[Shortie] - A Broken Mind

[The_Catto]

[[ ZOMG! I have actually had enough time to write something and post it on this forum that I miss so much! I apologize for not being on as much as I should have, hopefully what I'm doing now will pay off in the future! (y'know, get rich, famous, the usual xP) Anyhow, hope you all enjoy this little piece of writing. Sorry if it is a bit below scratch, i haven't had time to work on my writing for quite some time. Anyway, here it is!]]

 

 

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My mind was falling away. I could feel the presence of the darkness growing every day. It scared me, made me think about my actions, made me wondered if what I was doing was right.

I hated that …

 

 

 

I cursed as I swung my lightsaber around to swipe at the head of my opponent. I aimed for his throat, to slice out the flesh and blood and watch him wither. My aim was unsuccessful though and I was once again blocking an attack aimed for my leg. I pushed my fist forward and struck him in the face, I felt the bones of his jaw crunch under my pressure.

 

He took a step back and shook his head in pain, grabbing for his jaw: My opportune moment.

 

I took aim once more, for the last time and sliced horizontally, cleaving his head directly from his body in one clean cut. I felt the last dregs of life disappear from his body even before he hit the ground. I kicked the corpse in the side before walking to the other end of the alleyway.

 

Nar Shadaa was a pain. An annoying itch that I continually felt as I walked alongside the decaying buildings, the pits of darkness that reminded me of my own being, as I walked along side her: My ‘master’; my ‘friend’; my enemy.

 

Kreia.

 

“You feel it yes?” she asked me when I stopped in my tracks as it hit me.

 

“Yes,” I said. Of course I can, you stupid old woman. I thought to myself.

 

“Take it in,” she said. “Feel the true Nar Shadaa. Its echo of life spews forth outward into the galaxy like a burning fire. It consumes everything it touches. Decays it; feeds it; and most of all, lets it hid itself amongst its own shadow to feel that nothing can overcome it. You see, Exile, that is the true calling of this planet. It’s one true appeal for people like us.”

 

“We are nothing like the wretched scum that call this planet home,” I said, disgusted.

 

“Ah,” replied Kreia. “You aren’t are you? You do not feel to run away from things that seem much bigger than you? The Sith chase us across this galaxy, and yet you say you do not run. What is it that you do then, Exile?”

 

I turned to face the old woman. “What I do,” I said, “is something more than any other person in this galaxy. I aim to hold this galaxy by the throat, to make it cringe in terror as it hears the very whisper of my name. What I do, Kreia, is give hope to despair and horror to demise.”

 

“Quite the cliché set of goals you have there, Exile,” mocked Kreia.

 

I turned away from her. “You will see, my master. All of these … lessons … that you have been giving me, there will come a time when such lessons will be put into practice and then we shall see just who the master is and who is the apprentice.”

 

“Yes,” she replied in her fragile voice, “yes, so we shall.”

 

 

A broken mind is a terrible thing. It can burden the voice of the soul; it can melt the very foundations of a bridge of reason. Power, judgement, mediocrity: all seem so trivial before the war of being the one person who you were born to be….

 

 

“I can’t believe you are making me do this,” I said as we walked in between the trees and foliage of Dxun. “We do not have time!”

 

Kreia placed a hand on my shoulder and I swung about. Without even meaning too I realized. “Our first and foremost objective at this precise moment is to get to Onderon is it not?”

 

“Yes,” I said irritably. “But there are other ways to get favor with the Mandalorians,” Ah, the Mandalorians, how I still despise them after all this time. It feels like a burning hatred that fuels my heart. But it’s as if, the hatred I feel is not for them, but for something higher up. Something related to this place, but not to the Mandalorians: Strange.

 

“To gain favor is not the only reason we are coming this way. There is something that you have to see, something you have to learn to truly understand before it is the right time for you.”

 

“What do you mean?” I said, suddenly curious. What could she be playing at?

 

Before she would answer we turned a corner and there it was; a boma.

 

“Look at this creature,” she said. “Feel its mind and reach down and touch upon its most inner desires. You can tell the difference between this animals mind and that of a kath hound, can’t you. Reach down even lower and there you see the barbaric sense. It’s sense for food, its sense for survival. Human’s, aliens, most of the species in the galaxy would not be able to survive in a place such as this for even a week, but this animal can last here for an entire lifetime. Tell me, why is that so?”

 

I considered her words. Honest to myself, they confused me to no end.

 

“It depends,” I started. “These beasts were meant for this type of climate, these conditions. Sentients are much more civilized compared to these beasts. If you gave us time, we can adapt. It is proof with the Mandalorians.”

 

“Ah, but are the Mandalorians like any other sentient you have come across?” asked Kreia.

 

“No,” I admitted.

 

“Exactly!” said Kreia. “They were born for these climates. For survival and the beast within us all. That is what they represent: strength, pride, arrogance. It is their way. Some may think it is obtuse and irregular, but they may think that about our ways as well. But that is not the topic for this discussion. Look back to that boma, and reach down into its mind. You can control it you know, using its basic urges to your advantage. Try it now, and see if you can not make it do what you do.”

 

I nodded, and looked towards the creature. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could feel the boma’s presence, I could feel the barbaric side of its mind, and I could feel the weak spots. I prodded at one, then another, then another until I was prodding all at once. Then all of a sudden I lost connection.

 

“Ah,” said Kreia. “You were close. Practice what you have learned here and in the future you will be able to seize control of any living creature. Now, back to those cannoks …”

 

Great, I thought to myself. Just what I need: more cannok entrails under my fingernails.

 

 

Carry your emotions and then see what you can come out of the battle with. One stroke, two strokes, and three – before you know it, you’re counting what pazaak card to put down three turns from now. What if I could rip a soul out from its physical existence, and feed upon it to sustain me. What would happen then I wonder. Would I gain the same perspective as that soul and take on a new persona, or would I just feel the same? Hmm, interesting thoughts indeed.

 

 

 

“Yes, you can feel it can’t you,” stated Kreia.

 

I walked into the port dormitory where she spent all of her time because I did feel it. It excited me, yet it actually put a sense of discontent into my brain. I was not sure what it was I felt, but I intended to find out.

 

“Yes,” I answered. “What is this? What is happening to me?”

 

“Every day you grow,” she said. “with every passing moment you fall, yet you still climb towards your goal. And that has paid off, so it seems. Now is the time for you to choose which path to take. Silence, stealth, quick kills: that is the true path of a Sith Assassin. Fury, strength: the attributes of the Sith Marauder. Or is it knowledge that drives you? Being able to bend one’s mind so far, to twist the essence of time and gain the knowledge of ancient masters long gone, to become the one true meaning of power: the way of the Sith Lord.”

 

I smiled inwardly. This has been the moment that I have awaited for not even the Force knows how long. I knew my choice even before she asked.

 

“My life has led me to this moment,” I said. “What I choose now will determine the path I take in the future. I want to gain the knowledge others do not know, I want to singe the very layers of their mind to do my bidding. I am a Sith Lord.”

 

Kreia regarded me for a second. I could not tell what stories, truths and lies lay behind those white eyes of hers, but what I did know was that this was the choice she hoped, and expected me to make.

 

“Very well.” She said. “I will guide you as best I can down this road. The time for your hiding is coming to a close, your power is getting to great to be able to cloak from his galaxy any longer. The time is near…”

 

 

Forever is the destiny of all. Following down the steps of truth is all but a memory not even we can remember when we reach the top stair and gaze down upon what we have done, who we have killed. Be it intentional or not, we are all murderers in the sense. Do you know what its like to have that knowledge? The knowledge that was lost for eons but regained in a mind, such as yours; such a critical thing it is: eternity.

 

 

Here I am. I can feel its power coursing through my very veins! Walking through the Trayus Academy brings back so many memories. I can once again feel the blood spray over my hands from when I cut down my enemies. My fingers are tingling with excitement.

 

I unhitched the lightsaber that hung from my belt and ignited both sides. Brilliant red washed across the floors and walls and I started towards the door that would eventually lead me in the very core of Trayus itself …

 

*

 

It is done. I have continued the Sith way and destroyed my master and teacher. It was not as gratifying as I once thought it would be. My heart, if I have one, feels as if that a piece has fallen away from the depths of my core. My hatred is not enough anymore. All I want to do now is just crawl away, but that is something I know that I cannot do, and that pierces me more than anything. I wonder where Visas is. A blind seer, a Sith, and yet she was something more to me. A piece of myself. But now I feel that that piece is lost also. Such sad thoughts.

 

Brianna, Atton, and Bao-dur: they all fought for me and with me, obeyed me, they were my servants, and they were my slaves. But because of them I am here. Hiding in this hole of truth that I cannot escape.

 

I wonder where they are now … If they are in the same place as I am, or have found a way to escape? …

 

 

Power can blind, power can unwind, power can undo, what power can not do. Foresee things that can be your undoing, and eliminate them, disable them, destroy them. One stroke will finally end it all, but what will happen afterwards? It’s time. Now and forever, I will only be a broken mind.

 

 

 

“Care not … Exile.”

 

THE END

[Bee Hoon]

Long time no see! *waves*

 

Ooh, pretty intriguing fic you have here. I've never played DS myself, although I have wondered how Kreia would interact with a DS exile. Resume isn't suitable for when Kreia is mocking him... Have a think on that, and generally run through and polish this fic up. It's very promising, but feels like a gem in the rough. I like your description of Kreia voice as "fragile", but using sense to describe the boma's instinct to survive doesn't quite fit. The final part of his thoughts seem to be a poem, so space that out nicely and wow poetry-impaired me;) Good job, but edit! Then it'll become excellent.

[The_Catto]

Thanks, Bee. I enjoyed writing this little shortie fic. I actually forgot that I had posted it until I was looking through the CEC. My mind has been all over the place lately.

I'm glad you liked it. And I tried putting some differences within the text to try and make it fit more together than before.

 

It was somewhat difficult, haha.

[Arcesious]

Wow! You're a great writer!

[The_Catto]

Thank you.

 

I do what I can. xP

[JediAthos]

I wanna say I read this when you first posted it and just didn't comment...but my memory sucks so I'll say that I like it, particularly the way you show the mindset of the Exile as he falls to the dark side. It's a nice look inside the mind