Grace Posted August 1, 2007 Share Posted August 1, 2007 I may have submitted this twice. If so, Jae, please note this is the right one [item added to tabloid feed] [Date:] 7/33/23ABY [Time:] 9:20:55 Boba Fett: Menacing Hunter or Imbecile with Cool Stuff? In researching a legend such as Boba Fett, one is typically tempted to scroll through the jobs he's taken and try to judge his moral standing by this dry list of kills and captures. In an attempt to further expand their story (as there is little to nothing to be found there in terms of morality), they might attempt to find and explain in great detail what little 'meaning' they can in the Mandalorian armor the man wears. As he never shows his face in public, this is as close as any reporter can come to 'meeting the man'... or is it? Be warned: this documentary reveals things about Boba Fett that no man would want revealed about himself. It is not for the bulky male Fett wannabe's, for if they were to see what has been uncovered, they would all instantly implode... and we don't want to be the cause of mass implosion. You have been warned. Many camera droids died to bring us this information. Surprise, surprise! Boba Fett actually sleeps! Yes, camera droid #316 managed to escape with footage of the man, sans armor, in bed. Thus, the rumor that Fett is a machine is crushed in a fell swoop... twice! For just before it was destroyed by blaster fire, #316 also managed to identify the great Boba Fett as human, and quite probably, a clone. Just exactly who the mysterious bounty hunter was cloned from is still being looked in to. Further camera spies uncovered something even more shocking than the sleep of a man, who until now was such a mysterious figure. The Mandalorian armor Fett is so famous for is a heavy modification of the original armor worn by the ancient Mandalorians. It is designed to make him seem significantly taller and far more muscular than he actually is, as well as deepening his voice to the intimidating tone we all know and love. Truth be told, people, Fett is quite short and surprisingly thin... especially for how much he eats! Fett's eating habits were discovered by camera droid #575, just before its research was permanently discontinued by rocketfire. Given how much he eats, Boba Fett should be massively overweight. However, due to some sort of genetic abnormality and also in part to tapeworms, he remains as thin and short as a young man, though he eats enough for twelve at every meal. Camera droid #871 managed to sneak a peek inside the nearly impenetrable Slave I. Droids #720-870 were destroyed in the attempts to do so and #871 sent its final transmission less than a minute into its exploration. However, in that brief time, the droid was able to determine that the ship is highly intelligent and that Fett himself does none of the flying. As for the interior of his home, the floor plan was nearly impossible to get. However, a construction droid retained the plans for some reason or other and we have obdained them. The majority of the flat is unimpressive and simplistic at best, but it does have a few high points. There is a massive entertainment section, which the entire upper floor is devoted to. In this, there are massive databases full of holonovels and games. There are also several computers which seem to be devoted to Fett's professional life. The connection between his job and his entertainment is puzzling to us, but we'll try to uncover more information on this. The final, and perhaps most shocking element of Boba Fett's life was revealed in two parts. The first part came from the previously mentioned construction droid, which indicated that Fett had a small swimming pool installed, approximately 12x12 feet, three feet deep. Camera droid #911 revealed that Fett's flatt does not contain a sanistream. To come right to the point, droid #991 revealed that Fett uses the 'pool' for bubble baths! Shortly after discovering this astonishing fact, #991 fell victim to bubbles and warm water. A faint lilac scent was also detected. In the process of uncovering this information, 2000 camera droids were destroyed, 1999 of them by Boba Fett. To make the number even, we destroyed one more. We would prefer not to talk about that. You've had your look into the life of Boba Fett and we hope you've enjoyed it. Have a lovely day! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Somewhere within Boba Fett's helmet, a faint alarm sounded, audible only to him. With a slight grimace, he spun to face the computer panel aboard his ship. Beneath the helmet, Fett raised an eyebrow. Some idiot of a reporter was determined to undermine his credibility once again. And what fiction! A few taps of the screen and it changed to: [File deleted] [Date:] 7/33/23ABY [Time:] 9:21:55 Fools! There was a reason 2000 camera droids (1999, actually) were destroyed. Boba Fett was good at what he did, even when it was pesky camera droids he was hunting. They'd been crawling all over his apartment and his ship for nearly two weeks. Of course, given the funding required to get this done, they'd be scrambling for a story when they found his personal life severely lacking, but some of it was simply outrageous. He sighed. Somewhere out there, the story still existed. Somebody would believe it. And then word would spread. "Looks like I have a construction droid and a reporter to kill," Fett said in his characteristically gruff voice. "Sure you don't want a bubble bath first?" the ship asked him. With a weary sigh, Fett removed his helmet. "That would be fantastic," he replied, sqeaky voice and all. He glanced at the delete message. "One minute... I think my talent is slipping." "That's just suit lag," the ship comforted. "I'll make sure the house takes care of it while you sleep tonight." "Thanks!" Fett said cheerily. "Take me home, will you?" And the ship did just that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 In the process of uncovering this information, 2000 camera droids were destroyed, 1999 of them by Boba Fett. To make the number even, we destroyed one more. Ohh, I absolutely loved that line. Heh heh heh, very amusing! I like the way Boba Fett's manliness is analyzed and insulted from this technical a viewpoint. I could definitely see it in a holotabloid. Like in Tysy's fic, not really anything to criticize since either the fic is funny or it isn't. That does put a bit of a damper on the review length, though... I am curious, though... However did he fit a bubble bath onto Slave I? Nice one, very funny! I give it 9/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Posted August 8, 2007 Author Share Posted August 8, 2007 The paragraph dealing with the bubble bath and the paragraph before it are talking about Fett's home... "As for the interior of his home, the floor plan was nearly impossible to get." Thanks for the review, ED and I'm glad you liked my little story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted August 18, 2007 Share Posted August 18, 2007 To come right to the point, droid #991 revealed that Fett uses the 'pool' for bubble baths! Shortly after discovering this astonishing fact, #991 fell victim to bubbles and warm water. A faint lilac scent was also detected. The lilac scent was a fun touch. I enjoyed the funny lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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