terms of who is seeing what. What caught me off guard was that you didn't indicate if it was a new chapter or not. It is up to you as to how you want to post your chapters but It is a good idea to indicate which chapter it is. However your idea reminds me of some clips I heard on old radio broadcasts of stories in the 1920's and the like. Other than that, your writing is well, no obvious grammar and spelling errors.

 

PS: I got your PM and you're welcome

[JediAthos]

Chapter 2: Confessions

 

Sia and I rode in silence back to my apartment. As I climbed out of the speeder she turned to me.

 

“Are you gonna be okay Athos?”

 

“I don’t know Si, like you said, this is a lot to take in.”

 

“You want some company?”

 

Part of me wanted to tell Sia to go home, and keep her at an arms length. That was the same part of me that helped isolate me from everyone except Sia for the last ten years. The other part of me was confused and even a little scared. I knew the events on Coruscant were no doubt going to change the face of history.

 

“Sure, come on in.”

 

Sia parked the speeder, and met me at the door. We entered, and Sia stopped. I followed her gaze to the wall where my lightsaber was hanging.

 

“Is that?”

 

“My lightsaber.”

 

“So you really were a Jedi?”

 

“I was a Padawan, yes.”

 

“So, why did you leave?”

 

“It’s a long story.”

 

“I’ve got time,” she replied with a faint smile.

 

She was right, time was one thing we both had. It had been a long time since I’d told anyone about the night that led to my departure from the Order. So, I decided that it was time to purge this particular demon and I told Sia the whole story. When I finished she looked at me sympathetically.

 

“I can understand why you wouldn’t want to talk about that Athos. If I ever had to raise a weapon to a friend, I wouldn’t either.”

 

“I still relive it Si. Not every night, but when I do it’s bad, even after ten years.”

 

She laid a hand on my shoulder.

 

“That would be enough to mess anyone up Athos.”

Suddenly, the look on her face changed from sympathy to concern.

 

“What if they come for you?”

 

“Who?”

 

“The Imperials, what if they think you’re still a Jedi, they’ll try to kill you.”

 

I hadn’t really thought about it that way. She was right, if for some reason the Empire believed me to still be a Jedi I could very well be on their hit list.

 

“I suppose it’s possible.”

 

“You should leave Athos, hide somewhere they can’t find you.”

 

“You’ve known me for ten years Sia. When have you known me to run away from anything?”

 

“Never.”

 

“Then you know I can’t run from this either.”

 

“This is your life you’re talking about!”

 

I could tell she was getting upset, and I tried to reassure her.

 

“I can take care of myself.”

 

“I just don’t want to lose you…I…I love you.”

 

I looked in her eyes, and could see the tears beginning to form. I had no idea that she felt that strongly about me. Maybe it had always been there, and I just never noticed. There had always been a bond between Sia and I. From the day we met at the academy through ten years of running in the scum of Corellia. She was my partner and my only real friend in the galaxy. At that moment, looking in her eyes, I felt something that somewhere deep inside I knew had been there all along. I took her hand in mine.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, and you’re not going to lose me…and I love you too.”

 

Sia laid her head on my shoulder and we sat on the couch for a long time. She didn’t leave my apartment and for the first time since I left the Jedi, I felt like I wasn’t completely alone.

 

A week later we were getting ready for our shift, and the explosion we heard was nearly deafening.

 

“What the hell was that?!” Sia exclaimed.

 

We rushed outshide and that’s when I both saw and felt it at the same time. Smoke rose from the Jedi Academy, and the pain I felt in my chest told me that my old master, Si Leone, had met her fate. Sia touched my arm and pointed to the sky

 

“Look.”

 

I followed her outstrechted arm and that was when I saw them, dropships. The Empire had finally come to Corellia. With smoke pouring from the academy I knew what troops were in those dropships. Everyone had heard of them by now, Jedi Hunters, Vader’s Fist, the 501st Legion. Everyone also knew that where the 501st went, Darth Vader was close behind.

 

“I don’t think we should go to work Si. I’m not even sure there’s work to go to.”

 

I couldn’t have been any closer to the truth. Stormtroopers secured CorSec HQ that day morning. An Imperial officer relieved Colonel Kor Salan, our boss, of his duties. Sia and I watched it unfold on the Corellian news net. We watched the footage until we heard the blaster fire.

 

“Did you hear that?”

 

“I wish I hadn’t.”

 

I got up to stick my head outside the door.

 

“Be careful,” Sia whispered.

 

The door opened and I cold see the Stormtroopers, a small number of them, moving through our apartment complex. A pit rose in my stomach, I had a bad feeling that I knew what they were looking for, or more accurately, who. I turned to Sia,

 

“We have to get out of here, or at least I do. I can’t ask you to come with me.”

 

“You know damn well I won’t leave you.”

 

I knew it, but I wished it wasn’t true. I didn’t want to endanger Sia, but I realized that even by associating with me she was already in danger. Something in my brain switched into protective mode, I had to get her out of here.

 

“Si, we’ll need a ship. Do they still keep the corvettes at the spaceport?”

 

“Are you nuts? We can’t handle anything that big, let along get it pas the ships in orbit.”

 

“Okay, you’re right, we’ll have to figure it out later. Let’s get some things and head for the spaceport. Maybe we can find something smaller.”

 

We grabbed a couple of overnight bags and filled them with some basic clothes. Last, but not least I grabbed my lightsaber off the wall and clipped it to my belt. It felt awkward wearing it again after all these years, and then I remembered what Master Yoda had said.

 

“Keep his weapon he should, need it again he may.”

 

Had Yoda foreseen my future? I didn’t know, but if he had, he’d been right.

 

“Okay, let’s get out of here Si.”

 

“Right behind you.”

 

As we started to move a pound came on the door.

 

“Open up in there!”

 

I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to put Sia in danger, but the troops on the other side of the door were between us and our only way out.

[JediMaster12]

Another chapter, or portion...whatever you want to call it.

 

OK. You have done well in speaking of the first person. I still think you can do more to promote certain scenes like the one where Sia confesses to Athos. I would have liked to see more of a reluctant, a bit of tension because it is not easy confessing that you love someone, though I am not an expert on that.

 

“Who?”

 

“The Imperials, what if they think you’re still a Jedi, they’ll try to kill you.”

To be honest I would have done something like this: "Who?" I knew the answer but I felt the need to hear it from someone else.

 

That gives more character insight as to what Athos is thinking. He knows and suspects, we all do but we deny it to ourselves. When others point it out, it makes us willing to listen.

 

I hadn’t really thought about it that way. She was right, if for some reason the Empire believed me to still be a Jedi I could very well be on their hit list.

 

“I suppose it’s possible.”

I would combine this together seeing as it is the same person who is speaking. A transitional phrase into the dialogue would be something like: I gave a slight shrug and alllowed, "I suppose it's possible."

 

“You should leave Athos, hide somewhere they can’t find you.”

With this you could add the description like: I noticed a faint sense of desperation and concern in her eyes. Little descriptors like that paint the picture more vividly and gives a better idea the plot intent that you want. Writing is a means of describing what cannot be seen. In a way, we are blind and the writer's words paint the image in the mind.

 

I hope this helps and encourages you to try different thigns to help discover your personal style. I note that you have a clearly defined direction that you want to take this fic in and I wish you luck along the way.

[JediAthos]

Chapter 3: Escape

 

“Open up, or we’ll blast it open.”

 

I didn’t doubt it. I tried to figure out how we were going to get out of this. I knew what would happen if we got caught, they’d torture us for information, or simply just execute us and that was not an option. I fingered my lightsaber; it had been years since I’d wielded the weapon. The doubt filled me just as it had the day I asked to leave the Jedi. Could I still use it? Would I even stand a chance against the stormtroopers? I didn’t know the answers to those questions, but I did know that I didn’t have a choice. Keeping my hand on the weapon I opened the door. On the other side were four stormtroopers, and the lead one looked at Sia and at our CorSec uniforms and addressed me.

 

“We’re looking for a Jedi, and we’ll need to search your apartment.”

 

“I’m afraid not,” I replied hoping that stormtroopers couldn’t sense fear.

 

“We will search your apartment, now stand aside.”

 

The trooper started to brush by me, but didn’t get very far. I ignited my lightsaber and at that range it pierced his chest plate as it turned on. I drew it back as cries of “Jedi!” came from the other troopers. They started to raise their weapons but it was too late. I was moving like I was possessed and my fear was gone. My movements were as fluid as if I’d never put down my lightsaber. As the last trooper fell I extinguished the blade and clipped it back to my belt. Sia was staring, unable to speak, I grabbed her arm.

 

“Later Si, c’mon!”

 

We used Sia’s speeder and the backstreets of Coronet to make our way to the spaceport. As we pulled up toward the spaceport there were hundreds of people milling around. Some were civilians trying to get off of Corellia, but most were stormtroopers, and Imperial officers. We left the speeder and I could still see some CorSec officers moving around among the stormtroopers, I said as much to Sia.

 

“Looks like some of our people are still working.”

 

“I see them; I just hope we can to the bays.”

 

We moved through the spaceport, and thankfully no one questioned us which I attributed to our uniforms, and I just prayed that our luck continued. As we approached the CorSec docking bays we came across a checkpoint. There were two CorSec officers I didn’t recognize, two squads of stormtroopers and an Imperial officer. It was the officer who stopped us as we approached.

 

“Stop right there, where are you going?”

 

My mind whirled trying to come up with a bluff he would believe.

 

“Extra security for the bays.”

 

“I didn’t request any extra security.”

 

He’s not buying it I thought to myself. This was not looking good at all.

 

“Someone must have, they sent us over from HQ.”

 

He looked from me to Sia and back at me again. I could see him trying to figure out if I was lying or telling him the truth. If this didn’t work we were going to have to find another way off the planet. Four stormtroopers were one thing, but I couldn’t handle ten, I almost sighed audibly when he finally replied.

 

“Very well, report in every hour.”

 

I nodded and snapped off my best salute “Yes Sir.”

 

He let us by and we kept walking until we were well out of range of the checkpoint and then Sia stopped me.

 

“Gods, I thought we were dead.”

 

“I wasn’t so sure myself. I didn’t think that officer was going to buy my story.”

 

“Neither did I, and just what the hell was that display you put on back at the apartment?”

 

“I had to do something, if they caught us, they’d have killed us Si.”

 

She nodded, “I guess you’re right, so what’s the plan?”

 

“We need a ship, something small and fast with a hyperdrive. Think they’ve got anything like that around here?”

 

I could see Sia’s mind working. Somehow she always managed to keep up with what went on at CorSec, and she was a pilot so if there was anything here we could use she’d know. Suddenly she snapped her fingers

 

“I’ve got it! The new Skipray blastboats, I need a computer terminal.”

 

She looked around, and finally spotted one near the doors to one of the bays. She ran over to it with me in tow and used her clearance to access the ship manifest.

 

“Here they are! Bays 32, 33 and 34.”

 

“Alright, let’s go.”

 

We passed up the larger bays and their CorSec guards. No one questioned us as we moved by them accepting us for what we appeared to be, CorSec officers on patrol. We didn’t encounter out next obstacle until we reached our target. We walked toward docking bay 32 where two officers from our unit were stationed. Shaden Ginn and Abano Ghent were partners that had been together longer than Sia and I and had patrolled Coronet’s corporate sector. They instantly recognized both of us with Ginn seeing us first.

 

“Athos, Sia! What are you two doing here? You didn’t come into work today.”

 

I didn’t particularly like having to lie to Shaden. Hw was a good man and a fine officer, but I sure as hell couldn’t tell him the truth.

 

“We were late; they sent us over when we got in. We’re on a roving patrol, mind if I inspect the bay?”

 

Shaden looked confused “They didn’t tell us anything about a roving patrol, and they said no one gets in the bays without authorization.”

 

It looked like the time for bluffing was over. Sia was two steps ahead of me, and she drew her blaster and leveled it at Ginn. He looked at her and made move for his own weapon.

 

“Don’t Shaden,” she warned showing no emotion “I don’t want to shoot you, but I will. Blasters on the deck, both of you, now.”

 

The partners tossed their side arms down and Ginn looked at Sia.

 

“What’s goin on Sia? Why are you doing this?”

 

“Sorry Shaden,” I said “We don’t have time to explain. Open the bay.”

 

“No way Athos.”

 

“It wasn’t a request Shaden,” Sia said menacingly “Open it!”

 

Shaden didn’t budge. We didn’t have time for this; we needed to get to those ships. I lit my lightsaber.

 

“Open the bay; I’m not going to ask again.”

 

Shaden’s eyes got huge as he stared at the glowing green blade.

 

“O-okay.”

 

He punched a few commands into the control panel by the doors and they slid open. There, ready for flight, were three new Skipray blastboats. I had heard of these gunships. CorSec had ordered them, but hadn’t finished training their pilots yet and it looked like Sia and I were about to get a crash course. I extinguished my lightsaber and Sia collected the two men’s blasters and tucked them into her belt. She looked at our former comrades.

 

“I’m sorry guys, I really am.”

 

Sia fired two shots and both men sagged to the ground.

 

“Stun,” she explained, “can’t have them calling us in. C’mon.”

 

We ran and boarded the nearest ship, and Sia, being the more experienced pilot jumped into the main chair. It didn’t take her long to get the ship powered up and ready to go.

 

“I’m routing the weapons to your station, we’re probably gonna have to fight our way out of here.”

 

She was right, of course, and so I looked over the readouts on the screen as they came up. Sensors, ion cannons, laser cannons, and one proton torpedo launcher. That was pretty nice weaponry, and I said as much.

 

“Si, this boat is loaded.”

 

“Yup, CorSec was gonna use them to catch smugglers and patrol the space lanes. I think I have the controls figured out. Let’s get outta here.”

 

She fired the ship’s ion engines and as she did the hangar doors opened and a squad of stormtroopers poured in!

 

“Blast em!” Sia exclaimed.

 

I targeted the laser cannons and strafed the stormtroopers who dove for cover behind whatever they could find. Sia lifted the ship out of the berth and out of the hangar pointing us spaceward.

 

“Don’t get comfortable,” she told me “we still have to get past the fleet in orbit and I’ll bet they know we’re coming.”

 

I nodded. Sia was right; the fleet probably already had fighters waiting for us, or worse.

[JediMaster12]

Better Jedi Athos. You are describing a lot more and painting a better picture of the scenes unfolding. I still think you could add just a little more to indicate the tones of the people speaking. It just adds to the tension of the situation and really fuels the imagination. Overall you have good work here.

[Daft Adidas]

That was a nice suprise their wht Ginn and Shaden for a sec I thought they were dead! Good work!

[JediAthos]

Chapter 4: On the Run

 

 

I hate when I’m right, and I couldn’t have been more right about what the Empire had waiting for us as we entered the space above Corellia. As soon as we cleared the planet’s atmosphere the ship’s sensors lit up like the stars on a Corellian night.

 

“Interceptors Sia, coming in fast!”

 

“How many?”

 

“Six targets, eight o’clock low.”

 

Just then the comm crackled to life.

 

“Pilot, in the name of the Galactic Empire, stand down and return to the spaceport immediately.”

 

Sia looked over at me, “Well, answer them.”

 

I did so by locking on to the nearest fighter and letting loose a barrage of laser fire the blasted it into a fireball as the remaining fighters buzzed us.

 

“Well that made em mad, hang on!” Sia exclaimed.

 

She threw the ship into a roll as the interceptors snap-turned back at us and fired. Several shots flashed by the cockpit and the rest impacted on our shields shaking the ship. I fired again and destroyed another one as we split them down the middle. They came back around on our six and Sia juked the ship trying not to give them a target.

 

“Athos, see what you can do about getting some hyperspace coordinates laid in.”

 

“To where?”

 

“Anywhere but here!”

 

Sia rolled the ship right and I fired the ion cannon turning a third fighter into a derelict as it spun away. That still left three of them and they weren’t giving up. Their laser fire peppered our shields and the ship began to shudder harder, but the new gunboat was holding together. I was thankful for that as I turned back to the navcomputer hoping we could get out of here with our skins. Now, I tried to figure out where we could go that no one would think to look for us. Then the answer came to me, Tatooine, no one would find us on that godforsaken rock. As I entered the jump coordinates the sensors beeped at me. I looked at them, and my eyes got wide.

 

“Sia, there’s a cruiser breaking away from the main group and I don’t think its coming over to say hello!”

 

“We need to leave this party fast Athos!” she said with a little fear creeping into her voice.

 

“I’m almost finished Si, just give me a little more time!”

 

“Hurry up! That cruiser will be in range any second!”

 

As she said that turbolaser fire flashed past us.

 

“Now would be good Athos!”

 

I punched in the last coordinates from the star chart and announced, “Got it!”

 

“Well, are you waiting for an invitation?! Punch it!”

 

I engaged the ship’s hyperdrive and we shot forward into the void of hyperspace leaving the cruiser shooting at emptiness. We both breathed audible sighs of relief as we sat back in our chairs.

 

“Gods, I thought we were done for Athos,” Sia said with relief.

 

“I wasn’t so sure myself.”

 

“So, where are we headed exactly?”

 

“Tatooine.”

 

“Tatooine!? There’s nothing on that hole of a planet!”

 

“Exactly, they’ll never find us there.”

 

Sia nodded slowly as she acknowledged the logic in my choice.

 

“You’re probably right, I guess this makes us outlaws now.”

 

I nodded and felt some tinge of guilt enter my heart. Sia had a good life before she met me, and I had dragged her into this. I had made her an outlaw, on the run from the Empire when she could have been safe on Corellia. I looked at her

 

“I’m sorry Si.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For dragging you into this mess, for making my problems your problems.”

 

She narrowed her eyes at me, “Don’t you apologize to me. I’m here because I wanted to be and you know it. I love you, and I could never let someone I love go through this alone.”

 

I looked at her and realized she was actually angry at me for apologizing. Women were so confusing sometimes.

 

“Okay…whatever happens, we do it together.”

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, now come here and kiss me.”

 

I didn’t argue with her. As our lips met I couldn’t help but think that right now, on the run from the Empire, this kiss was a little bittersweet. We broke the embrace and I looked a Sia. Her beautiful features were haggard from the day’s events.

 

“Why don’t you get some sleep Si, I’ll watch the systems.”

 

“It’s at least another twenty four hours to Tatooine right?”

 

I checked the navcomputer, “Yeah.”

 

“Why don’t we both get some sleep. Until we drop out of hyperspace a protocol droid could fly this thing.”

 

I nodded “Sounds like a good idea.”

 

In the cargo compartment we found some fold down cots. They weren’t the most comfortable things I’d ever slept on, but as tired as we both were it really wouldn’t matter. At least, for Sia it didn’t matter. She was sleeping peacefully in minutes. Me, I just laid there listened to her breathing. I’d killed stormtroopers, stolen a ship, and blasted several of the Empire’s fighters into dust. On top of it all, I had dragged one of the only people I’d ever cared about right into the middle of it. Some former Jedi I was. I finally fell asleep thinking about it all, my body had finally had enough for one day.

[Bee Hoon]

Interesting story so far:) Can't wait to see what role he'll play in the wake of the Empire's creation! Lol, everyone ends up on Tatooine at one point or another:p

[JediMaster12]

Another chapter and another chance to critique. Ok. First off you are doing a good job in telling this story in the first person. It is a difficult tense to write in and I say that from experience and I know that Jae would say the same thing. Secondly, you have done well in describing the situation involving escape. However that last part with Sia kissing Athos and the like, I was thinking that maybe she would be a bit shy about it. A big emotion like love tends to make people shy at times.

 

I did so by locking on to the nearest fighter and letting loose a barrage of laser fire the blasted it into a fireball as the remaining fighters buzzed us.

This response seems very un Jedi like. I would have thought that Athos would have maintained some form of reason from the Jedi. Old habits die hard and that is not cliched or old fashioned. Perhaps if you had said something like: "I glanced at Sia and thought about my options. True that I risked being blasted into space dust by resisting but that seemed like our best option. I responded to their hail by locking onto the nearest fighter...and continue there. From your first two chapters I gathered that Athos had some form of regret and maybe doubt and little things like this speak of it.

 

Overall this has been an interesting story and I look forward to the next one.

[JediAthos]

Thanks for all your critques JM12. They are constructive and believe it or not your earlier comments about details are stuck in my head as I'm typing out each new chapter. Athos is a bit haunted still by his decision to leave the Jedi, and perhaps there should have been a bit of hesitation before blasting the Empire's fighters into dust, but I was kind of looking at from the desperation of the situation..almost a fight or flight kind of response. In this case my characters had to do both

[JediAthos]

Chapter 5: Encounter

 

When I woke up I felt ten times better than I had when I went to sleep with the exception of some minor back pain from the uncomfortable cots. Sia was already awake and had found the stores that were packed on the ship.

 

“Hey sleepy head,” she greeted me with a smile.

 

“Morning,” I replied “Anything good in there?”

 

“Typical space food.” She replied and tossed a package at me.

 

“Freeze dried breakfast, great, why couldn’t we steal a ship with real food?”

 

Sia’s laugh filled the compartment and then she turned serious.

 

“So, what do we do when get to Tatooine?”

 

I had to admit, I wasn’t sure what we were going to do. I was hoping we could find other Jedi and I guess that was the best answer I could come up with.

 

“Try and keep a low profile I guess. There must be other Jedi out there. Vader can’t have gotten them all. We should try and find them.”

 

“You think there are Jedi on Tatooine?”

 

I really didn’t have an answer for that one. I didn’t know what we’d find on Tatooine. For all I knew we’d find Imperial troops waiting for us.

 

“I don’t know Si,” I replied trying not to let my own doubt show “but if any of the others survived they are in hiding and I think finding them might be our best bet.”

 

“You don’t think the Empire will come looking for us?”

 

“They have to figure out where we went first Si. We’ll be okay, I promise.”

 

“I’ll hold you to that.”

 

“I know you will,” I replied with a smile.

 

She would too, and I was going way out on a limb promising our safety. As much as I wanted to be confident about our situation part of me really wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep my promise. If I knew anything it was that somehow we had to find the remaining Jedi. If anyone would help us, they would.

 

The remainder of our trip was blissfully quiet. We passed the time talking, mostly about my time with the Jedi. Now that Sia knew about my past she was very interested in it. I didn’t necessarily want to talk about it, but I felt Sia has somewhat of a right to know. I was kind of a double-edged sword of sorts.

 

When we finally dropped out of hyperspace and began our approach to Tatooine I had Sia scan the immediate area for any signs of a welcoming party.

 

“I’m not detecting anything Athos. It looks like we’re clear.”

 

“Alright, take us on in.”

 

“To where?”

 

“Mos Eisley spaceport.”

 

Sia fired the engines and guided the ship toward Tatooine

 

“Hey,” she said “The spaceport is gonna want to register us. We’re gonna need a name for this thing.”

 

“Right, any ideas?”

 

“How about Leone?”

 

I knew there was a reason I loved this woman. Naming the ship after Master Si Leone worked because almost no one would have a clue who she was, and at the same time it was a tribute to someone who I had been close to.

 

“That’s perfect Si, Master Leone would be honored I believe.”

 

Sia smiled at me and went back to guiding the newly christened Leone into the docking bay at Mos Eisley. We landed without incident and as we prepared to disembark we both strapped on our blasters. I clipped my lightsaber onto my belt, and Sia looked at me.

 

“Do think that’s a good idea? What if someone sees it?”

 

“That’s what this is for” I replied pulling my old Jedi robe out of my bag. I had grabbed it back at the apartment as an afterthought.

 

“Okay, so what exactly are we looking for?”

 

“Food, any food better than that stuff stored in the hold. After that I don’t know, we need information, I just don’t know where we’re going to get it.”

 

“Well, I’m definitely in for the food. I just hope we don’t run into any more problems.”

 

I felt Sia’s trepidation too. If the Empire tracked us to Tatooine we might not be able to get away this time. Still, I tried to stay confident if not for Sia’s sake, for my own.

 

“I think Tatooine is far enough out of the way that we’ll be okay for awhile.”

 

“I hope you’re right. Let’s get going.”

 

I drew my robe closed as we left the ship so that it hid both my blaster and my lightsaber from view. As soon as we walked off the ship we were greeted by the dock master, a blue skinned Toydarian.

 

“Uh, that’ll be one hundred credits.”

 

In my brilliance, I hadn’t figured the docking fee into my plan and had absolutely no cash. Sia on the other hand, produced the requested amount plus an extra hundred credits.

 

“A bonus!” the alien exclaimed flapping his wings joyously “Yous can stay as long as you want!”

 

I turned to Sia as we left the docking bay

 

“Good work back there.”

 

She shrugged “I always keep some cash on me, but I’ve only got one hundred left so we’ll have to be careful.”

 

“Okay, well, let’s head for the cantina in town, we’ll find some food, and maybe even some information.”

 

The Mos Eisley cantina was not exactly the highest class establishment I’d ever been in, but Sia and I both had been in rougher places on Corellia. We shouldered our way through the crowds and found a table in a quite corner. A female Twi’lek came over to us after a few minutes.

 

“What can I get you?”

 

“How bout a nerfburger, and a Corellian Ale.”

 

“Make it two,” Sia chimed in.

 

The Twi’lek nodded and sauntered away to tend to her other customers. I glanced around the dimly lit cantina, and saw about what I expected. A Bith band played on the stage, and beings of every size, shape, and color milled around or sat at the bar enjoying their drinks. I looked back to Sia,

 

“Stay here, I’m going to chat with the bartender.”

 

I had found in my time with CorSec that bartenders were fantastic sources of information, if they would talk to you. Some would, some wouldn’t, it usually depended on how loyal they were to their customers and who they were paying their protection money to. I pushed my way through the crowd and finally made my way up to the bar. The bartender was a large, older human male who wasn’t exactly what I would call attractive.

 

“What’ll it be?”

 

“I’m looking for some information. Know anyone I might be able to talk to.”

 

He looked at me for a moment as if trying to figure whether he was going to give me an answer or not. He finally replied

 

“What kind of information you want?”

 

“I’m looking for…friends of mine.”

 

“Heh…you better go see Jabba if you’re lookin for missing people. He knows the best bounty hunters in the galaxy.”

 

I nodded at him and walked away. Jabba, I knew that name. Jabba the Hutt, a gangster, slaver, and criminal. There was no way we could go to a Hutt for information, especially about the Jedi. We would have to find another way. As I returned to Sia I saw that our food had arrived. I rejoined her and we ate mostly in silence. When we finished she left credits for the tab and a small tip for the waitress on the table and we walked outside.

 

“So, what did you find?” she asked.

 

“The bartender suggested we go see Jabba the Hutt.”

 

“A Hutt! Athos there’s no way…”

 

“I know Si, we’ll have to…”

 

I stopped. I felt something odd, a ripple in the Force. I had only felt such a thing in the presence of other Jedi all those years ago. I began to look around and my hand drifted toward my lightsaber.

 

“Athos, what is it?” Sia asked with concern.

 

I put a hand up to silence her as I concentrated trying to find the source of what I felt.

 

“Pardon me friend.”

 

The voice had come from our left and behind us. I turned toward it and reached under my robe, unsnapping the holster for my blaster.

 

“Who’s there? Show yourself!” I demanded feeling more than just a little fear. I had no idea who we were dealing with. Could it be a Jedi? Or worse a servant of the Empire?

A figure stepped out from the alleyway, and I could see he was wearing a cloak with a hood draw up so that it hid most of his face. I began to inch my blaster out of its holster.

 

“You can relax friend, I only want to talk.”

 

Sia was not buying it and she drew her blaster and leveled it at the man.

 

“Go ahead then,” she said almost threateningly “talk.”

 

“Please, holster your weapon, I will not harm you.”

 

“Not a chance.” Sia replied stubbornly

 

Before I could step in and calm her down the man held out his hand and Sia’s blaster jumped to it.

 

“Blasters, so uncivilized. Now then, may I speak with you? Away from here?”

 

I nodded slowly realizing that he had just used the Force to take Sia’s weapon away from her. “You have my attention.”

 

“Good, come with me. I will take you to my home where we can talk in private.”

 

“Wait a sec...” Sia started to protest, but I cut her off.

 

“It’s okay Si. I think we can trust him.”

 

The man led us to a speeder which we boarded and then traveled in silence to a small hut in the Dune Sea. Once we were inside the mystery man returned the blaster to Sia.

 

“I’ll have to ask you not to point this at me again.”

 

“Just who the hell do you think you are?” she snapped.

 

The man finally lowered his hood and I instantly recognized his face.

 

“Obi-Wan Kenobi!” I said in amazement.

 

“At your service.”

[Aurora Starfire]

Yay, Obi-wan! I love it!

 

Anyway..... good chapter, I like the fic so far. Didn't see anything to complain about, really. The punctuation could be a little better, overall, but that's just a minor thing.

 

Looking forward to more!

[JediMaster12]

I agree that there is nothing major to complain about. The introduction of Obi-Wan was a nice touch in that you are reaffirming your time period. Yoda and Obi-Wan are in hiding and if there are any Jedi life, they are being hunted by the Empire. You have gotten better in decribing the situation and the reaction of Sia in particular when Obi-wan comes upon them. Good job.

[JediAthos]

Chapter 6: Jedi Found

 

Obi-Wan bowed and then addressed me.

 

“You seem to have me at a disadvantage. You know who I am, but though you are strong enough in the Force for me to have felt your arrival on Tatooine, I do not know who you are.”

 

“I am Athos Thorin Master. I am connected to the Force, but I left the Order ten years ago and that is why you do not know me.”

 

“Left the Order? May I ask why?”

 

“One of the padawans I was training with, and my friend, succumbed to the Dark Side. He attacked me, and in defending myself I killed him. The Masters on Corellia absolved me of any fault, but I could not let it go, and so I left. I became a CorSec officer which is where I was until two days ago.”

 

“I see,” Kenobi replied stroking his beard. “What happened that you left Corellia?”

 

“Ahem!” Sia interrupted. “I appreciate that you two are getting acquainted, but will someone tell me what’s going on?”

 

Leave it to Sia to liven up a conversation. I suppose Obi-Wan and I were leaving her out a bit though so I turned to her.

 

“Si, this is Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. He’s a member of the Jedi Council. Master Kenobi, this is my partner and my best friend, Sia Vasch.”

 

Kenobi bowed again “A pleasure to meet you.”

 

“You’re a Jedi Master?” Sia asked “Why are you living way out here?”

 

“That is something of a long story,” Obi-Wan replied. “you had better sit down.”

 

Sia and I sat down and listened as Obi-Wan told us how Emperor Palpatine had manipulated everyone from the Separatists to the Senate, to Anakin Skywalker all to bring about the existence of the Empire. He told us how Palpatine used the Dark Side of the Force to hide everything from the Jedi and then set them up to appear as traitors to the Republic.

 

When I had first heard about Palpatine’s decree from Sia, I knew there had to be more to it. Now, hearing from Obi-Wan exactly what happened on Coruscant and how he and Master Yoda had escaped certain death it was almost more than my brain could process. One person so dedicated to the Dark Side had brought about the end of life as the galaxy knew it and replaced it with a perverted version of reality.

 

“That is a lot to take in Master.”

“Indeed, it was hard for me to believe as well. Anakin was like a brother to me. So, now tell me how you came to be on Tatooine.”

 

“Sia and I are running.”

 

“From what?”

 

“The Empire. When 501st landed on Corellia they killed Master Si Leone and razed the academy. They came after me believing me to still be a Jedi. I killed 4 Stormtroopers and we stole one of CorSec’s new patrol ships and blasted four of the Empire’s fighters in the process of escaping the planet.”

 

“Si Leone,” Obi-Wan remarked “I knew her, and I am sorry to hear about her loss. She was your Master?”

 

“Yes,” I replied again feeling the grief of Master Leone’s death.

 

“Tell me, how did you manage to kill 4 stormtroopers?”

 

I pulled my robe back to reveal my lightsaber.

 

“I see, you were allowed to keep it when you left? Practice has been that those who leave the Order must surrender their lightsabers.”

 

“Master Yoda was present on Corellia the day I left. He told the Masters that I should be allowed to keep it, that I might need it again.”

 

“It appears he was right, but I’ve found that Yoda is rarely wrong about such things.”

 

“You said he is alive?”

 

“Yes, he too is in hiding, in the Dagobah system.”

 

I nodded, “I’m very glad that we found you Master Kenobi. I was hoping that there were still Jedi alive.”

 

Obi-Wan frowned and his expression turned to one of sadness.

 

“There not many I’m afraid. Vader and Palpatine have managed to exterminate nearly all of us. Our own troops turned on us, and Vader destroyed the Jedi in the Temple on Coruscant. They are far too powerful to be stopped directly, but even now a rebellion is being organized.”

 

“A rebellion?” Perhaps there was hope after all.

 

“Yes, Senator Organa of Alderaan is organizing a network of politicians, soldiers, and others to stand against them. He could use the help of a Jedi.”

 

As he said those words he looked directly at me.

 

“Master Kenobi, I am not a Jedi.”

 

“You were once, you could be again.”

 

I thought about his words. True, I was still in touch with the Force, but I had not been a full-fledged Knight when I left the Order. I wasn’t sure that I would be any help at all to Senator Organa, and Sia voiced her own reservations.

 

“Wouldn’t a Jedi Master be more help?” she asked.

 

“I cannot leave Tatooine,”

 

“because of Vader’s son.” I finished, and Obi-Wan nodded.

 

“Yes, I must protect him, and when the time is right train him.”

 

I nodded slowly, and something inside me realized that I had to do this. Maybe it was the Force, maybe it was my own sense of desire to make Vader and Palpatine pay for what they had done to Si Leone, and to so many others, but I had to help.

 

“What would you have me do Master Kenobi?”

 

“Relearn what you once knew Athos. Let me train you to become a Jedi once more, and aid the fledgling rebellion against the Empire.”

 

I knew what I wanted, but I couldn’t in good conscience answer Obi-Wan without finding out how Sia felt even though I already sensed what her answer would be.

 

“What do you think Si?”

 

“Do you even need to ask? The Hutt slugs tried to kill us. If we can help pay them back then I’m in.”

 

“It’s settled then,” Obi-Wan said “We will rest today, and tomorrow we will begin.”

 

The next morning Obi-Wan began my training in earnest. I still had a connection to the Force, and I even remembered some of my lessons from the academy. So, it didn’t take Obi-Wan long to train me back to the level of where I had been when I left the Jedi. After a few days we began to work on lightsaber combat, and as it turned out I was rustier than I thought.

 

“Your movements are jerky, not fluid like they should be,” Obi-Wan said. “Form One, again.”

 

I began the movements again, and Obi-Wan corrected me as I moved having me repeat the form again and again until I had it right, and the heat of the Tatooine afternoon lightsaber training is one heck of a workout. We trained everyday until we couldn’t stand it anymore, and soon I began to pick up the lightsaber forms one by one. Master Kenobi taught me basic elements of each of the forms attempting to prepare me for anything I might come across. At the beginning of our fourth week together he said to me

 

“Your final task in your training is to construct a new lightsaber.”

 

“Master I have one already.”

 

“You do, but that is the symbol of the Padawan you were ten years ago, not the Jedi Knight you have become today. Do you still remember how to do it?”

 

“It has been a long time Master, but I think so.”

 

“Good, I have been able to retrieve the most common parts and have four focusing crystals for you to choose from, you may begin whenever you wish.”

 

It took me the entire week, and part of the next spent in mediation, and concentration to construct my new saber. There were times where I thought I would never finish, but Obi-Wan encouraged me to keep going and remain focused on the Force. When I was finally finished I ignited the blue blade in front of Obi-Wan and Sia.

 

“Very good Athos, I am proud of you.”

 

“Thank you Master.” I replied.

 

“You are ready Athos to aid Senator Organa and the rebellion, but beware; if Vader and Palpatine find you they will try to kill you.”

 

“I understand Master, I will be careful.”

 

There was no doubt that I meant what I said. If Vader was able to exterminate the Jedi so methodically there was no chance that I could stand against him alone. I had no desire to be destroyed before I had a chance to help Senator Oragana strike back at the Empire.

 

“See that you are, you are Jedi again Athos. Travel to Alderaan and meet with Senator Organa. I will try to let him know you are coming somehow.”

 

“I will. Thank you Obi-Wan, for helping me find what I’d lost.”

 

“Not lost my friend, only misplaced. Come I will take you back to Mos Eisley.”

 

We traveled with Obi-Wan back to where we had left the Leone. Sia had been traveling into town every few days and paying the dockmaster to keep an eye on her. We found her as we had left her, and said goodbye to Obi-Wan.

 

“Thank you Master, for everything.”

 

“You’re welcome, and May the Force be with you.”

 

He turned and he left the docking bay, and Sia and I boarded the ship.

[JediMaster12]

This was a nice chapter. You bring releveance of the films in with Obi-Wan explaining what had happened with Order 66. The turn of events where Athos agrees to once again don the robes of a Jedi was well written with a subtle persuasion on Kenobi's part. Sia's repsonse was in character. Overall I have nothing serious to complain about. Good job.

[The_Catto]

I like where this is going. I liked how you brought Obi-Wan into the story, gives it more of a relation to the movies. Great fic and keep it up

[JediAthos]

Chapter 7: The Smuggler's Moon

 

Once we were aboard the Leone, Sia headed for the cockpit to prep the ship for takeoff. Not wanting to bother her, I stayed in the cargo compartment. I sat down on the deck, closed my eyes, and tried to find some peace in the Force. That was when I saw her for the first time. At first, she was just a voice in my meditation.

 

“Athos, Athos can you hear me?”

 

My eyes popped open, and I looked around. I didn’t see anything, but I could swear I’d heard a voice. I hoped I wasn’t going crazy. I went back to my meditation, and closed my eyes again.

 

“Athos, it is I, your old master. Open yourself to the Force, and to me.”

 

I was certain I’d heard it this time, and I opened my eyes again. Standing there in front of me was my old master, Si Leone! She looked exactly as she had when I saw her that last time at the academy, but she was surrounded by the Force.

 

“Master Leone?” I gasped. I had read of exceptionally powerful individuals returning from the netherworld of the Force, but I had never seen it happen until now. She smiled softly,

 

“Yes, it is me.”

 

“But how?”

 

“There are many things possible through the Force Athos. I am glad that you escaped Corellia alive.”

 

“Barely Master, the Empire still believed me to be a Jedi.”

 

“I was afraid of that, but I was still able to find your presence in the Force.”

 

“I have been training with Master Kenobi.”

 

“Obi-Wan lives?”

 

“Yes Master as does Yoda.”

 

“That is more good news, but I have something I must tell you and I do not know how much longer I will be able to remain.”

 

“I am listening Master.”

 

“Our former brother, Master Tirith still lives Athos, but he is broken on the will of Darth Vader and serves the Emperor.”

 

“Master Tirith has fallen?”

 

“I am afraid so. That is all I have been able to determine through the Force, but I believe your destiny may lead you to him.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yes, I am afraid I am unable to say more.”

 

At that moment I could hear Sia calling my name from the cockpit.

 

“Go Athos, I can no longer remain here, but through the Force I will always be with you.”

 

Si Leone faded from my sight, and I made my way up to the cockpit.

 

“What took you so long?” Sia demanded.

 

I don’t know what my face looked like, but if I had to guess it was somewhere between shock and fear because Sia’s next question was,

 

“Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I’m fine Si, are we ready to go?”

 

“Yeah she’s ready, but I think we should make a stop before we head to Alderaan.”

 

“Oh? Where?”

 

“Nar Shaddaa.”

 

“Nar Shaddaa? What’s there?”

 

“We need to get the CorSec markings off this ship and the ID code changed. I know an old friend of my father’s there who can help us.”

 

I couldn’t fault Sia’s logic. We didn’t want to draw any attention to ourselves or lead the Empire to any part of Senator Organa’s organization once we arrived on Alderaan. Besides, if the Republic couldn’t control what went on in Hutt space I doubted the Empire could either.

 

“Okay, sounds like a plan Si.”

 

She nodded, and fired the Leone’s engines. The ship rose into the Tatooine sky and into orbit. Once we were clear of the planet Sia engaged the hyperdrive and the ship’s autopilot. Then she turned to me.

 

“You’ve been quiet since before we left Tatooine, and back at the landing pad you looked like someone had scared the life out of you. What’s goin on?”

 

I didn’t know how to explain what I’d seen to Sia. She wasn’t a Jedi so there was no way she would understand. She might even think that I was starting to lose my mind, but I knew I couldn’t dismiss her question either. Oh well, I supposed honesty was the best policy.

 

“I-I saw my old master Sia.”

 

“Si Leone? I thought she was dead.”

 

“Yes, Master Leone is dead, but I saw her, through the Force.”

 

Sia shook her head.

 

“I didn’t understand Jedi before I fell in love with one. I’ll just have to take your word for it.”

 

I smiled at her relieved that she hadn’t asked me to explain further because I wasn’t sure I could.

 

“Alright,” she said “We’re on course for Nar Shaddaa. It’ll take about twelve hours according to the computer. It’ll be worth it though; we definitely need to disguise this thing.”

 

“You always were the brains,” I replied.

 

“And don’t you forget it.” she said smiling at me. She came over and kissed me.

 

“I’m going to get some rest, and you should too. You’ve been working hard without a whole lot of rest.”

 

She had a point. Master Kenobi had been working me pretty hard, and I hadn’t slept at all. I followed her to the cargo bay, and the two of us were sleeping soundly in minutes.

 

When we woke up the autopilot was beeping our approach to the Smuggler’s Moon. I guess we were both more tired than we thought. Sia took the ship’s controls and brought her out of hyperspace. Sia gambled that the Empire wouldn’t have a presence on Nar Shaddaa and put us in at the moon’s legitimate spaceport using the ship’s legitimate ID signature. She was right, and we docked without incident. We were met by a green-skinned, male Twi’lek as we exited the ship.

 

“Welcome to Nar Shadda he greeted us in almost perfect Basic. The docking fee is two hundred credits.”

 

Sia paid him and we set out to find her contact. As we walked, I wondered aloud how she came to know someone on Nar Shaddaa while living on Corellia.

 

“He’s an old friend of my father’s. Dad worked with Republic intelligence before he retired. Aller was one of his contacts here that helped the Republic run in some of the worst pirates. He always seemed to know everything that goes on here. If anyone can help us, he can.”

 

Sia led me to an area outside the spaceport which looked like a marketplace of sorts. There were street merchants and there were shops and we made our way to one side of the square and up to the door of a small shop. We entered and behind a display case of small and large vibroblades, and several smaller blasters was an older, light skinned human. His back was to us, but his white hair was visible indicating his age.

 

“Be with you in a moment.”

 

“Take your time Aller,” Sia remarked “I’ve only traveled through hyperspace to see you.”

 

He stopped what he was doing, “I know that voice.”

 

He turned around to face us, and when his eyes settled on Sia they lit up.

 

“Sia! Sia Vasch! How long has it been? The last time I saw you, you were still a girl! Now look at you, all grown up. Who is your friend?”

 

“Aller Zand, Athos Thorin.”

 

“I heard that you had joined CorSec, but I also heard that CorSec was disbanded by the Imperial governor of Corellia. So, tell me girl, what brings you here?”

 

“Is it too much to believe I came to see an old friend?”

 

“Hmph, you forget Sia, I knew your father, and you were always so much like him. So, why have you come?”

 

“We need help Aller.”

 

“Help? What kind of help?”

 

“It’s a long story, but the Empire is looking for us.”

 

“The Empire?! What would they want with you?”

 

“It’s hard to explain, but Athos-

 

“I am a Jedi Knight,” I said interrupting her.

 

“A Jedi! Be careful how loud you say that around here Athos. There are many people on Nar Shaddaa that would like nothing better than to collect the bounty the Empire has placed on Jedi. Enough of that though, how can I help Sia?”

 

“We have a ship that we…umm…liberated from Corellia. It needs a new paint job and a new ID signature.”

 

Aller nodded, “I may know someone who can help you, but it will take a day or two.”

 

“It’s okay, we have time.”

 

“Tell me where the ship is docked and I will take care of it. There’s a small room in the back of the shop where you can stay in the meantime.”

 

“Thank you Aller. The ship is the Leone and she’s in bay three-one-two.”

 

The older man nodded, “You’ll have to tend my shop while I’m gone Sia. This old man can’t afford to be out of business for two days.”

 

“We can do that, and thank you again.”

 

“Anything for you my dear, your father was like a brother to me.”

 

The old man left Sia and I in the shop alone. I just hoped he could pull of what he promised without alerting anyone why, or worse who I was.

[JediMaster12]

Another chapter and another critique!

 

*clearing throat*

 

Your story flow is very good. You try to resolve issues from previous chapters or build on them more to save for later. My main concern is that when you start the dialogue with Aller and Sia, you don't elaborate on whether Sia gives him a hug or anything. There is no obvious signs of joy on the face or teasing twinkles of old friends. When Aller warns Athos to be careful of whom he tells he is a Jedi I would have added something like a look on his face such as concern or the the like. I maintain that facial expressions tell much about the characters and what they are feeling at the moment. They are just as important as dialogue.

 

...quite ...

I think you meant to say quiet. I would go back and check on your spelling just in case. Sometimes a misspelling could throw off a reader or give the wrong impression if it is similar in sound.

[Bee Hoon]

I like it so far:) Athos seems rather eager to tell people that he's a Jedi Knight... The "You look like you've seen a ghost" line was ironic, lol. Some more commas would be nice in places, e.g. “Yes Master, as does Yoda.”