[Fic] May '07 Submission: Death of a Prophecy

[JediAthos]

*My thanks to JediMaster12 for Beta reading, and editing this entry

 

Death of a Prophecy

 

Mira had the trail this time, she was sure of it. She had been tracking her Master, Gaven Darkil, better known to the galaxy as the Jedi Exile, for more than a year now. Now, on the planet Calindar on the edge of known space she was certain she had a solid lead on his location.

 

The only problem with being on Calindar was that she’d been stuck on the planet for months now. When she arrived she found a group of human and alien colonists that were barely surviving thanks to a group of Mandalorians that had been terrorizing them. It reminded her very much of another time, when she first began traveling with Gaven, and she couldn’t stand by and watch them be eradicated.

 

She had begun slowly at first, fighting off their raiding parties, and ambushing their patrols. Now, she was tracking their leader, a man named Zimm, and she was approaching what she believed was their base of operations in a network of caves above the colony.

 

As she entered the cave entrance Mira drew her blue lightsaber from her belt, and held it at the ready. The further she moved into the caves, the more she sensed something was wrong. She was not meeting any resistance, and she knew she had not killed all the Mandalorians. Then, she felt it…the Dark Side. Sith? Here? It couldn’t be, but she knew what she sensed, and her senses were always right. Then, she heard the voice:

 

“You should not have come here young Jedi.”

 

“Just when I thought I wasn’t going to have any company,” Mira replied dryly

 

The voice rang out with laughter throughout the cavernous room, and Mira searched the dimly lit space trying to pick out her adversary. She was desperately wishing that she had Visas or Brianna with her. Hell, even Atton would help at this point, but they were all back on Dantooine at the enclave.

 

“Jedi are so predictable,” the voice chided “always poking around where they shouldn’t.”

 

“Right, I’ll have to get them to work on that when I get back to Dantooine.”

 

“Oh,” the voice replied “you’ll not be leaving here Jedi…not alive anyway.”

 

She’d had enough, time to throw some light on this place. Mira lit her lightsaber and the blue blade hummed to life and immediately lit up the space. At the exact moment, she realized why she had felt the Dark Side of the Force as she entered the cave, and she wished she had stayed in the village. In the space surrounding her, dressed in black robes, and some in armor, Mira counted fifteen dark Jedi. They held various weapons from vibroblades to lightsabers and even a few blasters, and standing on the far side of the open space clad in black from head to toe was a man who could only be Zimm. She understood now, the Mandalorians had been a cover. They kept the colonists away while Zimm ran his little Sith training ground up in these caves. Mira couldn’t believe she had been so stupid, and now she was trapped with the choice of either surrender or fight before her.

 

“The Mandalorians were a good cover Zimm; I didn’t get it until now.”

 

He laughed at her again “You have no idea what you’re dealing with foolish girl.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before, and I’ve killed Sith before. Plenty of them.”

 

“Sith,” he spat “what you dealt with were not Sith.”

 

The surprise must have showed on Mira’s face because Zimm smiled. “Oh I know all about the ‘Sith’ you faced. They were not Sith, not really. I follow the teachings of the True Sith, and now we shall see how you do against the true power of the Dark Side of the Force. Kill her!”

 

Mira didn’t wait for the dark apprentices to attack her. Raising her arm, she fired a concussion rocket from her wrist launcher at the nearest group sending bodies sprawling as it impacted on the ground in front of them. That was the only shot she was able to get before they were upon her like kath hound feeding on a kill. Mira let the Force flow over her as Gaven had taught her, and let it guide her lightsaber as she deflected each new attacker’s blow. She needed to regain control of this fight or Zimm’s prediction of her death might actually come true.

 

Mira stretched out her hand and pushed with the Force out to both sides. The wave of Force energy caught several of her attackers off guard and sent them flying across the room, but even more of them resisted the attack. She faced the remaining group and went to work. Her lightsaber hummed through the air as she began to cut into the nearest foes as they challenged her.

 

On and on she fought, but she realized that she was not making much progress and she was still heavily outnumbered. This was not going to end well for her, she knew. Maybe if she surrendered she could find a way out of this mess, but she had a feeling that they would kill her anyway. So this was it, this is where her life would end, and she had been so close to finding her Master. Well, if she was going down she was going to take them with her. She’d fire her remaining rocket straight up. that would bring the whole place down on them. If someone is going to pop out of the air and rescue me, now would be a great time, she thought.

 

Suddenly, she felt another presence, not the Dark Side, but not true light either. Then she heard the lightsaber ignite and her unknown rescuer sprang to the attack. It was a woman Mira saw, strikingly beautiful, and deadly at the same time, at least to the Sith anyway. Her lavender twin bladed lightsaber whirled like a carnival ride as she attacked from behind the dark Jedi.

 

Mira didn’t know who she was, and right now she didn’t care. Mira fought with a renewed sense of life within her, and together she and the new arrival beat back foe after foe. There were only a few of the Sith left when Zimm’s voice boomed out.

 

“Enough!!”

 

“What’s the matter Zimm,” the newcomer asked “Did I ruin your fun?”

 

“I don’t know who you are Jedi, but this is where you will die!”

 

“I doubt that very much” the mystery Jedi replied “but you can try.”

 

Zimm growled with a ferocity Mira had seldom heard, even from the Sith she had faced with Gaven. Lightning jumped from his fingers directed at her rescuer, but the woman calmly raised her lightsaber and absorbed the deadly shock. Mira watched a stunned look come across Zimm’s face as the woman glared back at him.

 

“Is that the best you can do?” she questioned

 

Zimm growled again and a lightsaber jumped to his hand. It gave off the glow of a deadly blood red color. The Sith master attacked the woman, and she immediately defended and countered his attack. Mira decided she should return the favor the woman had done and went after Zimm as well. Together the two Jedi battled the Sith around the open space feeding off each other. Zimm was more powerful than any Sith Mira had fought, his attacks dripped with anger and hatred, and he defended himself with speed Mira had only seen from Jedi Masters.

 

Truth be told Mira did very little to help in the battle. Zimm was clearly no match for the mysterious woman, and eventually the Sith made a fatal mistake. After a particularly vicious attack Mira saw that he had overextended himself and could not defend against the woman’s whirling twin bladed attack. Her blades whipped around as she feinted toward his legs, and he moved to defend realizing too late what she was doing. She reversed her attack, and beheaded the Sith. Both his head, and his body dropped to the floor of the cave as the remaining dark Jedi watched their master die.

 

“You killed the Master,” one of them stammered

 

“I will give you a choice,” she replied “You can lay down your weapons, and leave this cave and this planet, or you can fight.”

 

They offered no reply except to drop their weapons and run past the two Jedi. They would never trouble the colonists on Calindar again. The woman turned and looked at Mira, “For a Jedi, you are reckless.”

 

As Mira looked in the woman’s eyes, a hint of recognition popped into her head, as if she had seen the woman somewhere before. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it though, and so she replied:

 

“Yeah, well I’m still new at the Jedi thing, but thank you. You saved my life.”

 

The woman nodded “You’re welcome. I had been watching Zimm and his little cult for a long time. I was planning on eliminating them myself when the opportunity arose.”

 

“Was he what he claimed?” Mira asked

 

“Yes, Zimm was a master of the True Sith teachings, but all his anger, and hate were more than he could control. Why are you here Jedi? Did the Council send you?”

 

“No,” Mira replied, “I’m sort of looking for someone.”

 

“I see…well, good luck with your search, and try and stay out of trouble.”

 

“Wait, you’re leaving?”

 

“Yes, I have work to do.”

 

She turned to leave, but Mira stopped her again “Hey, I don’t even know your name!”

 

The woman turned back to her and smiled.

 

“My name…is Revan.”

[Bee Hoon]

ALl in all, a good fic. There's a few minor punctuation errors here and there, but nothing that can't be cleaned up in a few minutes. Out of curiosity though... Does the prophecy in the title refer to the one Kreia made?

[JediAthos]

ALl in all, a good fic. There's a few minor punctuation errors here and there, but nothing that can't be cleaned up in a few minutes. Out of curiosity though... Does the prophecy in the title refer to the one Kreia made?

 

 

I was waiting for someone to catch that Yes, that is exactly what I was referring to. Kreia predicts that Mira will die helping people on an unknown world. In my little version of the KOTOR future Revan kills that prophecy by saving her life, hence the title

[Jae Onasi]

Ah, just the kind of dramatic rescue I was looking for!

 

I caught a couple punctuation things to fix.

 

One thing I noticed--and I have to really watch it myself because I have a tendancy to do this a lot--sometimes you mention your characters thinking something that they wouldn't necessarily know. Like when the Sith goes for the feint to the legs--he doesn't know it's a feint initially, he's seeing it as a move for his legs. I don't know that once he realized she wasn't going for his legs after all, that he'd think about anything else at that point but reacting to try to block the feint. Instead of telling us he realizes too late it's a feing, try to describe more of the action (the move to strike the legs, but then the sudden move up towards his head instead, and his reactions--he's perhaps confident that he can block such a simple blow, only to suddenly see a blade out of the corner of his eye coming right at his head, and his saber makes it up only about halfway to attempt to block the feint). That makes it a little more 'active' and gives us a greater degree of imagery.

 

I loved how you caught Mira's personality and her sassy comments. Nice job on the story!