LordOfTheFish Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I have a lot of catching up to do... How long do you plan to make this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Kalverys Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 Somewhere between 15 and 25... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Oh, that's long. But with a story as interesting as yours it will be very enjoyable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev7 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 I like the new chapter! Good description. I am definately looking forward to more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Yuthura Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Nice... very nice. I am not one for stories that are completely original with no point of reference, but I rather like this one. Javen seems to have a defined personality that stands out from others, but is difficult to describe. Javen, Leah, and Garzulan are a nice group to work off of because they are different, but can work together to take advantage of their strengths. I think you should have more friction among them to add more to the little conflicts. I am looking forward to new chapters and wish you the best of luck while I get caught up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Kalverys Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 Thanks! However, due to some... difficulties, I may not have another chapter for a couple of weeks. Play rehersal... AP homework... just a lot to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 After just finishing chapter 2, and reading the name of chapter 3, I can tell this is going to be good. Great job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HIGH ON PIE 14 Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Very good job on chapter 4! I am growing to like Javen's personality more and more as the story progresses. As DY said, Javen, Garzulan, and Leah have good chemistry and work well together. Eurgh, AP homework...I feel for you, I've got a lot of that myself. Which ones do you take? I await the next chapter...don't worry about it taking a while...at the rate I'm getting homework the next time I'll have a free moment is two weeks anyway. ~HOP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Kalverys Posted October 18, 2008 Author Share Posted October 18, 2008 Very good job on chapter 4! I am growing to like Javen's personality more and more as the story progresses. As DY said, Javen, Garzulan, and Leah have good chemistry and work well together. *grins* That's awsome... though, I still think Garzulan will wind up being the favorite. Eurgh, AP homework...I feel for you, I've got a lot of that myself. Which ones do you take? AP English, AP American Government, PAP Chemistry... then Algebra II as well, though we rarely have homework in there... I await the next chapter...don't worry about it taking a while...at the rate I'm getting homework the next time I'll have a free moment is two weeks anyway. ~HOP Hahaha... that's okay. I may have a bit of chapter 5 written today, as we don't have to be back up at the school today til 4... tomorrow is our last performance! WOOOOO HOOOOO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HIGH ON PIE 14 Posted October 18, 2008 Share Posted October 18, 2008 Oh, Garzulan is still the favorite, but I'm liking Javen more and more with each chapter. Thats a good thing, when the reader enjoys all of the characters. I have AP U.S. Government and Algebra II as well. Ooh, AP Chem...I was too scared to take that one. (Also got AP Art History and AP Environmental Science) Good luck with you performance. Break a leg! (The only stage talk I know ) ~HOP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bee Hoon Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 The King seems to speak very informally (e.g. this guy)! Javen seems very bossy for a teenager and a Jedi why have you become so… infatuated with me recently?May I suggest using the word obsessed instead? “Alright. But isn’t there anything we can do to prevent this from happening?” Javen asked.For one thing, they could guard him instead of going to the cantina! She had on a black apron, over her bright pink night clothing.Why? I don't think she'd stop to cook if she was i such a rush that she didn't even change out of her pajamas! When Javen told them, shock and anger flitted quickly across their faces, before they masked it behind apathy.Why did they do so? Javen put his head in his hands and sat there, motionless for about an hour.Everyone just sat there for an hour, not doing anything? In a nutshell, an eventful chapter! You still have not revealed where Javen got the holocron from, and he seems remarkably blase about it. I know I'd be pretty darned surprised if a Sith holocron popped up in my backpack And I'd like to know who put it there, so that serious words will be had! There's minor grammatical errors here and there, but the plot seems to be shaping up nicely. It would be nice to see Leah and Garzulan react more to what happens to Javen, as they're both quite endearing Keep it up, and don't forget to proofread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordOfTheFish Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Chapter 3: Not bad, not bad at all. I liked how you brought a romance aspect into the story, and I suppose it will be even more present in future chapters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Kalverys Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Hey guys... I just came to tell you that I haven't forgotten about this... I just have no time to write... as I type now, I'm doing a research paper for english. q>.<p And the school year is just barely half over... so I dunno when next I'll be able to write... maybe when things settle down in school. Or maybe during the summer... but I promise I haven't forgotten about this! And thanks for the comments everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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