[fic] Shrouded in Darkness: Yuthura Ban's Tale

[Endorenna]

K, thanks for drawing my attention to it, DY! I'll go check it out tomorrow!

[Darth_Yuthura]

I just came to realize how much more Shrouded in Darkness has become than I ever expected. It has been almost a year since I've started it and I was just rewriting the first scene in Naga Sadow's tomb to fit what I would have expected to read in a novel. When I saw "My Yuthura Ban Story" being written, that gave me the idea of what would have happened if Yuthura had been rejected by the Jedi. Then I saw in another fiction a Revan/Yuthura relationship and wanted to fit that to what I would have come to expect from both characters.

 

When I started posting this to another sight, I got only 5 feedbacks for 15 chapters. As I came to realize I should have used 3rd person perspective, I almost ended it there. Then I found this site and saw there were many first-person perspective fictions, so I posted and got a feedback rather quickly. Then I posted everything I had rather quickly because I was so glad to know that I had written something that others appreciated.

 

Now that I've got this and Prior to Exile in progress, I'm going to try and balance my efforts among both. Although SID is much longer than I expected, I still have the 'Revan/Trevelyan' debate coming up. After that, I'm going to start considering when to bring this to an end. I've been told that every new chapter enriches this story so long as I don't become repetitive. As long as I can come up with new issues for the plot, I am going to maintain this story until the end... but that is still a long time coming.

 

 

I just wanted to thank everyone for making this possible.

 

 

 

PS: If I get more replies, I'll be encouraged to write new chapters faster. The next one is almost ready. I just have to write another 1500 words or so. I'll also break the ice now on what happens to Ross... I'm not going to kill him. The dramatic ending I had thought of involved him dying and Alexus living, but I still had more in store for Ross later on in the story. The next chapter won't be so great, but Ross is not going to die from this. I only say this because the cliffhanger will go on for a while longer.

[Rathoris]

here you go.

Now write faster... the cliffhangers are murder!

I don't read much fanfics but yours is just soo damned good.... Please know that even if people don't reply they do read and enjoy your fanfic alot

[Darth_Yuthura]

here you go.

Now write faster... the cliffhangers are murder!

I don't read much fanfics but yours is just soo damned good.... Please know that even if people don't reply they do read and enjoy your fanfic alot

 

Already on it. Thanks for the compliment.

 

And not to sound whiney or anything, but considering how much time and effort it takes to write these, just getting a few words of feedback or praise means a lot. I always try to leave something for what I've read because I know what it means to them to get a response. Although I can estimate that I get about 50 views per chapter, there's something about feedback that always lifts my spirit. I won't try and blackmail for it, but I really get saddened when I see masterpieces get unnoticed and cheap work get promoted.

 

I also would like hearing from people who have negative feedback because if there is a problem with the story, I would like to know what I need to work on. My past tense problem at the start would have kept going if I didn't hear about it from you, the readers. I've gone back and corrected most of it as well.

 

As for now, I've got a huge guy with a whip forcing me to get the next chapter done as quickly as possible. I'll have it up today.

[Darth_Yuthura]

There was no peace, serenity, or harmony within me as I watched helplessly as a brother and sister struggled for life. Although they were on opposite ends of the Force spectrum, that bond endured... and it kept Alexus alive while Ross suffered from the exchange.

 

Master Vash was with me as I watched Alexus, who was suspended in a Kolto tank. Ross was in a bed on the opposite side of the room, unconscious. Vash asked why I checked on Alexus before my own padawan. “She suffered the most grievous injuries. Ross lost an arm, but he’s very much alive.”

 

She crossed her arms as if to argue my logic. “When they returned, she was expected to die. Ross took the news very hard... like she was a close friend.” She sighed. “Tell me about her. Why did you send her with your wounded padawan instead of bringing him back yourself? That was a brave thing you did, but foolish.” I looked at her, insulted. “You didn’t know whether or not she might have killed Ross... or that she would even survive the journey. Why did you risk so much to save her?”

 

“A Jedi’s life is sacrifice.”

 

Vash knew that wasn’t the reason. “Do you really believe that, or are you just telling me what I want to hear?”

 

I gave her an irritated expression. “She was injured and would have died if I left her behind, Ross couldn’t be left behind either, and we couldn’t fit three on the bike. I was the only one who stood a chance out there.”

 

“Still, that must have been a difficult choice. There are few among the Order who would have done that for a Sith.”

 

For some reason, those words brought tears to my eyes. This was the first time I ever really acted like a Jedi instinctively. Before, acts such as that would not have been done unless there was something in it for me in the end. I think that I saw something in Alexus that mattered more than my own life. I could not live with the thought of knowing I left Ross’s sister behind to save ourselves. Maybe I valued his respect so greatly that I did not want to risk losing it.

 

I did give Vash an answer. “She had saved Ross during our mission... I wanted to save her.”

 

“I suppose you will have to fill me in on some details. How did you not get caught along with Ross? Why did you wait so long to save him?”

 

“It wasn’t by choice. I fell into a hibernation trance and couldn’t wake myself for almost a week. When I came to, I found out Alexus saved him and I offered her a chance to escape the Sith if she helped us escape.” I explained.

 

“Telling her about you was another dangerous gamble you took. She was Sith, and not all Sith are like you. She might have been interested in selling him for a substantial profit... or luring you into a trap.” She said.

 

“I was willing to take that risk... and I have no regrets.” I turned my attention to Ross, who still needed to be fitted for a new arm. “I didn’t know his injuries were so severe. He seemed well enough when I last saw him.”

 

“He was, but within an hour of arriving, he had taken a turn for the worst.” A long moment of silence elapsed. “And at roughly the same time, her condition began to improve.”

 

I looked at Vash. “What are you saying?”

 

“I think that she is extracting life energy from Ross.” I looked back to Alexus, knowing the cause, but not yet willing to reveal such a secret. Vash continued, “In her condition, she couldn’t possibly be taking it from him, so he must be willingly sharing that energy with her.” She put her hand on his forehead. “I didn’t know he could do such a thing. He might hold a secret to preventing people from dying when even kolto can’t revive them.”

 

I looked at him, sadly. “That is not uncommon for two people to share life energy. Masters often share much with their padawans, lovers, close friends, family...”

 

“That’s through a Force bond. However, the link between a padawan and master are mutually beneficial; not one where one suffers because of the other. This is strange to me.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Besides, a bond rarely, if ever, applies to people who have only just met.”

 

My heart sank when I heard that. Despite what she would have wanted, I felt Alexus wouldn’t have taken offense if it was to save her life... and Ross’s. “They do have a bond with each other.”

 

She turned around and looked as though I betrayed or lied to her. “How? A Sith and a Jedi sharing a bond?”

 

I shook my head and walked over to Alexus. “A brother and sister. Even after she was seduced by the darkside, that bond endured.” I faced Vash. “When Ross was being tortured, she felt his pain. She suffered when he lost his arm. And now...”

 

“What?” She asked with great concern.

 

“When she was injured... Ross didn’t feel her pain.”

 

She walked over and sat on the bed next to Ross. “But he’s suffering because of it. He’s not feeling her pain, but he’s dying because of her.”

 

“Dying?”

 

She nodded. “She should have died, but Ross is keeping her alive, barely.”

 

“Isn’t Kolto able to heal extreme wounds? If she’s being kept alive, then isn’t she being healed as we speak?”

 

She shook her head. “There is a point when Kolto can’t regenerate cells. She is past that point, but is slowly improving. Unfortunately, it’s taxing Ross to extreme levels... he may not endure long enough to save her.”

 

I dropped my head in anguish. “So what are you saying?”

 

She got beside me. “Yuthura... we may have to let Alexus die in order to save Ross.”

 

“You mean kill her!” I protested.

 

“To save Ross’s life. If she extracts more energy than Ross can give, they will both die.”

 

“But if she doesn’t, they will both live. Give her more time!”

 

“We will, but the longer we wait, the less chance Ross will have.” She pointed her finger at me. “I will not endanger his life for her. If Ross’s condition becomes critical, I will do whatever is required to save him.”

 

I nodded. “How long can he sustain her?”

 

“I have no idea. There is no way to know how close she is to life or how far he is from death... the Force isn’t as... predictable as standard medicine, so we can only wait and see.” She started walking to the exit, but turned around. “I would guess it will be over within the next 24 hours.” She stared at Ross for a moment, but came back at sat beside him. “Good luck Ross Senegal. I know you are prepared for this. An opportunity has been presented to you. May you have the confidence to save your sister... for she is depending on you.”

 

I saw something in Master Vash that I haven’t ever seen in a Council member. As she said those words, I saw tears in her eyes.

 

As much as I would have respected her feelings, I thought that there was more going on than she was letting on. “Master... there’s more happening than you’re telling me.”

 

She dried her tears before looking up to me. “Yes... but it’s not something I can talk about.”

 

“Why not?”

 

She hesitated to respond. “Because I don’t know everything about it.”

 

“He’s not in the grave yet, but hopefully Alexus will make it and they will both be fine.”

 

A look of great sadness came over her and more tears came pouring from her eyes. “You’re his master, so you are entitled to know.”

 

I knew she was going to answer the question ‘know what?’ So I just kept silent and let her talk.

 

“Ross and Alexus had a strange bond that benefited only her. Ross received nothing from her.”

 

“Did either of them know? Ross never mentioned it.”

 

“Alastria assumed it was a mutual bond, but only because we wanted her to eventually share the benefits with him. Ross never knew the truth.”

 

“Why did you not tell him? Why was I never aware of it?”

 

She looked away, ashamed. “We just assumed that when Alexus left the Order, she would never return. Few who followed Revan are still alive.”

 

“Well somehow she survived.” I stood in front of the kolto tank. “If she should live, could she be retrained as a Jedi?”

 

She kept silent for a moment. “We’ll deal with that if and when it comes up.” She stood up to leave. “Did Ross know who she was? He did not refer to her by name.”

 

“I don’t think he knew. I hoped to tell him after we returned, but if she doesn’t make it...” I sighed deeply. “What should I tell him? Would it just hurt him to know that his sister had become a Sith, or would it give him some peace to know what happened to her?”

 

She was in the doorway and turned around. “Again, we’ll deal with that if and when the time comes. Please excuse me.” We bowed to each other and she left the room.

 

-----

 

I had been trying hard to focus my thoughts, yet I was so mentally exhausted that I should have tried to get to sleep. I just kept thinking of the tragic events that lead Alexus away from the Sith so close to war’s end. Ross had lost an arm and was on the brink of losing his sister. The thought of seeing them reunited had given me such excitement that I had forgotten that had only been in the brutal hands of the sith for four days. He was going to be in terrible shape when he woke up.

 

I hated waiting, but there was nothing else I could do. There was still work that had to be done, but I would have been too distracted to focus on my job. I thought I would have been so happy to be out of the Sith base, but I couldn’t escape that I was responsible for everything that had happened. Those five fighters with ten crew were shot down because Ross had to complete the mission without me. Ross had suffered so much because of me... I didn’t want to put him through any of that again.

 

Almost half an hour after Master Vash left me alone, I got a visitor who had come to ease my mind; Belaya. I was sitting next to Ross’s bedside and she took a seat next to me, but didn’t say anything for a long moment. “I never got a chance to thank you.”

 

I looked over my shoulder. “You would have done the same for me. You would have hated it, but you would have saved me.”

 

She looked me in the eye and, for the first time I’ve known her, expressed remorse. “I’d do it gladly next time.”

 

Those words soothed my mind greatly. I no longer felt like I was just a broken Sith, but that I had reason to be proud of myself. Despite everything that’s happened, I’ve saved many lives in the three months since I’ve been back. Hearing Belaya say she would hate to lose me almost sounded like forgiveness.

 

After a moment of silence, I got up from Ross’s bedside and checked on Alexus’s vitals again. Belaya stood by my side and watched the wounded Sith as she floated in the tank. “If I may ask...”

 

“Why did I save her?” I finished the question before she turned her head to face me.

 

“Was she a student of yours... on Korriban?”

 

For some reason, that question made me think of something else completely. Ross said Alexus had joined Revan during the Mandalorian Wars, which meant that she had to have at least been 16 standard years old when that happened. That meant she could have been as old as me. That didn’t mean that she left the Jedi exactly ten years ago, but the age difference between her and Ross could have been very significant. I wish I had been more interested in asking about Alastria when Ross spoke of her instead of telling him to abandon any hope of ever finding his long lost sister.

 

When I didn’t answer the question that was asked of me, Belaya addressed me again. “Yuthura?”

 

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

 

She looked agitated. “Was she a student of yours on Korriban? Is that how you got through to her?”

 

“No. We had never met.” I answered.

 

“What do you think will happen when she wakes up?”

 

“If she is revived.” I corrected. “I really don’t know. I just hope that she doesn’t go berserk when she finds herself underwater. I know what it’s like to find yourself where you didn’t expect to be.”

 

She nodded. “And if she does?”

 

I crossed my arms, not really as concerned about her waking up as I was that she would never open her eyes again. “Well she won’t pose a danger to anyone with a shattered leg. I’m just hoping she pulls through. I can deal with whatever happens after that.”

 

Belaya turned her attention to Ross. “I saw some of the live video when they were torturing Ross.” A moment of silence passed. “I, Anatoly, and Hayashi wanted to go in to rescue him, but Master Vash forbid us from leaving. She believed that they were trying to lure us into a trap.”

 

“That was the most likely reason they broadcasted the sessions. I think they were also trying to flush me, the master into the light.”

 

She turned to me with a scornful expression. “Why did it take you a week to act? The Sith made no mention of you, which was why Master Vash held us back. She kept saying that you were waiting for the right moment to act... but five days?”

 

“I was incapacitated and unable to help him. Had I been able, I would not have left him in the hands of those monsters. He and I are still alive because of her.”

 

“Ah... she saved your lives. That’s why you risked so much for one of them.”

 

I shook my head. “There’s more to it than that, but I don’t want to talk about it further.”

 

“Then I will speak of it no further, but I still wouldn’t trust her. She is still a Sith.”

 

“I was a Sith once, myself. Do you still not trust me?”

 

She stared at me as if afraid to express concerns that would have offend me. “I don’t trust her... and I hope you aren’t sympathizing because you share similar ties. You’ve proven yourself enough times that our suspicions were unwarranted, but that doesn’t mean she should receive the same respect. If she intends harm upon another, I will stop her.”

 

I got in front of Belaya in a confrontational manner. “No, you won’t. I, alone, am responsible for her.”

 

She looked back to Ross and then to me. “Are you talking about training her?”

 

I opened my mouth, but had nothing to say as I realized what I had seriously been thinking. I had let my imagination take me into a future that depended upon Alexus not only being revived, but turning back to the lightside. If she didn’t, I had no idea what I could tell Ross that wouldn’t leave him more wounded than he already was.

 

I went over to his side and pulled the blanket off his left arm to see again what he lost. The medics had dressed the wound, but he could not get a cybernetic replacement until he could be transferred to a real hospital. The sight of everything up to the elbow being gone reminded me that it was only the most obvious wound he had suffered.

 

The less obvious one was the psychological trauma he suffered over the course of four or five days of ceaseless pain and torment as I was resting soundly. He must have been very bitter that I did not save him. He may not have truly believed it, but I knew that he was going to act much different towards me than he had before. I only hoped that if Alexus pulled through, that he would not always think of me when he looked at that arm. Would he have believed things worked out better than if we both escaped that place together?

 

I finally answered the question that was asked of me. “That’s up to Alexus to decide, but my first duty is to Ross... however it may be.”

 

Belaya nodded and hovered over Ross across from me. “Unfortunately, he’s going to have to step up much sooner than would normally be expected for one so young as him.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Once this war is over once and for all, the Order is going to start breaking with traditions in order to do what’s necessary to rebuild our strength. The tradition of allowing anyone to chose to train a padawan or not... that’s going to be lifted. Anyone deemed worthy is going to be required to accept whomever needs to be trained.”

 

“What?”

 

She looked at me. “You have instructed on Korriban, so you would have had a padawan assigned to you one way or another. As soon as Ross recovers from this... from the experience he had just gone through... he will likely be promoted to a knight. Then you would have the option of her...” She gestured to Alexus. “...or there are many who would be much better candidates to train.”

 

My jaw almost dropped, but my mouth did not leave me looking like a fish gasping for air. “So Ross is going to have the same rank as me?”

 

She looked around as if expecting there were others around, watching us. Then she leaned over as if to gesture me to do the same so she could whisper. “I overheard Master Vash saying something. I can’t confirm for sure, but I think she was endorsing you for the rank of Master.”

 

I pulled back in disbelief. “When was this?!”

 

She raised her head and, with very little confidence, answered. “Shortly after you and Ross departed, she made a log entry that involved both of you acting above what your duty called for. I don’t know if...”

 

Suddenly, I heard a medical instrument start beeping near the kolto tank and saw movement from the one suspended in the liquid. Alexus had on a breathing mask, but nothing covering her eyes, so she did not have any idea what was going on if she were conscious. Belaya and I both had our attention on Alexus as we saw vague movement turn into a panicky struggle. Clearly, she was alive and conscious.

 

It must have been too great a shock to suddenly find herself submersed in liquid after the last thing she remembered was going 150 km/hour on a speeder bike and she unleashed a Force wave, shattering the tank. Shards of glass projected in all directions, roughly 500 liters of liquid was released spontaneously, and she collapsed to the floor of the tank, almost landing on the sharp, jagged edges. Her shattered bones could not possibly have healed in such a short period of time, so she was in great pain.

 

Belaya and I were far enough that little more than our boots were soaked by the flood of kolto and saline solution. We did get hit by a barrage of droplets and shards of glass that scattered across the room. One such shard cut into my left lekku. Despite only being a flesh wound, it caused an intense pain. Being only a flesh wound, I just accepted it and went straight to help Alexus, but Belaya was right behind and held me back. “Be careful!”

 

“She needs medical attention!” I broke free of her grip. “Check Ross’s vitals!”

 

“Ross is fine. He wasn’t...”

 

I turned my head back and shouted. “Check him! Or call for assistance!” Then I turned my attention back to Alexus, who was groaning in pain on the floor of the shattered kolto tank. She had not been in long enough to fully heal, so her injuries were still life threatening.

 

She was not aware of me and was wailing in agony at having landed on her shattered leg. The breathing mask was still over her face, so I had to remove it before she could be relocated to another tank. She did not acknowledge me, but I did what I could to comfort her until help arrived.

 

Belaya had called for medics and they arrived shortly afterwards to sedate Alexus and take her out on a stretcher to another kolto tank. My attention had been entirely on her, but after the medics sedated Alexus, I turned my attention to back to Ross, who was still unconscious and with Belaya hovering over him. “How is he?”

 

“No change. He’s still comatose, but his vitals are stable.”

 

“What?” I got by his bedside and touched his forehead. “That doesn’t make sense. He should be improving by now.”

 

“Wait a minute! What is going on? What is wrong with him? What is... her part in all this?”

 

I sighed, not concerned with holding back the secret anymore. “Alexus... has a bond with Ross. He had been keeping her alive through the bond, but fell into this state because of it. I was expecting that he was going to recover once she was able to sustain herself.”

 

“A bond? How did that happen? What happened to you out there?!”

 

I put my hands on Belaya’s shoulders. “Calm down. We need to get Master Vash. She’ll know what to do.”

 

She sighed and did as I asked. “She’s busy overseeing the troop rotation. Did you hear? Our troops here will get to go home.”

 

“Yeah... but many of them won’t.”

 

She turned around at the door. “People die in war. That’s why we Jedi try to avoid it at all costs. I hope that Ross doesn’t become another casualty.” Then she turned to leave, but as she went through the door, someone else came through before the door sealed shut.

 

I didn’t realize that I wasn’t alone because I wasn’t watching the door, so I had my attention entirely on Ross. I was still very tired and didn’t notice anyone else was there until I heard a shard of glass crack under his foot. I turned around instinctively, lightsaber in hand, and realized it was Canderous.

 

“Watch it!”

 

“Canderous? What are you doing here?”

 

His attention diverted to the shattered kolto tank. “You Jedi... your culture is a confusing one. You fight enemies determined to kill you, yet you spare them. That’s why they don’t fear you... they know that you won’t kill them.”

 

“What?”

 

He looked agitated that I didn’t understand. “You have the potential to be the greatest warriors the Galaxy has ever known, but you are too fixed on the desire for everyone to get along that you forget your priorities. To protect your allies, you must be ruthless to your enemies.” He gestured to the tank. “You should not have put her life ahead of yours. Do you think she would have done the same for you?” He gestured to Ross. “For him?”

 

“Do not seek to aggravate me. I was a fool to listen to you.” I hovered over Ross. “You’d better hope he pulls through for your sake.”

 

“Me?!”

 

“Yes, you! You’re the one who put the idea in my head to try and cripple the Sith with a desperate attack. If it weren’t for you, he would never have been captured!”

 

“From what I recall, you were the one who volunteered to do it. You were the one who took a child into that place! Don’t blame me for that!”

 

I stared at him scornfully, but soon realized that he was right. “Why are you here?”

 

“I wanted to pay my respects to the boy... and to you. If you’re going to be like this, then maybe I made a mistake coming here.” He turned to leave.

 

“Pay your respect? By insulting the Jedi? By spitting on the very thing that he suffered for?” I got in front of him. “You Mandalorians know nothing of what it means to be strong. Anyone can serve themselves, but only the strongest are those who can serve others. That’s why Revan was able to defeat you; because he was the greatest of the Jedi ever there were.”

 

He crossed his arms defiantly. “How would you know? You’ve only known that shadow, Alex Trevelyan. He is not Revan!” He moved his face within centimeters of mine. “Revan was strong. He was bold, devious, daring, clever... and he was Sith. That man doesn’t even know himself.”

 

“Then why do you continue to serve him if he’s so weak?!” I asked.

 

Just then, Master Vash came through the door with Belaya close behind her. At that moment, Canderous just turned away to leave. “Excuse me.” He said in a very disrespectful way.

 

“How is he?” Master Vash said, referring to Ross.

 

I just kept my eyes on Canderous as he exited and the door sealed behind him.

 

“Yuthura?”

 

I turned my attention back to her. “Alexus regained consciousness and is being moved to another Kolto tank. Ross is...” I gestured to him. “...the same.”

 

She nodded and went over to him. I stood where I was with Belaya close by and watching me. “Are you alright?”

 

My anger, which had been with Canderous suddenly shifted to its proper place... at the one responsible for making him come with me. I turned around, ignoring Belaya, and stood behind Vash as she hovered over Ross. “I didn’t want him to accompany me.”

 

She looked over her shoulder. “Excuse me?”

 

I got between her and Ross. “I did not want Ross with me when I went into that base... you forced him upon me.” I grabbed her robe and threw her against a wall. “This is your fault!”

 

Belaya moved to protect Vash, but she held her hand out to stop her.

 

“They tortured him for four days! Four days, he was left not knowing whether or not he was going to be rescued! He lost an arm because of you!” I shrieked.

 

She kept silent, not showing the fear wanted to see in her eyes. I hated seeing that stoic expression and even more that she was not letting Belaya get involved. I was almost hoping she would, but Vash was using her charismatic charm on me... and it worked. She smugly acted like there was no reason to fear me. Trevelyan used that trick on me as well, but it only worked when one could effectively hide their fear from the other.

 

In that moment, Master Vash left me too afraid to keep shouting. I slowly let go of her and backed away as I turned my back on her. A moment after that, I heard Belaya leave the room and Master Vash moved back to check on Ross rather than try to speak to me again. I felt even smaller by that.

 

After nearly a minute, I turned around and hesitated to speak again. “Please tell me that he’s going to live.”

 

She stood up, keeping her eyes on him. “I think he’ll make a full recovery. Now that she’s not depending on him, he’ll probably be up in a day or two.”

 

I exhaled very deeply as I sat at the foot of his bed. Quietly, I uttered, “Thank the Force.”

 

Master Vash sat beside me. “There’s something you should know. I had intended for you to go alone, but it was Ross who wouldn’t allow it.”

 

I looked at her for a long moment, confused. “What?”

 

“I didn’t want Ross to go with you. He was still a padawan. I wouldn’t have ordered you to go on such a dangerous mission if you had not volunteered. If you intended to take him against his wishes, then I would not have abided by it.” She faced me. “When I told him that you were going on a dangerous mission alone, he felt that you didn’t trust him. I said it was because you didn’t want to drag him into danger... that he would have been a liability...” She sighed. “He said that if you were going to face the Darkside again, that he didn’t want you to go in alone.”

 

“Did you think I needed... a supervisor or something?”

 

She hesitated. “I thought it would have been beneficial for you to have a friend along. I would have preferred someone more experienced, but it wouldn’t have been as convincing as a master and student.”

 

“Yeah... it actually would have been a good way to cover up something. Just say my student made a mistake.”

 

“Exactly, but like I said, it was Ross who volunteered. I tried to dissuade him, but he was very determined.” She stood up and faced me. “You really should get some rest. Ross will be fine.”

 

“And what about Alexus? What will become of her?”

 

Vash looked at Ross for a long while before giving me an answer. “That will depend on her. If he does not recognize her, you may choose whether to withhold or to tell him.”

 

“I think he has the right to know, I won’t withhold anything from him.”

 

She nodded. “What if she choses to return to the Sith? Would you tell him that his sister is not only alive, but seduced by the darkside and likely defiling everything that he’s fighting for?”

 

I just had a blank look on my face. I really didn’t know if it would have been best to just leave him thinking she was dead. But at the same time, what right did I have to hide that knowledge from him? “I’m hoping that I can convince her to leave the Sith. Ross would be her best hope.”

 

She looked very concerned. “The decision is yours, but be careful. Once something is known, it cannot be unknown. And something like this should be handled very delicately. Find her intentions before you tell him.”

 

“I would also like to keep them apart for the time being. I’ll deal with Alexus. Could you take care of Ross for a while?”

 

She smiled. “I’m afraid that I’m not going to be able to leave. Once Kavar’s troops arrive, I will be staying until our job is done.” She walked to the door and opened it. “Belaya...”

[Lance Monance]

Nice chapter. Looking forward to how things are going to unfold between Ross and Alexus, and also what's going to happen once Yuthura returns from that warzone and meets up with Revan (who might be a different person already?) again.

 

Anyway, I really enjoy this story, keep it up.

[Endorenna]

Whoops, missed it! Sorry for taking so long to comment.

 

I've read your revisions, and I thought they were excellent! The latest chapter is a great addition to the story, and it leaves me wondering where it's going (just like all of 'em ) As I usually say, keep up the good work!

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Very good Chapter DY, I like all the twists - the explaining of Ross and his sister's bond, Ross insisting on going not Vash...I liked it!

 

All of this keeps me wondering where you are going with the story. I like the way you ended this chapter, with Yuthura preparing to make tough decisions and waiting for Ross' recovery.

 

It will be interesting to see if Alex has changed...

 

~HOP

[Darth_Yuthura]

I've never truly established a main plot for this story beyond Yuthura's redemptio. I do have a direction and a new story arc coming up, but I need to conclude this one.. I don't know how far it will extend, but I'm trying to introduce new arcs as if randomly going from one conflict to a completely different subject.

 

To simply break the ice, I'm going to write two more chapters to end this story arc... which began almost two full pages ago. After the 'war arc' is completed, then she will be with Revan again... and then I'll see how far I can take it. The next chapter won't have Revan, but it will address their relationship in greater depth.

 

The next chapter is already written, but I need to edit it. I'll have it up tomorrow.

[Darth_Yuthura]

I know... I promised this a few days ago, but I have some obligations to deal with for the next week or so. This is still incomplete, but will not be ready for a few more days. I might as well post what's already done.

 

---------

 

Although I was given medical leave, I tried to remain useful to the soldiers who had spent five long months under constant threat. I watched many who stood and observed their replacements coming in clad in clean uniforms and without the battle fatigue that most from RS 159 suffered.

 

Mendoza was standing alone as the fresh troops stepped off the shuttles and onto their new battlefield. I was curious as to what he was thinking and stood beside him. When he noticed me, he just kept his head fixed on a group who passed by. “They’re almost like children. Few look as if they’ve seen combat before.”

 

I didn’t feel I had the right to say something prophetic, but I did. “Not for long.”

 

He looked over his shoulder. “I never got a chance to thank you for your help. In our darkest moment, you gave us something we haven’t had in a long time.”

 

I smiled. “What was that?”

 

“Hope.” He looked away. “At least... I didn’t really appreciate it at the time, but now that I look back on it...” He sighed. “I tried to keep up the morale of those under my command. I realize now that I failed.”

 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve had to deal with extreme conditions... well beyond what was expected of you.”

 

He shook his head. “That’s no excuse. These men were afraid and they should have been able to look to us, the officers for courage.” He dropped his head. “I could have done better. I should have acted like an officer until the very end, but I didn’t.”

 

I stepped in front of Mendoza. “You say that now only because you know what has happened. It’s easy to look back on something and judge a person’s actions based on what we now know. Before we arrived, you did not know whether you had to keep going for another week, a month... in fact, you had no idea if your men were even going to survive at all.”

 

“An officer should be able to hide his feelings from his subordinates. He should be able to smile at them even if it is the last thing he wanted to do. That’s all I had to do was smile, be complimentary, and it would have made all the difference to them.” He said with guilt.

 

“Tell me... did you do that for the first 90 days that you were here?”

 

He went into deep thought. “I don’t really know when it happened. It was a very gradual thing.”

 

“Well I think that you did exactly as you were expected, but once 90 days was passed, that’s when it started.” I explained.

 

“Nothing in battle is certain. We’ve been taught to push ourselves beyond what is expected of us. Just because we were supposed to be rotated off the front lines in 90 days didn’t mean I could just choose to neglect my responsibilities to my men.” He said.

 

“You were not simply asked to serve longer than you expected, you were left here indefinitely. I assure you that if you knew exactly how long you had to be here, it would have been easier to maintain hope. Even you didn’t know if you were ever going to survive this place. That kind of stress day after day would have made anyone weary.”

 

He looked at me with shame still apparent in his eyes.

 

“Don’t feel ashamed. These were extreme circumstances and you did the best you could. It may not seem that, but it’s only because the ordeal is over. If you had known then what you know now, would you have done things differently?”

 

His eyes shifted. “Yes?”

 

I nodded. “Exactly. You didn’t know, therefore you shouldn’t make assumptions based on circumstances that you had no control over.”

 

He sighed and leaned his head to one side. “Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it doesn’t really make me feel any better. I know what I did and nothing you say will change that.”

 

I raised my hands to gesture that I’d stop. “It’s your choice. I’ll say from experience that it’s a mistake to punish yourself over something that you could not influence. I frequently beat myself up over acts I’ve done. I could have avoided those mistakes if I had listened to the advice of my master.” I crossed my arms and stepped in front of him. “One of my friends was almost killed because of another mistake I made. I don’t lose any sleep over it. You know why?”

 

He just stared as if silently say ‘well?’

 

“Because I had only a fraction of a second to act. Although it was within my ability to throw that grenade away before it exploded, I had only had a fraction of a second to act. Although I made a mistake, there was very little I could have done to change that. I could just as easily have been too late and we’d both be dead.” I put a hand on his shoulder. “What happened over the last two months was almost nothing like what happened in a fraction of a second, but they were both unpreventible.”

 

He closed his eyes and nodded his head. “Thanks. I guess I’m just frustrated at all those who’ve died. I wish people would know why they died, but this whole thing will be remembered as a pointless siege.” He brushed his hand under his chin. “At least we get to go home.” Then he smiled, almost with tears in his eyes. “Do you have a home... other than the temple?”

 

I was never asked that question before, but I came to realize that I didn’t know if I really had one. Sleheyron had been my home for many years, but I never wanted to return to that horrible world. Dantooine had become my home for three years, but it was gone, as were many of the people I’ve known there. Korriban was the only place I’ve lived where I ‘fit in,’ but at the same time, its very essence was everything I hated.

 

The Jedi Temple... that was different. I was welcomed, but that came for granted to anyone. I was treated as one of them, yet I remained an outcast. I finally earned their trust, yet I could no longer trust them. The Council tried to exile me because I could use passion to fuel my connection to the Force when they couldn’t. I couldn’t possibly consider even the Temple to be home.

 

“No. Every home I’ve ever known is either gone or I could no longer go back.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that. Can I ask a question?”

 

“Of course, but it doesn’t mean I have to answer.” I replied.

 

“Why do you Jedi fight to protect the Republic? If you have nothing to protect... no home or loved ones... why would anyone want to live like that?”

 

I chuckled, then I extended my arm and pulled a backpack to it with the Force. I presented it to Mendoza. “Wouldn’t you?”

 

“Well I wish I could do all that, but I wouldn’t like having to be told what to think, how to act, or all the other things that go with it.” He gestured to my weapon. “I admit that those are fascinating, but I think that anyone who values a lightsaber above anything else... I may have a personal attachment to my gun, but only because it can keep me alive. I value my friends much more than...” He reached for his gun and pulled it out of the holster. “...this.”

 

The manner in which he held his weapon was... interesting. Whenever Master Vrook held his lightsaber, he gripped it almost with a passion. It was as if to prominently display the weapon in his hand as being the most important thing to him. Mendoza just held his blaster loosely and just glanced at it only as a gesture. For some reason, that simple act seemed to speak volumes in how valuable something was just by the way one griped an object.

 

He continued. “This blaster’s sentimental value is worth less to me than the weapon itself. The moment it doesn’t do its job, I’m replacing it. The only reason I prefer this over another blaster is because it saved my life on more than one occasion. Beyond that, it’s only as important to me as what it can do.” He put it back in the holster. “You treat your lightsaber as if it’s more important than your life. That’s just wrong.”

 

I smiled very cheerfully at him. “You’re an interesting man, Mr. Mendoza. Most people are so astounded by what we can do that they don’t consider the sacrifices that come from it. Tell me... do you have a family?”

 

He tilted his head forward as if it were a painful subject. “I did... a wife.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that. What happened to her?”

 

“No. She didn’t die. We are just not together anymore.”

 

“Why not? Because of your duty to the Republic?”

 

“We couldn’t have children. She was a Sharu and I was a human.” He said. “She had always wanted some, but we loved each other... deeply.”

 

“Didn’t she know that before she chose to share her life with you?”

 

He stared at me for a while. “Of course. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into long before that, but we didn’t think it mattered. We loved each other and we thought it was enough.” He turned away and smiled. “For about three years, we were very happy... but we couldn’t escalate our relationship beyond what we had. I was satisfied with that, but Oberon was not. And because I was constantly moving from one station to another in the Republic, we didn’t have anything but each other... and that was not enough.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that?”

 

He looked as though he were holding back tears. “When she told me that she had to leave... I asked her if she still loved me.” He dropped his head in sadness. “She said she loved me more than her own life, as I did for her.” Another pause came about. “Yet she said that if we loved each other, we had to let go of what we had. I tried to convince her to stay... I resigned from the Republic Fleet so I could settle somewhere that we could call home. One night, she left and didn’t tell me where she had gone.”

 

“Did you try to find her?”

 

He shook his head. “In her final message to me, she said that she didn’t want me to sacrifice everything to find her. If I did, she would sacrifice everything to get lost again. She said that she did it because she loved me... and that if I loved her, I would let her go.”

[Lance Monance]

Hm.. I wonder what Yuthura will think about that last sentence..perhaps she starts to think different about her own relationship(s)?

[Darth_Yuthura]

Alright. Just to end the suspense, she says it was better that she and Revan couldn't spawn an offspring. A relationship could have been kept secret, but a child... not so easy to cover up.

 

This chapter is meant to foreshadow that Revan and Yuthura have differences that are absolute. Although they were drawn to each other, knowing it was a mistake, they never really faced that there would always be barriers that couldn't be overcome. What Mendoza said will be disregarded, but always be on the back of her mind.

[Darth_Yuthura]

The last chapter isn't done, but I just wanted to continue.

 

-----

 

When Alexus was removed from the tank, she was clad only in her undergarments, so some new cloths were ready for her. I and a nurse moved her into a private room, where I thought would have been the best place for her to wake up. She was sedated so that there would have been no surprises like the last time. Before I was ready to revive her, Master Vash told me that she would be ready to help, but insisted she not be present due to being a Jedi and because it was a private matter not involving her.

 

I injected her with the hypospray and watched her slowly come back to life. Although she had been injected with a tranquilizer before that, I knew once she was conscious, her advanced immune system could have neutralized the effects. Her hair was still soaking wet, but the rest of her body had been dried and I covered with a blanket... just in case she had issues with modesty.

 

When she opened her eyes, I braced for what might have happened after she saw me. To my surprise, she looked at me without going berserk.

 

I hovered over her. “How are you feeling?”

 

She leaned forward, letting the blanket fall to her hips. Apparently, she had no problem with modesty. “I... was in a kolto tank.”

 

“Yes. You had been revived early and shattered the one you were in. You hadn’t fully healed at that point, so you were moved to another. How are you feeling now?”

 

She shook her head. “I feel nothing.”

 

“You’re numb?”

 

“No. I mean there’s no pain.” She moved her eyes to my hip and I felt the lightsaber unclip itself and move to her hands.

 

When I saw the blue blade suddenly appear in front of me, I leaped back and got in a defensive stance. I held my position and prepared to throw her back if she tried to attack me, but she just sat there as if waiting for me to make the first move. When it didn’t come, she spoke in a threatening manner, “Don’t... ever... touch my lightsaber again.”

 

I nodded, but didn’t move from my position. “I won’t.”

 

Then she retracted the blade, but kept it in a ready position.

 

I stood back for a moment. “Could you put that away? There is no need for it.”

 

“Am I a prisoner?”

 

“No. But if you become violent, you will be.”

 

“Not if I take you hostage.”

 

I frowned at her. “I’m not helpless. You are free to leave if that is what you want, but I was hoping to talk with you first.” I stepped towards her. “You don’t need that here. Please set it aside.”

 

“Where’s yours?”

 

“I gave it to Ross.”

 

That caught her attention. “Where is he?”

 

“He’s been taken to a hospital on Coruscant. You couldn’t be moved while in a Kolto tank. You’re at the Republic fuel station.”

 

She lowered the lightsaber to rest on the bed next to her, but kept holding onto it. Although I was confident she didn’t intend to use it, I would have felt safer if she put it down. After a moment, she gestured to me. “Why are you still wearing those?”

 

It took me a moment to realize she meant my tattoos. “These? They’re genuine, actually.”

 

“Sith tattoos?” She said, not convinced.

 

“I got them while I was on Korriban. Have you been there?”

 

“No. What’s your story?” She said in a very disrespectful manner.

 

I was expecting hostility, so I just accepted her tone and answered. “I was with the Sith for about four years. I left them behind a few months ago and came back to the Jedi Order. Shortly before coming to this planet, Ross asked me to be his master; I accepted. We were sent on a mission and the rest you probably know.”

 

She leaned her head to one side. “He asked... you... to instruct him?” She spoke in a sardonic tone.

 

“Yes. He also told me about you, but only very little.”

 

“Let me guess... you want to ask about me now?”

 

I shrugged my shoulders. “If I did, would you tell me?”

 

“If you are indeed a Sith, you’d already know anything I tell you would be a lie.” She said, smiling maliciously.

 

“Alexus... or could I call you Alastria?”

 

“I don’t go by that name anymore.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I just don’t. That’s all you need to know.”

 

I realized that we were not going to speak on good terms as long as she was in her underwear and holding that lightsaber, so I changed to another subject. “I think you would like to take a shower and clean off that kolto from your hair and skin. That must be itchy.”

 

She brushed her hand through her red hair and felt the kolto had encrusted the strands like a paste. She clearly didn’t want the hair to dry like that.

 

“You have your own shower and a change of cloths. I’ll give you some privacy. When would you like me to return?”

 

She didn’t answer.

 

“I’ll check on you in half an hour. Would you also like something to eat?”

 

“I can tend to myself.”

 

I nodded. “Alright, I leave you to it.” Then I moved towards the door, refusing to watch her, despite every instinct being to not let my guard down. Alexus was always watching me for deception, but I had to give her reason to remain calm. I remembered when Master Vash did not react when I had her against the wall. That’s why I tried to emulate her... I felt that I would get a more positive reaction from Alexus if I willingly let my guard down.

 

Sith often regarded such acts as weakness, but I had come to respect the strength that went into it. It was either the act of a fool, or the act of one so powerful that the other wasn’t a threat. It was odd to think so much about such a small act, but for some reason, I never forgot the times I’ve been ignored by Trevelyan, Master Vash, and Uthar. They were not fools... they knew I could have killed them in those moments, but by not showing any regard for me, they portrayed themselves as much stronger than they really were.

 

The more I thought more about such small acts, the more complex they became. It was like reverse psychology portrayed by our reactions to a particular situation. It was like poker where you raise the stakes to reinforce your bluff. It was like a leader pretending to always know the answer, even if she did not. All these things I had to keep in mind if I were to get through to Alexus.

 

The only way I could turn her from the Darkside was if I showed that I was stronger as a Jedi than a Sith. Although I knew it to be true, if I couldn’t show it to Alexus, then she would only disregard me.

 

-----

 

 

After a huge sigh of dread, I was unable to move away from the door after it sealed itself behind me. I was about to lock it when I realized the futility of it, so I just took off in any direction I could. When I found a hallway that lead to OPS, I followed it so I could find Master Vash. I needed her advice.

 

When I arrived, someone told me that she was with the troops who had just arrived. That frustrated me further because I only had half an hour to find her, get the advice I needed, and return to check on Alexus. Considering how difficult it would have been to find Master Vash outside, I realized that I would have felt much better if I simply had a lightsaber with me.

 

Suddenly, I realized that I could just build a new one within the half hour I had. All the parts were easy enough to fabricate and I intended to build a new one anyway, so I went right for the nearest workbench I could find.

 

There were some parts I replaced from Ross’s lightsaber which I could repair and use for a new one. The hilt would have been more difficult to forge, but a simple cylinder would have been much easier to make... only ten minutes. The lens from Ross’s saber was fractured, but I was able to melt down the glass and, with some use of the Force, mold into its proper shape. I found the right sized power cell, emitter matrix, and...

 

Just as I was about to put everything together, I realized I forgot about the focusing crystal. Although they could be synthesized, that required days to forge. I was suddenly filled with disappointment and reacted with little maturity.

 

Then I realized that I did have a crystal with me... the one that Alfred gave me almost a decade ago. Since Nar Shadaa, I had not worn that necklace, but I kept it with me. It was in a pocket, but I was hesitant to reach for it. The Uphari crystal was very small and may not have worked at all, but I didn’t like the idea of being unarmed in the presence of a Sith. Although it was not my desire to use it one her, just having it might have made her less inclined to attack me.

 

I held the necklace in front of me and stared for a long moment before I focused my mind on the metal holding the crystal in place and delicately pried it away. I was careful to cause as little harm to the necklace because I intended to return the crystal to its proper place once I got a replacement. When it was loose, I took it and started putting everything together as fast as I could.

 

Once everything was in place and the power cell attached, I activated it and out came a blue blade of energy. That allowed me to sigh in relief. I felt much better knowing that I had a means of protecting myself, but at the same time, it reminded me that the last thing I wanted was to actually use it. I disengaged the blade and concealed the weapon. Alexus didn’t know I had it and it was best to leave it that way.

 

-----

 

I was surprised just how much better it was to have a lightsaber with me than not. I knew beforehand that Alexus was going to be dangerous, but I didn’t intend to return her lightsaber until I was confident that she wouldn’t use it. Now that she had it, I felt that an already difficult situation had become more volatile.

 

For some reason, I started thinking about why exactly I felt so impotent against Alexus just because she had a lightsaber and I did not. An unarmed Sith was far from helpless. Although a Jedi was not defined by her weapon, a Jedi with a lightsaber was far more capable than one with the Force alone. Some may argue with that, but I knew I felt better having one with me when I returned to Alexus’s quarters.

 

When she didn’t answer the door chime, I just assumed she was ignoring me, but I didn’t sense anyone beyond the door. I went in to confirm she was gone. Suddenly, I was terrorized at the thought of losing her, or worse, that she had killed others.

 

It wasn’t difficult to figure out where she was going, but I knew that she couldn’t escape in any of the ships that were in the hanger. None of them had a hyperdrive, so she couldn’t escape the planet with one of them. I just hoped she didn’t do anything stupid like try to escape on her own. Hopefully, I could have intercepted her before an incident happened.

 

-----

 

I had run through the hallways, looking for any dead bodies, but found that there was no chaos from her quarters all the way to the hanger. Once there, I found three mechanics on the floor, but they were just stunned. I found it peculiar that she didn’t just kill them, but I couldn’t focus on that at the moment. I saw too many fighters to count whether one was missing, so I looked to the nearest ships and realized one of the canopies was sealed while the others were left open. From my perspective, I could not see her, but I suspected she was in that fighter and just didn’t know how to bypass the encryption code to start up the computer.

 

I approached and quietly pounced on the fighter and opened the backseat canopy. Alexus looked over her shoulder in a threatening way, but I climbed into the backseat. A moment of silence came between us. “You know, even if you could start up this fighter, you wouldn’t escape the system.”

 

“I’ll take my chances.”

 

“There is no chance of leaving without help. I’ve already offered you a chance to go wherever you want. Why didn’t you wait for me in your quarters?”

 

She turned herself around in the pilot’s seat to face me directly. “You said you used to be a Sith? Either you’re lying, or you know nothing of us.”

 

“I know why... never trust another. Because when you do that, your fate is no longer in your hands.” I crossed my arms. “The problem is that your fate has been in my hands ever since you were in that accident. Now I’m willing to help you get to wherever you want, but if you’re going to be hostile, that offer will no longer stand.”

 

She sat back down in the pilot’s seat and remained silent for a long moment. Right before I was about to continue, she gave an answer. “If you deliver on your part, I’ll cooperate. If I get any indication that you’re trying to deceive me, you’ll regret it.”

 

“I won’t, but you’re going to have to behave while you’re here. If you don’t, I will restrain you... that is not negotiable. I will not allow you to endanger others for as long as you are our guest.”

 

“Guest? I don’t make good company, so why don’t I just leave now and spare you all some trouble?”

 

I paused for a moment before answering. “We’re not expecting another supply ship for another three days, so we’re going to be here for a while longer.”

 

She turned around again and very sternly said, “You promised me a way off this rock.”

 

“And I will deliver on it, but we can’t exactly leave if there is no ship available to take us to Coruscant. From there you can go wherever you want.”

 

“Then let’s get something straight; I never agreed to stay. Since you’ve forced me here, I’m under no obligation to ‘behave.’ If you or anyone have a problem with me...”

 

“Then you won’t receive room and board. You can take a survival shelter and wait outside for a few days by yourself until the next supply ship arrives. Would that sound better for you? I’m sure everyone else would prefer not having you around either, but if you follow the rules, you can have a more comfortable stay. This isn’t a hotel, but it’s better than being in the scorching heat and living off field rations.”

 

She rolled her eyes back, clearly displaying her distaste for the arrangement, then sat back in her seat. “Fine, I’ll abide by your rules, but if someone tries something foolish, I will show them who’s boss.”

 

“The boss here is Master Vash. Not me. Not you.”

 

She turned around again. “Vash... she’s here?”

 

“That’s right. Now I might not be intimidating to someone like you, but I assume you would not dismiss her so easily.”

 

She sighed and fell back into the seat, but didn’t say anything more.

 

When I realized there was nothing more to talk about, I changed the subject. “In the meantime, I would imagine you must be hungry. Kolto can be very draining, especially when you’ve suffered extreme injuries. What do you say about getting some breakfast?”

 

-----

 

Alexus was not very fond of my company and made it very apparent just by her tone and body language. I told her that she needed to be supervised whenever she was in public, but that was only so I could get to know and, hopefully, influence her for the better. At first, I was doing it because I wanted to see her and Ross reunited, but I soon came to understand that I was doing it more and more for personal reasons.

 

Trevelyan convinced me to leave the Sith because he asked questions and left me to answer them. For some reason, I saw much of myself in Alexus. Maybe Ross saw much of her in me. Either way, I intended to do whatever I could for her if she were willing to listen. At least I had some leverage over her, so there was no better time to talk about more... sensitive subjects.

 

When Alexus sat down to eat, I tried not to stare, but I wanted to read her body language in order to learn who I was dealing with. We got our food from a buffet and I noticed how little food she had taken the first time through. She must have been hungry, but what she took barely constituted a meal.

 

Her table manners were excellent and the rate at which she ate was much slower than mine. She didn’t eat like a Sith at all... she looked like she was at a dinner party in front of friends. I just couldn’t imagine why she kept the proper etiquette when there was nothing at stake.

 

She did notice my stares, but just ignored me for the first few minutes. It wasn’t until I said something that she faced me. “You know... you don’t need to worry so much about maintaining proper table manners. You’re not going to be thrown out because you gorge yourself or don’t say ‘please.’ That's just etiquette, not rules.”

 

She politely stopped eating and set down the utensils before responding. “The average Sith would claim that manners are what the weak specialize in. They’re just too lazy or undisciplined to learn them. Keeping a good image gets you much further than a poor one.”

 

“Well most don’t need to know how to talk if they know how to intimidate their way into getting what they want. That was the difference between Revan and Malak.”

 

She nodded, but then turned back to her meal as if that was all to say.

 

I was not going to just let her just ignore me, so I thought of another question that she might have been more sensitive to. “If I may ask, why did you change your name?”

 

She was about to take another bite, but stopped and let her arm drop to the table, irritated. “I just did. That’s all you need to know.”

 

“Is it a sensitive subject?” I asked.

 

She continued staring forward, not at me. “It’s not one that really concerns you.”

 

“Then what’s the harm in telling me? Before you say that it could be a liability, then I'll ask how such knowledge could be used against you.”

 

“I don’t know why you’re so interested. Usually, when someone’s interested, they always have hidden intentions.” She twined her fingers and faced me. “Yours are obvious... you want to convert me. There would have been no other reason why you would have risked your life for an enemy unless you wanted something from me.” She smiled very smugly. “So before I answer your question, then tell me how I would stand to benefit from it.”

 

I felt like I was snapped back. Because she knew that I had other motives, she was not going to be as easy to convince as I had hoped. I tried to give an honest answer that would have been meaningful enough for her. “You share a Force bond with Ross. I was once told that those bonds only happen between people who are close. I think that there was more to what you did than simply saving him to spare you of his pain.”

 

She shook her head. “You know nothing of us, so don’t try to make assumptions about something you don’t understand.”

 

I smiled as if to extend something important in my expression. “I’d like to understand. I’d like to know about the one who saved my padawan. I’d like to know who to thank.”

 

She lowered her head as if coming to a sad realization that she’d never really faced. “What do you already know?”

 

“Only that you went to the Mandalorian Wars and that you saved Ross when it mattered most. Other than that...”

 

“I was with the Jedi for only two years, but it was at a time when war was just over the horizon. While I was trying to find my place with the Order, Revan emerged and I was soon drawn between him and the Council.”

 

“What brought you to follow Revan? If I had to choose one side that supported war, or one that told me we weren’t obligated to participate, I wouldn’t have been as brave as you to recognize what had to be done.”

 

She gave an unreadable expression, but didn’t look to me. “It wasn’t like that. I just felt like I had nothing left to protect.”

 

“Left? Did you lose something or someone to the Mandalorians? Something that would not have been lost had the Jedi acted earlier?”

 

She continued keeping her head down. “Serocco.”

 

Serocco was one of the first planets to be lost in the war. Obviously, she said the name of her home world. “I’m sorry to hear that. Ross never mentioned where you two came from. I thought he would have said something like that.”

 

“He probably doesn’t remember. He was only five when we were accepted into the Order. And they likely didn’t want him to remember his prior life.”

 

“How old were you when you were accepted?” I asked.

 

She rested her chin upon her wrist, which rested upon the table. “I was fifteen.”

 

“Fifteen?!” I quietly exclaimed. “How did you get into the Order at such an advanced age?”

 

“I had nowhere else to go; no family, no home.”

 

“You lived in a slum?”

 

She faced me and gently nodded. “It wasn't always like that. I had parents who were among the labor class of workers. They weren't wealthy, but they got by with just me to support." I saw her look away as if about to rehash something dreadful. "My mother eventually got a better job and for a while, they had a hopeful future for all of us. Instead, they decided to have a second child."

 

"Ross?"

 

She nodded. "Ross."

 

"So what happened?"

 

She lowered her head with some latent anger becoming apparent. "My mother died in childbirth for Ross. My father, he was left to supporting two children with barely enough to support me with my mother's earnings." She looked as though she were reliving the memories in her head for the first time in a long while. "I remembered seeing him cry almost every day after trying so hard to work to support us. I had to leave school to care for Ross, but I think that my father just wanted to burry his memories of my mother by working every waking hour." She released a painful sigh. "A month later, he took his own life.” She looked on the verge of tears. “All their hopes and dreams... and mine... he took that all away from us.” She got up from the table. “Look, I don’t want to be reacquainted with him. We each got on with our lives and things ultimately worked out for the best. Nothing I tell you would make any difference now. If you want to tell him about me, you may do so, but I don’t want to see him again. Please excuse me.”

 

Damn! Her story was getting intense and I wanted to know what happened after that. If she hated Ross, then how did she establish a bond with him? Why was the bond one way? What did she and he do over the five years before the Order took them?

 

I was so close, but I got her to speak about a very sensitive subject. I was just asking why she changed her name and she went into detail about her earliest years. I was positive that I could reach her if I had enough time... I just hoped that four days would have been enough to convince her to stay at the temple for a while.

 

-----

 

I remembered when I was on Korriban and had Revan badgering me to speak up about my past. I never realized how patient he had to have been until I tried to do the same with another Sith. Alexus was very suspicious of my every attempt to learn about her and Ross, but she never threatened me.

 

I was surprised at how difficult it was to connect, but she made it even worse by isolating herself and even having her meals delivered to her room. I kept trying to ‘drop by’ and find some reason to get her to leave, but she was determined to be left alone. On the third day, I realized that she was not going to open her heart in the way that Revan had with me. If I were ever to convince her turn away from the Sith, I had to present myself as the more dominant one.

 

When I came by her quarters, she told me to go away, but I commanded her to let me enter. When she dismissed me again, I bypassed the lock and walked in.

 

“I said I want to be left alone. Get out!”

 

“You are not entitled to be here. If it weren’t for me, you would either be dead or in a holding cell. I deserve some answers.” I demanded.

 

“I don’t owe you anything. In fact, you owe me for saving your padawan’s life.”

 

“You saved Ross for your own reasons. I am grateful that you did, but it was not for him or me.” I got right in front of her. “I owe you nothing.”

 

“I helped you escape that place and you agreed to give me a flight to anywhere I want. If you try to cheat me...”

 

“You’ll what? You’ve got no chance of leaving this place if you become hostile. You are welcomed to try, but I think you want to leave and would rather not die needlessly.”

 

“You say you were once a Sith? I don’t think so because you never would have survived a day thinking like that.”

 

I paced in front of her. “Only the strongest survive and the weak perish, yet you would have died if I had followed that belief. Passion drives every Sith to be free of all restrictions. To be and do whatever you want...” I faced her. “If you were true to the ways of the Sith, you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to be placed in the hands of your enemies.”

 

She looked confused, but then gave me a look of anger. “You know nothing of loyalty or honor. If you seek to turn me against my own people, I should kill you where you stand!”

 

“Is that what you[i/] want? If so, then there is nothing stopping you...”

 

She grabbed her lightsaber, but didn’t activate it yet.

 

That was unexpected and I almost gasped in fear. “...Or maybe we can keep talking.”

 

She smiled, still holding the saber in a ready position, but lowered it. “You see? You shriveled in fear. Do you seriously expect me to believe you were ever one of us? You are small, weak, and pathetic... what makes you think that you can boss me around?”

 

“Why? Because I’m afraid and you’re not? Hate to say it, but those without fear are often those who have nothing left to lose. Do you seriously think that because no one can scare you, it’s because you’re stronger? I was once like that. I was free of fear and thought that it was what I always wanted... I was once a slave to a master who always used fear to control me, but it came with a price. I had to sacrifice everything that mattered to me and I was no longer afraid... because I no longer had anything worth risking.”

 

She looked as though she were about to oppose what I said, but when she opened her mouth, no words were uttered. It was as though something that would natural come to mind was no longer present. Often, we speak instinctively without having to think, but she was unable even to articulate her thoughts. I thought that she was trying to find a way to object, but she was really searching her soul for something she valued... something that she had worth losing. Nothing came to mind. “I don’t need anything or anyone.”

 

“Is that what you want? Do you really want to be alone the rest of your life safe in the knowledge that you will never be afraid because you will never have anything worth losing?” I put my hand under her chin to gently move her head to face me. “Actually there is one thing you still have. He doesn’t know yet, but you can tell him.”

 

“I never wanted a brother. He made me lose everything I ever loved.” She said as I could see the pain behind her eyes.

 

“How? What did he do that inflicted such a loss upon you?” She looked away, almost breaking into tears, but forced those tears from coming. I felt she needed to let those tears come without any restrictions. “What happened after you lost your father?”

 

She turned completely away and I left her to express her feelings out of my sight. “I was only ten, but I couldn’t find anyone else to take care of Ross. My father had left some money, but there was only so far it could go.”

 

“Did the Jedi find you, or did you seek them out?”

 

“They found us... five years later.”

 

“That took a lot for you at only ten to care for a child. You were still one, yourself.”

 

She shook her head. “I couldn’t just... get rid of him. They didn’t have laws to ensure he was given to a proper caretaker, so I was made responsible for him. At first, I just tried to ignore him. I thought he had no right to be whining and crying and I had no obligation to him.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“I was still hurt because I had just lost both my parents in only a month and left with... Ross.” She sat on the bed and faced me. “I hated him. He was like a symbol of everything that I lost and I wanted to throw him away and forget it all.”

 

“Alexus...”

 

She held her hand up to hush me. “I know. Both our parents chose to have him... he was just an infant who couldn’t even recognize his own fingers. If I should have hated anyone, it was my father for abandoning me. I hated him even more because he left Ross in my hands and I couldn’t escape it.”

 

I was very saddened to hear of her loss. I didn’t know what it must have been like to have something and to lose it all, but be left with a burden that would never allow her to forget. “It sounds to me like you hate your father alone. That is understandable, but why Ross? You said yourself that he was just a symbol, but was not the one who inflicted such a loss upon you.”

 

“What does it matter to you?!” She shrieked out. “What good would it be to introduce ourselves shortly before we part company again?”

 

I paused for a moment, realizing that she was still expecting to return to the Darkside. “You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. There is no reason you can’t stay on Coruscant for a few days before you leave... where do you intend to go anyway?”

 

“Wherever I choose. And I don’t want to be followed.”

 

“Alexus, the Sith are dying. Even if you went back, it would only be a matter of time before you lose it all... either to them or to the Republic.”

 

She stood up and walked to a mirror to stare at her reflection. “I don’t think there is anything left. I never got my life back on track since then.”

 

“Then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Come back with me and you can...”

 

“I’ve already been with the Jedi. They didn’t accept me then, they wouldn’t accept me now.”

 

“I can assure you a place in the Order if you ask it of me.”

 

She leaned her head to one side. “Do you know why I went to war with Revan? We went to the war, not expecting to come back. It was in life that I couldn’t survive.”

 

“Are you saying that you want to die?”

 

She looked at her reflection again. “I think I died a long time ago, but was never brave enough to do it myself. I thought that in the war, it would eventually come... but every time I stared death in the eye, I pulled back and did whatever it took to stay alive.” She released a pained chuckle. “So many died who had lives and families to come back to. I had nothing to lose, but somehow never lost what little was left.”

 

“Alexus... you still have a brother who has never forgotten about you. The reason why I sent you back with him was because I could not imagine the thought of telling him that I left his sister behind to die in order to save myself. If you had died, he would have felt for your loss... I would have felt for you.” I paced around, trying to come up with the right words. “I can’t keep this secret. I’m going to tell him about you... he deserves to know that much.”

 

“No, he doesn’t. The only reason I told you of me; I guess I just wanted some one to know of the sacrifice I made for him. His life was founded upon the ashes of mine...” She started weeping and slowly slid onto the floor with her back against the wall and her head buried in her arms.

 

I sat down next to Alexus, but did not extend an arm to comfort her. Somehow, I didn’t think she wanted to be comforted.

 

She told me more. “They never appreciated what I did for him... the Jedi.”

 

“Never appreciated? What are you talking about?”

 

“When they found us, they wanted to take Ross and leave me behind. They didn’t care what I did to provide for us... they just assumed I was too far gone. They were more interested in taking him than in doing what was best for both of us.”

 

“I thought you were accepted into the Order? What happened?”

 

She leaned her head back, breathing heavily. “Not at first. They just wanted Ross, but I wouldn’t just give him to them. I said that if they wouldn’t take me, then I would not let him go.”

 

“I thought you would have been glad to give him to the Jedi. Why would you....”

 

“I sacrificed everything for him!” She wailed. “I wanted a new life for myself and he was my ticket out of that miserable place. They said that I was being selfish by... using him like a commodity... blackmailing them into taking me at the risk of my brother’s future. They accepted me, but always made me feel like I was... a vassal to my brother. That I would not have been on Dantooine had it not been for him.”

 

“It sounds like there was more to it than that.” I said.

 

She inhaled deeply. “You said you were once a slave? Did your master... did he ever have you...?”

 

“Many times, yes.”

 

She stared. “That was how I provided for us on Serocco. Almost every day for two years... even after it stopped, others continued calling me ‘whore.’ They made it seem like it was wrong that I wanted to get away from that. When it was public knowledge, no one wanted anything to do with me. I felt as though my new life had been tainted by the first.”

 

“Why were they allowed to do that? Students are forbidden from persecuting other students. Weren’t you protected from that kind of treatment?”

 

“Who do you think they believed?”

[Rev7]

Though I haven't been posting about your story, I have done my very best to get caught up with it. Just read your last chapter and was impressed--as always. You made Yuthura seem so calm, and at peace when she was talking to Alexus--which is a remarkable feat compared to where she once was. The last chapter was very fluid, and flowed really well. Yuthura was stern, yet compassionate. She really cared about what Alexus had to say. Really great job with the story Darth_Yuthura--it has been very entertaining and full of suspense. Keep up the great work!

[Darth_Yuthura]

Thank-you. Next chapter is already done, but will hold it for a while.

 

I'm also letting readers know that I'm starting to have repetitious problems as I've been starting the 'Revan/Trevelyan' story arc. One of the things I've been trying to do as the story progressed was skip through blocks of needless conversation that just stall the story and don't really go anywhere.

 

PS: I would appreciate feedback in regards to aspects of the story that come with its length. One of the reasons why I started doing a revision of early chapters was because I didn't expect this to go on for so long. If readers have any comments in regards to what I have done or could do to make new chapters 'unique,' I would be very thankful for that.

 

The next chapter will end the 'war arc' once and for all!

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Wow...just wow...

 

This chapter really connected me to Alexus. I admit, that going into this chapter I didn't care for her, but after this I feel for her character. You have made her so complex inso short a time. I find that incredible. The paralell between Alexus and Yuthura and Yuthura and Revan was a great connection. I think that made the chapter.

 

I don't think anybody expected this story to go this long (though we are all happy that it did.) Firstly, I would like to commend you for your dedication to the work. It is not often you see fics this long.

 

Honestly, what I think is most unique is all the different people Yuthura affects and the diversity of issues she has dealt with. The only unique thing I can think of would be a chapter (certainly not an arc) but one chapter where Yuthura can just relax. She has been going through hardships mentally and physically and I think she needs a breather. Maybe a trip to bar or something like that. Could be a good time for her to reflect how much she has been through and how after her night out, she will have to face the harsh reality of the world again. That way it's not just a meaningless add-in with no story advance. Just my two cents.

[Endorenna]

^ What they said.

[Darth_Yuthura]

I actually do have a breather coming up. Best part is... it progresses the story!

 

One more chapter will conclude this arc which started WAY back when she stood up to Vrook. It now ends with Alexus and finally Yuthura will get away from life-threatening issues and start shouting at Vrook again... or something like that.

 

Thank you for your compliments. It's always great to hear that people not only find this worth reading, but saying 'wow' to it.

[Darth_Yuthura]

Here it is! I think this is the greatest chapter I've ever done... might still have a few typos. Next up will feature Trevelyan/Revan. That is fact.

 

--------

 

Coruscant was a marvel, even from space. There was a shadow that stretched across the planet, but it was difficult to tell where the natural light ended and where the artificial lighting began. It was an unusual sight because it appeared as a perfect sphere no matter what its alignment was with the star.

 

Alexus was in a seat behind me, but was preoccupied at the moment. I hoped that watching the planet as we approached would have given her at least a moment away from thoughts that troubled her. That didn’t stop me from enjoying the view as the window soon was illuminated by the ionized gases as we entered the atmosphere.

 

I turned around and saw she was still distracted. “What’s on your mind? Thinking of something ahead or in the past?”

 

She took a moment before she realized a question was directed at her. “I was actually trying to remember my mother’s face. I have no photos of either of them and have long since forgotten those years. The same people I’ve known for ten years of my life... they say people are alive for as long as we remember them. Even then, she’d still be dead.”

 

“I know the feeling. On Sleheyron, I had many friends who meant much to me, but most left nothing of themselves behind. Maybe a record of purchase and a photo, but other than what I remember... it’s as though they never were. And when most died, it was to the laughter of their cruel master. No tombstone, no mourning, not even recognition that they ever lived.” I sighed with sadness. "They were each individuals with their unique lives, yet to Omeesh, one was as easily replaceable as the next."

 

She stared at me for a long while as if I were the first one to understand that the past was not something that could simply be left behind... it would always be part of who we were. “We really aren’t that significant are we?” She said almost factually.

 

“Maybe not, but I really don’t care what the rest of the Galaxy thinks. Only those who matter are enough for me.” I looked over my shoulder to her. “Because I know that if something were to happen to me, they would mourn for my loss. They would remember.”

 

She glared somewhere else. “That’s not what I want. When it happens, I don’t want anything of myself to endure... no memories, no afterlife, nothing.”

 

“Why are you so fixated on death? Is it because you’ve never found peace in life?”

 

She crossed her arms in discontent. “I just don’t see the point in it all. We all die eventually and with enough time... all traces that we ever lived are lost and forgotten; like my mother.”

 

“Perhaps, but I know that a part of me will endure beyond life... if only for a little while. As a Sith, I would have been just another body to step over. As a slave, I would have been amusement until my replacement was bought with stolen credits.” I sat next to her. “Our time in life if finite. If we did not have to worry about what happens tomorrow, then it no longer matters what we do today. To the rest of the galaxy, we are quite small, but to the few who matter, our lives are significant.”

 

“Look, I told you that I’d see him. I just don’t know why you are so interested in putting us in the same room together.”

 

“Because Ross is important to me. You are important to him... he simply doesn’t know yet. I just ask that before you decide where next to drift, consider the other paths you could take. You might even find one here.”

 

"Don't hold your breath." She gave me a look as if she's been through this before, but in her expression was what almost seemed like hope. Despite expecting another disappointment, I think she recognized this was her last best hope for healing the wound she suffered 15 years ago.

 

She then stood up and we watched the ionized gasses dissipate from around the ship. While we were traveling, we could see the Temple in the distance. Her look was almost one of being mesmerized, but I thought it was good if she was focusing so deeply on something, it outweighed the years of anguish that otherwise were always present.

 

I thought I was more nervous, though. I knew that if this didn’t work out for the best, Ross would have been left with a new psychological wound. I felt that Alexus deserved at least that much, considering what she did for him.

 

------

 

After the short journey, we went to the hospital where Ross had been fitted for a cybernetic arm. Alexus and I found Belaya waiting for me/us. She looked surprised to see 'the Sith' with me, but didn’t make any gestures. She spoke softly into my ear. “Ross had suffered severe psychological trauma from his time with the Sith. Don’t expect him to be too happy with you.”

 

“Is he going to be alright? Did they... break him?”

 

She looked at me very sadly. “I really don’t know. He wasn't very interested in talking about it. That’s not exactly a bad thing... he may just need time to deal with what’s happened.”

 

I nodded subtly. “Thanks for going with him. I was...” I looked to Alexus. “...needed elsewhere.”

 

“Let me guess: we have a new addition to our Order?”

 

Alexus smiled sardonically. “Yeah. That would be the day.”

 

I gestured Belaya to just drop the subject and she did. “In that case, I’ll take my leave... unless you still need me.” She gestured as if to silently say to me 'If the Sith goes berserk...'

 

“You’ve done enough, thank-you. I appreciate it.” I said.

 

Belaya took a bow and went down the hallway, but occasionally looked over her shoulder as if expecting she had already done something mischievous. Alexus paid no heed to either of us... she just stared at me with the corner of her eye, waiting to be lead on.

 

I really did not know what to expect from Ross, but I knew it was not going to be pleasant. At the same time, I was anxious to introduce them at long last. There was much tension within me... I truly only knew Ross for a few days, but as I considered what would happen in the next few moments, I couldn’t help but brace myself for something terrible. No one had ever really looked up to me like he had and it felt... good to hear him speak so highly of me. For some reason, it felt like all that was on the line. Prior to that, I thought that his feelings already had changed and that Alexus would have made all the difference. I wasn't as sure as before.

 

I took a final glance at her, who didn’t show any anxiety or any sign of enthusiasm. Looking at her left me wondering why I went to so much effort for a complete stranger. Yes, she had saved Ross, but beyond her relationship with him, she was still a Sith. In that moment, I came to realize that my reasons were more for her than for him.

 

Ross was a good kid, but he had more of an innocent kindness about him. Alexus, I think was much like me and Juhani, possessing a quiet strength and lean elegance edged with steel. It was a strange way of describing us, but unlike other Jedi, it was through conflict that defined our being.

 

There was something else I had on the back of my mind, but I never really... really knew if it were true. I felt that it was important to say it. “Alexus, you once told me that one of the reasons you left the Jedi was because that bond worked one way.”

 

“Yes. The masters often made me feel inferior because I benefited from the bond, but the one who deserved it got nothing. Vrook once told me that it was through the bond and Ross that made me worthwhile.”

 

I stared silently at her as if to emphasize what she needed to hear. “He’s wrong. It’s the other way around.”

 

She looked at me, confused.

 

“That bond came during those years you spent on Serocco. I think that it was gifted to you alone because Ross was too young to understand all that you had done for him.”

 

Her eyes widened as if something that she had wondered all her life was suddenly coming to light. I realized that what I had to tell her might have given her more peace than I ever imagined.

 

“You said you sacrificed everything for Ross. If the Force has a will... maybe the bond was something you deserved[i/].”

 

“Deserved?” She stepped back as if hearing something either too good to be true, or something too unpleasant to consider. “It’s a curse. I feel his pain!”

 

“Did you really feel his pain? I think that you felt his life slipping away and that was why you wanted to saved him.”

 

“You’re wrong! He was just selfishly crying out for me like he had fifteen years ago!”

 

I put my hands on her shoulders. “A bond is mutually beneficial. You benefit... he doesn’t. How else could it be so?”

 

She looked away, but I could sense I was touching on a very[i/] sensitive subject.

 

“You sacrificed everything for Ross. What if through the bond... it was his way of repaying you? It is his gift to you.”

 

She looked into my eyes with a newfound sense of herself. I saw tears come to her eyes... it was almost like looking at tears of pain and joy at once. All those memories of selling her body would forever be etched into her soul, but to know that they were not in vein... it must have been difficult to accept.

 

I’ve always hated Omeesh for what he’s done to me. I always believed that he had left me broken, hurting my potential as a Jedi forever, but lately, I’ve come to realize that my experiences on Sleheyron and Korriban actually made me stronger than most who’ve been among the jedi all their lives. Despite learning that all those years of endless torture had the exact opposite effect of what I believed, it only meant that I had less reason to hate him.

 

I hated Omeesh with every fiber of my being, so much that it was almost comforting to me. The thought that I... owed him something was almost disgusting. Clearly, I came out more greater than if I had lived among the Jedi and found peace, but even after learning that, I almost hated Omeesh even more. It was strange to learn something which should have given me reason to let go of my hate actually intensified that emotion.

 

Alexus had dropped her head, tears not yet streaming down her cheeks, and turned away from me. I gently touched her shoulder. “I’m going to see him now. You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to.” I smiled and turned back to the door. We were right outside his room, but I thought it was best that she came in of her own free will than just because I asked it of her. I smiled almost in marvel of what I just said. I had no fear that she would follow me... when she was ready.

 

After hearing the door chime, I waited a moment before hearing his voice on the intercom. “Enter.” He sounded so sad that the one word was almost painful to hear.

 

The door slid open and I took one last look at Alexus, who had turned her back to hide any tears from me. I knew she was not going to come in with me, so I just nodded and closed the door behind me. Ross was sitting near the window, but didn’t look back even to see who it was. He must have known it was me, but he didn’t want any warm feelings from me.

 

I slowly approached, trying to get a look at his left arm, but he had concealed it from my view. Both our lightsabers were sitting on a table next to the bed, but I kept my focus on him. I took a seat by him and stared out the window as he was. A long moment of silence came between us as if there were nothing either of us had to say to the other. I thought about trying to lift his spirit, but I was not aware if he were angry at me or just that saddened by his loss.

 

He finally looked at me. “Belaya told me that you stayed behind to help that Sith... the doctors said she wasn't expected to survive. I'm glad she did." A small smile came before it faded a second later. "Who was she? Why did she save me?”

 

“Someone who was just lost in life. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you, but she needed my guidance more.”

 

He nodded. “After what she did for me...” He stared at me for a while before he remembered that I was in jeopardy the last time we spoke. “I’m glad you got back as well. Belaya was being very secretive... I was not sure if she was hiding that you were dead.”

 

“Well she gave you my lightsaber. That would have meant I had to return in order to give it to you.”

 

“Well it’s comforting to know that we all are alive and well.” He sighed and looked out the window again. “We did what we set out for. Mission accomplished.”

 

He was very saddened by the arm, but I needed to see for myself. I gently pulled on his left arm, not enough to force the hand in sight, but enough to get his attention. He looked away and pulled off the cloth that covered the cybernetic arm.

 

I saw the slightest movement in the fingers, but he was not showing off its capabilities. I pulled the sleeve back to see where the flesh began and where the limb ended. The skin looked almost like it was grafted over the metal to an extent. It looked painful and I had to say what has been told to him many times already: “I’m sorry. I'm so sorry about this.”

 

He concealed the hand again. “It could’ve been worse. I wasn’t expecting to get out of there alive... I was lucky that this was all that I lost.”

 

“You shouldn’t have had to endure that alone. I wish that I had broken that hibernation trance earlier... it was my fault.”

 

He turned his head over his shoulder. “I don’t get how you could have done that instead of performing a breath-control trance. Did that not occur to you?!”

 

I did not deserve his hostility for that, but I took it. “They are not cross-class techniques. The breath control trance involves being able to stay conscious and alert. The hibernation trance didn’t allow for that. I simply hadn’t learned it... I’m sorry.”

 

He sighed deeply. “I know. I shouldn’t have been so eager to try and prove myself to you. You warned me... and I didn’t listen.”

 

I put a hand on his shoulder. “That’s not true. You were up to the challenge had I trusted in you. When I was down, you stepped up and kept going. That was more than I would have expected from myself. And when you were captured, you never gave in to them. Not many would have endured that.”

 

He dropped his head again. “When you were with the Sith, did you... were you ever... that cruel?”

 

I stood up and paced around twice before answering. It wasn't that I was feeling too guilty to admit it. I just wasn't sure. “I tend to think not, but I know that I’ve done whatever was required when I had to.” I sat back down opposite Ross. “Those who hurt you often do not think of themselves as evil. They probably didn’t even think that morals were anything other than what we wanted from our enemies. They believed...”

 

“I don’t want to know about them. They’re going to die off soon, so it doesn’t matter. I just want to forget it all.” We both just shared another moment of silence. It was one of those uncomfortable silences that came when something was a problem, but no words could make things any better. He raised the hand again and moved the fingers. There was very little sound that came from the actuators, but the metal against the fingers and palm was a sad reminder that it was not flesh and blood. “It... doesn’t feel right. I know that it wouldn’t, but it’s odd to be able to move it just like I had before, but it’s...” Before he could finish his statement, the door chimed. “Enter.”

 

I turned around to see a very nervous Alexus step in, anxiety clearly etched in her expression. She came in and stood just far enough in to allow the door to slide closed. Her arms were crossed as if in a very defensive stance.

 

Ross was not very attentive to the fact that someone just walked in. He must have assumed it was just a nurse or someone who would have just stated their business here, so I gestured with my head to turn his gaze to the right person. He looked over his shoulder and his sadness quickly turned to pleasant surprise. “You... you saved me.” He stood up and faced her directly. “I’m glad to see you’re alright. The physicians didn’t think you were going to make it.”

 

She was very careful with her words, but I was caught by surprise with her first words to him in 15 years, “Why?”

 

“What?” He asked.

 

“Why would it have mattered whether or not I was alive? A Sith would not have extended the same for you.”

 

He took a moment to actually answer the question. I thought about jumping in, but this was their moment, not mine. Ross’s smile faded to a neutral expression. “I suppose I owed you my life. More than that, there was no reason for anyone to die like that.”

 

“I was told that she...” gesturing to me “...risked herself for me. Would you have done the same thing if you were the master?”

 

He looked very saddened by the question as he looked at both of us before answering. “I really don’t remember much of what happened. I really thought that I was never going to see her again, but she told me that your life was in my hands. She also told me that after you pulled through, she wanted me to watch over you... that is if you intend to stay.”

 

She looked as though she didn’t want to disappoint him, but I knew that she was seriously thinking about the offer that had been presented. “I appreciate your concern, but I really wasn’t planning to be a part of your Order again.”

 

“I didn’t mean forever. If you just stayed for a few days...”

 

She looked more saddened by the offer. “Look, the only reason I agreed to come here was because she risked her life for mine. I thought it was a small price... it doesn’t mean I’m interested in taking one master for another.”

 

I interrupted. “He saved your life as well.” I went up to and gestured to the mechanical arm. “He will bear this wound for the rest of his life. It would make all the difference if he could look at that wound and not have to be reminded of those days he was with the Sith.”

 

“It’s alright. I’ve got a new hand that works perfectly.” He displayed the hand, moving everything according to his thoughts as if flesh and blood. “Some wounds result in damaged nerves that don’t allow for perfect replacements. It’s really just like before.”

 

Alexus looked very saddened. “But you still feel the hand as if it were still there. When you move the fingers, you don’t feel anything.”

 

“What do you mean?” He asked.

 

She gestured to the robotic hand. “You don’t feel numb, you still feel the phantom limb. When you use the implant, you lose that feeling because the fingers can’t sense the texture of your clothing.” She used her hand as a reference by closing her fist. “The pressure upon your palm.” She waved her hand. “The movement of the air as it passes across the skin.” She extended her hand to his robotic one and held it. “The warmth or comfort of another’s hand.”

 

He stared at her hand within the mechanical grip of his. I saw something in Alexus that I had not before. She started brushing her hand up the mechanical arm, which extended up before the elbow joint and Ross almost looked as though he could feel her touch. He must have been very confused at why some Sith he didn’t know had saved his life and was with him then. He spoke nervously. “Yes. It still feels like it’s there, but the doctors say there’s nothing wrong; that it’s all in my head.”

 

She held the hand between them, but let it go. “It’s not pain you’re feeling, but an absence. You leave your hand still because it feels natural to not feel anything when you leave it alone.” She extended her arm to show what she meant by not flexing any of the joints. When she spoke again, she extended her hand to his right wrist. “When you use it, you don’t feel what comes naturally. It is very subtle, but its absence... that is what you feel.”

 

He looked at her hand on his artificial wrist and then the hand on his other. “How does one learn to cope with losing something like their sight? I just lost an arm, but being without it is... painful. How does it go away?”

 

She let go of his wrists and turned around as if to hide her emotions from him. “If you learn to accept the loss, it shouldn’t hurt anymore.”

 

“What are you talking about? I know that I’ve lost it forever. I’ve accepted what happened.”

 

I got between them. “It’s not as easy as that, Ross. Don’t tell me that you can look at that arm and not feel... something. Maybe you have anger for the Sith who did that to you. Surly you would also have some for me because I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.”

 

He looked into my eyes almost as if he didn’t want to admit what he felt, but since I brought up the subject, he told the truth. “You were incapacitated. I have no reason to be angry at you.”

 

“It’s alright. I know that you must feel... something for me. Whatever anger you must have, I assure you it is justified. I should not have taken you with me into that place.” I said.

 

He sighed and sat down in the chair next to his bed. Alexus continued showing her back to us. Ross looked to me and then back to her. “Who are you?”

 

I stared for a moment before realizing she was still reluctant, so I addressed her one more time. “You said that if you learned to accept a loss, it wouldn’t hurt anymore. I don’t think you ever learned to accept your own loss, did you?”

 

She looked over her shoulder to face me, but not Ross. “No... I suppose I never did.”

 

“This is a chance for you to start over again. Only this time, you won’t be alone. It is your choice, but remember that there are some who care about what you do with your life.”

 

She closed her eyes tightly, but the tears came anyway, and I could tell she was afraid; meaning she felt there was something worth risking there. She nodded gently and turned to face him. “My name... it’s Alastria.”

 

After a brief moment of confusion, I saw Ross slowly coming to the realization. I couldn’t help but smile at hearing that beautiful name. He looked to me briefly and my smile was enough to confirm beyond a doubt that she was indeed the sister he thought was dead. He stepped up to her, hesitated, but then embraced her with all his strength.

 

She still had her eyes closed, tears coming freely as she began to sob. I couldn’t tell whether those were tears of great sadness or joy, but it was one of the steps in the healing process. She had been in denial for a long time, but had taken her first steps back at long last.

 

That moment was one of the happiest I’ve ever had. For some reason, I was left thinking more of myself than of them. I guess that her talk about acceptance left me with a strange sense that I’ve never been happy with my life beyond Sleheyron. Even since Revan found me, I’ve never truly let go of my hate for Omeesh. Although they did not consume me like before, I continued to hold onto such feelings because I knew they were properly deserved.

 

When I saw Alexus in Ross’s arms, I realized just how much more damage I had inflicted upon myself than Omeesh had. As I looked back upon my own past, I knew that it was worse to harbor anger than if I just let it go. My anger had served its purpose long ago, but Omeesh was dead. I had a life for myself and I was happy to have it for the first time I could remember. Some injustices could never be righted, so there was no reason to let Omeesh hurt me any longer.

 

There was one injustice however that I had to confront again. Only this time, I was in a position to do something about it... If the Council intended to stop Alexus from returning to the Order, I was going to fight for her as Revan had for me.

 

But that was in the future and I was not going to let that influence this moment.

[Darth_Yuthura]

I and Trevelyan had our moment almost the instant we were reunited again. Alexus stayed with Ross at the hospital, but I knew they needed time alone; as did I. Alfred was a bit disappointed that I didn’t stand around and chat with him all day, but I think he knew that Trevelyan and I wanted some private time. I could tell that he wasn’t very enthused about... us, but he wasn’t judgmental about such trivial acts.

 

On Korriban, I and Uthar did it frequently because it was just a way to vent off stress from life. It was a special thing with Trevelyan because it was more like a spiritual experience for me. I could only imagine what one like Vrook would think if he caught us. What we did was little more than adding some excitement to a difficult life. I knew it was risky to have such an attachment to one so powerful as Trevelyan because I had become a liability to him, as he was to me. However, it was my mistake to make. It would not influence our my behavior once I was called to action.

 

I was breathing heavily and rolled to the opposite side of the bed... it was a single bed, so we were still very close. He and I got on our sides and were in direct contact... almost breathing each other’s air. Very little was said when we were reunited, so this was our time for talking. “We should probably get dressed right now.” He said.

 

“Why? Do you think I'm more appealing in that dull robe?”

 

“You’re great just the way you are, but I don’t think Bastila would agree.”

 

I sat up, almost in panic. “Bastila? I thought she was... you mean she’s on Coruscant?”

 

He smiled and nodded. “She’s on her way here right now.” When I stood up to get my clothes, he kept talking. “It’s alright. She's at least ten minutes away, so it’s not like we don’t have time.”

 

I stood there staring at him while he was staring at my breasts. “What were you thinking? She didn’t seem to appreciate what happened the last time we did this! You should have told me we were being...” I released a disgusted sigh.

 

“You never asked. Either way, I wouldn’t have let her stop us.”

 

“That doesn’t mean she exactly appreciated what you just did. You could have told her to be elsewhere, or we could have gone somewhere a long way away from her.” I said as I started grabbing my clothes.

 

He laughed out loud and sat up. I stared at him, just realizing he wasn't serious. “I had you. I definitely had you."

 

"She's not on Coruscant?"

 

He smiled at my reaction. "One of the downsides of having a special gift is that you are always the go-to person in a crisis.”

 

I dropped the clothes I had gathered, turned around, and put my hands on my hips as if to show authority. He savored the view of my breasts for a second before shifting his eyes up to mine. “This is serious. I don’t want everyone to know about us. The last thing we need is to provoke Bastila. Did she sense anything through your bond?”

 

“Great distances reduce the effects of a Force bond. She wouldn’t have sensed anything unless she tried to.” He gestured me to get back back in the bed with him.

 

After a moment, I did as he suggested, but not for the reason he thought. I wanted to thank him again for what he went through to save me on Korriban, but he disrupted that mind set. “You know that you just ruined a perfect moment just now?”

 

“A perfect moment?”

 

“Yes. For the first time in my life, I’m really happy with the way things are. I felt like nothing could spoil this for us, but then you had to go and make a joke out of it.” I said sardonically.

 

He moved his head and nudged my neck. “You once said I had no gift for lies; I wanted to prove you wrong. Now I'm going to have to make it up to you.”

 

“I was actually being serious. I feel at peace for the first time that I can remember. I just wanted to thank you.”

 

He gave me the nicest smile I've ever seen. “I’m not the one who did it.”

 

“Why are you so modest? I know that if it weren’t for you, I would not be here.”

 

He rested his chin upon his wrist. “I won’t deny that I had to go to some effort, but in the end, you are the one who turned her life around. All I did was ask you a few questions and pull a few strings...”

 

“More like put your life in the hands of a Sith, defy your masters, and put more at stake than you had.”

 

He chuckled. “That too.”

 

“But why did you risk so much for me? Anyone with an once of sense would have just left me to my own fate... and I would have deserved it. Instead, you believed in me, encouraged me, and kept telling me that I was worth it.” I looked away for a moment before facing him again. “Would you have gone to such lengths if you had not developed feelings for me?”

 

He looked away and went into deep thought. That answered my question, otherwise he would not have thought of a way to spare my feelings while telling the truth.

 

“I told you that love was a dangerous emotion. It’s still true.”

 

He looked insulted. “That’s a hilarious statement coming from you... unless you’re even more devious than I ever gave you credit for.”

 

That made me chuckle. “I’m afraid I’m not that good.”

 

“Well it was my life to risk. And I have no regrets.”

 

“But you let your personal feelings interfere with your judgment. Although things worked out favorable in the end for me, it doesn’t change the fact that you easily could have put your trust in the wrong person. You acted with your heart... not your head.”

 

He frowned. “It’s the other way around. I extend my feelings after and only after I have reason to entrust them with another. Believe me, if you had resumed your ways, I would not have allowed you to get so close.”

 

I felt a bit marginalized by that. Usually, I wasn’t snapped back so easily. “Sorry. I was just trying to remember when I began and Yuthura, the Sith master, ended.”

 

“You don’t just switch from one person to another... at least most people don’t. I think...”

 

I interrupted. “Speaking of which, do you remember anything from your old life? Have any of the memories resurfaced?”

 

He looked in another direct to think. “It’s not like that. It’s not like I can recover a specific event or place. It’s more like everything is partially returning at once. The more significant the memory, the faster it comes back.”

 

I nodded. “Is there anything in particular that you remember?”

 

He thought hard. “It’s really difficult to know what was real and what was made up. When I was watching some of the battles, I could almost remember another one that took place before. Do you know the feeling of deja vu?”

 

“I can think of something similar to twi’leks. There are times when our lekku keep important memories safe and there is a discrepancy with distant memories that we can’t recall off the top of our head. Is that what you mean?”

 

“Sorta. It’s like doing certain actions, but thinking you’ve already done it before when you really haven’t. That’s happening more frequently, but I’m getting real memories that I don’t know where they came from.”

 

“Are you doing alright?”

 

He crossed his arms and tilted his head to one side. “I don’t know. I’ve had some moments when I couldn’t come up with the solution because I’ve been split on trusting my own memories, but I could almost conjure up ideas that were very different from what I would have come up with on my own. Master Vandar had to take over on almost every major decision because I was making... little mistakes in strategy that would have had huge consequences.”

 

“Well Revan was a brilliant tactician. I’d imagine that when you have limited knowledge of what he did, you’d have difficulty with getting everything straight.”

 

“It’s not just that. This morning, when I dueled with Juhani, I had very... mixed results.” He described.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“She’s a guardian and is better trained with the various techniques. I didn’t learn Sai cha, Velocities, or Lus-ma, but somehow, I was able to anticipate many of her moves before she landed them. I hadn’t been able to counter those kind of attacks so well before.”

 

“So you’re getting better with a lightsaber at least.”

 

“No, not entirely. While I’ve gotten better at anticipation, my reflexes and instinctual actions are... sluggish.”

 

“Sluggish?”

 

“Yes. I can’t just act upon something instantly if I’m trying to remember what to do next. Juhani had gotten a number of cheap shots that I normally would have been able to block. The only thing I ended up doing was confusing her.”

 

I got a terrible feeling about what he was telling me. It sounded to me like he was in a worse position than before. “Alright. I see now that the Council had a reason for suppressing those memories. If it puts you at risk to let them resurface, then you shouldn’t let them.”

 

“No, you made a good point the last time we spoke. This life... Alex Trevelyan... that’s the illusion. As the Dark Lord, I was responsible for trillions of deaths. I can’t just... pretend that none of it happened. Do you know what it’s like knowing that I’ve become something so terrible and not knowing why?”

 

“You didn’t do any of that. You are not responsible for a life you can’t even remember.”

 

He leaned his head back and hit it against the wall. “If I had lived his life, which I have, there came a point when I thought and acted just like Malak. As frightening the thought may be...” He looked into my eyes, likely thinking of my time with the Sith. “...I need to know. If I thought and acted like him, then there had to be a reason for it. I need to know what that reason was.”

 

He and I kept our eyes on each other for a long time before I thought of another complication. “What did the Council think of your choice? Or are you going to keep this secret at well?”

 

He scoffed. “Hardly could. Master Vandar could tell that old memories started returning and offered to help me repress them. I politely declined, but he became more insistent each time he asked. When we got back, he had me in the Council chamber with four other master all pressuring me to accept treatment. I don’t think that they will let this go.”

 

“They can’t force it upon you, can they?”

 

“No, they can’t.” He leaned his head forward. “But they shouldn’t have wiped my mind in the first place. There is no telling what else they would do.”

 

I thought about telling him of their reason for rejecting me three months ago, but I felt he had enough on his mind to worry about that as well. I just kept it to myself.

 

He sighed, shook his head, and turned back to me. “But enough about that. Do you have any interesting stories that you brought back from AR 159?”

 

I just came to realize that so much had happened in the last two weeks. He and Alfred were still unaware that I took a padawan and all the deal with Alexus. “There is so much to tell. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t lived it...”

 

 

-----

 

“Taking a padawan is not a decision that one makes overnight. Did you even think about the liabilities that you faced when you took him?” Alfred asked, quite shocked at what I told him.

 

“I didn’t expect to have him come along just like that. I was expecting to instruct him until after I got back, but Master Vash wanted me to take him then and there.”

 

“You never feigned interest in taking a padawan, at least I never got that impression. I wish you had told me before you committed yourself because I...” He sighed with great sadness. “I don’t think you’re ready to take on the responsibility.”

 

“With all due respect, I had already demonstrated that I could. I was second headmaster on Korriban for over a year, remember?”

 

He shook his head. “This is different. You can’t just set a padawan to reach a certain goal and leave him to it... you have to actively take part in a padawan’s training. In addition, you are meant to protect the student if he is in danger, whatever the reason. Sith teaching is not as involved as with a Jedi, so you shouldn’t count on your experience from Korriban to be an accurate representation of your abilities here.” He sighed again. “Who did you take?”

 

“Ross Senegal. He actually came to me and asked for me to complete his training. Under the circumstances, he only had a week to be accepted, and since he was so close to completion, I thought there couldn’t be a better arrangement.”

 

He nodded with some relief in his posture. “Alright. You seem to have thought this through. And since Ross wanted you as well, you both have a good arrangement.” He pulled out a chair and gestured me to sit down while he got in another chair opposite mine. “So tell me what’s happened. We didn’t get much from the media on AR 159.”

 

“That’s because they don’t want to let everyone know of the situation those people were left to deal with. They had been left to fend for themselves for five months with no troop replacements and not enough medical supplies or food rations. Many died not by the enemy, but by the lack of resources they were given.” I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. “The one responsible for keeping them there should be brought up on charges for those deaths, but they won’t make it public knowledge.”

 

He remained silent for a moment. “Sometimes in war, you have to step over the bodies of the dead in order to preserve the lives of those still standing. War is not an efficient business. Those that talk sometimes are the ones who are slaughtered. Those that are responsible for genocide sometimes go unpunished. That is why Jedi don’t support war; because this happens most often on a massive scale. If there is one thing you took from that place, I hope that it’s that.”

 

“How can you say that? This is a time when we can right a wrong that we know has happened. What happened should not be forgotten.”

 

“What happens within the Republic military are strictly internal matters. You did exactly what was asked of you. That should be enough.”

 

I sighed and nodded at the sad fact that I did not understand war and could not just play god with something when I didn’t even know how it worked. Besides, it’s not like one redeemed Jedi could really make a difference. When the soldiers and officers from AR 159 return to society, it would be up to them to tell people the truth of what happened there. They witnessed it firsthand. I was only there at the end.

 

When I let my head down, Alfred put his hand under my chin and brought it back to where it was supposed to be. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear what you have to say. Belaya came by earlier and said you had saved her life. Tell me of that.”

 

I shrugged my shoulders. “Not much to tell. She was wounded and I carried her to safety. There was no medical staff, but Master Vash had been nearby. She’s the one who deserves the real thanks.”

 

He smiled and leaned back into a more comfortable position. “I also heard you brought someone back with you... a sith?”

 

I nodded, not really looking forward to where this was going. “Yes.”

 

“You sound very saddened by that. I take it something bad had happened.”

 

I rested my chin upon my wrist and thought about how to think of the events in the last 10 days. “I’m not the one who went through a terrible ordeal, yet I likely feel the worst of the three of us. Ross lost an arm... that’s not something you can take lightly. She’s got a difficult time ahead for her, whether she wants to return to the Order or not.”

 

He leaned forward to give me his undivided attention. “What’s troubling you[i/]?”

 

After a long period of silence, I finally answered. “I’ve just been going over where all this started. Ross was not supposed to come with me to AR 159, but he did. He wasn’t supposed to come with me on a dangerous mission.” I leaned my head back when I realized where our paths deviated so greatly. “I never learned the breath control trance... if I had, so much would have come out differently.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“There was a point when I screwed up and released a toxin in an airtight room. Ross knew how to hold his breath through the trance, but my only option was to force myself into a hibernation trance. It was because I was out for that period of time that he Ross was captured. If he had not been tortured by the Sith, Alexus wouldn’t have come to save him.”

 

“She saved Ross? How did that happen?”

 

I hesitated to answer. “Ross once spoke to me about a sister. She had been lost to him for nearly a decade.”

 

“To the Sith?” He asked.

 

I nodded. “Yeah... now he now knows, but it cost him dearly. The psychological trauma from the beatings he took may never fully heal. Whenever he looks at that robotic hand he now has, it’ll remind him of me... and how I let him down.”

 

He gave me a sympathetic look. “Why aren’t you with him now?”

 

“Alexus is with him. I thought it was best that they have some time alone. I don’t think she would have felt comfortable with me there either. That and I don’t think Ross wants to see me.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Because I failed him back there. I know that he’s angry with me and would prefer to wait a while and let him come to me when he’s ready.”

 

“Why would he be angry? Don’t forget he’s been with the Jedi most of his life. He’ll understand.”

 

I shook my head. “Under normal circumstances, maybe, but he had been put through a lot at the hands of the Sith. If he didn’t feel any hard feelings for me... that would be sick.”

 

“Was it that bad?”

 

“Of course it was!” I exclaimed, but didn’t shout. “They used him as propaganda. Nothing is worse than a session of Sith torture. Even Omeesh wasn’t that cruel to us.”

 

Alfred knew that when I compared something to that Hutt, I was dead serious. He thought of another option. “Then what if I visited him? He knew you through me and I could give him your regards or serve as a buffer if that’s what he needs.”

 

I smiled and nodded. “Thank-you.” I whispered with great emotion in my voice. “I will see if I can get Alexus to come to the temple as well. She didn’t seem to feign any interest in returning to the Order, but just in case...”

 

Alfred brought his head up almost instinctively. “She’s not returning to the Order?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Then they must be separated. Jedi rules sometimes allow siblings to maintain attachments within the Order. Even then, it is not strongly encouraged.”

 

“No, they must be allowed to make that choice on their own. Alexus came back because of Ross. If they are separated forcibly, it would be brutal. She has only just begun to heal and we must give her the liberty she needs.”

 

“And what about Ross? I’ve been told that he was one of the more prominent padawans and an emotional attachment with a Sith would be an unnecessary risk to him.”

 

“She’s not a Sith! At least not any longer. She just suffered a terrible loss long ago and was never allowed to heal. This may be her last best chance to find peace; she can’t do it without Ross.”

 

He stood up from his chair and took a knew in front of me. “You are Ross’s master, not hers. Do you really think that this is in his best interests? How would it help Ross to have him become emotionally attached to one as unstable as a fallen sith?”

 

I had my mouth open to defend my position, but I could not deny that it was always better to be free of emotional attachments. It would have helped Alexus, but really would have put Ross at risk. As happy as he may be to have his sister back, now her problems had become his.

 

I stood up and paced around for a few seconds before turning back. “She’s the one most in need of help. I make this decision more for her than Ross, I admit that.”

 

He confronted me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Look, I know you have strong feelings for her, being a sith once yourself; but the Order is desperate. We need as many fully trained Jedi as possible if we are to survive. Ross’s sister made a choice a long time ago and she’s going to have to live with it, otherwise it will deprive others of their chance...”

 

“This isn’t about accepting her into the Order; it’s about allowing her and Ross to maintain their ties in the future.”

 

“And the Council would not allow it under these circumstances. They would not allow you and Revan to...” He sighed, disgusted. “...if they knew.”

 

I felt embarrassed by that sigh he gave me. I shook my head and turned away as if too humbled to face him. “I assumed you would have realized it eventually, but you never addressed it.”

 

“I’m not your master anymore. You’re a grown woman; capable of making your own choices... as was Revan. I had no right to interfere.”

 

I sighed and turned around. “I still think of you as master. Even though I’ve been given the title of knight, I still feel like I have much to learn. I still feel as though I can turn to you when I need guidance... and you’ve never turned me away.”

 

“We always have much to learn. There’s nothing wrong with that. Actually it’s good you think that, but you shouldn’t always come to me. There are others who you could turn to.”

 

“How many of them would tell me that it’s alright instead of going to the Council?”

 

Alfred sat down in a chair near the table and he went into deep thought. I sat in the chair across from him, but he didn’t turn to face me directly. “I can’t deny that he’s the reason you’re here. The last time I knew you from before, you were... much different.” He lowered his head, saddened. “When I heard you had come back... I feared that you were going to be much more like before.”

 

“Was I?”

 

He faced me, probably looking at my tattoos. “Yes... and yet, I still see that little girl I found frightened and alone on an unnamed world.”

 

I smiled and chuckled at his foolish delusion of me. “Well that frightened little girl you speak of would eventually forget not only the one who came for her, but who she was. That’s not something I would ever do again.”

 

He smiled back, closed his eyes, and sighed through his nose as if to spoil another perfect moment. At least I knew it wouldn’t be like that stupid joke of Trevelyan’s. “I am still a Jedi, though. I still think that you and he are taking a terrible risk, not just in regards to the Order, but to yourselves.”

 

“I know.” I leaned my head back, letting my lekku dangle behind the back of the chair. “I remember one of the first times I spoke to him, he asked me about the ‘negative’ emotions of a sith. I told him that love was more dangerous than any other... I wondered how anyone could have been foolish enough to make irrational choices when you know the obvious. And now here I am going against my own wisdom.”

 

“What’s different?” He asked.

 

I pulled my head back up. “At first, I just thought it was just a childish fantasy of mine. I mean... he put so much faith in me. I didn’t think he could have had the same feelings for me, either as a Jedi or Sith Lord, so I was able to keep such thoughts in check. When he said that he loved me... it was like all that didn’t matter anymore.”

 

He sighed and nodded. “Well I’m still worried. The last thing I want is to lose you again.”

 

“Wait, I don’t understand something. If you’re against... us, then why’ve you never spoken to us about it?”

 

He looked away as if about to rehash some painful memories and hesitated for a long moment. “You were my first padawan. I’ve not had another since. Some of my happiest memories were with you.”

 

“And the most painful were because of me.” I added.

 

He nodded. “I’ve lived those years always wondering what happened to you. Although I hated you, I loved you more than myself. If I had simply... lost you, I would have known and been able to grieve. But knowing that you had become a Sith... I didn’t know if it was better that you were still alive, or out of your misery. I kept regretting that I spared you on Dantooine.”

 

I raised my head in total surprise. “You wanted me dead?!”

 

He raised his hand to hold me back. “I didn’t want you to suffer. Losing yourself to monsters that the little girl would have hated seemed worse than death. When I learned that you were not only alive, but away from the Sith...” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to do anything to push you back down that path.” He stood up and got in front to look directly into my eyes.

 

He still had more to say, but for a moment, he put his hand on my forehead and stroked along the lines of the interwoven tattoos down to my neck a few times. I rather liked the physical contact that he was giving me. Only a few out of many touched me with the intention of comforting me, so it meant as much to me as to him.

 

When he had the words, he stood up and finally gave me an explanation. “Whatever happened between you and Revan... it saved you. I knew that it was against the code, but I didn’t care; you are more important.”

 

I gave him an expression of doubt. “You shouldn’t think that. The history of the Order speaks for itself. I know that it’s a mistake, but I don’t expect this to go on indefinitely. In time, we’ll both have full control over our emotions and when that happens...”

 

I paused when I realized that I was already foreseeing an end to this secret affair of ours. Somehow, I realized that what Mendoza told me about his loved one had to be true. More than that, I also realized that as powerful a Jedi Revan was, I would have become a liability to him. I feared that if we were discovered, any of Revan’s enemies would have come after me. And that would have been reason enough to start distancing ourselves. I was concerned for my own safety, but more concerned at how significantly he would have been hindered by losing me... I only hoped that when his older memories resurfaced, he would see the wisdom of keeping his emotions in check.

 

As for me... I really don’t know.

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Great work DY!

 

Okay, so I'm finally caught up. I have to agree, that these last two additions are some of your greatest work yet! That is just like Revan, to ruin Yuthura's moment with a joke Oh Ross and Alastria finally truely meeting eachother - that was a nice feel good ending...and then the fact that it taught Yuthura about herself made it even better. Well done. I swear, I don't know how you do it...

 

~HOP

[Darth_Yuthura]

I know. It's been some time since I posted another chapter, but I need to ask you to wait a while longer.

 

There's a reason why I'm posting because I have thought of a wicked idea that would be off-the-charts inflammatory towards Atris... like anyone would object to that. I just would like to know; if I made her a lesbian (In order to achieve a greater plot) would that just be too biassed and unbelievable? I could very well use another character, even a male, but I just think some people might want to see Atris get what's coming to her.

 

To preserve the element of suspense, I can't really say more, but I assure you that there is a very good story arc coming in a few chapters. I just want to know if you want Yuthura to cross paths with Atris again.

 

PS: next chapter almost ready.

 

---------

 

As of 12/20/08: I've got another idea in mind that will fit more with the story than with Atris. She'll only be a part of the upcoming story arc, but won't be the center of attention. I'll not take this too far.

[Rathoris]

Sounds like fun actually. Just make sure you do it right. The jedi are not a bunch of little children nor is the jedi order suited for a soap. So be very carefull

[HIGH ON PIE 14]

Actually, I always considered Atris a lesbian...think about it: She lives in an ice hole with six female "servants." Sounds fishy to me ...

 

I'll keep my eye out for the next chapter.

 

~HOP

[Darth_Yuthura]

Still a rough draft. Need to proofread, but here it is.

--------

 

I was once told that the time it took to replace a limb with a cybernetic implant was small compared to the time it took for the victim to fully accept it. Ross had been in the hospital for nearly a week. Alexus had been with him for only two days and the physicians were astonished at how quickly he recovered since then. They were expecting him for another week, but he wanted to return to the temple early.

 

Alexus wasn’t so enthused. “I’ve booked a hotel for myself. You really wouldn’t want me there and I don’t want to be there.”

 

“How did you afford a hotel around here?”

 

She just stared at me as if to say ‘do you have to ask?’

 

I guess I really didn’t. Who needed credits when you could just use the mind trick? “You are welcome to the temple. I think you should come along.”

 

“Why? I don’t want to return to that decrepit Order of yours.”

 

“I don’t mean indefinitely, just for a few days. And I think that you would prefer not having to cheat for room and board.”

 

She rolled her eyes back. “So I swindle some rich shutta out of a few credits. I can’t say that makes me feel too bad.”

 

“Look, there are a few people at the temple who may want to see you again. Not everyone on Dantooine died in the attack.”

 

She stared at me for a moment as if not knowing whether she wanted to know. “Who?”

 

“Hayashi, Nevski, Belaya... did you know them?”

 

She exhaled deeply. “No. I don’t remember any of them.”

 

I nodded. “Look, do you have anywhere better to go? It’s where Ross will be.”

 

She shook her head. “Do you think it’d be comfortable for me being in a stronghold of people who hate me? I want nothing to do with either Order... not the Sith, not the Jedi, nothing.”

 

I gave her a stern look. “I’m not asking you to join the Jedi again. I’m asking if you would like come along as a guest. There is no room service, but there are facilities where you can exercise your Force talents. Would you really prefer a hotel over that?”

 

She sighed and leaned her head back. “I know this is going to end badly.”

 

Alexus was very adamant about going to the temple, but I couldn’t understand why I had to almost beg her to come along. I thought that Ross’s presence would have been enough to counter any reservations she had for the Order. It may have been because she had been a Sith for the last five years and naturally hated Jedi.

 

Whatever her reasons, I only hoped that she would not be provoked. When I was brought back, Revan was always there to restrain me when I would have gone ballistic; Ross had to be there with her when she needed him.

 

--------

 

It was remarkable just how easy it was to enter the temple. All you needed was a palm print scan of a Jedi and you could bring or let anyone in. From one perspective, the temple’s security was severely lacking. From another, it really didn’t matter whether the doors were open to the public, or completely impenetrable. Many guests wander the corridors every day, so everything of value were properly secured within the temple itself. And of course, there were always dozens of Jedi that any thief or assassin would be foolish to try and get by.

 

When we had arrived at the temple, I had intended to bring Alexus in quietly, but that was not going to be so when I saw the entrance wide open and over a dozen people waiting for us. Alexus seemed intimidated that they were waiting for her, but when they started applauding, she was as surprised as I was. It was a welcoming party for Ross.

 

It wasn’t long before everyone was crowding around to give him praise, their remorse, and accrediting his bravery. He was grinning almost as brightly as he was two days ago when he heard his sister’s name. Very little attention was given to either of us, but after Trevelyan paid Ross his respects, he came for me.

 

Before he was able to say anything, Alexus had bowed to him, intimidated at his presence. “Lord Revan...! I... I...”

 

He started laughing and then gestured her to stand up straight. “It’s been a long time since anyone’s called me that. Please rise, I’m not the Dark Lord anymore.”

 

She kept her head down. “But you’re the strongest of us. It was you I followed to the Mandalorian Wars. You still have my obedience.”

 

He stared at her for a moment and then looked to me for an explanation.

 

I pulled her by the shoulder back up to face him. “This isn’t the Sith, Alexus. You wanted to get away from that, remember?”

 

She looked to him for an answer.

 

He got closer and looked her eye to eye. “Alright, here’s my order: be free of the Sith. You control your destiny, not me.” She was still intimidated, but nodded in compliance. Then he looked to me, almost astounded at seeing Alexus for himself, but then addressed her again. “I’m glad to meet you Alexus. Welcome to the Jedi.”

 

I corrected him. “She’s not here to stay. She’s just going to be a guest until she decides her next move.”

 

He looked to me again and then back to her. “In that case, welcome to the temple. If I can be of any assistance, please let me know.”

 

It was an odd feeling, all three of us standing in the heart of the Jedi Order. Very often have I heard that once you start down the Dark path, it would dominate your destiny, but we were proof that such beliefs were untrue.

 

I used to wonder why masters wanted their own apprentices to surpass them, even after I returned to the Jedi. I took pride in knowing I was under the influence of the darkside longer than anyone else by far, but that no longer applied. Alexus had been under the influence of the Darkside longer than I by almost a year, been with the Jedi one year less, fought in a war, and was older than I when she started. She had surpassed me in a matter of speaking, yet I felt better knowing that she had. I didn’t know why, but it felt better than when I had the honor for myself.

 

After a long, silent moment among the three of us, some of Ross’s crowd were looking in our direction... Alexus’s identity had not been public knowledge, but it was then. Hayashi hadn’t recognized her, but he apparently knew her from Dantooine. He came in our direction with a scornful look upon her. “You are not welcome here Alastria. You were exiled and banished from the Jedi long ago.”

 

I got in between the two. “Hayashi, please. She’s abandoned the Sith and is here only for a few days. Whatever reason...”

 

He cut me off. “She should be in a holding cell. She would have been had she not slipped away.”

 

I noticed at least two others coming up from behind Hayashi as if to arrest her or something. I moved back to protect her. “She did what she thought was right. Many Jedi followed Revan because they thought it was necessary to stop the Mandalorians. Alexus...”

 

One of the Jedi behind Hayashi, Jarva, interrupted. “There is no excuse for murder! Even if she isn’t a Sith anymore, she still must answer for her original crime.”

 

I could sense the hostility within those three Jedi for Alexus as if on a personal level. Although I didn’t believe them, I had to ask her if she neglected to tell me something. “Alexus, what’s this about?”

 

She remained silent.

 

Hayashi gave me an answer. “She murdered a fellow Padawan and should have been put on trial for what she did.” He took hold on his lightsaber, but didn’t deploy the blade. By then, the other two Jedi were standing in an offensive formation around us.

 

Ross was suddenly in a state of panic and tried to run to protect his sister, but was restrained by one of the other Jedi. His shouting echoed across the room, but I had to protect Alexus. The remaining two who were just praising him only a moment ago also moved in to surround us.

 

I grabbed my lightsaber and activated it as I got between her and as many of the others as I could, but I was only one woman against six who had surrounded us. Revan guarded her from the opposite side, but not with the intent to fight. “Stop this! There is no need for more bloodshed!”

 

Jarva spoke up again. “Stand aside, Yuthura. We don’t want a fight, but if Alastria doesn’t surrender herself, we’ll take her by force.”

 

Revan got in front of us. “Everyone! Put your weapons down now!” He gestured to me. “That includes you.”

 

I did as he told and disengaged my weapon. I looked back to Alexus and she looked more ashamed than worried. She tried to hide it, but I could tell that she wasn’t surprised by such a cruel welcome.

 

Revan continued speaking for us. “What is this about? You can’t just threaten this woman because she is Sith.”

 

“We’re not. She was expelled from the Order years ago. Before she left, that woman murdered a padawan and must answer for that crime. We are legitimately arresting her. Now stand aside, both of you.”

 

I was almost afraid to ask, but I had to know. “Alexus... is this true?”

 

She kept silent and when I thought to step away, an answer came. “No. It was justice. No one believed me, so I was forced to take the matter into my own hands.”

 

“What the hell did you do?!” I screamed at her. When she just looked away, I stepped aside.

 

Revan let the Jedi by as they took Alexus’s lightsaber and took her away as they would a prisoner. She kept a calm demeanor, but Ross screamed in pain as he watched his sister just go quietly. I thought he was more agonized by the thought that she was guilty, but remained in denial. I went over and tried to comfort him, if at least to get rid of the one who was holding him back. I didn’t say anything... I was as shocked as Ross.

 

------

 

She was allowed one visitor and I thought she would have been more willing to talk to me than anyone else. No wonder she didn’t want to return to the Order. Why she did... I had no idea.

 

Alexus was in a Force cage specially designed to restrain a Jedi’s influence on anything outside the confines of the shield walls. Most such devices did not do more than generate an energy barrier, but the Jedi temple had an abundance of such cells. Alexus was also unable to sense anything outside the cell, so I had an advantage this time around. Hopefully, she would be more forthcoming this time.

 

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you lied to me, but I had hoped you would’ve trusted your brother enough to tell him the truth.”

 

She sat on the floor of the cell, only two meters in diameter, and wouldn’t even look at me.

 

I moved around the cell so I could see her face. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were exiled? If you had, I wouldn’t have pushed you to come back. I have no idea how I can free you now.”

 

She looked up. “If you could, would you?”

 

I didn’t answer.

 

“Well don’t try because I wouldn’t go with you.”

 

I gave her a confused expression. “Is your mind maladjusted? Was everything you told me a lie?”

 

Alexus leaned her head back as if she were giving up. “My entire life has been a lie.”

 

I crossed my arms. “Would you please tell me the truth... the real truth. If you don’t, then I can’t help you... how could I if I can’t trust you?”

 

She smiled at me warmly. “Only if you tell me the truth. Were you really a Sith?”

 

“Second head of the Korriban Academy for a year. Escalated to Headmaster and then taken down within a minute.”

 

“The Headmaster of the top Sith training facility.” She gazed at me in utter jealousness. “The Dark Lord of the Sith. I was nothing compared to you two. Why would they accept you and Revan, but seek to put me on trial? Am I just not important enough?”

 

I sighed from the irony of her words and sat down in front of the cell and her. “Why don’t you start at the beginning. Tell me what happened with this Cyen’ta.”

 

She looked away and spoke not in my direction. “I told you that I left the Jedi because I believed in Revan’s cause... he was the only one who would accept me.”

 

“Was anything before that... did you lie about Serocco?”

 

“No. All of what I told you was true up to when the Jedi found us.”

 

I smiled at that small bit of her past being true. “So when they accepted Ross, but not you...?”

 

She shook her head. “I was the one they wanted. Ross was just an average Force user, but they saw a greater potential from me.” She looked at the cell she was in sadly. “Master Vrook took me for his padawan.”

 

I raised my head in surprise. “That’s no small feat. Vrook is very picky of his padawans.”

 

She gave me another sad look. “I loved Dantooine with all my heart. I loved the Jedi.” She sighed and looked away again. “He wouldn’t let me be just an average Force-user; I started drowning in Juma-juice. Naturally, I caused a number of incidents and gave the Jedi a stained reputation. Vrook was very displeased to the point where I would be thrown out if I were caught again.”

 

“And you were?”

 

She nodded. “This time, it was much worse; I wanted to get back at a Bith who had cheated me out of... something. I had sabotaged his speeder so that he would get a few kilometers before it broke down.” She started crying. “He had his family with him and that speeder broke down as I intended... ten kilometers away from help. He walked back and left his children with the speeder. When he returned, Kath hounds had raided the vehicle.”

 

I leaned forward. “Wait, that wasn’t murder. Unintentional manslaughter maybe.”

 

She shook her head. “The Jedi were asked to investigate. That man, Cyen’ta found a security recording that showed me tampering with the speeder. That would have been enough to have me exiled and imprisoned.”

 

“How could you think killing him served justice? That was murder.”

 

She frowned at me. “He didn’t show the recording to anyone. He made a copy for himself and deleted all other records. I considered him a friend and at first, I was grateful that he hid the evidence, but it came at a price.”

 

“What?”

 

She gave me a look that I knew meant that she prostituted herself.

 

“You can’t be serious.”

 

“Oh that’s exactly what he did. I thought it was a fair price, but I realized that he wasn’t asking me to do it once. He kept that recording so that he could demand anything of me.”

 

“Shutta.”

 

“That’s an understatement. He duplicated the recording and stored it in many places so that I could not back out of my end of the deal. About a dozen times after that, one of his duplicates was discovered, but they needed time to verify its authenticity. Shortly after that, I and Cyen’ta did it one more time. I wanted to leave him as exposed as he left me... they assumed it was I who seduced him.” She sighed in disgust. “He raped me, yet they gave him a hero’s funeral and now they scorn me.” Then she looked directly into my eyes. “They don’t pay any respect to those two children I killed. That’s what I should be on trial for, not that bastard, Cyen’ta.”

 

It was very painful to see her like that... a victim who, like me, had continued the cycle of hatred. One hostile act lead to another and another until someone brave enough stood up to disrupt that cycle. The woman in front of me did not deserve to be locked up like that.

 

I stood up with the intention of lowering the shield whether she liked it or not. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn’t stand the idea of Alexus having to face a crime she didn’t deserve to be punished for. Before I moved to the control panel, I heard the hissing of a door sliding open and Master Vrook came through.

 

I was startled at what I feared was going to be a very painful reunion. Vrook hated Sith and I couldn’t imagine how he would react to the sight of his own apprentice on the opposite side of the Force spectrum. Either way, I was going to defend her from whatever he intended to throw at her.

 

As he walked towards us, I saw an expression from him that I’ve never seen before... was it sympathy? It couldn’t have been, but I saw the same expression from him that I saw from Alfred when he saw me for the first time in four years. Alexus didn’t turn her gaze to him, so Vrook kept eye contact with me as he moved closer to the Force cage. When he was in front of the control panel, Vrook turned his attention to her and stared at her back for a long moment before deactivating the shield.

 

For a brief moment, I felt like expressing my distaste for his hypocrisy of me compared to one he knew. It was very selfish of me to think that, but I knew I would never forget his words towards me. But then again, it didn’t mean that I wanted him to say the same words to Alexus... for her sake.

 

Shortly after the shield went down, Alexus still did not turn to face him, but was confused at why she was being released. Slowly, Vrook crouched to the floor and extended his arms to gently wrap around her. She looked to me as if to silently ask what to do. I just couldn’t help but smile at the sight of them. She wasn’t used to contact comfort, so Alexus was almost afraid to hold onto those arms around her.

 

Vrook showed a side of himself that people rarely saw. I didn’t know he had it in him, but there he was crying and all his emotions exposed for anyone to see. When he held her completely in his arms, he whispered to her. “My little girl. You’re home. You’re safe.” After a moment, he looked up to me and said the most meaningful thing I’ve ever heard from him: “Thank-you”

 

--------

 

Yeah... Get to the Revan chapters... Already have the next one ready.