M@RS Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I didn't know where to put this thread, so I put it here...I have an idea for a fanfic on the fate of Sev, I'm working on this idea, so I hope you like what I write... Sev ran, he ran for his life. He wondered why his brethren didn't come when he called them, he hoped they weren't dead...he tripped over another tree branch and cursed as he fell. He hit the forest floor with a soft thud. He waited for thirty seconds, slowly counting them in his thoughts. A plasma blast ended the silence and whizzed over Sev's head, he looked in the direction of where the blast had come from. He instantly saw the bulky trandoshan standing next to a giant wroshyr tree. He took careful aim and fired, the trandoshan fell and never got up again. Sev smiled to himself, got up and ran. Boss sighed, he couldn't believe that Sev was MIA. If Yoda hadn't commanded him to keep moving, Sev might still be with them. He trudged along in the forest with the rest of his squad, and the whole army on Kahyyyk for that matter. He knew that as of now, he was just another clone trooper instead of a Clone Commando. They were headed for one of the larger cities on Kashyyyk. Scorch came up behind Boss and tried to think of a joke, at least to lighten things up. He finally came up with something and said to Boss "Sev's probably ripping all of the arms off..." he stopped because he couldn't mention Sev in a joke, not now at least. Boss smiled at him behind his helmet, but Scorch couldn't tell. Fixer was soon with the other two, they just kept marching, not daring to talk about Sev, or any of their past missions. They just kept marching all of them, the whole Clone Army marched, some of them to their deaths... Yoda stood, he was sick and tired of the war. He never knew that a war could weigh so heavily on someone like it did, him. He turned to see Commander Gree coming up with a datapad. Gree stopped midway through the room, and simply stated "The Clone Army marches to Tunnatutikan, they are ready and willing, we have a Commando Squad with us which seems to be raising the morale of the other troops...however the squad commander, uh, RC-1138 asks that he go back with his squad to rescue their sharpshooter, RC-1207, I think that they should go, and we call off the attack for now that way they go get, well they called him, Sev, we can then continue to march and attack." Yoda sighed, he knew what it was like to lose a friend in battle, he thought to himself "If I could go back in time, I would have gone back to rescue my friend" He looked at Gree and said "Yes, tell RC-1138, he go may, rescue "Sev" they will, seen the future, I have, and the outcome of this war." Sev finally made it, he was on the outskirts of a wookie town, he hoped it hadn't been taken by the CSI... He looked around and blinked, it didn't seem right, were was everyone? He saw movement and immediately went rigid, a battledroid walked right in front of him. He almost laughed, took aim and fired, the droid fell without a head. He looked down at his armor, he then saw that his armor was all green and brown, he blended right in with the forest background. Sev smiled to himself and kept moving, there were some vehicles to his right that he could use and get back to HQ. He walked up to one of the vehicles and noted it was a Republic vehicle. He saw the emblem but that was all he could make of it, he didn't recognize it at all, it was probably a very old tin can. It had a spherical body with little wings jutting out, what made it worse is that it was all rusty. He sighed and got in, he easily figured out how to maneuver the uh, thing. He was able to take off without as much as a bump or blast, then everything went wrong. A rocket came out of nowhere and took off one of the wings, he quickly leaped into action, first, by shooting in the direction of where the rocket had come from, with which he had the satisfaction of watching a trandoshan go flying through the air. Second, he unbuckled and opened the glass plate, but before he knew what happened he was falling through the air. The last thing Sev remembered before he blacked out was a group of trandoshans walking out of the forest... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomberman65 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Its not bad. Pretty good for a first go. Heres the ff one I was mentioning in my other topic. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2647368/1/Republic_Commando_Chain_of_Command Its not long but its a decent length. Quite good for ff and it gives you a 'what if' instance of DS and Order 66. Enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General LiWar Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 it's pretty good, some of the yoda dialog could use reordering. instead of "seen I have the future and outcome of this war" maybe try" seen the future, i have, and the outcome of this war" And I'm not so sure about the droid not seeing him thing, It seems to me they'd be more thermal (infrared) sensitive than visual. But other than that, it's a good start Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M@RS Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 Thanks, I'll work on what you said, it could use some action anyways... Boss, Scorch, Fixer, and a clone sharpshooter who called himself Codi walked through the forest. Codi was happy that he might be able to become a commando if he did this mission right. The group stopped, Boss checked the map in his visor and saw the red where they had last seen Sev, they were 8 degrees off. He turned a little bit and kept walking. Codi stopped and took careful aim at something the commandos couldn't see, Scorch sighed and sarcastically said "Codi, we're supposed to kill the trandoshans and CSI forces, not all of the little bugs on Kashyyyk" "Shutup" Codi said curtly, "I just saw a Super-Battledroid." Instantly all of the commandos had taken point and aiming down their sights, the Super-Battledroid walked in front of them. Fixer fired one shot, the droid's innards melted and it collapsed. Boss got up and looked through his binoculars. He saw 5 battledroids and 5 Super-Battledroids all carefully hidden, but not careful enough... "Grab some thermal detonators." Boss said "What kind?" Scorch asked eagerly "The ones with a big boom." came the reply Scorch happily grabbed 2 Class-A thermal detonators, after setting them for 1 minute he threw them and ran, the others followed without any encouragement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcesious Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Seems fine to me... I don't have and C & C... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev7 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 It wasn't bad, but you should always start a new paragraph (preferable double) when a new person talks. That is all that I can really think of at the moment. It wasn't bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M@RS Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Thanks...I'll get right on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da_man Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Not a bad fanfic. Good for your first try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M@RS Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Sev woke up to the rhythmic slapping by the trandoshan slaver, he blinked a couple of times, only to see a trandoshan fist come out of nowhere and punch him square in the jaw. Sev slammed his head against the table and lay still. The trandoshan who had knocked Sev out, again, looked up to the smaller trandoshan giving him a funny face. He instantly bit out [You idiot! You weren't supposed to wake him up!] in their own language. [sorry, I-] [shutup! You're as dumb as you look!] [Yessir] came the reply from the meek trandoshan [Now hurry up and help me take this clone to the closet, we don't want the battledroids outside to see this] Delta Squad moved silently through the forest shrub next to Tunnatutikan, "This is where my sensors say Sev is, now just to find his exact location,grab him, and run like-" "Shutup Scorch" Fixer bit out, he had seen something and right now he didn't want to hear another joke. "Okay, sheesh, I wish Sev were-" "Shutup!" the others said in unison Scorch jumped a little at the sudden outburst of the others, he sighed and walked a little distance to take point... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyuuKage Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 seems good so far, keep it up, hehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M@RS Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 No sooner had Scorch taken point a trandoshan came bursting through the trees, only to be tackled by Fixer and Codi. Boss walked over and asked, "Can you speak basic?" "Yesth" came the reply "Good, Fixer and Codi, prop him against a tree, we're going to have an interrogation..." The trandoshan was soon questioned. Afterwards, they tied him against a tree and decided on what they should do...they soon decided that if he had captured them he would have killed them. He was soon walking in front of the Commandos leading him to where Sev was laying, with a couple of bombs and like tied to him if he screwed around. *BOOM* Every soldier jumped and scrambled like mad for their weapons, Yoda and Gree got prepped and were soon ready with the other soldiers to fight the marching battledroids behind the trandoshans. The soldiers were ready this time...they'd been attacked twice in the past two days since Delta Squad had left, he hoped they'd win this fight too. The trandoshans shrieked a battle-cry, the battledroids marched and fired, the clones fired back, and Yoda was jumping from droid to droid slicing everyone neatly in half. The battle raged. Sev, crept along the wall, it had only been 5 minutes since he had escaped killing both trandoshans in their sleep. He was moving silently, and for the first time since his birth, he was scared. He didn't know why he was scared, he just was. Suddenly out of nowhere, a lightsaber hissed into existence right next to Sev's neck, he froze, knowing that he was looking death in the eye. A jedi walked forward clothed in all black, and moving as silent as a wraith. From the looks of the jedi he was a Muun, a seemed a little strange though, not quite like a muun but close, it was probably a mix between a human and muun. The jedi walked forward and said, "Game's over slaver." Sev almost laughed even in that tight spot, and in between laughing he managed to say, "I'm *haha* on your *haha* side, I'm a *haha* clone trooper, they captured me here and I just escaped *haha*" The muun a little embarrassed said, "Oh, sorry. My name is Dreifun, I'm here along with Yoda, to end the Battle of Kashyyyk in our favor. Something felt wrong and I came to investigate. Sorry if I startled-" Suddenly the air was filled with blaster fire, as Three Commandos and a Clone Trooper came charging out of the forest shooting at Dreifun. Dreifun instantly had his strange red lightsaber out and blocking the blasts to protect him and Sev. Sev jumped in front of him and yelled "STOP!" everyone stopped and looked at him, Scorch came up front and was shaking Sev screaming, "WHY, WHY DID YOU GO MIA, I'VE BEEN STUCK TELLING GOOD JOKES TO DUMB SOLDIERS, WHY!?" Sev finally was laughing with everyone, Boss came forward and handed a DC-17 with the attachments to Sev, and said, "It's good to have you back, but who's this pointing to Deifun who still had his lightsaber out with his DC-17? We thought it was Greivous getting ready to kill you...and where'd they put your armor?" "This is Dreifun, a Jedi who came with Yoda. And, they left my armor where I was tied up, I didn't put it on because I thought it would be too noi-" Battledroids come out of nowhere firing, Trandoshans came shooting and throwing anything they could get their grubby hands on, out of nowhere Wookies came jumping from the wall, roaring. Hundreds of wookies came, all of them, the Trandoshans screamed and ran at the sight of the wookies ripping arms of, tearing creatures and droids in half. 30 minutes later the whole thing was over, the surviving Wookies (ten had fallen) went throughout the town killing and destroying all of the Droids and the Trandoshans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScorchRC1262 Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 I hate to relive a dead post. I heard the RC's disobeyed order66 due to a member of Null Squad getting a Jedi pregers. Boss and Niner heard of this and realised they could live on past the 20 yr marker for clones and Convinced the rest of there squads to Disapear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M@RS Posted July 23, 2008 Author Share Posted July 23, 2008 True..but it's a fanfic, in a fanfic anything can happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScorchRC1262 Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 yes I understand and really enjoyed the story, would you mind if i reposted this on my clans web site? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M@RS Posted July 23, 2008 Author Share Posted July 23, 2008 go ahead, but you might want to check it every so often, I might just add to it like now... A couple of minutes later, Sev was in his armor with fresh trandoshan blood covering it. Dreifun was checking the perimeter with a couple of wookies, while Delta Squad got ready to move out. Fixer was cleaning his rifle inside the camp...he didn't know how soon he would need it. Yoda walked along with the rest of the clone army deployed on Kashyyyk, he sensed something was wrong, he just couldn't tell what was going to happen. Commander Gree walked up to him and told him the status and when they'd get to the village then marched off. Suddenly Yoda sensed danger ahead and managed to raise his voice high enough so that the clones up front could here him of the upcoming danger. Ten SBDs walked out of the forest with a platoon of of "Tinnies" as some of the clones called them. The air was soon filled with blaster fire and a little green alien jumping around slashing here and there, his lightsaber was so fast all of the clones saw a green blur. Commander Gree fired and move to the next tree. he kept firing and dodged as a bolt whished over his head and splintered into the tree behind him. He tried counting how long they'd been engaged with the enemy, he figured about forty seconds. Droid after droid fell but they just kept coming, he sighted a droids head and went to fire when a bolt shot it exploded from behind. He looked out and couldn't see anything...Delta Squad ran out of the forest DCs blazing along with Dreifun lightsaber humming. they took the droids by surprise and were able to end the conflict sooner then had been expected. Yoda and Gree stood over a seriously injured soldier. Yoda knelt down and closed his eyes. To Gree's amazement skin, bone, and tissue began welding itself together. The soldier blinked and sat up. He looked at Yoda, then began to cry as he mumbled thank you. Yoda looked him in his teary eyes and asked, "Friends of you, call you?" The soldier looked puzzled for a half second and replied "Jordi..." Yoda smiled and moved to the next soldier and repeated the process, Gree slowly walked past him to one of the Commandos who had saved them just hours before. His name was Fixer and he was mildly injured, he had been shot twice. One, in his left shoulder, the other, in his right knee. He complained that all he needed was bacta and he would be fine, but he knew better, and so did the mdeics... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1183 Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I hate to relive a dead post. I heard the RC's disobeyed order66 due to a member of Null Squad getting a Jedi pregers. Boss and Niner heard of this and realised they could live on past the 20 yr marker for clones and Convinced the rest of there squads to Disapear. actually it wasnt a Null it was Omega Squad's RC-1136 DARMAN he impregnated General Etain Tur Mukan a Jedi Knight in Triple Zero Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sev_vode an Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Republic Commando Squad Ion also disobeyed the order tho two members were killed and the leader was captured Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M@RS Posted August 7, 2008 Author Share Posted August 7, 2008 hmm, thanks for the facts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sev_vode an Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 yup np Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sev_vode an Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 btw Mars sorry to double post but i know alot about the RC squads, who's alive, etc. so if you need any help just ask. your doing a great job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1183 Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 same ive read all the way up to True color have yall read ne so feel free to ask wat u wish also when r u gonna write more to ur story its really good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sev_vode an Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 ya your doing a great job personally i think they should add another squad or at least mention them you know like not the whole book about them but like a chapter or two Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1183 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 ya that would play into the story great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted August 19, 2008 Share Posted August 19, 2008 Excelent. Thats really interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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