[FIC]Bounty Hunter-Mira's Heir

[Empress Padme]

Mira's Heir

 

Katarina Avey slinked around Nar Shaddaa.She was known as "Kitty Kat" among the planet for her cat-like style and cat-like looks .She had long raven hair and cat-like eyes. She was human but her moves were not human-like.She was a bounty hunter but unlike her fellow bounty hunters ,she did not do it for the kill.She did it for the hunt and the challenge.The credits were a big bonus,she rarely kept them though.She gave a majority of it to the refugees.

In Nar Shaddaa it was always night and she loved the stars.You could always find her on some tall building talking to the stars.Truth be told she was really talking to her mentor ,Mira.Mira another Nar Shaddaa bounty hunter from years ago.Mira had met Katarina in Kat's village and felt a kinship to the littlte Kat.Both were orphans.Mira had died protecting Kat's village,protecting Kat.Mira shaped Kat's life.Before her death she taught Kat everything she knew.Mira's legacy was within Kat.Mira had talked about Nar Shaddaa and how she missed it.Kat eventually made her way to Nar Shaddaa and spread Mira's ashes.

Now she worked as a bounty hunter.Not the life Mira may have hoped for her but it's not like she taught Kat to be a happy home-maker.She showed Kat adventure and Kat thrived on it.

Kat made her way to the Cantina.She spotted her source and sat next to him.

He was rugged looking,definately had lived a life,maybe a couple of 'em.Graying hair and a goatee.Human like her.

"Your late.Looking at the stars again"he asked.

"Just saying hello to Mira.I am here now.What's the job?"Katarina said in her husky voice.

"Speaking of Mira,she knew this target well.A Wookie named Hanhaar"he told her.

She gave him a cross look"I know of him.She told me about him,how she let him live -twice.I won't do it."

"Kat,since Mira let him live 10 years ago ,he's killed over 500.Not caring of race,gender,age.His bloodlust knows no bounds.Many children have been orphaned because of him,if they live at all."he knew when he said this he would hit her Achille's heel - orphans.It worked.

"Low blow and you know it.Give me the darn papers."Kat's face reddened.

As the man got up and left he turned to her"Just so you know, a certain other bounty hunter knows of this too."

"Not him ,please.Man, anymore news to wreck my day"she whined.The him she was referring to was her , ex. He was a bounty hunter too, and a heartbreaker.

"No that's it."the man grinned and left.

Katarina headed out the door but was struck on the head with an object.

Katarina woke up tied to a chair and a splitting headache.

"Hey,pretty kitty" came a male voice,she knew all to well.

"You stupid schutta,let me go.Max ,I know you know about the bounty,but this is low even for you."

Max, a man in his 30's with black hair and dark eyes, pushed her chair around and Katarina saw why Max was grinning.There was Hanhaar,bound and gagged,and really angry.She looked at Max"If he finds a way out of that and kills us ,I am gonna kill you."

Max laughed then cut Katarina loose.She then smacked him.Blood from the scratches made from he nails dripped from his cheek.He did not get mad though.He handed her a knife.

"You want to do the honors."He said.She grabbed the knife and went over to Hanhaar.

"This is for all the misery you gave to Mira and all the children's lives you destroyed".she put the knife to his throat but could not do it.Hanhaar started foaming at the mouth,then his eyes went black.Kat dropped the knife and checked for a pulse.

"He's dead"Kat said.

"Yeah,poison will do that to you,"Max replied,he then grabbed the knife,"Close your eyes Kat ,I do not want you to see this."She did what she was told.She knew he was gonna cut off his head for proof of his death.

"Okay now open your eyes."

Kat opened her eyes.She was face to face with him.She rubbed some blood off his black hair.

"Couldn't let you have blood on your hands,Kat"he then kissed her and left.She soon realized that he had left with the head.So she had no bounty to collect on.

"Max,you schutta!"she yelled,but knew he was long gone.She then went over to Hanhaar's headless body."May you find peace in the Shadowlands."She then walked away,knowing Mira would be proud of her.

[Emperor Devon]

The idea behind the fic is good and main character had an interesting background, but IMO the literary elements could've used a fair bit of improving. The one that stands out the most is grammar - it's harder to read (and thus harder to appreciate) a fic when it isn't done properly. The most noticeable issue for me was there being no space between the periods and the next sentence.

 

The descriptions and technical details could also use some improvement - having Hanharr bound and gagged seemed pretty weird given how physically strong he is. You might also want to try being more descriptive (such as saying why the main character loved Nar Shaddaa instead of the fact that she did).

 

Definite potential, but it needs a fair bit of polishing to reach that.

[Bee Hoon]

It's an intriguing story, but a lot to be done before it shines. First of all, lazy people like me prefer reading fics that are nicely spaced out:p Nails break too easily to be used as claws unless they're reinforced with metal or something. Try to use something to clean up your grammar and punctuation such as Word. More backstory between Max and Kat would have been nice, but a good try nevertheless.

[Ferc Kast]

Very interesting plot; however, it did feel a little rushed. It could have used a few details about Max and Kat since we've never seen them before at all. Considering all, I'd call it a 9.7/10 because, as my choir teacher has said for a few years, nothing's entirely perfect.

[Jae Onasi]

Kat is an intriguing character. I'd like to know some more background on her and the bounty and why she hates Hanharr so much--the amount of hatred makes me think there was something more personal. Double spacing between each change in speakers/dialog and each new paragraph really helps with readability. Please avoid using swear words in fics--it's a PG-13 forum and we have to keep it clean for the younger ones.